i'd love to come across a file of mine deep in the state (i think i'm getting my psychiatric evaluation, just from a distance) somewhere that has this broad stamp of deduction on it, in startling blunt clarity. like, a file marked BONKERS in red stamp. presented as a medical diagnosis...
our evaluation of this suspect is that she is simply bonkers.
....signed off for by a doctor, illegibly, but with credentials typed in boldface. to scream it's legitimacy.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
yeah. this guitar sampler has consistency problems, overall. the idea that i could have created this ideal sound by mixing several streams together isn't sustainable. no two renders sound exactly alike.
in fact, i've had to mix a few of the guitar parts down to lock them in place, then add some filters and eqs. i was trying to find stasis in flux and becoming confused by it. i may have to lock a few more down. so, it's looking like it may be a tomorrow upload.
in fact, i've had to mix a few of the guitar parts down to lock them in place, then add some filters and eqs. i was trying to find stasis in flux and becoming confused by it. i may have to lock a few more down. so, it's looking like it may be a tomorrow upload.
it turns out i have an email list...
so, i just randomly checked my bandcamp settings and out of the blue realized i have a small email list. i've never asked you for your email addresses, because i kind of didn't plan on doing this. but given that you seem to have gone out of your way to provide me with your email addresses, i'm going to oblige the request.
i've been releasing a lot of singles lately, and i'm not generally going to send out an email update when i do. part of the reason i didn't want to do this is that, as a consumer, i find the email update route a little invasive, but i can't tell you how to interact with things and people and ideas, so hey, whatever, man. it does mean i'm going to reserve these messages for major updates. so, email updates will happen only when official records are finished. that's my own rules and bounds for this.
i'm in the final stages of finishing the material i wrote during a "serious music" phase i went through from roughly 2000-2002. putting the singles aside, i'm going to get two official full length records and a number of lps that are not official records out of this. so, this is the update:
1) i finished my fifth disc back in october, which is this one:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
it's comprised of material written mostly over 2001 and recorded between 2001 and 2014. it's heavily oriented towards the idea of music as a written form.
2) i'm putting the finishing touches on my sixth record over the next few weeks, which is this one:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj-2
this record also has a lot of written ideas, but integrates more fluid writing as well. it was written mostly over 2001 and 2002 and finished mostly over 2014.
3) there are two lps of rabit is wolf material from this period, but they are not official releases in my album chronology.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-wave
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/rabit-is-wolf
4) there will be a double-cd concept record housing the written music written over this period. the first disc will feature the tracks played through a 1990s soundblaster card. these versions are what the songs sounded like as i was writing them, and there's an interesting quality to the sound produced. the second cd will be a mirror image of this, but updated to include more modern vst-synth arrangements. it will exist here:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/thru
so, that concludes this update. until we meet again....
j
i've been releasing a lot of singles lately, and i'm not generally going to send out an email update when i do. part of the reason i didn't want to do this is that, as a consumer, i find the email update route a little invasive, but i can't tell you how to interact with things and people and ideas, so hey, whatever, man. it does mean i'm going to reserve these messages for major updates. so, email updates will happen only when official records are finished. that's my own rules and bounds for this.
i'm in the final stages of finishing the material i wrote during a "serious music" phase i went through from roughly 2000-2002. putting the singles aside, i'm going to get two official full length records and a number of lps that are not official records out of this. so, this is the update:
1) i finished my fifth disc back in october, which is this one:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
it's comprised of material written mostly over 2001 and recorded between 2001 and 2014. it's heavily oriented towards the idea of music as a written form.
2) i'm putting the finishing touches on my sixth record over the next few weeks, which is this one:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj-2
this record also has a lot of written ideas, but integrates more fluid writing as well. it was written mostly over 2001 and 2002 and finished mostly over 2014.
3) there are two lps of rabit is wolf material from this period, but they are not official releases in my album chronology.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-wave
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/rabit-is-wolf
4) there will be a double-cd concept record housing the written music written over this period. the first disc will feature the tracks played through a 1990s soundblaster card. these versions are what the songs sounded like as i was writing them, and there's an interesting quality to the sound produced. the second cd will be a mirror image of this, but updated to include more modern vst-synth arrangements. it will exist here:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/thru
so, that concludes this update. until we meet again....
j
Monday, December 22, 2014
so, i'm going to do that vst record after all - as a mirror image of the midi disc, to prevent it from seeming superfluous. so, i'm going to release it as a double. hey, it's a neat concept to have the thing flipped over like that, to demonstrate the changes in technology (available to me) that occurred between when the songs were written and when they were finalized.
i guess it turns out that there's more than one way to coherently present this material. rather than fight against that, i'd rather present multiple options.
so, there will be the two proper jjjjjjjjjj discs that have mixes of sequenced music and non-sequenced music. records 5 and 6. then there will be the flip of the midi disc, which has just purely sequenced vst versions of some of the material on the two proper jjjjjjjjj discs. then, there's the collection of singles that have all the versions of each specific track.
i guess it turns out that there's more than one way to coherently present this material. rather than fight against that, i'd rather present multiple options.
so, there will be the two proper jjjjjjjjjj discs that have mixes of sequenced music and non-sequenced music. records 5 and 6. then there will be the flip of the midi disc, which has just purely sequenced vst versions of some of the material on the two proper jjjjjjjjj discs. then, there's the collection of singles that have all the versions of each specific track.
i'm also glad the days are getting longer, again.
i think i'm pretty much used to that hour difference, now. it's from moving from one end of the same time zone to the other end. i'm used to the sun being up by 6:30 pretty much the entire year - and becoming visible not longer after 4:00 during the summer. here, it's quite often not up until well after 7:00. even at the peak of the summer, you're pushing 6:00, which kind of makes it feel like spring the whole year. i made it home in the dark from a compost-drop at 7:45 the other day.
the flip of that is that the sun is still up at 5:30 for pretty much the whole year. which has got me feeling like fall never ended, because i never got the cue of night time at 4:00 on a cloudy day.
i've actually tried switching to central time to recapture the difference, but i just found myself constantly converting in my head. it was just reminding me of it, rather than helping me forget it.
so, i think i'm used to it. but i'd still be nice to get the sun up a bit earlier...
you know, i was going to say something about how people have to go to work in the dark here.
but i guess it's also true that people have to go home in the dark in ottawa. i can remember getting off work in the dark quite frequently.
i think it's kind of better to get off work in the dark, because it just plunges you directly into the night, which is where you want to be when you're working during the day, anyways. but that's just a perception.
i think the more valid reflection is that you're stuck with one way or the other up to a relatively high longitude.
i think i'm pretty much used to that hour difference, now. it's from moving from one end of the same time zone to the other end. i'm used to the sun being up by 6:30 pretty much the entire year - and becoming visible not longer after 4:00 during the summer. here, it's quite often not up until well after 7:00. even at the peak of the summer, you're pushing 6:00, which kind of makes it feel like spring the whole year. i made it home in the dark from a compost-drop at 7:45 the other day.
the flip of that is that the sun is still up at 5:30 for pretty much the whole year. which has got me feeling like fall never ended, because i never got the cue of night time at 4:00 on a cloudy day.
i've actually tried switching to central time to recapture the difference, but i just found myself constantly converting in my head. it was just reminding me of it, rather than helping me forget it.
so, i think i'm used to it. but i'd still be nice to get the sun up a bit earlier...
you know, i was going to say something about how people have to go to work in the dark here.
but i guess it's also true that people have to go home in the dark in ottawa. i can remember getting off work in the dark quite frequently.
i think it's kind of better to get off work in the dark, because it just plunges you directly into the night, which is where you want to be when you're working during the day, anyways. but that's just a perception.
i think the more valid reflection is that you're stuck with one way or the other up to a relatively high longitude.
you know, it's true - cats really are always plotting to eat us. like, that cat that's been following me around..
see, i always knew that the cat was really stalking me as a possible prey item, but i was trying to rationalize ways around that obvious deduction, because it's not something you really want to come to terms with. that cat is following me around because it would like to eat me. how pleasant.
i think if it was a really serious concern to me, i'd of course react differently. but it's a cute, black and white furry cat with a bit of a swagger in it's steps. it doesn't really strike me as ominous, even if i know what it's really thinking.
when it comes down to it, though, do i really want to get into a fight with a cat? they seem cute and harmless. but, they're very agile and absolutely capable of catching you by surprise. we have a weak spot - our necks. and, cats are entirely aware of that weak spot. it doesn't take much to take you out through your neck. a smart cat would be able to exploit this.
you think past it, though. it's just a cute cat.
a cute cat that sees you as a possible prey item, if it can just get the right opportunity.
see, i always knew that the cat was really stalking me as a possible prey item, but i was trying to rationalize ways around that obvious deduction, because it's not something you really want to come to terms with. that cat is following me around because it would like to eat me. how pleasant.
i think if it was a really serious concern to me, i'd of course react differently. but it's a cute, black and white furry cat with a bit of a swagger in it's steps. it doesn't really strike me as ominous, even if i know what it's really thinking.
when it comes down to it, though, do i really want to get into a fight with a cat? they seem cute and harmless. but, they're very agile and absolutely capable of catching you by surprise. we have a weak spot - our necks. and, cats are entirely aware of that weak spot. it doesn't take much to take you out through your neck. a smart cat would be able to exploit this.
you think past it, though. it's just a cute cat.
a cute cat that sees you as a possible prey item, if it can just get the right opportunity.
i think these studies that suggest that people that listen to specific types of music are more intelligent because they listen to that music are getting the causality backwards.
first, if you're focusing on a specific genre, you're doing this wrong. if the idea is the abstraction in the music, no specific genre has a monopoly on that. you may get different correlations, depending on personality. debussy is going to appeal to a different type of person than mozart does. and skinny puppy is going to appeal to a different type of person than genesis does. but, it's all abstract music and it should all have basically the same effect, if the factor is the abstraction in the music.
focusing specifically on "classical" music is going to mostly simply produce class differences, which are well understood as having an effect on test scores. it's a situation where x is correlated with y, y is correlated with z and a fallacious conclusion is being drawn that z is therefore caused by y - when it could very well be that x and z are where the causal relationship is occurring.
but the point of this shouldn't be to isolate "intelligent people". "intelligent people" is a pretty broad category, that encompasses humans with a wide variety of tastes. rather, the useful conclusion is something like as follows:
"if you actually legitimately enjoy mainstream pop music, it is probably because you are not of above average intelligence."
but you don't need a study to understand that.
even that's maybe a little unfair, as it's not impossible that you could be into abstract music and still like pop.
maybe something like...
"if you *only* listen to pop music, then chances are high that you're not that bright."
i think the key thing that bugs me about the studies is that they tend to focus so much on mozart. mozart was not the most abstract, creative or interesting writer of his era from any perspective. even people that really like mozart will acknowledge how prodding he could be from time to time. if the studies were based on something a bit more difficult....
i'd expect that if they did a direct comparison between kids that listen to mozart specifically and kids that listen to a spectrum of other "classical" composers, mozart would actually rank near the bottom in terms of test results.
i entirely agree that things are constantly in flux, and the causal model has problems at the micro level. i think the intuitive understanding is that things are happening too quickly for causality to apply. i say intuitive, but that's a tricky thing to understand if you try to break it down, despite it being the intuitive way to kind of understand it.
i think you can try and put some kind of conceptual bounds around it, though. every causal reaction requires a finite amount of time. if there's so much energy in a system that it pushes the cause through faster than a reaction can occur in, then you'd see causality seem like it's not working. you could think of it like a censor failing, by missing a signal because it's too fast - or in some cases like a censor exploding by taking in a signal that zaps it like a laser.
depending on the scale of the subject, the micro might be very perceptible to us. so, the question of how music affects intelligence is micro on this scale - it's reinforcing each other, because it's happening at a time scale that is shorter than a reaction can develop in.
but i think you can still pull out patterns, and the patterns are still meaningful, even if they require some careful analysis.
first, if you're focusing on a specific genre, you're doing this wrong. if the idea is the abstraction in the music, no specific genre has a monopoly on that. you may get different correlations, depending on personality. debussy is going to appeal to a different type of person than mozart does. and skinny puppy is going to appeal to a different type of person than genesis does. but, it's all abstract music and it should all have basically the same effect, if the factor is the abstraction in the music.
focusing specifically on "classical" music is going to mostly simply produce class differences, which are well understood as having an effect on test scores. it's a situation where x is correlated with y, y is correlated with z and a fallacious conclusion is being drawn that z is therefore caused by y - when it could very well be that x and z are where the causal relationship is occurring.
but the point of this shouldn't be to isolate "intelligent people". "intelligent people" is a pretty broad category, that encompasses humans with a wide variety of tastes. rather, the useful conclusion is something like as follows:
"if you actually legitimately enjoy mainstream pop music, it is probably because you are not of above average intelligence."
but you don't need a study to understand that.
even that's maybe a little unfair, as it's not impossible that you could be into abstract music and still like pop.
maybe something like...
