finalizing useless (inri006)

audio permanently closed for inri006.

==

the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some serious recording.

i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my first synthesizer experiment.

that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.

after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and remaster it with the speed set a little slower.

i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first. what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in 1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.

i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this was the track.

in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very end.

in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the fun. the album version closes this collection.

originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released & finalized on july 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).

credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production

released january 22, 1998

publishing useless (inri006)

inri006.

this is totally self-indulgent, but so long as i'm generating releases with wanton disregard, i figured i'd might as well.

when i mixed this track in 1998, i was drawn to the idea of slowing it down. i reversed that decision for the sake of the flow of the record, which turned out to be very synth-pop. but, i always wanted to release the track tuned down like this.

i've had this slow version sitting on my hard drive, waiting for a use, since 1998. in mono. i've listened to it over this period. it's truly the better embodiment of the piece. the absurdity is more powerful.

i've put together an ep consisting of three valium mixes and the instrumental mix that will end up on the record. remember: this is how i always wanted to release this track.

===

the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some serious recording.

i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my first synthesizer experiment.

that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.

after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and remaster it with the speed set a little slower.

i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first. what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in 1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.

i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this was the track.

in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very end.

in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the fun. the album version closes this collection.

originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released on july 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).

credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production

released january 22, 1998

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/useless


1) this is the original version slowed down to half speed. created on jan 21, 1998. converted to stereo on sept 24, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-2


2) originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. slowed down and run through a click reducer on july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-from-2013-remaster


3) recorded in jan, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 2, 2015. slowed down july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/use-value-is-somewhat-difficult-to-define-in-the-human-propensity-towards-artistic-expression-slowed-down


4) recorded in jan, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 2, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/use-value-is-somewhat-difficult-to-define-in-the-human-propensity-towards-artistic-expression-2


5) kind of a new wave / synth pop track. this is the first track with my new synth on it. that's a large part of what the track is. recorded in jan, 1998. sped-up on july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-sped-up-2

6) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-2013-remaster-2

should i create a two-track single for useless - the instrumental mix and the valium mix? do i want the lyrical version available for download-only? do i want it to be a purely digital release? if so, then why have bonus tracks? then, do i want to have that available for streaming? so, should i have a physical release after all? hrmmn. contemplations on useless.

finalizing skaters (inri005)

audio permanently closed for inri005.

i've presented this track in chronological ordering because i wanted to tell the story of the track itself. looking through my releases, it may be difficult to tell what is an ep from what is a single, and what is an ep from what is a record. this is an ep, and not a single. it's an ep because it's a conceptual ordering of the tracks, rather than just an exploration of a single incarnation of a specific track.

i don't deny that the lyrics are painful. and, wasn't i supposed to be getting rid of painful vocals? well, perhaps. but, note that no vocal takes of this track make it on to any of the abum-format presentations of it, excepting inricycled. the vocals are tied into the concept of the ep, which is a narration of the song as it developed.

so, chronological ordering is the only rational way to present the tracks. further, a comprehensive exploration of the track's development actually becomes necessary, in order to narrate it's entire development.

i'm not going to take this approach to every single. i just think that this track had to be preserved in this kind of way.

===

this is maybe a little hard to understand, if you weren't a teenager in a very specific period - about '91-'99, the 90s i guess, when the nu metal shift "corrected" things and tough guys went backing to being metalheads.

that period overlaps with a period when punk fashion moved from subculture to dominant culture. as with any other failed social revolution, the period is more defined by certain subculture traits being co-opted than it was by any meaningful change in social attitudes, even if it did correspond with a move towards liberalizing social attitudes in the older members of gen x.

i remember playing this for my aunt, who was a teenager in the 80s, and she was just confused by it. in her day, the skaters were the skinny punk kids that got picked on by the meathead jock metal heads. as mentioned, i think people that were teenagers in the 00s may more readily associate with this as well.

but the 90s were weird in this sense. skater culture in the 90s was defined by a sort of thuggish machismo gang mentality that overlapped more into gangster rap than punk rock. what you had where i grew up was a lot of upper middle class white kids skating because it was advertised to them as the "cool thing to do" and in the process co-opting this sort of survivalist 'hood mentality into a tool of oppression that they used to bully and intimidate the kids that, a decade before, would have identified as skateboarders. those kids may have maintained an interest in punk rock, but weren't generally accepted into the skater clique - which was essentially the "in group".

the culmination may seem a little surreal nowadays, if for no other reason than that it's been forgotten. but i remember sneaking through back alleys, evading skateboarding gangs made up of kids into slayer, while i had socal punk music blasting through my headphones. and i'm sure you'll get similar stories if you ask around - or maybe you were also that kid.

on one hand, this track was constructed to be sort of precious, and i think that it is. it's a pretty catchy pop song, really. on the other hand, i think i was trying to be a bit tougher than i actually was. i wasn't one to back down from confrontation - i'm still not. while i think it's true that i could have taken most of these brats one-on-one, i probably would have mostly chosen not to. see, the fear was always more that they'd convert the boards into weapons and then jump you. in canada, guns aren't much of a concern, but knives are.

...and the fear often came out of trivial reasons. talking with somebody's girlfriend. having a pair of headphones or a pair of shoes that might be worth something. basic thug shit.

in hindsight, the analysis here is a little simplistic. suggesting that these kids are going to grow up into pimps is problematic on numerous levels, although i can state with blunt honesty that a number of the people the song was about have grown up to be petty criminals with lengthy criminal records. i have to own that lack of depth and how it comes out in sometimes less than ideal statements, but i'm going to once again blame that on my age.

overall, i like this track on both a musical and thematic level. i just wish i had articulated myself a little bit better.

--

there was a specific story that influenced the track. when i was in the ninth grade, one of these skater bro types took it upon himself to start body-checking me into lockers. it was well understood that this person was older, but that just gave him more clout in the school's skater clique; he knew the older kids that they looked up to. i was never certain if he was on his second or third try at grade 9.

this wasn't the first time somebody had tried to get physical with me, but it was an escalation that i couldn't really tolerate. people flicking my ears was an annoyance, and especially so when it was a game, but it's the kind of thing one withstands. these were full on, run-at-me body checks that seemed to be designed with intent to harm.

i actually tried a few different tactics before i reacted. i tried sitting behind in class until he left, but it was visibly starting to make the female teacher uncomfortable that i was just sitting around waiting after class - and perhaps not unreasonably so. as for bringing it up with the teacher? well, this guy went out of his way to look for a teacher watching before he took a run. i couldn't be followed around by a teacher all day. i had to react on my own.

so, i tricked him into running at my open leg, which had him fall face first into the locker. he did not see the retribution in the act; he got up looking for a fight. as i was walking toward the exit, which was a staircase downwards, he took another run at me - which i dodged. that was an adrenaline filled movement, i tell you - he was full of stupid, hot rage and sidestepped like an angry bull. but, i still had to time it. there was no escape. he ended up falling down several flights of stairs and breaking his leg. consider what would have happened if i hadn't moved - even considering that i may have helped him lose his balance, a little.

