You have replied to "Fridge" Ad on Kijiji

From: "Kijiji Canada" <donotreply@kijiji.ca>
To: <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

hi.

i'm interested in the fridge. are you able to deliver it? if not, how close to downtown are you? i'm going to call, but i just moved to town and don't have a phone yet so this is a better method of communication...

check-in

Jessica Amber Murray
how you doing?

ESA
Everything hurts

My jaw and cheeks hurt the most. Then my.chest

Jessica Amber Murray
are you waiting for care? you may be a heart attack risk. are they aware of that?

ESA
I dont know. Ill wait for them to come back, then ipl ask them

finding receipts

Jessica Amber Murray
could you get me a receipt for the moving van? i need it to claim for odsp. the office can't print off anything with a dollar amount, which is what i need.

mom
Yes... I can do that. I will actually get Don to make one for more. He did that for me when I moved.

Are you actually coming here at the end of the month? I could give you this receipt then...Or how will I send it...

I guess I can mail it to your address.

I will get him to make it this weekend.

Jessica Amber Murray
make it? i kind of need it to be real. how would he make a receipt? i don't seriously plan on coming back at the end of the month. do you have scan abilities? you could email it to me, and i could print it off.

mom
He used to move people...He has an old receipt book, and the stamper. It worked for me. I don't have scan abilities...But, I think Nanny does...Not sure though? I can just mail it to you.

Jessica Amber Murray
nana can scan it. it will take a while to mail it. i don't really want him to do that. can he get a real receipt? or, if he can't, can you make sure he makes the receipt the actual amount?

mom
I do have the original receipt...If you would prefer?

K...She is gone to the cottage for the weekend...But will get to her place on Monday then.

I will call her now...Don't think she has even left yet.

Jessica Amber Murray
yes, the original, please. i'm not even sure they'll refund me at all. it turns out it's a city thing, now. i don't want to get caught, really. just getting the actual amount would be very useful. i won't get it there until monday, anyways, so that's ok, if you can email it.

mom
I am chatting with her now. I will go to her apartment on Monday...

Jessica Amber Murray
thanks...

mom
OK... I will go to her place Monday afternoon, and the two of us duncehats will figure out how to do this!...LOL

Do you have any advice for us?

Jessica Amber Murray
it's pretty easy. just take an sd card or usb stick and put it in the side of the scanner. then click on scan in the front. it will scan it to the media. you can then take the media and put it in your computer. i think it only has an sd card, though. she probably has an sd card with her camera, but if you have one then you should bring it just in case.

mom
Oh Crap! I don't have a usb stick...But will buy one...Wanted one anyways.

Jessica Amber Murray
no, you need an sd card.

mom
I will get one at walmart over the weekend. What is an sd card?

You mean the card in a camera?

You are dealing with two duncehats here...

I think I can figure it out...I will research how to do it.

I can get on her computer and email it to you. My sd card is probably not compatible with her stuff...It is a really old obsolete camera. I think, I will just purchase the usb stick.

She seems to know how to scan...She just doesn't know how to email it to you...Bu, I know how to do that.

Jessica Amber Murray
no, i don't think there's a usb in there. either way, she has a brand new usb stick in her room. i think the only out is an sd card. i'd bring it just in case.

she'll probably use the sd in her camera.

mom
K...Don has one that his son's girlfriend gave him... I am going to retrieve it this weekend.

He doesn't even know what the heck it even is....I know where it is and am going to take it.

I will give it back to him...I am not a thief!...I will just borrow it without his knowledge...Cause he is such a strange bird anyways.

I think I have guilted him out so much that he is going to give me back the balance of the money that he tried to coerce...I will give it to you...That was what I wanted to do anyways. I wanted to give you some cash when I saw you...I am just so sad that it didn't work out that way...And he knows exactly how I feel about it now.

Re: Reply to your "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji

From: RLI
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

im so sorry. Someone came and picked it up this morning.

Reply to your "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: RLI

hi. just checking up on this?

j

it turns out that molly is a bit of a prankster

ESA
I got drugged last night. Ive been tripping on some strong psychadelic for the last 8 hours.

