i'm looking through the addresses to include in the subsidized rent form, and it really seems like almost every building in town is offering subsidized rent.

i'm kind of skeptical that the waiting list is going to be too long.

ok. it's true. if i can get a two bedroom apartment on the third or fourth floor with a solid air intake, i'll take it as an improvement. i guess i'm a little older, and there's a few things i'm more picky about.

it's not that i don't like basements - i love basements - it's that i don't like air conditioners, and living in the basement means you're stuck with all of the air conditioners on top of you. if i can get up a little, i can reverse the effect.

being up a few floors also means you can open the window without having to worry about smokers at ground level, or cars i suppose, which is more important to me now than it was a few years ago.

it takes losing access to fresh air to realize how valuable it really is. it's something you take for granted, until it's gone.

i'd also like to be a little closer to the downtown core so i have easier access to the tunnel and i'm not missing the bus every time i go to detroit. i'm a concrete jungle type - i don't have much attachment to green spaces. they just end up full of cat shit. i like sidewalks and parking lots. sorry.

i still don't want to uproot. non-smokers really need to start standing their ground and not falling into these  strange narratives around "smokers rights", which is just another way to label a license to pollute. but, i'm realizing that i have better options than i thought.

it's a backup plan. and, i'm glad it's there.

the liners notes to this one are already written.

i need to at least get it out in the morning, along with the subsidized rent application and a request to re-open the harassment proceedings.

if i end up going the subsidized housing option, i can always continue the case from a new location.

i was hoping for inridiculous, as well, but i guess it'll have to wait another day or two. i don't think i have to do anything in between, it's just a question of writing a lot of notes and getting the numbers right.

there is nothing on the market that would be acceptable to me at this point; anything comparable to this unit is considerably outside of my price range. it just stresses the importance of standing my ground in the face of persistent harassment, and letting the system come to a correct conclusion in the face of fraudulent reports.

the sad reality surrounding the whole thing is that they won't be able to rent this unit to anybody in the long term. the basement is full of cockroaches. the odours are terrible: cigarettes in the hallways, sewer gas in the back space and pollution from the windows most of the year. when you can get some fresh air, you have to deal with nuisance cats shitting everywhere and neighbours chain smoking in their driveway. you can imagine the kind of undesirable that this wouldn't bother: maybe a 45 year old single male that chain smokes, lives on welfare and is drunk most of the time.

i was told the previous tenant had to end their tenancy because they were sent to jail.

there's essentially no insulation in the back wall. so you have to deal with the air conditioner upstairs in the summer and the basement draft in the winter. if they succeed in converting the unit to gas and the tenancy to paid utilities, paying rent here will mean you're heating the entire basement, and most of the upstairs - because he doesn't turn his heat on unless it's -20. so, the basement tenant is essentially going to be paying heating costs for the entire building.

the tenant they're looking to attract is consequently going to be a low-income chain smoker that doesn't mind living in filth and is willing to overpay for utilities for no apparent reason i can see. i hear he rides a unicorn to church.

i am the best they will get. at least the old guy realized that. i guess he had a little experience with the previous tenants down here, and what a unit like it is able to attract.

i am going to take a precautionary step, though: i am going to apply for subsidized housing. and, i am going to claim that i am in an abusive situation, because i am.

i should have been put in subsidized housing years ago. i mean, i'm on permanent disability, it's what the program is for. i applied for it in ottawa, but i wasn't able to stay with my grandmother long enough to wait it out and had to leave the city, instead. they eventually approved me, but i was already here, and it didn't make the slightest bit of sense to go back.

i've been here long enough now that i can apply, here. i don't know how long it will take...

...but it's really the only way out of this that i can put a positive spin on: i could conceivably get a comparable space, and actually end up with a reduced price. and, good luck to them getting somebody else in here.

but, i'm going to stand my ground. i'm going to make them prove the case. because i presume that they can't. and, everything aside, i don't want to leave.

i just hate moving. if i could snap my fingers, i'd take myself up to a third or fourth floor apartment with windows that open to fresher air and walls that keep the neighbours' a/c out. but, getting from a to b isn't worth it. i'd rather stay here and hold my ground.

i need to state again that i do not intend to leave windsor until i complete my discography because i will not be able to afford the space required to hold my gear much of anywhere else. i could have been done by now, but i've wasted much of the last two years on nonsense. if i leave for waterloo, which is my most likely next destination, i will probably sell my gear before i go.

the idea of moving to waterloo is to shift from an artistic purpose to an academic (mathematical) one. i could very well end up living in the library for a while. but, i was not expecting to end up in waterloo until i hit my mid-40s or early 50s. i'll likely be in windsor for another 10-15 years before i move on.

i intend to eventually end up in the northern end of the province, in my twilight years.

i will not end up back in ottawa, unless it is homeless and penniless and in the short term, before i move away again. i simply cannot afford to live in the city.

so, i woke up to an eviction order - signed hours after the mediation process - that i needed to leave so that a parent could move in.

which one? the obese man's ex-wife?

does she like cockroaches?

they can do this in ontario. sort of. they have to demonstrate a need to put the parent there, which is probably going to be difficult. they can't just decide that they're going to stick mom in there for a year for the fun of it, they have to have a good reason. and, it has to be true, in the first place.

they have the burden of proof to demonstrate it, and they can expect a rigorous cross-examination.

frankly, even if they do have a parent to move in, and they need to, it's going to be hard for them to convince a judge that they just forgot to tell me that in mediation and that this has nothing to do with the last several months of harassment. so, we have bad faith on two levels:

1) the mediation agreement was arrived at in bad faith, and is consequently void.
2) the eviction order was provided in bad faith, and will fail. in fact, i think it's toothless: it's an intimidation tactic. i don't expect it to actually go to court. it's just supposed to scare me into moving.

i was hoping to push this forward into september. but, they broke the agreement in less than 24 hours.

again: was i fool to put it off? the answer is no: this would have happened anyways. putting the file on hold did not lead to a fake eviction notice, they would have done it anyways. but, it does allow me to put the harassment proceedings - and the fake eviction notice will be a part of them - into a single case, which both makes me seem less interested in conflict (which is true.) and less interested in financial gain (which is also true.). in the long run, it just strengthens my argument that there is a pattern of consistent harassment.

if anybody is capitalizing, it is the paralegal, who appears to be more interested in taking advantage of clueless property owners than building his own reputation. and, if i made an error it was in hoping for good faith from a lawyer. the ideal outcome remains in helping these people better understand what the law says; unfortunately, this guy seems like he wants to just take advantage of them.

i am going to have to spend some time in the next few days looking at moving options, as a backup plan, but that will not void any of the legal proceedings - including the inevitable filing of a false eviction claim, which i can theoretically file after moving. if that ends up happening, it will pay for the process. i don't expect my options to be very good (to avoid moving backwards, i will need to find a two bedroom all-inclusive apartment for less than $700/month - and, remember, i am legally incapable of working), but i have to explore them.

if i were to move out, and i saw that they relisted the apartment, re-opening the file under that premise would be a very strong argument: months of harassment culminating in a fake eviction notice would indeed land me a sum. and, if i'm moving out, i'll take it.

i need to do some cleaning tonight, and then get a few things mailed in the morning. i'll take a look at this over the next few days, with the aim to mail some things on monday.

if they want this to end, it's really simple: all they have to do is leave me alone.

i actually put this truth in the court documents: even if i were to walk out of the court room with the full settlement (which has now inched up to 4679.46), we'd still have to find a mediation process, afterwards, or i'm just going to take them to court every month.

i even offered to give some of it to charity. it's really not the point.

that number can keep growing. the bigger it gets, the larger a fraction of it gets, too. it can eventually get to a point where i shouldn't expect to see it, even if i win it. but, that's fine, because it's not the actual answer to anything.

the preferred answer was an epiphany. i was hoping i could help. sure, it's still possible. right now, the right answer is a legal mentor to get them to follow common sense legal principles - to tell them when they're fucking up and tell them not to.

that is infinitely more valuable to me than an unending court battle that i keep winning.

