as mentioned in the update i just posted to jan 1, 2001, this run through my discography is entering a phase (very late 2000 to very early 2002, and beyond, actually) where i spent a lot of time writing music into score writers. the program i used was called 'noteworthy composer', which is a shareware program from the windows 9x period that was never bettered on the windows platform in terms of ease of use (although i admit i've used mac programs that equal it in this way). i don't know why so many windows programs thought users would prefer to use mice over keyboards to enter notes. it's a horribly slow process...and don't even get me started on that icky cubase roll shit...
anyways, it's something like composing in finale or sibelius, just using a program that i find to have a more efficient graphical user interface. the end result of that process creates a midi file that's designed to be played with a synthesizer.
i've considered doing so, but i'm deciding not to market this as chiptune. it isn't computer game music, or at least isn't in the sense of sounding like existing game music. nor is it written into a chip, or created using trackers, it's written into a score writer like a piece of classical music would be. there are overlaps due to the shared tools, but i've never been a gamer and haven't been influenced by that sound. it would be disingenuous.
...but what's coming is different than what i've posted previously. the idea will show up in projects that follow, but not to the same extent.
i'm also considering writing some facelifts into some existing ry30/midi combos from the inri period. it's all put aside. how much i'm going to do, i don't know yet. but, it's going to depend partially on the length of the record i get up. there's nearly an hour of scored music from 2001. i don't want to go over 80 minutes.
some of it has already been recorded conventionally; some of it will be recorded conventionally in the near future. i'm not letting that get in the way of getting the midi files up. from a historical perspective, that's what i was doing, so that's what i'm uploading.
this project is going to bleed most naturally into the tetris project.
unfortunately, i don't have proper dates for this material, either. it's all dated to may 15, 2003. the software i was using to burn seems to have chosen the burn date. this is a massive annoyance for everything up until may, 2003.
lastly, i'm going to have to decide whether i want to use existing renderings or re-render. midi files sound differently through different synths.
all of that means that it could be up to a week before this is uploaded. i'm going to want to upload it all at the same time....
====
cited update
the first half of 2001 is a slightly blurry period for me. musically, i was in a "serious music" phase that included an interest in the classical guitar and a lot of writing into score-writers. while actual recorded music in this period is minimal, i was doing quite a lot of writing in various contexts. my thinking in the period was more dominated by political research than musical thought. in conjunction to this, i think i was dealing with my first bout of (still undiagnosed) schizophrenia.
it was around this point that i started scrawling graphic relationships all over my wall, as can be seen in my deny everything cover art and other scattered fragments that have been saved. i launched my first research website some time around here.
i worked three jobs over the summer and walked out of the experience slightly damaged. then 9/11 happened, which hit me in a peculiar way because it seemed like it was the actualization of all the things i was studying. i understand, now, that i was actually being prepared for it. that is to say not myself, personally, but the internet, in general. that might be hard for younger people to grasp, but the internet seems to have been very controlled at this point in ways that were neither intuitive then nor now.
either way, two things happened in the fall that pulled me away from the research and got me back into the recording process - the first was 9/11 and the second was a project that a friend of mine was working on, first called the cynicide collaboration and later converted into rabit iz wolf. moving into 2002, that would be the main focus of my musical energy.
for this period, though, there's not much - just a few messy guitar pieces and a handful of scores that in some cases have still not been addressed. yet, i am going to address those scores now.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
publishing j’s adventures in guitarland (inri045)
so, after some months of denial, i've come to the sober realization that most of my classical guitar monstrosities are now forever lost in the consequences of a snow-flooded backyard shed. i would shed a tear, if it weren't for the reality that they've been lost to my mind and my fingers for far too many years to recover them, anyways.
i would have laughed at you if you would have told me i'd be sitting here, thirteen years later, lamenting the fact that i never recorded these pieces. yet, here i am.
there's not really a good reason why i never recorded these. i just didn't. it's true that i was distracted by other projects, and that i wanted to make sure they were perfectly imperfect before i let them out. that doesn't explain why i never bothered demoing them, or even just recording them half-assed for historical purposes. alas...now they are gone...