For two hours i was twitching and saying "im so confused" .... Apparently it was possibly this guy named craig who did it

I feel so incredibly aweful and terrified

The rest of the time i was just like rolllng on the floor freaking out

Jessica Amber Murray
wait, this was a non-consensual psychedelic trip? that's fucking horrific. of all the horrible jokes you could play on somebody, putting them on psychedelics without them knowing it is just about the lowest thing possible. these are serious drugs with profound effects, damn it! and you've indicated an aversion to this, ugh, that makes me twitchy fucking mad. i hope you had a friend or two around, because that could have had fucking scary, scary outcomes otherwise. i'm thinking like walking into traffic sort of thing... i don't know if you remember bumpers or not, it might be before your time, but it was a psychedelic/punk bar on bank. i spent an acid trip on the floor there once. there's a point where you sort of want to get up, but can't, it's like there's this weight pulling you down and you're just stuck and you just have to wait it out. that was really bad acid, though. ugh, ugh... have you figured something out about leroy yet?

ESA
Yeah m still sort of tripping...

Im freaking out in the very least.

there is absolutely nothing more triggering than that. God i was doing so well there for a while

I also did speed and mdma with etan

lenin thought it might be a bad reaction

But i was.like straight the fuck up hallucinating. For two hours i was completely lost in my head and couldnt get out.

Jessica Amber Murray
essentially all mdma/e you buy on the street is cut with an upper, usually speed, and you never know who is cutting it. that's why i won't do it. you really don't know what the fuck you're actually taking. mdma is broadly safe, but if they put too much speed in, you could overdose on it. i mean, i'd do mdma if i knew it was pure, but it's almost impossible to know. mdma is technically a hallucinogen, if it was the same night you might be able to blame it on that. or you might have bought something you didn't intend on buying...

ESA
The thing is that etan had the exact same as me. And it is technically a hallucinogen but not realllyyy

Acid is a hallucinogrn

It could have been ketamine.... but i wouldnt be tripping out like lsd, would i? I definitely had a k-hole experience though.

jess

!!!!!

AHHHH

why does everyone think i'm sleepi9ng with their boyfriends all the time

Jessica Amber Murray
well, you don't *really* know that etan took the same as you. i've never done k, so i don't know, but i have heard about tripping out on e. were they random hallucinations kind of thing? that's apparently the big difference - acid and shroom trips have a theme, whereas mdma trips are just like random, like it's the adhd of hallucinogens or something.

ESA
no like

I didn't know my name or where I was or anythjing

and I was twitching and completely incoherent for 2 hours

like unconscious almost

and then I was rolling around on the floor. I don't remember specific hallucination. it was more like entering a whole new realm.

so yeah, acid.

Jessica Amber Murray
that doesn't sound like acid to me, unless it was extremely concentrated. as far as hallucinogens go, it sounds more like something like peyote or some kind of rainforest drug. k doesn't sound like a bad hypothesis. ...and maybe it's just 'cause you're kinda friendly? i remember one day at an asylum party where you were all like 'jess, why doesn't he want to make out with me", and i was all like "Well, how long have you known him?" and you were like "a few hours", and we had a laugh. you're not shy about hitting on people...

ESA
hahaha

I forget who that was

anyways no. I was with lenin the whole time

but yeah there was this creepy dude who thought I was hot

and tried to drag me away from lenin

Jessica Amber Murray
people really scare me sometimes. you know, i still think i got drugged at mugshots a few weeks ago. i don't blackout like that from drinking cider and beer...that's a vodka thing... i'm glad you're safe and hope you're feeling better. a good sleep should throw most of it off.

ESA
I am not feeling better

and my friend's girlfriend is harassing me

saying that I deserved it for all the bad things I do to people

and because I sleep with everyone's boyfriends

Jessica Amber Murray
right. even if you did sleep with people's boyfriends, that's the definition of slut shaming and...ugh. i don't even.. fuck ottawa.

ESA
god im like completely shaky I can't type

she;s this activist woman too

she's such a cunt

and I never say that. I save that word for special occasions

Jessica Amber Murray
she sounds like she's a victim of patriarchal thinking. i admit it really bothers me to hear shit like that from women, more so than from men. like, what does she want? for you to wear a fucking A on your shirt? y'know? has she not thought it through...ugh... but, it's enforced thinking and blahblahblah...

ESA
yeah I called her out on it.

Jessica Amber Murray
good.

