the new youtube rules are not going to bother me, because i don't upload for the cash, anyways.

but i think, in the end, that youtube may find that the family-friendly market is less lucrative than it thinks.

this is an error. it could produce a set of serious competitors.

i don't have a problem with it. people just don't get the business model.

youtube is selling advertising space, not acting as a speech platform. they give you a cut of their revenue, but they don't even have to, really. it's just an incentive for you to upload. in the end, you're just being used as a conduit.

the actual financial transaction that occurs is that youtube sells space in your videos to advertisers. it's consequently entirely up to the advertisers as to whether they want to be associated with your videos or not. i think that's in their rights. and, if the advertisers don't want to be associated with you? that's their choice.

imagine your girlfriend breaking up with you because she doesn't like your politics. is that censorship? no. you have every right to keep talking. she just doesn't want to hang out with you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbph5or0NuM

this playlist may increase in size.

no biggie.

30/31-08-2016: listening phase completed (mp3--laptop-speakers) and looking ahead for sept shows

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

there's actually no reason that you couldn't have a 20th note, you just couldn't express it in terms of quarter notes because you get an infinite series. it's convergent. but it doesn't help the notation.

you couldn't count it, but you could feel it.

i flipped my fraction over and thought i had an answer (i do this, flip the fraction over, to myself all the time), because i'm actually used to dealing with these kinds of weird conversions as a relic of writing drum sequences in a scorewriter. there's lots of ways to convert weird signatures. the series just has to terminate. it doesn't here, but that's just bad luck.

if you split the bar into five equal temporal spaces, each one will be four fifths of a quarter note. .8/4 = 0.2. so, a 20th note would be 20% of a quarter note - which is 40% of an eighth note and 80% of a sixteenth note. indeed, .8*(1/16) = 1/20. you can't notate this using western music theory (because the series happens not to terminate....), but that doesn't mean it's undefined or unplayable

80%(1/16th) =
160% (1/32nd) =
1/32nd + 60%(32nd) =
1/32nd + 1.2(64th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + .2(64th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + .4(128th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + .8(256th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + epsilon =
3/64th + epsilon

you simply couldn't hear 80% of a 256th note. that's indistiguishable from human error.

so, a 20th note would be indistinguishable from a triplet of 64th notes. that means that 4/20 would be four triplets of 64th notes.

....which is a blast beat.

http://thehardtimes.net/2016/08/29/stoner-tech-metal-band-trying-really-hard-write-song-420-time/?fb_comment_id=1161463340592034_1163796750358693

if you want to watch or take part in pornography, go ahead. what do i care? and, you don't need my permission, either. just don't insult my intelligence by referring to your pornography as 'art'.

if you want to go to a strip club, go ahead. just don't pretend that you're going to a 'concert'.

...and if you want to let your kids watch strippers on tv, that's your choice. well, at least it is in the sense that you own the tv. your kids aren't your property. just, stop fooling yourself into thinking it's a 'music video'. it's not. they're strippers. and it's porn.

29-08-2016: some listening done between rants & raves (mp3--laptop--speakers)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

i'm just getting through the listening phase through my laptop without phones, and i have to publicly plead yet again: don't do it. this isn't a cheap laptop. and i'll acknowledge, even, that the highs sound pretty good. but you just simply get no bass out of laptop speakers, and you need bass.

when it comes to audio, your laptop is a fucking potato. stop.

and don't even think about using your phone...

i've never stated, in public or private, anything other than that my only regret was that i put my transition on hold way back when. i don't regret anything else that happened. and, i wouldn't do anything else differently. but i do very, very much wish that i would have dealt with this properly back in 2002.

the intent was to stop for a few months. that turned into a few years. and, it became financially difficult to pick up where i was.

it was a huge mistake....

....but i mean the choice to suspend was a mistake. x > y. sure. but, it's only that part that i'd reverse, if i could. then, we'd have to see what would happen from there....

yes: a lot of the things that happened would not have happened had i not paused. that is true. but, given that i did pause, i don't regret what i did. what i regret is only that i paused.

i simply can't know what the alternate path would have been, or how similar it would be to what actually happened. so, i can't say anything else. i can only look at the choices i actually made. and, there's really only one i'd reverse.

i'm sorry if that's not what you think, but i need to reiterate: i've never stated anything else. anything else is just in your head.

again: quality v quantity misunderstands what i'm doing. the question is whether i'm being thorough in documentation, or haphazard about it. this is not a film production, it's a vlog. how detailed am i being?

another way to put it is that i don't really have control over the viewing quality of my life, nor am i particularly concerned by it. what i have control over is how meticulous i am in building a historical document.

i went from not being able to sleep to crashing really, really hard. we had some rain move in. it does that to me. i haven't been able to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time the last few days. i feel awake, but we'll see.

j reacts to a dream about genetic factors in gender identity

i've been over this a few times: i really don't think that gender is genetic in the sense that there's a gene for liking skirts or a gene for liking cars. rather, i think it's partly hormonal and partly experiential. the only serious genetic determinant going into somebody's gender identity is consequently the way that their bodies regulate hormones.

that means that there actually might be an observable physical trait that i demonstrate that has something to do with things, which is the fact that i've never grown a single hair on my chest in my life. this is actually very rare. the categorization of "apilose" means "less than 6%".

...and i'm not exaggerating. nary a hair. ever. in my entire life.

(i'll remind you that i'm nearly 36. it's never going to happen.)

how does that happen? well, here's the truth: this is androgenic hair. that is, it's presence is triggered by the release of testosterone during puberty. humans demonstrate lots of variation, as a species. so, some dudes release huge amounts of testosterone and end up looking like hairy man-apes. others release a lot less and just end up with a little baby fuzz. and, yes: some women release enough testosterone to end up with hair on their chests and faces, too.

the fact that i've never grown any chest on my hair at all ever means that i didn't go through that testosterone flush. i can't tell you why not with any real certainty, but it's almost certainly genetic. note that my dad was a typical hairy italian jew.

and, hence this is where one needs to look at the genetic basis of things, for me. as mentioned: i think this is overly facile. it's not that easy. it's at most one of multiple factors. but, if i was a geneticist, that's where i'd be looking: the genes that regulate hormone release during puberty.

as an aside, that makes the issue reducible to a "hormonal imbalance" and the treatment of hormone therapy rational. but, it also means that the ultimate truth here is that i very much had a choice in correcting the imbalance: that i could have equally well chosen to pop testosterone pills. the ultimate choice here, at the end, has to be experiential, when seen that way.

