Jessica Amber Murray
hi mackaye... so, i've got a fridge
on my front porch, i knew fridges were heavy, but i thought i could
manage it through a set of technical manouvres - an inclined plane,
combined with some careful geometric manipulating. unfortunately, it's
simply too heavy. i'm guessing moving a fridge isn't something you or
anybody you know wants to do on a friday night. but do you think it's
possible to put me in contact with a couple of dudes that would be down
with helping me get this up a porch, and down a small flight within the
next day or two? it's not a big job, and shouldn't take more than 10
minutes with the right muscle power.
mackaye
Shouldn't be a problem. I'll ask around and get back to you tomorrow. Should be able to move it Sunday at the latest.
Jessica Amber Murray
thank you.
Friday, August 16, 2013
check-in pt 2
Jessica Amber Murray
updates? i'm actually surprisingly worried about you. it's sort of scaring me. has there been any change in your condition? what have they told you?
ESA
I dunno. Vague stuff. I think it was kind of an overdose. They hooked me up to a bunch of stuff like saline and heart monitors, and fed me and then gave me this drug like vallium. Im good -ish now. Much better than before. Still in pain, but not panicky
No hallucinations for a while
Jessica Amber Murray
they may have put you on benzos. it sounds like they're treating it like an od, anyways. did they say how long you're in for?
ESA
I done now. I was kept for 5 hours.
And it was an od sort of i guess.
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm just relieved you weren't going through a meth overdose. that was what was freaking me out...
ESA
I guess i was high on methcaline
Lolol
I think i was going through a meth overdose.
Jessica Amber Murray
did they say mesc, specifically?
ESA
No.
Jessica Amber Murray
(mescaline is a psychedelic; methamphetamine is what i was worried about)
mdma has properties of meth and of mesc, though. ha.
ESA
I was combining the to just for fun. Methcaline. And no i definitely dont think it was mesc. Definitely acid or dmt or both or something
updates? i'm actually surprisingly worried about you. it's sort of scaring me. has there been any change in your condition? what have they told you?
ESA
I dunno. Vague stuff. I think it was kind of an overdose. They hooked me up to a bunch of stuff like saline and heart monitors, and fed me and then gave me this drug like vallium. Im good -ish now. Much better than before. Still in pain, but not panicky
No hallucinations for a while
Jessica Amber Murray
they may have put you on benzos. it sounds like they're treating it like an od, anyways. did they say how long you're in for?
ESA
I done now. I was kept for 5 hours.
And it was an od sort of i guess.
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm just relieved you weren't going through a meth overdose. that was what was freaking me out...
ESA
I guess i was high on methcaline
Lolol
I think i was going through a meth overdose.
Jessica Amber Murray
did they say mesc, specifically?
ESA
No.
Jessica Amber Murray
(mescaline is a psychedelic; methamphetamine is what i was worried about)
mdma has properties of meth and of mesc, though. ha.
ESA
I was combining the to just for fun. Methcaline. And no i definitely dont think it was mesc. Definitely acid or dmt or both or something
she refused to listen, and faxed them the fake receipts - then got declined. it’s her own fault.
mom
J...I just talked to Don. He said he can make a legitimate receipt and fax it to your worker, and then we would mail them to you and some money too...His company is still a legit company.
Would just need the name of your worker and the fax number.
He has a fax machine.
I have your mailing address, so would mail all on Monday....Faxing could be done over the weekend, and they would get that on Monday morning....Don't worry, his company is legitimate.
He has done this many times before.
He moved someone to North Bay and did this, and also many local moves here in Ottawa....
Jessica Amber Murray
mom, i need to be clear: the worker is expecting a u-haul receipt. i've told her several times that my mom's friend rented a u-haul. i can't change that half way through the conversation. i don't think there would be anything technically fraudulent about claiming that i rented services from don, and then pointing out that don rented the u-haul. but something official from u-haul needs to factor into the process. i'm not interested in messing around with this.
mom
OK... No problem. I have all the receipts...But he can make a receipt also that he was the driver. I mean there obviously has to be a driver. He just has a fax machine....Which would obviously be so much easier...Don't you think?
I have all the receipts for gas too.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, it would be, except they're not expecting me to claim money for a driver. i told them i borrowed the money from my mom's friend.
(who drove)
mom
OK...We will just keep it all legit then....But they don't really expect that there is no gas charges involved here....So, we will send them a fax with the real price of the truck, plus the car back, plus the price of the gas. They will not deny that!
Jessica Amber Murray
oh, wait. yeah: gas, too. they won't accept the claim for the car....
mom
That's why it would be better to let him make a receipt...His company is a legitimate one...So what, If he is a friend of your mother's?? It shouldn't really matter at all.
He rented a u-haul truck in the name of his company.....He is allowed.
Jessica Amber Murray
they're going to ask for the u-haul receipt and the gas receipts. they cancelled the odsp moving allowance, so it's not the same as it was. the request is going to the city, and they're extremely stingy. she said there's only about a 20% chance i'll get it at all. she's asking for specific receipts, and she's asking for them because it's the only way i'll be able to claim it. they're not likely to accept what you're suggesting.
mom
OK...Yes, I know they have become extremely stingy!(assholes that they have become!).......OK...How bout if I just fax the original receipts for truck and gas then.