i took classical guitar lessons for about a year from spring '00 to spring '01. by that time, i'd been playing guitar for almost ten years and had been through many years of blues and jazz training, albeit not for several years before then. i didn't want to go back to rock-era instruction, but i felt i could benefit from approaching the guitar with a different perspective. i also wanted to learn a little about counterpoint. so, we went with renaissance pieces to start off with (and which comprise this short offering) and more avant pieces by the likes of leo brouwer near the end.
a punk with a classical guitar is still a punk, just a punk with a classical guitar. throughout the experience, my cobain instincts and hendrix flairs overpowered any demands to play nicely. the truth is the guy i was paying absolutely despised me, but he also had a muted level of respect for somebody with the panache to actually think about even trying to pull this shit off. i caught him open-jawed a few times, as impressed as he was shocked.
there were almost twenty of these things written out. he'd present me with a score and i'd just go to town with it, scrawling notes all over it, changing chords, making up notation symbols, just whatever i thought sounded better. the results were a legitimate fusion of noise rock and classical guitar music in a way that stressed technical playing over atmospheres. what is present here is the very tip of this iceberg.
yet, i didn't want to just record them. i wanted to recreate them. the version of little suite that is here is a good example of where i wanted to take these things. the problem i ran into was that i didn't know how to. which isn't to say that i didn't how to do what i wanted but that i couldn't conceive of what i wanted to do. so, i kept putting it off until that stroke of inspiration would finally come...
it never came, and is now lost.
there will be a second version of this; how far in the future that will be, i cannot say. i think a part of me wants to wait until i'm older and is happy i now have the excuse to do that. for now, though, i'm closing down this project, restricting it to this short ep and an album of unrealized dreams.
recorded in the first part of 2001. initially released as a bandcamp upload in august, 2010. re-released on january 18, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - classical and electric guitars, ebow, effects, organ, synthesizers, sound design, sampling, sequencing, drum programming, vocals, digital wave editing
original authors forgotten. please contact if you recognize these pieces.
released may 10, 2001
i would have laughed at you if you would have told me i'd be sitting here, thirteen years later, lamenting the fact that i never recorded these pieces. yet, here i am.
there's not really a good reason why i never recorded these. i just didn't. it's true that i was distracted by other projects, and that i wanted to make sure they were perfectly imperfect before i let them out. that doesn't explain why i never bothered demoing them, or even just recording them half-assed for historical purposes. alas...now they are gone...
i took classical guitar lessons for about a year from spring '00 to spring '01. by that time, i'd been playing guitar for almost ten years and had been through many years of blues and jazz training, albeit not for several years before then. i didn't want to go back to rock-era instruction, but i felt i could benefit from approaching the guitar with a different perspective. i also wanted to learn a little about counterpoint. so, we went with renaissance pieces to start off with (and which comprise this short offering) and more avant pieces by the likes of leo brouwer near the end.
a punk with a classical guitar is still a punk, just a punk with a classical guitar. throughout the experience, my cobain instincts and hendrix flairs overpowered any demands to play nicely. the truth is the guy i was paying absolutely despised me, but he also had a muted level of respect for somebody with the panache to actually think about even trying to pull this shit off. i caught him open-jawed a few times, as impressed as he was shocked.
there were almost twenty of these things written out. he'd present me with a score and i'd just go to town with it, scrawling notes all over it, changing chords, making up notation symbols, just whatever i thought sounded better. the results were a legitimate fusion of noise rock and classical guitar music in a way that stressed technical playing over atmospheres. what is present here is the very tip of this iceberg.
yet, i didn't want to just record them. i wanted to recreate them. the version of little suite that is here is a good example of where i wanted to take these things. the problem i ran into was that i didn't know how to. which isn't to say that i didn't how to do what i wanted but that i couldn't conceive of what i wanted to do. so, i kept putting it off until that stroke of inspiration would finally come...
it never came, and is now lost.
there will be a second version of this; how far in the future that will be, i cannot say. i think a part of me wants to wait until i'm older and is happy i now have the excuse to do that. for now, though, i'm closing down this project, restricting it to this short ep and an album of unrealized dreams.
recorded in the first part of 2001. initially released as a bandcamp upload in august, 2010. re-released on january 18, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - classical and electric guitars, ebow, effects, organ, synthesizers, sound design, sampling, sequencing, drum programming, vocals, digital wave editing
original authors forgotten. please contact if you recognize these pieces.
released may 10, 2001
RE: a quick request
From: stepmother's email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
When I start packing to move I will look for any other boxes of yours and will let you know if I find any.
