09/10/11-09-2016: i swear this has never happened to me before. (woke up in a stranger's car...)

review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/09/09.html

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

i don't care about family entertainment. fuck your family...

i mean, you want to slap an 18+ on this? go ahead. i've actually already slapped a 30+ on it...

i think there's enough options for kids, guys. if you want to shelter them, i'm frankly in solidarity with them. you don't have the right.

there's just no pretense. and no reason there should be one.

i stopped by the emergency room this morning. there simply aren't any clinics open within walking distance of where i am. why? because it's sunday.

in 2016. no clinics open. because sunday. fuck. did i wake up in an amish country or what? wtf? weirder: most of the doctors around here are actually muslims. or come from muslim places. if your day of rest is saturday, why are you booking sunday off? isn't that supposed to be one of the benefits of being diverse about superstitions? that you can get them to stagger, so somebody is always open?

as an aside, the statement:

"i couldn't go to work today, because the bible said so."

...is just about the last thing i want to hear from a doctor.

i know. what is this the fucking spanish inquisition? well, that's my point! i hear that from a doctor and the next thing i want is a waiver indicating that i do not consent to bloodletting.

fuck...

so, i went to the emergency room instead. and, i feel i'm bloody well entitled to do it, too. i at least made sure to go at what is probably the deadest time of the day: 7:00 am on sunday morning. when the drunks are cleared out and everybody else is still asleep.

i bet you think i had a terrible wait time, right? that i was there for hours and hours and didn't even get to see the...

no. actually, i basically walked right in. i was in the hospital for less than an hour.

diagnosis: it's a bruise, not a clot. that's relieving.

see, i need you to think about this. i take the amount of estrogen in a single day that women on steady birth control will take in 2 months. 6 mg is 60x the dosage in your average birth control pill. and, they say merely taking birth control is a clot risk.

so, this is something i need to be keenly aware of at all times. and, it is the actual reason i quit smoking. note that i was smoking at the bar. hence, my concern was very well placed.

but, no. it's just a series of bruises. some of them make more sense than others.

i'm going to wait until i get the mri results before i get a test, because i could end up testing for lyme disease at the same time.

this may have something to do with being sopping wet when i came to.

it might be why i got in the car.

just a guess.

am i rationalizing?

the bruise on my ass is a scary size, now. if that was from fucking, it wasn't consensual. i'm going to the clinic in the morning to get a blood test, and check for clots.

i've never really contemplated whether rape kits can be used for possible anal penetration on a genetic male.

i wouldn't necessarily press charges. that's not exactly what i'm getting at. i know what the law says, and i support it as it is - it shouldn't be legal to have sex with a blacked out person. but, i also know how i get when i'm drunk....

the reality is that there's every reason for me to conclude i was probably all over him. i don't mean in the sense that i went across the bar to get him. i mean in the sense that...

...if somebody was in the room, they may very well have thought i was the one raping him.

i know that i'm like that. when i say i got fucked hard, that doesn't necessarily mean i was on the bottom.

i'm a girl. i fuck like a girl.

so, i mean...i can't know. i don't remember. i just don't. but, the doubt is pretty reasonable in my own mind given the evidence. i wouldn't want to jump to that conclusion.

but the bruise is out of control, too. i dunno....like i say, i never really thought about it.

i don't know how i could get the proper evidence to know whether i should pursue it or not. and, to me, erring on the side of caution means upholding the presumption of innocence.

if my 'rave kids like hanging out in green spaces' quip doesn't make sense to you, let me remind you that i'm from the 90s. 90s rave culture does still exist, you just need to look past the candy girls and bottle services and try and find smaller venues with more real people in them. cover last night was $10.

and, no, it's not the 90s. nobody had giant pants on. but, you get the point.

i should also clarify that i'm too young for 90s rave culture. my prime dancing years were in the intellectual dearth of the late 90s early 00s, and i lived in a town that simply didn't have the kind of scene i would actually be able to associate with from a distance.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/rave-kids-in-the-90s-vs-rave-kids-today