they fucked up within hours: i have two more examples of harassment, just this evening.

but, things are different, now: i have a paralegal that has at least taken a couple of courses to run it through, and he has to tell his clients whether or not these things are worth doing.

they are minor concerns, in isolation: removing an air freshener from my window sill, changing the speed of the fan that i won by court order so that it's barely working. neither of these actions cost me anything. more importantly, refraining from these actions doesn't cost the landlord anything - but carrying them out could cost her a whole lot.

any decent paralegal should look at the situation and say the following,

"well, jessica is correct: you cannot be vandalizing her window sill, as it is an extension of her living space. anything on the sill is her property. removing an item from the window sill is the same thing as removing an item from her apartment. and, she won the court order on the fan, too, so you should basically never touch it, for any reason. if these situations were one-offs, this would be a waste of time. but, they are part of a pattern of harassment that could land you in a lot of trouble. this isn't worth fighting, and this isn't worth doing. you should sign the paper - and you should leave the fan alone, and leave items on her window sill alone, too."

that is dramatically more productive from my perspective than getting into a stupid shouting match and dragging the thing to a judge.

but, i don't expect this to evaporate tomorrow. it's going to be the paralegal's responsibility for the near future to get these people to start acting like grown-ups. it could take a long time. but, in the long run, if the behaviour is slowly corrected, the issue is resolved.

otherwise, we go back to court within weeks - and i'll do it, because it's the pattern that matters, not the precise issue.

i gave them another chance...

.....to fuck up.

well, it's kind of true.

what i did was put the case on hold in order to deal with a paralegal. it's easy enough to scoff at me: i gave them a chance to get a lawyer involved? am i daft? or just imbued with gentlemanly concepts of fair play? but, it's actually better in the long run.

see, i'm far better off giving them as many chances as i can, like a tiger playing with a kill, than i am in trying to devour them multiple times. i'm going to get annoying if i take this to a judge every few weeks, and i want to avoid seeming aggressive: i am, after all, suing for harassment. i'm the victim, here. it needs to be unambiguous. i'm more likely to get a big settlement if it's at the end of incredible patience than i am if it looks like i'm coming back for seconds and thirds like a greedy glutton.

beyond tactical considerations, i'm actually genuine: what i want is for the shenanigans to end at no cost to me. it is perhaps true that the root cause of the problem is that they're all so legally clueless. perhaps a good deal of this would not have happened if they had sought proper legal advice. so, there is some reason to think that putting a lawyer between us could have a seriously positive effect.

also, i'm intuitive enough to realize that what this paralegal really wanted was to avoid the court date out of fear of being beaten by an amateur. the truth is that i actually intimidated him. he's not going to shape up in the course of weeks or months, but he may give the case less formlessness, and actually make it easier to sue as a consequence.

i actually hope that this is the end of it; they gave me back the $50 filing fee, but left me on the hook for the other $40 i spent on paper and mailing costs. i'd be surprised if it is; i should be able to add those costs on to the next date.

if i refile i can add all of the things that have happened since july 20th as further examples - at no extra cost - and increase the fine to six or potentially seven months at a better probability of winning and potentially with better evidence.

i'm sleepy. but i'll be getting to better and more productive things when i wake up.

so, i went to make a smoothie this afternoon, in the thunderstorm, and came back to a laptop with a dead processor.

this is the same laptop that was previously having electrical problems. and, i noticed that it was seizing up a little bit, this afternoon - so it didn't come totally out of nowhere.

once again, though, this laptop fails in co-ordination with my living room desktop, which went into the loop for the first time since replacing the hard drive. i don't know what that loop actually is, but i've designed the system around the need to reinstall to get rid of it. it may actually be a network virus. what's extra curious is the correlation: i seem to be getting periodic attacks by some kind of intelligence network that take everything down at the same time.

i vlog! i blog! i give you information for free!

oh, and my phone came in the other day, but don't expect me to actually use it any time soon :P. not now, with all these priorities...and, certainly not the way anybody expects. at least it's there though, right? have fun with it.

and, no, i'm not blaming the russians. i understand that the russians actually have extremely limited cyberwarfare capabilities, and are simply not technologically advanced enough to do much of anything they're currently being accused of. if i was attacked by a rogue intelligence gathering service, it was almost certainly by the good old cia. i don't think i'm very interesting to the chinese or the israelis, which are the only other serious operations running.

the storm is a good cover, right? hey - explain why everything all comes down at once, then.

nonetheless, occam's razor is to ignore the sputtering this morning and just blame it on the storm. did i get a surge? well, the power didn't actually go out, although i do think that i had a close lightning strike. but, nothing else in here got fried, and this laptop was actually on one of the better protected circuits. it doesn't quite add up; i'm not convinced.

given that i had all of the windows open, i actually think it may be more likely that the static electricity in the air got to it and shut it off as it was running hot. that would be terrible luck, basically. i've tried some dry boots and it's not working; i get the caps lock single flash, and it just shuts down. so, i'm going to have to let it sit and drain itself for a week or two. if i can fix it easily, it will be by unplugging it for a while.

for now, i swapped the drive out and am back on the backup laptop, as i was over the course of may and june. i hope it doesn't take as long to come back...

...but, even if it comes back sooner, i'm thinking i'll stick on this machine as a short term access point and go ahead and install the new drive in the other machine, which is what i was planning on doing shortly, anyways. that's what i'm going to be doing for editing in the long run.

if it doesn't come back, should i buy a new processor? i'm not confident about disassembling it. so, i might buy a new stripped down laptop (not necessarily the same model), actually, and just put the new components in it. i mean, i just bought a new hard drive and 8 gb of new ram or this: it should be running a fast sshd with 8 gb of ram. the optical drive works. if i can just get a barebones board/screen/case combo for $50 and then upgrade it with my new components, it will justify the existing investment and really be a helluva calculator. i've already spent around $200 on it, so i'm not just going to discard it - i'll find a way to reintegrate this component, one way or another.

but, am i getting fed up with it? sure. i'll give it a week or two to come back and then move on.

so, i'm probably on this machine for a good while. i haven't taken it up to 4 gb of ram yet but will soon. and, that should make it more than sufficient as an access point until i get around to reconstructing the studio.

that was a messy weekend. i found myself on a pcp buzz (i need to stop just smoking and/or eating whatever random thing anybody gives me - this was laced pot, i've been through it repeatedly and know it when i get it, it was a specific trip. i even know who i smoked it from, as i could taste it. it's a burnt taste, like hashish, but more intense) after actress, and stuck outside the bar until 5:00 am. again: i wasn't actually drunk. i didn't pass out, and i didn't vomit. i was just inoperable due to the high. in fact, i could have walked somewhere, and no doubt would have if i didn't have my bike, but i decided against bicycling until the buzz passed. safety first. well, i would have just sat outside the diner, anyways, right? i could sit outside the bar and smoke or sit outside the diner and smoke, what's the difference? as before, it took a while longer than i expected, but i caught the early bus, in the end.

saturday was even weirder, as i didn't get over until 00:30 and found myself at a party that ended at 9:30. i managed to get a lunch hour pizza on the way home, and then took until midnight on sunday to finish eating it. i again think i smoked something that kept me awake. this is the primary argument for legalization: you just really actually don't honestly know what the fuck you're smoking. you really don't. i know i was awake for 36 hours before i feel asleep.

...and that i then slept all day monday, and most of the day tuesday.

i now need to be in court in nine and a half hours, and it will be fine. i've got the information i need compiled and put together. i just need to figure out what i'm printing and what i'm not printing, and plan the rest of the morning around getting there on time.

i've decided that i'm going to wait until i get a ruling before i file a third case. this really isn't a lot of fun, after all. but, the point of this is to get them to stop, not to bankrupt them. if i put them in too difficult a situation, it could actually make it harder to sell the building. and, if i win the case, it could give me the leverage i need to make it stop.

i mean, to be clear: i plan on filing. 5 attempted evictions without cause requires a response. it's just that i'm going to want to do one thing at a time, so i'll give them a chance to respond, first.

yeah. i just took a refresher look through the posts here since december. i think this is what happened:

1) i stopped in late december to rebuild this page from notes existing in word documents going back to 2013. this put both the alter-reality and the closing process on hold. there was good logic to having a consolidated file with all data in it, for the aleph-discs - it may have been time consuming and might have left me backed up, but it would make sense in the long run.