26-08-2016: listening progress, but short day (mp3--sansa--440-IIs & mp3--laptop--speakers)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

24/25-08-2016: good progress in listening (mp3--sansa--440-IIs)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

slept through the tornado

i slept through the rain - you could tell it was coming down, certainly. and, i'm a bit north of it's path. enough that i don't expect to see any damage.

it's a little unnerving, though.

www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/tornado-windsor-lasalle-1.3734826

i'll be damned.

http://www.faradaytents.com/

listening is moving slower than i'd like (as always....story of my life....), but i just want to update that i am 100% certain at this point about what is happening with the distorted audio. there's no longer any ambiguity at all whatsoever.

for some reason, the cord in this specific pair of headphones is picking up a charge. it's very easily grounded - all i have to do is touch the tips. but, it's audible, too. because i'm just that type of audio nerd...

the issue, of course, is not persistent. it will sometimes stop, which is why i had so many false positives. i'm still going to need to do a lot of testing to figure out exactly what it is that is creating the field and whether certain pieces of equipment are acting as catalysts or not.

but, the basic reality that i'm living in some kind of magnet is now beyond question. what i'm going to do about it is a little less clear.

i'm opting strongly for building a tent to place around the recording space.

09. the summer of final reconstructions, pt 2 (inri012-inri013 + listening over distractions) (dvd 9)

20/21/22-08-2016: struggling to listen (mp3--sansa--449s/440-IIs) amidst insomnia and catastrophe

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

very briefly

"Owing to variations in humidity and likely clothing, recommendations for summer and winter may vary; a suggested typical range for summer is 23 °C (73 °F) to 25.5 °C (78 °F), with that for winter being 20 °C (68 °F) to 23.5 °C (74 °F)."

https://books.google.ca/books?id=KBbHmp2yisEC&lpg=PA149&ots=yTqUP4xIOx&dq=%2BASHRAE+%2B%22recommended+temperatures%22&pg=PA149&redir_esc=y&hl=en#v=onepage&q=%20ASHRAE%20%20%22recommended%20temperatures%22&f=false

my personal preference would be in the higher end of that range - and actually even higher than that, if the external temperature allows for it.

j

fwiw, i am in the midst of some massive insomnia in what is now a three day and may become a four day vlog. i've had several two-three hour naps

over the last three days, but every time it seems like i'm going to actually sleep i end up jolted awake....

i haven't been as productive as i'd have liked. there have been some annoying issues that have had to be tended to, and a little bit of time wasting,

although i am finally a good ways of the way through the final sansa listen. that is: mp3--sansa--440-IIs. it sounds great, so far. but, these are the

unshielded cables that are prone to interference.

thankfully, the temperature has come down. the a/c is off, so the heat is off.

....but i'm getting the feeling that things are 'back to normal' for me, meaning that these multi-day vlogs will be the new normal and sleeping more than

three hours at a time will only happen when my body just refuses to co-operate any further.

what that also means is that the vlogs may start to come up two-three times a week, but in extra long installments. i simply don't know how much

longer i'll be awake for. but, this at least three day vlog is currently over two hours.

i've stated repeatedly that this is documentation. i split the chunks of time up the way i do for a reason. and, if i can't sleep for a week then the vlog

will be 8 hours and you'll just have to accept it as it is.

the device is unfrozen

i don't know when it unfroze. i know the heat was on full blast most of the morning. i just checked now because i felt it cooling down in here and it was working again.

i guess it will happen again at some point, but it's useful to know that the situation is recoverable and it's up to you whether or not it's worth swapping out.

j

& there's no excuse for water falling through the ceiling

i haven't heard from anybody about the electrical yet.

but i'll tell you that if that happens one more time, i'm going to caulk over the wood panelling and you can deal with the water damage upstairs.

j

that same electrical box blew again..

hi.

the one on top of the couch. i think this is the third time, now.

i just want to clarify that i really require the heat on because of the a/c upstairs. i understand that the upstairs tenant has weight problems and needs for it to be unreasonably cool, but that absolutely requires me to turn the heat on to compensate. otherwise, the conditions down here would be equivalent to a meat locker. even opening the window has no effect. i've tried reducing the heat on multiple occasions and i've found myself in really dangerous situations. i've woken up shivering, for example. clammy skin. it's like living inside a fridge. yes, it's unpleasant. but, it's worse - it's dangerous.

you have to keep in mind that the listed temperature on the thermostat becomes somewhat meaningless in the face of the refrigeration. it's like the wind chill effect, or the humidity effect. they'll say it's 27 degrees, but feels like 40 with the humidity. if i turn the heat off, the thermostat will say 27 degrees but it will feel like 18 with the a/c.

it's the summer. i like it in the mid to high 20s. i feel i have every right to enjoy that and that if he needs the a/c on so high that it overpowers it then he's liable to compensate that through electrical costs.

so, i'm sorry - but i need that device replaced yet again. i'm going to go ask paul, but i know he'll need to call you anyways. and, so i again need to suggest that something be done about the electrical, which probably includes finding a way to either turn his a/c down or put it on a separate circuit.

(pause)

it just came back, but now it's frozen on full blast at 43 degrees celsius, which is obviously unsafe....

(pause)

it's back off again. i've explained to paul that it is probably a fire hazard, but he said he'll wait to call ryan in the morning.

(pause)

i don't know if it will come on and off or not, but at least it seems to be shutting itself off when it overloads

(pause)

.....and now it's back on again, so that's what's happening. it's in a loop. it comes on, it overloads, it shuts off, it comes on, it overloads, it shuts off - and it's frozen, i can't do anything.

j

18/19-08-2016: the return of productive insomnia (finally free of nicotine?), without productivity

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

i still haven't slept, fwiw. that's coming up on two full days, awake - excluding a short nap yesterday afternoon that i can't consider delineating. this could be a three day vlog. even if i crash soon, if i crash long...

i've spoken at length on my tendency to be awake for long periods, but i don't have a lot of evidence to show for it to this point. i think it's because i was still getting over the physical effects of nicotine withdrawal, which i found to be very powerful. i was also still smoking, if infrequently, meaning i kept pushing myself back off and into reset. it's been a month cold turkey, now - although this is not really intentional and after a long period of barely smoking. so, it's not the same as quitting cold turkey. it's more like a detox.

what i'm getting at is that it kind of feels like i tripped a wire or something. i've been doing something the last 36 hours that i actually rarely do: putting myself to bed. more characteristic is that i tend to wait until i just fall over. the result is that this very long day has not been productive.

but, it could be a sign of things to come. i could be back to my normal self, which is routine 45+ hour days. we'll see....

right now, i'm very hungry. we'll see how long i'm awake for after i get the blood sugar back up. long enough to finally finish with the 449s?

i have to point this out every now again...

i'm not even sure which sex i like better. well, i'm 35. nearly 36.  shouldn't i have that figured out? so, perhaps what that indicates is that i really don't like either.

there was a time where i reasoned that women were lesser douchebags, but i no longer think that that is true - women are just as douchey as men. that language is difficult, but i don't think it's confusing. but, i've discarded this thinking that women are emotionally superior, or something. we all have layers of hierarchy to disentangle. but, that means that i've discarded both sex and gender, preferentially. it's down entirely to individuality.