from that point onwards, i lived in fear of being swarmed. rumours were floating around that i'd better stay away from certain people - which was a broadcast to me to stay low. i got the message, and spent the next several years sneaking around back passageways in and out of the school. i learned where the cuts in the fences were, how to detour across floor levels to follow the crowd, how to time the bus (we had public transit passes - and that fact alone probably spared me broken bones) to come in to class during the national anthem and other various scheduling and transiting tactics to avoid being alone at critical junctures. and, then i started to enjoy living that way, too.

i don't think that student came back the next year, so i'm not sure if he ever finished grade 9. but, part of the reason i'm telling you this story is that it helps paint a clearer demographic picture of the narrative that i'm presenting. if you remove the "skater" designation, this could be a story about gangs in schools that could be applied equally well across any other grouping. it just happened to be that the gangs at my school were populated by white skater kids, some from the welfare projects and others comfortably middle class. that might help to explain what some might see as a difficult reference point.

initially written in 1997. recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 6, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

this release is compiled on inriℵ0:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 1998, 2013, 2016).

credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocal noises, vocals, samples, production

released january 12, 1998

05-07-2016: closing inri003 & inri004 & inri005

tracks worked on in this vlog:
1) releases:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrisampled
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/fuck-the-dead
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/skaters
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/useless
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
2) loose tracks:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/permission-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/slaves
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/cats-apocalypse
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/a-deleted-exercise-in-hipster-homophobia
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/swim
3) aleph disc:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

looking forward to skaters (inri005)

this is the next ep release, and what i'll be considering before i close it is whether or not it needs to have all of these tracks, or if they might be better left as download only. for this ep, i think i will likely stick with the full treatment, but we'll see.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/skaters

finalizing fuck the dead (inri004)

audio permanently closed for inri004.

i've created a new single release on my final administrative run through the material, and i want to defend the decision to do so. when i was creating the singles in january, this track didn't have any alternate cuts from the new session - i just had the remaster and a bunch of failed versions. there was no drum machine remix and no original demo. so, it wasn't fit for single treatment.

but, material for this track generated as i explored the different ways to present the record. i recreated the middle section for the record. then, i brought in limited vocals for the on sexual confusion in adolescence mini-epic. so, now i do have a couple of alternate versions, and it does make sense to release a single.

i should stress that the single is the vocal cut, which does not make it's way on to any of the album-type configurations.

===

"wait - do you, like, fuck the dead, or something?"

i wasn't the target; i was merely an observer. but, i kind of lived it, too. so, i had to suggest a proper response.

see, i think the absurdity of the response follows from the absurdity of the question, and the proper way to react is to acknowledge the absurdity of the exchange by playing along. my proposal would be to take the topic to it's most absurd logical conclusion by engaging in a logical defense of the absurd accusation, and then annoying that person by bringing it up all of the time. if i saw him walking in the halls, i'd run up to him and loudly tell him that i've got a great argument for necrophilia if he wants to hear it....

now, i wasn't the person being taunted. so, i never got to act on those impulses. nor was the person that was being taunted nearly as indifferent to social conventions as i was. so, my suggestions were never interpreted seriously - despite their sincerity. i think i should acknowledge that i didn't properly understand what this person wanted. see, if it were me, my goal would be to have this person never ever look at me ever again. i would react by providing a set of disincentives to bother me. the more infamous, the more effective. but, i just wanted for them to leave me the fuck alone. this person wanted some kind of "acceptance", so those kinds of belligerent actions were counter-productive in seeking a final resolution.

so, the song is imagining how i would react if i were to be taunted in such a way.

i've created a new single release on my final administrative run through the material, and i want to defend the decision to do so. when i was creating the singles in january, this track didn't have any alternate cuts from the new session - i just had the remaster and a bunch of failed versions. there was no drum machine remix and no original demo. so, it wasn't fit for single treatment.

but, material for this track generated as i explored the different ways to present the record. i recreated the middle section for the record. then, i brought in limited vocals for the on sexual confusion in adolescence mini-epic. so, now i do have a couple of alternate versions, and it does make sense to release a single.

this is not the very first track that i recorded with my new four-track in 1998, but it's the first cut that made the record. something that got lost in the multiple transfers of the file was that the track was built up around a lot of guitar effects and was meant to have a swirling, shoegaze-y kind of feel. i then cut that recording up and inserted a short collage of computer generated sound, followed by a short jam of me playing guitar over a sample of the spiderman theme song - the original one, from 1967. the recorded track then clicks in and concludes itself in some more layered guitar harmonies. i draw attention to this because it is the juxtaposition of folk-y guitars with oppressive, synthesized percussion that forms the basis of interest in this, musically. it's structurally a blues guitar piece, it's just been ported substantially through technology.

originally created in late 1997 and early 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. released on july 4, 2016. finalized on july 5, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

the album version of this track appears on my first record, inri (inri015): 

jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1998, 2013, 2015, 2016).

credits:

j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, vocals, samples, digital wave manipulation, cool edit synthesis, production

released january 9, 1998

finalizing inrisampled (inri003)

that was a nice clean listen. but as far as i can tell, it's just luck. i'm going to let things stabilize in here further before i start bringing in any more gear, as i don't fully understand the fluctuations, yet. i hope my luck lasts indefinitely, but then it wouldn't be luck - something would have changed. i saw the crews coming to put in led lights on the street, and i'd think that should turn the volume down a little, anyways. but, i'm not jumping to conclusions. right now, it's just luck.

i'm going to close inri003.

this is a collection of sound experiments from 1997 that i split off into a self-contained ep in the fall of 2013. the initial idea was for it to comprehensively fill the time gap over the fall of 1997, which meant including some of the drum machine tracks that i was programming at the time, but i quickly split that idea off into a different project, leaving a kind of skeleton of sound art experiments. i then found myself listening to a playlist of those tracks on repeat, as i was trying to figure out how to organize them. the most obvious choice became apparent.

there is actually a thematic continuity across these tracks, as they were all constructed entirely out of samples of existing sound that were layered over top of each other after being looped, time-manipulated, distorted and whatever else. so, the projects split cleanly. as a self-contained unit of sound, this is certainly about as weird a piece of music that you could imagine, which just made it that much more appealing to listen to. as the tracks are all short, they come off more as sections of a longer piece when run directly into each other, despite being nowhere related.

so, the main purpose of this release remains autobiographical, but i'll stand by it as a compelling piece of music, nonetheless.

