finalizing fuck the dead (inri004)

audio permanently closed for inri004.

i've created a new single release on my final administrative run through the material, and i want to defend the decision to do so. when i was creating the singles in january, this track didn't have any alternate cuts from the new session - i just had the remaster and a bunch of failed versions. there was no drum machine remix and no original demo. so, it wasn't fit for single treatment.

but, material for this track generated as i explored the different ways to present the record. i recreated the middle section for the record. then, i brought in limited vocals for the on sexual confusion in adolescence mini-epic. so, now i do have a couple of alternate versions, and it does make sense to release a single.

i should stress that the single is the vocal cut, which does not make it's way on to any of the album-type configurations.

===

"wait - do you, like, fuck the dead, or something?"

i wasn't the target; i was merely an observer. but, i kind of lived it, too. so, i had to suggest a proper response.

see, i think the absurdity of the response follows from the absurdity of the question, and the proper way to react is to acknowledge the absurdity of the exchange by playing along. my proposal would be to take the topic to it's most absurd logical conclusion by engaging in a logical defense of the absurd accusation, and then annoying that person by bringing it up all of the time. if i saw him walking in the halls, i'd run up to him and loudly tell him that i've got a great argument for necrophilia if he wants to hear it....

now, i wasn't the person being taunted. so, i never got to act on those impulses. nor was the person that was being taunted nearly as indifferent to social conventions as i was. so, my suggestions were never interpreted seriously - despite their sincerity. i think i should acknowledge that i didn't properly understand what this person wanted. see, if it were me, my goal would be to have this person never ever look at me ever again. i would react by providing a set of disincentives to bother me. the more infamous, the more effective. but, i just wanted for them to leave me the fuck alone. this person wanted some kind of "acceptance", so those kinds of belligerent actions were counter-productive in seeking a final resolution.

so, the song is imagining how i would react if i were to be taunted in such a way.

i've created a new single release on my final administrative run through the material, and i want to defend the decision to do so. when i was creating the singles in january, this track didn't have any alternate cuts from the new session - i just had the remaster and a bunch of failed versions. there was no drum machine remix and no original demo. so, it wasn't fit for single treatment.

but, material for this track generated as i explored the different ways to present the record. i recreated the middle section for the record. then, i brought in limited vocals for the on sexual confusion in adolescence mini-epic. so, now i do have a couple of alternate versions, and it does make sense to release a single.

this is not the very first track that i recorded with my new four-track in 1998, but it's the first cut that made the record. something that got lost in the multiple transfers of the file was that the track was built up around a lot of guitar effects and was meant to have a swirling, shoegaze-y kind of feel. i then cut that recording up and inserted a short collage of computer generated sound, followed by a short jam of me playing guitar over a sample of the spiderman theme song - the original one, from 1967. the recorded track then clicks in and concludes itself in some more layered guitar harmonies. i draw attention to this because it is the juxtaposition of folk-y guitars with oppressive, synthesized percussion that forms the basis of interest in this, musically. it's structurally a blues guitar piece, it's just been ported substantially through technology.

originally created in late 1997 and early 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. released on july 4, 2016. finalized on july 5, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

the album version of this track appears on my first record, inri (inri015): 

jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1998, 2013, 2015, 2016).

credits:

j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, vocals, samples, digital wave manipulation, cool edit synthesis, production

released january 9, 1998

finalizing inrisampled (inri003)

that was a nice clean listen. but as far as i can tell, it's just luck. i'm going to let things stabilize in here further before i start bringing in any more gear, as i don't fully understand the fluctuations, yet. i hope my luck lasts indefinitely, but then it wouldn't be luck - something would have changed. i saw the crews coming to put in led lights on the street, and i'd think that should turn the volume down a little, anyways. but, i'm not jumping to conclusions. right now, it's just luck.

i'm going to close inri003.

this is a collection of sound experiments from 1997 that i split off into a self-contained ep in the fall of 2013. the initial idea was for it to comprehensively fill the time gap over the fall of 1997, which meant including some of the drum machine tracks that i was programming at the time, but i quickly split that idea off into a different project, leaving a kind of skeleton of sound art experiments. i then found myself listening to a playlist of those tracks on repeat, as i was trying to figure out how to organize them. the most obvious choice became apparent.

there is actually a thematic continuity across these tracks, as they were all constructed entirely out of samples of existing sound that were layered over top of each other after being looped, time-manipulated, distorted and whatever else. so, the projects split cleanly. as a self-contained unit of sound, this is certainly about as weird a piece of music that you could imagine, which just made it that much more appealing to listen to. as the tracks are all short, they come off more as sections of a longer piece when run directly into each other, despite being nowhere related.

so, the main purpose of this release remains autobiographical, but i'll stand by it as a compelling piece of music, nonetheless.

==

i spent the summer and fall of 1997 programming drum tracks into an ry30, notating them into a tablature program and sequencing them using noteworthy composer. i did not know how i was going to record these tracks. i think i was expecting to use the computer, but that was probably naive; instead, i was gifted a 4-track recording machine. i then spent the next year and a half rearranging and rerecording the songs i programmed over that period. as these tracks were recorded into my pc, they are time stamped...so i have a much clearer understanding of when they were finished.

the jump to incorporating computers into the recording process is something i always wanted to do, it's just that it wasn't really previously feasible. first, there was a learning curve. i was a smart kid, though; the learning curve was just a time concern. the larger problem was simply access to a pc. i did have a pc at my disposal, but it did not have a modem and it was only equipped to run windows 3.1, which basically meant i could run civ 2 and wolfenstein and little else. the windows 95 computer had dial up but it was in a central location for family use.

when we moved across the city, my dad bought a new computer and i happily inherited his old one. this gave me internet access, which allowed me to download some freeware. it also gave me the time i needed to learn how to do certain things.