...and i hate everybody, as individuals. as people. as collections of character traits. almost everybody is a horrific asshole.

i don't even pretend to try.

yet, is it the case that i'm disinterested in others or the case that i'm obsessed with myself? there's a synthesis, no doubt.

if you cross out sex and gender as irrelevant altogether, and ignore that nobody agrees with this, what i've learned is that the biggest obstacle to a purely emotional relationship is that people want children. they say they don't, but they actually do.

therefore, i've concluded that i'm simply too young for a relationship.

there is some possibility that i may end up dating when i'm older, but my tinder profile will specify that i'm only interested in people that have adult children and that have minimal relationships with those adult children. that is my true sexual orientation: i'm only attracted to people that have a 0% interest in wanting to raise kids.

for now, file me under hyper-individualist asexual loner.

alter-reality update

august 19, 1996

the logistics around finding ways to create some supersexy swingin' sounds of my own

that was a lot longer between updates than expected, but i have good news - the room is finished and i've largely taken it over. i've been trying to find some friends to come down and jam but have been completely unsuccessful in convincing anybody. well, the truth is that there are at most three people on the planet that would admit to being a friend of mine, and none of them seriously want to play music. one of them is a skateboarder kid that i've known since the third grade and just listens to trendy hip-hop. we don't have much in common except that we went to a small school and have just kind of clung together as a consequence of it. there's some concept of trust there, at least, and sometimes that can be mutually reassuring. the other is a bmx kid that's into punk rock (sort of - i question his authenticity), but he has the attention span of a gnat and just could not make it through anything. i'm only really friends with him because of the assigned seating at school and, ironically, because i'm old friends with the other kid. they have a lot more in common with each other and get along better with each other. i'm kind of more of a conduit. i don't begrudge them - good for them. i'm happy i helped them find each other. it's more that i don't really know why i stick around with them, except that there's safety in some numbers. the other option is to turn myself into a sitting duck for bullies. again: at least there's some concept of trust with these two. but, they're the kind of teenagers that want to play outside on their boards/bikes or stay in and play video games. there's just no interest in any kind of art. i did ask the bmx kid already to try out the drums, and he just kind of laughed at me, as though he was obviously incapable. he said he didn't want me to yell at him for sucking. to be honest, i think he's right to react that way!

that's not to say that they don't respect my craft on some level. you have to remember that, while i'm only 15, i've been playing guitar for a long time, already. i can pick up just about anything in the style i like, which is broadly categorized as alternative/grunge. i'm truly pretty impressive for my age. but, for them, that's more intimidating than reassuring, especially considering that they can't put it into context. further, i don't have a reputation for patience. so, they can tell ahead of time what this is going to be like - i'm going to yell at them for not being able to keep up, and they're going to get frustrated and give up. then, i'm going to pout. again: they're right. that's exactly what would happen...

the third kid is a little more promising. he's a big marilyn manson fan and seems to legitimately want to start a punk band. i don't really like marilyn manson, but i am a really big nine inch nails fan and i like punk, too, so surely we can find some common ground. the problem is that he's kind of flaky. he wants to play bass, but he's more concerned about the image involved in getting a "goth guitar" than he is in getting something that sounds good. he's also stood me up a few times, already. so, i don't know if i can really rely on him. he seems like the type that would get bored and give up really easily if it doesn't immediately work out. i don't think he really wants to just jam...

i'm kind of thinking that it might be a better idea to just start recording on my own. i mean, none of these kids can play anything. at all. i can probably play drums better than the bmx kid, anyways. i'm sure i can play bass better than the goth kid - that's not even a serious question. i have this room here, and i'm in it quite a bit. why am i waiting for other people? why don't i just record the parts myself? if trent reznor and billy corgan can do it, why can't i?

speaking of the room, perhaps i should describe it. i wish i had a camera, but i wouldn't know how to get it on the internet, anyways. dad says you need a 'scanner', but i don't know what that is.

i've had a subscription to guitar world for a few years, now. it was a christmas present. well, she offered me national geographic - and i do legitimately like to read up on science - but i requested the guitar world because i thought i'd get more out of it. so, i had about fifty magazines to cut & paste into a collage to spread across the wall, which is now full of alternative rock icons.

in one corner of the room, there's a table with a luxman receiver connected to a tascam four-track that was borrowed from my dad's friend, larry. the tascam connects to a mixdown tape deck through the luxman. larry also left an acoustic guitar and an mxr phaser down here. he said he doesn't play van halen any more and the phaser is cheesy, otherwise. personally, i can't tell the difference between his phaser and the flanger in my multi-effects unit but i'm told there's an engineering difference in the effects.

as for my guitar setup, i really have everything i need to record in a small space. i'm on my second guitar, now, which is an entry level ibanez with a locking bridge. i moved up a little while back from your standard piece of shit hondo. the ibanez has a three-way selector switch and a very clean signal, which are things that i like, but there's also a knot in the neck that was lacquered over at the store and has become somewhat of a splinter hazard. there's some fret wear, too. believe it or not, sometimes the problems with the guitar make me miss my old hondo! but, the important thing is that it sounds good through the signal path, which is into a zoom 1010 multieffects unit and out into a cheri practice amplifier. the amp came with my first guitar, whereas i purchased the multieffects unit in 1995 with combined christmas money.

there is an electric bass on the table behind the recording devices. there are no speakers in the room, but there is a pair of sennheiser 440-II headphones. dad said they're awesome headphones and i should 'baby' them so they last. there are two microphones in this room, connected to sponges to deaden the sound. and, there is for real a drum kit in the other corner of the room along with a selection of sticks and a pair of brushes. the space in between is very cramped - we could fit at most two adults in here, and at most four kids. nor is there any ventilation (as it was designed to be sound proof), so it gets very hot with the equipment, very fast. i'll admit that i've overheated and had to leave the room a couple of times...

so, i've been down here all night playing guitar for most of the month. sometimes i'm practicing other people's music, and sometimes i'm playing my own. while i haven't started to do any recording yet, because i want to wait to find people to play with, i've been mapping out a number of songs using a combination of tablature and notation on some left over loose leaf from last year. i have a lot of music already written, some of it going back to 1994. i even have some notes that i wrote back in 1994. it's all carefully organized in a binder, waiting to be actualized.

but, am i ever going to find anybody to jam with? what if i don't? i'm really seriously considering just starting to record by myself. then, maybe, i can teach the parts to other people, after. do you think that's a good idea?

i also picked up the new white zombie record, which is a remix record. i'm not a really big white zombie fan, but i do enjoy their other records and i reasoned that experimental remixes of white zombie songs would have to be really amazing to hear. so, i was hoping it would be a little more abstract, like those crazy nine inch nails remix records that i really like. on first listen, i found it to be too techno for me but it's grown on me a little and i think that it's really flat out demented qualities may prove it to be somewhat of a keeper, in the long run. what do you think?

http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/08/the-logistics-around-finding-ways-to.html

concerned over lack of response

16-08-2016: day blown due to blown breaker (possible sabotage...)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

fuse situation less urgent (still would be nice to fix soon...)

hi.