==

i spent the summer and fall of 1997 programming drum tracks into an ry30, notating them into a tablature program and sequencing them using noteworthy composer. i did not know how i was going to record these tracks. i think i was expecting to use the computer, but that was probably naive; instead, i was gifted a 4-track recording machine. i then spent the next year and a half rearranging and rerecording the songs i programmed over that period. as these tracks were recorded into my pc, they are time stamped...so i have a much clearer understanding of when they were finished.

the jump to incorporating computers into the recording process is something i always wanted to do, it's just that it wasn't really previously feasible. first, there was a learning curve. i was a smart kid, though; the learning curve was just a time concern. the larger problem was simply access to a pc. i did have a pc at my disposal, but it did not have a modem and it was only equipped to run windows 3.1, which basically meant i could run civ 2 and wolfenstein and little else. the windows 95 computer had dial up but it was in a central location for family use.

when we moved across the city, my dad bought a new computer and i happily inherited his old one. this gave me internet access, which allowed me to download some freeware. it also gave me the time i needed to learn how to do certain things.

i'm separating out a handful of my first electronic sound experiments and collecting them together into an ep. what these blasts of noise have in common is that they were constructed on a windows 95 computer out of samples or generated sound and with very primitive software while i was waiting to get some kind of recording equipment. most of it was pasted together meticulously using the windows 95 sound recorder; the rest of it was constructed in cool edit, which i used as a sort of a synthesizer.

for the most part, these weren't really ever meant to be songs. i ended up using them as connectors, introductions, background. "continuity". yet, i find the idea of throwing them together here to be interesting from an autobiographical perspective.

created in mid 1997. sequenced and converted to stereo in november, 2013. released on nov 9, 2013. corrected in september, 2014. finalized on july 5, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).

credits:
j - cool edit (wave synthesis, digital wave editing), windows 95 sound recorder (sampling, digital wave editing), yamaha ry30 drum machine (programming) 

released december 1, 1997

i got a little ahead of myself near the end of yesterday...

as it is, i still have to close inri003 first. i have added a new inri004, the single to fuck the dead. if i can close that and move on to inri005 - skaters - by the end of the night, then i'll be making progress.

03-07-2016: closing inri002 (period 1.1) and seeing the ear doctor for a third time

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

publishing fuck the dead (inri004)

inri004.

===

"wait - do you, like, fuck the dead, or something?"

i wasn't the target; i was merely an observer. but, i kind of lived it, too. so, i had to suggest a proper response.

see, i think the absurdity of the response follows from the absurdity of the question, and the proper way to react is to acknowledge the absurdity of the exchange by playing along. my proposal would be to take the topic to it's most absurd logical conclusion by engaging in a logical defense of the absurd accusation, and then annoying that person by bringing it up all of the time. if i saw him walking in the halls, i'd run up to him and loudly tell him that i've got a great argument for necrophilia if he wants to hear it....

now, i wasn't the person being taunted. so, i never got to act on those impulses. nor was the person that was being taunted nearly as indifferent to social conventions as i was. so, my suggestions were never interpreted seriously - despite their sincerity. i think i should acknowledge that i didn't properly understand what this person wanted. see, if it were me, my goal would be to have this person never ever look at me ever again. i would react by providing a set of disincentives to bother me. the more infamous, the more effective. but, i just wanted for them to leave me the fuck alone. this person wanted some kind of "acceptance", so those kinds of belligerent actions were counter-productive in seeking a final resolution.

so, the song is imagining how i would react if i were to be taunted in such a way.

this is not the very first track that i recorded with my new four-track in 1998, but it's the first cut that made the record. something that got lost in the multiple transfers of the file was that the track was built up around a lot of guitar effects and was meant to have a swirling, shoegaze-y kind of feel. i then cut that recording up and inserted a short collage of computer generated sound, followed by a short jam of me playing guitar over a sample of the spiderman theme song - the original one, from 1967. the recorded track then clicks in and concludes itself in some more layered guitar harmonies. i draw attention to this because it is the juxtaposition of folk-y guitars with oppressive, synthesized percussion that forms the basis of interest in this, musically. it's structurally a blues guitar piece, it's just been ported substantially through technology.

originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. released on july 4, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

this release is compiled on inriℵ0, which also includes all of the deleted versions of the track:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).

credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, vocals, samples, digital wave manipulation, cool edit synthesis, production

released january 9, 1998

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/fuck-the-dead


1) this is one of the tracks that had lyrics that i didn't want to give up entirely, because the obvious absurdity of them takes the track to a different level. it was more that i wanted to clean the vocals up - remove some sections that weren't as well thought out to just let the insolence shimmer. plus, i wanted to get rid of those damned samples. but, i felt the core of the vocal track actually pulled the song along, if presented in the right context. i eventually decided that the right context was to separate out the introductory six track mini-epic and incorporate vocals from the three constituent tracks: i did your mom, fuck the dead and confused. confused would actually be a full vocal take, whereas the vocals for the other two were spliced up strategically. that left me with a standalone vocal single for this track, as well as a few outtakes. i'm taking advantage of that to release this track as a single. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. track dated jan 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3


2) this is the version that i was able to salvage from the source tapes. it does not include the breakdown in the middle, as that was not present in the source tapes. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015. track dated july 5, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-instrumental-edit


3) when i decided to redo the record, i had to reintegrate the breakdown, which was sourced from less reliable materials. this is an unsequenced take of that - a relic of the recording process. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. track dated jan 3, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-instrumental-mix


4) this version is taken directly from the record and consequently includes bleed from the preceding and subsequent tracks. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. track dated jan 8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-final-album-version


5) deleted 2013 remaster. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. track dated dec 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-2013-remaster-2

6) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from a 112 kbps mp3. originally created in 1998. track dated jan 9, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-1998-archive-2

i've still got some listening to do, but it's very much reduced - i've closed period 1.1, and the transition into 1.2, inri003. that should update in the next few hours.

the next section is going to require some kind of an extra placeholder, because it's very revisionist - i'm going to be inserting instrumental versions in as replacements for tracks that have always had vocals up until this point. so, this is more than just a remix, this is a complete reconstruction. i need to accurately date that reproduction to the early part of this year - recently. yet, i'm going to be sequencing the reconstructions in to the 1998-1999 period, as well - as though they were all that ever was.

i think i should put the placeholder in to the 2013 uplift stage, and mention that the vocal versions are only on the period retrospective aleph-disc - which is not entirely true. many of the tracks are available on singles.

that's actually maybe a more honest way to do the bulk of it. i can timeline the 1998 versions properly where they exist. i'm just mapping them to a different collection, in a lot of the cases. the aleph-only versions are actually going to be rare for the full length tracks. but, the ghost structure has to exist, nonetheless, i think - to reflect what was actually there.

this is going to be a little bit involved, then - meaning i'd like to split the day over it. i'm not sure when i'll close inri003, exactly, but that's the extent of my ambitions for the rest of the night.

finalizing inricycled (inri002)

this was posted to google+ the other day and is how i'm going to close the disc here.

this is inri002; it's what i've been listening to in the other room for the last day or so. what it does is combine bits and pieces of my first two demos, which are largely unlistenable, into something that can actually be enjoyed. i've pointed out that the first demo has a kind of abstract quality to it that has the potential to find an extreme niche audience somewhere between philosophy of the world and trout mask replica. that's great and all, but most people find that kind of thing too challenging.

this is far more digestible - which also means far less cringe-y. there are some short vocal sections, but it's broadly instrumental. the sections are usually short. so, it's a mix tape. all of the snippets were recorded in 1996 or 1997, but the mix was constructed in 2013.

i'm posting this now because i'm enjoying it for what it is. i've come to the conclusion that this is a really seriously worthwhile addition to my discography. when i first mixed it, it was more as a way to save face - i wanted to be able to do something with all these little pieces of sound that were ruined by bad lyrics. it's grown on me as a really positive decision.

it's weird. very weird. that's why i like it so much. but, it's contained and sort of catchy, too. there's an audience for this, for sure. and i'm proud of this now, finally.

