i've had a really off the wall month - i spent this week sick in bed and the week before it trying to work through what passing out in detroit and waking up in a stranger's car actually means. listening left off on the 6th. and, i'm several weeks behind on the alter-reality....
what i'm going to do this morning is catch up on the alter-reality, and i will post those updates here as they come in. i'll then need to finish up all the things i need to finish as quickly as i can finish them.
it's kind of important to me that i'm able to get over this hump and into the next phase by the end of this season. it's going to be tight. very tight. but, this is currently my goal.
the temperature is coming down over the weekend and i can't imagine we'll continue to get these kinds of hot days much further into autumn. so, i should also be able to move back into the other room - which i'm going to need to have filled up again by the summer to avoid this scenario happening again.
one thing at a time. alter-reality. real-life shit. then, back to listening. and on to finalizing my second record.
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Friday, September 16, 2016
i had the view count disabled...
57,000? what?
i have 4,000 views on youtube, guys. that's a pretty dramatic difference. you know i have a youtube page, right?
or a bandcamp site? in the description. pinned, even.
i got about 250,000 views with my dtk account over roughly two years (and 40,000 views on youtube). i've got 50,000 k here in almost a year, but only 4,000 views on youtube. that's half as much traffic, but a tenth of the views.
i get that my vlogs may be less interesting than my music. but, i want you to go to bandcamp to listen. youtube is useless to me, as a musician.
i'm more curious about why i have 60,000 views. what are people coming here for? the political analysis?
ok, you guys know these are only sketches, right? that the real political analysis is in the videos, right? i'm not just reading things verbatim. that is where i have the really interesting discussions of things, not here.
but, on another note? you could try interacting a little bit. i don't bite. well, at least not unless you ask.
(i actually do bite :P)
no, really. 60,000 views but no comments? c'mon. let me know who you are....
i mean, i suppose i could starting posting videos here, but that would be kind of silly, wouldn't it? every day, guys. 12:30 am...
57,000? what?
i have 4,000 views on youtube, guys. that's a pretty dramatic difference. you know i have a youtube page, right?
or a bandcamp site? in the description. pinned, even.
i got about 250,000 views with my dtk account over roughly two years (and 40,000 views on youtube). i've got 50,000 k here in almost a year, but only 4,000 views on youtube. that's half as much traffic, but a tenth of the views.
i get that my vlogs may be less interesting than my music. but, i want you to go to bandcamp to listen. youtube is useless to me, as a musician.
i'm more curious about why i have 60,000 views. what are people coming here for? the political analysis?
ok, you guys know these are only sketches, right? that the real political analysis is in the videos, right? i'm not just reading things verbatim. that is where i have the really interesting discussions of things, not here.
but, on another note? you could try interacting a little bit. i don't bite. well, at least not unless you ask.
(i actually do bite :P)
no, really. 60,000 views but no comments? c'mon. let me know who you are....
i mean, i suppose i could starting posting videos here, but that would be kind of silly, wouldn't it? every day, guys. 12:30 am...
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
a quick concert turned into a night of drinking (got a little paranoid walking home...)
there's really no meaningful review, here. i showed up a few minutes before they came on at the bar down the street, and they did a short set that was similar (if not identical) to the one i had seen a few months previously.
the reason i showed up on this night was more to send a message to the bar that this kind of music can bring in a crowd. the bar was far more lively than most shows i see there. unfortunately, most of that crowd left as they were playing.
i hadn't been out for a while, though, so i turned around from going home and instead found myself at a karaoke bar, where i ended up drinking too much.
the band suffered from a lack of monitors, and was clearly just trying to get through the set and move on. this is a very small bar, as you can see.
here is some footage from the show:
here is a full set from earlier in the year:
here is the vlog for the day:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/09/07.html
the reason i showed up on this night was more to send a message to the bar that this kind of music can bring in a crowd. the bar was far more lively than most shows i see there. unfortunately, most of that crowd left as they were playing.
i hadn't been out for a while, though, so i turned around from going home and instead found myself at a karaoke bar, where i ended up drinking too much.
the band suffered from a lack of monitors, and was clearly just trying to get through the set and move on. this is a very small bar, as you can see.
here is some footage from the show:
here is a full set from earlier in the year:
here is the vlog for the day:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/09/07.html
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
yeah.
i've decided to finally get rid of my testicles. if i can. this is not the sex change operation, which i simply don't want to do out of sequence. it would be done by now if i could find a way to fund electrolysis, but that will likely remain impossible for the foreseeable future. i just think it's crazy to try and get a full sex change while i'm still growing chin hair. and, there's a bureaucracy in canada that is actually unnecessarily restrictive - the process takes forever and rejects a lot of candidates. i wouldn't expect to be approved pre-electrolysis. but, i can't fund the electrolysis until i'm post-op. catch-22. the rational procedure is to go on hormones for a while, get the hair removal done and then get the testicles removed with the sex change. i'm just stuck at the hormone stage for financial reasons.
but, i'm getting restless. i see no conceivable way to fund the hair removal. and, i've just been on pause, waiting, for too long. i need a way forward.
the thing is that i may be able to get the testicle removal done under ohip. i don't know yet. it's ambiguous. but, if it's conceivable, i should do it. it's a next step that could be very positive.
why now?
what i'm noticing over the last four or five days (it's been building for the last few months....) is that i'm in need of a boost in dosage for the anti-androgens. this is after i just boosted my estrogen a few months ago. i'm getting to the point where dosage boosts may begin to get dangerous. and then what?
i think i should acknowledge that i have a choice: i can boost the anti-androgens (and keep up this arms war with my body), or i can just get my testicles taken out.
if i can do the latter, i should notice a lot of positive benefits:
1) i can go off the anti-androgens altogether.
2) reduced hair growth.
