yeah - let's go ahead and post this here:

it's just the journal section, updated to yesterday's edits.

it seems like i'll have to read through it very carefully every week, unfortunately. i mean, what can i do? this is life, in a technological dystopia - and if we weren't that pre-covid, we sure are now.

nsa? cia? csis? rcmp? google? kgb? i don't know - really. i just know i constantly get that feeling that it's been altered.

my memory for words is not as powerful as my sense of compositional integrity. i type so much; i forget large amounts of it ten minutes later. it's stream of consciousness, a lot of it. but, these are more written blurbs, and i'm developing the need to remember more carefully. am i too old to get that skill?

if i'm right, what can i do?

i have no suggestions. 

send me an email.

what am i doing?

i decided to consolidate the review section before i got back to the writing, and, dammit...

why exactly does it seem like everything's being edited? i don't know, but i know i'm improving the final outcome by "changing it back", even if i'm actually imagining it.

i've been over this before: if there's some unwanted editing going on here, the editor is going to immense lengths to (1) make it impossible to trace and prove and (2) insist that the edits revert.

it's the same general question of control.

and, i'm just not into it...

so, i've been rewriting parts of the reviews all day, unfortunately. they're better than they were when i found them, at least.

this space is not intended to be collaborative, and i can only express the most extreme forms of hostility possible towards anybody or anything that wants to interfere.

i'm getting more cryptic comments on this.

i'm behind. clearly. but, i've been quite explicit that i didn't start listening to what was called "alternative rock" until about 1993, or punk rock until after that. it takes some time to get there, too - there's going to be an evolution in taste, and i'm going to be thorough about it. 'cause this is about me, not you, and not them.

i turned 11 years old in january, 1992.

so, it's worth pointing out that i probably spent more time in 1991 listening to out of time than any other record and that i'd have nominated barenaked ladies' gordon as the record of the year in 1992, even ahead of automatic for the people.

....if you really need to know where my head was at.

if i didn't mention it, i intended to plug in kim mitchell's rock 'n' roll duty for that week's track.

kim mitchell was initially the guitarist for a somewhat obscure weirdo canadiana act called max webster, but by the late 80s had became a homegrown canadian aor guitar hero, known mostly for his sort of tongue-in-cheek, post-modern take on guitar rock - very much in the wayne's world tradition, and there have been longstanding murmurs wondering if there's some connection. i was pretty young. maybe it was just a canadian thing, to not take rock music seriously, when so much of the rest of the world was absurdly absorbed in it. but, whatever the truth, kim mitchell became known for these idiosyncratically weird rock songs about writing rock songs, most of which sounded pretty much identical to each other.

as an adult, i recognize the rather vicious goethe reference:

q: what is this? 

a: this is a rock song!

q: what am i?

a: we are rock and rockrolling!

q: where are we?

a: we are in rockland wonderland!

(those lyrics are actually for the follow-up single, not this one, but they're basically the same song. kim mitchell only has one song.)

it's all very silly, and very intentionally so - and it was massively popular in canada.

while i have also made some minor changes to the first three of these, i've been forced to rewrite the fourth repeatedly, because it seems like it keeps changing:

https://thejournalofj.blogspot.com/1989/08/wow-have-i-ever-had-weekend.html

the fifth seemed ok.

if i'm doing this, fine, let's do it - let's catch up on the alter-reality posts, first. i'm writing through the fall of 1989, here, and my experiences in the first half of grade 3, at a new school.