it turns out the outlets around the stove are on the stove breaker. so, i dragged the fridge across the kitchen and also moved the internet into the kitchen. i guess i'll want to avoid making eggs until it's back up. but, that means that the immediate concern is not pressing and i can wait it out. although, i mean....it's out everywhere except those two outlets around the stove. it's not a good situation. it's just not urgent anymore.

i'm assuming it''s the fuse. i don't know, really. i know i heard something pop when the microwave was at 0:01, and then everything was out.

j

it's been a few days, now, and this is likely to be quiet around here for a bit, still. i'm going to commit to an alter-reality update when i get my electrical back up...

it's just that it kind of sucks typing while sitting on the floor.

i think i blew a fuse down here this evening. around 7ish. i thought i was done for the night. but, it turns out that the breaker around the stove is still up. i only have one way on to the internet down here...

i could live for a few hours without the internet. i mean, i've chosen not to. but i'd be ok. i'm more relieved by getting the fridge plugged back in (by dragging it across the kitchen...).

that just means that i'm that much further behind. but it's a minor annoyance, really, in the bigger scheme.

i'm hoping to get most of the sansa listening done tonight, so i can finish it up tomorrow. but, i haven't updated the listening plan here (it's on the vlogs....). so...

i have a number of sources and three sets of phones, as well as several speakers (although not all will be used). what i'm going to be doing is listening to the full ten hour inri002-inri015 sequence through every combination that i can think of, then draw as many conclusions as i can. so, that's going to be a while.

the alter-reality starts more seriously on the 1st. that's probably about how long it will take to get back to finishing period 1.2.

but, that is the last segment that requires major work. 1.3 is done. 2.1 is done. 2.2 is done. 2.3 is done. 2.4 is pretty much done. so, this will be moving very quickly by the end of the year.

everything takes longer than i expect. it's coming. that's all i can really say.

15-08-2016: day three of listening (mp3--sansa--449s)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

14-08-2016: listening day, pt 2 (mp3--sansa--201s & 449s)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

13-08-2016: quiet listening day, part one (mp3--sansa--201s)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

12-08-2016: listening started, but overshadowed by long rants. mp3---sansa---201s.

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

that said, i feel i can put these things aside for now and start the process of listening.

this could be up to two weeks. and, we should be into early fall by then.

my brain is ok regarding growths (for now), but there's something lodged in my ear. as time has progressed, i've become more and more frustrated with this ear doctor - who despite reading an mri report that indicated that something was found inside my ear, decided to discharge me. the mri demonstrated that i was right: there's something in my ear. the response is discharge? it seems like she runs a more profitable plastic surgery operation on the side. i've argued for years that cosmetic surgeons should not be allowed to run medical practices...

she got me the mri, anyways. i had to prod for it, but it wasn't a complete waste of time...

i have an appointment with another ear specialist in december that i have yet to cancel (i suspected i may want a second opinion...) and i may very well end up bringing him the mri scans. i don't have a lot of confidence in this doctor.

for right now, the second scan is scheduled for september and i'll just have to wait and see. it could be anything from a growth to a dead insect to ear wax. but, i need to be clear: the mri did pick something up. there is something in there. and, i did make the right choice in insisting i see an ear doctor rather than a neurologist.

11-08-2016: a little bit of clarity on the mri results (there is something in my ear...)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

10-08-2016: i don't even know... (...but record-keeping for inri015 did get done!)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

finishing the record-keeping aspect of the write-up for inri015 was an unexpectedly tedious process, but it is now done. i have not yet started my epic listening process, and will not likely do so tonight. i'm going to do a few more record-keeping type things to prepare for it, and begin the process in earnest when i get back from my appointment tomorrow.

....presuming that i'm not devastated by the discussion.

i have no idea. really. i know that there's something very wrong with my ear. i got the mri to check for structural damage - tmj type issues. i know the radiologist insisted on redoing the mri using a process that is usually intended to search for tumours. but, i have little reason to think i have a tumour.

obviously, if i come home tomorrow with the understanding that i have brain cancer, my life is going to change quite a bit. i don't expect this. but, we'll see what happens.

for right now, i'm just focusing on getting done the things i need to get done in order to pivot to a pure listening phase that i expect to last for roughly the next week. i have two more records to formally close when that is done, inri014 and inri015. i can then move on to the singles for the second record and eventually the second record itself.

closing inri015

audio permanently closed for inri015.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3

08-08-2016: rendered inoperative by a debilitating weather-related headache

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

i've been very sensitive to the weather for years and years. for as long as i can remember, i've tended to get nasty stomach aches when the pressure outside changes. it's to the point that i can predict the season changes through reductio ad estomach - that is, by appeal to stomach. right now, i seem to be reacting very negatively to the reduction of humidity that came in last night. it's a really brutal sinus headache. so, loud music - and particularly absurdly loud music - is not a very good idea at the moment.

07-08-2016: baby steps in finishing the record-keeping for inri014 (but vlog is all rants...)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

baby steps can be very important, sometimes.

i closed the audio for inri014 back on the first, but haven't finished the write-up yet. i did finally get the record-keeping done, at least - although the writeup is not yet complete and won't be for some time.

i should get that section of inri015 done soon, too.

06-08-2016: groceries, new phones break-in & august concert schedule look-ahead

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

where have you been?

"it's alright, we know where you've been."

i wanted to finish up to inri015 before i stopped, but i got to a point where i just had to shower. i felt i wasn't focusing and needed a bit of a break. i tried a lot of things, and i was just so horribly distracted...

wednesday was spent doing laumdry. on thursday, i cleaned the apartment top to bottom. i did a compost run on friday and picked up a new set of phones. today, i did some groceries - although it wasn't as much as i wanted.

i think i can finish the boring part of writing up inri014 and inri015 today - tracklistings. etc. but, i'm going to check the show schedule, first.

either tonight or tomorrow, i'm going to begin a final listening of inri002-inri015 over every source i have. i will then move on.

the alter-reality kicks in for good on sept 1. that will be the next thing i focus on.

...and i have an appointment on the 11th to discuss the mri results with the doctor the referred me in the first place. i don't know what to expect, but think i will probably walk out with another referral to some kind of bone specialist.

water damage from the air conditioner (is that really the best window for it? how about a bucket?)

hi.

brief email....

i'm just attaching some pictures of the damage created by the a/c on the front step, as well as the consequences of it on the space under the step.

i'm currently running two fans in the space to air it out. i've also left the door open and am keeping the window open over night. but, why not just put a bucket on the step to catch the water?

05-08-2016: compost run to escape that blasted contraption (+ listening/ranting)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

i wrote this during the 2008 election cycle. it's out of sequence, so it won't be up very long. it's about my perceptions of obama in the lead up to november....

the point is that this isn't new. not only did i not buy into the hope, but i was actually deeply disillusioned that the country fell for it so badly - and to an extent seemed to legitimately buy into it.

-

face in sand and textbooks filled with dread
crazy ideals swirl inside your head
the rhetoric of competition just deflates
how is it that some beings can actually relate?

no. no. no. n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-o. what i say is....