"if you *only* listen to pop music, then chances are high that you're not that bright."
i think the key thing that bugs me about the studies is that they tend to focus so much on mozart. mozart was not the most abstract, creative or interesting writer of his era from any perspective. even people that really like mozart will acknowledge how prodding he could be from time to time. if the studies were based on something a bit more difficult....
i'd expect that if they did a direct comparison between kids that listen to mozart specifically and kids that listen to a spectrum of other "classical" composers, mozart would actually rank near the bottom in terms of test results.
i entirely agree that things are constantly in flux, and the causal model has problems at the micro level. i think the intuitive understanding is that things are happening too quickly for causality to apply. i say intuitive, but that's a tricky thing to understand if you try to break it down, despite it being the intuitive way to kind of understand it.
i think you can try and put some kind of conceptual bounds around it, though. every causal reaction requires a finite amount of time. if there's so much energy in a system that it pushes the cause through faster than a reaction can occur in, then you'd see causality seem like it's not working. you could think of it like a censor failing, by missing a signal because it's too fast - or in some cases like a censor exploding by taking in a signal that zaps it like a laser.
depending on the scale of the subject, the micro might be very perceptible to us. so, the question of how music affects intelligence is micro on this scale - it's reinforcing each other, because it's happening at a time scale that is shorter than a reaction can develop in.
but i think you can still pull out patterns, and the patterns are still meaningful, even if they require some careful analysis.
so, there's two ways to finish a mix.
the first is to fuck with it until you get it right. the second is to fuck with it until you numb yourself to it, and what you've been listening to starts to sound right. the second approach is not inferior, as it reflects the way you've changed your idea of what it should sound like as you've brought it into reality.
this wasn't supposed to take this long; i didn't spend a lot of time setting the guitar modelling in the first place, i just got lost in it because something changed without me controlling it. so, i got lost in finding a "lost ideal". i need to acknowledge that and just move forwards with it.
the first is to fuck with it until you get it right. the second is to fuck with it until you numb yourself to it, and what you've been listening to starts to sound right. the second approach is not inferior, as it reflects the way you've changed your idea of what it should sound like as you've brought it into reality.
this wasn't supposed to take this long; i didn't spend a lot of time setting the guitar modelling in the first place, i just got lost in it because something changed without me controlling it. so, i got lost in finding a "lost ideal". i need to acknowledge that and just move forwards with it.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
yeah, so i *did* have to reinstall my guitar sampler. and, what's annoying is that the first part very quickly fell back to where it ought to be. that is, it didn't sound right because the samples were corrupting...and i lost a full week on this....
at least it's evidence that i'm hearing what i am, rather than what i wish i was. what a piss off, though. i think the second half should now finish itself up quickly - maybe even by the end of the night.
at least it's evidence that i'm hearing what i am, rather than what i wish i was. what a piss off, though. i think the second half should now finish itself up quickly - maybe even by the end of the night.
maybe i should make a kickstarter or something. hey, it's worth a shot - i'd reflexively have to project it as a joke, in character...but, it's really not all that improbable that it might get me from project to project, if i can put the proper level of eccentricity into it.
the music business is morphing into some other kind of economy altogether. the idea of purchasing music is just kind of becoming out of date. listen, there was a time before music existed for sale in the form of media. it was always likely that a time would come after this, as well.
and, what is the media? it's a product. so, the product is shifting. that is all.
i think the future of this is still a little unclear. could we go back to the days of wealthy benefactors supporting eccentric artists? it might increase the level of discourse. substantially. but, then you need to deal with, like, rupert murdoch in total control of all art in the universe. it may dilute the pool a little, but artistic freedom is totally valuable.
maybe it's a kind of project-auction setup. i mean, if i make it a crazy enough idea, it might just be so crazy that it might work. bwahahaha. ahahaha. (that's an evil laugh, of course mocking of myself, because i'm arrogant enough to value mocking myself, because i enjoy pretending i'm arrogant enough to pretend i value mocking myself, because i enjoy mocking myself, because i'm arrogant enough to ... )
the music business is morphing into some other kind of economy altogether. the idea of purchasing music is just kind of becoming out of date. listen, there was a time before music existed for sale in the form of media. it was always likely that a time would come after this, as well.
and, what is the media? it's a product. so, the product is shifting. that is all.
i think the future of this is still a little unclear. could we go back to the days of wealthy benefactors supporting eccentric artists? it might increase the level of discourse. substantially. but, then you need to deal with, like, rupert murdoch in total control of all art in the universe. it may dilute the pool a little, but artistic freedom is totally valuable.
maybe it's a kind of project-auction setup. i mean, if i make it a crazy enough idea, it might just be so crazy that it might work. bwahahaha. ahahaha. (that's an evil laugh, of course mocking of myself, because i'm arrogant enough to value mocking myself, because i enjoy pretending i'm arrogant enough to pretend i value mocking myself, because i enjoy mocking myself, because i'm arrogant enough to ... )
Saturday, December 20, 2014
grargh. now, i'm getting weird relics in the second half. distortion
running through clean guitar parts. etc. i may have to rebuild it, but
kind of don't want to...
i think my device is running a little hot. so, i'm going to stop for the night and hope it's running normally when i wake up.
it sounds like something's crossed....
like, even if i turn the effect off i'm getting distortion, which is not something i've seen before.
it's a melodic distortion, though, so i don't think something blew. it sounds like something's...crossed. like i said. maybe some more plugin reinstalls is in order...
but, to the fucker at the mixing desk: it's supposed to have a cure-like kind of chorus sound, not that bloody overused radiohead light distortion sound.
i think my device is running a little hot. so, i'm going to stop for the night and hope it's running normally when i wake up.
it sounds like something's crossed....
like, even if i turn the effect off i'm getting distortion, which is not something i've seen before.
it's a melodic distortion, though, so i don't think something blew. it sounds like something's...crossed. like i said. maybe some more plugin reinstalls is in order...
but, to the fucker at the mixing desk: it's supposed to have a cure-like kind of chorus sound, not that bloody overused radiohead light distortion sound.
this is my basic argument.
=====================
So, the problem isn’t really whether I’m capable or even willing to find employment, it’s more a question of whether anybody is willing to allow me to work for them. And, the answer is that nobody is, and nobody’s going to.
To be honest, I would prefer not to. I don’t think that’s all that unusual. But, I do recognize that I’m not supposed to have a real choice in this matter. So, if I were to choose, what kind of job would I pick? Well, let’s separate out two kind of jobs – high wage jobs with lots of responsibility, or low wage jobs with little responsibility.
I would actually prefer the low wage job with little responsibility. The reason is that my aspirations and goals in life are not within the workforce, they’re within art and academia. Unfortunately, my art is quite unusual (and hence unmarketable) and my academic opinions are equally unusual. If I were to work a high wage job with a lot of responsibility, I would not have the time or energy to devote to my goals and aspirations and would consequently be very unhappy. So, I believe I would be less unhappy working a low wage job with small amounts of responsibility, as it would give me more time to focus on my goals and aspirations. I can also say that I’ve determined this through experiment.
So, let’s focus on the low wage jobs with low responsibility. Unfortunately, this option is not available to me, for the precise reason that I have a lot of education. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried removing the degree from the resume, I’ve tried adopting colloquial language, and I’m just too transparent – the hiring manager can see quite clearly that I’m introverted and bookish, have an IQ around 150 and am simply not going to fit in to that kind of environment. I don’t have the right profile for this sort of labour. So, while I would prefer this, it’s not something I can actually get. They want young, personable people. I’m simply not that person.
What about the high wage jobs with more responsibility, then? Well, ignoring the fact that I would be unhappy that way, it’s not an option that’s available to me, either, because I don’t have the psychological profile that fits into it. You need to have drive, motivation and a desire to compete. I have none of these things as they apply to private or government sector employment – my aspirations and goals are in art and academia. Worse, I’m not particularly good at integrating into systems of vertical management. Probably the best example to use is what happened when I applied for cra…
They had me write two tests. The first was an iq test, and my grades were very high. 95th percentile. This is consistent with past iq tests I’ve written. The second was a behavioural test, which I’ve failed thrice. What that means is that I’m basically certified by the state as unable to exist properly in a management system. I’m too independent-minded, too willing to take things into my own hands, too unwilling to rely on the hierarchy to make decisions. So, I’m not going to fit in there, either. We can have discussions about this, but my perspective is that the test results are essentially accurate – I’m not good at being told what to do or following what I perceive of as illogical rules for the purposes of protocol or convention. Again, I can’t change this – it’s my nature. A different system would value this, but ours rejects it as anti-social.
So, I’m left without any kind of option. I can’t do the drone work because they don’t want people like me doing it, and I can’t do the higher wage work because I can’t fit in there, either. So, I’m not left with any other option (so long as we accept that starving on the street is not a real option) besides trying to explore the reasons I can’t fit into either environment and trying to construct a disability out of it.
There isn’t a disability underlying my bookish introversion, it’s just my nature. However, I believe that there may be a personality disorder underlying my inability to fit into structured environments. This is what I’m trying to get diagnosed.
So, some examples of past behaviour that fit this pattern….
=====================
So, the problem isn’t really whether I’m capable or even willing to find employment, it’s more a question of whether anybody is willing to allow me to work for them. And, the answer is that nobody is, and nobody’s going to.
To be honest, I would prefer not to. I don’t think that’s all that unusual. But, I do recognize that I’m not supposed to have a real choice in this matter. So, if I were to choose, what kind of job would I pick? Well, let’s separate out two kind of jobs – high wage jobs with lots of responsibility, or low wage jobs with little responsibility.
I would actually prefer the low wage job with little responsibility. The reason is that my aspirations and goals in life are not within the workforce, they’re within art and academia. Unfortunately, my art is quite unusual (and hence unmarketable) and my academic opinions are equally unusual. If I were to work a high wage job with a lot of responsibility, I would not have the time or energy to devote to my goals and aspirations and would consequently be very unhappy. So, I believe I would be less unhappy working a low wage job with small amounts of responsibility, as it would give me more time to focus on my goals and aspirations. I can also say that I’ve determined this through experiment.
So, let’s focus on the low wage jobs with low responsibility. Unfortunately, this option is not available to me, for the precise reason that I have a lot of education. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried removing the degree from the resume, I’ve tried adopting colloquial language, and I’m just too transparent – the hiring manager can see quite clearly that I’m introverted and bookish, have an IQ around 150 and am simply not going to fit in to that kind of environment. I don’t have the right profile for this sort of labour. So, while I would prefer this, it’s not something I can actually get. They want young, personable people. I’m simply not that person.
What about the high wage jobs with more responsibility, then? Well, ignoring the fact that I would be unhappy that way, it’s not an option that’s available to me, either, because I don’t have the psychological profile that fits into it. You need to have drive, motivation and a desire to compete. I have none of these things as they apply to private or government sector employment – my aspirations and goals are in art and academia. Worse, I’m not particularly good at integrating into systems of vertical management. Probably the best example to use is what happened when I applied for cra…
They had me write two tests. The first was an iq test, and my grades were very high. 95th percentile. This is consistent with past iq tests I’ve written. The second was a behavioural test, which I’ve failed thrice. What that means is that I’m basically certified by the state as unable to exist properly in a management system. I’m too independent-minded, too willing to take things into my own hands, too unwilling to rely on the hierarchy to make decisions. So, I’m not going to fit in there, either. We can have discussions about this, but my perspective is that the test results are essentially accurate – I’m not good at being told what to do or following what I perceive of as illogical rules for the purposes of protocol or convention. Again, I can’t change this – it’s my nature. A different system would value this, but ours rejects it as anti-social.
So, I’m left without any kind of option. I can’t do the drone work because they don’t want people like me doing it, and I can’t do the higher wage work because I can’t fit in there, either. So, I’m not left with any other option (so long as we accept that starving on the street is not a real option) besides trying to explore the reasons I can’t fit into either environment and trying to construct a disability out of it.
There isn’t a disability underlying my bookish introversion, it’s just my nature. However, I believe that there may be a personality disorder underlying my inability to fit into structured environments. This is what I’m trying to get diagnosed.
So, some examples of past behaviour that fit this pattern….
Friday, December 19, 2014
so, i've concluded that what i'm doing with this is mildly insane. and a waste of time.
i will have an arrangement decided upon by the end of the day, one way or another.
i'm about half done...
it just kind of became clear that trying to put a total order on this is stupid. i want one. so, i cleared out many that were obviously not serious candidates and am now down to about 30.
this isn't the last thing to do with this track, but it's almost the last thing to do. once it's done, the mix should be up within an hour or two.
and then i'll have to make decisions about what i want to pull into the final remaster, which i don't think is going to be anything - maybe just a few effects. i'm not even sure if it's the same timing. i *think* it is, though. i *think* i synced it all those years ago...
i will have an arrangement decided upon by the end of the day, one way or another.
i'm about half done...
it just kind of became clear that trying to put a total order on this is stupid. i want one. so, i cleared out many that were obviously not serious candidates and am now down to about 30.
this isn't the last thing to do with this track, but it's almost the last thing to do. once it's done, the mix should be up within an hour or two.
and then i'll have to make decisions about what i want to pull into the final remaster, which i don't think is going to be anything - maybe just a few effects. i'm not even sure if it's the same timing. i *think* it is, though. i *think* i synced it all those years ago...
deathtokoalas
the title of john maus' new thesis has been leaked:
"On Projecting Pseudo-Intellectuality Through Performing Bad Retro for Stoned Teenagers."
RedPill Swallowed
Jealous.
deathtokoalas
naw. even in my late 90s synth-pop phase, i never had any aspirations towards this. and while my background is in math, and math is kind of like philosophy, my epistemology has always been empirically driven. i'm just dismissive.
RedPill Swallowed
I'm not even going to pretend that I don't need to google some of those words, lol....I'll just agree. Have a nice day. :)
deathtokoalas
it's not that rough. if you ignore silly people like kant, like you should, and like maus doesn't, mathematics and philosophy share an approach to understanding knowledge, which is based in deducing things from assumptions with logic. this is somewhat - albeit not entirely - contradictory to a scientific worldview, which attempts to understand knowledge through experiment.
it gets confusing when you acknowledge that there are quasi-empirical branches of mathematics (like constructivism). but that can kind of be glossed over for the purposes of getting to my point.
....which is that i don't really have time for speculative branches of philosophy. well, i guess it's fun to read sometimes. and you have to define questions before you can test them. but there's not much room for jealousy, there, as a result of that.
accidentalprotégé
I don't agree with everything that comes out of John Maus' mouth but what makes his music "Bad Retro?" As someone who dislikes socialized medicine I still think Rights For Gays is a banger.
deathtokoalas
i'm a fan of the period he's drawing on, but i just don't hear anything except watered down emulation.
Me Ear
Do ya get out much? Me neither. I'm a fat, damaged idiot tho. And your aspirations to truth are fine if it gets you thru shit. Really. I'm not being sarcastic. Even your aspirations to a superiority over others are harmless here in youtube comment sections. Bluntly tho, you don't know shit. Humanity is a tribe of monkeys that fell out of a tree one unfortunate day. And there's good folks and cunts. That's it. But what do I know? lol. Best wishes.
deathtokoalas
yeah. i'm post-godel. i get that. that doesn't have much to do with what i was saying, though. if anything, it's an argument in favour of empiricism.
Me Ear
Well, thanks for replying. 1 or 2 folks were nasty to you on here. I can be nasty too, very. Godel? Not heard of him, if it's a dude. It's in humans to value truth, yes. But there isn't any. And what you believe? It's not important. I'm exaggerating somewhat, yes.
Religion, philosophy, science, can have a place, yes. But anyway, one guy, or girl, sees a cat with 3 legs, kicks it across the road. Another guy or girl feeds it. All the rest is theory, in my view. And, no, I wouldn't kick the cat, on my worst possible day.
deathtokoalas
godel was an early 20th century mathematician that produced a series of important proofs. he's been described as the most important logician since aristotle. and, in some sense he defined a type of thinking that is necessarily post-aristotlian.
i have to oversimplify dramatically. but, he demonstrated that we have a choice between completeness and consistency. what that means is that there are necessarily true statements that can never be proven true - and that we can in fact prove can never be proven, despite being true.
that has a lot of implications to the axiom-deduction approach to epistemology. it throws kant out the window, to begin with. his whole concept of synthetic a priori knowledge being superior is rendered ridiculous.
again: i don't really see any point where you're disagreeing with me. you're just displaying that you didn't really understand what i typed.
Me Ear
I drink, listen to music and type shit for something to do, which I don't usually remember because I'm mentally disordered, damaged and drunk.
A serious (not sarcastic) question - why post clever stuff on youtube? And, again seriously, where can doing so lead to?
(There's clever folks on youtube, yes, but most of them seem to end up wanting to die fairly soon after they've posted on the toob amongst folk like me, don't they?)
deathtokoalas
see, here's the thing: maybe people reading my ranting might click on my name and check out my channel, and then go to my bandcamp site. the more places i leave links, the higher the possibility.
it's a benevolent type of spam/marketing, in the sense that people get something out of it. and, i don't get deleted or marked as spam, either.
