you know, i'm noticing that deep breathing helps. given the symptoms, i'd find it remarkable to think i'm merely just stressed out. it really seems to be a nervous system issue located primarily in my left ear and working itself down the jawline, neck, shoulders and increasingly into my left arm. but that's why experiments are useful. i'm not doing anything until i get the track done, but i'm going to try devoting a few minutes a day to just sitting and breathing and see what happens.

i've got about a dozen guitar tracks down, but it's taking a long time to mix them because it's a delicate process to avoid disrupting the dynamics that already exist. it's the same basic issue i had when i was working the orchestral parts in, except more complex because now there's more things to not disrupt. the bass distortion is especially delicate, considering i'm mixing in guitar distortion. i mean, i spent a lot of time getting the right grind/roar balance on the bottom end, i'm not about to just plow over it with wanky guitars. really. if you check the track that's already up through a good pair of headphones...i mean it's a fucking *dirty* bass part. and it's really the center of the track. so, i'm dealing with a lot of fades to sneak things in around it. there's plenty of space, it's just that i need to be very careful about it.

i'm just about done the first five minutes, up to when the beats come in. it's going to be a while before it gets done, though...

i'm half expecting the doctor to tell me to cut the coffee out. and i may have to try that experiment to see if it does help. but i'm going to end up sleeping for the next month so i have to wait until i'm done this....

no. fuck it. this is driving me nuts. i'm cutting out coffee for a week. i may become useless over that week, and this may not get done until april. but i have to figure this out before i go in.

i've been hepped up on caffeine for fifteen years. i can't remember the last day i didn't drink at least a pot of coffee. i need to "come down" and see what happens.

see, if i *do* have ms, i can use that for disability. so, i need to do this experiment. and if i don't, like, i want my face to fucking stop spasming....

so, realistically, you can expect this to go quiet for a bit. we'll see. but, as much as i hate the hippie bullshit attached to the term, i need to "detox".