Jessica Amber Murray
i've been here for a little over an
hour, but got stuck in a timmy's with broken wifi during the rain. had
to walk up to the next timmy's... so, what next? i'm just off highway
401, i'll get the address in a second, let me check google. i guess the
important thing i need to know is if i need to check into a hostel
tonight or not.
k, so i'm at tecumseh & huron church line (highway 3)
sorry. no line. just tecumseh & huron church.
ESA
were in walkerville
Jessica Amber Murray
so...you
wanna meet somewhere? doesn't look like that far a walk, but i need an
exact intersection or place because i have to find wifi and plug in to
communicate. also...hostel. did you contact mackaye? i'd obviously
rather not book a hostel if i don't have to, but if i do have to i want
to do it soon.
ESA
Yeh u have a place at mackayes. Well meet u at kildare house. Its a pub in walkerville. 40 minutes? Dont know the address
Its on the corner of wyandotte and kildare
Jessica Amber Murray
k,
i can't judge how long it will take, but if i go up highway 3 i can
turn right on wyandotte and make it to kildare. leaving now, unless you
want to say anything else before i leave.
(pause)
k, i'm gone.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
so, mavis was a horrendous place to hitch from. heavy traffic, and nowhere to stop. plus, the off ramp looked sketchy.
so, i took a west just north of the 401 hoping to get to the next exit, ended up getting lost in a wealthy neighbourhood, and came out on the side of a farm road. hey, a bus stop. more importantly, a map in the shelter.
i forked out the three dollars to get to the next off ramp, which was scalable, and caught a ride with another trucker pretty quickly to a service station outside ingersoll. had to hide in there for a few minutes due to opp hanging around the on ramp. made me wonder if he called me in.
i caught a ride almost instantly out to the outskirts of london, but it's unfortunately begun to rain. forecast claims this will happen lightly all afternoon. going to finish this coffee at this denny's here and likely just deal with it.
as an aside, i'm sort of enjoying this, excluding that creep, which i'm going to blame on being in the jane street area. i think i'm going to take the scenic route home.
so, i took a west just north of the 401 hoping to get to the next exit, ended up getting lost in a wealthy neighbourhood, and came out on the side of a farm road. hey, a bus stop. more importantly, a map in the shelter.
i forked out the three dollars to get to the next off ramp, which was scalable, and caught a ride with another trucker pretty quickly to a service station outside ingersoll. had to hide in there for a few minutes due to opp hanging around the on ramp. made me wonder if he called me in.
i caught a ride almost instantly out to the outskirts of london, but it's unfortunately begun to rain. forecast claims this will happen lightly all afternoon. going to finish this coffee at this denny's here and likely just deal with it.
as an aside, i'm sort of enjoying this, excluding that creep, which i'm going to blame on being in the jane street area. i think i'm going to take the scenic route home.
RE: i'm in mississaugua
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
He is in bed all the time now...He is still lucid and wants to eat mainly sweets....Yhe doctor has asked for a daily nurse from 7-3 who will be starting today. The doctor thinks he needs a catheter now and I know that will be a big fight!
Stay safe!
To: "'jessica murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
He is in bed all the time now...He is still lucid and wants to eat mainly sweets....Yhe doctor has asked for a daily nurse from 7-3 who will be starting today. The doctor thinks he needs a catheter now and I know that will be a big fight!
Stay safe!
got a few hours sleep. the sun should be up soon. had to take off somewhere else.
i try to be compassionate to schizophrenic people. while it's something that is fairly mild and infrequent, i've been through my share of episodes. but sometimes the things that come out of their mouths are legitimately unsettling in a way i'm not able to deal with.
the surgical mask is a pretty common characteristic. there's germs in the air. in truth, there's enough smog and pollution in the air in most major cities to turn the question around: why aren't we *all* wearing air filters? i can absolutely see the logic in this.
his grandmother wasn't around, though. she's likely long dead (he looked roughly 50). even that's not such an upsetting thing to interact with. so he's talking to his dead grandma. like, i know he's *really* talking to himself, that's just how he does it. to an extent i'm doing exactly the same thing right now, really.
it's when the topic turned morbid that i got unsettled, because i didn't know what he had in his bag. see, supposedly the big tsunami a few years ago was some kind of spiritual event. i wasn't able to follow the narrative entirely (it wasn't fully coherent, and i was trying to get a little rest), but it seems to be that there were angels that came down during the tidal wave and that they spread from vancouver across north america. i'm ultimately going to interpret that racially, and assume he's talking about asian immigration to north america and speciously connecting it to the tsunami. as god is evil (he is constantly lying, and only a fool would trust him), the angels are by extension the enemies of humanity. it's up to the humans to fight the angels. that's not his fault, either - the blood is on god's hands.