Me Ear
I'll look at your channel then. I used to rant til I got a troll. Who had a channel. lol. I looked at it eventually, worst music ever. lol again. You know what tho? Your enemy is your helper too. I imagine you're smart enough to have heard of the concept. Except young kids are killing themselves coz of trolls now.. There was a case of somebody in this country who trolled somebody on 6000 websites. Those 2 should've got married, they had very similar interests.lol. Peace. xxx
the title of john maus' new thesis has been leaked:
"On Projecting Pseudo-Intellectuality Through Performing Bad Retro for Stoned Teenagers."
RedPill Swallowed
Jealous.
deathtokoalas
naw. even in my late 90s synth-pop phase, i never had any aspirations towards this. and while my background is in math, and math is kind of like philosophy, my epistemology has always been empirically driven. i'm just dismissive.
RedPill Swallowed
I'm not even going to pretend that I don't need to google some of those words, lol....I'll just agree. Have a nice day. :)
deathtokoalas
it's not that rough. if you ignore silly people like kant, like you should, and like maus doesn't, mathematics and philosophy share an approach to understanding knowledge, which is based in deducing things from assumptions with logic. this is somewhat - albeit not entirely - contradictory to a scientific worldview, which attempts to understand knowledge through experiment.
it gets confusing when you acknowledge that there are quasi-empirical branches of mathematics (like constructivism). but that can kind of be glossed over for the purposes of getting to my point.
....which is that i don't really have time for speculative branches of philosophy. well, i guess it's fun to read sometimes. and you have to define questions before you can test them. but there's not much room for jealousy, there, as a result of that.
accidentalprotégé
I don't agree with everything that comes out of John Maus' mouth but what makes his music "Bad Retro?" As someone who dislikes socialized medicine I still think Rights For Gays is a banger.
deathtokoalas
i'm a fan of the period he's drawing on, but i just don't hear anything except watered down emulation.
Me Ear
Do ya get out much? Me neither. I'm a fat, damaged idiot tho. And your aspirations to truth are fine if it gets you thru shit. Really. I'm not being sarcastic. Even your aspirations to a superiority over others are harmless here in youtube comment sections. Bluntly tho, you don't know shit. Humanity is a tribe of monkeys that fell out of a tree one unfortunate day. And there's good folks and cunts. That's it. But what do I know? lol. Best wishes.
deathtokoalas
yeah. i'm post-godel. i get that. that doesn't have much to do with what i was saying, though. if anything, it's an argument in favour of empiricism.
Me Ear
Well, thanks for replying. 1 or 2 folks were nasty to you on here. I can be nasty too, very. Godel? Not heard of him, if it's a dude. It's in humans to value truth, yes. But there isn't any. And what you believe? It's not important. I'm exaggerating somewhat, yes.
Religion, philosophy, science, can have a place, yes. But anyway, one guy, or girl, sees a cat with 3 legs, kicks it across the road. Another guy or girl feeds it. All the rest is theory, in my view. And, no, I wouldn't kick the cat, on my worst possible day.
deathtokoalas
godel was an early 20th century mathematician that produced a series of important proofs. he's been described as the most important logician since aristotle. and, in some sense he defined a type of thinking that is necessarily post-aristotlian.
i have to oversimplify dramatically. but, he demonstrated that we have a choice between completeness and consistency. what that means is that there are necessarily true statements that can never be proven true - and that we can in fact prove can never be proven, despite being true.
that has a lot of implications to the axiom-deduction approach to epistemology. it throws kant out the window, to begin with. his whole concept of synthetic a priori knowledge being superior is rendered ridiculous.
again: i don't really see any point where you're disagreeing with me. you're just displaying that you didn't really understand what i typed.
Me Ear
I drink, listen to music and type shit for something to do, which I don't usually remember because I'm mentally disordered, damaged and drunk.
A serious (not sarcastic) question - why post clever stuff on youtube? And, again seriously, where can doing so lead to?
(There's clever folks on youtube, yes, but most of them seem to end up wanting to die fairly soon after they've posted on the toob amongst folk like me, don't they?)
deathtokoalas
see, here's the thing: maybe people reading my ranting might click on my name and check out my channel, and then go to my bandcamp site. the more places i leave links, the higher the possibility.
it's a benevolent type of spam/marketing, in the sense that people get something out of it. and, i don't get deleted or marked as spam, either.
Me Ear
I'll look at your channel then. I used to rant til I got a troll. Who had a channel. lol. I looked at it eventually, worst music ever. lol again. You know what tho? Your enemy is your helper too. I imagine you're smart enough to have heard of the concept. Except young kids are killing themselves coz of trolls now.. There was a case of somebody in this country who trolled somebody on 6000 websites. Those 2 should've got married, they had very similar interests.lol. Peace. xxx
Thursday, December 18, 2014
i'm making a little progress, but i didn't realize how similar so much of this is...
there's really three parts, with the third doubled and split l/r, but the drum is panned hard to the right so the effect is not commutative. the sound dominating in the headphones is on the left channel, with the right channel adding subtle levels of colour.
the first has some reverb and a little delay, the second is a heavy chorus and the third/fourth are a kind of heavier shadow delay, in that they have almost no dry signal. but the colouring is dramatic.
so, what i'm noticing is that each combination, if held static otherwise, is only minimally different on the right channel. which might seem like it would reduce possibilities - but not all the way down to 27 - but in fact actually requires very carefully listening to isolate the differences.
but i am making progress. splitting the set into three really helped a lot.
there's really three parts, with the third doubled and split l/r, but the drum is panned hard to the right so the effect is not commutative. the sound dominating in the headphones is on the left channel, with the right channel adding subtle levels of colour.
the first has some reverb and a little delay, the second is a heavy chorus and the third/fourth are a kind of heavier shadow delay, in that they have almost no dry signal. but the colouring is dramatic.
so, what i'm noticing is that each combination, if held static otherwise, is only minimally different on the right channel. which might seem like it would reduce possibilities - but not all the way down to 27 - but in fact actually requires very carefully listening to isolate the differences.
but i am making progress. splitting the set into three really helped a lot.
this round robin thing isn't working; i'm not comparing apples and apples. rather, i'm going to have to break it down into sets: some renders are "bright", others are "dark" and still others sound very compressed, almost "tinny". comparing them against each other isn't producing a total order. once i can break it into sets, i can compare apples and apples and then figure out which one i prefer as a base sound.
i can't isolate it as a single factor, either. that's why i couldn't get it right. if i take the model down on one and up on the other it will have a similar effect as if i do the opposite thing....
i can't isolate it as a single factor, either. that's why i couldn't get it right. if i take the model down on one and up on the other it will have a similar effect as if i do the opposite thing....
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
ok, i got the things done i wanted done this morning, meaning i now have a straight week with nothing else on my mind. i just need to get something to eat....
i need to point out that this page is going to change soon. i'm going to be moving the "journal" component off, restricting this to a strict musical timeline that is basically going to be little more than the rss feed from bandcamp...
i think it's probably beneficial. i mean, i'm keeping a journal because *i* want to keep a journal. you may be more interested in just knowing when the music comes up. which is what the rss feed is for. but it's also what a lot of people do with their facebook pages, and what i'm defaulting to.
that being said, i will post the link to the journal when i set it up.
it'll either be at tumblr or blogspot, depending on which gives me more of the options i want to integrate into my appspot site, which is where everything is moving.
there's just a lot of things about facebook i don't like. the spying is kind of a minor inconvenience. i'm more irritated by the lack of control.
it'll be a while, because i'm transferring my main profile first, but it's coming.
actually, i'm feeling a little tired right now from a lot of walking and just want to kind of curl up. i'll be back at this when i wake up.
i need to point out that this page is going to change soon. i'm going to be moving the "journal" component off, restricting this to a strict musical timeline that is basically going to be little more than the rss feed from bandcamp...
i think it's probably beneficial. i mean, i'm keeping a journal because *i* want to keep a journal. you may be more interested in just knowing when the music comes up. which is what the rss feed is for. but it's also what a lot of people do with their facebook pages, and what i'm defaulting to.
that being said, i will post the link to the journal when i set it up.
it'll either be at tumblr or blogspot, depending on which gives me more of the options i want to integrate into my appspot site, which is where everything is moving.
there's just a lot of things about facebook i don't like. the spying is kind of a minor inconvenience. i'm more irritated by the lack of control.
it'll be a while, because i'm transferring my main profile first, but it's coming.
actually, i'm feeling a little tired right now from a lot of walking and just want to kind of curl up. i'll be back at this when i wake up.
it would be nice to just download all your facebook posts, but you can't actually do that....
rather than sit and copy and paste for a week or longer, i'm going to do a little when i wake up and a little when i go to sleep. i started this process yesterday. i figure it'll be about a month before it's done. maybe longer, though. there's a lot...
when i get that done, i'm going to want to move to a service that i can integrate more cleanly into the appspot site. i don't know what that's going to be, i'll have to play with it. tumblr. blogspot. i want something where i can control the presentation better. i'll post that when i figure it out.
so, i'll still be posting here for a while, until i figure that out. but i've set the process in motion.
a few years ago, i was arguing that rss was dead because facebook had rendered it obsolete. and, for a while, that may have been true. but, the changes facebook has made have managed to take it from being on the cusp of dominance to virtual irrelevance.
it's now a paid advertising service. they cut out posts. the end user has very little control over what appears in the feed. that's not a replacement for rss, it's a replacement for television.
if whatever replaces facebook learns the lesson, it may kill rss. but facebook has managed to shoot themselves in the foot with it. and i'm going back to the old.
if what you want is a customizable feed that gives you what you want to get, you can't get it through facebook....
rather, you get what facebook has taken payment to promote.
i'm not the first out. but as more and more people leave, it will drive more and more people out until it's a ghost town.
the future of this platform is ad servers talking to each other over a barren landscape...
in the end, it's a case study as to what not to do.
in the end, this isn't going to be empty, but i want to ensure that anybody can just scroll through and not miss posts. that's going to restrict it, basically, to record release dates and posts to essays/papers. and i *will* keep updating that here...
but it's going to look more like a c.v. than a blog. the blog is moving out...
rather than sit and copy and paste for a week or longer, i'm going to do a little when i wake up and a little when i go to sleep. i started this process yesterday. i figure it'll be about a month before it's done. maybe longer, though. there's a lot...
when i get that done, i'm going to want to move to a service that i can integrate more cleanly into the appspot site. i don't know what that's going to be, i'll have to play with it. tumblr. blogspot. i want something where i can control the presentation better. i'll post that when i figure it out.
so, i'll still be posting here for a while, until i figure that out. but i've set the process in motion.
a few years ago, i was arguing that rss was dead because facebook had rendered it obsolete. and, for a while, that may have been true. but, the changes facebook has made have managed to take it from being on the cusp of dominance to virtual irrelevance.
it's now a paid advertising service. they cut out posts. the end user has very little control over what appears in the feed. that's not a replacement for rss, it's a replacement for television.
if whatever replaces facebook learns the lesson, it may kill rss. but facebook has managed to shoot themselves in the foot with it. and i'm going back to the old.
if what you want is a customizable feed that gives you what you want to get, you can't get it through facebook....
rather, you get what facebook has taken payment to promote.
i'm not the first out. but as more and more people leave, it will drive more and more people out until it's a ghost town.
the future of this platform is ad servers talking to each other over a barren landscape...
in the end, it's a case study as to what not to do.
in the end, this isn't going to be empty, but i want to ensure that anybody can just scroll through and not miss posts. that's going to restrict it, basically, to record release dates and posts to essays/papers. and i *will* keep updating that here...
but it's going to look more like a c.v. than a blog. the blog is moving out...
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
so, there are three parameters to modify in the four simultaneously playing guitar tracks.
3^4 = 81 different possibilities.
i've played the thing back far more than 81 times. if i don't do this systematically, i'll never finish it. i need to ensure that i've heard all possibilities and am picking the best one before i mod it further.
so, i'm dumping all 81 possibilities to wave file...
i'll then have to put together a sort of round robin tournament, where i hold parameters constant and check for the differences in one parameter. the "winner" will move on to the next round. eventually, there will be one file left and that's what i'll go with,
hey, i studied math for quite a while. i can't abolish my nature. it just means it'll take another day...
3^4 = 81 different possibilities.
i've played the thing back far more than 81 times. if i don't do this systematically, i'll never finish it. i need to ensure that i've heard all possibilities and am picking the best one before i mod it further.
so, i'm dumping all 81 possibilities to wave file...
i'll then have to put together a sort of round robin tournament, where i hold parameters constant and check for the differences in one parameter. the "winner" will move on to the next round. eventually, there will be one file left and that's what i'll go with,
hey, i studied math for quite a while. i can't abolish my nature. it just means it'll take another day...
ugh.
i've been through this before, but i keep doing it. i know the reality: trying to recreate a patch you thought was "perfect" from scratch is basically chasing a utopian fantasy. it's not real. it can never be real...
...because, what is "perfect"? it's no doubt better than what actually existed. and, so, for all i know i could have dialed right past what i had in the first place and not realized it, all the while afraid to make too many changes because i might lose the imaginary ideal that i'm projecting, the sound that never existed in the first place.
so, i just need to dial it to something close and then be a little less paranoid about modifying it. it's starting to seem like i'm going to want to add a fifth part on the high end...
i've been through this before, but i keep doing it. i know the reality: trying to recreate a patch you thought was "perfect" from scratch is basically chasing a utopian fantasy. it's not real. it can never be real...
...because, what is "perfect"? it's no doubt better than what actually existed. and, so, for all i know i could have dialed right past what i had in the first place and not realized it, all the while afraid to make too many changes because i might lose the imaginary ideal that i'm projecting, the sound that never existed in the first place.
so, i just need to dial it to something close and then be a little less paranoid about modifying it. it's starting to seem like i'm going to want to add a fifth part on the high end...