(chirping)

psst.
it's ok.
it's safe out here.
the warmth of the sand is lost, but i think that you might find that the crispness of the air is refreshing in it's own respect.

pssst.
it's ok.
we would like you to reappear.
i know that it seems as though you can't, but if you yank that head out of the sand...

...your descendants might some day spread some wings and float off into the galaxy!
that's what you've always wanted, isn't it?
just to fly off into the galaxy?
to spread some wings and float away?
oh, what a wonderful goal that is.

first...
enjoy the breeze.
it's been so long, hasn't it?
now...
take a look at the world around you..
and look what you've done.

i'm not just saying that.
really.
take a look around you...
look what you've done.
put down the sports and the porn and the reality tv and the badly acted reinterpretations of star trek and look what you've done!

in what,
in the name of democracy?
and the spread of human rights?
of freedom of speech,
and of freedom of thought?
look what you've done!
our most cherished axioms are tainted now, they're done.

you shoot your neighbour in the face, you think you're free.
you shoot my sibling in the face, tell me i'm free.
they'll blame it on me,
but this is not my hypocrisy.
you're shooting people in the face and telling them they're free.

no.
i don't want to be
part of this polity
that would ignore these pleas
if it's up to me,
i'll choose not to be
in your community
if you'll ignore these pleas

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/first-movement

i took the mri looking for something like this, in an attempt to rule out ms. i was never looking for a growth. i'm not surprised that they couldn't find anything - i don't see any reason to take another with a contrast agent. but, there may be some subtleties in the imaging. i obviously just simply don't know.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporomandibular_joint_dysfunction

progress update relating to inri014

i've had a down period the last two weeks that's a consequence of a variety of things, but i don't expect any further political commentary that is in any way meaningful.

i have a meeting on aug 11 to discuss the mri results with the ear doctor. i expect that it will lead to a referral to see another doctor - either a bone specialist of some sort or possibly a dentist. there is some possibility that i may get a bad surprise. a lot of uncertainty remains around this, and i just have to wait.

this "hybrid double ep single" that i left off at is in fact constructed. i just need to finish writing the notes - which shouldn't be taking so long.

i also need to be cleaning for the rest of the week, and will need to do a compost run, soon.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2

01-08-2016: stagnation, followed by realizing the need to pivot

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

yeah. i just want to have fun. so, fuck off.

but stop listening to my music on your fucking potatoes. is that language you understand?

i'm a little more productive today, but i'm still dragging. i just spent a while dropping the relevant vlogs on to the facebook page.

if i actually had any fans, they couldn't complain. it's a lot of content.

i've also closed the door to the other room, which has the effect of both eliminating the air conditioning from my main living space and turning it on in the recording studio. that may actually turn out relatively well, in both ways. but, i haven't really tested it yet.

the tracklisting was finalized and uploaded on the morning of the 31st. i was hoping to get the bureaucracy done yesterday, but it was just a wash. i should get it done by the time i fall asleep, today.

i should get a call from the doctor's today. i'm going to avoid checking email until tomorrow.

31-07-2016: more mri drama

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

closing inri014

audio permanently closed for inri014.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2

that was a really weird day...

i found myself spending basically the whole night listening to songs about rain. i dunno. i guess i just wanted to waste the day.

i actually think that i can close inri014 before i crash. let's see...

i wasn't able to get a straight answer out of anybody at the radiology department regarding why the second mri was requested, so i've cancelled it. i was specific: do you think you might see a tumour? do you think you might see a lesion? all i could get was "the doctor is requesting a second mri". an appeal to authority is simply not convincing to me.

i have verified at least that the information was sent to the referring doctor, so i will call them on tuesday for further exploration of the issue.

while it is possible that the radiologist was just incompetent with his notes - that he has a good reason that he didn't specify because he's lazy - my reading of the situation is that he's just looking for a way to bill me twice, and that that's actually probably a good sign because it probably at least rules out the tumour.

as mentioned previously, i'm leaning more towards lyme disease at this point. but, i'm going to need to see the scans myself....

ok, i just woke up. i had checked my inbox, half asleep, during a mid-morning urination awakening and they want to inject me with some isotope of something...?

what it does is make the tumor or lesion more visible in the scan. that seems to indicate that there is a tumor or lesion. but, i need to know what it is, first, before i make any decisions. injecting me with some kind of metal seems kind of reckless, unless it's a mitigating factor. harm reduction. i'm not there yet.

are they lesions? if so, i'd rather get a blood test for lyme disease. and, i mean, there's not really any treatment for ms, anyways. i'll just take the diagnosis to my nearest odsp office and otherwise forget about it. no, really. so, i have ms. what does injecting me with a heavy metal for an mri accomplish? but, what if i only have lyme disease? there's safer ways to determine this.

do they think they found a tumour? how aggressive do they think it is? this is the one situation where i may consent to this...

....but i also need to see the existing scans first. apparently, it was the radiologist that requested the second scan. who is what? a technician?

"oh, i'm not a doctor."

 two things i'm worried about.

1) all industry exists for the purpose of maximizing profit. even in canada, people get paid. and, what that actually means is that we have a lot of unnecessary procedures done because somebody gets paid. on first glance, too much health care might seem better than not enough. but, this is one of those circumstances where too much may be worse. i'm not ruling the procedure out on principle, i just want to make sure that we've gone through the safer - less expensive - options first.

2) i talk a lot of shit in a lot of places. i keep pointing out that i'm harmless, but i'm not sure i'm winning that argument. would somebody go out of their way to get rid of me? it's not impossible. it *is* outrageous. it *is* ridiculous. but, the world we live in is outrageous and ridiculous. i just need to be a little bit more careful than the average bear, i think.

so, i'm going to go call them back and tentatively cancel the appointment. i need to have them articulate exactly what they're looking for, and confirm that they've actually sent the results to the doctor that referred me. i also want to know when i can see the scans, myself.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gadolinium

i'm not sure i'll consent to this.

30-07-2016: trying to close inri014 amidst political distraction and mri drama

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

left a message...

i'm sleeping mornings this week. we'll see if there's something in my inbox when i wake up.

if i can sleep...

i initially noticed facial tics around my left ear some time around ten years ago. i had an mri done but i didn't hear anything back and i forgot about it. it was kind of just a mild annoyance. at the time, i was thinking something more along the lines of heavy metal poisoning from living on a busy street with a lot of truck traffic (bronson avenue) than anything else.

the issue of the facial tics would come and go, but never really got out of hand as anything more than an annoyance until a little over a yea ago when i noticed i was having an extended period of difficulty swallowing (dysphagia) that has yet to really resolve itself. i initially brought this up with a nurse at the camh here, who did not take me seriously. i asked several times for an mri, and he kept telling me we'll talk about it later. it never happened.

the first few years i was here, i was struggling to find a doctor willing to prescribe me hormones. i was able to finally find a family doctor last fall that was willing to not just prescribe but also to increase my dosage, and that has had some positive effects. he has also finally taken my concerns about dysphagia seriously. while he suggested i should see a neurologist, i insisted on seeing an ear doctor to start and then graduating to a neurologist as the issue resolved or complicated itself.

the ear doctor initially did not take me seriously, either. however, i pushed for a hearing test - which discovered some loss in the affected ear. she still refused to take the situation seriously, suggested that the test was just error and insisted that i take it again. i instead pushed for an mri - which i had on monday.

i felt the mri would be the best idea because it could determine three things:

1) is my jaw crooked? in 2006, i fell of my bike and landed terribly on my face. the tic and resulting dysphagia could be the result of a skeletal abnormality, which could either be broken back in place or just dealt with. it would be useful to know, one way or the other.