ESA
and she said that me wanting to smash the fuckers face in who did this wasn’t anti-oppressive or something

Jessica Amber Murray
i can't get much context out of what you’re saying, but i think you have a right to be upset for being told you deserved to be drugged. there's no context in which somebody deserves to be drugged, and the person that did it definitely deserves some kind of confrontation. there are a lot of problems that can't be solved by group hugs and discussion groups. the threat of force is something that is extreme, but sometimes it is necessary. in this case? it sounds malicious, and if it was i agree it deserves a beat down. at the VERY LEAST, she should have been able to realize that you're understandably a little bit fucking livid right now and that you might be making threats that you might think twice about later. empathy? not much there.

ESA
ugh

my insides feel like they're shaking.

its positively vomitrocious

yeah its basically fear + anger

mostly fear. like 'what if someone didn't drug me and im going crazy'

'this is going to fuck me up for a while. great another set back '

Jessica Amber Murray
i think it sounds like a really good reason to get the fuck out of ottawa. are you playing in montreal tonight?

ESA
I dont know... i feel so much worse

Jessica Amber Murray
somebody suggested going to the hospital. erin, if you feel that's a good idea then you shouldn't second doubt it.

ESA
I cant get up

I keep fallig over

Jessica Amber Murray
erin, i want you to think very carefully: should you call an ambulance?

ESA
Well my dad is here. Im not sure.

Not sure if i have to go. They would just test my bloodd

Jessica Amber Murray
ok. i'm glad your dad is there. they might pump your stomach...

ESA
Idont get it. I took one pill of speed, and one pill of mdmq.

M y.cheecks are super swollen too. Like i was biting them

Im so fucking terrrified. This feeling wont go away

Jessica Amber Murray
you may have been clenching your teeth from the speed. swollen cheeks sounds like a possible allergic reaction, though.

ESA
What? They hurt though.

Jessica Amber Murray
have you ever done meth before? (i'm asking this for a reason)

ESA
Yeah by accident

Jessica Amber Murray
did you have a negative reaction to it?

ESA
No

I think i was.biting my cheeks hard

The swollen bits are right by my molars

Jessica Amber Murray
swelling is apparently a common reaction to a meth overdose.

and meth is often spliced with e. if you took meth + e + speed...

ESA
Yeh

Jessica Amber Murray
are you getting unusual heart rates?

ESA
Yeah.

It would maybe be.like 82 on a metronome

God this is disturbing.

Jessica Amber Murray
a musician's response...i'm sorry, i have a very lucid sense of humour. i think you should get to a hospital. meth overdoses can come on slowly. and they can be fatal.

ESA
Really? Dont you have to be taking yhe drug?

Jessica Amber Murray
well, you'd have to take meth to overdose from it, yeah. it kind of sounds like you did.

ESA
Yeah but im not taking it now

Supposed to play in montreal......

my band mate is mad at me. She says i was being irresponsible.

Jessica Amber Murray
The thing about meth is different users have a different threshold for intoxication. Overdosing on Methamphetamine has many underlying factors, cocktails of other drugs, complications due to chronic use, general health, body mass etc. The threshold for lethal intoxication may vary depending on the individual. The reaction in most cases is delayed it doesn't come on as the drug is being smoke but after, an unexpected cardiac episode, heart attack or stroke can strike with little warning. What to look out for Sudden onset high temperature from dehydration and heat build up in the body. Dilated pupils and convulsions. Muscle/Chest pain. Sweating, rapid breathing, increased heart rate and blood pressure. In circumstances when you think an overdose has occurred, give fluids, rap them in a cold blanked dampened if necessary and call an ambulance. Obviously CPR in extreme cases. Overdose can occur with a single use so never be complacent.

i'm not trying to be alarmist, it's just...that's kind of what it sounds like and i want you to be aware that meth overdoses can happen well after consumption.

i think you need to worry about your health right now, not whether you were being irresponsible.

ESA
Yeah

Jessica Amber Murray
The less dangerous effect of methamphetamine psychosis is a confused, disoriented state. Meth users may repeat the same common action over and over again, such as repeatedly washing their hands or arranging and rearranging everyday objects. They may also experience tactile hallucinations where they feel bugs crawling on them, or feel something moving under their skin. But methamphetamine psychosis can also bring about extremely violent, destructive behavior. Users may have frightening visual hallucinations, such as seeing wild animals or armed aggressors coming to attack them. Meth addicts often suffer from paranoia and become convinced they are surrounded by enemies. They often hear voices, which commonly command violent or aggressive behavior, and they can react to their hallucinations with intense aggression. Meth psychosis can commonly last for days after the last dose of methamphetamine was taken. In some cases it lasts for weeks or even years.