Monday, December 15, 2014
yeah. i'm mad at myself. i've got this kind of thurston moore meets allan holdsworth guitar part quadrupled, and it was just what i wanted to hear, but i fucked up the modelling by freezing and unfreezing the tracks. now, i can't get it right...
it's four parts running simultaneously, so it's not tweaking one thing. it's tweaking four things that combine to create one thing.
i may have to sleep on it.
it's four parts running simultaneously, so it's not tweaking one thing. it's tweaking four things that combine to create one thing.
i may have to sleep on it.
so, i got my extension pretty easily. i didn't even have to ask for it. suggesting somebody's reading this....
hey, it's alright. it's evidence in my favour, right?
so, i have until april, now. camh is on the 12th of january. that gives me plenty of time to work something out in a less dramatic fashion and pushes possible appeals forward until july. that's actually enough time that i might get the discography done, at which point plans begin to shift.
i'm hoping i can get at least two more years on odsp, which should hopefully give me enough time to (1) complete the discography and (2) get a good chunk of the reading i want to do before i go back to school done. if i can get five years, it should transition me just about perfectly into a master's program somewhere. possibly in kitchener or london. there's reasons i moved to windsor, but the local place of higher education is not one of them. i stayed at carleton for a really long time because i was tied to the city and it was really a better option than ottawa for the things i was studying (and also because i liked the campus). but i think that going to a lower ranked school actually stifled me a little in terms of dealing with less than brilliant profs and slightly tedious curricula. if i'm going back to school, i'm going to go to a good one.
the flip side of that is that i really, really like where i'm staying. i wouldn't move unless i was pretty serious about it. and i'm projecting that forwards, but it's hard to predict where my head is going to be in 5 years.
and, if i can get permanent, i can basically just work out my ideas without the necessity of having to deal with the education system at all. i think there's something to be said for being the eccentric oddball that escapes peer review by publishing papers to appspot.
but, one thing at a time: i got my extension. so i can relax for the holidays and start scheming in january.
hey, it's alright. it's evidence in my favour, right?
so, i have until april, now. camh is on the 12th of january. that gives me plenty of time to work something out in a less dramatic fashion and pushes possible appeals forward until july. that's actually enough time that i might get the discography done, at which point plans begin to shift.
i'm hoping i can get at least two more years on odsp, which should hopefully give me enough time to (1) complete the discography and (2) get a good chunk of the reading i want to do before i go back to school done. if i can get five years, it should transition me just about perfectly into a master's program somewhere. possibly in kitchener or london. there's reasons i moved to windsor, but the local place of higher education is not one of them. i stayed at carleton for a really long time because i was tied to the city and it was really a better option than ottawa for the things i was studying (and also because i liked the campus). but i think that going to a lower ranked school actually stifled me a little in terms of dealing with less than brilliant profs and slightly tedious curricula. if i'm going back to school, i'm going to go to a good one.
the flip side of that is that i really, really like where i'm staying. i wouldn't move unless i was pretty serious about it. and i'm projecting that forwards, but it's hard to predict where my head is going to be in 5 years.
and, if i can get permanent, i can basically just work out my ideas without the necessity of having to deal with the education system at all. i think there's something to be said for being the eccentric oddball that escapes peer review by publishing papers to appspot.
but, one thing at a time: i got my extension. so i can relax for the holidays and start scheming in january.
i've been playing with levels all night. and there's a
nasty memory leak in my drum plugin causing me to stop and start. it's
probably the last time i'm using it.
i've got a phone call to make at 8:30 and i think this should be done by then. and i think the final mix should be done by the time i leave for camh tomorrow, if i have to leave for camh tomorrow.
i was thinking i'd probably move some of the vst stuff over, but it's not going to be much, if it's anything at all.
i've got a phone call to make at 8:30 and i think this should be done by then. and i think the final mix should be done by the time i leave for camh tomorrow, if i have to leave for camh tomorrow.
i was thinking i'd probably move some of the vst stuff over, but it's not going to be much, if it's anything at all.
i'm seriously considering installing a camera on my screen to keep track of what i'm doing, so i can rewind the thing in case i haphazardly change something and forget what i did.
i mean, telling myself doesn't seem to work. and it's not even feasible, when you really think about it.
i bet the cia'd love that, huh?
i mean, telling myself doesn't seem to work. and it's not even feasible, when you really think about it.
i bet the cia'd love that, huh?
Sunday, December 14, 2014
untitled (pretentious mix)
this is the version that i modified from the
cakewalk output, but i ended up rejecting it because i added some guitar
and synth parts that don't really work well with the track. i do a lot
of improvisational noise, and wanted to integrate that aesthetic, but,
instead, it just comes off sounding a little pretentious.
it wasn't long before i realized my error, but i hadn't saved a version i could go back to so i was sort out of luck. what i ended up doing was cutting the middle part out of the track when i used it for the reflections ep, then just dropped it from the symphony altogether.
nor can this be effectively reconstructed from the source, due to it having multiple paste overs after the cakewalk mixdown that are impossible to locate in the file. the result is something like a little reverb/delay on the track. it's consequently a unique, discarded mix that must simply be left as is.
dated to sept 10, 2002. uploaded, unmodified, on dec 14, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-pretentious-mix
it wasn't long before i realized my error, but i hadn't saved a version i could go back to so i was sort out of luck. what i ended up doing was cutting the middle part out of the track when i used it for the reflections ep, then just dropped it from the symphony altogether.
nor can this be effectively reconstructed from the source, due to it having multiple paste overs after the cakewalk mixdown that are impossible to locate in the file. the result is something like a little reverb/delay on the track. it's consequently a unique, discarded mix that must simply be left as is.
dated to sept 10, 2002. uploaded, unmodified, on dec 14, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-pretentious-mix
so, i'm skipping the rejected mix. it was rejected for good reasons. there were only four extra parts to it, and they're going to end up fixed up n the final mix, so it would just be superfluous.
that means i'm already stating the vst mix after i eat.
it also means i'll have room to put an early version of the first movement of the fifth symphony on the end of this single, which is good because it's really the right place for it.
parts of the rejected mix will reappear on the seven track version of the reflections single release, because i was distributing it the way. i cut the middle out when i did this. i ended up taking the song out of my fifth symphony, so it won't be on the two track 5/6 disc. rather, the final mix will be on j^2.
but, then you're not getting everything on the single, which is the point.
gah.
ok, i need to get this up, after all. i can't modify it because i put it through a mild delay. but at least it was never compressed.
that means i'm already stating the vst mix after i eat.
it also means i'll have room to put an early version of the first movement of the fifth symphony on the end of this single, which is good because it's really the right place for it.
parts of the rejected mix will reappear on the seven track version of the reflections single release, because i was distributing it the way. i cut the middle out when i did this. i ended up taking the song out of my fifth symphony, so it won't be on the two track 5/6 disc. rather, the final mix will be on j^2.
but, then you're not getting everything on the single, which is the point.
gah.
ok, i need to get this up, after all. i can't modify it because i put it through a mild delay. but at least it was never compressed.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
uploading already completed mixes of untitled to inri061 & inri070
1) this track was initially written as a folk punk song, but i jumped to the scorewriter with it almost immediately. the expanded guitar demo was written in a scorewriter and then performed, rather than vice versa. it was initially less about explicitly creating a techno song and more about ordering the parts in a way that could be deconstructed more effectively.
the taiko drum part was initially just to keep time; it wasn't supposed to be a part of the song. but, as i built it up i began to realize how interesting it sounded as a techno tune and sort of ran with it.
written over the summer of 2002. this render is from dec 13, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled
2) i programmed this over late july and early august, 2002. render from december 13, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/soundblaster-mix-7
3) when i initially recorded the track in cakewalk (as an experiment with the program) on a windows 98 machine, i ran out of ram after eight tracks and had to go back to my normal wave editor collage-build mixing process to finish it. unfortunately, i didn't really like the edits i made and ended up defaulting to this version for many years. however, it was only saved in mp3...
on aug 11, 2010, i converted the track to 32-bit directly from the mp3 (which i verified in dec, 2014 via phase inversion) and uploaded it to bandcamp, as a part of the never really finished and with now unclear future tetris project ( jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/tetris ). while i don't feel that the sound quality of the track is sufficient to act as a base for a final version, the process of compressing, decompressing and then converting to 32-bit produced something special on the bottom end that i feel is worth keeping for it's own sake.
dated to sept 1, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-out-of-ram-mix
the taiko drum part was initially just to keep time; it wasn't supposed to be a part of the song. but, as i built it up i began to realize how interesting it sounded as a techno tune and sort of ran with it.
written over the summer of 2002. this render is from dec 13, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled
2) i programmed this over late july and early august, 2002. render from december 13, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/soundblaster-mix-7
3) when i initially recorded the track in cakewalk (as an experiment with the program) on a windows 98 machine, i ran out of ram after eight tracks and had to go back to my normal wave editor collage-build mixing process to finish it. unfortunately, i didn't really like the edits i made and ended up defaulting to this version for many years. however, it was only saved in mp3...
on aug 11, 2010, i converted the track to 32-bit directly from the mp3 (which i verified in dec, 2014 via phase inversion) and uploaded it to bandcamp, as a part of the never really finished and with now unclear future tetris project ( jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/tetris ). while i don't feel that the sound quality of the track is sufficient to act as a base for a final version, the process of compressing, decompressing and then converting to 32-bit produced something special on the bottom end that i feel is worth keeping for it's own sake.
dated to sept 1, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-out-of-ram-mix
just a note that things are converging towards an early 2015 shut down date for my facebook presence, which i've been planning for quite a while. i'm making that call on monday morning; if i have to stand outside for four hours, it's ok because it will be nice out. if things work out, i will have time to migrate out of facebook when i get to the shift in my discography (i'm calling it the shift from period 2 to period 3) that happened at the beginning of 2003. it's a natural point to stop and review what i've done over the last year. i'm currently in september, 2002. as an aside, my movement through will likely speed up from 2003-2005 because i don't have the pile of unfinished tracks over this period that i had from 2001-2002. 2005-2011, however, has even more unfinished stuff that will require even more work. i mean, the 2001-2002 stuff was mostly written out in scores or in my head, it just had to get it finished. i'd guess that only about half of the 2005-2011 stuff is fully written; the rest of it exists in sort of vague descriptions. for example, i have a concept record tying ideas of simultaneous "crash" (oil crash, economic collapse, aliens crash landing...there's a narrative....) together that is penciled in for 2006 but only consists of a 9 minute opening noise collage and the first few minutes of a score...considering that this may be a double, that's almost a full construction required.
i've been putting migrating off this site off because it's a two week long project and i've been prioritizing getting as much as i can done before i come up against this possibility of losing my income source. if it doesn't work out, i don't want a website to be what i have to show for my last few months. but if i'm confident i have more time, it will become a priority to get off this.
facebook just isn't the right way to get this documented. basically, i actually like the timeline. that's what i'm using, here. but even the timeline is stupid - it cuts out posts when you're floating through. what's the point of that? my life history isn't something to be upvoted or downvoted.
so, i'm going to basically convert the timeline out of this hideous server side php thing to a hardcoded html file and put it up at my appspot site. i'm going to want to find a way to get an rss feed out of it, and dump it to the music site. i'm then going to delete all of the content here and stop posting.
in the mean time, i'm still updating. but that will stop soon one way or another.
i'm realizing i'm kind of giving into the google monopoly of the internet.
but, based on what i actually want, they're simply doing everything right...and these other sites just aren't...
i'm leaving the account open because it's still the best way to find concerts. otherwise, i don't really have any use for this anymore.
as far as public commentary is concerned, i'm using google+ to rant. if you're enjoying my ranting, that's where i'm doing it. part of it is that all these privacy concerns on facebook are rather counterproductive for me; i like the idea of twitter's hashtags, but i find the character limits make the site useless. i mean, it's the internet. the internet ought to be public. if you want privacy, i'd argue you should just not post on the internet. but, for me, because i'm constantly trying to draw attention to myself, it doesn't make sense to have things housed in this space. when i post a rant to google, it gets cross-listed to a video on youtube that the whole world can access. and that's what i actually want, not this friend-zone exclusive area.
i've been putting migrating off this site off because it's a two week long project and i've been prioritizing getting as much as i can done before i come up against this possibility of losing my income source. if it doesn't work out, i don't want a website to be what i have to show for my last few months. but if i'm confident i have more time, it will become a priority to get off this.
facebook just isn't the right way to get this documented. basically, i actually like the timeline. that's what i'm using, here. but even the timeline is stupid - it cuts out posts when you're floating through. what's the point of that? my life history isn't something to be upvoted or downvoted.
so, i'm going to basically convert the timeline out of this hideous server side php thing to a hardcoded html file and put it up at my appspot site. i'm going to want to find a way to get an rss feed out of it, and dump it to the music site. i'm then going to delete all of the content here and stop posting.
in the mean time, i'm still updating. but that will stop soon one way or another.
i'm realizing i'm kind of giving into the google monopoly of the internet.
but, based on what i actually want, they're simply doing everything right...and these other sites just aren't...
i'm leaving the account open because it's still the best way to find concerts. otherwise, i don't really have any use for this anymore.
as far as public commentary is concerned, i'm using google+ to rant. if you're enjoying my ranting, that's where i'm doing it. part of it is that all these privacy concerns on facebook are rather counterproductive for me; i like the idea of twitter's hashtags, but i find the character limits make the site useless. i mean, it's the internet. the internet ought to be public. if you want privacy, i'd argue you should just not post on the internet. but, for me, because i'm constantly trying to draw attention to myself, it doesn't make sense to have things housed in this space. when i post a rant to google, it gets cross-listed to a video on youtube that the whole world can access. and that's what i actually want, not this friend-zone exclusive area.
Friday, December 12, 2014
ok, so i've got this broken down into a flow of ideas, even if i can't date it well. i think most of it had to be after august because i remember doing it in the house i moved to in august. anyways...
i've got two incomplete mixes from 2002. neither can be a final mix.
the first one was made in cakewalk. i seem to have then modified the output on it and saved over it, which wouldn't have been an error - it's how i worked. so, i only have that version in mp3. this has been the version i've been uploading to places since 2010, because i wasn't happy with the final one and didn't want to sit down and fix it. i'm going to reconstruct it in cubase - that won't be difficult, as i have all the source files. it's just a question of lining them up and setting the levels. i'll upload a remaster of this because it's the only version anybody's ever heard.
the second mix was supposed to be the completed one and was done in the old cool edit way of pasting files on top of the collage. i didn't have a fast enough computer to keep going in cakewalk. i stayed with this process for years, until i upgraded the old pc in 2007. the problem with this mix is that i put really goofy prog rock guitar and synth parts into it that kind of broke it. i'm going to reconstruct this and upload it, but with the volume on those parts down a little.
before i do these things, i need to check the score. the score as it is is going to come up in soundblaster-rendered midi song form. depending on how much i add, i may do that a second time. a final score version will also go through a vst render process.
when that's all done, i'll need to combine everything together for a final mix.
that sounds like a lot of work but it's really not. christmas at the latest.
i've got two incomplete mixes from 2002. neither can be a final mix.
the first one was made in cakewalk. i seem to have then modified the output on it and saved over it, which wouldn't have been an error - it's how i worked. so, i only have that version in mp3. this has been the version i've been uploading to places since 2010, because i wasn't happy with the final one and didn't want to sit down and fix it. i'm going to reconstruct it in cubase - that won't be difficult, as i have all the source files. it's just a question of lining them up and setting the levels. i'll upload a remaster of this because it's the only version anybody's ever heard.
the second mix was supposed to be the completed one and was done in the old cool edit way of pasting files on top of the collage. i didn't have a fast enough computer to keep going in cakewalk. i stayed with this process for years, until i upgraded the old pc in 2007. the problem with this mix is that i put really goofy prog rock guitar and synth parts into it that kind of broke it. i'm going to reconstruct this and upload it, but with the volume on those parts down a little.
before i do these things, i need to check the score. the score as it is is going to come up in soundblaster-rendered midi song form. depending on how much i add, i may do that a second time. a final score version will also go through a vst render process.
when that's all done, i'll need to combine everything together for a final mix.
that sounds like a lot of work but it's really not. christmas at the latest.