i'm separating out a handful of my first electronic sound experiments and collecting them together into an ep. what these blasts of noise have in common is that they were constructed on a windows 95 computer out of samples or generated sound and with very primitive software while i was waiting to get some kind of recording equipment. most of it was pasted together meticulously using the windows 95 sound recorder; the rest of it was constructed in cool edit, which i used as a sort of a synthesizer.

for the most part, these weren't really ever meant to be songs. i ended up using them as connectors, introductions, background. "continuity". yet, i find the idea of throwing them together here to be interesting from an autobiographical perspective.

created in mid 1997. sequenced and converted to stereo in november, 2013. released on nov 9, 2013. corrected in september, 2014. finalized on july 5, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).

credits:
j - cool edit (wave synthesis, digital wave editing), windows 95 sound recorder (sampling, digital wave editing), yamaha ry30 drum machine (programming) 

released december 1, 1997

i got a little ahead of myself near the end of yesterday...

as it is, i still have to close inri003 first. i have added a new inri004, the single to fuck the dead. if i can close that and move on to inri005 - skaters - by the end of the night, then i'll be making progress.

03-07-2016: closing inri002 (period 1.1) and seeing the ear doctor for a third time

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

publishing fuck the dead (inri004)

inri004.

===

"wait - do you, like, fuck the dead, or something?"

i wasn't the target; i was merely an observer. but, i kind of lived it, too. so, i had to suggest a proper response.

see, i think the absurdity of the response follows from the absurdity of the question, and the proper way to react is to acknowledge the absurdity of the exchange by playing along. my proposal would be to take the topic to it's most absurd logical conclusion by engaging in a logical defense of the absurd accusation, and then annoying that person by bringing it up all of the time. if i saw him walking in the halls, i'd run up to him and loudly tell him that i've got a great argument for necrophilia if he wants to hear it....

now, i wasn't the person being taunted. so, i never got to act on those impulses. nor was the person that was being taunted nearly as indifferent to social conventions as i was. so, my suggestions were never interpreted seriously - despite their sincerity. i think i should acknowledge that i didn't properly understand what this person wanted. see, if it were me, my goal would be to have this person never ever look at me ever again. i would react by providing a set of disincentives to bother me. the more infamous, the more effective. but, i just wanted for them to leave me the fuck alone. this person wanted some kind of "acceptance", so those kinds of belligerent actions were counter-productive in seeking a final resolution.

so, the song is imagining how i would react if i were to be taunted in such a way.

this is not the very first track that i recorded with my new four-track in 1998, but it's the first cut that made the record. something that got lost in the multiple transfers of the file was that the track was built up around a lot of guitar effects and was meant to have a swirling, shoegaze-y kind of feel. i then cut that recording up and inserted a short collage of computer generated sound, followed by a short jam of me playing guitar over a sample of the spiderman theme song - the original one, from 1967. the recorded track then clicks in and concludes itself in some more layered guitar harmonies. i draw attention to this because it is the juxtaposition of folk-y guitars with oppressive, synthesized percussion that forms the basis of interest in this, musically. it's structurally a blues guitar piece, it's just been ported substantially through technology.

originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. released on july 4, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

this release is compiled on inriℵ0, which also includes all of the deleted versions of the track:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).

credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, vocals, samples, digital wave manipulation, cool edit synthesis, production

released january 9, 1998

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/fuck-the-dead


1) this is one of the tracks that had lyrics that i didn't want to give up entirely, because the obvious absurdity of them takes the track to a different level. it was more that i wanted to clean the vocals up - remove some sections that weren't as well thought out to just let the insolence shimmer. plus, i wanted to get rid of those damned samples. but, i felt the core of the vocal track actually pulled the song along, if presented in the right context. i eventually decided that the right context was to separate out the introductory six track mini-epic and incorporate vocals from the three constituent tracks: i did your mom, fuck the dead and confused. confused would actually be a full vocal take, whereas the vocals for the other two were spliced up strategically. that left me with a standalone vocal single for this track, as well as a few outtakes. i'm taking advantage of that to release this track as a single. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. track dated jan 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3


2) this is the version that i was able to salvage from the source tapes. it does not include the breakdown in the middle, as that was not present in the source tapes. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015. track dated july 5, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-instrumental-edit


3) when i decided to redo the record, i had to reintegrate the breakdown, which was sourced from less reliable materials. this is an unsequenced take of that - a relic of the recording process. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. track dated jan 3, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-instrumental-mix


4) this version is taken directly from the record and consequently includes bleed from the preceding and subsequent tracks. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016. track dated jan 8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-final-album-version


5) deleted 2013 remaster. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. track dated dec 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-2013-remaster-2

6) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from a 112 kbps mp3. originally created in 1998. track dated jan 9, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-1998-archive-2

i've still got some listening to do, but it's very much reduced - i've closed period 1.1, and the transition into 1.2, inri003. that should update in the next few hours.

the next section is going to require some kind of an extra placeholder, because it's very revisionist - i'm going to be inserting instrumental versions in as replacements for tracks that have always had vocals up until this point. so, this is more than just a remix, this is a complete reconstruction. i need to accurately date that reproduction to the early part of this year - recently. yet, i'm going to be sequencing the reconstructions in to the 1998-1999 period, as well - as though they were all that ever was.

i think i should put the placeholder in to the 2013 uplift stage, and mention that the vocal versions are only on the period retrospective aleph-disc - which is not entirely true. many of the tracks are available on singles.

that's actually maybe a more honest way to do the bulk of it. i can timeline the 1998 versions properly where they exist. i'm just mapping them to a different collection, in a lot of the cases. the aleph-only versions are actually going to be rare for the full length tracks. but, the ghost structure has to exist, nonetheless, i think - to reflect what was actually there.