ESA
Ambulance is here

Jessica Amber Murray
i don't want to say "good", but...

good luck? let me know when things settle down?

my battery is out, so i need to go home to charge, and i'm going to lose internet access. but i'll be back in about an hour...

i’ve got a whole eco-system out here on my front porch. that lady seems to like feeding everything in sight: alley cats, squirrels, little birds. it’s been sort of idyllic and peaceful to sit outside amongst all the different little animals, but reality just asserted itself: i saw a hawk swoop down this morning. i think it was a hawk, anyways. i didn’t get a good look at it, just saw the back of it from the side of my eye as it tactically avoided a fence. it may have been an owl, but it definitely wasn’t a pigeon or a gull. i actually haven’t seen a single pigeon or gull yet, strangely….

there were four kittens here, at one point, though. now there’s three. in fact, i only saw two this morning.

well, that’s what happens when you attract a little wildlife sanctuary, i guess. the next logical step is coyotes. coyotes nowadays are sort of not coyotes anymore, though. they’ve been tracking a lot of interbreeding between coyotes and wolves in eastern north america over the last few decades. it has become strong enough of a phenomenon that there’s been talk of a hybridization event. the way it’s working itself out is that a large amount of wolf dna is trickling down into the coyote population. we’d like to hope for the best in such a thing, but evolution has a wily (sorry) character: what we’re seeing develop is a type of canid that has the physical strength and increased killing power of a wolf and the general lack of fear of humans of a coyote. the most adapted traits of each, naturally. so, they’re bigger, stronger and more dangerous coyotes. it’s one thing to talk about moving into their territory, and human encroachment may be driving the hybridization, but the reality is that they’re moving back into the cities and causing some problems. well, you didn’t think that all the wildlife we’re destroying wouldn’t adapt and put up a fight, did you? just a little check on your anthropocentric preconceptions, there. it’s going to require a little bit of careful thinking to try and find a way to co-exist with these more aggressive coyotes (or coywolves). these are predator species. they may be smart enough to know not to attack you directly, especially if there are other things around to eat, including out of garbage bins, but they *are* going to eat your cat if you let it out.

i should clarify that i haven’t seen one yet, and i don’t want to be alarmist about it. wolves have definitely been on the other end of a lot of alarmism. it doesn’t change the trend that’s developing and the need for some kind of humane strategy, though. what i saw today was an avian predator.

…but back to the cats. there were initially three very small ones and a slightly older one. i don’t think the bigger one is a mother because she looks like a kitten, too. i could be wrong, though. cats actually breed fairly young, don’t they? i remember reading something a while back that compared them to rabbits (thereby strengthening my rodentia hypothesis), but i don’t really know. anyways, the bigger one has been a little more brave and the smaller ones seem to be following along a little. they still haven’t come over to say hi yet but i think they’re at least used to me now…

alley cats seem to be a different kind of animal in the sense that they’re not really attracted to the idea of human affection. the big one seems to be holding out that i may have some kind of food for it, and i ultimately don’t think it’s likely that it’s going to come towards me unless i offer it some. that’s all humans are good for, i guess. personally, i’m rather insulted, and am not planning on resorting to bribery for the purposes of building a friendship. the kitty shall come out of sincere and legitimate interest or not at all…

it’s scoping me out, though, in the sense that it has figured out that i live on the other side of the basement windows. i’ve caught it peering in. it’s actually a bit of a process of doing a set of rounds: whenever i come in the door, it goes over to the front window to observe me, and then to the next and the next until it’s been all the way around. perhaps that’s my territory, if you will. well, it was there first! that’s fair. it will come right up to the window and has even pawed a few times, but scatters off the moment i open it…

i think there’s a sort of irony, there. i’m the one on the other side of the glass.

Re: Reply to your "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: RLI

sorry for the late response, i don't have stable internet either. wasn't expecting that fast a response...

i hope you still have it! any time today (friday the 16th) is good. i'll make sure i'm checking email more frequently.

j

mom
Are you there? Just wanna get that jerk off my ass.

Told him he can stuff money he dishonestly procured unscrupulously from me up his ass...If he needs it that badly....I just want him out of my life!