==

i've released a dozen different things with the title "inricycled", making it more of a concept than a release. it's not just the material i'm recycling, now, it's the idea of recycling material.

i hope this is the final iteration. the difference, here, is that i'm trying to isolate segments of songs that people interested in my more recent compositions would find interesting. these fragments aren't entirely void of lyrics, but they're very minimal. they're also quite short.

i've retitled most of the tracks to get a feel of what the music sounds like and/or what i was thinking as i was writing it.

the material in this volume is taken from the first two cassette demos, inri000 and inri001.

this is the best possible absolute starting point for my musical material.

written and recorded over 1996 and 1997. digitally remastered, sequenced and mildly modified in the fall of 2013. released dec 11, 2013. finalized as lp000 on july 3, 2016. i consider this my unofficial zeroth record. as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).

credits:

j - guitars, effects, bass, drums, vocals, keyboards, tapes, found sounds, metronomes, digital wave editing, production. 

released july 1, 1997

02-07-2016: closing inri001 and discussing inri002

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

finalizing inri001

yeah. i just got a quick, clean listen of inri001 in on the official setup and it sounds great. i can only hope that this clarity lasts. i'm going to try it through the other gear, but i'm closing it.

this record is very much a continuation of the first demo, but it's also a kind of an appendix to it. if the charm of the first demo is in it's outsider music abstraction, this demo could easily be overlooked. but, it's in truth a more honest representation of the more ordered side of what i was attempting to create. the record also contains cringey moments, but they're not as pronounced and in truth are even largely overshadowed by the increased order in sound. so, despite the charms of the first demo, this is far more predictive regarding the music i would create over the next few years.

near the end of the demo, i become cognizant of the fact that my family is moving and i will lose the recording space - specifically the drums and the recording machine. i kept the guitars, as i was intellectually invested in them previous to the room, and my dad kept the bass. this awareness of an end point brought me to several summary type songs near the end, where i'm attempting to close the idea down prematurely. i always intended for this demo to be the same length as the first one, i just ran out of time. so, the cassette will leave the second side of a 100 minute tape blank.

while i can ultimately not honestly diagnose this demo as any more listenable than the first one, in absolute terms, it is certainly a lot closer to it. again: is this an asset or a drawback? it depends on the perspective. there's something to be said for me finishing my ideas more clearly, even if it means a loss at the level of the surreal - which is actually important in appreciating this, as one cannot actually listen to it.

that's not to say that this demo doesn't get outright weird, as it certainly does. it's just that the weirdness is more composed and less accidental - again, it's a stale academic argument, but it has a real meaning in the contrasted aesthetics.

so, i'd request that you interpret it as a reflection of the first demo rather than try and build a direct comparison with it. i'm pointing this out because i'm bundling them together in chronological time and associating them to one another due to the shared recording environment, but the value of this is more in the contrast than in the comparison.

so, i think it has a path to an audience, if not necessarily an obvious one just right now. it's too good to be intriguingly awful, but not good enough to appeal on it's own merits. so, it has to be understood in chronological context - as a transitional recording.

==

my second demo, recorded over the second half of the tenth grade, is a considerably more polished recording. by this time, i had learned a lot about how to record things and had improved my drumming and keyboard playing. while the vocals remain highly erratic, ranging from precociously insightful to devastatingly stupid, the music here is actually not far from a professional recording.

recorded in spring 1997, remastered in fall 2013. finalized on july 3, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

i consider this an archival release with little direct listening value. i've pointed out repeatedly that i was 16. however, various segments have been isolated and pulled out for a higher listenability value over here:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled-a

this release also includes a printable j-card insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).

credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, drums, keyboards, tapes, vocals, found sounds, metronomes, production\

released june 1, 1997

the interference seems better tonight. figuratively knock on wood. the air is running, so it doesn't seem to be dominant.

i was able to finish the inri000 listening along with a lot of filekeeping related to it, including a j-card insert. i am comprehensively moving on, except to eventually update it with liner notes from the alter-reality (1996), 2013 and right now. that will happen around christmas...

inri002 is up next, and i'm going to try to take advantage of the low interference and go right for the mixer for the night. i could even close it by the next sleep.

j-card insert added to download for inri000.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1

a comment about inri002

i'm going to jump ahead a little bit. but this is a sidenote.

this is inri002; it's what i've been listening to in the other room for the last day or so. what it does is combine bits and pieces of my first two demos, which are largely unlistenable, into something that can actually be enjoyed. i've pointed out that the first demo has a kind of abstract quality to it that has the potential to find an extreme niche audience somewhere between philosophy of the world and trout mask replica. that's great and all, but most people find that kind of thing too challenging.

this is far more digestible - which also means far less cringe-y. there are some short vocal sections, but it's broadly instrumental. the sections are usually short. so, it's a mix tape. all of the snippets were recorded in 1996 or 1997, but the mix was constructed in 2013. and, i believe that i will expand it in the upcoming days into a full 90 minute mix tape. it's currently sequenced for cd.

i'm posting this now because i'm enjoying it for what it is. i've come to the conclusion that this is a really seriously worthwhile addition to my discography. when i first mixed it, it was more as a way to save face - i wanted to be able to do something with all these little pieces of sound that were ruined by bad lyrics. it's grown on me as a really positive decision.

it's weird. very weird. that's why i like it so much. but, it's contained and sort of catchy, too. there's an audience for this, for sure. and i'm proud of this now, finally.

ok, so what happened was that i spent thursday night looking for something, and then i figured i couldn't find it - so i said i'd do some listening on friday. but, then i found what i was looking for on friday and hence did not do any listening. but, i've put the vlogs on hold, i've done the prep that was required and i'm ready to get to some serious listening for most of the next week.

while i was doing prep, i spent a lot of time listening to inri002 and have developed some further ideas about how to distribute it. so, i'm going to be abstractly packaging some cassettes - but i don't have a cassette deck, so i can't actually make them. instead, i'll put the packaging in the download.

in fact, i think that i'm going to do that across the board. it may act as an incentive for digital purchase, and that might help me with eventual physical distribution. i'll have to be forthright: you don't get a number with a download.

that's yet another added level of complexity to the process, which is just more information overload. but, i'll eventually finish the packaging.