uploading guitar demos to inri061
1) this song was first demoed as a rabit is wolf song, but the changes i made to it were not well received. this is as far as the track got in that context. recorded july 14, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/penny-shoeman-initial-demo
2) this is a second guitar demo, expanded to be a little more elaborate in the guitar playing. notating this formed the basis of the electronic version. recorded july 21, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-expanded-guitar-demo
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/penny-shoeman-initial-demo
2) this is a second guitar demo, expanded to be a little more elaborate in the guitar playing. notating this formed the basis of the electronic version. recorded july 21, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-expanded-guitar-demo
publishing atom’s / taught to twist the affected so low (inri060)
this is two conceptually linked outtakes from mid 2002 that document an event that i'm going to be vague and obscure about.
written in august, 2002. track one was mildly remixed on dec 12, 2014; two and three were uploaded unmodified. final completion date is dec 12, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitar, effects, bass, drum sampling, drum and other programming, digital wave editing, vocals
released august 31, 2002
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/atoms-taught-to-twist-the-affected-so-low
1) i've been very apprehensive about publishing this, but i want to be complete and it was a long time ago.
the summer of 2002 is pretty messy for me. i was very isolated, going through hormone therapy and on the brink of psychological collapse. so, my memory over those months is quite blurry.
for this reason - and others - i'm going to withhold the back story to this track. part of what i'm doing here is writing a biography, and the purpose of that is obviously for readers at some point in the future. that's inevitably going to lead to me framing certain things in a specific and subjective way. as far as this track and these months are concerned, something happened that i'd rather is just simply forgotten. i'd prefer to leave it at that, and for readers and listeners in the future to simply respect that.
to be blunt, it would be difficult to make much sense out of the situation by interpreting these lyrics, anyway. they in no way reflect anything close to an accurate analysis of the situation. it is better to interpret them as rambling lunacy triggered by a schizophrenic episode than to try and make any actual sense out of them as a reaction to something that happened in real life. i was simply not living in the condition of sanity at the time.
i do want to point out that i'm taking some poetic license in the lyrics - you can't really make literal scientific sense of it, so don't try. i was actually more reflecting on my feeling that this science/math education thing wasn't really getting me where i wanted to get to in life. there's a few layers in there, but it's the last line that's the key one.
this was completed in a messy state over a few days in august, 2002. i mildly remixed it to turn the rest of the track up relative to the vocals on dec 12, 2014.
spinning alone
through an empty shell
a sole electron
moves out of it's orbit
the number is zero
this is the covalence
a bond is impossible
while surrounded by neutrons
yet a sole positron floats
in and out of the sphere
the attraction is strong
but it never comes near
the laws now collapse
as the electron moves out
the positron senses
and runs in fear
electrostatics
multiplicity
inverse attraction
the smaller repelled by the larger
physical laws only mean so much
even an electron seeks a positron's touch
the purpose of living is to lose what you crave
bohr, bohr, bohr, BORE spins alone in his grave
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/atoms
2) the effected solo. i thought it was clever at the time.
this was recorded in one take while i was doing guitar parts for the untitled techno tune. my head was blurry and i needed to just stop and jam. i then took the part (which was isolated from a much longer improvisation) and ran it through a series of effects to create this soundscape. dated to august 25, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/taught-to-twist-the-affected-so-low
3) i was doing bass parts on the untitled techno tune when i received the wake-up call...
dated to aug 31, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/wake-up-call
written in august, 2002. track one was mildly remixed on dec 12, 2014; two and three were uploaded unmodified. final completion date is dec 12, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitar, effects, bass, drum sampling, drum and other programming, digital wave editing, vocals
released august 31, 2002
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/atoms-taught-to-twist-the-affected-so-low
1) i've been very apprehensive about publishing this, but i want to be complete and it was a long time ago.
the summer of 2002 is pretty messy for me. i was very isolated, going through hormone therapy and on the brink of psychological collapse. so, my memory over those months is quite blurry.
for this reason - and others - i'm going to withhold the back story to this track. part of what i'm doing here is writing a biography, and the purpose of that is obviously for readers at some point in the future. that's inevitably going to lead to me framing certain things in a specific and subjective way. as far as this track and these months are concerned, something happened that i'd rather is just simply forgotten. i'd prefer to leave it at that, and for readers and listeners in the future to simply respect that.
to be blunt, it would be difficult to make much sense out of the situation by interpreting these lyrics, anyway. they in no way reflect anything close to an accurate analysis of the situation. it is better to interpret them as rambling lunacy triggered by a schizophrenic episode than to try and make any actual sense out of them as a reaction to something that happened in real life. i was simply not living in the condition of sanity at the time.
i do want to point out that i'm taking some poetic license in the lyrics - you can't really make literal scientific sense of it, so don't try. i was actually more reflecting on my feeling that this science/math education thing wasn't really getting me where i wanted to get to in life. there's a few layers in there, but it's the last line that's the key one.
this was completed in a messy state over a few days in august, 2002. i mildly remixed it to turn the rest of the track up relative to the vocals on dec 12, 2014.
spinning alone
through an empty shell
a sole electron
moves out of it's orbit
the number is zero
this is the covalence
a bond is impossible
while surrounded by neutrons
yet a sole positron floats
in and out of the sphere
the attraction is strong
but it never comes near
the laws now collapse
as the electron moves out
the positron senses
and runs in fear
electrostatics
multiplicity
inverse attraction
the smaller repelled by the larger
physical laws only mean so much
even an electron seeks a positron's touch
the purpose of living is to lose what you crave
bohr, bohr, bohr, BORE spins alone in his grave
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/atoms
2) the effected solo. i thought it was clever at the time.
this was recorded in one take while i was doing guitar parts for the untitled techno tune. my head was blurry and i needed to just stop and jam. i then took the part (which was isolated from a much longer improvisation) and ran it through a series of effects to create this soundscape. dated to august 25, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/taught-to-twist-the-affected-so-low
3) i was doing bass parts on the untitled techno tune when i received the wake-up call...
dated to aug 31, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/wake-up-call
Thursday, December 11, 2014
yeah, the remasters have to stand as they are. and they do generally sound punchier, and have better separation on the instruments. further, the higher mix is absolutely closer to the source.
there's a few tracks that do have one aspect or another in the originals that i like better, but dumping them in will pose continuity problems - because the tracks run into each other. it's kind of like the whole thing has to be done one way or another...
i know i'm going to revisit this again. as i stated before: it's probably impossible to get it perfect. but i'll wait until i do the reconstructions before i touch it further.
i'm going to end up trying to rebuild both of these from scratch. i fully realize that. but that's not a quick project, and i can't be doing it right now.
so, back to inri041...this shouldn't take too long to get up, maybe by the end of the night, even.
when i do the reconstructions, i'm going to be focusing on a handful of song suites rather than individual tracks. both the discs are split into 19 tracks. but i'll be interpreting it in runs of 5 or 6. so, it will be easy enough to sort of dump a mix out that i can shape back into an uplifted version of the source. but whether this is feasible or not is going to depend on how much i can phase shift out. i'm using different sound cards to take it in, they've been compressed...i keep saying i can't do this, but i sort of don't want to believe it, even though i know it's true. bah. out of mind. forwards!
there's a few tracks that do have one aspect or another in the originals that i like better, but dumping them in will pose continuity problems - because the tracks run into each other. it's kind of like the whole thing has to be done one way or another...
i know i'm going to revisit this again. as i stated before: it's probably impossible to get it perfect. but i'll wait until i do the reconstructions before i touch it further.
i'm going to end up trying to rebuild both of these from scratch. i fully realize that. but that's not a quick project, and i can't be doing it right now.
so, back to inri041...this shouldn't take too long to get up, maybe by the end of the night, even.
when i do the reconstructions, i'm going to be focusing on a handful of song suites rather than individual tracks. both the discs are split into 19 tracks. but i'll be interpreting it in runs of 5 or 6. so, it will be easy enough to sort of dump a mix out that i can shape back into an uplifted version of the source. but whether this is feasible or not is going to depend on how much i can phase shift out. i'm using different sound cards to take it in, they've been compressed...i keep saying i can't do this, but i sort of don't want to believe it, even though i know it's true. bah. out of mind. forwards!
....and my headphone braces just finally snapped back apart. it's been a little unstable since i fixed it with epoxy, it was a matter of time. this isn't something that affects the sound. and they'll stay in place when i put them on my head, they just fall apart immediately afterwards.
i'll try and stick it back in place before i go to sleep tonight. presuming i can get enough goop out of the tube and don't need to buy more...
i don't think i can find the right kind of braces anywhere. these headphones are almost as old as i am.
actually, i think they're standard sized. i'm probably better off getting new braces. although...actually...
yeah. i just took the braces from the other pair that i lost a few years ago and can't fix due to them being soldered on. it's a little snug, but it'll do until i get a new set of braces.
so, non-issue.
i'll try and stick it back in place before i go to sleep tonight. presuming i can get enough goop out of the tube and don't need to buy more...
i don't think i can find the right kind of braces anywhere. these headphones are almost as old as i am.
actually, i think they're standard sized. i'm probably better off getting new braces. although...actually...
yeah. i just took the braces from the other pair that i lost a few years ago and can't fix due to them being soldered on. it's a little snug, but it'll do until i get a new set of braces.
so, non-issue.
so, my initial logic with this stands...
i only had four tracks at the time to work with, so i generally bounced all the electronic things to a single track - drum machines, sequenced sound card playback, live synths, digital noise. i then put all the guitars on one track, the bass on the third and the vocals on the fourth.
the isolated "digital track" is often interesting it's own kind of way, some of it sounds like early autechre, but it creates something anachronistic if i'm trying to create an ep of stuff from late '97, because a lot of the stuff didn't come in until 1998.
in order to rebuild this little ep, i'd need to redo the drums and sequencers completely. and there's nothing stopping me from doing that. except that there's really only one song that i think it's worthwhile to do it for.
i'm going to wait until i completely reinterpret each of the songs, and then put a series of singles up.
so, there's no lost release. and i'm probably not going to touch the remasters, although i am going to spend the evening listening.
the digitization was useful, but i don't think this little lost ep is worth fucking the discography up over.
i only had four tracks at the time to work with, so i generally bounced all the electronic things to a single track - drum machines, sequenced sound card playback, live synths, digital noise. i then put all the guitars on one track, the bass on the third and the vocals on the fourth.
the isolated "digital track" is often interesting it's own kind of way, some of it sounds like early autechre, but it creates something anachronistic if i'm trying to create an ep of stuff from late '97, because a lot of the stuff didn't come in until 1998.
in order to rebuild this little ep, i'd need to redo the drums and sequencers completely. and there's nothing stopping me from doing that. except that there's really only one song that i think it's worthwhile to do it for.
i'm going to wait until i completely reinterpret each of the songs, and then put a series of singles up.
so, there's no lost release. and i'm probably not going to touch the remasters, although i am going to spend the evening listening.
the digitization was useful, but i don't think this little lost ep is worth fucking the discography up over.
well, i'm not particularly convinced that collusion is not taking place, but i got the refill....
when i got there, he told me it wasn't in yet. so i yelled and screamed for a few minutes, providing the ultimatum to provide me a refund or get on the phone and call around to get it in right away. the owner just coincidentally happened to be in the back, and she took care of it - the refill was there in about twenty minutes. that's how you have to deal with shit like that...
the excuse they gave me was they thought they gave me seven days (but i take them twice daily, so they gave me 3.5). it's a bad excuse, either way, because they told me it would be in by monday....
so, i dunno. all the information to conclude incompetence is there, but it's not really sitting right with me. for the immediate moment, it's sort of irrelevant.
when i got there, he told me it wasn't in yet. so i yelled and screamed for a few minutes, providing the ultimatum to provide me a refund or get on the phone and call around to get it in right away. the owner just coincidentally happened to be in the back, and she took care of it - the refill was there in about twenty minutes. that's how you have to deal with shit like that...
the excuse they gave me was they thought they gave me seven days (but i take them twice daily, so they gave me 3.5). it's a bad excuse, either way, because they told me it would be in by monday....
so, i dunno. all the information to conclude incompetence is there, but it's not really sitting right with me. for the immediate moment, it's sort of irrelevant.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
i'm going to drive myself nuts with this unless i just accept it's all fucked and move on. all i can do is kick myself in the ass.
it's the same basic problem with the drum parts. i have them dumped to chrome tape or i have them in 128 kbps mp3. the tape versions are missing depth and definition, as you'd expect. the mp3 versions are a little sharper, but distort at the edges of the spectrum, as you'd expect. i sold the ry30 about 2003 to go backpacking in bc, which is probably the single dumbest thing i've ever done.
i could maybe mix them together, but i'm going to get funny phasing issues.
...and i might when i do the reconstructions....
...but for now i need to just get what i can off the tapes and move on. i'm the only person in the world that knows that drum snare is supposed to have 33% more reverb on the right channel.
it's the same basic problem with the drum parts. i have them dumped to chrome tape or i have them in 128 kbps mp3. the tape versions are missing depth and definition, as you'd expect. the mp3 versions are a little sharper, but distort at the edges of the spectrum, as you'd expect. i sold the ry30 about 2003 to go backpacking in bc, which is probably the single dumbest thing i've ever done.
i could maybe mix them together, but i'm going to get funny phasing issues.
...and i might when i do the reconstructions....
