i actually deleted almost everybody, so don't feel singled out. the
list is down to family (or people that are practically family) and
people that i feel post content that i find to be interesting. it's just
a handful of people.
it's not really personal, it's
mostly about moving on and leaving the past behind. chances are that i
just decided i wasn't interested in what you were posting and didn't
really want to read it anymore. so, chances are that i don't dislike
you, and that wasn't the reason i deleted you. it's just that the past
is the past and i'd like to place it there explicitly.
however,
i've also come to learn that the vast majority of people in this world
have broken hearts. by that, what i mean is that they are fundamentally
broken people. broken by a system, perhaps, but jaded to the point where
they are fundamentally unable to be 'good'. they may not even realize
that, or how their views and actions have been so deeply shaped by the
paradigms of neo-liberalism. the optimist in me wants to believe that we
can all work through this together, that the solution is some kind of
group therapy, but the realist in me understands that the vast majority
of people are simply too far gone. i've come to understand that
'friends' are consequently more often liabilities than assets, and that
nobody can ever really be trusted in our society beyond a very base
level. i've been burned, pretty hard, and need to take the initiative to
stay away from people that i'm convinced will eventually stab me in the
back. think of it as preventive action.
i have my feed
set for public updates. it's set up that way because i'm not opposed to
people subscribing, or people i've deleted continuing to read my feed.
if you don't want to continue receiving my posts, you can click the
little rotated > in the corner of the post and choose to hide all
updates from me. alternatively, you could block and unblock me.
i wish people luck in the future. i just want to get away from the past.
i'll
remind people that i'm on odsp for ptsd and, whether the diagnosis is
rigorous or not, there's no question that i had a profound mental
breakdown that was largely driven by a reaction to how other people
discarded me. i'm still struggling with how to cope with that, and how
to adjust, but i remain convinced, looking back, that i ignored a lot of
warning signs under the misguided hope that goodness of heart would
prevail in the end. i may be overcompensating, but i can't risk
triggering myself backwards, and i request that people simply respect my
decision in the context of me feeling it's a necessary step to
maintaining my mental health. i feel i can get out now largely unscathed
and without collapsing into any sort of episode. just respect that,
please.