2) this was a slow and grueling process that wasn't quite done yet by mid-february. i decided to augment the process by including show reviews in the music archives and building a show review archive that i'd had shelved for years. this ended up quite time consuming, as well. but, it did make good sense, so long as it could eventually get done.

3) at the end of march, i was forced to sue my landlord, sending me into a spiral of distraction that has included broken laptops and apartment rebuilds. and the process has yet to resolve itself.

my second court date is wednesday morning and i'm going to have to sue them at least a third time. but, i think they're selling the property in december (or that's what i overheard). i don't know what they're doing with the old guy on top of me. retirement home? letting him move in? or are they just dumping him off? because he has no source of income besides myself, basically; if they sell completely, he can't pay rent. but, if they're gone then....the whole point of this is to wait him/them out, as i would not expect them to hold the property once he dies. that might be on the horizon. but, this process is far from over.

i'm also still vlogging and did not make good use of my time last week, so i'm in need of working out thumbnails and watching vlogs.

i haven't looked ahead for september concerts.

but, what the large order means (combined with how far behind i am in the alter-reality, now) is that i should really be starting the process i started last december from scratch, with all updated data that i have. and, this needs to be a full consolidation over all sources, to ensure that the period discs are truly comprehensive.

what that means is that i have the following priorities:

1) court stuff, including launching the third court date. listen: they tried to evict me five times this month, all without cause. that's an absurd level of harassment, and they can't be allowed to get away with it.
2) close inri026-inri070.
3) catch up on the alter-reality over 1997, including writing some reviews for a couple of shows over 1997.
4) when i am done, i can reconsolidate the documentation over sources (blogspot/facebook/bandcamp ---> word doc ---> html in period discs) and rebuild the concert review archive, as it comes up. i suppose that that implies large holes between 1997 and 2010, but that's ok.

something else will be true when that's done: i'll be able to walk into my rebuilt studio and finally start recording material that was written for period 3.

and, i'll need to carry on with vlogging stuff, too, in between.

i actually had a really fun summer, and i guess you can check the vlogs for that. but, that's the plan for the fall. let's hope it goes through without complication.

i got a large order on saturday night (11 physical cds), so i'm going to need to flip things around.

august has been a real wash. i've spent a lot of time drinking and a lot of time sleeping but not much time doing anything of any worth. i think this order is going to pull me out of the doldrums, so it's probably a good thing.

it means those shelves are not going to get built for another month, probably. they should be built already, i just couldn't catch up on the vlogging - i kept falling asleep. well, i was procrastinating, really, and then falling asleep when i sat down to work at the end of the night. the general apartment project will need to be halted until i catch up. and, this is going to push me right through, until 2003.

that's going to throw everything out of sequence, which, for right now, means i'm going to put the diary part of the aleph-projects on hold. i should have liner notes for inri000-inri002 up by now. if somebody buys them, i'll prioritize it.

in fact, if i'm getting back into the sequence, i could end up getting back to the alter-reality, too.

i guess this is real-life - things skewed across the apartment, court battles in process and anarchy in production. i don't exactly want to celebrate late capitalism, but perhaps i'm deluding myself in thinking i can escape it.

i have nearly 50 discs to close over the next few weeks. so, i'll be posting more, here.

i just want to post an update here...

i'm ever so further from catching up. i've lost weeks to all kinds of needless things. my laptop came back, but i had to ditch the screen. and, then my grandmother sent me a check for a new machine, which is being used to fix all the little things i need to fix in my apartment - which will probably take me until the end of the summer.

i don't like the fact that i'm wasting all of this time, obviously. but, functionally speaking, i need to plan for a return by the end of the year at the latest in order to catch back up with the alter-reality. i had to stop updating the alter-reality at the end of 1996 because the next entry was a concert review (i mother earth / moist, jan 1997). and, further, i had to make sure everything was in line for the period disc, which is why i was recreating the history in this music vlog. so, i have to finish the concert reviews before i can back to the reconstruction. but, i'll also have to read my notes to get a clearer understanding of exactly what i was doing. that said, there really wasn't a lot to go over in 1997 besides reliving the past.

i was grounded until march, 1997. i then finished my second demo in junish. i moved shortly. and had no recording capacities until christmas, when i got the 4-track. inrisampled was created over the fall, but it is such a minor entry...

the point is that i can recreate this pretty quickly and that living it in real time isn't very important to the broader scheme of things. it's more important to build the period disc. and, i have to do that in sequence.

i have another court date coming up. basically, my landlord is doing things designed to coerce me to leave in retaliation for the previous battle, and she can't do that under canadian law. we don't really have a concept of property rights in ontario; instead, owning property binds you to a daunting list of responsibilities. not only does a property owner not have the ability to coerce a tenant out, but it's actually punishable under the criminal code. what i'm suing her for is rent, but what i want is a mediation process, and i might settle for nothing if i can get a decent course of action - if not, i will continue to sue her for back rent until she relents or she sells. that's what this is coming to, here. if i win this round, it's going to set off an all-out war, and i grasp that, but i'm not intending to move, either. sometimes, you just have to dig in and fight.

if i were to provide a guess on an eta as to when i can get back to posting substantive updates, i'd guess we're looking at around hallowe'en. it's not what i want, it's just life.

i have a habit of disappearing. i won't be back for a while, still. but, i'm at least in the process of rebuilding. i'll be filling in some holes over march, april and may as i go.

so, what happened?

well, i guess i got stuck trying to catch up with the concert reviews over february, and it just turned into a black hole. my head is fine - or at least as good as it's going to get. no headaches since the aspirin. i don't know...

as it is, i haven't touched the concert section since the end of march because i got sucked into a fight with my landlord that cost me the entirety of april through the process of editing. i haven't been doing anything except partying and editing since the first week of april.

i also broke my primary laptop at the beginning of may, but i might be able to fix it.

right now, i'm just trying to put together a series of loose ends, and then get back to the recursion. at some point soon, i'll be be back to the concert reviews, and then back to rebuilding. and, i'll have to remind myself where i was, when i stopped to rebuild.

the following reviews now have pictures:

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2010/10/10.html  (hey rosetta, ottawa)
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2011/01/21.html (braids, ottawa)
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2011/05/10.html (nils frahm, ottawa)
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2011/07/10.html (a perfect circle / electronic picnic, ottawa)
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2011/10/05.html (valleys/suuns/ps i love you, ottawa)
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2011/11/05.html (sheezer, ottawa)

there will be more after 2012, as i kind of made it a habit to take shots before i went out, and still do.

i finally got up until the end of 2011 comprehensively finished before i slept, yesterday.