2) do i have brain lesions? if i do, are those lesions more consistent with something like ms or more indicative of something like lyme disease?

3) is there maybe a tumor in there? i'm considering this possibility to be extremely remote due to how long i've had the issue for. one does not have a malignant tumor in their head for over ten years. i'd be dead by now.

i just checked my email and realized that somebody called me on the saturday of the long weekend to book a second mri. while i will not know the reasons for this request until i call back, i'm considering this to be somewhat ominous. it is possible that there was some error and they need to redo it, but i would think that a request for a second mri indicates that they found something that shouldn't be there. is it a lesion or a tumor?

i think they open at 6:00 am.

29-07-2016: groceries in the rain, resting tired boot feet & officially closing inri013

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

it's less that it took me a long time to get started today and more that i was out doing some end/beginning of the month shopping. i didn't sit down to eat until close to 6:00 pm. and, i did have some loose ends to do, including closing inri013 over the vlog.

i actually didn't get a lot of sleep last night so i don't know if i'll be up all night or crash early. but i do think that i can at least get a tracklisting for inri014 done...

28-07-2016: fighting distractions in reasserting the cycle and closing inri013

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

back to schizoid (inri014)

i'm back to this, now, which is the final thing to finish before i can close my first lp.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2

finalizing on sexual confusion in adolescence (inri013)

audio permanently closed for inri013.

==

this was not initially constructed as a standalone work, but it became one almost the moment that it was constructed. there was always an intent to combine the sexuality themed tracks together at the front of my first record, but the initial idea was something more like frontloading the disc than building a cohesive work. it just happened to build itself up that way, and was truly apparent as such on the very first listen. even the phantom of the opera cover in the middle of the track became topical in a sort of subversive way.

i first broke the piece off into a standalone file in the spring of 2014 as a mirror image to the sequence that ends my second record, which actually *was* consciously written as a single work all the way back in 1996 (and appears that way at the end of the very first demo tape). i thought that if the second record was going to have an epic then the first should as well. as the first six tracks had long been a subset in my mind, this was a natural thing to do. the title of the track was first published as an upload to youtube in mar, 2014 on the deathtokoalas channel, which is now deleted.

i did not initially number these tracks as symphonies due to their incorporation of childish vocals, although i had planned to include them on any symphonic compilation discs, nonetheless. i saw them more as proto-symphonies - or just as beginner epics, where i was finding my feet but ultimately still working out ideas.

it wasn't until i finished reclaiming my 1998 demos from tape at the end of 2015 that i realized that i could resequence my first two records from scratch and republish them as instrumental works. the ability to reclaim these two epics as instrumental works, and consequently as full symphonies, followed as a corollary of this. it was consequently not until january, 2016 that i finally elevated the instrumental reconstruction of this recording to the level of my first official symphony, which is where it will now exist into perpetuity: eternally, finally.

the focus in reconstruction was to erect a final version rather than conform to the original mix, so later versions were prioritized over earlier ones. the first through fourth sections are very similar to the original album mix, whereas the fifth and sixth sections have been replaced with expanded mixes.

once the instrumental version had been constructed for the record, i felt i had lost something by removing the vocals - or at least some of them. in the context of the improved master, i felt an edited vocal take could actually elevate the symphony to a different and surreal level, if presented in the right context. this context could not be on the record, though, which had to be fully instrumental. instead, i decided to place the vocal reconstruction as a standalone single, with the instrumental as a flip side to it.

this is an incredibly dense piece of music that i'm proud to finally place in the serious part of my discography.

written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2014 & 2015. released jan 7, 2016. finalized on july 29, 2016. this is my first symphony; as always, please use headphones.

section one: initially written & recorded in 1997. re-recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.

section two: initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 18, 2015. sequenced jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.

section three: initially written by andrew lloyd webber. recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.

section four: originally created in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 5, 2015. expanded & sequenced on jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.

section five: written june, 1998. reimagined june, 2001. slightly rearranged and re-rendered at the end of july, 2014. rearranged again at the end of may, 2015. remastered from the 2014 & 2015 sources on jan 6, 2016.

section six: initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. vocals and electronics added on july 16, 2015. sequenced on jan 6, 2016.

let's hope i can get back on track today. i've got everything in motion to facilitate it...

27-07-2016: horribly distracted by everything (the a/c, the mri, the convention...)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

ok, so i should have probably expected that i would have been a little distracted by the primaries, but this is the end of day three of aimlessness and i didn't want this at all.

i've moved my laptop back into my bedroom to re-establish a separation between play and labour. the dangerously obese, parasitic piece of shit upstairs will not relent on the air conditioner (which i'm paying for), so the heat is currently set to 31 degrees celsius - and i'm willing to increase it further. this has an effect on alertness, but it's better than living in a fucking fridge.

i still haven't heard back from the mri and it's still eating at me. but i'm at least a little more focused. i think.

i need to be a little bit more strict with myself because i want to finish what is in front of me by the end of the week so i can get all the between-things things done at the end of the month.

j reacts to the impossibility of feminine men within hierarchical heteropatriarchy

"so why don't you just be a girly dude."

i just got that one. again. the reason is that you can't actually live that way.

i'll just show up to work in a skirt, right? ok, maybe that's not as out there as it was even a few years ago. here's another example that cuts a lot deeper: women just don't ask guys out.

so, why don't i show initiative? why don't i take control? why don't i be a man about it?.

whatever the answers to those questions, i think it gets the point across: you can't just be a girly dude. i think it's a lot easier to be a masculine female. you may even get a little privilege out of it. but, the premise you're throwing at me just really isn't actually feasible, and i don't think that you need to be queer to be cognizant of it.

do you know what would have actually happened had i shown up to work at microsoft in a skirt?

they'd have sent me to hr, and off to a psychiatric assessment - where i would have been given hormones, and probably the option to go on leave for a few months. i may have even been transferred.