And then mail them to you.
Jessica Amber Murray
that would be ideal. i can get you the fax next time i'm online (it's at home).
mom
K...I will be here for the weekend. And of course, As you know...I practically live on here!...LOL
J...I just talked to Don. He said he can make a legitimate receipt and fax it to your worker, and then we would mail them to you and some money too...His company is still a legit company.
Would just need the name of your worker and the fax number.
He has a fax machine.
I have your mailing address, so would mail all on Monday....Faxing could be done over the weekend, and they would get that on Monday morning....Don't worry, his company is legitimate.
He has done this many times before.
He moved someone to North Bay and did this, and also many local moves here in Ottawa....
Jessica Amber Murray
mom, i need to be clear: the worker is expecting a u-haul receipt. i've told her several times that my mom's friend rented a u-haul. i can't change that half way through the conversation. i don't think there would be anything technically fraudulent about claiming that i rented services from don, and then pointing out that don rented the u-haul. but something official from u-haul needs to factor into the process. i'm not interested in messing around with this.
mom
OK... No problem. I have all the receipts...But he can make a receipt also that he was the driver. I mean there obviously has to be a driver. He just has a fax machine....Which would obviously be so much easier...Don't you think?
I have all the receipts for gas too.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, it would be, except they're not expecting me to claim money for a driver. i told them i borrowed the money from my mom's friend.
(who drove)
mom
OK...We will just keep it all legit then....But they don't really expect that there is no gas charges involved here....So, we will send them a fax with the real price of the truck, plus the car back, plus the price of the gas. They will not deny that!
Jessica Amber Murray
oh, wait. yeah: gas, too. they won't accept the claim for the car....
mom
That's why it would be better to let him make a receipt...His company is a legitimate one...So what, If he is a friend of your mother's?? It shouldn't really matter at all.
He rented a u-haul truck in the name of his company.....He is allowed.
Jessica Amber Murray
they're going to ask for the u-haul receipt and the gas receipts. they cancelled the odsp moving allowance, so it's not the same as it was. the request is going to the city, and they're extremely stingy. she said there's only about a 20% chance i'll get it at all. she's asking for specific receipts, and she's asking for them because it's the only way i'll be able to claim it. they're not likely to accept what you're suggesting.
mom
OK...Yes, I know they have become extremely stingy!(assholes that they have become!).......OK...How bout if I just fax the original receipts for truck and gas then.
And then mail them to you.
Jessica Amber Murray
that would be ideal. i can get you the fax next time i'm online (it's at home).
mom
K...I will be here for the weekend. And of course, As you know...I practically live on here!...LOL
You have replied to "Fridge" Ad on Kijiji
From: "Kijiji Canada" <donotreply@kijiji.ca>
To: <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
hi.
i'm interested in the fridge. are you able to deliver it? if not, how close to downtown are you? i'm going to call, but i just moved to town and don't have a phone yet so this is a better method of communication...
To: <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
hi.
i'm interested in the fridge. are you able to deliver it? if not, how close to downtown are you? i'm going to call, but i just moved to town and don't have a phone yet so this is a better method of communication...
check-in
Jessica Amber Murray
how you doing?
ESA
Everything hurts
My jaw and cheeks hurt the most. Then my.chest
Jessica Amber Murray
are you waiting for care? you may be a heart attack risk. are they aware of that?
ESA
I dont know. Ill wait for them to come back, then ipl ask them
how you doing?
ESA
Everything hurts
My jaw and cheeks hurt the most. Then my.chest
Jessica Amber Murray
are you waiting for care? you may be a heart attack risk. are they aware of that?
ESA
I dont know. Ill wait for them to come back, then ipl ask them
finding receipts
Jessica Amber Murray
could you get me a receipt for the moving van? i need it to claim for odsp. the office can't print off anything with a dollar amount, which is what i need.
mom
Yes... I can do that. I will actually get Don to make one for more. He did that for me when I moved.
Are you actually coming here at the end of the month? I could give you this receipt then...Or how will I send it...
I guess I can mail it to your address.
I will get him to make it this weekend.
Jessica Amber Murray
make it? i kind of need it to be real. how would he make a receipt? i don't seriously plan on coming back at the end of the month. do you have scan abilities? you could email it to me, and i could print it off.
mom
He used to move people...He has an old receipt book, and the stamper. It worked for me. I don't have scan abilities...But, I think Nanny does...Not sure though? I can just mail it to you.
Jessica Amber Murray
nana can scan it. it will take a while to mail it. i don't really want him to do that. can he get a real receipt? or, if he can't, can you make sure he makes the receipt the actual amount?
mom
I do have the original receipt...If you would prefer?
K...She is gone to the cottage for the weekend...But will get to her place on Monday then.
I will call her now...Don't think she has even left yet.
Jessica Amber Murray
yes, the original, please. i'm not even sure they'll refund me at all. it turns out it's a city thing, now. i don't want to get caught, really. just getting the actual amount would be very useful. i won't get it there until monday, anyways, so that's ok, if you can email it.
mom
I am chatting with her now. I will go to her apartment on Monday...