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
When I start packing to move I will look for any other boxes of yours and will let you know if I find any.
RE: windsor
From: stepmother's email address
To: death.to.koalas@gmail.com
Well I am glad you are settled and able to do the things you enjoy!
To: death.to.koalas@gmail.com
Well I am glad you are settled and able to do the things you enjoy!
Re: Hey.
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle
now? the first few months here were up and down, but i'm currently actually probably more content than i've ever been. i'm not using this address much, though. i'm more responsive at death.to.koalas@gmail.com.
j
To: the surviving uncle
now? the first few months here were up and down, but i'm currently actually probably more content than i've ever been. i'm not using this address much, though. i'm more responsive at death.to.koalas@gmail.com.
j
Re: windsor
From: Jessica Murray [mailto:dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com]
To: stepmother's email address
hi.
i wasn't checking this address at all after i moved in. i think i needed some space. so, i was sort of ignoring the channel of communication, but not anybody specifically. i'm using my other address (death.to.koalas@gmail.com) more frequently.
it's been sort of mixed over the last few months. the first little bit was difficult, but i had a lot of things to keep my mind focused on. i had to get the shower replaced, for example. the landlord did that.
he's pretty good, considering it's a divey place in windsor. he inherited a big chunk of money from his family's concrete business as well as responsibility over his slightly autistic brother and more autistic niece. they live upstairs. he's got three other units in the place rented out to cover costs, which basically means property taxes. so, i lucked out in finding a landlord that's not really interested in maximizing profit on the unit. one of the things we agreed upon is no rent increases, for example. that makes the living arrangement very stable, so long as i can continue to find a reasonable source of income. this is a huge two-bedroom basement apartment that is roughly similar in size and layout to the entire basement on arnot (knock the wall behind the tv down, put a kitchen in the back room and separate out the two bedrooms and it's virtually identical) for $650.
at the moment, i think i'm fairly content. i've been focusing a lot on music and reading - the things i really care about. i don't know anybody here, but i'm introverted enough that i'm not all that concerned about it.
regarding the city itself, it's sort of weird. i'm used to having everything located downtown and didn't think that there might be a city that's arranged the other way around. in windsor, everything is in the suburbs. so, if i want to get to a store to get anything that's not groceries, i need to take a bus ride. what used to be the main street through the italian district (i'm just north of little italy and just south of a mostly arabic district) is now mostly boarded up. you can really see the effects of the urban decay. the downtown core is mostly dilapidated buildings that are decades beyond the point of repair and would be torn down if the property they're on was worth anything and instead are a mix of dying businesses and low-rent apartments. there are little pockets of upkept buildings, but the reality is that the city would actually benefit massively from a huge fire.
i'm kind of more interested in the music scene in detroit than i am in windsor in any way. i haven't bothered getting a phone yet, which has made it impossible for me to get across the border. first i have to get a phone number (and i'll probably finally get a pay-as-you-go internet phone in the next few weeks), then i have to get a nexus card. i can't get a passport because i'd need a ridiculous 6 references. the nexus card is for "low risk travelers". but they won't just let you across for the day with a birth certificate like they used to, and like i sort of assumed they would. so i can't really say how much i like the city yet because i don't feel i've really experienced it. i made it out to a punk show in october, but windsor isn't the destination that most of the bands coming through here that i'm interested in are going to pick (although the casino here will sometimes outbid detroit for moderately large acts that don't want to enter downtown detroit).
regarding the safety of detroit? i don't know yet. i've read some things that suggest that there are areas to avoid but, overall, it's not any worse than any other major city - so long as you avoid those areas. i can't think i look like much of a target. and most of the destinations i have circled require going through the core on a bus. so i get the impression it'll probably be fine. i guess i'll find out, though.