this is going to be a little bit involved, then - meaning i'd like to split the day over it. i'm not sure when i'll close inri003, exactly, but that's the extent of my ambitions for the rest of the night.

finalizing inricycled (inri002)

this was posted to google+ the other day and is how i'm going to close the disc here.

this is inri002; it's what i've been listening to in the other room for the last day or so. what it does is combine bits and pieces of my first two demos, which are largely unlistenable, into something that can actually be enjoyed. i've pointed out that the first demo has a kind of abstract quality to it that has the potential to find an extreme niche audience somewhere between philosophy of the world and trout mask replica. that's great and all, but most people find that kind of thing too challenging.

this is far more digestible - which also means far less cringe-y. there are some short vocal sections, but it's broadly instrumental. the sections are usually short. so, it's a mix tape. all of the snippets were recorded in 1996 or 1997, but the mix was constructed in 2013.

i'm posting this now because i'm enjoying it for what it is. i've come to the conclusion that this is a really seriously worthwhile addition to my discography. when i first mixed it, it was more as a way to save face - i wanted to be able to do something with all these little pieces of sound that were ruined by bad lyrics. it's grown on me as a really positive decision.

it's weird. very weird. that's why i like it so much. but, it's contained and sort of catchy, too. there's an audience for this, for sure. and i'm proud of this now, finally.

==

i've released a dozen different things with the title "inricycled", making it more of a concept than a release. it's not just the material i'm recycling, now, it's the idea of recycling material.

i hope this is the final iteration. the difference, here, is that i'm trying to isolate segments of songs that people interested in my more recent compositions would find interesting. these fragments aren't entirely void of lyrics, but they're very minimal. they're also quite short.

i've retitled most of the tracks to get a feel of what the music sounds like and/or what i was thinking as i was writing it.

the material in this volume is taken from the first two cassette demos, inri000 and inri001.

this is the best possible absolute starting point for my musical material.

written and recorded over 1996 and 1997. digitally remastered, sequenced and mildly modified in the fall of 2013. released dec 11, 2013. finalized as lp000 on july 3, 2016. i consider this my unofficial zeroth record. as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).

credits:

j - guitars, effects, bass, drums, vocals, keyboards, tapes, found sounds, metronomes, digital wave editing, production. 

released july 1, 1997

02-07-2016: closing inri001 and discussing inri002

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

finalizing inri001

yeah. i just got a quick, clean listen of inri001 in on the official setup and it sounds great. i can only hope that this clarity lasts. i'm going to try it through the other gear, but i'm closing it.

this record is very much a continuation of the first demo, but it's also a kind of an appendix to it. if the charm of the first demo is in it's outsider music abstraction, this demo could easily be overlooked. but, it's in truth a more honest representation of the more ordered side of what i was attempting to create. the record also contains cringey moments, but they're not as pronounced and in truth are even largely overshadowed by the increased order in sound. so, despite the charms of the first demo, this is far more predictive regarding the music i would create over the next few years.

near the end of the demo, i become cognizant of the fact that my family is moving and i will lose the recording space - specifically the drums and the recording machine. i kept the guitars, as i was intellectually invested in them previous to the room, and my dad kept the bass. this awareness of an end point brought me to several summary type songs near the end, where i'm attempting to close the idea down prematurely. i always intended for this demo to be the same length as the first one, i just ran out of time. so, the cassette will leave the second side of a 100 minute tape blank.

while i can ultimately not honestly diagnose this demo as any more listenable than the first one, in absolute terms, it is certainly a lot closer to it. again: is this an asset or a drawback? it depends on the perspective. there's something to be said for me finishing my ideas more clearly, even if it means a loss at the level of the surreal - which is actually important in appreciating this, as one cannot actually listen to it.

that's not to say that this demo doesn't get outright weird, as it certainly does. it's just that the weirdness is more composed and less accidental - again, it's a stale academic argument, but it has a real meaning in the contrasted aesthetics.

so, i'd request that you interpret it as a reflection of the first demo rather than try and build a direct comparison with it. i'm pointing this out because i'm bundling them together in chronological time and associating them to one another due to the shared recording environment, but the value of this is more in the contrast than in the comparison.

so, i think it has a path to an audience, if not necessarily an obvious one just right now. it's too good to be intriguingly awful, but not good enough to appeal on it's own merits. so, it has to be understood in chronological context - as a transitional recording.

==

my second demo, recorded over the second half of the tenth grade, is a considerably more polished recording. by this time, i had learned a lot about how to record things and had improved my drumming and keyboard playing. while the vocals remain highly erratic, ranging from precociously insightful to devastatingly stupid, the music here is actually not far from a professional recording.

recorded in spring 1997, remastered in fall 2013. finalized on july 3, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

i consider this an archival release with little direct listening value. i've pointed out repeatedly that i was 16. however, various segments have been isolated and pulled out for a higher listenability value over here:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled-a

this release also includes a printable j-card insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).

credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, drums, keyboards, tapes, vocals, found sounds, metronomes, production\

released june 1, 1997

the interference seems better tonight. figuratively knock on wood. the air is running, so it doesn't seem to be dominant.

i was able to finish the inri000 listening along with a lot of filekeeping related to it, including a j-card insert. i am comprehensively moving on, except to eventually update it with liner notes from the alter-reality (1996), 2013 and right now. that will happen around christmas...

inri002 is up next, and i'm going to try to take advantage of the low interference and go right for the mixer for the night. i could even close it by the next sleep.

j-card insert added to download for inri000.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1

a comment about inri002

i'm going to jump ahead a little bit. but this is a sidenote.