...but for now i need to just get what i can off the tapes and move on. i'm the only person in the world that knows that drum snare is supposed to have 33% more reverb on the right channel.
i'm starting to think there's a conspiracy amongst the medical establishment in this town.
i went on saturday to fill my last refill on the emergency estrace prescription. they had 7 pills they could give me, and told me to come back on monday. i gave them a few extra days to make sure it was in. they didn't order it at all and told me to come back tomorrow...
i have a high expectation for incompetence in general, and am more than willing to assign it to the pharmacy at shopper's drug mart. but, there's a general pattern, here. did i upset somebody by going out of town for a rx? awww.
now, i have a new prescription and i haven't brought it in yet. if it's not there tomorrow, i'm going to have to take that prescription to a different pharmacy.
but i'm left wondering about collusion occurring. it's a small town....
then again, i know i get schizophrenic under stress. which is why i need to avoid stress. you dumb system, you.
we'll find out tomorrow...
i mean, they owe me 53 pills. i paid for them. i need to get them, eventually. but i need the refill by friday morning, too.
again: i think i might be dealing with a religious issue, which is the same problem i had with the local clinic. the main guy back there refuses to refer to me as jessica...
it seems to be a specifically muslim thing. i mean, i don't think one religion is more intolerant than the other with this. but it seems to be that some muslims in the community are having a hard time reconciling their religious value system with our dominant secular value system, and may be a little confused about what our law prioritizes when there's a conflict in place.
i don't have a lot of opposition to diversity. i don't think increasing immigration in a contracting economy is smart, but that has nothing to do with where people are coming from, it just has to do with the gross number of people in. given that we have little reason to think we can expect anything other than near zero to negative growth for the foreseeable future, i think restricting our immigration policy, overall, would be the preferable economic choice at this point in time. but that's an economic calculation, rather than a perspective on diversity.
however, i don't like this idea of religious people enforcing their value systems - regardless of the religion they're enforcing. and, i feel that may be a developing problem.
it's something that needs to be dealt with by the courts, who need to strongly enforce access to health care as a priority over religious objections to providing it. that law needs to be laid down, with extreme force.
i'd argue that it should be an offense that should necessitate a loss of license.
but we'll see what happens tomorrow.
i see that this is actually a current issue...
http://rabble.ca/columnists/2014/08/doctors-do-not-have-right-to-discriminate-and-deny-basic-health-care
ok. it turns out that this is under review, and a set of stricter guidelines is likely to come into force in 2015.
so, that's good news. i'd expect some court cases out of it...
the court isn't going to think in terms of balancing one right against another - it's repeatedly rejected that kind of thinking. but there is a contradiction.
the way i see it is that people make a choice to be a doctor, and in doing so they waive their right to religious objections. doctors work in the service industry. they're required to provide the services they're requested. and if they can't carry out those requests, they should find a different job that doesn't conflict with their religious views.
what that means is that i think being licensed to practice medicine in canada should be attached to upholding a secular value system. you'd have to rephrase that in terms of upholding science to make it legal, but it's the essential idea.
another way you could look at it is that, in canada, doctors are quasi-employees of the government. they're not technically. they run private businesses and cash in insurance hours. but it's being paid for by tax money.
as such, they really *ought* to be under the same legal purview as any other government body (and i don't know if they legally are). but, if they are, as they should be, the argument turns around the other way: conscientious objection becomes something that infringes on the patient's freedom of religion. which is kind of what i'm *feeling* about it...
when a doctor refuses treatment based on a religious view, they're enforcing their views on the patient as much as they're upholding their own. which is really what the actual problem is and really what needs to be addressed.
i mean, consider the issue applied to any other government service. could you imagine welfare refusing to hand out checks to single mothers because it feels their behaviour is sinful? city hall refusing to hand out drivers licenses to women because it believes women should stay at home? that's not the analogy people want to use because we have all these wonky class ideas. but, in canada, it's closer to the right one - whether it conforms to the legal technicality or not.
i went on saturday to fill my last refill on the emergency estrace prescription. they had 7 pills they could give me, and told me to come back on monday. i gave them a few extra days to make sure it was in. they didn't order it at all and told me to come back tomorrow...
i have a high expectation for incompetence in general, and am more than willing to assign it to the pharmacy at shopper's drug mart. but, there's a general pattern, here. did i upset somebody by going out of town for a rx? awww.
now, i have a new prescription and i haven't brought it in yet. if it's not there tomorrow, i'm going to have to take that prescription to a different pharmacy.
but i'm left wondering about collusion occurring. it's a small town....
then again, i know i get schizophrenic under stress. which is why i need to avoid stress. you dumb system, you.
we'll find out tomorrow...
i mean, they owe me 53 pills. i paid for them. i need to get them, eventually. but i need the refill by friday morning, too.
again: i think i might be dealing with a religious issue, which is the same problem i had with the local clinic. the main guy back there refuses to refer to me as jessica...
it seems to be a specifically muslim thing. i mean, i don't think one religion is more intolerant than the other with this. but it seems to be that some muslims in the community are having a hard time reconciling their religious value system with our dominant secular value system, and may be a little confused about what our law prioritizes when there's a conflict in place.
i don't have a lot of opposition to diversity. i don't think increasing immigration in a contracting economy is smart, but that has nothing to do with where people are coming from, it just has to do with the gross number of people in. given that we have little reason to think we can expect anything other than near zero to negative growth for the foreseeable future, i think restricting our immigration policy, overall, would be the preferable economic choice at this point in time. but that's an economic calculation, rather than a perspective on diversity.
however, i don't like this idea of religious people enforcing their value systems - regardless of the religion they're enforcing. and, i feel that may be a developing problem.
it's something that needs to be dealt with by the courts, who need to strongly enforce access to health care as a priority over religious objections to providing it. that law needs to be laid down, with extreme force.
i'd argue that it should be an offense that should necessitate a loss of license.
but we'll see what happens tomorrow.
i see that this is actually a current issue...
http://rabble.ca/columnists/2014/08/doctors-do-not-have-right-to-discriminate-and-deny-basic-health-care
ok. it turns out that this is under review, and a set of stricter guidelines is likely to come into force in 2015.
so, that's good news. i'd expect some court cases out of it...
the court isn't going to think in terms of balancing one right against another - it's repeatedly rejected that kind of thinking. but there is a contradiction.
the way i see it is that people make a choice to be a doctor, and in doing so they waive their right to religious objections. doctors work in the service industry. they're required to provide the services they're requested. and if they can't carry out those requests, they should find a different job that doesn't conflict with their religious views.
what that means is that i think being licensed to practice medicine in canada should be attached to upholding a secular value system. you'd have to rephrase that in terms of upholding science to make it legal, but it's the essential idea.
another way you could look at it is that, in canada, doctors are quasi-employees of the government. they're not technically. they run private businesses and cash in insurance hours. but it's being paid for by tax money.
as such, they really *ought* to be under the same legal purview as any other government body (and i don't know if they legally are). but, if they are, as they should be, the argument turns around the other way: conscientious objection becomes something that infringes on the patient's freedom of religion. which is kind of what i'm *feeling* about it...
when a doctor refuses treatment based on a religious view, they're enforcing their views on the patient as much as they're upholding their own. which is really what the actual problem is and really what needs to be addressed.
i mean, consider the issue applied to any other government service. could you imagine welfare refusing to hand out checks to single mothers because it feels their behaviour is sinful? city hall refusing to hand out drivers licenses to women because it believes women should stay at home? that's not the analogy people want to use because we have all these wonky class ideas. but, in canada, it's closer to the right one - whether it conforms to the legal technicality or not.
it was too cold to stand at a pay phone for an hour this morning....
and will be tomorrow, too. and probably also friday. it'll be nice on monday.
i still have over a month. and once i set this in motion there's not going to be any option but to work it out quickly. i mean, i'm not going to wait between attempts. i'm going to go back to camh and do it again the immediate moment i'm released, and i'm going to do it until they fill out the forms. they can't let that happen more than a few times...
i don't have any problems ruining everybody else's christmas, either. i mean, if you're still celebrating the birth of fictional characters, who can be bothered with your opinion? burn the tree already. yeesh.
bonus: if we were to collectively stop celebrating christmas, our entire economic system would collapse.
it's the wind rather than the temperature. it's actually been pleasant, temperature wise, all fall. it's hovering around 0 this week, which is fine. but the winds are coming in from the north at gale gusts and dropping the temperature to around -10. it's not fun to stand in...
it'll be nice when this pattern shifts.
i'm thinking the longer i leave it, the more likely i am to get an extension, as well. because they can tell me i still have a month. if i get an extension, it pushes the whole process forwards in time...that's what i really want...as far as i can push it...
and will be tomorrow, too. and probably also friday. it'll be nice on monday.
i still have over a month. and once i set this in motion there's not going to be any option but to work it out quickly. i mean, i'm not going to wait between attempts. i'm going to go back to camh and do it again the immediate moment i'm released, and i'm going to do it until they fill out the forms. they can't let that happen more than a few times...
i don't have any problems ruining everybody else's christmas, either. i mean, if you're still celebrating the birth of fictional characters, who can be bothered with your opinion? burn the tree already. yeesh.
bonus: if we were to collectively stop celebrating christmas, our entire economic system would collapse.
it's the wind rather than the temperature. it's actually been pleasant, temperature wise, all fall. it's hovering around 0 this week, which is fine. but the winds are coming in from the north at gale gusts and dropping the temperature to around -10. it's not fun to stand in...
it'll be nice when this pattern shifts.
i'm thinking the longer i leave it, the more likely i am to get an extension, as well. because they can tell me i still have a month. if i get an extension, it pushes the whole process forwards in time...that's what i really want...as far as i can push it...
so...
1) upload the two inrijected files. done.
2) ry30 ep.
3) compile a list of things added to the final mixes that are not in the cassette mixes.
4) decide how realistic reconstructing it is.
here's a random example: i recorded the sound of a printer sometime in 1998 and used it in the bridge of a song. there's no algorithm for that. the only way i could get the printer sound back to reintegrate into a new mix is by phase cancelling the drums, guitars and synths in the song. there's probably literally at least 100 further examples of this.
the other thing is that there's a lot of continuity between the tracks. so, they need to maintain a certain amount of flow in the process, which means while i may be able to reconstruct one song it's not useful unless i can reconstruct all six of the songs that flow in and out of it..
again: i don't think this is going to be realistic, and i'm going to have to live with either the compressed cd-r burn or the constructions i put together last year using eqs and mastering software. but i have to prove that to myself...
at least i'll have that ry30 ep, so you can hear what they sounded like, raw. yeah. yeah. yeah. that covers both options.
and, to capture that raw state, it's probably best if i mix them on the tascam. ok. i've got a plan...
1) upload the two inrijected files. done.
2) ry30 ep.
3) compile a list of things added to the final mixes that are not in the cassette mixes.
4) decide how realistic reconstructing it is.
here's a random example: i recorded the sound of a printer sometime in 1998 and used it in the bridge of a song. there's no algorithm for that. the only way i could get the printer sound back to reintegrate into a new mix is by phase cancelling the drums, guitars and synths in the song. there's probably literally at least 100 further examples of this.
the other thing is that there's a lot of continuity between the tracks. so, they need to maintain a certain amount of flow in the process, which means while i may be able to reconstruct one song it's not useful unless i can reconstruct all six of the songs that flow in and out of it..
again: i don't think this is going to be realistic, and i'm going to have to live with either the compressed cd-r burn or the constructions i put together last year using eqs and mastering software. but i have to prove that to myself...
at least i'll have that ry30 ep, so you can hear what they sounded like, raw. yeah. yeah. yeah. that covers both options.
and, to capture that raw state, it's probably best if i mix them on the tascam. ok. i've got a plan...
hearing the original ‘convoy’ for the first time
i thought i had lost it, but i've recently found the cover of this that i did in high school. i had no idea at the time that it was an actual song, i thought homer was just making it up as he went.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rTTC3M6lh4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rTTC3M6lh4
updating inrijected (inri022)
so, i've added four more silly minutes to this silly release of silly rejected outtakes from the late 90s...
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrijected
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrijected
convoy
originally constructed in april, 1998 on some kind of forgotten dare. reconstructed from source on dec 10, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/convoy
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/convoy
i will say i was right to roll the
highs on the remaster, as they're higher on the tape, but it's more than
just that. there's clipping in the original files from digitizing it in
the red. the extra treble is closer, but it brings in that sort of
tinny compressed sound on the guitars that you get from running too much
digital compression. &etc.
agh.
fuck it. i did this already. i need to do the listening test, but with the intent on minimal replacements.
i also think it would help if i compiled a list of missing digital additions *before* i start mixing anything, so i know what i can do and what i can't.
again: this is why i wanted the reinterpretation, because i knew i wanted to remix it from the source but knew i couldn't recreate the original mixes. so, there's every reason to go to town, but then the old mixes need to be maintained....
i made the right choice in the first place. no use in second guessing.
but this record-keeping is useful, anyways. so i should do it.
perfectionists don't like situations without perfect answers :\
it torments us. we keep coming back to them.
i really wish i hadn't compressed the source when i was 17, but i did, and i can't undo and have to live with it.
first off, i actually need to compile my little ry30 ep and see what i can do with it. that will actually help...
i'm going to have to try the phase reversal, though. even if there's relics...well, it might be instructive, actually. but a lot of these effects are relatively short. if i can get them mostly out, it might be better than what i have...
fuck it. i did this already. i need to do the listening test, but with the intent on minimal replacements.
i also think it would help if i compiled a list of missing digital additions *before* i start mixing anything, so i know what i can do and what i can't.
again: this is why i wanted the reinterpretation, because i knew i wanted to remix it from the source but knew i couldn't recreate the original mixes. so, there's every reason to go to town, but then the old mixes need to be maintained....
i made the right choice in the first place. no use in second guessing.
but this record-keeping is useful, anyways. so i should do it.
perfectionists don't like situations without perfect answers :\
it torments us. we keep coming back to them.
i really wish i hadn't compressed the source when i was 17, but i did, and i can't undo and have to live with it.
first off, i actually need to compile my little ry30 ep and see what i can do with it. that will actually help...
i'm going to have to try the phase reversal, though. even if there's relics...well, it might be instructive, actually. but a lot of these effects are relatively short. if i can get them mostly out, it might be better than what i have...
when
i compare the three sources (cd rip from mp3s, "remaster", original
tape) it's no comparison - the tape demolishes the other two. plus, now
that it's digitized i can play with the source...
further, i'm realizing i dumped far more to tape than i thought i did.
i feel i don't really have a choice but to go through it all very carefully and update what i can update.
but i'm not going to be able to tempt myself from fucking with it, and i want to not do that.....yet.....
further, i'm realizing i dumped far more to tape than i thought i did.
i feel i don't really have a choice but to go through it all very carefully and update what i can update.
but i'm not going to be able to tempt myself from fucking with it, and i want to not do that.....yet.....
no, i can't phase cancel the vocals out because i compressed the files before i burned them.
i guess the thing is that i'm 40 some releases in now and these two releases (inri005, inri007) are the only things that aren't available anywhere in their original forms - or with extremely minor edits. i know i'm going to redo them. so, why not just put them up as they were? and the reason is that they didn't sound very good as they were. but i need to reconvince myself of this.
if i'm doing anything further to them, though, this is the time.
there were a few files i had to accept compromises on. maybe if i could overlay a guitar part or two...
i'll see.
i guess the thing is that i'm 40 some releases in now and these two releases (inri005, inri007) are the only things that aren't available anywhere in their original forms - or with extremely minor edits. i know i'm going to redo them. so, why not just put them up as they were? and the reason is that they didn't sound very good as they were. but i need to reconvince myself of this.
if i'm doing anything further to them, though, this is the time.
there were a few files i had to accept compromises on. maybe if i could overlay a guitar part or two...
i'll see.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
no....there's too many things i can't do. it's not an option.
but do i like the treblier mix, or do i want to just re-upload the original files? i suspect i'll convince myself of the remixes. i mean, there were reasons for it...
i'd kind of like to just upload the original cd-r as one half of a double and a fully instrumental version as the other half. i could maybe do that by phase cancelling the vocals.
reality: this is never going to stop bugging me. but maybe it's a good time to listen to everything one more time...
i'm going to set it up in a playlist, with original-remaster all the way through and see how i respond afterwards.
but do i like the treblier mix, or do i want to just re-upload the original files? i suspect i'll convince myself of the remixes. i mean, there were reasons for it...
i'd kind of like to just upload the original cd-r as one half of a double and a fully instrumental version as the other half. i could maybe do that by phase cancelling the vocals.
reality: this is never going to stop bugging me. but maybe it's a good time to listen to everything one more time...
i'm going to set it up in a playlist, with original-remaster all the way through and see how i respond afterwards.
ok, that gets me through the first 6 tapes (that's 24 channels) from
1998, which were labelled. now i have another dozen that aren't. i think
most of them are half empty, but there's a period in early 1999 that
i'm hoping is in there somewhere. i think i should be done digitizing by
the time the sun comes up.