i think i'm legitimately happy, here, though. the whole arrangement plays into my introversion and is maximizing my ability to be creative.
j
To: stepmother's email address
hi.
i wasn't checking this address at all after i moved in. i think i needed some space. so, i was sort of ignoring the channel of communication, but not anybody specifically. i'm using my other address (death.to.koalas@gmail.com) more frequently.
it's been sort of mixed over the last few months. the first little bit was difficult, but i had a lot of things to keep my mind focused on. i had to get the shower replaced, for example. the landlord did that.
he's pretty good, considering it's a divey place in windsor. he inherited a big chunk of money from his family's concrete business as well as responsibility over his slightly autistic brother and more autistic niece. they live upstairs. he's got three other units in the place rented out to cover costs, which basically means property taxes. so, i lucked out in finding a landlord that's not really interested in maximizing profit on the unit. one of the things we agreed upon is no rent increases, for example. that makes the living arrangement very stable, so long as i can continue to find a reasonable source of income. this is a huge two-bedroom basement apartment that is roughly similar in size and layout to the entire basement on arnot (knock the wall behind the tv down, put a kitchen in the back room and separate out the two bedrooms and it's virtually identical) for $650.
at the moment, i think i'm fairly content. i've been focusing a lot on music and reading - the things i really care about. i don't know anybody here, but i'm introverted enough that i'm not all that concerned about it.
regarding the city itself, it's sort of weird. i'm used to having everything located downtown and didn't think that there might be a city that's arranged the other way around. in windsor, everything is in the suburbs. so, if i want to get to a store to get anything that's not groceries, i need to take a bus ride. what used to be the main street through the italian district (i'm just north of little italy and just south of a mostly arabic district) is now mostly boarded up. you can really see the effects of the urban decay. the downtown core is mostly dilapidated buildings that are decades beyond the point of repair and would be torn down if the property they're on was worth anything and instead are a mix of dying businesses and low-rent apartments. there are little pockets of upkept buildings, but the reality is that the city would actually benefit massively from a huge fire.
i'm kind of more interested in the music scene in detroit than i am in windsor in any way. i haven't bothered getting a phone yet, which has made it impossible for me to get across the border. first i have to get a phone number (and i'll probably finally get a pay-as-you-go internet phone in the next few weeks), then i have to get a nexus card. i can't get a passport because i'd need a ridiculous 6 references. the nexus card is for "low risk travelers". but they won't just let you across for the day with a birth certificate like they used to, and like i sort of assumed they would. so i can't really say how much i like the city yet because i don't feel i've really experienced it. i made it out to a punk show in october, but windsor isn't the destination that most of the bands coming through here that i'm interested in are going to pick (although the casino here will sometimes outbid detroit for moderately large acts that don't want to enter downtown detroit).
regarding the safety of detroit? i don't know yet. i've read some things that suggest that there are areas to avoid but, overall, it's not any worse than any other major city - so long as you avoid those areas. i can't think i look like much of a target. and most of the destinations i have circled require going through the core on a bus. so i get the impression it'll probably be fine. i guess i'll find out, though.
i think i'm legitimately happy, here, though. the whole arrangement plays into my introversion and is maximizing my ability to be creative.
j
a quick request
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: stepmother's email address
hi.
i hear you're moving soon. i know you've indicated to me that there aren't any extra boxes around, and that some things were damaged in the backyard on lexington and consequently discarded, but i'd just like to reiterate that i am missing a number of things that are important to me and that if you do find anything that you believe belongs to me i'd appreciate it if you contact me about shipping here instead of discarding it. i'm still holding out hope that there's a specific box of papers, books and posters that's hiding under a staircase somewhere or something.
i also lent my father a book about game theory, called "game theory and strategy". the author is philip straffin. i lent it to him before i packed anything up, so it would have probably just have been sitting out on his bookshelf. if that's around, it would be nice to have it returned as well.
j
To: stepmother's email address
hi.
i hear you're moving soon. i know you've indicated to me that there aren't any extra boxes around, and that some things were damaged in the backyard on lexington and consequently discarded, but i'd just like to reiterate that i am missing a number of things that are important to me and that if you do find anything that you believe belongs to me i'd appreciate it if you contact me about shipping here instead of discarding it. i'm still holding out hope that there's a specific box of papers, books and posters that's hiding under a staircase somewhere or something.