3) because the estrogen i take orally will no longer be fighting with the testosterone i produce naturally, it should be more effective.
i probably should have done this years ago. but, i figured i would eventually find a way to fund hair removal and do this in the usual order. and, the testosterone suppressors were working. they're starting to fade, and i don't want to just keep boosting dosages, so i need to take a different approach.
i'm going to have to talk to some doctors.
my argument is going to be that it's a path of least harm. and, i'll have to hope that they can find a way to get it covered.
fwiw, i have no interest in kids. that has little to do with gender identity - i made that choice when i was about 12. somebody talked me into freezing sperm once, but i don't even know if it's still in the freezer. or even care.
actually, it was that doctor in ottawa that got shut down for handing out the wrong sperm. so, i may have kids out there after all.
but, i'm just not remotely interested in spending any time at all with anybody under the age of 15 for any reason. sorry.
i've decided to finally get rid of my testicles. if i can. this is not the sex change operation, which i simply don't want to do out of sequence. it would be done by now if i could find a way to fund electrolysis, but that will likely remain impossible for the foreseeable future. i just think it's crazy to try and get a full sex change while i'm still growing chin hair. and, there's a bureaucracy in canada that is actually unnecessarily restrictive - the process takes forever and rejects a lot of candidates. i wouldn't expect to be approved pre-electrolysis. but, i can't fund the electrolysis until i'm post-op. catch-22. the rational procedure is to go on hormones for a while, get the hair removal done and then get the testicles removed with the sex change. i'm just stuck at the hormone stage for financial reasons.
but, i'm getting restless. i see no conceivable way to fund the hair removal. and, i've just been on pause, waiting, for too long. i need a way forward.
the thing is that i may be able to get the testicle removal done under ohip. i don't know yet. it's ambiguous. but, if it's conceivable, i should do it. it's a next step that could be very positive.
why now?
what i'm noticing over the last four or five days (it's been building for the last few months....) is that i'm in need of a boost in dosage for the anti-androgens. this is after i just boosted my estrogen a few months ago. i'm getting to the point where dosage boosts may begin to get dangerous. and then what?
i think i should acknowledge that i have a choice: i can boost the anti-androgens (and keep up this arms war with my body), or i can just get my testicles taken out.
if i can do the latter, i should notice a lot of positive benefits:
1) i can go off the anti-androgens altogether.
2) reduced hair growth.
3) because the estrogen i take orally will no longer be fighting with the testosterone i produce naturally, it should be more effective.
i probably should have done this years ago. but, i figured i would eventually find a way to fund hair removal and do this in the usual order. and, the testosterone suppressors were working. they're starting to fade, and i don't want to just keep boosting dosages, so i need to take a different approach.
i'm going to have to talk to some doctors.
my argument is going to be that it's a path of least harm. and, i'll have to hope that they can find a way to get it covered.
fwiw, i have no interest in kids. that has little to do with gender identity - i made that choice when i was about 12. somebody talked me into freezing sperm once, but i don't even know if it's still in the freezer. or even care.
actually, it was that doctor in ottawa that got shut down for handing out the wrong sperm. so, i may have kids out there after all.
but, i'm just not remotely interested in spending any time at all with anybody under the age of 15 for any reason. sorry.
again, i'm sorry, but i'm not trying to present a false image to sell t-shirts; i'm trying to document my life as a composer for the historical record. i had a messy week. the vlogs will reflect that. if that upsets you, too bad.
but you might want to get ready for it.
real life gets messy sometimes. and, i'm trying to keep it as real as i can.
but, i also need to be clear that there is only one character here, and it's me. i'll admit that this makes things a lot easier in terms of the dynamics of the thing. but, it actually also necessitates that i open up, because that's the entire point.
when your vlog is essentially a video-based journal, it doesn't make sense to be fake. it's real or it just doesn't exist.
maybe think of it like this: most vlogs are g rated sitcoms meant to run in the after school time slot. i'm aiming more for a late night cable drama, with an older and more mature audience.
i don't really know of any parallels.
but you might want to get ready for it.
real life gets messy sometimes. and, i'm trying to keep it as real as i can.
but, i also need to be clear that there is only one character here, and it's me. i'll admit that this makes things a lot easier in terms of the dynamics of the thing. but, it actually also necessitates that i open up, because that's the entire point.
when your vlog is essentially a video-based journal, it doesn't make sense to be fake. it's real or it just doesn't exist.
maybe think of it like this: most vlogs are g rated sitcoms meant to run in the after school time slot. i'm aiming more for a late night cable drama, with an older and more mature audience.
i don't really know of any parallels.
Monday, September 12, 2016
let's get some context, so i'm not confusing anybody.
i didn't die my hair red in some kind of act of protest against something. i died it red because i think i look sexy with red hair. so, let's post a few links of fiery red heads, for context.
i mean, if you saw me face to face, you'd see that. it's an issue of trying to communicate over the internet...
and, remember: i'm from the 90s.
the first awesome redhead that jumps to mind is tori amos. she rocks the red well: smart, sexy and ridiculously talented. but, also simultaneously violent and delicate. very put together, but also kind of broken. arguably the perfect representation of red headedness.
http://www.nndb.com/people/756/000025681/tori-amos.jpg
then, there is of course gillian anderson who is and will forever be dana scully. so, let's talk more about scully. again: smart. sexy. a very rational woman - she projects a lot of strength. but, she has her insecurities, too. perfect redhead.
i was a huge garbage fan in the 90s, and it's the same basic formula. the intelligence here always came out more as dry wit. she found a way to balance raw power with oozing femininity that was rare before and after her.
it's true, though: we hit a peak in the 90s. we've been slowly regressing since about 1998.
the funny thing is that i actually think that millennials would want to reverse the decline if they were aware of it. but, they actually seem to be - almost universally - convinced by the theory of progress. it's just bedrock, to them. they've been told their whole lives that things are getting better, and believe it as an article of faith, while being unable to see (and how could they? they have no context) that things are actually getting worse.
i have a math degree. i started off in physics. it might seem a little weird for me to cite the scully effect, and the way i experienced it is no doubt different than others, but her influence on me was not trivial.
http://www.yesmagazine.org/happiness/less-big-bang-theory-more-dana-scully
i didn't die my hair red in some kind of act of protest against something. i died it red because i think i look sexy with red hair. so, let's post a few links of fiery red heads, for context.
i mean, if you saw me face to face, you'd see that. it's an issue of trying to communicate over the internet...
and, remember: i'm from the 90s.
the first awesome redhead that jumps to mind is tori amos. she rocks the red well: smart, sexy and ridiculously talented. but, also simultaneously violent and delicate. very put together, but also kind of broken. arguably the perfect representation of red headedness.