...because it was fucking microsoft.

in canada.

it would have been a little different at a mcdonalds in dallas.

but, you get the point. it's not a real option.

i've added a new release type...

format:
single: $5
ep: $7
lp: $10
double ep (split digital/physical): $10
double ep (both physical): $14
double lp: $20

this comes up twice in a row, with inri013 and inri014. on the one hand, i have a physical cd (or official cd-length digital release) that i'd like to publish. inri013 is 70+ minutes over two tracks, whereas inri014 is more typical in being a little less than an hour (still a long single). but, i've also decided to be comprehensive over each release, so i've obligated myself to releasing all relevant outtakes - which is an additional hour for inri013 and a whopping 75 minutes for inri014. in both cases, i could not fit the release & bonus material on a single disc. these are also the first two examples of this happening. so, for example, the release for inri009 is 53 minutes, and with outtakes runs to 67 minutes - less than the length of a physical cd, so theoretically packageable. if i were to in theory package inri013 or inri014 with bonus material, i would need two discs. but, i don't actually want to do that, and i have no plans to ever press the releases that way. so, rather than orphan the material, i'd rather drop it on to these download-only virtual discs.

but, then the problem is that i'm releasing double records for the price of an ep. what i'm trying to be more than anything else with the pricing is consistent. the solution i've come up with is to split the difference..

i'm feeling a little more grounded today, but we'll see how things unfold. i very much hope that i get some response on the mri....

26-07-2016: having difficulty focusing on inri013

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

yeah, no, i'm just...

my head's swimming. i'm going to sleep.

i think that a big part of the reason that i'm floaty is the mri. it's some kind of repressed anxiety. even when i'm not explicitly thinking about it....

we'll have to see what it says. but, i guess the next thing to check is my jaw, if my ear comes back clean. but, i'm kind of still convinced there's something in there. it sure feels like it...

the other big thing i'm concerned about is if it comes back with lesions. i'm actually becoming more and more convinced that it's lyme disease. i had said i would get that checked last month, but i decided i should wait for the mri, first. short of finding a giant tumour in my eustachian tube, that's almost certainly going to be the next thing i check.

you can imagine it's a little distracting. so, cut me some slack for a few days, here.

i've been floating all day. i dunno. i'm chipping away at it, but i'm having a hard time focusing.

i'll at least get inri013 closed tonight. we'll have to see about inri014. a little disappointing. i've been reading, watching youtube, ranting...just not focused...

to clarify...

*13 -  epic ep
*14 - schizoid ep single
*15 - lp
*16 - eat my fuck ep
17 - stupid ep single
(skinny puppy tribute)
18 - epic 2 ep
19 - boogeyman ep single
20 - lp2
*21 - inrijected (outtakes) ep
*22 - inimixed (glitch mixes)  ep
*23 - inriclaimed (direct from tape over 2015, all instrumental) unofficial lp
*24 - inricited (all vocal ep) ep
 25 - too cold single

that closes 1.2, and pushes me back into the 1.3 sequence, which is already done.

* basically done

https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/bob-black-the-abolition-of-work

i just wanted to let you know that i actually can’t stand “indie rock culture” and am simply befuddled by the idea that i may be associated with it in the minds of others. i just don’t know where this idea came from. it’s not even close.

my tastes are pretty eclectic. but, “indie rock” fits about as well into my music tastes as opera does. which isn’t to say that the idea is entirely absent, so much as to say that i’m really pretty far on the fringes of it.

as a culture, though, i think the “indie rock scene” is flat out revolting. it’s not at all something that i would go out of my way to associate myself with.

outside of the group of misfits that i was friends with in high school (which was basically just the scattered outcasts - various ethnic minorities and a couple of goths), the only social grouping that i’ve ever gone out of my way to spend any time in was occupy. i bill myself as an introvert for a reason. i’m just not somebody that likes to spend time with people, or that enjoys making friends.

refocusing towards on sexual confusion in adolescence (inri013)

so, we’re back to this for the day.

i don’t expect to modify it. i just expect to close it.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence

yeah. yesterday was a wash. but i'll be back after lunch and i could maybe get two-three closes today. we'll see.

25-07-2016: i woke up early for an mri, and never really recovered for the day

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

i see that you didn't like the 40 minute vlogs about music production.

so, i've given you 80 minute vlogs about music production.

j reacts to the absurdity of stealing low quality audio streams

i've been noticing that the bandcamp site is getting many times more visitors than plays. so far in july, i have just over 1100 visits and just under 400 plays. one would expect the opposite. even if everybody shows up and just skips through three songs, that's still three times as many plays as visits. how can i have a third as many plays as visits? what are people doing on my bandcamp site - which has little besides a play button - if not listening?

my best guess is that this is a metric regarding just how bad the problem of bandcamp downloading is. i'd just like to make a few comments.

first: please recognize that i don't prostitute myself to capitalism by selling my labour for a wage, and i'm never going to ever again. this is a basic political position of mine. i consider it more noble to live on welfare than to sell my labour for a wage. for the same reason, i don't have a record label, and i don't want one. i don't make money through advertising, and i don't want to. i'm pushing the point out of principle: do you not think you have an obligation to pay for something if you're enjoying it? i just don't understand the thought process that would take somebody to an audio site to download a low quality file out of the stream that only exists for promo purposes, then tell me i should force people to listen to an ad for condoms if i want to eat. that's not the world i want to live in. that's the world i want to abolish.

second: there's no way around this. if you can stream something, you can pirate it. but, again: i can't understand why this is the arrangement that you actually want.

third: the pirated version that you're getting is absolutely shit. my music is very sonically complex. the 128 kbps mp3 that you're streaming is really worth what you're paying for. i have to clarify that you're not actually getting a proper representation of the sound, that way. i'm not exaggerating, either. there's a reason that i am constantly requesting that you listen to the music though headphones. if you're going to listen through a shitty mp3 (no doubt on your phone speakers or on laptop speakers), you're barely even getting an approximation of it. again, i don't understand what you're getting out of this. this isn't vocally driven music. if you're not listening to the arrangements, what are you listening to? as an example, the most recent track that i uploaded is mixed in such a way that i literally cannot hear the bass part on my laptop speakers. it's not the first time i've noticed this, either. you really need to be listening to it in flac, and through a decent setup. the stream can only give you a taste. to steal the stream is to completely miss the point.

fourth: broadly speaking, i think you're missing the point. the message that sends to me is that you don't understand the art. so, why are you listening to it? you can barely hear it, and you don't understand it.

so, it's hard for me to get angry. it's less that i feel like i'm a victim of theft, and more that i feel like i'm not getting my ideas across very well. or, maybe i am. after all, one of my main messages is the ubiquity of human stupidity. perhaps you're just demonstrating the point.

if you're going to listen to this at all, please do yourself the favour of downloading it in high quality - and listening to it through headphones. that's not a hollow request. you cannot possibly understand what i'm creating, otherwise.

no, that nap didn't stick. i'm not sleepy, i'm just kind of drained. sort of bloated from too much pop. again: i can't handle the air conditioning, so i have the heat up higher than i'd like, which is draining. but, i mean the other option is being cold. i'd rather be hot and tired than fucking cold...

the only way that i really know how to deal with that is to turn the heat up to 30 and then open the window. that completely overpowers the air, but it's expensive for the building. so i keep wavering on it, then falling back on it.

it would just be so much easier if he'd turn the a/c down to a point where it's not affecting me. i keep pointing this out. i shouldn't and don't care about him. it's just that he's affecting this unit, because he's being unreasonable. i'm consequently forced to respond with force. you have to fight back in this world. but i wanted to say something else...

well, i'm caught up to the end of the week - but i'm out of batteries. the rants were just really long. i'm going to have to finish it when i have a backup, which may not be for a few days. it's about 15 hours to charge. i have three sets. so, i try to keep one extra, but it gets bogged down from time to time. some times, i have two backups. sometimes i run out. i should probably get some more, soon. i should be out that way in a few days for a compost run.

i'm going to catch a nap, and try to be up a little after midnight. this has been a weird day all around. it might be fruitless, but i could still wake up, too.