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

i can't remember when i last updated this here, but i've uploaded a lot of videos here:


...and i've updated this list quite a bit, too:


i'm hoping i can get most of 2012 done today. it should be a lit faster, after that.

you ever had a headache for a month, solid?

the relief is the sweetest thing you can imagine, and while i'm aware that i'm under threat of relapse, i seem to at the least have developed a repeatably demonstrable solution to the problem.

so, did the aspirin fix the headache, or did the concussion just go away? i can't know. but, i think i'm going to be a little less apprehensive about taking aspirin going forwards, and a little less tied to some kind of hardcore notion of just toughing it out. i think i have reasons to periodically use it as a blood thinner...

or, maybe it was the blood work.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloodletting

so, i'm back from round two of the hospital visits (and i stopped to get a blood test, so it was about an hour and a half wait, if you're curious).

i want to be clear that i'm dealing with a serious head injury. whether my analyses turn out to be founded or not, i'm not wasting anybody's time in exploring the full range of possibilities regarding diagnoses, tests and treatment options. that said, i walked out of the hospital a little uneasy about the analysis, and without losing a feeling of needing to monitor myself closely.

after explaining the situation, he started by squashing the idea that i may have had any kind of stroke, mini-stroke or embolism on the night in question - he said there was no way i could have walked away from the situation after having a stroke (i'm not convinced that is true...), that i'm not showing symptoms of a stroke (i'm not sure this is true, either) and that the multitude of classic post-concussion symptoms should clarify the point: i was concussed.

so, it's official: i've been diagnosed with a concussion, and with post-concussion syndrome. that fact carries some weight with it. but, you'll take it for what it's worth, given that neither of us saw what happened.

i'm actually willing to go along with this, though. from this point on, we're going to assume the root cause of the situation was a concussion, and i'm going to have to invest some time into figuring out how that happened the next time that i'm in the vicinity of the club. again: the bouncer told me. but, i was just coming back into consciousness, and it's lost...

well, the next question is obvious: could i have developed clotting as a consequence of the concussion?

theoretically.

but?

but that would mean you'd be hemorrhaging badly, and you're just not showing those kinds of symptoms.

and that's solid? it's not possible that i could get clotting from mild bleeding?

what you're angling at is not impossible, but is extremely unlikely.

well, how do you explain the fact that the aspirin works after a long delay and for a long time, and the tylenol doesn't?

the truth is i can't. sometimes tylenol works, and sometimes aspirin works, and sometimes one works and the other doesn't, and sometimes they both work and sometimes neither do. there's no logic to it.

i suspect there's some logic to it...

there's no logic to it that anybody really understands. we're not even sure how they work.

hrmmmn. but, the absence of a systemic classification doesn't entirely rule out my deduction.

it doesn't. but, if you were dealing with clots, you'd be in far worse shape than you're in.

but, what i'm concerned about is the possibility that i'm developing clots. i obviously hadn't had a stroke yet. but, couldn't the aspirin be thinning the blood and preventing the clot from forming? and, if it is, and i'm on the brink...

there's no "on the brink". it's binary...

----

and, i'm going to stop here, because i know this is wrong. people take aspirin as blood thinners. it is clearly a thing. but, what do i do from this point? yell at him to take a blood test? demand anticoagulants? raise a workers revolt in the er room? demand him to present a source?

i did none of these things. i just sat quietly and waited for him to finish, aware that he had already decided i'm not under threat of anything, and was telling me lies in order to shuffle me out of the place.

i had already reasoned going in that i was unlikely to walk out of the place with anything more than an instruction to continue taking aspirin. what i wanted was a way to measure the concern, so i'd have some quantifiable measurement of the problem. if the situation persists, i'll have to try again.

for right now, i've actually avoided the aspirin up to this point for today. perhaps the pre-clot has been broken up by the aspirin, and that's the end of it. or, perhaps the effects of the concussion are subsiding.

but, i'll reiterate that i've been officially diagnosed with a concussion and post-concussion syndrome, that i need to continue to monitor this and that that might not be my last trip to the emergency room over this.

i should be transporting myself to the hospital right now, but the wind chill has picked up. take off, eh, right? the one night that i need to go for a walk...

my head has been clear enough since about 11:00 am. and, i've been chipping away at the list since around 5:00. but, i can feel it starting to come back, though. that's a clean 15 hours. aspirin just doesn't last 15 hours as an anti-inflammatory agent...

ugh. you can't blame me for not wanting to deal with this. but, no - i need to bundle up and get out the door.

i don't have an actual update to the html file, but the playlists have both update and i've got the first few months of 2012 done. i wanted more than this done, but, so be it...

i need to shave and go.

so, it's consistent - it takes the aspirin about an hour and a half to take effect, and over two hours to really work. when the aspirin is working, i can feel the headache as a dull stab in the back of my sinuses, if that makes sense, but it doesn't overtake me - it allows me to function. the aspirin then works in keeping the headache manageable for roughly 20 hours, before it gets debilitating again.

the last several times i took tylenol, it did not work at all.

i am neither a chemist nor a doctor, but the evidence in front of me suggests that the aspirin is functioning as an anti-coagulant, rather than as an anti-inflammatory drug. the reasons for this are due to the ineffectiveness of tylenol and both the delay in aspirin working, and the length of time it lasts for.

i am going to bring myself back to the hospital over night under the premises of concerns about clotting, and hope they can advise on immediate steps in a way that avoids a catscan.

i am probably not at risk for a heart attack, but i may be at risk for a stroke. and, i may have actually had a stroke on that night, due to the interaction of nicotine with estrogen.

ok.

i ain't dead yet...put the champagne away for at least another day...

the windows are closed. and, my headache is back, albeit not as bad as it was two days ago.

it's been long enough for me to take some more aspirin, and we will see in two-three hours from now if the relief is in the form of aspirin or fresh air, which will answer a more fundamental question: do i have a blood clot in my head?

if the aspirin resolves the pain, i am going to conclude that i do actually have a blood cot, and i'm going back to the hospital with this new evidence, which i believe eliminates the need for a cat scan in moving forwards.

hey. i'm a math nerd. this is what i do: i solve problems. and, i'm right. and, if you're a doctor, you know it, too.

i have this  playlist updated, now, which is actually a big step forwards.



and i'm going to stop to sleep...i've been awake since a little after midnight...

so, i have some good news in the sense that i got a full day in without serious headaches.

but, the real test is as to whether i wake up in the morning or not as i allow the aspirin's effects to wear off.

the windows have been closed for a few hours, and they have to be with the turn in the weather. the headache has actually stayed away, but it's like i'm walking a high wire act and prepared to fall off: i can feel the tension underneath, just waiting to reassert itself

i'm going to keep the windows closed for at least a few days, and we'll see what happens. do i wake up with a headache? does the aspirin work without opening the windows after all, and in such a way that suggests it's working as a blood thinner rather than an anti-inflammatory? and, if so what next...

i'm a little uneasy about this, actually. hopefully i'm still alive in a few hours and can get back to the more formal concert build-up.

the walk to the hospital was truly brutal - i was legitimately in some brutal pain, and rather concerned about it.

but, a funny thing happened when i got to the hospital: the headache slowly lifted. note that my experiences over the last several days has been that i get an hour or two when i wake up, and then a headache i can't deal with until i fall back asleep, when the pattern reverses.

it became clear while i was waiting in the waiting room that what's causing the headache is the gas leak, or the air quality down here, in general. and, that itself was remarkably relieving.

i'm not yet ruling out the possibility of head trauma - you'll recall that i lost my sense of smell for days - but i've got a strong cause and effect on the immediate cause of the headaches being environmental.

i waited to see the doctor, anyways. she actually offered me a catscan as a precautionary measure. i would have taken an mri, it's what i was there for after all, but i didn't see the need to put myself through the radiation risk of a catscan....

let's say i take the cat scan. what next?

you'll come back in a week for another cat scan.

so, how about i just wait a week, then?

it's up to you...

indeed, it is. pro-tip: never trust a doctor.

but i at least got a better grasp on what they can do, based on what it could be.

1) if it's a concussion, there's nothing i can do except wait.
2) if there's bruising or bleeding, they'll have to do scans and go from there.

i've only been back inside for a few moments and i'm already feeling queasy. we'll see how things change when i drop my cart back off and come back in.

it's clear enough, though: the air quality in this basement is toxic and the windows basically need to be open at all times until it's dealt with.

the tylenol stopped working a few days ago.

i tried aspirin this morning with no effect.

i am unable to do anything except stare at the wall. so, i am taking myself to the hospital.

yes: the hospital. a clinic could not do anything except give me drugs (which i don't want, and won't take, unless i get a clear diagnosis first) and send me to the hospital. i want some tests done regarding potential bruising or burst vessels, along with being checked for stroke symptoms....

i'm not walking out of there with a codeine prescription, either. that's how they get you. i'd take a gram of the green, but you have to fucking mail order it....

well, the good news is that my throat doesn't hurt anymore. but, that inflection point didn't go through: my head didn't fully clear yesterday, and took me out several times, including at the end of the night.

i woke up with a mild background headache: it's workable, but a reminder that i'm not over it, yet.

i just finished up the last few shows from 2011 this morning, so i'm making progress. slowly, through a difficult wrench, but surely. i'm going to eat now, and hopefully i'm able to be productive after lunch. but, i could end up waiting for the headache to pass, too.

is this all the result of whatever happened the other night at the festival? i've been noticing a symptom of very bloodshot eyes. but, you'll recall that i was complaining about that weeks ago, and that i thought it was connected to the hep b (which i don't actually have). and, you'll recall that i've been complaining about headaches connected to the gas leak in here...

my nose has not been working recently, but i'll point out that i woke up to that same nasty smell, this morning, that i've been associating with the leaks, which i've been associating with the headaches. how much of this is due to concussion, how much of it is due to gas leaks, how much of it is due to allergies and how much of it is due to the virus are things i'll probably never be able to disentangle.

what i really want is for the temperature to stay above ten degrees so that i can keep the windows open and get some fresh air in here without cranking the heat up.