http://www.nndb.com/people/756/000025681/tori-amos.jpg
then, there is of course gillian anderson who is and will forever be dana scully. so, let's talk more about scully. again: smart. sexy. a very rational woman - she projects a lot of strength. but, she has her insecurities, too. perfect redhead.
i was a huge garbage fan in the 90s, and it's the same basic formula. the intelligence here always came out more as dry wit. she found a way to balance raw power with oozing femininity that was rare before and after her.
it's true, though: we hit a peak in the 90s. we've been slowly regressing since about 1998.
the funny thing is that i actually think that millennials would want to reverse the decline if they were aware of it. but, they actually seem to be - almost universally - convinced by the theory of progress. it's just bedrock, to them. they've been told their whole lives that things are getting better, and believe it as an article of faith, while being unable to see (and how could they? they have no context) that things are actually getting worse.
i have a math degree. i started off in physics. it might seem a little weird for me to cite the scully effect, and the way i experienced it is no doubt different than others, but her influence on me was not trivial.
http://www.yesmagazine.org/happiness/less-big-bang-theory-more-dana-scully
j reacts to the ideological equivalence between mainstream and counter culture
when i say i reject the culture, that also means i reject the counter-culture, which is also the culture. i get this accusation from time to time that, because i don't reflect counter-cultural values, i must be some kind of faker that is really completely mainstream. what this does is set up a false binary between sanctioned culture and counter-culture, which is actually really just a choice between the culture and the culture. and, in fact, you're so brainwashed that you can't even fathom an alternative...
i actually really don't think that your "cool" emo/metal/hardcore/whatever band is any less stupid than anything you get from mass media. in a lot of cases, i think it's even more stupid. it's all designed for profit at the expense of expression or protest.
somebody that is really outside the culture will not create these kinds of distinctions, but rather reject them as illusory. what is the difference between taylor swift and evanescence? it's marketing. that's it, really. it's fundamentally the same product.
i'm less interested in what is mainstream or counter-cultural or rebellious or whatever else, and more interested in what is real and what isn't. unfortunately, for you, i may happen to be the one to burst your bubble and point out that the things you think are real are actually not.
i actually really don't think that your "cool" emo/metal/hardcore/whatever band is any less stupid than anything you get from mass media. in a lot of cases, i think it's even more stupid. it's all designed for profit at the expense of expression or protest.
somebody that is really outside the culture will not create these kinds of distinctions, but rather reject them as illusory. what is the difference between taylor swift and evanescence? it's marketing. that's it, really. it's fundamentally the same product.
i'm less interested in what is mainstream or counter-cultural or rebellious or whatever else, and more interested in what is real and what isn't. unfortunately, for you, i may happen to be the one to burst your bubble and point out that the things you think are real are actually not.
i just want to be clear that my primary intoxicant the other night was alcohol. marijuana does not produce blackouts and could not have done that to me no matter how much i smoked.
i had two rockstar vodkas, 6 shots of jager and 3 bottles of beer. i also had a few puffs. no more than that.
but, it wasn't even the booze that knocked me out. i can drink that on an average night. i've done that countless times and avoided the blackout. what knocked me out was that i didn't really sleep the night before.
i go over this in the vlog, but the important thing is not to avoid alcohol but to make sure that if you are going to get drunk then you don't drink heavily on an empty stomach and don't drink heavily on little sleep.
it will build up as the vlogs from the last week publish, but when i say i had almost no sleep it's no exaggeration. well, you can see it from the last few weeks. i simply haven't been sleeping well for the last few weeks. and, in fact i've only actually slept a few hours since i got home.
again: drinking is fun. sometimes. but, drinking on no sleep is dangerous.
i had two rockstar vodkas, 6 shots of jager and 3 bottles of beer. i also had a few puffs. no more than that.
but, it wasn't even the booze that knocked me out. i can drink that on an average night. i've done that countless times and avoided the blackout. what knocked me out was that i didn't really sleep the night before.
i go over this in the vlog, but the important thing is not to avoid alcohol but to make sure that if you are going to get drunk then you don't drink heavily on an empty stomach and don't drink heavily on little sleep.
it will build up as the vlogs from the last week publish, but when i say i had almost no sleep it's no exaggeration. well, you can see it from the last few weeks. i simply haven't been sleeping well for the last few weeks. and, in fact i've only actually slept a few hours since i got home.
again: drinking is fun. sometimes. but, drinking on no sleep is dangerous.
Sunday, September 11, 2016
i don't care about family entertainment. fuck your family...
i mean, you want to slap an 18+ on this? go ahead. i've actually already slapped a 30+ on it...
i think there's enough options for kids, guys. if you want to shelter them, i'm frankly in solidarity with them. you don't have the right.
there's just no pretense. and no reason there should be one.
i mean, you want to slap an 18+ on this? go ahead. i've actually already slapped a 30+ on it...
i think there's enough options for kids, guys. if you want to shelter them, i'm frankly in solidarity with them. you don't have the right.
there's just no pretense. and no reason there should be one.
i stopped by the emergency room this morning. there simply aren't any clinics open within walking distance of where i am. why? because it's sunday.
in 2016. no clinics open. because sunday. fuck. did i wake up in an amish country or what? wtf? weirder: most of the doctors around here are actually muslims. or come from muslim places. if your day of rest is saturday, why are you booking sunday off? isn't that supposed to be one of the benefits of being diverse about superstitions? that you can get them to stagger, so somebody is always open?
as an aside, the statement:
"i couldn't go to work today, because the bible said so."
