yeah.
i've decided to finally get rid of my
testicles. if i can. this is not the sex change operation, which i
simply don't want to do out of sequence. it would be done by now if i
could find a way to fund electrolysis, but that will likely remain
impossible for the foreseeable future. i just think it's crazy to try
and get a full sex change while i'm still growing chin hair. and,
there's a bureaucracy in canada that is actually unnecessarily
restrictive - the process takes forever and rejects a lot of candidates.
i wouldn't expect to be approved pre-electrolysis. but, i can't fund
the electrolysis until i'm post-op. catch-22. the rational procedure is
to go on hormones for a while, get the hair removal done and then get
the testicles removed with the sex change. i'm just stuck at the hormone
stage for financial reasons.
but, i'm getting
restless. i see no conceivable way to fund the hair removal. and, i've
just been on pause, waiting, for too long. i need a way forward.
the
thing is that i may be able to get the testicle removal done under
ohip. i don't know yet. it's ambiguous. but, if it's conceivable, i
should do it. it's a next step that could be very positive.
why now?
what
i'm noticing over the last four or five days (it's been building for
the last few months....) is that i'm in need of a boost in dosage for
the anti-androgens. this is after i just boosted my estrogen a few
months ago. i'm getting to the point where dosage boosts may begin to
get dangerous. and then what?
i think i should
acknowledge that i have a choice: i can boost the anti-androgens (and
keep up this arms war with my body), or i can just get my testicles
taken out.
if i can do the latter, i should notice a lot of positive benefits:
1) i can go off the anti-androgens altogether.
2) reduced hair growth.
3)
because the estrogen i take orally will no longer be fighting with the
testosterone i produce naturally, it should be more effective.
i
probably should have done this years ago. but, i figured i would
eventually find a way to fund hair removal and do this in the usual
order. and, the testosterone suppressors were working. they're starting
to fade, and i don't want to just keep boosting dosages, so i need to
take a different approach.
i'm going to have to talk to some doctors.
my argument is going to be that it's a path of least harm. and, i'll have to hope that they can find a way to get it covered.
fwiw,
i have no interest in kids. that has little to do with gender identity -
i made that choice when i was about 12. somebody talked me into
freezing sperm once, but i don't even know if it's still in the freezer.
or even care.
actually, it was that doctor in ottawa
that got shut down for handing out the wrong sperm. so, i may have kids
out there after all.
but, i'm just not remotely interested in spending any time at all with anybody under the age of 15 for any reason. sorry.