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

this is another way to order the data, and is in some ways more complete, although it is also omits shows where i could only find a clip or two.

obviously, the set has to be from the same tour to be included.

this band was always obscure even amongst obscurantists, so this reunion set might be the best i'll ever find. i was able to confirm, at the show, that they are all cardiacs fans, though.

i'll again put out a request for a full set from 2010 or 2011....if you've got it, get it up and find a way to let me know....

i got nailed by my head this morning and was forced to take a nap. the tylenol just decided to stop working, and left me entirely debilitated. i woke up to a much more normal high pressure, sunny february day - and suspect that the dramatic shift in atmospheric pressure and 25 degree celsius drop over night at least didn't help.

but, it may actually be an inflection point, as it's come down to a mild annoyance. hopefully, i can get a good dent into this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0ixf6eME28

i'm up to mid-2011, now. about to crash....

i will be very productive tomorrow.

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

it's two weeks, and my head is still throbbing.

it also turns out that a loss of smell is a common concussion side-effect.

it's pretty clear that i had a concussion, at this point. but, how?

i wish i could remember exactly what happened before i lost consciousness. but, that's a part of having a concussion: you don't remember how it happened.

i remember putting my sweater on to go outside after the ritual howls set, and i remember that adult was playing when i went back in, after i came to. i caught the bulk of their set, even. so, i'm really only missing ten-twenty minutes of the night. so, like....i could have even been hit by the door. you know?

i didn't have any bumps on my head or visible marks. but, i'm clearly dealing with a post-concussion syndrome. and, i don't have any real reason to think it's going to clear by tonight.

it goes away fairly quickly with some tylenol; i'm not writhing in agony, or anything. but, it would be nice if it would go away, now.

i guess i slept all day.

the truth is that the headache never really went away. but, the sinuses haven't cleared, either. so, i still can't say whether i'm dealing solely with a virus, or with a virus + a concussion or even with a virus + allergies + a concussion.

if the virus doesn't go away soon, it might last so long that the concussion symptoms disappear, too - in which case, i'll never know if i had one. shrug.

as with last month, the editing process (i have to write up the blurbs...) is being slowed down by externalities, but i should be able to get it all down after i eat and back to finishing the concert listings. it's easy to blame the slow down on the detour, but we can all see that it isn't the problem....

as of right now, it does not seem likely that i will go out anywhere on the weekend. the weather is also set to turn. but these sicknesses tend to rapidly reverse themselves, and the timing of the fronts is hard to say, as well.

i did get some major cleaning over the last ten hours or so, but it hasn't really resolved the smell.

the truth is that my nose remains unable to discern between different smells, or even the existence of one. the coffee, the toast and the hallway all smell the same to me. but, i'm worried that the background smell of dank smoke has taken over the entire unit.

?

the reason is that the smell is closest to the ceiling, and in every direction. it's even in the farthest rooms, where smoke from two floors up and on the other side can't possibly be seeping in to. i'm almost willing to conclude that the direct upstairs neighbour (the obese one...) started smoking.

but, then again, i always thought he was a secret bathroom smoker.

the reality is that i can't react until my sense of smell returns. i can't even tell toast, coffee and smoke apart. i could be imagining the whole thing.

but, the other possibility is that the ceiling upstairs is still out, or is out in a different place. that would allow the smoke two floors up to invade the upstairs, and then seep down here.

for right now, all i can really say is that i'm not experiencing the turnover in the air that i was hoping i'd experience. the air feels like it's stuck in here, and the open windows aren't really helping much. i'm going to make it a point to turn the heat right off this afternoon.

i need to do some shopping today. it's going to be gorgeous out. i'm only at midday, but i'm a little sleepy, so i'm going to get a nap in, and go from there.

how am i doing?

i'm feeling a whole hell of a lot better. really.

i'm skipping this show tonight:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMueDWG86JU

it's an experiential thing, solely. apparently, they follow the same algorithm every set, so once you've heard it once you've heard it all. and, while i'm sure i'd enjoy it, i'd rather stay in and nurse my remaining sickness.

the headache is gone. but, i've also had the windows open all day and will probably leave them open for the next several days. when my nose cleared enough this morning to regain a sense of smell, the first thing i noticed was that my apartment smells like stale smoke and that it may have been a part of the cause of my coughing fits.

i'm focusing right now on cycling the air out, which is going to mean an early spring cleaning. i want to focus on finding hidden sources of dust. i forgot to clean at all this month....

i've spent the last several days editing and watching vlogs, which are now being uploaded. i'm happy with this algorithm: a few hours to edit for the month, a few days to render, about six hours to watch them and then a few days to upload. then i'm not thinking about it for another month...

i've made some progress with the show reviews, but it's been slow due to distractions. i'm not particularly upset about this. but, i'd like to get over the hump tonight, too.

so, that's the last few days: necessary editing shit while nursing a cold, and being less productive than i could be due to distraction. hey, i read a few things. i'm not wasting time, i'm stretching it out.

i've had a busy few weeks, but the actual reason i've been unproductive is the headache, which is finally lifting - although the congestion is migrating from my chest to my head. every time i've sat down to do something, i've passed out...

i dunno.

when i was a kid, i was diagnosed with "chronic bronchitis" as a consequence of living in a house with a lot of second-hand smoke (my mom was a heavy smoker and largely denied the premise of second-hand smoke as a problem). that's not exactly asthma, but it's in the same neighborhood. basically, i'm not in danger of the scarier complications of asthma - i just cough a lot, sometimes. this is about the right time of the yea for it, and i know there's not anything i can do about it. this is actually one of the reasons it took me so long to quit smoking: i knew it wouldn't clear the bronchitis. it doesn't usually come with headaches or congestion, though. i mean, i might be going through a bronchial fit at the same time as something else, or several things, or something else may have even triggered it (that's something that has happened before...), but it's not the cause of this congestion that happens every time i go outside, or the headaches, or the sore throats.

i'm going to experiment with the claritin by popping a pill every time i go out. i'm putting myself at risk of a false positive for a while, but if it works then i'll stick with it. if it doesn't......i just don't know...

i think i may inquire about some antibiotics for oral thrush at the beginning of the month, or otherwise get him to look at my throat.

on top of that, it was absurdly warm here today for the time of the year, nearly 20 degrees, so my neighbour ruined it by turning the a/c on :(. if he's going to have the a/c on all week, i'm going to have to turn the heat up to 30 to compensate. that's going to make it that much drier in here. but, hopefully i can get the windows open during the day.

for right now, i've finished the editing for vlogs from jan 22-feb 15. they will render overnight, and i'll watch & upload them tomorrow. resources are going to be a little slow on the machine for the night, but the process of building the show review archive can actually even be done offline. i can work in a new window...

i ended up at a concert on saturday night, slept all of sunday and then lost monday and tuesday fighting with facebook. i was then actually more productive yesterday and this morning than it seems.

it's the rightmost column, here, that is what i spend the time on:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

the following playlist was updated, concurrently:

it was mostly an augmentation process. so, it was a lot of searching and arranging and downloading. but, it is now much more complete.

i'm going to stop to eat. i do intend to hit the show tonight, but we'll see if i can get out in time or not.