...is just about the last thing i want to hear from a doctor.
i know. what is this the fucking spanish inquisition? well, that's my point! i hear that from a doctor and the next thing i want is a waiver indicating that i do not consent to bloodletting.
fuck...
so, i went to the emergency room instead. and, i feel i'm bloody well entitled to do it, too. i at least made sure to go at what is probably the deadest time of the day: 7:00 am on sunday morning. when the drunks are cleared out and everybody else is still asleep.
i bet you think i had a terrible wait time, right? that i was there for hours and hours and didn't even get to see the...
no. actually, i basically walked right in. i was in the hospital for less than an hour.
diagnosis: it's a bruise, not a clot. that's relieving.
see, i need you to think about this. i take the amount of estrogen in a single day that women on steady birth control will take in 2 months. 6 mg is 60x the dosage in your average birth control pill. and, they say merely taking birth control is a clot risk.
so, this is something i need to be keenly aware of at all times. and, it is the actual reason i quit smoking. note that i was smoking at the bar. hence, my concern was very well placed.
but, no. it's just a series of bruises. some of them make more sense than others.
i'm going to wait until i get the mri results before i get a test, because i could end up testing for lyme disease at the same time.
in 2016. no clinics open. because sunday. fuck. did i wake up in an amish country or what? wtf? weirder: most of the doctors around here are actually muslims. or come from muslim places. if your day of rest is saturday, why are you booking sunday off? isn't that supposed to be one of the benefits of being diverse about superstitions? that you can get them to stagger, so somebody is always open?
as an aside, the statement:
"i couldn't go to work today, because the bible said so."
...is just about the last thing i want to hear from a doctor.
i know. what is this the fucking spanish inquisition? well, that's my point! i hear that from a doctor and the next thing i want is a waiver indicating that i do not consent to bloodletting.
fuck...
so, i went to the emergency room instead. and, i feel i'm bloody well entitled to do it, too. i at least made sure to go at what is probably the deadest time of the day: 7:00 am on sunday morning. when the drunks are cleared out and everybody else is still asleep.
i bet you think i had a terrible wait time, right? that i was there for hours and hours and didn't even get to see the...
no. actually, i basically walked right in. i was in the hospital for less than an hour.
diagnosis: it's a bruise, not a clot. that's relieving.
see, i need you to think about this. i take the amount of estrogen in a single day that women on steady birth control will take in 2 months. 6 mg is 60x the dosage in your average birth control pill. and, they say merely taking birth control is a clot risk.
so, this is something i need to be keenly aware of at all times. and, it is the actual reason i quit smoking. note that i was smoking at the bar. hence, my concern was very well placed.
but, no. it's just a series of bruises. some of them make more sense than others.
i'm going to wait until i get the mri results before i get a test, because i could end up testing for lyme disease at the same time.
am i rationalizing?
the bruise on my ass is a scary size, now. if that was from fucking, it wasn't consensual. i'm going to the clinic in the morning to get a blood test, and check for clots.
i've never really contemplated whether rape kits can be used for possible anal penetration on a genetic male.
i wouldn't necessarily press charges. that's not exactly what i'm getting at. i know what the law says, and i support it as it is - it shouldn't be legal to have sex with a blacked out person. but, i also know how i get when i'm drunk....
the reality is that there's every reason for me to conclude i was probably all over him. i don't mean in the sense that i went across the bar to get him. i mean in the sense that...
...if somebody was in the room, they may very well have thought i was the one raping him.
i know that i'm like that. when i say i got fucked hard, that doesn't necessarily mean i was on the bottom.
i'm a girl. i fuck like a girl.
so, i mean...i can't know. i don't remember. i just don't. but, the doubt is pretty reasonable in my own mind given the evidence. i wouldn't want to jump to that conclusion.
but the bruise is out of control, too. i dunno....like i say, i never really thought about it.
i don't know how i could get the proper evidence to know whether i should pursue it or not. and, to me, erring on the side of caution means upholding the presumption of innocence.
the bruise on my ass is a scary size, now. if that was from fucking, it wasn't consensual. i'm going to the clinic in the morning to get a blood test, and check for clots.
i've never really contemplated whether rape kits can be used for possible anal penetration on a genetic male.
i wouldn't necessarily press charges. that's not exactly what i'm getting at. i know what the law says, and i support it as it is - it shouldn't be legal to have sex with a blacked out person. but, i also know how i get when i'm drunk....
the reality is that there's every reason for me to conclude i was probably all over him. i don't mean in the sense that i went across the bar to get him. i mean in the sense that...
...if somebody was in the room, they may very well have thought i was the one raping him.
i know that i'm like that. when i say i got fucked hard, that doesn't necessarily mean i was on the bottom.
i'm a girl. i fuck like a girl.
so, i mean...i can't know. i don't remember. i just don't. but, the doubt is pretty reasonable in my own mind given the evidence. i wouldn't want to jump to that conclusion.
but the bruise is out of control, too. i dunno....like i say, i never really thought about it.
i don't know how i could get the proper evidence to know whether i should pursue it or not. and, to me, erring on the side of caution means upholding the presumption of innocence.
if my 'rave kids like hanging out in green spaces' quip doesn't make
sense to you, let me remind you that i'm from the 90s. 90s rave culture does
still exist, you just need to look past the candy girls and bottle
services and try and find smaller venues with more real people in them.
cover last night was $10.
and, no, it's not the 90s. nobody had giant pants on. but, you get the point.
i should also clarify that i'm too young for 90s rave culture. my prime dancing years were in the intellectual dearth of the late 90s early 00s, and i lived in a town that simply didn't have the kind of scene i would actually be able to associate with from a distance.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/rave-kids-in-the-90s-vs-rave-kids-today
and, no, it's not the 90s. nobody had giant pants on. but, you get the point.
i should also clarify that i'm too young for 90s rave culture. my prime dancing years were in the intellectual dearth of the late 90s early 00s, and i lived in a town that simply didn't have the kind of scene i would actually be able to associate with from a distance.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/rave-kids-in-the-90s-vs-rave-kids-today
Saturday, September 10, 2016
my pants and shoes from last night are both demoed, like they've been over used heavily by some skate kids. for the shoes, it's the kind of thing that shoe goo fixes, although the pants are eaten right away at the cuffs. the pants were previously a little ripped, but it was nothing like that. i must have been running through a field or something. they look like they were for real cut up...
i'm not a fan of ripped jeans as a fashion statement. it's bourgeois.
i must have been with at least one other person, otherwise i would have vlogged. i refuse to vlog when i'm near people. but, as soon as i get walking..
see, if i had left the bar alone, i would have recorded it. even if i was too drunk to remember it, i would have recorded it. eventually. there's no exception to this, basically. it's routine. therefore, i left the bar with somebody.
i regained consciousness around 5:30ish. i have every reason to think i was probably at the bar until close to 4:00 - and i wouldn't have vlogged this, i would have just danced. i got my last shots in around 1:30, on closer inspection. the rain didn't get heavy until nearly 5:00, and i could not have gotten that wet otherwise, so i couldn't have been in the car long, either.
so, the idea that he picked me up makes sense: i was clearly out in the rain right before i woke back up. that means i was near gratiot & chene, no doubt wanting to walk home, some time a little after 5:00 am.
i probably got in the car to escape the rain. not smart, but i was blacked out, and it is at least rational. i can't imagine getting picked up on the street, otherwise - unless i thought i could hitchhike.
yes, i think he thought i was streetwalking.
the part of the night that needs to be reconstructed, then, is going to be from about 3:45-5:15. i left the bar with somebody. i must have taken a car from michigan to gratiot as i couldn't have walked that distance that quickly. then, what?
it seems that two things happened in some unknown order or connection.