Jessica Amber Murray
thanks...
mom
OK... I will go to her place Monday afternoon, and the two of us duncehats will figure out how to do this!...LOL
Do you have any advice for us?
Jessica Amber Murray
it's pretty easy. just take an sd card or usb stick and put it in the side of the scanner. then click on scan in the front. it will scan it to the media. you can then take the media and put it in your computer. i think it only has an sd card, though. she probably has an sd card with her camera, but if you have one then you should bring it just in case.
mom
Oh Crap! I don't have a usb stick...But will buy one...Wanted one anyways.
Jessica Amber Murray
no, you need an sd card.
mom
I will get one at walmart over the weekend. What is an sd card?
You mean the card in a camera?
You are dealing with two duncehats here...
I think I can figure it out...I will research how to do it.
I can get on her computer and email it to you. My sd card is probably not compatible with her stuff...It is a really old obsolete camera. I think, I will just purchase the usb stick.
She seems to know how to scan...She just doesn't know how to email it to you...Bu, I know how to do that.
Jessica Amber Murray
no, i don't think there's a usb in there. either way, she has a brand new usb stick in her room. i think the only out is an sd card. i'd bring it just in case.
she'll probably use the sd in her camera.
mom
K...Don has one that his son's girlfriend gave him... I am going to retrieve it this weekend.
He doesn't even know what the heck it even is....I know where it is and am going to take it.
I will give it back to him...I am not a thief!...I will just borrow it without his knowledge...Cause he is such a strange bird anyways.
I think I have guilted him out so much that he is going to give me back the balance of the money that he tried to coerce...I will give it to you...That was what I wanted to do anyways. I wanted to give you some cash when I saw you...I am just so sad that it didn't work out that way...And he knows exactly how I feel about it now.
could you get me a receipt for the moving van? i need it to claim for odsp. the office can't print off anything with a dollar amount, which is what i need.
mom
Yes... I can do that. I will actually get Don to make one for more. He did that for me when I moved.
Are you actually coming here at the end of the month? I could give you this receipt then...Or how will I send it...
I guess I can mail it to your address.
I will get him to make it this weekend.
Jessica Amber Murray
make it? i kind of need it to be real. how would he make a receipt? i don't seriously plan on coming back at the end of the month. do you have scan abilities? you could email it to me, and i could print it off.
mom
He used to move people...He has an old receipt book, and the stamper. It worked for me. I don't have scan abilities...But, I think Nanny does...Not sure though? I can just mail it to you.
Jessica Amber Murray
nana can scan it. it will take a while to mail it. i don't really want him to do that. can he get a real receipt? or, if he can't, can you make sure he makes the receipt the actual amount?
mom
I do have the original receipt...If you would prefer?
K...She is gone to the cottage for the weekend...But will get to her place on Monday then.
I will call her now...Don't think she has even left yet.
Jessica Amber Murray
yes, the original, please. i'm not even sure they'll refund me at all. it turns out it's a city thing, now. i don't want to get caught, really. just getting the actual amount would be very useful. i won't get it there until monday, anyways, so that's ok, if you can email it.
mom
I am chatting with her now. I will go to her apartment on Monday...
Jessica Amber Murray
thanks...
mom
OK... I will go to her place Monday afternoon, and the two of us duncehats will figure out how to do this!...LOL
Do you have any advice for us?
Jessica Amber Murray
it's pretty easy. just take an sd card or usb stick and put it in the side of the scanner. then click on scan in the front. it will scan it to the media. you can then take the media and put it in your computer. i think it only has an sd card, though. she probably has an sd card with her camera, but if you have one then you should bring it just in case.
mom
Oh Crap! I don't have a usb stick...But will buy one...Wanted one anyways.
Jessica Amber Murray
no, you need an sd card.
mom
I will get one at walmart over the weekend. What is an sd card?
You mean the card in a camera?
You are dealing with two duncehats here...
I think I can figure it out...I will research how to do it.
I can get on her computer and email it to you. My sd card is probably not compatible with her stuff...It is a really old obsolete camera. I think, I will just purchase the usb stick.
She seems to know how to scan...She just doesn't know how to email it to you...Bu, I know how to do that.
Jessica Amber Murray
no, i don't think there's a usb in there. either way, she has a brand new usb stick in her room. i think the only out is an sd card. i'd bring it just in case.
she'll probably use the sd in her camera.
mom
K...Don has one that his son's girlfriend gave him... I am going to retrieve it this weekend.
He doesn't even know what the heck it even is....I know where it is and am going to take it.
I will give it back to him...I am not a thief!...I will just borrow it without his knowledge...Cause he is such a strange bird anyways.
I think I have guilted him out so much that he is going to give me back the balance of the money that he tried to coerce...I will give it to you...That was what I wanted to do anyways. I wanted to give you some cash when I saw you...I am just so sad that it didn't work out that way...And he knows exactly how I feel about it now.
Re: Reply to your "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji
From: RLI
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
im so sorry. Someone came and picked it up this morning.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
im so sorry. Someone came and picked it up this morning.