i haven't done headphone listening of either inri002 or inri003 yet, but they are definitely closed, audio-wise. i'm just waiting to get the proper time stamp.

the second half of yesterday was messy. i actually don't think i was planning on getting anything done, anyways. but, i *do* plan to get some listening in today.

i've been to a doctor a few times this week about the degenerative disease it seems like i have. that's something i'm going to be doing over the next year or two, as i seek to figure out what the fuck this is.

i need to be clear: i don't have a clue what it is. not the slightest. it's a lot of the same symptoms you get after a stroke, or get when you have ms, or get when you have als, or get when you have cancer, even...

these are symptoms that have been bothering me for around ten years, now. in some ways, they are getting worse. yet, they kind of come and go, too. i just always lived with it. facial tics are annoying, but not worth the time to see a doctor. i can deal with a sore back every now and again. & etc. but, the dysphagia has been really scary at points over the last couple of years. this isn't new, either, though - i remember it being awful for short periods as far back as ten years ago. what's new is that it hasn't receded now in quite a while.

the first thing i wanted to do was quit smoking habitually. done. since january. i wanted to make sure i wasn't just dehydrated, too, and i think i've ruled that out. the next thing that i wanted to do was rule out an ear infection, as a lot of the symptoms seem to be centered on my left ear. what's the point in getting mris and talking to neurologists for the next ten months if i just have an ear infection, right? so, i did that this week. i will get results on monday and am not certain what they will be. the doctor eliminated an actual infection as a cause, but the admin seemed to note something unusual around my ear drum when she was doing aural testing.

i don't think i had a stroke, although i've had periodic fainting spells for years (none recently). i got rid of them by not smoking on an empty stomach, although i think some of it was also heat stroke. i also think that this has been going on for too long for it to be cancer. the simple truth is that nobody has untreated cancer for ten years without the symptoms getting overwhelming. yes: the dysphagia is bad right now. but, it always previously came and went. if i had a cancer in my ear ten years ago, i'd almost certainly be dead by now.

so, i've kind of long deduced something like ms (or als, or...) by default. what else could it be?

well, something i've overlooked this whole time is lyme disease. i was just reading up on it. the symptoms are pretty accurate - especially the facial tic. i don't explicitly remember the rash, but would i have been able to tell it from a mosquito bite? i've had lots of mosquito bites over the last ten years, and some period of being "eaten alive". the absence of a rash is not absolute, either. you'd think that untreated lyme disease for a decade or more would be pretty serious by now, but that's at least a way out from ms or als.

the only other way out that i can think of is that my jaw keeps healing wrong and then fracturing and then healing wrong again, and it's basically just fucked that side of my face up so badly that everything has stopped working right. essentially, then, my face would be fucked. i know you appreciate my technical definition and in depth knowledge. but, i think there is something to this.

i wanted to do this one thing at a time to keep the issue straight in my head and i don't want to see a neurologist until everything else is ruled out. let's say i have ms, in the end. it's untreatable. i lose nothing by waiting for the diagnosis. i gain everything by avoiding a misdiagnosis.

so, i will go in on monday after i get my hearing test results and set referral appointments to check both for lyme disease and for skeletal issues. i'm also going to see if i can get my tongue checked for cancer, just in case.

it's only once i go through that process that i will consent to see a neurologist to check for a degenerative disease.

right now, i'm honestly kind of leaning towards lyme disease. - and i'm irritated with myself for not thinking of it sooner.

i got some listening in this morning as i was doing grocery shopping, although i kind of crashed when i got back. i also had to do some mundane tasks like wash strawberries, budgeting, etc...

the listen was over inri001 and inri002, and while they were both only half-engaged listens (while doing things like analyzing tomatoes), i can at least say i expect to close them both fairly quick, presuming the gear co-operates.

i think i'm going to wait for more careful listens before i do any final thoughts analyses.

29-06-2016: going for a hearing test and coming home to a noisy room

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

so, i did finally get through almost the whole record, but it was punctuated by about a dozen stops to adjust the foil. the cause and effect was overwhelming - it shorted out whenever the cage broke and it was solid for long periods whenever the cage was in tact.

the way i understand this is that that more or less clarifies that the issue is in fact an external field, and not bad wiring. any remaining doubts on this point are now gone.

what it is that i'm going to do about it is a lot less clear.

the a/c is running upstairs at full blast. i may have grounds for a noise complaint to get it turned off. but i don't have strong evidence that there's any real relationship between the two things and am not going to go down that path until i do. the noise itself doesn't actually bother me...

i have some shopping to do early in the morning, and i'm going to want to listen to the last third of the record before i go on, but i have every reason to expect to move on to inri001 at some point tomorrow.

the idea that i can maintain a full aluminum foil faraday cage over this wire is purely utopian - and every time a hole opens up, i'm exposing the wire to possible interference, when the interference is heavy. so, this isn't really sustainable. it never really was. it was always merely workable.

i'd obviously like to just use some shielded cables, but replacements for these phones are out of my price range. absurdly so, even.

nonetheless, i have done enough listening to conclude that the primary issue is in fact environmental, which i already knew. when i can cover the line, the short clears and the signal is clear. it's just that it doesn't last long...

so, what can i do? for now, i need to mix when the field is weaker. mornings. weekdays. that's what i did to get through the last batch of stuff, before i quit smoking.

in the long run?

well, there are these little rings you can put on the wires but the physics suggests to me that it's going to deaden the signal. somebody will tell me this is obvious. but, the only thing that's obvious to me is that i don't want this.

something else i can try is to block entry and exit points with some rmf shielding. they make tape, window tints, curtains....

i think the aluminum is going to remain my dominant solution for the foreseeable future, though. i'm just going to have to be patient about replacing it.

season 8

27-06-2016: confirming the interference still exists, and shielding my brain with tinfoil

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

today was actually a long day, and while i haven't moved on to inri001, i've at least set myself up for it.

i was able to confirm that the phones are still picking up a charge, and that the charge can be easily drained from the cable. the totality of evidence suggests i'm dealing with an environmental magnetic field, but i still have the possibility of bad wiring (no ground) as a cause.

i want to see if it's the field, first. i only had half of the cord covered with foil. i spent several hours this afternoon lining the entire cord over....

while i haven't listened to it with full coverage yet, it is ready to go when i wake up.

the other things that happened today were that i spent a lot of time eating as a consequence of the schedule doubling over, and that i did a lot of editing on the vlogs. the google+ page is just about wiped, so my reacts should be back to normal, pretty much, now.

i'm falling asleep...

