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Wednesday, September 11, 2013
ok, so i've been going to the same handful of places for a month, and
i'm starting to notice people eyeing me. i've had a few interesting
responses from men. here's one...
"hey sweetheart can i borrow your.....oh, sorry dude, i thought you were a chick. haha. can i borrow your lighter, man?"
"actually, you were sort of..."
"sorry about that. can't believe i thought you were a chick, hahaha."
ugh.
that, i can sort of shrug off. ultimately, i don't really care. more annoying is getting the eye from women. on the one hand, i'm sort of used to that. on the other, i feel the need to say something.
trans people come in all different types. the stereotype of the gay male transvestite, though, is largely...well, i suppose it applies ok to gay men that like to dress up "like women" at bars, as though they're going to a costume party. it doesn't, however, apply well to people that identify as transgendered 24/7. we come in different types, but the statistical norm for trans-women is actually a very socially submissive personality type that is almost the opposite of aggressive flamboyancy.
it's ok if you think a trans person is cute, but giving them the eye that you give guys at bars is actually borderline oppressive, as it asserts a gender role from a distance. it sends a message of "i see through your disguise, and think you're a cute boy and want you to come to talk to me".
again, it's ok if you think a trans person is cute, but please try to be a little more thoughtful. i'm a very friendly and approachable person, but this heteronormative eye contact shit is not a game i want to play.
"hey sweetheart can i borrow your.....oh, sorry dude, i thought you were a chick. haha. can i borrow your lighter, man?"
"actually, you were sort of..."
"sorry about that. can't believe i thought you were a chick, hahaha."
ugh.
that, i can sort of shrug off. ultimately, i don't really care. more annoying is getting the eye from women. on the one hand, i'm sort of used to that. on the other, i feel the need to say something.
trans people come in all different types. the stereotype of the gay male transvestite, though, is largely...well, i suppose it applies ok to gay men that like to dress up "like women" at bars, as though they're going to a costume party. it doesn't, however, apply well to people that identify as transgendered 24/7. we come in different types, but the statistical norm for trans-women is actually a very socially submissive personality type that is almost the opposite of aggressive flamboyancy.
it's ok if you think a trans person is cute, but giving them the eye that you give guys at bars is actually borderline oppressive, as it asserts a gender role from a distance. it sends a message of "i see through your disguise, and think you're a cute boy and want you to come to talk to me".
again, it's ok if you think a trans person is cute, but please try to be a little more thoughtful. i'm a very friendly and approachable person, but this heteronormative eye contact shit is not a game i want to play.
cleaning out the recording pc
....and this is my ridiculous, custom-built music pc - all cleaned up after a night of taking it apart and putting it back together. it's a few years old now, but hasn't aged in any meaningful way. to be honest, i'm not sure i can conceive of a reason i'd ever want to upgrade this thing. 1 TB hard disk space, 4 inboard soundcards (including the disabled integrated card....3 in use), 4 GB RAM and i don't care about the rest because it doesn't matter.....
Shelly Teagan
OMFG lenin IS ALL UP IN KISSING LENI
FUCKING LENI
AND NOW IM JEALOUS
It's so super awesome. I'm like overjoyed
Jessica Amber Murray
ugh.
Shelly Teagan
yeah i'm going a bit crazy pver it
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm not really sure what the thing is with leni. but, i think it's important that you apply the same standards to lenin that you'd expect him to apply to you, you know? otherwise, that's gonna be a messy argument.
Shelly Teagan
same standards ? ?
what do you mean ?
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i think lenin's watched you make out with people before, or heard about, i think you're allowed to be jealous, but it's maybe not fair for you to be *too* jealous.
i just mean that you'd rightly tell lenin he doesn't own you. and it's maybe reasonable to remember that the converse is also true, as you run through various fantasies of murdering leni.
that's a shitty thing to see, though. well, you know what you always say about lenin, though...
maybe not what you wanted to hear, but very true. anyways, i'm out for the night.
Shelly Teagan
Lol its not out of jealousy in that way. I feel betrayed because its LENI and she bas been really abusive to me. For some reason lenin is totally cool with it. She also is using him to make me jealous and to win some kind of fucked up power play she’s had with me for thw last year
Its horrifying because she is really fucking abusive to her partner. Her partner is this super nice guy who pays fr her education and has the best politics. He loves her to pieces. I know she cbeats on hm all the time because she fucking boasts about it.
She also sexts people through her partners phone and has sex with them while hes in the next room sleepi.g. shes a fucking parasite and i want her to leave people i care about alone.
Also im infuriated at lenin for doing this and never being accountable for his own shitty perpetuation of lenis power game. Its like he gets a kick out of her being extremely abusive and jealous of me. Because he feels like shes fighting for him as a prize or something.... and i guess its nice to be a prize. Anyways this makes me feel bad, and i dont put up with anything in relationships. If you betray me, were done.
Jessica Amber Murray
i remember her showing up to one of the student strike meetings with bruises all over her, and she explained that she started a fight with her boyfriend and they were punching each other all night... honestly? i know you care about lenin, but it seems like he's put you through a lot of misery and maybe walking away is a better idea. he's continually displayed an almost chronic deficit of attention to your desires.
Shelly Teagan
lol yeh fuck lenin
OMFG lenin IS ALL UP IN KISSING LENI
FUCKING LENI
AND NOW IM JEALOUS
It's so super awesome. I'm like overjoyed
Jessica Amber Murray
ugh.
Shelly Teagan
yeah i'm going a bit crazy pver it
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm not really sure what the thing is with leni. but, i think it's important that you apply the same standards to lenin that you'd expect him to apply to you, you know? otherwise, that's gonna be a messy argument.
Shelly Teagan
same standards ? ?
what do you mean ?
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i think lenin's watched you make out with people before, or heard about, i think you're allowed to be jealous, but it's maybe not fair for you to be *too* jealous.
i just mean that you'd rightly tell lenin he doesn't own you. and it's maybe reasonable to remember that the converse is also true, as you run through various fantasies of murdering leni.
that's a shitty thing to see, though. well, you know what you always say about lenin, though...
maybe not what you wanted to hear, but very true. anyways, i'm out for the night.
Shelly Teagan
Lol its not out of jealousy in that way. I feel betrayed because its LENI and she bas been really abusive to me. For some reason lenin is totally cool with it. She also is using him to make me jealous and to win some kind of fucked up power play she’s had with me for thw last year
Its horrifying because she is really fucking abusive to her partner. Her partner is this super nice guy who pays fr her education and has the best politics. He loves her to pieces. I know she cbeats on hm all the time because she fucking boasts about it.
She also sexts people through her partners phone and has sex with them while hes in the next room sleepi.g. shes a fucking parasite and i want her to leave people i care about alone.
Also im infuriated at lenin for doing this and never being accountable for his own shitty perpetuation of lenis power game. Its like he gets a kick out of her being extremely abusive and jealous of me. Because he feels like shes fighting for him as a prize or something.... and i guess its nice to be a prize. Anyways this makes me feel bad, and i dont put up with anything in relationships. If you betray me, were done.
Jessica Amber Murray
i remember her showing up to one of the student strike meetings with bruises all over her, and she explained that she started a fight with her boyfriend and they were punching each other all night... honestly? i know you care about lenin, but it seems like he's put you through a lot of misery and maybe walking away is a better idea. he's continually displayed an almost chronic deficit of attention to your desires.
Shelly Teagan
lol yeh fuck lenin
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