listening through a few snippets, i seem to have bounced the drums together with sequencers and effects, meaning i have little space to play with what comes off the tapes. to me, the value in isolating the songs at this stage is to draw attention to the drum machine, which tended to sometimes get lost in the mix. but there's only a couple of tracks where this is really meaningful.
the more i think about it, the more i have to place it in proper sequence between inri004 and inri005 and there isn't anything that i want to really take out. so, how? well, on the one hand, i realize it would be useful for a consumer to get these appended to the end of inri004, which is otherwise only 11 minutes. it's about the same time frame, too. but i separated inri004 out for it's conceptual value, and this is necessarily a different concept as well. so, i might, instead, create a consolidated cd release with two separate downloads - inri004a and inri004b. inri004, then, is the fall of 2007, which is what it is right now - i'd just be looking at it two different ways. that's my leading mental concept right now, anyways. but i'm not likely to do this at all unless i'm convinced that the results are going to be substantially different than the reconstructed versions i'll do next year. if i think i'm just going to take the bases of these files and add stuff on top, i'll wait and maybe do a few singles when i get there, just adding the material on as bsides. i'll also want to take that approach if i only pull out two or three songs.
it's almost done; i'll make these decisions over night.
listening through a few snippets, i seem to have bounced the drums together with sequencers and effects, meaning i have little space to play with what comes off the tapes. to me, the value in isolating the songs at this stage is to draw attention to the drum machine, which tended to sometimes get lost in the mix. but there's only a couple of tracks where this is really meaningful.
the more i think about it, the more i have to place it in proper sequence between inri004 and inri005 and there isn't anything that i want to really take out. so, how? well, on the one hand, i realize it would be useful for a consumer to get these appended to the end of inri004, which is otherwise only 11 minutes. it's about the same time frame, too. but i separated inri004 out for it's conceptual value, and this is necessarily a different concept as well. so, i might, instead, create a consolidated cd release with two separate downloads - inri004a and inri004b. inri004, then, is the fall of 2007, which is what it is right now - i'd just be looking at it two different ways. that's my leading mental concept right now, anyways. but i'm not likely to do this at all unless i'm convinced that the results are going to be substantially different than the reconstructed versions i'll do next year. if i think i'm just going to take the bases of these files and add stuff on top, i'll wait and maybe do a few singles when i get there, just adding the material on as bsides. i'll also want to take that approach if i only pull out two or three songs.
it's almost done; i'll make these decisions over night.
i'm used to driving myself pretty hard to stay awake for long periods to accomplish things. coffee & nicotine are tools for this, and i'm admittedly not smoking right now. regardless, when i pass out early two nights in a row after mere 15 hour days, the truth is i'm subconsciously trying to avoid something...
i can't let that happen a third time. this call will be made tomorrow morning.
for today, i guess i can go back to digitizing files and do some laundry.
subconscious drivers and no nicotine aside, digitizing requires a lot of sitting around and waiting. and, when you sleep seldomly, your body learns to take advantage of down times, as well. if i can get the digitizing done quickly, chances of nodding off while i'm waiting for the channel to finish are minimized...
i can't let that happen a third time. this call will be made tomorrow morning.
for today, i guess i can go back to digitizing files and do some laundry.
subconscious drivers and no nicotine aside, digitizing requires a lot of sitting around and waiting. and, when you sleep seldomly, your body learns to take advantage of down times, as well. if i can get the digitizing done quickly, chances of nodding off while i'm waiting for the channel to finish are minimized...
rap news 30
as for the vid, it's a long debate that goes around in circles. i don't think anybody that can think clearly about it really denies our own role (although maybe a vid like this helps in holding that mirror up), but trying to address it becomes recursive very quickly, breaking down into the obvious statement that we have to change ourselves but without a clear approach on how to actually do it.
there's this whole gramscian view that we uphold the system because we're taught to. from this perspective, it's impossible to do this "the revolution starts inside" bit until we're able to abolish the institutions that put the bit of the oppressor inside of us. but, we'd need to transcend the condition in the first place. and around in circles we go, tracing out an infinite series....
the only way to break this is to acknowledge a vanguard or what could be called an anti-vanguard. i think vanguard politics are discredited, myself. the anti-vanguard takes us into post-leftist thinking. temporary autonomous zones. but this assumes real revolution is impossible. that sounds defeatist, but is it merely realism?
the expanded pyramid you put up is worth dwelling upon. i think that, existing in the middle of the pyramid, we lack the ability to really change anything - largely because we can't adjust to a system that we neither have the right to tear down nor the right to reconstruct. the best we can really do is stand in solidarity with the people at the bottom of the pyramid, in helping them reassert their autonomy, the meaning of which changes from situation to situation. it's only once we can start talking about labour rights in china or land-use rights in brazil that we can understand how we can adjust to a fairer globe.
in the mean time, it probably means that post-leftism is realism rather than defeatism. that's a level of humility that inhabitants of the heart of the empire are going to find difficult to adjust to. perhaps that humility is in truth the real necessary first step.
i mean, i think the expanded pyramid sort of obscures the controlling aspect. you see a pyramid like that and you think that each level is dominant over the next, but is it really so? there's little doubt that "debt slaves" in the advanced industrial world are heavily reliant on production outside of it, but it's worth pointing out that that's a situation that keeps them in place rather than one that empowers them. we're increasingly seeing a situation of structural high unemployment in the developed world that's a reaction to unionization and is directly caused by outsourcing the labour that would alleviate the unemployment; while the unemployed may end up consuming foreign products with what amounts to debt, that doesn't put them in a less dependent position, or in any kind of a position of control. the pyramid presentation is consequently somewhat inaccurate. but, it's inaccurate at the higher levels, as well - this absolutely ordered hierarchy is a gloss any way you look at it. we used to think of this the other way around - we used to think of colonial areas as places to dump goods, in order to enrich the colonizing powers. switching the relationship doesn't construct a power relationship so much as it exposes the underlying economic mechanism. that is, it's more accurate to think in terms of two ends of a market. in order to make money, you need to be able to produce goods cheaply and have a place to sell them. if you take either end point out, the whole thing collapses. it's not entirely fair to suggest that the consuming side of this is as well off as the producing side of it. but it is perhaps instructive to point out that the entire purpose of the new world order (if it's defined as advancing neo-liberalism in the post-soviet era) is to slowly place them on an equal footing. i'm going to agree that if you ask the factory worker in china what the nwo is, they'll tell you it's the consumer base in america. but, if you ask the mass of unemployed workers in spain, they'll tell you it's the absence of economic opportunity created by the globalization of labour. and, maybe they're both right. that takes away a lot of our own agency. and, again, i think that's even more frightening. but i think it's very true.
there's this whole gramscian view that we uphold the system because we're taught to. from this perspective, it's impossible to do this "the revolution starts inside" bit until we're able to abolish the institutions that put the bit of the oppressor inside of us. but, we'd need to transcend the condition in the first place. and around in circles we go, tracing out an infinite series....
the only way to break this is to acknowledge a vanguard or what could be called an anti-vanguard. i think vanguard politics are discredited, myself. the anti-vanguard takes us into post-leftist thinking. temporary autonomous zones. but this assumes real revolution is impossible. that sounds defeatist, but is it merely realism?
the expanded pyramid you put up is worth dwelling upon. i think that, existing in the middle of the pyramid, we lack the ability to really change anything - largely because we can't adjust to a system that we neither have the right to tear down nor the right to reconstruct. the best we can really do is stand in solidarity with the people at the bottom of the pyramid, in helping them reassert their autonomy, the meaning of which changes from situation to situation. it's only once we can start talking about labour rights in china or land-use rights in brazil that we can understand how we can adjust to a fairer globe.
in the mean time, it probably means that post-leftism is realism rather than defeatism. that's a level of humility that inhabitants of the heart of the empire are going to find difficult to adjust to. perhaps that humility is in truth the real necessary first step.
i mean, i think the expanded pyramid sort of obscures the controlling aspect. you see a pyramid like that and you think that each level is dominant over the next, but is it really so? there's little doubt that "debt slaves" in the advanced industrial world are heavily reliant on production outside of it, but it's worth pointing out that that's a situation that keeps them in place rather than one that empowers them. we're increasingly seeing a situation of structural high unemployment in the developed world that's a reaction to unionization and is directly caused by outsourcing the labour that would alleviate the unemployment; while the unemployed may end up consuming foreign products with what amounts to debt, that doesn't put them in a less dependent position, or in any kind of a position of control. the pyramid presentation is consequently somewhat inaccurate. but, it's inaccurate at the higher levels, as well - this absolutely ordered hierarchy is a gloss any way you look at it. we used to think of this the other way around - we used to think of colonial areas as places to dump goods, in order to enrich the colonizing powers. switching the relationship doesn't construct a power relationship so much as it exposes the underlying economic mechanism. that is, it's more accurate to think in terms of two ends of a market. in order to make money, you need to be able to produce goods cheaply and have a place to sell them. if you take either end point out, the whole thing collapses. it's not entirely fair to suggest that the consuming side of this is as well off as the producing side of it. but it is perhaps instructive to point out that the entire purpose of the new world order (if it's defined as advancing neo-liberalism in the post-soviet era) is to slowly place them on an equal footing. i'm going to agree that if you ask the factory worker in china what the nwo is, they'll tell you it's the consumer base in america. but, if you ask the mass of unemployed workers in spain, they'll tell you it's the absence of economic opportunity created by the globalization of labour. and, maybe they're both right. that takes away a lot of our own agency. and, again, i think that's even more frightening. but i think it's very true.
Monday, December 8, 2014
cat’s apocalypse (reclaimed instrumental and final mix)
this was a song about doing mean things to cats, with the intent of being aggravating, but who wants to listen to that? so, i've taken the vocals out, here.
the drum collage was created digitally out of samples and then dumped to a four-track where the guitar and bass were added. when i compiled my first record, i decided the guitars weren't worth the tape hiss and loss of definition that came with converting to analog and back to digital.
originally created in 1997. reconstructed from source on dec 8, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/cats-apocalypse
the drum collage was created digitally out of samples and then dumped to a four-track where the guitar and bass were added. when i compiled my first record, i decided the guitars weren't worth the tape hiss and loss of definition that came with converting to analog and back to digital.
originally created in 1997. reconstructed from source on dec 8, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/cats-apocalypse
i'm also going to put together parts of a sort of a chiptune compilation from 1997 that i kind of let get away from me...
i don't have a number for it, and i've shipped, so i need to be careful about relabeling. i might delete inri010. the first inricycled is necessary, but the second is increasingly feeling superfluous. i haven't made a decision yet, though. i'll want to get something sequenced first. it might make sense to just add it on to inri004.
i spent the second half of 1997 with my head in an ry30, which i had sequenced to a computer running as a sequencer. i'd play the two things as backup to my guitar parts. this formed the basis of the tracks i recorded over 1998.
i was going to move these ideas into the chiptune disc, but the reality is there's no room for them on it. hence, inrinterpreted - which is a better idea, anyways.
but i still kind of want to capture some of this as it existed at the time - which is the combination of ry30, sequencer and guitar. the culmination of several changes of approach have left this idea stranded, and without an obvious entry point.
i'll have to put some tracks aside and see how much of it is really worth it. but i think something or other is coming up...
i don't have a number for it, and i've shipped, so i need to be careful about relabeling. i might delete inri010. the first inricycled is necessary, but the second is increasingly feeling superfluous. i haven't made a decision yet, though. i'll want to get something sequenced first. it might make sense to just add it on to inri004.
i spent the second half of 1997 with my head in an ry30, which i had sequenced to a computer running as a sequencer. i'd play the two things as backup to my guitar parts. this formed the basis of the tracks i recorded over 1998.
i was going to move these ideas into the chiptune disc, but the reality is there's no room for them on it. hence, inrinterpreted - which is a better idea, anyways.
but i still kind of want to capture some of this as it existed at the time - which is the combination of ry30, sequencer and guitar. the culmination of several changes of approach have left this idea stranded, and without an obvious entry point.
i'll have to put some tracks aside and see how much of it is really worth it. but i think something or other is coming up...
as i'm digitizing this, i'm realizing there's a few things i thought were lost that i can drop directly into inrijected. these are cassettes from the 90s that house raw 4-track recordings of songs before they were digitally manipulated. i'm taking them in through the 4-track, channel by channel. i didn't do this before because, with few exceptions, they would have been unusable to recreate any of the inri releases with. i simply don't have the raw digital noises that i used to build the tracks up, so i couldn't recreate them as they were. further, it's not that i wanted to destroy the existing mixes as they were, i just wanted to balance them out a little...
the compromise i came to was to pencil in an "inrinterpreted" release for late 2015 or early 2016 (if i live that long). that way the initial releases could stand as they do, and i could do fresh mixes for the stuff i feel deserves it. there's just a handful of tracks that i'd like to take the vocals out of and maybe sauce up a little - some of them rather radically. as such, i'm going to consider these new constructions, and i want to wait until i get done the chronology that already exists.
but this is a good time to digitize this because i have a bunch of other inri related stuff i'd like to burn off the drive.
that being said, i would have taken a few of these off last year if i realized they were there. i thought i had everything i had digitized; i figured that what i couldn't find was lost. that's not the case. so, these two or three songs will be up in the next few days as well.
the compromise i came to was to pencil in an "inrinterpreted" release for late 2015 or early 2016 (if i live that long). that way the initial releases could stand as they do, and i could do fresh mixes for the stuff i feel deserves it. there's just a handful of tracks that i'd like to take the vocals out of and maybe sauce up a little - some of them rather radically. as such, i'm going to consider these new constructions, and i want to wait until i get done the chronology that already exists.
but this is a good time to digitize this because i have a bunch of other inri related stuff i'd like to burn off the drive.
that being said, i would have taken a few of these off last year if i realized they were there. i thought i had everything i had digitized; i figured that what i couldn't find was lost. that's not the case. so, these two or three songs will be up in the next few days as well.
prematurely publishing atom's / taught to twist the affected so low
on second thought, i need to squeeze an ep in to august, 2002. i believe the first track is done, but i need to spend some time with the second.
before i left for a backpacking cross-canada trip in mid 2003, i burned a handful of cds and formatted my pc. i didn't want anybody snooping around when i was gone. unfortunately, the burns picked up a weird setting that dated everything to the date of the burn. this issue affects almost everything that was left unfinished between 2001 and 2003, which is a lot of stuff. i was able to date the rabit stuff better because the discs had been burnt previously to this...
the summer of 2002 is pretty messy for me. i was very isolated, going through hormone therapy and on the brink of psychological collapse. so, my memory over those months is quite blurry.
but i've convinced myself that this ep belongs before the untitled piece in the chronology. the truth is it's not in exact order. i specifically remember that the second track was a kind of an excursion in the middle of recording the untitled piece, which i spent most of august and september doing. i put it aside for later completion, which never happened. and a process of deduction suggests to me that the first track must have been in august.
these tracks are both messy, conceptually. i've resisted publishing them up until this point. i'll have to write explanations over the next few days.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/atoms-taught-to-twist-the-affected-so-low
before i left for a backpacking cross-canada trip in mid 2003, i burned a handful of cds and formatted my pc. i didn't want anybody snooping around when i was gone. unfortunately, the burns picked up a weird setting that dated everything to the date of the burn. this issue affects almost everything that was left unfinished between 2001 and 2003, which is a lot of stuff. i was able to date the rabit stuff better because the discs had been burnt previously to this...
the summer of 2002 is pretty messy for me. i was very isolated, going through hormone therapy and on the brink of psychological collapse. so, my memory over those months is quite blurry.
but i've convinced myself that this ep belongs before the untitled piece in the chronology. the truth is it's not in exact order. i specifically remember that the second track was a kind of an excursion in the middle of recording the untitled piece, which i spent most of august and september doing. i put it aside for later completion, which never happened. and a process of deduction suggests to me that the first track must have been in august.
these tracks are both messy, conceptually. i've resisted publishing them up until this point. i'll have to write explanations over the next few days.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/atoms-taught-to-twist-the-affected-so-low
now, as for what i'm doing next....
this is an incomplete mix of the track. it's the last (or second last) track in the midi-oriented style that dominated my output over 2001. it's also very explicitly techno-oriented. so, i'm going to complete it in the same way that i completed the previous midi oriented tracks. the difference is that this track already has a lot of guitars recorded. it's actually quite angular from that perspective.
what i'm going to have to do is:
(1) properly notate it. most of it is written into the score. what's left to write into it is fairly minimal.