that was a disappointing day: too much ranting.

i should have finished this today. i at least got the framework down.
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

back at it tomorrow...

so, this process was a little slower yesterday than i'd have liked it to be, and i'm slow getting back to it today, but i'm about to get back to it and expect to get at least most of it done by the end of the day.

the air quality is poor this morning, but it's middling: the fan is enough. but it's annoying. i'll be glad when it warms up enough that i can just keep the windows open all of the time.

i'm firming up saturday as a night out. it's going to depend on how i feel tomorrow. but, i'm actually really not at all interested in anything on the bill; it's all very generic and largely boring. it's the kind of thing that's all image and no substance. it's billing itself as an "industrial" festival, but i'd describe it more as a bunch of millenial hipsters imagining what they think industrial was through the filter of bad films and shitty books. see, i'm willing to shrug all that off, though, for the opportunity to just dance all night. but, i'm a little iffy on the weather. if i don't go, that's a shame; but, i don't feel like i'm missing anything, either. the actual upside is that i'm definitely going to miss the bus, so i'd end up at the works for the rest of the night. that really extends the night. but, the walk is...i dunno...i'm still thinking about it...

if i go, it's going to be against my better instincts. but, i kind of want to support the festival, too, even if i think it's a little weak to start off with, because it's at least a good idea.

for right now, i want to get back to it and hopefully get close to finishing...

i was worried that i was going to have to find a way around my router. but, the update was both a little deeper and a lot less complicated than i thought.

so, the appspot site is now serving from python 2.7:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/

...which means that google won't shut me down in the summer.

now, to get the show reviews up...

the show schedule for the rest of the month is going to depend on the weather, but is made up of an array of classical & jazz performances and techno nights.

it's not that there aren't rock shows happening, it's that the genre is no longer consistently creative. i understand that rock shows, moving forward, are going to be sporadic. i will need electronic, jazz and classical forms to fill the vacuum...

i'm staying in tonight...

...and then i could be out every other night or stay in for weeks. saturday depends on the timing of the cold front; it's going to have to be warm, though, and seems unlikely.

now, i need to figure out how to upgrade from python 2.5 to python 2.7.

yesterday ended up split between days. that happens when my schedule clashes with my circadian cycle: i end up napping out of sequence, then stumbling through the end of the day until i get back in the cycle. so, i was eventually up yesterday evening around 20:00 and able to lock back into the pattern. i was a little slow getting started, but i'm back into it.

that said, i'm planning on shifting gears for the night, and getting back at the rebuild tomorrow.

first off, i skipped a band called lemuria tonight...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJ4n2b2_RxY

i stated that february could have a lot of shows; it seems like it's going to rather have a lot of skipped shows.

again: i'm not actually a fan of this band. in truth, i had not even heard of them until about a week ago. so, this was another whim show just to go out and have a beer and enjoy the walk. but, the weather turned nasty (again...) and i decided against it.

i think i probably should have heard of them previously as they exist in a genre i like and seem to be good at it, but this is right in the middle of my kind of deadzone period, about 2005-2009. i was more introverted than usual over these years...

as it is, i don't have those memories, and didn't want to go out in the cold.

delicate steve is tonight and it's also pretty unlikely, although i haven't ruled it out entirely, yet. it's just too cold out. i know delicate steve a little bit better: this is a kind of a twisted, post-modern joke that i suspect a large percentage of people aren't really in on. if i were to go at all, it would be solely on a lark, kind of thing. i know i'm going to cringe. the point is enjoying the cringe...

but, i want to do a little research on what the live show is actually like before i rule it out altogether. i dunno - you tell me: is this worth it, or is it just a frustrating tease that ultimately spins out and would be worth a beer on a nice night but is just not worth braving the cold for on this one?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4BvqSE2G7U

it's very low probability. but, i could surprise myself at the last minute. i've done it before...

but, now that i'm past the cloud nothings show last night, what i need to do tonight is my formal run through for the month. that will take a few hours and make the rest of the month make more sense. major question to answer: am i going to have extra cash at the end of february if i don't go to the al di meola show, which is considerably more expensive than the shows i'm used to going to?

when i'm done, i'm going to pivot into rebuilding the show review archive:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

this is clearly very out of date, with links to dead facebook posts and a cut off date in january, 2014. but, it will not be very time consuming because all of the reviews are written....

...except the one for the show last night. so, i'll need to do that....

...and we'll have to see where we are when i get there.

update: refractions is posted to may 16, 2015.

update: thru is posted to may 14, 2015.

update: lalalala posted to may 11, 2015.

update: reflections was posted to may 3, 2015.

that is also the end of 2002 in the rebuild, which was a heavy year that was never finished properly, but is now. i finished up until may, 2003 before i circled back to do the reconstructions from tape, so there's not a lot more left to do before i get lost in the interference (that i've still yet to fully resolve).

update: flying was posted to may 2, 2015.

update: my sixth lp was posted to may 2, 2015.

update: untitled is posted to april 27, 2015.

i've had short days for weeks...

i finally get a long day, and the stomach wrench hits along with the warm front.

so, i'm wide awake but have to stop and curl.

i was much more productive, today, getting two and a half months in. or, perhaps, the volume went down. either way, let's hope i can stay this productive when i get back to it on wednesday.

update: the psilocybin symphony was appended to on jan 10, 2015.

i just finally finished the entire rebuild for 2014.

i need to do the entirety of 2015, too, but the posting was far more sporadic. i lost almost all of january to show reviews. februrary, march and april were all spent on the guitar concerto. may put together a lot of loose ends. and, then the interference hit in june and july and i got sucked into the canadian election cycle over the fall and then the american one over the winter and the spring (which was spent archiving...)

the vlogs also start in october, 2015.

i'm going to stop to clean tomorrow. i don't know how much more i'll get tonight. and there's still a lot to do. but, i feel like i just got over a huge hump, too.

update: atom's / taught to twist posted to dec 12, 2014.

update: trepanation nation is posted to dec 7, 2014.

ok. back at it. and, i want to push myself to the end of the year, so i can stop to do some cleaning afterwards.

today just kind of disappeared. i decided at the last minute to do an unplanned grocery run, due to the long term forecast not providing the reprieve i wanted in the first week of february. it's actually been a relatively mild winter overall, but my grocery runs are three or four hour walks, often with a cart, so i was hoping to get a day above zero and without snow, to facilitate the cart. alas...

i get the january check before christmas, so it's always a weird month, grocery wise. it's predictable that i'll end up doubling my january bill, then buying almost nothing in february. which is what seems to be happening, again.

the upside is that i have nothing planned until the cloud nothings show on the 7th. my body is tired and my feet are sore, so i don't expect to finish anything else tonight. but hopefully tomorrow is the big day....stated yet again....

update: the imaginary tour demo is posted to nov 19, 2014.

update: time is posted to nov 19, 2014.

update: 9:46 is posted to nov 15, 2014.

update: rabit is wolf is posted to nov 8, 2014.

so, about an hour ago i hear all kinds of smashing and drilling and sawing upstairs. a few minutes ago, i finally went up to see what the commotion is..