now, even that in itself wouldn't be enough to incite me to leave. it would leave me a little perturbed, concerned, but i get that schizophrenic people are schizophrenic and they're working out whatever they're working out. i can't construct the specific narrative because i don't know the guy, but it's likely a perfectly reasonable allegory for whatever life events have left him traumatized - it's his confused way of understanding whatever he can't really understand. there's a way to decode the message, even if i have no idea how. that's fine.
unfortunately, i felt targeted, and started wondering if he may have seen my facebook post. i allow followers, and have dozens of them that i know almost nothing about. hey, i run a more interesting than average profile. i've temporarily switched this post to friends only for that reason. he kept talking about how he finally found "him" (no, we didn't have a talk about gender pronouns), and what happens next is on god's hands. the common themes of god's hands and violence made me very uncomfortable.
he was also talking about how there will never be another one like "him" and it's humanity's only chance and he's sorry grandma but...
he just kept saying "him". no further specification. but it seemed like he was looking for somebody and found that person, and i was the only other person there.
so, yeah, i'll be glad to get out of toronto. the bike he was riding isn't going to get him very far down the road.
maybe i should interpret it as a compliment. if i picked up his message clearly, he was calling me an angel.
...but if he walks in here, i'm going to freak out.
i try to be compassionate to schizophrenic people. while it's something that is fairly mild and infrequent, i've been through my share of episodes. but sometimes the things that come out of their mouths are legitimately unsettling in a way i'm not able to deal with.
the surgical mask is a pretty common characteristic. there's germs in the air. in truth, there's enough smog and pollution in the air in most major cities to turn the question around: why aren't we *all* wearing air filters? i can absolutely see the logic in this.
his grandmother wasn't around, though. she's likely long dead (he looked roughly 50). even that's not such an upsetting thing to interact with. so he's talking to his dead grandma. like, i know he's *really* talking to himself, that's just how he does it. to an extent i'm doing exactly the same thing right now, really.
it's when the topic turned morbid that i got unsettled, because i didn't know what he had in his bag. see, supposedly the big tsunami a few years ago was some kind of spiritual event. i wasn't able to follow the narrative entirely (it wasn't fully coherent, and i was trying to get a little rest), but it seems to be that there were angels that came down during the tidal wave and that they spread from vancouver across north america. i'm ultimately going to interpret that racially, and assume he's talking about asian immigration to north america and speciously connecting it to the tsunami. as god is evil (he is constantly lying, and only a fool would trust him), the angels are by extension the enemies of humanity. it's up to the humans to fight the angels. that's not his fault, either - the blood is on god's hands.
now, even that in itself wouldn't be enough to incite me to leave. it would leave me a little perturbed, concerned, but i get that schizophrenic people are schizophrenic and they're working out whatever they're working out. i can't construct the specific narrative because i don't know the guy, but it's likely a perfectly reasonable allegory for whatever life events have left him traumatized - it's his confused way of understanding whatever he can't really understand. there's a way to decode the message, even if i have no idea how. that's fine.
unfortunately, i felt targeted, and started wondering if he may have seen my facebook post. i allow followers, and have dozens of them that i know almost nothing about. hey, i run a more interesting than average profile. i've temporarily switched this post to friends only for that reason. he kept talking about how he finally found "him" (no, we didn't have a talk about gender pronouns), and what happens next is on god's hands. the common themes of god's hands and violence made me very uncomfortable.
he was also talking about how there will never be another one like "him" and it's humanity's only chance and he's sorry grandma but...
he just kept saying "him". no further specification. but it seemed like he was looking for somebody and found that person, and i was the only other person there.
so, yeah, i'll be glad to get out of toronto. the bike he was riding isn't going to get him very far down the road.
maybe i should interpret it as a compliment. if i picked up his message clearly, he was calling me an angel.
...but if he walks in here, i'm going to freak out.
i'm in mississaugua
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: stepmother's email address
i had a plan to be in kitchener by the end of the night, but it went awry. i was trying to avoid hitching up the 401 in toronto because i know it's awful. but i missed the go train.
where i am is past the worst of it. it should be a quick ride tomorrow.
i don't expect the answer to this question to be good, and i sort of dread asking it, but i need to know: how is he?
j
To: stepmother's email address
i had a plan to be in kitchener by the end of the night, but it went awry. i was trying to avoid hitching up the 401 in toronto because i know it's awful. but i missed the go train.
where i am is past the worst of it. it should be a quick ride tomorrow.
i don't expect the answer to this question to be good, and i sort of dread asking it, but i need to know: how is he?
j
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