i also lent my father a book about game theory, called "game theory and strategy". the author is philip straffin. i lent it to him before i packed anything up, so it would have probably just have been sitting out on his bookshelf. if that's around, it would be nice to have it returned as well.
j
re: sheet music
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister's email address
yes. those are the books.
actually, with the box of books, i think she may have taken it upon herself to take the books back that she thought belonged to her father or brother. this is partly why i was thinking the piano books may have made their way to you. she didn't *just* rebox, she took some stuff out in the process. see, i make lists of everything, so i have a list of books. i can compare. i've noticed a weak correlation between missing books and books that i picked up from her dad's basement after he died. some of them were actually her fathers, including some old translated soviet propaganda that i found quite interesting, as well as a copy of the republic, and some of them weren't - like the machiavelli, for example, or the iliad. but the theme of missing books seems to be "old books that she thought (sometimes correctly and sometimes incorrectly) were her fathers". excluding the old soviet propaganda, it's all stuff i can pick up for a few bucks at a garage sale or a used store.
unfortunately, the sheet music is both irreplaceable and worthless. the sad thing is that this is the case for most of the things that are missing. my old retired shirts are missing. i can't replace those and they're worth nothing. i can't replace a sketch that sarah drew of me playing guitar. i can't replace my "Certificate of Provenance" from coil, or the mogwai poster, or these other sorts of things that are gone.
*shrug*.
j
To: sister's email address
yes. those are the books.
unfortunately, the sheet music is both irreplaceable and worthless. the sad thing is that this is the case for most of the things that are missing. my old retired shirts are missing. i can't replace those and they're worth nothing. i can't replace a sketch that sarah drew of me playing guitar. i can't replace my "Certificate of Provenance" from coil, or the mogwai poster, or these other sorts of things that are gone.
*shrug*.
j
re: sheet music
From: sister's email address
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
Did they look like these? I'm missing the whole set...(well, I've bought some of them over the years, but definitely not all the ones I had). They had some personal momentos (Ottawa Music Academy certificates) and notes in them that I wanted to keep as well. That sucks that they're gone for good.
Did I ever tell you that when they moved out of Normandy while I was in CHEO that she got rid of ALL of my books, CDs, as well as THREE leather trenchcoats and a bunch of clothes that I had? Never got an apology for that one either.
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
Did they look like these? I'm missing the whole set...(well, I've bought some of them over the years, but definitely not all the ones I had). They had some personal momentos (Ottawa Music Academy certificates) and notes in them that I wanted to keep as well. That sucks that they're gone for good.
Did I ever tell you that when they moved out of Normandy while I was in CHEO that she got rid of ALL of my books, CDs, as well as THREE leather trenchcoats and a bunch of clothes that I had? Never got an apology for that one either.
re: sheet music
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister's email address
the stuff was in there over the winter. the snow melted. it flooded. the reboxing occurred as a result of the flooding.
she's already indicated that she threw out "old boxes", "moldy binders" and "destroyed papers". i've realized since that she threw out at least one large box of books (because i'm missing a few text books, and some stuff by machiavelli, and other things).
i didn't really pay a lot of attention to the piano books. they were very elementary - grades 1, 2, 3. i think they were purple and pink. they had cubes or something on the front. i think i was going to give them to sarah for her kids, as she had an old piano in her living room, but they never found their way there.
ugh. taliban jackie strikes again. no use dwelling on it.
j
To: sister's email address
the stuff was in there over the winter. the snow melted. it flooded. the reboxing occurred as a result of the flooding.
she's already indicated that she threw out "old boxes", "moldy binders" and "destroyed papers". i've realized since that she threw out at least one large box of books (because i'm missing a few text books, and some stuff by machiavelli, and other things).
i didn't really pay a lot of attention to the piano books. they were very elementary - grades 1, 2, 3. i think they were purple and pink. they had cubes or something on the front. i think i was going to give them to sarah for her kids, as she had an old piano in her living room, but they never found their way there.
ugh. taliban jackie strikes again. no use dwelling on it.