"what are you guys doing?"
"tearing the ceiling down."
"can i ask why you're tearing the ceiling down?"
"there's a leak upstairs."
"can i..."
"there's a leak upstairs. it needs to be fixed. would you like to help?"
"i'm not going to be of much help to you...."

it's not my fault. i was born with this.

i just want to clarify that i'm waiting this guy out.

he's dangerously obese, and in his 60s. he should die any day, now. heart attack. diabetes. he could fall and be unable to get up.

i'd kind of like to sit the new property owner down and explain this to him. i'm not sure what the exact relationship is, now. the previous owner was the guy's brother; i think that the new one is an in-law. he may be a little unclear about the reality of the situation, which is that i'm his long term tenant. the fat moron upstairs has five years, max. the heavy smokers two flights up are no doubt going to leave when their son moves out, which should be in a year or two; otherwise, they've had health issues, themselves. there's another tenant upstairs that is also old and in visibly poor health.

i am thirty years younger, and in excellent health. i won't just be here longer than any of the other tenants, i'll probably be here longer than the existing property owner owns the building for.

so, i'd kind of like to sit him down and level with him. he should be concerned about what i want, first and foremost - because i'm the one he's going to have to be dealing with, years down the road.

so, that's two saturday mornings in a row that this smell has wafted downstairs and started to affect my head.

here's another thought: i don't have the slightest clue what crack-cocaine smells like. could somebody in the building be smoking crack? i wouldn't be able to identify it - i'd just notice something smells bad and complain about a headache.

windows are open until it passes....

i got up until the end of october done yesterday, which is much less than i'd like. but, hopefully, i can get that extra push today.

update: clarity is posted to oct 21, 2014.

update: the wave is posted to oct 6, 2014.

i'm actually glad that i'm doing this, as much of a pain in the ass as it is, as i really am going to have to give the second part quite a bit of a facelift to finish the remaining sections.

there's a lot of stuff coming. a chamber music compilation. a vocal disc, with vocals that are currently unreleased. and, expansions of almost all of the singles...

these are mostly ideas that i chickened out on the first run through. as i said before: the focus is different, now. no, i want to be comprehensive. so, all of these ideas need to come back...

i'm excited. really.

but i have to finish this, first. i didn't expect it would take this long. but i guess i underestimated the breadth of writing.

really, i should have done this over the summer, before the alter-reality came up. now, i'm stuck - and i have to push through.

at least i'm getting some listening in, too. that's always a benefit.

this is great news:
https://daily.bandcamp.com/2017/01/24/everything-is-terrific-the-bandcamp-2016-year-in-review/

i had a false start yesterday due to finding an error in the vlogs from the 19th and 20th (of january) at the last minute, requiring a re-render. and, then i had a publishing error this morning that stole about 10 gb of bandwidth...

but, i'm posting today. starting now. and, in fact, i want to get a lot done.

fwiw, the window was only open for about an hour this morning and i don't currently plan to re-open it. we'll have to see, but right now it seems like it's ok....

this editing process was slowed down by a number of weird factors, but i should be back to posting within an hour or so. i just need to call my gp to book an appointment, presumably with an urologist.

i'm a big advocate of tort law. and, i think that the solution to smokers rights v. non-smokers rights lies in shifting the burden to the smokers, themselves.

so, while i'm not really an advocate of laws that ban smoking, i am an advocate of adopting a "polluter-pays" approach to dealing with the externalities related to cigarette smoking. remember: i live in canada. so, i can support high taxes for cigarettes, but only under the argument that the money goes towards health care. what i'm talking about right now, though, is the question of what is to be done about tenant smoking, and finding ways to balance tenant rights for smokers and non-smokers.

i would both argue that smokers have the right to smoke and argue that non-smokers have the right to not smoke. the novel part of my argument is that i would argue that non-smokers should have the ability to hold smokers liable for costs incurred in smoke-proofing their buildings. for the practical example in front of me, i would argue that the smokers in the building should be held liable for the heating and electrical costs incurred as a consequence of me opening the window to neutralize their habits. if a cost is placed on their pollution, perhaps they'd think twice about causing these externalities.

so, i woke up to a different smell today: cyanide & carbon monoxide. that is, the smell of cigarette smoke.

that's a smell i know well. it's dankness - the way it falls over everything like a blanket. you simply can't address this without opening the windows and letting the room air out.

i'm actually not sure if the tenant directly above me smokes or not. i think he might be a secret smoker from time to time, which is why this comes and goes. i think that the other tenant on the main floor does. the tenants two floors up are very heavy smokers and you can smell it when you walk in the front door but it doesn't usually bug me down in the basement.

this isn't the first time i've noticed this, but i don't think it's been this bad before; or, perhaps, my smell is better now than it has been since i've moved here. but, i didn't quit smoking just to deal with the second-hand smoke from upstairs. so, i'm not backing down on this point: the windows will remain open (with the heat up...) until the smell clears out.

and, the answer is to stop smoking inside.

update: jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj is posted to oct 3, 2014.

update: existence is posted to oct 3, 2014.

i crashed hard this afternoon after yet another absurd day down here...

as mentioned here repeatedly, the situation has been clearing up over the weekend, although not decisively. and, while the smell seems to be gone now, it may take a while for the apartment to clear out completely and me to get my head back. i remain oozy, but am a little better than yesterday (which was a little better than the day before). i am convinced that something was fixed, at least, and believe it was a consequence of my tactics to draw attention to the issue. if the issue reappears, i will not hesitate to repeat.

but, what happened? i glossed over this in the vlog, but i'll be more detailed, here.

there was rattling upstairs on friday afternoon. the smell became noticeable on saturday morning; the headache hit before noon, and i fell asleep. i opened the windows on saturday night and actually mostly left the heat off (except when i was up to eat). the initial goal was to try and get him to turn the heat back on upstairs; given that i believed that the cause of the leak was turning the heat off the other day, getting him to turn it back on would at least put him face to face with the device, and have him see if he damaged anything. i sent the email out on sunday, which explicitly pointed to the likelihood that something was knocked loose on friday. it was not until monday morning that i gave up hope on him turning his heat back on, and turned mine up to 30.

late on monday morning, i heard another rattling upstairs followed by the liberal use of a spray bottle. about an hour later, a "gas inspector" that looked a lot like the new property owner showed up in construction gear. he walked around a little and concluded there was no sign of a gas leak, but agreed, when pressed, that the fact that i've had the windows open for several days would make it hard to get a good reading.

i gave the guy upstairs a chance to be honest, but i didn't expect that he'd take it. in the few years that i've been here, i've experienced nothing but dishonesty from him. he wouldn't admit to why he wanted to let dogs down here, for example. and, his own brother has asked me to not give him checks because he, himself, doesn't trust him. if your own brother does not trust you at 60-some years, there must be a serious problem, right?

but, i've been clear - repeatedly - that i do not think that he can be held legally liable and ultimately elevate responsibility elsewhere. the way you want to think of it is like this: suppose you told a six year-old that you think he accidentally broke the furnace. six is maybe a tad young, but you get the point. if that six year-old is home alone, and you told them this over email or phone, what would the six year-old do? well, first, it would check to see if it could fix the situation, and then it would destroy any evidence (such as spraying the area - and i don't actually know if febreeze would mask natural gas). then, it would deny culpability in any way possible by blaming others or making things up. if you asked the six year old directly, the six year old would lie. if eventually caught, the six year old would admit that the reason it lied was that it didn't want to get in trouble.

now, this might seem a little outlandish, but the evidence i've gathered around me has led me to conclude that this is the psychology in front of me. i've been operating this way for quite a while, now. i mean, you might ask the reasonable question: if you think there's a gas leak upstairs, why not just knock on the door? and, the answer is that the person that opens the door is incapable of dealing with the situation in an honest or adult manner, and needs to be directed from outside.

the reason that i glossed over this is that - given the situation, more broadly - it doesn't matter. i need to do what i did to get a reaction. and, i got the reaction i wanted. hopefully, the experience is enough to act as incentive for everybody to be more careful with the furnace.

as mentioned, the gas guy looked a whole lot like the property owner. again: i didn't ask questions (except when i did, and he shuffled nervously). i mean, if he were to go to the absurd point of putting on construction gear to try and convince me of something...

he admitted his device couldn't pick much up in context, and instead tried to blame the smell on the baseboards. i guess the solution is another furnace, right? lol. i set this up to demonstrate that this idea does not make sense. but, i wanted an analysis, and not an argument, so i just let him walk out.

as mentioned: the smell (which, as has been the case previously, was localized in the bathroom) has lifted. they did something. they might not be telling me what they did. but, i got them to do it. and, hopefully the threat of expenses will have them behave more carefully in the future.

i'm going to get something to eat. the vlogs should be done rendering by then. and i should be back at it when the sun comes back up.

i'm a lot better right now, but i'm also apparently unable to close the windows without getting woozy. the stench continues. with the heat set to 30, it's a decent balance, for now.