1) i seem to have ended up in a park or a field or something. this is actually not particularly bizarre. we used to do campfires in wooded urban spaces during occupy. i've randomly followed hippie kids into the woods to do drugs. i've been to pagan dance parties. sometimes, people just have particularly overgrown backyards. somebody probably offered to smoke me, and i ended up with a group of people in an overgrown space. raver kids are just like that. it's just the only way that the shoes get like that - they were sitting in wet grass for at least an hour.
2) it remains obvious that i had sex with somebody, at some point.
i'm not a fan of ripped jeans as a fashion statement. it's bourgeois.
i must have been with at least one other person, otherwise i would have vlogged. i refuse to vlog when i'm near people. but, as soon as i get walking..
see, if i had left the bar alone, i would have recorded it. even if i was too drunk to remember it, i would have recorded it. eventually. there's no exception to this, basically. it's routine. therefore, i left the bar with somebody.
i regained consciousness around 5:30ish. i have every reason to think i was probably at the bar until close to 4:00 - and i wouldn't have vlogged this, i would have just danced. i got my last shots in around 1:30, on closer inspection. the rain didn't get heavy until nearly 5:00, and i could not have gotten that wet otherwise, so i couldn't have been in the car long, either.
so, the idea that he picked me up makes sense: i was clearly out in the rain right before i woke back up. that means i was near gratiot & chene, no doubt wanting to walk home, some time a little after 5:00 am.
i probably got in the car to escape the rain. not smart, but i was blacked out, and it is at least rational. i can't imagine getting picked up on the street, otherwise - unless i thought i could hitchhike.
yes, i think he thought i was streetwalking.
the part of the night that needs to be reconstructed, then, is going to be from about 3:45-5:15. i left the bar with somebody. i must have taken a car from michigan to gratiot as i couldn't have walked that distance that quickly. then, what?
it seems that two things happened in some unknown order or connection.
1) i seem to have ended up in a park or a field or something. this is actually not particularly bizarre. we used to do campfires in wooded urban spaces during occupy. i've randomly followed hippie kids into the woods to do drugs. i've been to pagan dance parties. sometimes, people just have particularly overgrown backyards. somebody probably offered to smoke me, and i ended up with a group of people in an overgrown space. raver kids are just like that. it's just the only way that the shoes get like that - they were sitting in wet grass for at least an hour.
2) it remains obvious that i had sex with somebody, at some point.
i was just checking to see where the beaches even are around detroit,
and something is coming back to me: the guy in the car said i was "up
near chene park." i don't see any beaches right there. there are some on
belle isle...
it's beach sand. or at least sandbox sand :o.
you know....the light, grainy stuff. you don't get that from a field or something.
i can't confirm the beach. it may have been a park.
it's beach sand. or at least sandbox sand :o.
you know....the light, grainy stuff. you don't get that from a field or something.
i can't confirm the beach. it may have been a park.
when, after trying all day to shit, you finally get it out and your shit
smells like condom lubrication. that's when you know you got fucked
hard last night. i know i looked good, but i didn't realize i looked
that good. he really smashed me. i really don't remember, but i suspect
he will for a while :).
and, that answers that question. i still need to get a blood test. but, that's the actually concerning part about the situation.
maybe i should keep the hair colour?
:P
and, that answers that question. i still need to get a blood test. but, that's the actually concerning part about the situation.
maybe i should keep the hair colour?
:P
so, i'm pretty sure that what happened last night is that i had sex
on a beach, due to the amount of sand i brought home with me and the
enlarged size of my asshole. and i'm pretty sure it was consensual
because my clothes are otherwise not ripped. but i don't have any memory
of this at all. and i don't know why i woke up in a stranger's car
rather than with the person i had sex with (i don't think they were the
same person...)
i mean, i'd kind of like to know who i spent the night with. if they'd like to let me know. maybe see them again, in a state i can remember?
this is a still shot from last night, before i left.
i'm not the type to fuck strangers at all, let alone fuck them and run. the only thing i can seriously think of is that he was leaving immediately in the other direction...
the reason i don't think it was the guy in the car is that he was legitimately surprised by my penis. he could not have just fucked me.
but, i mean....
i'mma stay for breakfast. what you makin'? you know?
the situation is uncharacteristic. all around.
but, there is no question that i was penetrated last night. and rather vigorously, at that.
i mean, i'd kind of like to know who i spent the night with. if they'd like to let me know. maybe see them again, in a state i can remember?
this is a still shot from last night, before i left.
i'm not the type to fuck strangers at all, let alone fuck them and run. the only thing i can seriously think of is that he was leaving immediately in the other direction...
the reason i don't think it was the guy in the car is that he was legitimately surprised by my penis. he could not have just fucked me.
but, i mean....
i'mma stay for breakfast. what you makin'? you know?
the situation is uncharacteristic. all around.
but, there is no question that i was penetrated last night. and rather vigorously, at that.
i'm not joking. this is what i sobered up to.....
"i got a rubber. i can't believe you got a penis. but i still want to.."
"why am i in your car?"
"you was walking up gratiot..."
"i was on michigan last night."
"you was on gratiot."
"can you get me to the tunnel?"
"i still want to."
"listen, i don't remember getting in your car. i would normally never do that. you have to understand this."
"no, i get it. but i can't believe i still want to, even though i know you got a cock."
"how far are we?"
"it's right there...."
"i got a rubber. i can't believe you got a penis. but i still want to.."
"why am i in your car?"
"you was walking up gratiot..."
"i was on michigan last night."