(2) a chiptune version will find it's way to thru. it's either the last or the second last component of the chiptune disc, depending on how this ostrich thing works itself out.
(3) i'll need to do a full vst version.
(4) i'll then need to combine that vst version with a proper mix of the existing version.
(5) there's also four existing mixes that need to be cleaned up, including a raw guitar version.
so i'm looking at quite a few versions of this. it's probably not going to take forever, though.
the first step needs to be actually listening to what i have and that's going to need to wait until probably thursday at the earliest.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/untitled
this is an incomplete mix of the track. it's the last (or second last) track in the midi-oriented style that dominated my output over 2001. it's also very explicitly techno-oriented. so, i'm going to complete it in the same way that i completed the previous midi oriented tracks. the difference is that this track already has a lot of guitars recorded. it's actually quite angular from that perspective.
what i'm going to have to do is:
(1) properly notate it. most of it is written into the score. what's left to write into it is fairly minimal.
(2) a chiptune version will find it's way to thru. it's either the last or the second last component of the chiptune disc, depending on how this ostrich thing works itself out.
(3) i'll need to do a full vst version.
(4) i'll then need to combine that vst version with a proper mix of the existing version.
(5) there's also four existing mixes that need to be cleaned up, including a raw guitar version.
so i'm looking at quite a few versions of this. it's probably not going to take forever, though.
the first step needs to be actually listening to what i have and that's going to need to wait until probably thursday at the earliest.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/untitled
i think the best way to understand my situation is to look at the results of the two tests i took when i applied for a cra job around 07 or 08 or something. it's a concise argument...
the first test they had me do was the general competency level test. there were actually two tests, but let's consider the second. this is basically an iq test. i had a score of 80/90. nobody scores that high. the stats i saw put that in the 95th percentile, but that was the highest percentile published, so it means it's at least the 95th percentile. that means i scored higher on this test than at least 95% of the people that take it. the minimum pass mark is 51/90. now, this is something that's consistent for me - i've repeatedly scored at elite levels on every iq-type test i've ever taken.
the second test they had me do was the situational judgement test, which tests workplace behaviour. i've actually failed this test three times. this is also consistent with my history of anti-social behaviour.
now, the government's perspective was that they couldn't hire me because i don't understand workplace behaviour. maybe that's actually a correct analysis. further, maybe these things are related. maybe i can't pass the behavioural test because my intelligence is too high. maybe the smart-person approach is inherently contradictory to a hierarchical organizing principle. maybe i'm just an anarchist. or maybe there's an underlying condition.
but, for employment purposes, it's the results of the second test that are more important. the challenge i have, now, is getting a health professional to put two and two together.
the first test they had me do was the general competency level test. there were actually two tests, but let's consider the second. this is basically an iq test. i had a score of 80/90. nobody scores that high. the stats i saw put that in the 95th percentile, but that was the highest percentile published, so it means it's at least the 95th percentile. that means i scored higher on this test than at least 95% of the people that take it. the minimum pass mark is 51/90. now, this is something that's consistent for me - i've repeatedly scored at elite levels on every iq-type test i've ever taken.
the second test they had me do was the situational judgement test, which tests workplace behaviour. i've actually failed this test three times. this is also consistent with my history of anti-social behaviour.
now, the government's perspective was that they couldn't hire me because i don't understand workplace behaviour. maybe that's actually a correct analysis. further, maybe these things are related. maybe i can't pass the behavioural test because my intelligence is too high. maybe the smart-person approach is inherently contradictory to a hierarchical organizing principle. maybe i'm just an anarchist. or maybe there's an underlying condition.
but, for employment purposes, it's the results of the second test that are more important. the challenge i have, now, is getting a health professional to put two and two together.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
commenting on an effects pedal video
deathtokoalas
that's a cool sound and all (i created something similar in guitar rig about 2007 and use it in the "first movement" track at my channel), but the problem with something like this is that as soon as you package it it instantly becomes a cliche. with all the versatile tools out there nowadays, it's hard to see why anybody would want to go for this...
keep the boxes for distortion, kids. you can make your own effects, nowadays.
ShadicoTheHedgehog
maybe somebody just wants to buy an effect and use it and not go through the trouble of creating one
deathtokoalas
maybe. but, then i'm going to slam their record when i hear it for using stale cliches. i think guitarists operating in this space have a real civic responsibility at this point to try and do something different, because the form has gotten repetitive and it's going to be lost, otherwise. you could claim it's been commodified by the effects industry, even, who have standardized these sounds that were previously just experiments. getting around that means taking full advantage of what you have in front of you.
the way this process ought to work is that you have the sound in your head and you're using the tools to create it, not that the tools give you a sound. this wasn't previously possible for musicians without an electronics background. but, it is now with the electronics that are available.
you can only listen to a combination of chorus/reverb effects for so many decades before it's time to move on.
MrSpreadem
i agree with you. For the $200 price point you might as well buy a multi effect for a bit more and get some weird sounds like this and way more. By the same token, I personally find it hard to get enough time to play so id prefer something simple that has "classic" tones.
But ya everyone who is serious about making a living in music, you really do need to innovate and you can't do that with sounds from the 60s/70s
that's a cool sound and all (i created something similar in guitar rig about 2007 and use it in the "first movement" track at my channel), but the problem with something like this is that as soon as you package it it instantly becomes a cliche. with all the versatile tools out there nowadays, it's hard to see why anybody would want to go for this...
keep the boxes for distortion, kids. you can make your own effects, nowadays.
ShadicoTheHedgehog
maybe somebody just wants to buy an effect and use it and not go through the trouble of creating one
deathtokoalas
maybe. but, then i'm going to slam their record when i hear it for using stale cliches. i think guitarists operating in this space have a real civic responsibility at this point to try and do something different, because the form has gotten repetitive and it's going to be lost, otherwise. you could claim it's been commodified by the effects industry, even, who have standardized these sounds that were previously just experiments. getting around that means taking full advantage of what you have in front of you.
the way this process ought to work is that you have the sound in your head and you're using the tools to create it, not that the tools give you a sound. this wasn't previously possible for musicians without an electronics background. but, it is now with the electronics that are available.
you can only listen to a combination of chorus/reverb effects for so many decades before it's time to move on.
MrSpreadem
i agree with you. For the $200 price point you might as well buy a multi effect for a bit more and get some weird sounds like this and way more. By the same token, I personally find it hard to get enough time to play so id prefer something simple that has "classic" tones.
But ya everyone who is serious about making a living in music, you really do need to innovate and you can't do that with sounds from the 60s/70s
i have some loose ends things to do today, but i'm probably going to lose at least a few days this week. my next project is digitizing a number of cassette tapes, in order to clear some things off my drive. i'm just recording, but it's time consuming. so, i'm thinking it will be at least a week before i start on the next track.
publishing trepanation nation (inri058)
there
are a few ideas in my discography that i've explored from multiple
angles, but nothing else at all like this track, which has been through
multiple complete rethinks involving multiple people over the course of
thirteen years. as the revisions are so diverse, i think that a
comprehensive collection of interpretations is a proper entry within my
discography.
in the end, this emerges as my fourth symphony.
the collection is to be arranged chronologically in two discs, with the first disc consisting of mixes that were meant for inclusion in band projects* and the second consisting of mixes that were created after the track was moved into my own various one-person projects. i've placed the second disc at the front of the sequence to stress the july, 2002 release date.
further discussions of the various incarnations of the tracks appear on the track pages, or are linked out from the track pages. please click through.
written over 2001 and rethought repeatedly over 2002, again in 2007, a third time in 2009 and one last time in late 2014. final mixes were completed over the last week of november and the first week of december, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
*the classical guitar version and quiet isolation mix are available for download only due to space limitations on the physical media
credits:
j - guitars (electric, acoustic, classical), bass, synthesizers, drum programming, orchestral sequencing (10), drum manipulation, vocal manipulation, voice (8), live & digital effects processing, digital wave editing, loops, equalizers, soundscaping, sampling, composition, production, cover art
sean - vocals/lyrics (2,4,6), ring modulator (6,7,8)
greg - drum performance sample source (5,6,7,8)
the rendered electronic orchestra on track 10 includes tuba, saxophone, flute, clarinet, orchestra hit, piano, violin, viola, cello, contrabass and various full string sections.
numbers refer to the physical tracklisting, rather than the bandcamp ordering.
released july 4, 2002
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/trepanation-nation
1) it was around 2006 that i first decided to clear my discography of what had become irrelevant sample work - not irrelevant in the sense of the messaging being obsolete, but irrelevant in terms of listening value. i feel that listeners should be given the opportunity to choose. i've tried to keep instrumental mixes of conceptual tracks since that point.
however, i wasn't able to find the instrumental rabit is wolf copy that i knew existed so i tried to build the mix from scratch. i wasn't able to recreate large sections, or get the volume correct, so i put it aside until the the last few days of july, 2007 when i tried again. at this time, i was able to find an early instrumental remix from roughly april, 2002. this mix was only about half done. i added some of the remaining parts, but was still working in cool edit at the time and consequently had some difficulty syncing them well. i also added some extra production effects. however, i still wasn't really happy with the result and just put it aside.
i went back to school in the fall of 2008 with the aim of putting the music aside permanently. this didn't happen, and the truth is i never really thought it would. however, i wanted to compile a disc of symphonic shorts (jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/symphonic-shorts) as a last release. some further modifications were made at this time, but it still didn't really feel right.
it wasn't until april 24, 2009 that i got a mix together that i felt ok about. while it doesn't include every piece of the track, it includes everything i could integrate well. that version has been in the symphony's final resting place (jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/ftaa) ever since.
unfortunately, some of the sequencing on the 2009 mix is suspect, and i ran it through a transform at some point that made the mix sound tinny at points, while introducing some digital noise. this mix has now been discarded.
in line with my decision to comprehensively complete my discography, i've completely deconstructed and reconstructed the track in cubase by carefully lining up the files using clues provided by the waveform. i've also deconstructed parts of it using the technique of digital phase reversal. this has allowed me to remaster it properly and also to ensure that it's completely in sync. this process included liberal use of digital effects to make it finally sound how i always wanted it to sound.
this is the final and definitive version of the track. the song was completed in this form on july 1, 2002 but the manipulations in the mix also date to (1) july, 2007, (2) august, 2008, (3) april, 2009 and (4) nov/dec, 2014. final mix completed on dec 7, 2014. no new sound was recorded after july 1, 2002.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/07-trepanation-nation
in the end, this emerges as my fourth symphony.
the collection is to be arranged chronologically in two discs, with the first disc consisting of mixes that were meant for inclusion in band projects* and the second consisting of mixes that were created after the track was moved into my own various one-person projects. i've placed the second disc at the front of the sequence to stress the july, 2002 release date.
further discussions of the various incarnations of the tracks appear on the track pages, or are linked out from the track pages. please click through.
written over 2001 and rethought repeatedly over 2002, again in 2007, a third time in 2009 and one last time in late 2014. final mixes were completed over the last week of november and the first week of december, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
*the classical guitar version and quiet isolation mix are available for download only due to space limitations on the physical media
credits:
j - guitars (electric, acoustic, classical), bass, synthesizers, drum programming, orchestral sequencing (10), drum manipulation, vocal manipulation, voice (8), live & digital effects processing, digital wave editing, loops, equalizers, soundscaping, sampling, composition, production, cover art
sean - vocals/lyrics (2,4,6), ring modulator (6,7,8)
greg - drum performance sample source (5,6,7,8)
the rendered electronic orchestra on track 10 includes tuba, saxophone, flute, clarinet, orchestra hit, piano, violin, viola, cello, contrabass and various full string sections.
numbers refer to the physical tracklisting, rather than the bandcamp ordering.
released july 4, 2002
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/trepanation-nation
1) it was around 2006 that i first decided to clear my discography of what had become irrelevant sample work - not irrelevant in the sense of the messaging being obsolete, but irrelevant in terms of listening value. i feel that listeners should be given the opportunity to choose. i've tried to keep instrumental mixes of conceptual tracks since that point.
however, i wasn't able to find the instrumental rabit is wolf copy that i knew existed so i tried to build the mix from scratch. i wasn't able to recreate large sections, or get the volume correct, so i put it aside until the the last few days of july, 2007 when i tried again. at this time, i was able to find an early instrumental remix from roughly april, 2002. this mix was only about half done. i added some of the remaining parts, but was still working in cool edit at the time and consequently had some difficulty syncing them well. i also added some extra production effects. however, i still wasn't really happy with the result and just put it aside.
i went back to school in the fall of 2008 with the aim of putting the music aside permanently. this didn't happen, and the truth is i never really thought it would. however, i wanted to compile a disc of symphonic shorts (jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/symphonic-shorts) as a last release. some further modifications were made at this time, but it still didn't really feel right.
it wasn't until april 24, 2009 that i got a mix together that i felt ok about. while it doesn't include every piece of the track, it includes everything i could integrate well. that version has been in the symphony's final resting place (jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/ftaa) ever since.
unfortunately, some of the sequencing on the 2009 mix is suspect, and i ran it through a transform at some point that made the mix sound tinny at points, while introducing some digital noise. this mix has now been discarded.
in line with my decision to comprehensively complete my discography, i've completely deconstructed and reconstructed the track in cubase by carefully lining up the files using clues provided by the waveform. i've also deconstructed parts of it using the technique of digital phase reversal. this has allowed me to remaster it properly and also to ensure that it's completely in sync. this process included liberal use of digital effects to make it finally sound how i always wanted it to sound.
this is the final and definitive version of the track. the song was completed in this form on july 1, 2002 but the manipulations in the mix also date to (1) july, 2007, (2) august, 2008, (3) april, 2009 and (4) nov/dec, 2014. final mix completed on dec 7, 2014. no new sound was recorded after july 1, 2002.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/07-trepanation-nation
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