Reply to your "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: RLI
hi. just checking up on this?
j
To: RLI
hi. just checking up on this?
j
it turns out that molly is a bit of a prankster
ESA
I got drugged last night. Ive been tripping on some strong psychadelic for the last 8 hours.
For two hours i was twitching and saying "im so confused" .... Apparently it was possibly this guy named craig who did it
I feel so incredibly aweful and terrified
The rest of the time i was just like rolllng on the floor freaking out
Jessica Amber Murray
wait, this was a non-consensual psychedelic trip? that's fucking horrific. of all the horrible jokes you could play on somebody, putting them on psychedelics without them knowing it is just about the lowest thing possible. these are serious drugs with profound effects, damn it! and you've indicated an aversion to this, ugh, that makes me twitchy fucking mad. i hope you had a friend or two around, because that could have had fucking scary, scary outcomes otherwise. i'm thinking like walking into traffic sort of thing... i don't know if you remember bumpers or not, it might be before your time, but it was a psychedelic/punk bar on bank. i spent an acid trip on the floor there once. there's a point where you sort of want to get up, but can't, it's like there's this weight pulling you down and you're just stuck and you just have to wait it out. that was really bad acid, though. ugh, ugh... have you figured something out about leroy yet?
ESA
Yeah m still sort of tripping...
Im freaking out in the very least.
there is absolutely nothing more triggering than that. God i was doing so well there for a while
I also did speed and mdma with etan
lenin thought it might be a bad reaction
But i was.like straight the fuck up hallucinating. For two hours i was completely lost in my head and couldnt get out.
Jessica Amber Murray
essentially all mdma/e you buy on the street is cut with an upper, usually speed, and you never know who is cutting it. that's why i won't do it. you really don't know what the fuck you're actually taking. mdma is broadly safe, but if they put too much speed in, you could overdose on it. i mean, i'd do mdma if i knew it was pure, but it's almost impossible to know. mdma is technically a hallucinogen, if it was the same night you might be able to blame it on that. or you might have bought something you didn't intend on buying...
ESA
The thing is that etan had the exact same as me. And it is technically a hallucinogen but not realllyyy
Acid is a hallucinogrn
It could have been ketamine.... but i wouldnt be tripping out like lsd, would i? I definitely had a k-hole experience though.
jess
!!!!!
AHHHH
why does everyone think i'm sleepi9ng with their boyfriends all the time
Jessica Amber Murray
well, you don't *really* know that etan took the same as you. i've never done k, so i don't know, but i have heard about tripping out on e. were they random hallucinations kind of thing? that's apparently the big difference - acid and shroom trips have a theme, whereas mdma trips are just like random, like it's the adhd of hallucinogens or something.
ESA
no like
I didn't know my name or where I was or anythjing
and I was twitching and completely incoherent for 2 hours
like unconscious almost
and then I was rolling around on the floor. I don't remember specific hallucination. it was more like entering a whole new realm.
so yeah, acid.
Jessica Amber Murray
that doesn't sound like acid to me, unless it was extremely concentrated. as far as hallucinogens go, it sounds more like something like peyote or some kind of rainforest drug. k doesn't sound like a bad hypothesis. ...and maybe it's just 'cause you're kinda friendly? i remember one day at an asylum party where you were all like 'jess, why doesn't he want to make out with me", and i was all like "Well, how long have you known him?" and you were like "a few hours", and we had a laugh. you're not shy about hitting on people...
ESA
hahaha
I forget who that was
anyways no. I was with lenin the whole time
but yeah there was this creepy dude who thought I was hot
and tried to drag me away from lenin
Jessica Amber Murray
people really scare me sometimes. you know, i still think i got drugged at mugshots a few weeks ago. i don't blackout like that from drinking cider and beer...that's a vodka thing... i'm glad you're safe and hope you're feeling better. a good sleep should throw most of it off.
ESA
I am not feeling better
and my friend's girlfriend is harassing me
saying that I deserved it for all the bad things I do to people
and because I sleep with everyone's boyfriends
Jessica Amber Murray
right. even if you did sleep with people's boyfriends, that's the definition of slut shaming and...ugh. i don't even.. fuck ottawa.
ESA
god im like completely shaky I can't type
she;s this activist woman too
she's such a cunt
and I never say that. I save that word for special occasions
Jessica Amber Murray
she sounds like she's a victim of patriarchal thinking. i admit it really bothers me to hear shit like that from women, more so than from men. like, what does she want? for you to wear a fucking A on your shirt? y'know? has she not thought it through...ugh... but, it's enforced thinking and blahblahblah...
ESA
yeah I called her out on it.
Jessica Amber Murray
good.
ESA
and she said that me wanting to smash the fuckers face in who did this wasn’t anti-oppressive or something
Jessica Amber Murray
i can't get much context out of what you’re saying, but i think you have a right to be upset for being told you deserved to be drugged. there's no context in which somebody deserves to be drugged, and the person that did it definitely deserves some kind of confrontation. there are a lot of problems that can't be solved by group hugs and discussion groups. the threat of force is something that is extreme, but sometimes it is necessary. in this case? it sounds malicious, and if it was i agree it deserves a beat down. at the VERY LEAST, she should have been able to realize that you're understandably a little bit fucking livid right now and that you might be making threats that you might think twice about later. empathy? not much there.