26-06-2016: enough listening to close inri000, but slowed down by further annoyances

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

so, i've tried a few times to get a good listen in and there's been a number of complicating factors. i decompressed from flac to wav and it helped - i think maybe because i caught the machine in an upsample to 32 bits. i do still think that might be a factor. it's apparently hard to get windows to not upsample, but that's why i've stripped everything down to asio for now. i'm still getting some kind of interference on the old phones, but i wasn't getting it on the new ones so i'm not convinced that it's local. rather, it's the same apparent broad field issue that these phones seem to have big problems with, sometimes.

the a/c will be on strong for a while; i managed to get the heat in here up past thirty due to the nice humidity outside. finally.....so, i have a strong control, anyways.

as for what i have heard, it's kind of a mix of what i might expect from the equipment and what i might expect from the interference. these phones are absolutely flat and consequently absolutely honest. what that means is that it's a lot less forgiving, and i'm getting a more accurate signal - which means less bass and harsher highs. it's a reminder that newer equipment is newer and people aren't necessarily going to hear these pieces the way that i'm intending - but that mileage varies, and sometimes there are accidental improvements, even if that's hard to even define because it's actually all relative.

it's probably obvious that i need to listen a bit more to disentangle it and get a cleaner understanding of what i'm hearing. so, i'm going to try listening to the old phones through the laptop, and the new phones through the mixer. once again, this is just to isolate - the first two demos simply cannot be further altered. the audio is otherwise closed.

as mentioned, i will need to wait until the alter-reality catches up before i can permanently close the record. for this demo, that will happen at christmas.

but, i've now posted all the posts that i need to post, so i'll be moving on from inri000 when i feel i'm ready to - either tonight or tomorrow.

finalizing inri000

these are the first demos i recorded, written 1994-1996 and recorded in the second half of 1996. this corresponds to the end of my 15th year and the beginning of my grade 10 school year. on the one hand, it's an intriguing document of a socially maladjusted teenage punk. on the other hand, it's a 15 year-old kid learning how to use a recording studio (and how to play the drums). influences are displayed on my sleeve just a little too loudly at times.

i was attempting to create something that could be described by the words disturbing, schizophrenic, unique, bizarre, twisted. looking back, i think i succeeded more than i realized at the time. this is a difficult listen that would be appealing to fans of the obscurantist reaches of 80s punk and 90s grunge. i manage to maintain a strange sense of melody, though. in truth, my current adult self is somewhat impressed with my teenaged self at this current point.

that being said, it should not be forgotten that i was fifteen. i am at times rather crude, and i display a childlike understanding of certain issues. most poetry written at the age of fifteen is not particularly insightful. again, though, i surprise myself at points.

this is the first time i'm publishing these demos in any form. i've remained frighteningly self-conscious of them over the years. over the last seventeen years, the audience has been extremely limited. initial reactions suggested i take some time to perfect my performance skills, particularly my drumming skills. however, this indicated a lack of understanding of my intent in the overall sound. the playing is quite purposefully abstract with the aim of exploring mental illness.

the demos were initially dub-mastered onto a 110 minute tape that would have flipped after the eighth track. that tape was at some point recorded into a soundblaster and compressed very heavily; this is the only source of the material that i still have. so, i had to decompress the files from those 128 (or worse) kbps mp3s and run them through some digital mastering equipment in an attempt to "undo" the compression. what that is is a half-effective trick to recover data that is in actuality forever lost. nonetheless, i should point out that while these files were recorded entirely in 1996, they were substantially digitally modified in late 2013. finalized on june 26, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

i consider this an archival release with little direct listening value. i've pointed out repeatedly that i was 15. however, various segments have been isolated and pulled out for a higher listenability value over here:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled-a

this release also includes a printable j-card insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996, 2013, 2016).

credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drums, vocals, keyboards, tapes, found sounds, percussion, production.

released december 25, 1996

of course, as soon as i claim i'm awake, i get sleepy.

i'm truly caught up and will be back to work tomorrow.

new post at the alter-reality

june 25, 1996 

the quake soundtrack is really, really, really awesome

i almost forgot about this thing. remember: i can't be on the internet too often, because it's only available on the computer in the shared room. but, school's out....not forever....so, i don't really have a schedule for the next few months.

my marks were pretty good. As in the important courses, Bs in the unimportant ones. i'm excited about not having to take phys ed anymore next year - it always drives my average down, every year. i get As in english and math and science and then this big, stupid ugly B in phys ed that takes me down a grade point. it's really unfair. who cares about phys ed? why should it kill my average like this? the other class i always get Bs in is french. i'd like to squirm out of it, but i know my dad won't let me. they say it's important to speak french in ottawa, but the truth is that i've never met anybody that speaks french here, ever. supposedly, you need to speak french to get a job in the government. well, that's easy: i won't work for the government, then. they made the rules, not me. i just find it really irrational to have to speak two languages and so i can't study for it because it's just a stupid idea. i'd rather be doing anything else at all. why can't we all just speak one language? i don't even care if it's english. i'd be happy to learn chinese starting tomorrow if it meant i only had to deal with one language. i'd even be happy to learn french tomorrow if i could forget about english altogether. what drives me crazy about learning multiple languages is the redundancy. it's inefficient. illogical. irrational...

i don't know what i'm going to do this summer. i usually spend the summer entirely by myself; i've never had any friends. i went to elementary school on an army base but i didn't live on the army base so there was never anybody around that i went to school with. so, i would just stay inside. last summer, i played a lot of guitar and read a lot of books. my stepmother wants me to get a job, but that sounds like a waste of time. what would i spend the money on? i'd rather not have money and have time than have money and not have time. i don't really understand why she's so insistent. dad says i'm still too young to work and i shouldn't worry about it, but he wants me to go get a social insurance number anyways, just in case. she gets really mad when he says that, and says i'll have to do chores, then, instead. she seems to honestly think that i have a responsibility to pay rent through manual labour in order to stay here. she calls it "room and board".

i hope that what happened last year doesn't happen again. i was having a nice summer until my step-mother took her yearly holidays and forced me to spend the day outside pulling weeds. she insisted i didn't tell my father. so, i was working six hours a day in the hot sun for a whole week. i assumed my allowance would go up as a result as i was doing more than my expected weekly chores, but when i inquired she told me that i was just paying the rent. this made perfect sense to her. it did not make any sense to me at all - so, i refused to pull weeds any longer unless she promised to pay up and she locked me out of the house. she said i was getting evicted. when my dad got home, i explained what had happened and a huge fight erupted. he told me that i was right and she was wrong and took me to the music store and let me pick out $100 worth of cassettes. he wanted me to understand that my labour was worth something and i should never work for free. he said she has a "chemical imbalance" and goes crazy sometimes and it's something we'll both have to live with forever. he said she understands that what she did was wrong. but, they fought about it for a long time afterwards. i don't know if i agree that she thought what she did was wrong.

i think at least a part of the summer is going to be spent in the basement building a sound proof room. dad used to play the drums when he was younger, and he wants a place where he can go back to playing them. my stepmother won't let him get a drum kit because it's too loud. so, he wants to get sound paneling and insulation for an isolated room in the basement. he says he'll need me to help him - and that i should bring some friends over to start a band once we're done. he'll even put a bass in there, too.

