i can't get that here, & it's triggering the fuck out of me.

i don't need or want chemical treatments, and attempts to force them on me are just going to agitate me further.

what i need is isolation: alone time.

and clear-headedness & sobriety.

once again: i don't have depression.

i'm not a depressed person.

i don't need treatment for depression.

what i have is a social disorder that makes me exceedingly agitated around fucking idiots, and unable to deal with people. i get angry when i'm agitated in this way and can potentially get violent.

i just need to be left alone.

and i can't deal with this fucking pothead. i'm on the brink of going down there and beating the shit of her.

there she goes again.

9:00 am on a monday morning. high as a kite. place smells like a dead skunk's asshole. it's truly absolutely revolting. thankfully, i've got some air flow this morning.

i need to reiterate that the reason i can't just deal with this is that i need to be recording in here, eventually, and i need to be clear-headed to do it. i know there's a popular mythology that musicians do drugs in the studio, but it's just completely wrong - it's a complete myth, a complete fantasy.

the ability to ensure sobriety when recording is paramount; this place is worthless to me if i can't do that.

i'm a little slow to get started today, but i'm back at it, now.

i've got a breeze blowing directly in, which is nice. this apartment only has windows on one side, so i only get a breeze when the wind blows one way. so, that's helped with ventilation. the stench has come up a few times, but i'm not feeling any effects from it just right now.

i'm going to lose the day, but hopefully i'll be past this tomorrow.