again: i've pointed this out to the old property owner several times and i'm not getting a real answer. he's going to have to wait until his gas bill shows up to learn, i guess - along with his electrical bill, which is heating a basement with the windows wide open because the gas is leaking.

who am i kidding. he'll blame it on the windmills in northern ontario and demand a tax cut. i'm going to have to call the new property owners over the next few days; the landlord is useless, and i'm not going to even bother, i'll just leapfrog him right off.

anyways. i spent the morning finishing the editing up until jan 20th (inclusive), which means vlogs are done until the tenth of february. they're rendering, right now. i'll start uploading when i close the virtual machine when they're done rendering...

so, the last 48 hours were not a total waste. but i really hope i can get a head start on the rest of the week this morning.

focusing yesterday wasn't going to happen; i wasn't tired, but i needed to sleep. and, now i have a list of vlogs to watch.

the headache is still there, and the windows remain open...

i'm going to get something to eat soon. i expect today will be unproductive. a migraine can knock you right out.

windows are still open, and i'm noticing the same basic cause & effect as i have previously: the headache gets a lot better if i stand beside the window for a few minutes, even if it comes back afterwards.

methane - which is my concern, not carbon monoxide - is not a poison. it can't actually hurt you, in low concentrations. what it does is smother you, so you can't breathe. but, i'm obviously getting enough oxygen. so, if i'm right about what's happening, the headaches i'm getting from the methane are basically the same thing as getting woozy after climbing a mountain: i'm just experiencing low oxygen. there aren't long term side effects, or at least won't be if the exposure is kept minimal. it's just irritating.

i'm going to try and get back to work for a few hours. i don't promise much.

i had a mild headache yesterday morning, so i stopped at about 11:00 am to lie down for a few minutes. i wasn't planning on sleeping...

i woke up in the afternoon with a brutal, splitting headache complete with blurred vision and "aura": a textbook migraine.

i didn't have a history of these up until last year, but that's more than twice, now. but, the thing is that it seems to be correlated with the tenant upstairs turning the gas off...

i remain convinced that there is a gas leak in the basement, and that there's not a lot i can do besides open the window (as an incentive to action...) until the property owner fixes it.

the headache persists. it got a little better around midnight, but it's back - with aura. i don't expect to get anything done today.

so, i'm doing a little bit of vlog editing, instead.

update: spin... is posted to sept 24, 2014.

update: give 'em hell / strung out is posted to sept 7, 2014.

update: me, myself... was posted to sept 6, 2014.

i just split three days up into little pieces and, in the end, ended up back where i was to begin with. i guess i needed to catch up on the sleep. i was up on the 17th about 17:00, and ended up awake on the 19th at about the same time after sleeping for most of the day (in fact most of the last 24 hours). so, i'm cycled back around and ready to pick up where i left off.

but i need to pick up the pace...

i need to eat, first. and then i need to have a productive night.

also, in the long run i'll need to keep an eye on my cholesterol. but, it's currently actually pretty outstanding.

i've been over this: my diet seems terrible, until you realize that i don't eat very much and i walk a lot.....

these numbers are real. and attainable. note: both of my parents have/had high cholesterol. my dad actually had several life-threatening cardiovascular episodes before brain cancer got him, and his father died of heart disease. if this were a purely genetic concern, i'd be in a lot of trouble. and yet look at these numbers....

chol: 3.69 mmol/L = 66.42 mg/dl. this is actually lower than the normal range (3.8-5.2). i also have low blood pressure....

tg: 0.88 mmol/L = 15.84 mg/dl. lower end of normal range (0.6-1.7).

hdl:  1.37 mmol/L = 24.66 mg/dl. this is pretty much in the middle of the normal range (1.00-1.80). higher hdl is preferable (apparently, above 1.6). but, i have to keep in mind that i'm low, overall. the way you measure a situation like this is to look at a ratio, and while it's not on the print-out, google confirms my logic. my ratio is 2.69; under 3.5 suggests i'm at low risk for heart disease.

ldl: 1.92 mmol/L = 34.56 mg/dl. this is also lower than normal (2.0-2.6), but again you have to keep in mind that the total is low. the important ratio here is ldl/hdl, which is 1.4. that again suggests very low risk - around half of the average risk, it turns out.

non-hdl chol: 2.32 mmol/L = 41.76 mg/dl. this measure is just a difference between total cholesterol and good cholesterol; it's the amount of cholesterol that is not good cholesterol. apparently, i want to keep the difference between non-hdl and ldl less than 30 mg/dl. well, i'm at 7.2.

i have to keep an eye on this because i should be at high risk. but, my lifestyle is very different than either of my parents, and the effects of that are showing pretty clearly.

ok. umm...

i was vaccinated.

the doctor is...he's got a lot of work to do....this is why i asked for the print-out...

the blood test results indicate i'm positive for anti-hbs. that means i'm immune. given that i also have immunity to hep A, i must have gotten twinrix at some point.

the test that the lab requested is to determine if i may have defeated it naturally and become a "chronic carrier". note that a "chronic carrier" is not the same thing as a "chronic infection". whether i misunderstood or he misspoke is less important than getting it right...but i think he read the information too briskly and misspoke, leading me to a false understanding...

when i said today that i should wait until march because there's a temporal component and i wouldn't learn anything from an immediate test, he nodded and said something about a graph and appeared to be struggling to remember something he hadn't thought about since college. google is so remarkably useful. he was no doubt thinking about this:

if i had picked up hep b in the blackout, i wouldn't have tested positive for anti-hbs a mere 11 weeks after infection, which is what happened. i must have already had immunity. what he told me had led me to believe that they had picked up lgM anti-HBc which, at 11 weeks, would indicate exposure. that is not the case. this was a miscommunication.

if i wasn't in shock, i would have asked for it in writing in the first place.

doctors are not magicians. it's always a good idea to ask questions, get things in writing and do independent research. i'm not upset because i consider this to be my responsibility, and not his.

but this is cleared up. whatever sickness i had this month, it wasn't hep b. i'm already immune to hep b. and i think it's clear that i'm immune to hep b because i was in fact vaccinated.

i still don't know what happened that night, though.

i woke up sopping wet because i was outside in a torrential downpour. my reconstruction of the last moments of the blackout suggests it's probably why i got in the guy's car. but it means that any relevant evidence got washed off.

there was nothing on my clothes. and, i was bruised, but there was no residue.

i should have inquired around about the existence of an anal rape kit rather than assumed one doesn't exist. i was in a daze and didn't want to deal with it.

"There is no chronic (long- term) infection with hepatitis A. People do not become carriers of the hepatitis A virus."

"Avoid having sex while you're infectious – hepatitis A is most infectious from around two weeks before the symptoms start until about a week after they first develop."

ok. so...if i got hep A in the blackout, the person i got it from would have had to have been exposed recently. and, further, it would have had to have been in an anal-oral transmission. even in the worst blackout scenario, i would have no doubt gagged. 

i wish he would have told me that or printed the results out, because the transmission possibilities around hep A really rules out the possibility of a consensual encounter. i was either raped or i was vaccinated. which is more likely?

on the one hand, i think it's pretty low probability to suggest i happen to have been raped by somebody who was in an active transmission stage of hepatitis A in detroit in 2016. this is a third world disease that has a short window for transmission. and, i guess that detroit is in bad shape. but, poverty does not introduce disease, right? the disease has to come from somewhere. this is so unlikely as to rule it out.

unfortunately, however, the low probability of the scenario doesn't rule out all of the other evidence leaning towards a sexual encounter and a disease transmission: waking up with a sore anus and bruises, and then getting sick not once but twice over a long period of lethargy that included a bout of possible jaundice.

of course, it's not impossible that i could have had sex that night and already been vaccinated.

there's nothing i can do except wait. but, i think that the possibility that i got hep A is really so remote that the presence of antibodies is re-opening the potentiality of a vaccination in my mind; i had all but ruled that out once i got sick. and, if i got a hep A vaccination, i would have almost certainly gotten it with a hep B vaccination.

i can't handle being unable to deduce this. that's what upsets me. but, it's just more demonstration of the superiority of empirical epistemology. like i needed one....