"you was on gratiot."
"can you get me to the tunnel?"
"i still want to."
"listen, i don't remember getting in your car. i would normally never do that. you have to understand this."
"no, i get it. but i can't believe i still want to, even though i know you got a cock."
"how far are we?"
"it's right there...."
waking up with a bruise on your ass is a little unsettling when you
have a black hole of five hours that ends in a stranger's car.
"yo. you have a penis? what the fuck?" <--- you don't want to hear that within minutes after sobering up, either.
i'm walking straight, anyways. it was maybe hard enough to leave a bruise, but not hard enough that i can't walk.
i have no memory of this.
i may have been drugged, actually.
i have no footage. last starlog is my third round of shots, about 1 am.
"yo. you have a penis? what the fuck?" <--- you don't want to hear that within minutes after sobering up, either.
i'm walking straight, anyways. it was maybe hard enough to leave a bruise, but not hard enough that i can't walk.
i have no memory of this.
i may have been drugged, actually.
i have no footage. last starlog is my third round of shots, about 1 am.
Friday, September 9, 2016
i look so much ridiculously better as a blonde. but, if i'm going out today, i'm going red.
i had a bit of a pattern: red in the fall, black in the winter, blond in the summer. i haven't been keeping up with that....
my last black job was really disappointing. black hair makes me look more masculine. if i get back into regular die jobs, it will probably be to jump between red and blonde to get that kind of faded strawberry, and various shades of orange.
my last black job was really disappointing. black hair makes me look more masculine. if i get back into regular die jobs, it will probably be to jump between red and blonde to get that kind of faded strawberry, and various shades of orange.
i had a bit of a pattern: red in the fall, black in the winter, blond in the summer. i haven't been keeping up with that....
my last black job was really disappointing. black hair makes me look more masculine. if i get back into regular die jobs, it will probably be to jump between red and blonde to get that kind of faded strawberry, and various shades of orange.
my last black job was really disappointing. black hair makes me look more masculine. if i get back into regular die jobs, it will probably be to jump between red and blonde to get that kind of faded strawberry, and various shades of orange.
considering blackgummy
haven't gone dancing in a while.
this is more my thing. a little minimalist. but, the bro is toned down. i'm not a fan of the bro....
so, thinking about it.
https://soundcloud.com/blackgummy/sets/dancing-astronaut-the-radar-51
this is more my thing. a little minimalist. but, the bro is toned down. i'm not a fan of the bro....
so, thinking about it.
https://soundcloud.com/blackgummy/sets/dancing-astronaut-the-radar-51
i'm ok with a 90s revival. but, where's the smart side of it?
a sarcastic criticism of hypercapitalism would actually be really relevant, right now.
i don't photoshop, fwiw. i don't even wear much makeup. i'm rare.
https://scholarsandrogues.com/2008/04/17/even-better-than-the-real-thing/
a sarcastic criticism of hypercapitalism would actually be really relevant, right now.
i don't photoshop, fwiw. i don't even wear much makeup. i'm rare.
https://scholarsandrogues.com/2008/04/17/even-better-than-the-real-thing/
Thursday, September 8, 2016
i stopped for karaoke last night (i didn't sing on stage, but helped
out a little from my seat. doors. pearl jam.) and got hit on a little at
the bar....
i'm used to this. i don't get offended.
"so, i don't know....were you born a girl?"
"i was born XY"
"wow. so you have both genders?"
biology. you got it or you don't, i guess.
at one point, somebody guessed that i was a 24 year-old genetic female, and i had every right to feel complimented.
my actual age is nearly 36.
i'm used to this. i don't get offended.
"so, i don't know....were you born a girl?"
"i was born XY"
"wow. so you have both genders?"
biology. you got it or you don't, i guess.
at one point, somebody guessed that i was a 24 year-old genetic female, and i had every right to feel complimented.
my actual age is nearly 36.
07-09-2016: a quick concert turned into a night of drinking (got a little paranoid walking home...)
concert footage:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU_KkRzm-IM
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/09/07.html
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU_KkRzm-IM
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/09/07.html
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Friday, September 2, 2016
i never vomit. i think that was the first time since moving to windsor. legit.
i bought a coffee a few hours ago, and there was a leak at the corner. i was about to walk into a grocery store when i noticed. i didn't want to trail coffee around the store, so i chugged it on a pretty empty stomach.
i'm guessing that's what came up. otherwise, i caught a bug somewhere. hope not.
extra large size.
i bought a coffee a few hours ago, and there was a leak at the corner. i was about to walk into a grocery store when i noticed. i didn't want to trail coffee around the store, so i chugged it on a pretty empty stomach.
i'm guessing that's what came up. otherwise, i caught a bug somewhere. hope not.
extra large size.
01-09-2016: updating the alter-reality
tracks worked on in this vlog:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Thursday, September 1, 2016
alter-reality update
i have finished the listening through the sansa, as well as the first run through the laptop. i don't see any use in updating this here because it's monotonous. it's in the vlog.
but, i'm also pushing forward with the alter-reality for the day.
1) new blog post:
sept 1, 1996
happy new year!
well, it's not really the new year, i guess, but it kind of feels like it. the roman calendar is heliocentric and resets when the sun reverses course and starts coming back towards us. how did we escape the victorian era without reconfiguring the calendar to the start of the school year, anyways? there are new beginnings to be found in the innocence of youth. yet, maybe such a concept of yearly rebirth was a little too pagan.
it's labour day tomorrow, which means i go back to school on tuesday. i'll be starting grade ten. it's not just a new year, though: i'm also being sent to nerd school. yuck :(. this is not consensual!
it's a little bit of my own fault, though. i tend to fool around in class. a lot. while i get almost solid As, the kids i'm distracting are not doing nearly as well. one may kneejerk into blaming the kids with the lower marks, but i've actually been fingered repeatedly as the root cause of the distractions. so, i'm a kind of an enigma. they haven't been able to figure out what to do with me; while they ought to expel me based on my behaviour, they just can't justify it because i'm an A student. what happened around the end of last year was that a cabal of teachers conspired with my parents to take me out of advanced courses and put me into enriched classes. the argument is that i'll be less bored that way, but that, more importantly, i won't be so much of a distraction to the students around me. everybody should win out...