this is inri002; it's what i've been listening to in the other room for the last day or so. what it does is combine bits and pieces of my first two demos, which are largely unlistenable, into something that can actually be enjoyed. i've pointed out that the first demo has a kind of abstract quality to it that has the potential to find an extreme niche audience somewhere between philosophy of the world and trout mask replica. that's great and all, but most people find that kind of thing too challenging.

this is far more digestible - which also means far less cringe-y. there are some short vocal sections, but it's broadly instrumental. the sections are usually short. so, it's a mix tape. all of the snippets were recorded in 1996 or 1997, but the mix was constructed in 2013. and, i believe that i will expand it in the upcoming days into a full 90 minute mix tape. it's currently sequenced for cd.

i'm posting this now because i'm enjoying it for what it is. i've come to the conclusion that this is a really seriously worthwhile addition to my discography. when i first mixed it, it was more as a way to save face - i wanted to be able to do something with all these little pieces of sound that were ruined by bad lyrics. it's grown on me as a really positive decision.

it's weird. very weird. that's why i like it so much. but, it's contained and sort of catchy, too. there's an audience for this, for sure. and i'm proud of this now, finally.

ok, so what happened was that i spent thursday night looking for something, and then i figured i couldn't find it - so i said i'd do some listening on friday. but, then i found what i was looking for on friday and hence did not do any listening. but, i've put the vlogs on hold, i've done the prep that was required and i'm ready to get to some serious listening for most of the next week.

while i was doing prep, i spent a lot of time listening to inri002 and have developed some further ideas about how to distribute it. so, i'm going to be abstractly packaging some cassettes - but i don't have a cassette deck, so i can't actually make them. instead, i'll put the packaging in the download.

in fact, i think that i'm going to do that across the board. it may act as an incentive for digital purchase, and that might help me with eventual physical distribution. i'll have to be forthright: you don't get a number with a download.

that's yet another added level of complexity to the process, which is just more information overload. but, i'll eventually finish the packaging.

i haven't done headphone listening of either inri002 or inri003 yet, but they are definitely closed, audio-wise. i'm just waiting to get the proper time stamp.

the second half of yesterday was messy. i actually don't think i was planning on getting anything done, anyways. but, i *do* plan to get some listening in today.

i've been to a doctor a few times this week about the degenerative disease it seems like i have. that's something i'm going to be doing over the next year or two, as i seek to figure out what the fuck this is.

i need to be clear: i don't have a clue what it is. not the slightest. it's a lot of the same symptoms you get after a stroke, or get when you have ms, or get when you have als, or get when you have cancer, even...

these are symptoms that have been bothering me for around ten years, now. in some ways, they are getting worse. yet, they kind of come and go, too. i just always lived with it. facial tics are annoying, but not worth the time to see a doctor. i can deal with a sore back every now and again. & etc. but, the dysphagia has been really scary at points over the last couple of years. this isn't new, either, though - i remember it being awful for short periods as far back as ten years ago. what's new is that it hasn't receded now in quite a while.

the first thing i wanted to do was quit smoking habitually. done. since january. i wanted to make sure i wasn't just dehydrated, too, and i think i've ruled that out. the next thing that i wanted to do was rule out an ear infection, as a lot of the symptoms seem to be centered on my left ear. what's the point in getting mris and talking to neurologists for the next ten months if i just have an ear infection, right? so, i did that this week. i will get results on monday and am not certain what they will be. the doctor eliminated an actual infection as a cause, but the admin seemed to note something unusual around my ear drum when she was doing aural testing.

i don't think i had a stroke, although i've had periodic fainting spells for years (none recently). i got rid of them by not smoking on an empty stomach, although i think some of it was also heat stroke. i also think that this has been going on for too long for it to be cancer. the simple truth is that nobody has untreated cancer for ten years without the symptoms getting overwhelming. yes: the dysphagia is bad right now. but, it always previously came and went. if i had a cancer in my ear ten years ago, i'd almost certainly be dead by now.

so, i've kind of long deduced something like ms (or als, or...) by default. what else could it be?

well, something i've overlooked this whole time is lyme disease. i was just reading up on it. the symptoms are pretty accurate - especially the facial tic. i don't explicitly remember the rash, but would i have been able to tell it from a mosquito bite? i've had lots of mosquito bites over the last ten years, and some period of being "eaten alive". the absence of a rash is not absolute, either. you'd think that untreated lyme disease for a decade or more would be pretty serious by now, but that's at least a way out from ms or als.

the only other way out that i can think of is that my jaw keeps healing wrong and then fracturing and then healing wrong again, and it's basically just fucked that side of my face up so badly that everything has stopped working right. essentially, then, my face would be fucked. i know you appreciate my technical definition and in depth knowledge. but, i think there is something to this.

i wanted to do this one thing at a time to keep the issue straight in my head and i don't want to see a neurologist until everything else is ruled out. let's say i have ms, in the end. it's untreatable. i lose nothing by waiting for the diagnosis. i gain everything by avoiding a misdiagnosis.

so, i will go in on monday after i get my hearing test results and set referral appointments to check both for lyme disease and for skeletal issues. i'm also going to see if i can get my tongue checked for cancer, just in case.

it's only once i go through that process that i will consent to see a neurologist to check for a degenerative disease.

right now, i'm honestly kind of leaning towards lyme disease. - and i'm irritated with myself for not thinking of it sooner.

i got some listening in this morning as i was doing grocery shopping, although i kind of crashed when i got back. i also had to do some mundane tasks like wash strawberries, budgeting, etc...

the listen was over inri001 and inri002, and while they were both only half-engaged listens (while doing things like analyzing tomatoes), i can at least say i expect to close them both fairly quick, presuming the gear co-operates.

i think i'm going to wait for more careful listens before i do any final thoughts analyses.

