i am going to force myself to get through this filing tonight. i'm sick of doing it. but it's really necessary.

they teach you in economics 101 nowadays that competition is wasteful and stupid and should be avoided at all costs, no matter what. modern economic theory argues that competition benefits nobody, it just wastes resources. no rational entity at any part of the chain would ever seek out competition, or ever engage in it, except under duress.

and, i think they're right - it degrades the quality of existence, to the inanity of meaningless struggle. and, in the end, it doesn't matter who wins.

art is not a competitive process, it's an expressive one. and i'm not interested. i'd let them win, but i can't, as it means losing control of the tools of production. and, if i buy new tools, they'll just want to compete over those, too.

it's fucking annoying.

but, i keep uninstalling these background network processes, and they keep coming back. that doesn't happen spontaneously, not in a locked down and dismantled xp, like this. some intelligent entity, with agency, is finding it's way in there and doing that.

so, i'm just trying to get rid of them, and they seem to want to compete.

fucking annoying capitalists, constantly degrading the quality of existence with their stupid competitive bullshit. just fuck off...

i've been assuming for years that they'll get bored quickly and go away, but they seem to think it's some kind of game.

i don't want to play games with the cops, and i'm not interested in competing with them for control of my computer. but, i don't have the resources to use the machine the way i want unless i stop them from hacking in, first.

and, i'd rather the device not have a network card of any sort in it - no wireless, no bluetooth. no radio, even.

the reason i boycott apple is the insistence on proprietary licenses.

actually, i'm wrong - i can charge my old sansa via that port.

i need a new mp3 player. i don't want to carry a phone, but a replacement for this non-proprietary ipod mini kind of thing would be nice, because i need a longer charging time. it was 10 hours max when i bought it in 2005 but it's come down to 4-5 and it's just not enough anymore. i'd say the $50 lasted me. what is on the market that can replace it?

i don't want to have to install software to use it and i don't want it to use drm. i just want to drag and drop files. i have a total boycott on apple products, and have for the last 20 years.

there were times last year when they'd install shit when i was out going for a smoke.

i'm not dealing with rational entities, i'm dealing with some kind of aggressive law enforcement that thinks i'm a communist spy, or something. i'm not the first artist in the history of the world to deal with this sort of stupidity, but they don't seem to care that they're simply reducing existence to a stupid battle of egos.

i could copy all of the data off and format the drive, but it seems like they'll just reinstall the firmware when i'm gone.

again: i don't understand this unwanted obsession, but i have to get around it because it's not stopping. i have to find algorithms to make the machine work in the short run, if i can't fix it in the long run, because they'll just come in when i'm gone to re-break it.

my computer is old enough that the front panel connections are not charged.

i should take advantage of that.

i haven't seen any reboots yet, but these random network drivers keep reappearing, and my machine went into hibernation tonight when it shouldn't have. the only way i can make sense of that is if somebody installed a wireless operating system in the firmware of my external drive, which is bafflingly obsessive, but this is just persistent over time...

so, i think i need to avoid using any sort of charged usb port.

it makes sense to me that essentially any usb device could be converted into a wireless device if the hacker is persistent enough and can gain access to it. but, they would need power to function.

all i want is full control over my tools of production to work on my art projects. i don't understand the insistence to spy on me, given that i have no interest in the world around me.