j
re: sheet music
From: sister's email address
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
Which of my old piano books are you talking about, because I AM missing a bunch of my old piano books, and could never figure out where the hell they went. I have bought many replacements over the years from book shops and library sales. I don't have any guitar sheet music at all, but I also don't think there was ever a flood in the shed; are you referring to the shed on Lexington (3)? Everything was packed up into expensive banker boxes for you there, was it not? All I know is that all your stuff ended up in the garage in Findlay Creek, except for the electronics, which were kept in the basement. If you are missing electronic stuff, the stepmother would be the person to talk to about that, as it is possible that some little stuff like that was overlooked in the moving process. She is moving in the next few months, however, so I would get in touch with her about it sooner than later.
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
Which of my old piano books are you talking about, because I AM missing a bunch of my old piano books, and could never figure out where the hell they went. I have bought many replacements over the years from book shops and library sales. I don't have any guitar sheet music at all, but I also don't think there was ever a flood in the shed; are you referring to the shed on Lexington (3)? Everything was packed up into expensive banker boxes for you there, was it not? All I know is that all your stuff ended up in the garage in Findlay Creek, except for the electronics, which were kept in the basement. If you are missing electronic stuff, the stepmother would be the person to talk to about that, as it is possible that some little stuff like that was overlooked in the moving process. She is moving in the next few months, however, so I would get in touch with her about it sooner than later.
sheet music
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister's email address
i'm missing a great deal of sheet music. the stuff that's important to me is the stuff i marked up when taking classical guitar lessons at the end of 2000 and into 2001. that was a long time ago, but i always meant to record some of those marked up pieces when i had the time to do it. that never happened (well, i got two done, and have a midi version of a third). but, i'm running through my recordings and would like to complete this now, if i could.
of course, i don't remember any of the parts and it would certainly sound different now than it did then, but we can surprise ourselves in the way music comes back to us.
some of them were renaissance guitar pieces, others were celtic jigs and others were by people like leo brouwer. they've been scribbled over to the point that i'm the only person that could at all remotely understand any of it. you really couldn't miss them, if you have them.
and i think you might have them. the truth is a lot of things went missing. i had some electronics in boxes that may have been deduced to be empty and weren't. so, i lost a router and roland keys and other things. there were other boxes that may have been thrown out due to getting destroyed in the flood in the shed.
i'm hoping that's not what happened to the sheet music, though. it would have been packaged up together in a plastic bag or small box with the other sheet music, which included a bunch of your old piano books. i don't remember how i got those old piano books. i think you had decided you were going to throw them out, and i ended up with them instead. if you ended up with those old books, you ended up with the sheet music.
i would greatly appreciate it if you could return that sheet music to me if you do have it. if not, i guess it got destroyed by the water in the shed.
j
To: sister's email address
i'm missing a great deal of sheet music. the stuff that's important to me is the stuff i marked up when taking classical guitar lessons at the end of 2000 and into 2001. that was a long time ago, but i always meant to record some of those marked up pieces when i had the time to do it. that never happened (well, i got two done, and have a midi version of a third). but, i'm running through my recordings and would like to complete this now, if i could.
of course, i don't remember any of the parts and it would certainly sound different now than it did then, but we can surprise ourselves in the way music comes back to us.
some of them were renaissance guitar pieces, others were celtic jigs and others were by people like leo brouwer. they've been scribbled over to the point that i'm the only person that could at all remotely understand any of it. you really couldn't miss them, if you have them.
and i think you might have them. the truth is a lot of things went missing. i had some electronics in boxes that may have been deduced to be empty and weren't. so, i lost a router and roland keys and other things. there were other boxes that may have been thrown out due to getting destroyed in the flood in the shed.
i'm hoping that's not what happened to the sheet music, though. it would have been packaged up together in a plastic bag or small box with the other sheet music, which included a bunch of your old piano books. i don't remember how i got those old piano books. i think you had decided you were going to throw them out, and i ended up with them instead. if you ended up with those old books, you ended up with the sheet music.
i would greatly appreciate it if you could return that sheet music to me if you do have it. if not, i guess it got destroyed by the water in the shed.
j
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