29-06-2016: going for a hearing test and coming home to a noisy room

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

so, i did finally get through almost the whole record, but it was punctuated by about a dozen stops to adjust the foil. the cause and effect was overwhelming - it shorted out whenever the cage broke and it was solid for long periods whenever the cage was in tact.

the way i understand this is that that more or less clarifies that the issue is in fact an external field, and not bad wiring. any remaining doubts on this point are now gone.

what it is that i'm going to do about it is a lot less clear.

the a/c is running upstairs at full blast. i may have grounds for a noise complaint to get it turned off. but i don't have strong evidence that there's any real relationship between the two things and am not going to go down that path until i do. the noise itself doesn't actually bother me...

i have some shopping to do early in the morning, and i'm going to want to listen to the last third of the record before i go on, but i have every reason to expect to move on to inri001 at some point tomorrow.

the idea that i can maintain a full aluminum foil faraday cage over this wire is purely utopian - and every time a hole opens up, i'm exposing the wire to possible interference, when the interference is heavy. so, this isn't really sustainable. it never really was. it was always merely workable.

i'd obviously like to just use some shielded cables, but replacements for these phones are out of my price range. absurdly so, even.

nonetheless, i have done enough listening to conclude that the primary issue is in fact environmental, which i already knew. when i can cover the line, the short clears and the signal is clear. it's just that it doesn't last long...

so, what can i do? for now, i need to mix when the field is weaker. mornings. weekdays. that's what i did to get through the last batch of stuff, before i quit smoking.

in the long run?

well, there are these little rings you can put on the wires but the physics suggests to me that it's going to deaden the signal. somebody will tell me this is obvious. but, the only thing that's obvious to me is that i don't want this.

something else i can try is to block entry and exit points with some rmf shielding. they make tape, window tints, curtains....

i think the aluminum is going to remain my dominant solution for the foreseeable future, though. i'm just going to have to be patient about replacing it.

season 8

27-06-2016: confirming the interference still exists, and shielding my brain with tinfoil

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

today was actually a long day, and while i haven't moved on to inri001, i've at least set myself up for it.

i was able to confirm that the phones are still picking up a charge, and that the charge can be easily drained from the cable. the totality of evidence suggests i'm dealing with an environmental magnetic field, but i still have the possibility of bad wiring (no ground) as a cause.

i want to see if it's the field, first. i only had half of the cord covered with foil. i spent several hours this afternoon lining the entire cord over....

while i haven't listened to it with full coverage yet, it is ready to go when i wake up.

the other things that happened today were that i spent a lot of time eating as a consequence of the schedule doubling over, and that i did a lot of editing on the vlogs. the google+ page is just about wiped, so my reacts should be back to normal, pretty much, now.

i'm falling asleep...

26-06-2016: enough listening to close inri000, but slowed down by further annoyances

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

so, i've tried a few times to get a good listen in and there's been a number of complicating factors. i decompressed from flac to wav and it helped - i think maybe because i caught the machine in an upsample to 32 bits. i do still think that might be a factor. it's apparently hard to get windows to not upsample, but that's why i've stripped everything down to asio for now. i'm still getting some kind of interference on the old phones, but i wasn't getting it on the new ones so i'm not convinced that it's local. rather, it's the same apparent broad field issue that these phones seem to have big problems with, sometimes.

the a/c will be on strong for a while; i managed to get the heat in here up past thirty due to the nice humidity outside. finally.....so, i have a strong control, anyways.

as for what i have heard, it's kind of a mix of what i might expect from the equipment and what i might expect from the interference. these phones are absolutely flat and consequently absolutely honest. what that means is that it's a lot less forgiving, and i'm getting a more accurate signal - which means less bass and harsher highs. it's a reminder that newer equipment is newer and people aren't necessarily going to hear these pieces the way that i'm intending - but that mileage varies, and sometimes there are accidental improvements, even if that's hard to even define because it's actually all relative.

it's probably obvious that i need to listen a bit more to disentangle it and get a cleaner understanding of what i'm hearing. so, i'm going to try listening to the old phones through the laptop, and the new phones through the mixer. once again, this is just to isolate - the first two demos simply cannot be further altered. the audio is otherwise closed.

as mentioned, i will need to wait until the alter-reality catches up before i can permanently close the record. for this demo, that will happen at christmas.

but, i've now posted all the posts that i need to post, so i'll be moving on from inri000 when i feel i'm ready to - either tonight or tomorrow.

finalizing inri000

these are the first demos i recorded, written 1994-1996 and recorded in the second half of 1996. this corresponds to the end of my 15th year and the beginning of my grade 10 school year. on the one hand, it's an intriguing document of a socially maladjusted teenage punk. on the other hand, it's a 15 year-old kid learning how to use a recording studio (and how to play the drums). influences are displayed on my sleeve just a little too loudly at times.

i was attempting to create something that could be described by the words disturbing, schizophrenic, unique, bizarre, twisted. looking back, i think i succeeded more than i realized at the time. this is a difficult listen that would be appealing to fans of the obscurantist reaches of 80s punk and 90s grunge. i manage to maintain a strange sense of melody, though. in truth, my current adult self is somewhat impressed with my teenaged self at this current point.

that being said, it should not be forgotten that i was fifteen. i am at times rather crude, and i display a childlike understanding of certain issues. most poetry written at the age of fifteen is not particularly insightful. again, though, i surprise myself at points.

this is the first time i'm publishing these demos in any form. i've remained frighteningly self-conscious of them over the years. over the last seventeen years, the audience has been extremely limited. initial reactions suggested i take some time to perfect my performance skills, particularly my drumming skills. however, this indicated a lack of understanding of my intent in the overall sound. the playing is quite purposefully abstract with the aim of exploring mental illness.