...except that i know that the reality of it is that i'm actually going to be even more bored because i'm going to have to hang out with the nerds all of the time. the thing is that the nerds aren't really nerds. if they were legit nerds, i'd probably like them. the legit nerds are all in the advanced courses. what the enriched class "nerds" actually are are really the rich kids and they're actually mostly wannabe jocks. these are the kids that walk around in sports jerseys but can't make the school team. the only reason that most of them got separated out is because their parents demanded they get special treatment. there was no testing. there were no interviews. entry to enriched classes is dependent solely on maintaining an A average and being recommended by a teacher, which only happens with outside pressure. there are plenty of students in the advanced stream with higher grade averages.
how do i get out of this? well, i didn't have the choice. my parents would never do this to me under normal circumstances, but the cabal of teachers was absolutely insistent and they ultimately relented. the only way out of this next year is to get Bs this year. nobody's going to care, right? nobody's going to check my grade ten marks, right? i'm already thinking about a scorched earth policy...
what about the last week?
well, i picked up the new pearl jam record, no code. to be entirely honest, i'm kind of still processing it. i'm not too young to remember early pearl jam, but i'm pretty close; i was ten years old when ten was released (oddly enough...) and not really a fan of what i interacted with. i liked jeremy, but it was a distant appreciation rather than an active experience. i didn't like the other singles nearly as much. you have to understand that the headspace i was in at the time was not very open to anything that might be interpreted as "heavy metal". the reason is that i was growing up with a set of influences that saw metal as the refuge of violent drunks and uneducated losers. it took me a few years to realize that i was actually conflating an idea with it's anti-thesis and that my inability to differentiate between pearl jam and guns 'n' roses (and grunge and glam, more generally) was really just youthful ignorance on my behalf. in fact, pearl jam was exactly the kind of rock band i could get into, i just didn't realize it. i was eventually able to get into vs a little near the end of it's run, but it wasn't until vitalogy was released that i was actively converted into a fan. on some level, and notwithstanding my age, i may be a better actualization of what the band really desires as a fan. but, that itself - combined with my near violent aversion to 80s metal - makes me a very atypical listener. i actually tend to prefer their more experimental tendencies, as well as their punk sensibilities, over the cliches and muscular riffs. of their four released records, i like ten the least! but, the thing i like about pearl jam the most is actually the lyrics.
i'm finding this new record to really be pretty good on the few listens i've had over all night civ 2 sessions. it's kind of uneven, though, and i'm not sure how it's going to ultimately hold up as a result of it. vitalogy was also uneven, but it wasn't as pronounced. see, the flip of that is that some of the high points on no code are just that much stronger. the irony is that this exaggerates the weakness of the weaker tracks, which makes it less cohesive, overall. i'm still enjoying the record, mind you. i just wish they had cut a few of the slower tracks out. i don't mean the artsy ones, i mean the rural ones: off he goes & around the bend, specifically.
something, i did listen to a lot of in the early 90s, though, was REM, who were definitely my favourite band. so, i'm super hyped about the new REM album. i didn't like monster as much as their older stuff. it seemed kind of shallow, to me, in comparison. it didn't breathe or flow and kind of got boring under the monotony. but, i really really like the new single...
i don't know who the female singer is, though. is she actually singing or is she just an actress?
i've also been spending a lot of time in the recording studio in the basement. on the last update, i wondered out loud whether i should keep waiting for band members or just go ahead and start recording on my own. i've decided that i will be recording songs on my own with the intent of teaching them to other people when they're done. in fact, i have already finished my first song! in my next post, i will provide links to stream my very first song, recorded in my basement studio over the last week.
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/09/there-is-no-code-to-get-into-enriched_1.html
2) second part of the blog post:
sept 1, 1996
this is my very first recording!
i initially wrote this song in the wee hours of a morning in 1995, where it was recorded for future use by notating it on loose leaf (using a mix of tablature and chord blocks). it was slowly mutated into a final form over the next few years through solitary performance, and was eventually recorded in the summer of 1996.
the dream in the song is something that actually happened, although the concept was exaggerated for the track. there is a clear underlying misanthropy. but, it's more hands-off than the term usually implies. the song is not about starting fires, it's about not interfering in fires that are burning. all young people contemplate ways they can make a difference and "save the world" - literally or figuratively. but, is the world really worth saving?
i've also set up a youtube channel...
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXlH5Ds5mqClkdAUFJwQCNQ/
http://therealinri.blogspot.com/1996/09/external-links-to-recorded-music.html
3) the alter-reality bandcamp site is now up and running:
https://jnrj.bandcamp.com
4) the alter-reality youtube page will be up soon, too:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXlH5Ds5mqClkdAUFJwQCNQ/
i'll be back to listening soon, too.
but, i'm also pushing forward with the alter-reality for the day.
1) new blog post:
sept 1, 1996
there is no code to get into enriched classes, but i wish there was one....
happy new year!
well, it's not really the new year, i guess, but it kind of feels like it. the roman calendar is heliocentric and resets when the sun reverses course and starts coming back towards us. how did we escape the victorian era without reconfiguring the calendar to the start of the school year, anyways? there are new beginnings to be found in the innocence of youth. yet, maybe such a concept of yearly rebirth was a little too pagan.
it's labour day tomorrow, which means i go back to school on tuesday. i'll be starting grade ten. it's not just a new year, though: i'm also being sent to nerd school. yuck :(. this is not consensual!
it's a little bit of my own fault, though. i tend to fool around in class. a lot. while i get almost solid As, the kids i'm distracting are not doing nearly as well. one may kneejerk into blaming the kids with the lower marks, but i've actually been fingered repeatedly as the root cause of the distractions. so, i'm a kind of an enigma. they haven't been able to figure out what to do with me; while they ought to expel me based on my behaviour, they just can't justify it because i'm an A student. what happened around the end of last year was that a cabal of teachers conspired with my parents to take me out of advanced courses and put me into enriched classes. the argument is that i'll be less bored that way, but that, more importantly, i won't be so much of a distraction to the students around me. everybody should win out...
