my loan is upwards of $60,000 and it's growing, yearly, due to interest. i have not made a payment on the loan since 2008. i will be on disability for the rest of my life; the chances of a single payment on the loan, let alone full repayment of it, are 0%.
i need to reiterate: there is a zero percent chance that i will ever make a payment on the loan. ever.
i have been transparent with the system about this. the system agrees that i am permanently disabled, but disagrees that i am severely permanently disabled.
i made the choice a few months ago that continuing to fill out forms, only to have them rejected and then be asked to fill them out again, was simply not worth my time. i hate doctors. i've had enough of convincing the doctors to fill out the forms, then having the forms rejected and then having another department ask me to send the same forms.
the math here is not debatable; the system is just being incompetent. i receive $13320/year from disability payments, and pay $7920 of that out for rent - leaving me with $5400/year to pay for all other expenses, including food. that's $450/month. i have no further source of income.
the minimum payments on my student loan are $1400/month, most of which is interest. the trillium benefit, which they are going to hold, is around $60/month.
there is obviously no logic in reducing my income by $60/month to pay off a student loan, when the same student loan is charging me $1000/month in interest and i have been transparent that i am medically unable to work.
but, i just don't have the energy to fight the system any further. they can keep their $60/month - to what aim, nobody knows. even the people on the phone agree that this makes no sense.
the thing that would make sense would be for the government to look at the situation and realize that because i am disabled i can never pay back the loan, and because i am poor i should receive the subsidy. and, in fact, they have done that. but, the situation is supposedly not severe enough.
it's not even a question of severity, in my view. it's just a sadistic policy. that $60/month is useless in paying down my loan. it's about 5% of the monthly interest. it's not even close! but, it means quite a bit to me.
how much to me? well, $60/month is a show or two a month. about a show and a half, really, which means three every two months. that's how it's going to hit me.
i need to reiterate that it's just stupid, calvinist bullshit. it makes no sense as a loan recovery tactic. it only makes sense as a way to punish me for being disabled.
i'm convinced that a big part of the problem is that they have a private company on the collections, and they don't get paid unless they recover something. so, this kafkaesque mess is just a consequence of the decision to privatize collections, which atomizes the decision making process. nobody is looking at the situation from a distance. everybody is making isolated decisions, without talking to each other about it.
so, it may be true that it doesn't make sense to recover $60/month on a $1400/month minimum payment, with over $1000/month of it being interest. that's an obvious default situation - every month that goes by is costing taxpayers money, and withholding my tax refund doesn't help the situation (it just makes it worse, really). but, the company doesn't care. it just wants the $720.
again: that $720 is useless to anybody involved here except me. the only measurable outcome of this policy is that i will have less spending money.
should the situation continue as it is, my loan is just going to spiral out of control. but, i've done my due diligence: i've filled out the forms, i've got the doctor's notes. they decided to reject the documents. what else am i going to do but sit back and watch it grow? you can lead a horse to water...
it's mismanagement on their behalf. i accept no responsibility for the consequences.
in a few years it will be $100,000. it will probably reach $500,000. i'm curious if it can get to $1,000,000.
but, i'm a disabled person for life. i'm a ward of the state. it's just a meaningless number to me. whether i have a $50,000 debt i can never pay back or a $50,000,000 debt i can never pay back is a logically equivalent non-issue.
what's more important to me is the $60/month.
in the long run, the money will no doubt find it's way to me. they can't actually take your money. they can only hold it. eventually, they're going to have to figure out that that's not getting them anywhere and i'll get a cheque for the difference. in the mean time, it means less shows, which means less show vlogs.
a check for $3000 or something could be a new pc, at about the time that the one i've got is getting useless.
i mean, nothing is going to be different five years from now - nothing except the size of the number i'll never be able to pay back.