i listened to the new soundgarden record a lot this month and really like it, but it's been replaced in my walkman by the new nine inch nails record. my computer is too slow to run quake; i don't have enough ram for it. it can run wolfenstein, but i haven't played wolfenstein in a few years. i only play civ 2, now. but, my step uncle is a really big id games fan and he let me dub a copy of it. he thought the soundtrack was effective in the game, but that it was really funny that anybody might listen to it as music. he says he'd rather listen to the who.

i don't think it's as good as fixed, which is my favourite record of all time. it's different. it's kind of scary, almost. but, i've been listening to it nonstop since sunday and i just can't get out of it.

it's getting late, so i should pretend that i'm going to bed. i'm too old to have a bed time, but i know that people have to get up in the morning so i adjust to it in keeping quiet past a certain time. i can't say when my next update will be. maybe the room will be done?

http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/06/the-quake-soundtrack-is-really-really.html

this day was one of loose ends and it took longer than i wanted it to, but i'm completely caught up now and awake and alert enough to keep it going.

i seem to be being carefully tugged back to google+ through redirects, the implication being to chill out and just leave my rants here.

the whole point of this is a reaction to separating google+ from youtube, which i'm still pissed off about. what i want is reintegration.

as it is, i don't want to rant over a social media network. if i was going to do that, i wouldn't use google+. nobody uses google+. i'd use facebook. you know - a social network that people actually read.

the whole point of this is that i need to convert my comments into videos for two reasons:

1) there is no longer any feed for youtube comments (that was the sole purpose of google+ - a feed for youtube).
2) youtube comments are now too volatile to be useful.

if your solution is "use google plus", that's basically equivalent to telling me to talk to the wall. i want to use youtube, for the precise reason that it is not a social network, meaning there are not privacy settings.

i'm trying to create a character for public consumption to sell music, not talk over the internet with friends in a way that the government can archive.

i don't see google+ as comparable to facebook, or in any way in competition to it. a better way to compute the way i'd interpret google+ is as comparable to disqus - it was a way that people can find the comments i've left in various spaces, and interact with the author of those comments.

that's actually a decent solution that will let the google+ douchebags maintain their snowflake status, while opening up youtube: just integrate with disqus. that's really what i'm looking for. not a social front end, exactly, just a home base.

i mean, don't misunderstand me too deeply. i've been transparent for years and years: this is marketing. that's my goal. i'm marketing my music, first and foremost. does that mean i'm being disingenuous? well, not at all. but, if you're actually listening to what i'm saying, you might guess that i'm a little bit less than optimistic about the possibilities for serious revolutionary change in my lifetime.

if there's any ambiguity, let me be clear: north america has precisely zero revolutionary potential. none. nada. zilch. and, i've stated this a few times, already: being an anarchist is a fucking lonely reality in a staunchly neo-liberal society. the social revolution comes first, sure, but we're not even at the point where we can talk about a social revolution. we're at the point where we have to teach people how to spell revolution, and then carefully explain what that means.

when we have social movements here - and elsewhere in the world - the way those social movements manifest themselves is as sitting in the public square and loudly chanting for government to solve our problems. we don't have a clue. and, it's not some accident, either. we're absolutely reliant on the state. even those who want to push back think that what revolution means is "force the government to fix things that are broken".

nobody is talking about seizing means of production or redistributing surplus value. the narrative is just foreign, and when you try and have the discussion all you get is confused stares. what people want is equal opportunity to compete over a free market, and welfare for those that fall through the cracks. go talk to them. have you? because i have. there's no imagination, no forward thinking. you'll walk away thinking that it really is the end of  history.

even the ones that call themselves "anarchists" sound like calvinist fundamentalists when you push them on it. the kids drawing circled as think anarchism means social darwinism and the abolition of redistributive mechanisms, rather than the abolition of private property. they get their concept of anarchism out of the dictionary; they think council democracy is statist.

so, sure: i'd like to be a threat to the status quo. i'd love it. i can't do it by myself. and, i'm aware that there's not even the most basic beginnings of a social revolution anywhere at all. i don't know if there ever was, but i don't think we're anywhere close to it.

i think the best hope the left has is for mechanization to take over and force us into communes by necessity. i'm basically waiting for this. i give it thirty years, max. but i'll probably be dead by then.

so, what i have left to care about while i'm waiting for the economic determinism to determine itself is art. that's it.

if you think i'm some kind of threat to the status quo, you should pull your head out of your ass.

and, i'm just not keen on banging my head against the wall until i die of brain damage. fuck that. give me a guitar.

so, you know - take me seriously in the sense of believing that i believe what i'm saying. i do. usually. it's hard to tell when i'm trolling sometimes, sure, but not that hard. but, realize that i know my ideas have no possibility of traction.

maybe i'm ahead of my time. maybe i'm just fucked. who knows....

well, i didn't turn the machine back on like i promised. instead, i spent the day narrating some old vlogs. i planned to hit a concert after an appointment on the 23rd, so it seemed silly to turn it back on - and that's partly why i decided to narrate on the 22nd. but, i crashed early instead. yesterday was just lost....partly due to brexit, although i kept my mouth shut.

but, i'm caught up with the vlogs, now. i don't see any serious bottlenecks for the near future, either. so, i've got a little bit more shit to do this morning but feel i can close the first demo by the end of the day, for sure.

a strange inversion around a small joy formidable show in ferndale

so, i got out of the house a little late - it wasn't initially a cause for strict concern, and there was a bus waiting for me at the stop. score. but, i was a little surprised by how full it was. in the fifty or so times i've taken the bus over to detroit, this was the first time i had to stand. the bus was just packed with young females, and i kind of wondered where they were going but was really more concerned about what effect this would have on customs...

had i been allowed to just walk through, it would have been nothing. but, this request was denied (itself unusual), which had me stand on the bus for an extra twenty minutes. i was literally getting off at the first stop, meaning they had me sit there on the bus for twenty minutes to take the bus about 100 yards. it's just another example of the absolute absurdity they have people go through at the borders for reasons of political bullshit. one day, we'll get together and abolish this border altogether. we'll send the cops home without pay. there will be parties in the streets. until that day comes...

the end result was that i missed the bus, and nearly missed the bus after that. it was about a half hour delay, altogether - and absolutely needlessly.

--

i then got stuck in traffic in detroit, also for the first time. how is that possible? well, i suppose it was an earlier show than i'm used to. there's also continuing construction in detroit, which had me take some weird detours i hadn't taken before.

i ended up at the bus station around 8:00, which was doors. i was intending to be there closer to 7:00, to get to the venue for doors - because i wasn't sure what kind of crowd this band could generate in a city like detroit. i knew it was a smaller venue than i might expect. was that a good guess on turnout or a poor booking choice?

--

the opening band started playing as soon as i walked in. i'm not going to say a lot about them, other than that they didn't impress me at all. which is not to say they were terrible, just painfully generic. kind of like an uninspired cure. or the smiths. which is basically the same thing.