ESA
ugh
my insides feel like they're shaking.
its positively vomitrocious
yeah its basically fear + anger
mostly fear. like 'what if someone didn't drug me and im going crazy'
'this is going to fuck me up for a while. great another set back '
Jessica Amber Murray
i think it sounds like a really good reason to get the fuck out of ottawa. are you playing in montreal tonight?
ESA
I dont know... i feel so much worse
Jessica Amber Murray
somebody suggested going to the hospital. erin, if you feel that's a good idea then you shouldn't second doubt it.
ESA
I cant get up
I keep fallig over
Jessica Amber Murray
erin, i want you to think very carefully: should you call an ambulance?
ESA
Well my dad is here. Im not sure.
Not sure if i have to go. They would just test my bloodd
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. i'm glad your dad is there. they might pump your stomach...
ESA
Idont get it. I took one pill of speed, and one pill of mdmq.
M y.cheecks are super swollen too. Like i was biting them
Im so fucking terrrified. This feeling wont go away
Jessica Amber Murray
you may have been clenching your teeth from the speed. swollen cheeks sounds like a possible allergic reaction, though.
ESA
What? They hurt though.
Jessica Amber Murray
have you ever done meth before? (i'm asking this for a reason)
ESA
Yeah by accident
Jessica Amber Murray
did you have a negative reaction to it?
ESA
No
I think i was.biting my cheeks hard
The swollen bits are right by my molars
Jessica Amber Murray
swelling is apparently a common reaction to a meth overdose.
and meth is often spliced with e. if you took meth + e + speed...
ESA
Yeh
Jessica Amber Murray
are you getting unusual heart rates?
ESA
Yeah.
It would maybe be.like 82 on a metronome
God this is disturbing.
Jessica Amber Murray
a musician's response...i'm sorry, i have a very lucid sense of humour. i think you should get to a hospital. meth overdoses can come on slowly. and they can be fatal.
ESA
Really? Dont you have to be taking yhe drug?
Jessica Amber Murray
well, you'd have to take meth to overdose from it, yeah. it kind of sounds like you did.
ESA
Yeah but im not taking it now
Supposed to play in montreal......
my band mate is mad at me. She says i was being irresponsible.
Jessica Amber Murray
The thing about meth is different users have a different threshold for intoxication. Overdosing on Methamphetamine has many underlying factors, cocktails of other drugs, complications due to chronic use, general health, body mass etc. The threshold for lethal intoxication may vary depending on the individual. The reaction in most cases is delayed it doesn't come on as the drug is being smoke but after, an unexpected cardiac episode, heart attack or stroke can strike with little warning. What to look out for Sudden onset high temperature from dehydration and heat build up in the body. Dilated pupils and convulsions. Muscle/Chest pain. Sweating, rapid breathing, increased heart rate and blood pressure. In circumstances when you think an overdose has occurred, give fluids, rap them in a cold blanked dampened if necessary and call an ambulance. Obviously CPR in extreme cases. Overdose can occur with a single use so never be complacent.
i'm not trying to be alarmist, it's just...that's kind of what it sounds like and i want you to be aware that meth overdoses can happen well after consumption.
i think you need to worry about your health right now, not whether you were being irresponsible.
ESA
Yeah
Jessica Amber Murray
The less dangerous effect of methamphetamine psychosis is a confused, disoriented state. Meth users may repeat the same common action over and over again, such as repeatedly washing their hands or arranging and rearranging everyday objects. They may also experience tactile hallucinations where they feel bugs crawling on them, or feel something moving under their skin. But methamphetamine psychosis can also bring about extremely violent, destructive behavior. Users may have frightening visual hallucinations, such as seeing wild animals or armed aggressors coming to attack them. Meth addicts often suffer from paranoia and become convinced they are surrounded by enemies. They often hear voices, which commonly command violent or aggressive behavior, and they can react to their hallucinations with intense aggression. Meth psychosis can commonly last for days after the last dose of methamphetamine was taken. In some cases it lasts for weeks or even years.
ESA
Ambulance is here
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't want to say "good", but...
good luck? let me know when things settle down?
my battery is out, so i need to go home to charge, and i'm going to lose internet access. but i'll be back in about an hour...
I got drugged last night. Ive been tripping on some strong psychadelic for the last 8 hours.
For two hours i was twitching and saying "im so confused" .... Apparently it was possibly this guy named craig who did it
I feel so incredibly aweful and terrified
The rest of the time i was just like rolllng on the floor freaking out
Jessica Amber Murray
wait, this was a non-consensual psychedelic trip? that's fucking horrific. of all the horrible jokes you could play on somebody, putting them on psychedelics without them knowing it is just about the lowest thing possible. these are serious drugs with profound effects, damn it! and you've indicated an aversion to this, ugh, that makes me twitchy fucking mad. i hope you had a friend or two around, because that could have had fucking scary, scary outcomes otherwise. i'm thinking like walking into traffic sort of thing... i don't know if you remember bumpers or not, it might be before your time, but it was a psychedelic/punk bar on bank. i spent an acid trip on the floor there once. there's a point where you sort of want to get up, but can't, it's like there's this weight pulling you down and you're just stuck and you just have to wait it out. that was really bad acid, though. ugh, ugh... have you figured something out about leroy yet?