...except that i know that the reality of it is that i'm actually going to be even more bored because i'm going to have to hang out with the nerds all of the time. the thing is that the nerds aren't really nerds. if they were legit nerds, i'd probably like them. the legit nerds are all in the advanced courses. what the enriched class "nerds" actually are are really the rich kids and they're actually mostly wannabe jocks. these are the kids that walk around in sports jerseys but can't make the school team. the only reason that most of them got separated out is because their parents demanded they get special treatment. there was no testing. there were no interviews. entry to enriched classes is dependent solely on maintaining an A average and being recommended by a teacher, which only happens with outside pressure. there are plenty of students in the advanced stream with higher grade averages.
how do i get out of this? well, i didn't have the choice. my parents would never do this to me under normal circumstances, but the cabal of teachers was absolutely insistent and they ultimately relented. the only way out of this next year is to get Bs this year. nobody's going to care, right? nobody's going to check my grade ten marks, right? i'm already thinking about a scorched earth policy...
what about the last week?
well, i picked up the new pearl jam record, no code. to be entirely honest, i'm kind of still processing it. i'm not too young to remember early pearl jam, but i'm pretty close; i was ten years old when ten was released (oddly enough...) and not really a fan of what i interacted with. i liked jeremy, but it was a distant appreciation rather than an active experience. i didn't like the other singles nearly as much. you have to understand that the headspace i was in at the time was not very open to anything that might be interpreted as "heavy metal". the reason is that i was growing up with a set of influences that saw metal as the refuge of violent drunks and uneducated losers. it took me a few years to realize that i was actually conflating an idea with it's anti-thesis and that my inability to differentiate between pearl jam and guns 'n' roses (and grunge and glam, more generally) was really just youthful ignorance on my behalf. in fact, pearl jam was exactly the kind of rock band i could get into, i just didn't realize it. i was eventually able to get into vs a little near the end of it's run, but it wasn't until vitalogy was released that i was actively converted into a fan. on some level, and notwithstanding my age, i may be a better actualization of what the band really desires as a fan. but, that itself - combined with my near violent aversion to 80s metal - makes me a very atypical listener. i actually tend to prefer their more experimental tendencies, as well as their punk sensibilities, over the cliches and muscular riffs. of their four released records, i like ten the least! but, the thing i like about pearl jam the most is actually the lyrics.
i'm finding this new record to really be pretty good on the few listens i've had over all night civ 2 sessions. it's kind of uneven, though, and i'm not sure how it's going to ultimately hold up as a result of it. vitalogy was also uneven, but it wasn't as pronounced. see, the flip of that is that some of the high points on no code are just that much stronger. the irony is that this exaggerates the weakness of the weaker tracks, which makes it less cohesive, overall. i'm still enjoying the record, mind you. i just wish they had cut a few of the slower tracks out. i don't mean the artsy ones, i mean the rural ones: off he goes & around the bend, specifically.
something, i did listen to a lot of in the early 90s, though, was REM, who were definitely my favourite band. so, i'm super hyped about the new REM album. i didn't like monster as much as their older stuff. it seemed kind of shallow, to me, in comparison. it didn't breathe or flow and kind of got boring under the monotony. but, i really really like the new single...
i don't know who the female singer is, though. is she actually singing or is she just an actress?
i've also been spending a lot of time in the recording studio in the basement. on the last update, i wondered out loud whether i should keep waiting for band members or just go ahead and start recording on my own. i've decided that i will be recording songs on my own with the intent of teaching them to other people when they're done. in fact, i have already finished my first song! in my next post, i will provide links to stream my very first song, recorded in my basement studio over the last week.
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/09/there-is-no-code-to-get-into-enriched_1.html
2) second part of the blog post:
sept 1, 1996
external links to recorded music
this is my very first recording!
i initially wrote this song in the wee hours of a morning in 1995, where it was recorded for future use by notating it on loose leaf (using a mix of tablature and chord blocks). it was slowly mutated into a final form over the next few years through solitary performance, and was eventually recorded in the summer of 1996.
the dream in the song is something that actually happened, although the concept was exaggerated for the track. there is a clear underlying misanthropy. but, it's more hands-off than the term usually implies. the song is not about starting fires, it's about not interfering in fires that are burning. all young people contemplate ways they can make a difference and "save the world" - literally or figuratively. but, is the world really worth saving?
i've also set up a youtube channel...
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXlH5Ds5mqClkdAUFJwQCNQ/
http://therealinri.blogspot.com/1996/09/external-links-to-recorded-music.html
3) the alter-reality bandcamp site is now up and running:
https://jnrj.bandcamp.com
4) the alter-reality youtube page will be up soon, too:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXlH5Ds5mqClkdAUFJwQCNQ/
i'll be back to listening soon, too.
the new youtube rules are not going to bother me, because i don't upload for the cash, anyways.
but i think, in the end, that youtube may find that the family-friendly market is less lucrative than it thinks.
this is an error. it could produce a set of serious competitors.
i don't have a problem with it. people just don't get the business model.
youtube is selling advertising space, not acting as a speech platform. they give you a cut of their revenue, but they don't even have to, really. it's just an incentive for you to upload. in the end, you're just being used as a conduit.
the actual financial transaction that occurs is that youtube sells space in your videos to advertisers. it's consequently entirely up to the advertisers as to whether they want to be associated with your videos or not. i think that's in their rights. and, if the advertisers don't want to be associated with you? that's their choice.
imagine your girlfriend breaking up with you because she doesn't like your politics. is that censorship? no. you have every right to keep talking. she just doesn't want to hang out with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbph5or0NuM
this playlist may increase in size.
no biggie.
but i think, in the end, that youtube may find that the family-friendly market is less lucrative than it thinks.
this is an error. it could produce a set of serious competitors.
i don't have a problem with it. people just don't get the business model.
youtube is selling advertising space, not acting as a speech platform. they give you a cut of their revenue, but they don't even have to, really. it's just an incentive for you to upload. in the end, you're just being used as a conduit.
the actual financial transaction that occurs is that youtube sells space in your videos to advertisers. it's consequently entirely up to the advertisers as to whether they want to be associated with your videos or not. i think that's in their rights. and, if the advertisers don't want to be associated with you? that's their choice.
imagine your girlfriend breaking up with you because she doesn't like your politics. is that censorship? no. you have every right to keep talking. she just doesn't want to hang out with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbph5or0NuM
this playlist may increase in size.
no biggie.
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