the demos were initially dub-mastered onto a 110 minute tape that would have flipped after the eighth track. that tape was at some point recorded into a soundblaster and compressed very heavily; this is the only source of the material that i still have. so, i had to decompress the files from those 128 (or worse) kbps mp3s and run them through some digital mastering equipment in an attempt to "undo" the compression. what that is is a half-effective trick to recover data that is in actuality forever lost. nonetheless, i should point out that while these files were recorded entirely in 1996, they were substantially digitally modified in late 2013. finalized on june 26, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

i consider this an archival release with little direct listening value. i've pointed out repeatedly that i was 15. however, various segments have been isolated and pulled out for a higher listenability value over here:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled-a

this release also includes a printable j-card insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996, 2013, 2016).

credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drums, vocals, keyboards, tapes, found sounds, percussion, production.

released december 25, 1996

of course, as soon as i claim i'm awake, i get sleepy.

i'm truly caught up and will be back to work tomorrow.

new post at the alter-reality

june 25, 1996 

the quake soundtrack is really, really, really awesome

i almost forgot about this thing. remember: i can't be on the internet too often, because it's only available on the computer in the shared room. but, school's out....not forever....so, i don't really have a schedule for the next few months.

my marks were pretty good. As in the important courses, Bs in the unimportant ones. i'm excited about not having to take phys ed anymore next year - it always drives my average down, every year. i get As in english and math and science and then this big, stupid ugly B in phys ed that takes me down a grade point. it's really unfair. who cares about phys ed? why should it kill my average like this? the other class i always get Bs in is french. i'd like to squirm out of it, but i know my dad won't let me. they say it's important to speak french in ottawa, but the truth is that i've never met anybody that speaks french here, ever. supposedly, you need to speak french to get a job in the government. well, that's easy: i won't work for the government, then. they made the rules, not me. i just find it really irrational to have to speak two languages and so i can't study for it because it's just a stupid idea. i'd rather be doing anything else at all. why can't we all just speak one language? i don't even care if it's english. i'd be happy to learn chinese starting tomorrow if it meant i only had to deal with one language. i'd even be happy to learn french tomorrow if i could forget about english altogether. what drives me crazy about learning multiple languages is the redundancy. it's inefficient. illogical. irrational...

i don't know what i'm going to do this summer. i usually spend the summer entirely by myself; i've never had any friends. i went to elementary school on an army base but i didn't live on the army base so there was never anybody around that i went to school with. so, i would just stay inside. last summer, i played a lot of guitar and read a lot of books. my stepmother wants me to get a job, but that sounds like a waste of time. what would i spend the money on? i'd rather not have money and have time than have money and not have time. i don't really understand why she's so insistent. dad says i'm still too young to work and i shouldn't worry about it, but he wants me to go get a social insurance number anyways, just in case. she gets really mad when he says that, and says i'll have to do chores, then, instead. she seems to honestly think that i have a responsibility to pay rent through manual labour in order to stay here. she calls it "room and board".

i hope that what happened last year doesn't happen again. i was having a nice summer until my step-mother took her yearly holidays and forced me to spend the day outside pulling weeds. she insisted i didn't tell my father. so, i was working six hours a day in the hot sun for a whole week. i assumed my allowance would go up as a result as i was doing more than my expected weekly chores, but when i inquired she told me that i was just paying the rent. this made perfect sense to her. it did not make any sense to me at all - so, i refused to pull weeds any longer unless she promised to pay up and she locked me out of the house. she said i was getting evicted. when my dad got home, i explained what had happened and a huge fight erupted. he told me that i was right and she was wrong and took me to the music store and let me pick out $100 worth of cassettes. he wanted me to understand that my labour was worth something and i should never work for free. he said she has a "chemical imbalance" and goes crazy sometimes and it's something we'll both have to live with forever. he said she understands that what she did was wrong. but, they fought about it for a long time afterwards. i don't know if i agree that she thought what she did was wrong.

i think at least a part of the summer is going to be spent in the basement building a sound proof room. dad used to play the drums when he was younger, and he wants a place where he can go back to playing them. my stepmother won't let him get a drum kit because it's too loud. so, he wants to get sound paneling and insulation for an isolated room in the basement. he says he'll need me to help him - and that i should bring some friends over to start a band once we're done. he'll even put a bass in there, too.

i listened to the new soundgarden record a lot this month and really like it, but it's been replaced in my walkman by the new nine inch nails record. my computer is too slow to run quake; i don't have enough ram for it. it can run wolfenstein, but i haven't played wolfenstein in a few years. i only play civ 2, now. but, my step uncle is a really big id games fan and he let me dub a copy of it. he thought the soundtrack was effective in the game, but that it was really funny that anybody might listen to it as music. he says he'd rather listen to the who.

i don't think it's as good as fixed, which is my favourite record of all time. it's different. it's kind of scary, almost. but, i've been listening to it nonstop since sunday and i just can't get out of it.

it's getting late, so i should pretend that i'm going to bed. i'm too old to have a bed time, but i know that people have to get up in the morning so i adjust to it in keeping quiet past a certain time. i can't say when my next update will be. maybe the room will be done?

http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/06/the-quake-soundtrack-is-really-really.html

this day was one of loose ends and it took longer than i wanted it to, but i'm completely caught up now and awake and alert enough to keep it going.

i seem to be being carefully tugged back to google+ through redirects, the implication being to chill out and just leave my rants here.

the whole point of this is a reaction to separating google+ from youtube, which i'm still pissed off about. what i want is reintegration.

as it is, i don't want to rant over a social media network. if i was going to do that, i wouldn't use google+. nobody uses google+. i'd use facebook. you know - a social network that people actually read.

the whole point of this is that i need to convert my comments into videos for two reasons:

1) there is no longer any feed for youtube comments (that was the sole purpose of google+ - a feed for youtube).
2) youtube comments are now too volatile to be useful.