ESA
Yeah m still sort of tripping...
Im freaking out in the very least.
there is absolutely nothing more triggering than that. God i was doing so well there for a while
I also did speed and mdma with etan
lenin thought it might be a bad reaction
But i was.like straight the fuck up hallucinating. For two hours i was completely lost in my head and couldnt get out.
Jessica Amber Murray
essentially all mdma/e you buy on the street is cut with an upper, usually speed, and you never know who is cutting it. that's why i won't do it. you really don't know what the fuck you're actually taking. mdma is broadly safe, but if they put too much speed in, you could overdose on it. i mean, i'd do mdma if i knew it was pure, but it's almost impossible to know. mdma is technically a hallucinogen, if it was the same night you might be able to blame it on that. or you might have bought something you didn't intend on buying...
ESA
The thing is that etan had the exact same as me. And it is technically a hallucinogen but not realllyyy
Acid is a hallucinogrn
It could have been ketamine.... but i wouldnt be tripping out like lsd, would i? I definitely had a k-hole experience though.
jess
!!!!!
AHHHH
why does everyone think i'm sleepi9ng with their boyfriends all the time
Jessica Amber Murray
well, you don't *really* know that etan took the same as you. i've never done k, so i don't know, but i have heard about tripping out on e. were they random hallucinations kind of thing? that's apparently the big difference - acid and shroom trips have a theme, whereas mdma trips are just like random, like it's the adhd of hallucinogens or something.
ESA
no like
I didn't know my name or where I was or anythjing
and I was twitching and completely incoherent for 2 hours
like unconscious almost
and then I was rolling around on the floor. I don't remember specific hallucination. it was more like entering a whole new realm.
so yeah, acid.
Jessica Amber Murray
that doesn't sound like acid to me, unless it was extremely concentrated. as far as hallucinogens go, it sounds more like something like peyote or some kind of rainforest drug. k doesn't sound like a bad hypothesis. ...and maybe it's just 'cause you're kinda friendly? i remember one day at an asylum party where you were all like 'jess, why doesn't he want to make out with me", and i was all like "Well, how long have you known him?" and you were like "a few hours", and we had a laugh. you're not shy about hitting on people...
ESA
hahaha
I forget who that was
anyways no. I was with lenin the whole time
but yeah there was this creepy dude who thought I was hot
and tried to drag me away from lenin
Jessica Amber Murray
people really scare me sometimes. you know, i still think i got drugged at mugshots a few weeks ago. i don't blackout like that from drinking cider and beer...that's a vodka thing... i'm glad you're safe and hope you're feeling better. a good sleep should throw most of it off.
ESA
I am not feeling better
and my friend's girlfriend is harassing me
saying that I deserved it for all the bad things I do to people
and because I sleep with everyone's boyfriends
Jessica Amber Murray
right. even if you did sleep with people's boyfriends, that's the definition of slut shaming and...ugh. i don't even.. fuck ottawa.
ESA
god im like completely shaky I can't type
she;s this activist woman too
she's such a cunt
and I never say that. I save that word for special occasions
Jessica Amber Murray
she sounds like she's a victim of patriarchal thinking. i admit it really bothers me to hear shit like that from women, more so than from men. like, what does she want? for you to wear a fucking A on your shirt? y'know? has she not thought it through...ugh... but, it's enforced thinking and blahblahblah...
ESA
yeah I called her out on it.
Jessica Amber Murray
good.
ESA
and she said that me wanting to smash the fuckers face in who did this wasn’t anti-oppressive or something
Jessica Amber Murray
i can't get much context out of what you’re saying, but i think you have a right to be upset for being told you deserved to be drugged. there's no context in which somebody deserves to be drugged, and the person that did it definitely deserves some kind of confrontation. there are a lot of problems that can't be solved by group hugs and discussion groups. the threat of force is something that is extreme, but sometimes it is necessary. in this case? it sounds malicious, and if it was i agree it deserves a beat down. at the VERY LEAST, she should have been able to realize that you're understandably a little bit fucking livid right now and that you might be making threats that you might think twice about later. empathy? not much there.
ESA
ugh
my insides feel like they're shaking.
its positively vomitrocious
yeah its basically fear + anger
mostly fear. like 'what if someone didn't drug me and im going crazy'
'this is going to fuck me up for a while. great another set back '
Jessica Amber Murray
i think it sounds like a really good reason to get the fuck out of ottawa. are you playing in montreal tonight?
ESA
I dont know... i feel so much worse
Jessica Amber Murray
somebody suggested going to the hospital. erin, if you feel that's a good idea then you shouldn't second doubt it.
ESA
I cant get up
I keep fallig over
Jessica Amber Murray
erin, i want you to think very carefully: should you call an ambulance?
ESA
Well my dad is here. Im not sure.
Not sure if i have to go. They would just test my bloodd
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. i'm glad your dad is there. they might pump your stomach...