"i think the mri itself is closer to what i listen to than the radio station in the headphones."

i got some sleep when i got back and am just waking up now. this is a better part of the day to be awake for the coming turn over to mixing album 2, so i should be aiming for overnights.

i'm going to need to take the afternoon aside for vlog recitation. this won't be a long process, i hope.

24-07-2016: closing inri012 while fighting the distraction of the upcoming mri

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

looking forward to on sexual confusion in adolescence (inri013)

i'm done for the night - i want to get a short rest in before the mri. but, this is the first half of what is about to be a major release, some time in the next few days.

it's the first six tracks of my first official record: first with minimal vocals, then completely instrumental. the record is instrumental. three of these tracks were just released as singles. the other three are connecting, instrumental tracks.

this is really pretty epic. no exaggeration. 36 minutes. and, i refer to it as my first symphony.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence

publishing i think i feel much better now (inri012)

audio permanently closed for inri012.

==

the roots of this track are a variation on a common theme. this is taken from the write-up for the initial 1996 demo version of the track:

"more silly teenage angst, intersecting with more rejection of religion and quite a bit of misanthropy. i may make an interesting observation or two, but the reality here is that i sound just as brainwashed as the masses of people i was looking down on...and if i'm going to criticize myself, or feel embarrassed, it's on that level of a lack of originality, rather than the actual content."

by 1998, the lyrics had been rewritten to be a little less angsty in an attempt to expand further on the secular humanist basis of the track. yet, i still don't really get over the irony inherent in the track. as much as i want to break free of mindlessness and conformity, i don't have anything particularly original to say. worse, the way i'm saying it is cliched, childish and kind of trite. for these reasons, i've decided to eject the vocal mixes from the official release altogether, although they are available here as a part of the download.

musically speaking, i initially actually wanted this track to be the basis of something more marketable. i remember listening to the first side of the initial demo and lamenting that it was void of anything i could really release as a single and then trying to come up with some kind of "jangle" or "college" rock thing to compensate for it.  in the end, the track would warp into some kind of adult prog, but you can hear the initial buckian template in the guitar work.

as with a number of the other tracks from this period, i don't really want to walk anything back - i just wish that i had articulated myself better. it's not the subject matter that's cringey, it's the exact choice of words. yet, that's a scant excuse, in context. word choice is what writing is all about!

the decision to create a single for the track in 2016 was drawn out by two considerations. the first is that there are legitimately two distinct modern versions of the track, along with a collection of discarded mixes, and i do feel the need to offer them together as a package, as i have done with the other tracks. the other is that this is literally the only song on the first demo that is not offered in this format. i felt that it would be absurd for me to offer every track as a single except for this one.

the lead track on this single combines the album version with the connector that follows it on the record, which explains the chosen release date (the actual song was completed on march 22, 1998). that connector is one of the many pieces of sample art that i had created over this period in cool edit, using a number of basic manipulation tactics and noise generation techniques. i had to emulate this in 2016 in order to rebuild the record. while the result is not identical, it is actually pretty close.

initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 26, 2015. sequenced on jan 10, 2016. released & finalized on july 24, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set

regarding the subject matter of the deleted vocals/lyrics, please see the following vlog (which is also available on inriℵ0):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuhdwde1YKI&t=778s

credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocals, sampling, found sound (printer), cool edit, digital wave editing, tapes, production

released may 22, 1998

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now


1) this is the version that was sequenced for the record, before it was split into two tracks for it. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 26, 2015. sequenced on jan 10, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now


2) this is the version that was reconstructed in 2015 from the 1998 source tapes. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 26, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/aliens-are-more-likely-than-god-2


3) from the deleted inricycled B compilation. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. remastered in 2013. recycled jan 7, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/climb-up-a-cloud-to-combat-some-hideous-creatures-and-then-fly-away-hidden


4) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo. initially written in 1996. remastered in 2013. dated oct 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/guh-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-2

5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. dated dec 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-2

6) deleted original 1996 mix. initially written in 1996. dated nov 24, 1996.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/guh-1996-demo-2

7) deleted original 1998 sequence from the initial demo cd. initially written in 1996. recreated in the spring of 1998. the first section is from mar 22, 1998 and the second section is from may 22, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now-1998-cd-2

so, i've tried a few different things with this track, but nothing's stuck. nor do i want to publish any of the vocals at all. there are actually some decent lines in the track, but i just don't see any value in producing a vocal version to hold to them out of context and don't see any point in including any of the previous vocal versions in the main presentation....

i guess there just isn't the same kind of thematic continuity. with the more ridiculous tracks, the one-liners really plowed the tracks forwards. there's nothing really like that, here. the chorus isn't really lyrically memorable. the better line is in the bridge:

"god's a fucking commie, but he still doesn't want me.
like russia, his demise is on the way: killed by the usa."

but, saving those two lines just isn't worth it. the original mixes will be available in the download and on the aleph disc, but not for streaming and not on any physical disc.

it's really just going to be a two-track single. pointless? no. because the flip has some value in isolation. this is a neat little tune, in the way that the guitars and bass intersect. check it out through phones.

working on inri012 today

this is what i'm working on today...

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now

it's funny that whenever i say i'm awake, i fall asleep within minutes.

whatever i end up releasing for wish, i'm going to wait. it was actually one of the first tracks i did with my keyboard; the vocal mix is dated to jan, 1998. yeah. the instrumental is dated to april. the glitch mix is dated to may. but, it didn't really get released until record #2 and i'd already decided i was going to release the first three tracks of the record as a single, dated to the summer of 1998.

i skipped this track during the reclamation process last summer because it was already instrumental, anyways. we'll see what happens. but i'm jumping over it, for now.

that means i'm back to the track 'think', which i'm going to do something or other for. there should be a lead track up soon, anyways.

08. the summer of final reconstructions, pt 1 (inri000-inri011) (dvd 8)

23-07-2016: closing inri011, working through may/98 and defining inri012

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/nope-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-i-feel-much-better-now

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/slipping-away
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/weedin-the-yard
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/wish-r2d2-mix
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/the-phantom-of-the-washing-machine

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

that gets me through april, 1998. and i'm still very much awake. there's just a few odds and ends left before i push through past june. the mini epic and the record are both giant pieces of music, the former a subset of the latter, and they'll both be closed shortly.