if your solution is "use google plus", that's basically equivalent to telling me to talk to the wall. i want to use youtube, for the precise reason that it is not a social network, meaning there are not privacy settings.

i'm trying to create a character for public consumption to sell music, not talk over the internet with friends in a way that the government can archive.

i don't see google+ as comparable to facebook, or in any way in competition to it. a better way to compute the way i'd interpret google+ is as comparable to disqus - it was a way that people can find the comments i've left in various spaces, and interact with the author of those comments.

that's actually a decent solution that will let the google+ douchebags maintain their snowflake status, while opening up youtube: just integrate with disqus. that's really what i'm looking for. not a social front end, exactly, just a home base.

i mean, don't misunderstand me too deeply. i've been transparent for years and years: this is marketing. that's my goal. i'm marketing my music, first and foremost. does that mean i'm being disingenuous? well, not at all. but, if you're actually listening to what i'm saying, you might guess that i'm a little bit less than optimistic about the possibilities for serious revolutionary change in my lifetime.

if there's any ambiguity, let me be clear: north america has precisely zero revolutionary potential. none. nada. zilch. and, i've stated this a few times, already: being an anarchist is a fucking lonely reality in a staunchly neo-liberal society. the social revolution comes first, sure, but we're not even at the point where we can talk about a social revolution. we're at the point where we have to teach people how to spell revolution, and then carefully explain what that means.

when we have social movements here - and elsewhere in the world - the way those social movements manifest themselves is as sitting in the public square and loudly chanting for government to solve our problems. we don't have a clue. and, it's not some accident, either. we're absolutely reliant on the state. even those who want to push back think that what revolution means is "force the government to fix things that are broken".

nobody is talking about seizing means of production or redistributing surplus value. the narrative is just foreign, and when you try and have the discussion all you get is confused stares. what people want is equal opportunity to compete over a free market, and welfare for those that fall through the cracks. go talk to them. have you? because i have. there's no imagination, no forward thinking. you'll walk away thinking that it really is the end of  history.

even the ones that call themselves "anarchists" sound like calvinist fundamentalists when you push them on it. the kids drawing circled as think anarchism means social darwinism and the abolition of redistributive mechanisms, rather than the abolition of private property. they get their concept of anarchism out of the dictionary; they think council democracy is statist.

so, sure: i'd like to be a threat to the status quo. i'd love it. i can't do it by myself. and, i'm aware that there's not even the most basic beginnings of a social revolution anywhere at all. i don't know if there ever was, but i don't think we're anywhere close to it.

i think the best hope the left has is for mechanization to take over and force us into communes by necessity. i'm basically waiting for this. i give it thirty years, max. but i'll probably be dead by then.

so, what i have left to care about while i'm waiting for the economic determinism to determine itself is art. that's it.

if you think i'm some kind of threat to the status quo, you should pull your head out of your ass.

and, i'm just not keen on banging my head against the wall until i die of brain damage. fuck that. give me a guitar.

so, you know - take me seriously in the sense of believing that i believe what i'm saying. i do. usually. it's hard to tell when i'm trolling sometimes, sure, but not that hard. but, realize that i know my ideas have no possibility of traction.

maybe i'm ahead of my time. maybe i'm just fucked. who knows....

well, i didn't turn the machine back on like i promised. instead, i spent the day narrating some old vlogs. i planned to hit a concert after an appointment on the 23rd, so it seemed silly to turn it back on - and that's partly why i decided to narrate on the 22nd. but, i crashed early instead. yesterday was just lost....partly due to brexit, although i kept my mouth shut.

but, i'm caught up with the vlogs, now. i don't see any serious bottlenecks for the near future, either. so, i've got a little bit more shit to do this morning but feel i can close the first demo by the end of the day, for sure.

a strange inversion around a small joy formidable show in ferndale

so, i got out of the house a little late - it wasn't initially a cause for strict concern, and there was a bus waiting for me at the stop. score. but, i was a little surprised by how full it was. in the fifty or so times i've taken the bus over to detroit, this was the first time i had to stand. the bus was just packed with young females, and i kind of wondered where they were going but was really more concerned about what effect this would have on customs...

had i been allowed to just walk through, it would have been nothing. but, this request was denied (itself unusual), which had me stand on the bus for an extra twenty minutes. i was literally getting off at the first stop, meaning they had me sit there on the bus for twenty minutes to take the bus about 100 yards. it's just another example of the absolute absurdity they have people go through at the borders for reasons of political bullshit. one day, we'll get together and abolish this border altogether. we'll send the cops home without pay. there will be parties in the streets. until that day comes...

the end result was that i missed the bus, and nearly missed the bus after that. it was about a half hour delay, altogether - and absolutely needlessly.

--

i then got stuck in traffic in detroit, also for the first time. how is that possible? well, i suppose it was an earlier show than i'm used to. there's also continuing construction in detroit, which had me take some weird detours i hadn't taken before.

i ended up at the bus station around 8:00, which was doors. i was intending to be there closer to 7:00, to get to the venue for doors - because i wasn't sure what kind of crowd this band could generate in a city like detroit. i knew it was a smaller venue than i might expect. was that a good guess on turnout or a poor booking choice?

--

the opening band started playing as soon as i walked in. i'm not going to say a lot about them, other than that they didn't impress me at all. which is not to say they were terrible, just painfully generic. kind of like an uninspired cure. or the smiths. which is basically the same thing.