I deplore him with every cell of my being.

I could be a real bitch...But, I just don't want to have to deal with him anymore. He is relentless about his property!....He has already threatened me...I just want to give him back his and walk away...

I personally believe that if he never gets it back and has to purchase a new one...It is about the same amount that he dishonestly stole from me...So retributive justice is what he should get...I believe in it so strongly....But not at a price that I have to end up paying for...My Peace Of Mind...

He will get his just recompense, exactly what he deserves in the end....I have faith on that one.

He will miss me, but, I will not miss him....I am free!

I vow to remain single for the rest of my life.

Re: Reply to your "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji

From: RLI
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

please let me know when you get a moment as Im still having inquiries...

Re: Reply to your "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji

From: RLI
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

we'll give it to you for $70 including delivery...

would you like it tonight?

Re: Reply to your "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: RLI

that sounds like a deal.

j

some more progress on cleaning

you should have seen it before. the knobs were...well, i thought their natural colour was the same brown as the lighter shade, there. was shocked that they were actually white. i'm not sure what works and what doesn't, actually. the breaker is off. the guy said it works, though. again: i only really need the big one, although it would be nice to have at least two. i'm waiting until i have a full list of things for him to do before i get a hold of him. tomorrow, probably, or the next day. i only want him to come down here once sort of thing....

progress on cleaning

got all of the paint and shit off. except, i missed a spot.

Re: Reply to your "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji

From: RLI
To: <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

Hello, If you pay the full $69 I can see if my hubby can help move it...
       
He may ask for an additional 10 for gas?

You have replied to "FRIGIDAIRE - Fridge Good Condition!!!" Ad on Kijiji

From: "Kijiji Canada" <donotreply@kijiji.ca>
To: <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

hi..

i'm pretty close to you (just on marion st, a little south of wyandotte). i can't pick it up or move it by myself, but considering it's so close do you think you could just help me carry it a few blocks and down into the basement?

i just moved here and don't have a phone yet, but i have an open availability so if you send me a time and date i can arrange around that.

i like the concept of a dream pool, but i know it’s bullshit

no. see...

if you just died in somebody's arms tonight, you can't be singing a song. you're dead. fucking hair metal. utterly incoherent nonsense....

it took me a few days to realize it and get used to the "new" furniture (new for me, anyways), but i've actually had recurring nightmares about the place i just moved into. how's that for creepy? strangely enough, the layout of the place leaves little room for doubt that there's some kind of connection. it's an old building, and marketed today as a two bedroom apartment, but the fact that the second bedroom has a separate entrance almost parallel to the front entrance (i'm using it as a laundry out) and no closet sort of highly suggests it was once a slave (or at least a paid servant) residence. point being: it's not an apartment layout you'd ever see in ottawa, which doesn't really have a history of slavery or indentured servitude or anything of the type (it is a city that was built too recently), excluding the obvious colonial thievery...

recurring dreams are supposed to be based on things you've seen or experienced. i suppose i could have seen an apartment layout like this in a movie. i can't remember which one it might have been, though, and, considering i don't really engage in the medium, that itself seems a little far-fetched.

so, based on those recurring nightmares, it seems like i'm probably going to get hunted down in this apartment at some point. fine. i just hope i have time to get some work done first....

i have a lot of recurring dreams, i think most of us do, but it's usually stuff from the past that i can identify as trying to work something out that was never worked out properly. i think that's pretty normal stuff. yes: i'm absolutely skeptical about whether any of us can analyze dreams properly (i'll freely write off the *content* of the analysis of dreams as pseudo-science), but i think the *idea* is roughly correct. i do agree that there's some kind of processing that happens in dreams, and i'll absolutely sit down and give trying to understand the dream a shot, even if i remain skeptical about the actual analysis.

this is one of a handful that i've never been able to put into any kind of context, though. again, it might seem a little uncharacteristic for me to talk about dreams producing prophecies. not science, j. right. well...

i don't really accept the concept of free will. i see the universe sort of like one of those domino games, where a series of explosions set a bunch of things off and we're just mindlessly following through with them. so, i think the future of the universe is already determined. that doesn't necessarily require a creator; it's an analogy, there aren't literally dominoes. i'd consider a couple of slabs of energy smashing into each other and creating a reaction to be sufficient to set off a set of chain reactions. further levels of abstraction may still defy my mind, but i don't think we need to bring in any heavy machinery to explain our singular universe and what happens in it, anyways....