ESA
Idont get it. I took one pill of speed, and one pill of mdmq.
M y.cheecks are super swollen too. Like i was biting them
Im so fucking terrrified. This feeling wont go away
Jessica Amber Murray
you may have been clenching your teeth from the speed. swollen cheeks sounds like a possible allergic reaction, though.
ESA
What? They hurt though.
Jessica Amber Murray
have you ever done meth before? (i'm asking this for a reason)
ESA
Yeah by accident
Jessica Amber Murray
did you have a negative reaction to it?
ESA
No
I think i was.biting my cheeks hard
The swollen bits are right by my molars
Jessica Amber Murray
swelling is apparently a common reaction to a meth overdose.
and meth is often spliced with e. if you took meth + e + speed...
ESA
Yeh
Jessica Amber Murray
are you getting unusual heart rates?
ESA
Yeah.
It would maybe be.like 82 on a metronome
God this is disturbing.
Jessica Amber Murray
a musician's response...i'm sorry, i have a very lucid sense of humour. i think you should get to a hospital. meth overdoses can come on slowly. and they can be fatal.
ESA
Really? Dont you have to be taking yhe drug?
Jessica Amber Murray
well, you'd have to take meth to overdose from it, yeah. it kind of sounds like you did.
ESA
Yeah but im not taking it now
Supposed to play in montreal......
my band mate is mad at me. She says i was being irresponsible.
Jessica Amber Murray
The thing about meth is different users have a different threshold for intoxication. Overdosing on Methamphetamine has many underlying factors, cocktails of other drugs, complications due to chronic use, general health, body mass etc. The threshold for lethal intoxication may vary depending on the individual. The reaction in most cases is delayed it doesn't come on as the drug is being smoke but after, an unexpected cardiac episode, heart attack or stroke can strike with little warning. What to look out for Sudden onset high temperature from dehydration and heat build up in the body. Dilated pupils and convulsions. Muscle/Chest pain. Sweating, rapid breathing, increased heart rate and blood pressure. In circumstances when you think an overdose has occurred, give fluids, rap them in a cold blanked dampened if necessary and call an ambulance. Obviously CPR in extreme cases. Overdose can occur with a single use so never be complacent.
i'm not trying to be alarmist, it's just...that's kind of what it sounds like and i want you to be aware that meth overdoses can happen well after consumption.
i think you need to worry about your health right now, not whether you were being irresponsible.
ESA
Yeah
Jessica Amber Murray
The less dangerous effect of methamphetamine psychosis is a confused, disoriented state. Meth users may repeat the same common action over and over again, such as repeatedly washing their hands or arranging and rearranging everyday objects. They may also experience tactile hallucinations where they feel bugs crawling on them, or feel something moving under their skin. But methamphetamine psychosis can also bring about extremely violent, destructive behavior. Users may have frightening visual hallucinations, such as seeing wild animals or armed aggressors coming to attack them. Meth addicts often suffer from paranoia and become convinced they are surrounded by enemies. They often hear voices, which commonly command violent or aggressive behavior, and they can react to their hallucinations with intense aggression. Meth psychosis can commonly last for days after the last dose of methamphetamine was taken. In some cases it lasts for weeks or even years.
ESA
Ambulance is here
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't want to say "good", but...
good luck? let me know when things settle down?
my battery is out, so i need to go home to charge, and i'm going to lose internet access. but i'll be back in about an hour...
i’ve got a whole eco-system out here on my front porch. that lady seems to like feeding everything in sight: alley cats, squirrels, little birds. it’s been sort of idyllic and peaceful to sit outside amongst all the different little animals, but reality just asserted itself: i saw a hawk swoop down this morning. i think it was a hawk, anyways. i didn’t get a good look at it, just saw the back of it from the side of my eye as it tactically avoided a fence. it may have been an owl, but it definitely wasn’t a pigeon or a gull. i actually haven’t seen a single pigeon or gull yet, strangely….
there were four kittens here, at one point, though. now there’s three. in fact, i only saw two this morning.
well, that’s what happens when you attract a little wildlife sanctuary, i guess. the next logical step is coyotes. coyotes nowadays are sort of not coyotes anymore, though. they’ve been tracking a lot of interbreeding between coyotes and wolves in eastern north america over the last few decades. it has become strong enough of a phenomenon that there’s been talk of a hybridization event. the way it’s working itself out is that a large amount of wolf dna is trickling down into the coyote population. we’d like to hope for the best in such a thing, but evolution has a wily (sorry) character: what we’re seeing develop is a type of canid that has the physical strength and increased killing power of a wolf and the general lack of fear of humans of a coyote. the most adapted traits of each, naturally. so, they’re bigger, stronger and more dangerous coyotes. it’s one thing to talk about moving into their territory, and human encroachment may be driving the hybridization, but the reality is that they’re moving back into the cities and causing some problems. well, you didn’t think that all the wildlife we’re destroying wouldn’t adapt and put up a fight, did you? just a little check on your anthropocentric preconceptions, there. it’s going to require a little bit of careful thinking to try and find a way to co-exist with these more aggressive coyotes (or coywolves). these are predator species. they may be smart enough to know not to attack you directly, especially if there are other things around to eat, including out of garbage bins, but they *are* going to eat your cat if you let it out.
i should clarify that i haven’t seen one yet, and i don’t want to be alarmist about it. wolves have definitely been on the other end of a lot of alarmism. it doesn’t change the trend that’s developing and the need for some kind of humane strategy, though. what i saw today was an avian predator.