(in the background, shots can be heard)

there was an unusually short wait between sets. or, at least it felt that way. i'd guess they were on around 9:15. i got out of the venue a little after 11:00 - so we got a nice long set. i have to admit i was expecting that, but it's also not at all like the kind show i'd usual go to so it was a nice change.

the set was a mix of the expected and the unexpected. some of the tracks were identical to the versions on the record (and included things like sampled strings, which is forgivable - one would hardly expect them to bring an orchestra, if the strings were ever even live in the first place, and why would they be nowadays?), whereas others had rather substantial rearrangements including instrumentation and tempo shifts. the lead singer at one point remarked that if they were going to play the record as it was, you'd might as well stay home and listen to it in your room. i'm not sure i agree that i'd might as well have stayed home, but i appreciate the switch-up nonetheless.

they even came down into the floor of the audience for a short, totally unplugged (no mics) acoustic set. this only worked because the venue was so small, and the crowd was so sparse. i certainly didn't have any trouble getting in; i've learned that detroit is very american-centric across the board, so it wasn't a surprise that the crowd for a welsh band was underwhelming. the scale, however, hit me off guard. in truth, they could have played a much smaller room.

...except they couldn't have, because we would have all walked out with bleeding ears. this was about as small a space as a band like this can play without compromising the dynamics. you might think the smaller room, the better but you'd be wrong. i saw loma prieta in a closet once, and it was the perfect space because the sound caved in on itself. this band isn't like that; it needs a little air. the volume wants closer walls, yes, but the ambience wants you to open the room.

as this band is from wales, this tour may be the only chance you get to see them in an actual venue. i don't doubt they'll come back, but they tend to play open-air festivals. there's reasons for this that are very tactical, and i'm sure it's a fun experience. but, i'd argue that the ideal is seeing them in a closed room for the reasons i've mentioned.

i do, however, have to critique the setlist a little. they seemed overly focused on album tracks. they even played a b-side (which is the track i caught, here). that meant that they dropped a lot of the harder hitting, single-type tracks that seemed like they were written to play live. i'm not sure what they were thinking there. it could have been venue specific. but, i'm not sure that logic really holds. if you write a song to play live, that song is going to be even more powerful in a small space than it is in a big space.

that's a minor criticism, though. like i say - you should get out to see them while you can because i think there's a pretty high chance that they'll never do anything like this ever again.

here is a full set:

i explain in the day's vlog that the commotion in downtown detroit was a beyonce concert:

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/06/14.html

skipped shows

i intended to catch this at mocad last night, but my schedule didn't co-operate and i ended up falling asleep instead.

i must also admit that i didn't want to take the bus with the fucking guns 'n' roses fans.

actually, i should point out that i skipped the screaming females on tuesday as well, but it was very conscious - i know they only play half hour sets, and they're touring right now with three other bands, all of which are terrible. so, i'd have to go all the way to ferndale, suffer through three shitty sets and then get rewarded by having to spend the night in the dunkin' donuts, because i'd have missed the bus.

i will (and have) get stuck overnight if it's worth it. the show didn't strike me as worth it.

i would like to publicly request that the band drop the facade that they're still some unknown punk band from jersey or something and just do a real tour already. nobody's going to get bored if you do an hour set. promise.

i've been awake, but i haven't been awake. i am now. i'll be turning the machine back on within minutes....

i ended up crashing before i got any listening done, but i at least got a good amount of sleep. i sleep much better when it's warm and humid. but, i woke up to a frequent frustrating reality: it was cold in here. again...

i've had the heat turned up to 28 now for a few hours, with the windows closed to keep the heat in. this is a terrible solution, though, because it makes it so dry in here.

there was a positive signal tonight, though: flickering lights. that indicates that the circuit might be on the brink. if i can get the line to blow, the day or two it takes to fix it might be enough for me to win this fight for the whole summer.

it's not that i need it at 28. i'd be happy with it at 25, if the machine wasn't sucking all the humidity out of the air. 25 and mildly humid is roughly equivalent to 28 and dangerously dry. so, if i can get the air off for a few days and rebuild the humidity in here, that could be enough to have the heat off until september, anyways. it's just that we never got a chance this year because the turnover was so immediate.

it's just a few more hours before i can get the windows wide open and hopefully get the humidity back up. right now, i need to get something to eat. i'll be doing finally listening on demo #1 this afternoon, once i'm fed.

well, i think i found a bed bug

i'm not an entomologist, but it looks like one to me.

i have it in a ziploc bag in the freezer.

a few things.

1) i have no physical signs of bites, and no reason to think the bugs have been downstairs for a long period.
2) i have no proposed source.
3) so, they would have to have migrated from upstairs to downstairs - and i think the totality of evidence makes that obvious.

there's a non-trivial possibility that it's some other kind of bug. again: i'm no entomologist. but, it does certainly look like one to me.

i have no requests for action in the basement. again: i have not been bit. but, if you required evidence for action upstairs then i may have it for you.

(pause)

the only other thing i can think of is that it might be booklice.

fwiw, i found it walking on the hallway floor - nowhere near the bed.

anyways - i don't have bites. i can't complain if i don't have bites! but if you need evidence for upstairs, i may have some.

or, if the problem from upstairs has become more obvious over the last little while, it may be spreading.

(pause)

on second thought, i saw a second bug this morning and i think it's not a bed bug but a roach nymph. i'll hang on to the body for a few days.

that would be more consistent with what i've noticed down here.

i've checked my body carefully - still no signs of bites.

j

20/21-06-2016: thoughts on inri000, and other things (markets, keystone)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

yeah, i gave it a really good listen and it seemed to settle down and then break up again - but i'm not certain it's interference, as it could be the sound isolation. when i remastered this, i put it through a lot of reverb to compensate for the mp3 compression (that's what mp3s destroy. sort of. i claim that functional lossless audio over convolution reverb is possible, but probably not useful). when it gets messy, it seems to be too much reverb. but, i mastered with my trusty 440-IIs.

the truth is that the degradation i'm hearing is what i expect to hear. i'm just a little weirded out by what seems like a lack of consistency.

i'm going for round two of my daily meal. i needed a boost in calories; the way it's working out is that i make myself these pasta dishes and need two tries to finish it. so, i'm eating twice daily instead of once daily. i think that's a good thing, actually.

i'll turn the pc on when i get back, and probably get a good listen through the mixer and the 440-IIs before i crash. but, i actually remastered this over the m-audio card (which is currently not installed). we'll have to see how it sounds.

i do expect that the phones are the dominant factor and it should be fine once i get enough volume through a flat signal.

these phones really need a strong signal to open up the sound. i think that is the biggest issue with them. even with the laptop at full output, it still sounds distant - although it's a little clearer through the laptop, with a loss of saturation on the bass (which may actually be because the source is flac rather than mp3 - the compression may be beneficial).

i haven't turned the pc on yet. i'd normally have an amplifier in the signal chain, but, for now, the mixer will have to do.

and, the mixer has ponies. i do not doubt this. i'll have to see how obvious it is. but, that is what i'm doing, right now.