that may seem like a classical view, but it isn't entirely. the statistical approach has to do with predicting what is going to happen, rather than what actually does happen. just because we can't predict how an atom is going to bounce around doesn't mean there's any actual randomness in it. i think a lot of people get confused by this point. there is an obscure interpretation that takes this position, but it's generally discarded because it's not local.

so, if i think we live in a pre-determined and fatalistic universe, why couldn't dreams tap into the pre-determined future somehow? i don't claim to understand the how, but this is a pretty heavy coincidence...

as it is, i'm living out this experiment. if i'm killed in this basement by a knife attack by somebody that breaks in the back door and catches me as i'm turning the corner out of the studio...

see, here's the thing: move out, right? no. just setting off the inevitable.

RE: things that are missing

From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

I do not wish to discuss this anymore. I did clean up the basement the other day and there were no more of your things down there.....And I rechecked the garage and again nothing.

Again, I do not believe your sister would take anything. It would also be very hard to remove musical instruments without me or your dad noticing.

So do what you think is necessary , but again I do not believe your sister would take anything!

it's very important that you're absolutely sure there's nothing left there

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address

hi again.

i will be compiling a list of items that may have potentially be stolen by my sister. it's very important that you check to make sure that there was nothing left there, so that i do not accuse her of stealing things that she didn't steal.

also, on that note, i should point out that i took your extra fan out of the closet in the computer room. i wasn't sure if it was mine or yours; i knew i had a fan of that make and model, but wasn't sure if i took to your place or not. as you had two fans, i deduced it was probably mine. as it turns out, my fan was packed with my things and the fan did belong to you. i apologize for that. there was also a bag of usb and network cords that i wasn't sure were mine or yours. i'm still not sure if they were mine or yours, but i figured at the very least that you would probably not have much use for them, whereas i can always use extra cords for the pile of electronic equipment i have. if they were yours, i apologize for that as well. there were around five cords in the bag.

thinking closely, some things may have fallen behind or underneath the bookcase beside the computer that i put things on. actually, on both sides of the computer - there was also the little structure with onions and stuff in it that things may have fallen behind. i vaguely recall looking, but i was in a bit of a stress-induced haze that weekend and am not sure if i looked closely or not. could you look behind those two structures as well?

one thing i'm pretty certain is around there somewhere is a usb camera. i think i had packed it in the green bag, and even remember pulling it out at your place, but now i can't find it. it's not worth much, but if you find it then please let me know.

j

Re: things that are missing

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address

the thing is that nothing was worth much individually, but when you add up 75 or 100 things worth less than $20 (even if a lot of it is only worth $2-3), it gets expensive quickly. some of the things i can't find (like a pizza cutter) aren't really even important. other things (like the coffee maker) sort of are. i can't afford to just go to the store and repurchase everything.

i guess i'll just have to accept that some things are lost. it's disappointing, but what can i do. i wish you would have asked before you threw things out, though. i could have washed the mold off those things, especially the shirts.

...and i'm certainly missing a mandolin and a 12-string. the 12-string was around until fairly recently, actually. dad and i were talking about taking it to folklore not much more than a few months ago. in fact, the topic came up the week before i left, although i don't know if it was still there by then or not.

unfortunately, i do think she would take the instruments. i also think she would take other things like the chess set. unfortunately, i think she would lie about it afterwards, too.

maybe i should point out that i don't have any interest in maintaining a relationship with my sister, either. i feel she's been very dishonest with me over many years. trust is very important to me, and it's been irrevocably broken. i have to expect that she will continue to lie to me, to steal things from me and to manipulate situations in ways that are not in my interests. all of the evidence i have to rely on points in this direction. this type of person is not somebody that i want to stay in contact with.

i actually have a list of over 100 items that i believe she stole out of the garage or the basement at some point. i don't think asking her about it further is productive because i expect her to lie about it. she already has lied about it.

that being said, i don't want to make any false accusations. i don't want to accuse her of stealing things that you discarded, for whatever reason. so, if it's possible to think back and try and create as substantial a list as is possible then that would be beneficial to both her and i in resolving this.

again, i apologize for having to do this, but i feel i am out of options. i think this should be last that you hear from me. so, good luck.

j