…but back to the cats. there were initially three very small ones and a slightly older one. i don’t think the bigger one is a mother because she looks like a kitten, too. i could be wrong, though. cats actually breed fairly young, don’t they? i remember reading something a while back that compared them to rabbits (thereby strengthening my rodentia hypothesis), but i don’t really know. anyways, the bigger one has been a little more brave and the smaller ones seem to be following along a little. they still haven’t come over to say hi yet but i think they’re at least used to me now…
alley cats seem to be a different kind of animal in the sense that they’re not really attracted to the idea of human affection. the big one seems to be holding out that i may have some kind of food for it, and i ultimately don’t think it’s likely that it’s going to come towards me unless i offer it some. that’s all humans are good for, i guess. personally, i’m rather insulted, and am not planning on resorting to bribery for the purposes of building a friendship. the kitty shall come out of sincere and legitimate interest or not at all…
it’s scoping me out, though, in the sense that it has figured out that i live on the other side of the basement windows. i’ve caught it peering in. it’s actually a bit of a process of doing a set of rounds: whenever i come in the door, it goes over to the front window to observe me, and then to the next and the next until it’s been all the way around. perhaps that’s my territory, if you will. well, it was there first! that’s fair. it will come right up to the window and has even pawed a few times, but scatters off the moment i open it…
i think there’s a sort of irony, there. i’m the one on the other side of the glass.
there were four kittens here, at one point, though. now there’s three. in fact, i only saw two this morning.
well, that’s what happens when you attract a little wildlife sanctuary, i guess. the next logical step is coyotes. coyotes nowadays are sort of not coyotes anymore, though. they’ve been tracking a lot of interbreeding between coyotes and wolves in eastern north america over the last few decades. it has become strong enough of a phenomenon that there’s been talk of a hybridization event. the way it’s working itself out is that a large amount of wolf dna is trickling down into the coyote population. we’d like to hope for the best in such a thing, but evolution has a wily (sorry) character: what we’re seeing develop is a type of canid that has the physical strength and increased killing power of a wolf and the general lack of fear of humans of a coyote. the most adapted traits of each, naturally. so, they’re bigger, stronger and more dangerous coyotes. it’s one thing to talk about moving into their territory, and human encroachment may be driving the hybridization, but the reality is that they’re moving back into the cities and causing some problems. well, you didn’t think that all the wildlife we’re destroying wouldn’t adapt and put up a fight, did you? just a little check on your anthropocentric preconceptions, there. it’s going to require a little bit of careful thinking to try and find a way to co-exist with these more aggressive coyotes (or coywolves). these are predator species. they may be smart enough to know not to attack you directly, especially if there are other things around to eat, including out of garbage bins, but they *are* going to eat your cat if you let it out.
i should clarify that i haven’t seen one yet, and i don’t want to be alarmist about it. wolves have definitely been on the other end of a lot of alarmism. it doesn’t change the trend that’s developing and the need for some kind of humane strategy, though. what i saw today was an avian predator.
…but back to the cats. there were initially three very small ones and a slightly older one. i don’t think the bigger one is a mother because she looks like a kitten, too. i could be wrong, though. cats actually breed fairly young, don’t they? i remember reading something a while back that compared them to rabbits (thereby strengthening my rodentia hypothesis), but i don’t really know. anyways, the bigger one has been a little more brave and the smaller ones seem to be following along a little. they still haven’t come over to say hi yet but i think they’re at least used to me now…
alley cats seem to be a different kind of animal in the sense that they’re not really attracted to the idea of human affection. the big one seems to be holding out that i may have some kind of food for it, and i ultimately don’t think it’s likely that it’s going to come towards me unless i offer it some. that’s all humans are good for, i guess. personally, i’m rather insulted, and am not planning on resorting to bribery for the purposes of building a friendship. the kitty shall come out of sincere and legitimate interest or not at all…
it’s scoping me out, though, in the sense that it has figured out that i live on the other side of the basement windows. i’ve caught it peering in. it’s actually a bit of a process of doing a set of rounds: whenever i come in the door, it goes over to the front window to observe me, and then to the next and the next until it’s been all the way around. perhaps that’s my territory, if you will. well, it was there first! that’s fair. it will come right up to the window and has even pawed a few times, but scatters off the moment i open it…
i think there’s a sort of irony, there. i’m the one on the other side of the glass.
Re: Reply to your "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: RLI
sorry for the late response, i don't have stable internet either. wasn't expecting that fast a response...
i hope you still have it! any time today (friday the 16th) is good. i'll make sure i'm checking email more frequently.
j
To: RLI
sorry for the late response, i don't have stable internet either. wasn't expecting that fast a response...
i hope you still have it! any time today (friday the 16th) is good. i'll make sure i'm checking email more frequently.
j
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