(in the background, shots can be heard)

there was an unusually short wait between sets. or, at least it felt that way. i'd guess they were on around 9:15. i got out of the venue a little after 11:00 - so we got a nice long set. i have to admit i was expecting that, but it's also not at all like the kind show i'd usual go to so it was a nice change.

the set was a mix of the expected and the unexpected. some of the tracks were identical to the versions on the record (and included things like sampled strings, which is forgivable - one would hardly expect them to bring an orchestra, if the strings were ever even live in the first place, and why would they be nowadays?), whereas others had rather substantial rearrangements including instrumentation and tempo shifts. the lead singer at one point remarked that if they were going to play the record as it was, you'd might as well stay home and listen to it in your room. i'm not sure i agree that i'd might as well have stayed home, but i appreciate the switch-up nonetheless.

they even came down into the floor of the audience for a short, totally unplugged (no mics) acoustic set. this only worked because the venue was so small, and the crowd was so sparse. i certainly didn't have any trouble getting in; i've learned that detroit is very american-centric across the board, so it wasn't a surprise that the crowd for a welsh band was underwhelming. the scale, however, hit me off guard. in truth, they could have played a much smaller room.

...except they couldn't have, because we would have all walked out with bleeding ears. this was about as small a space as a band like this can play without compromising the dynamics. you might think the smaller room, the better but you'd be wrong. i saw loma prieta in a closet once, and it was the perfect space because the sound caved in on itself. this band isn't like that; it needs a little air. the volume wants closer walls, yes, but the ambience wants you to open the room.

as this band is from wales, this tour may be the only chance you get to see them in an actual venue. i don't doubt they'll come back, but they tend to play open-air festivals. there's reasons for this that are very tactical, and i'm sure it's a fun experience. but, i'd argue that the ideal is seeing them in a closed room for the reasons i've mentioned.

i do, however, have to critique the setlist a little. they seemed overly focused on album tracks. they even played a b-side (which is the track i caught, here). that meant that they dropped a lot of the harder hitting, single-type tracks that seemed like they were written to play live. i'm not sure what they were thinking there. it could have been venue specific. but, i'm not sure that logic really holds. if you write a song to play live, that song is going to be even more powerful in a small space than it is in a big space.

that's a minor criticism, though. like i say - you should get out to see them while you can because i think there's a pretty high chance that they'll never do anything like this ever again.

here is a full set:

i explain in the day's vlog that the commotion in downtown detroit was a beyonce concert:

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/06/14.html

skipped shows

i intended to catch this at mocad last night, but my schedule didn't co-operate and i ended up falling asleep instead.

i must also admit that i didn't want to take the bus with the fucking guns 'n' roses fans.

actually, i should point out that i skipped the screaming females on tuesday as well, but it was very conscious - i know they only play half hour sets, and they're touring right now with three other bands, all of which are terrible. so, i'd have to go all the way to ferndale, suffer through three shitty sets and then get rewarded by having to spend the night in the dunkin' donuts, because i'd have missed the bus.

i will (and have) get stuck overnight if it's worth it. the show didn't strike me as worth it.

i would like to publicly request that the band drop the facade that they're still some unknown punk band from jersey or something and just do a real tour already. nobody's going to get bored if you do an hour set. promise.

i've been awake, but i haven't been awake. i am now. i'll be turning the machine back on within minutes....

i ended up crashing before i got any listening done, but i at least got a good amount of sleep. i sleep much better when it's warm and humid. but, i woke up to a frequent frustrating reality: it was cold in here. again...

i've had the heat turned up to 28 now for a few hours, with the windows closed to keep the heat in. this is a terrible solution, though, because it makes it so dry in here.

there was a positive signal tonight, though: flickering lights. that indicates that the circuit might be on the brink. if i can get the line to blow, the day or two it takes to fix it might be enough for me to win this fight for the whole summer.

it's not that i need it at 28. i'd be happy with it at 25, if the machine wasn't sucking all the humidity out of the air. 25 and mildly humid is roughly equivalent to 28 and dangerously dry. so, if i can get the air off for a few days and rebuild the humidity in here, that could be enough to have the heat off until september, anyways. it's just that we never got a chance this year because the turnover was so immediate.

it's just a few more hours before i can get the windows wide open and hopefully get the humidity back up. right now, i need to get something to eat. i'll be doing finally listening on demo #1 this afternoon, once i'm fed.

well, i think i found a bed bug

i'm not an entomologist, but it looks like one to me.

i have it in a ziploc bag in the freezer.

a few things.

1) i have no physical signs of bites, and no reason to think the bugs have been downstairs for a long period.
2) i have no proposed source.
3) so, they would have to have migrated from upstairs to downstairs - and i think the totality of evidence makes that obvious.

there's a non-trivial possibility that it's some other kind of bug. again: i'm no entomologist. but, it does certainly look like one to me.

i have no requests for action in the basement. again: i have not been bit. but, if you required evidence for action upstairs then i may have it for you.

(pause)

the only other thing i can think of is that it might be booklice.

fwiw, i found it walking on the hallway floor - nowhere near the bed.

anyways - i don't have bites. i can't complain if i don't have bites! but if you need evidence for upstairs, i may have some.

or, if the problem from upstairs has become more obvious over the last little while, it may be spreading.

(pause)

on second thought, i saw a second bug this morning and i think it's not a bed bug but a roach nymph. i'll hang on to the body for a few days.

that would be more consistent with what i've noticed down here.

i've checked my body carefully - still no signs of bites.

j

20/21-06-2016: thoughts on inri000, and other things (markets, keystone)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

yeah, i gave it a really good listen and it seemed to settle down and then break up again - but i'm not certain it's interference, as it could be the sound isolation. when i remastered this, i put it through a lot of reverb to compensate for the mp3 compression (that's what mp3s destroy. sort of. i claim that functional lossless audio over convolution reverb is possible, but probably not useful). when it gets messy, it seems to be too much reverb. but, i mastered with my trusty 440-IIs.

the truth is that the degradation i'm hearing is what i expect to hear. i'm just a little weirded out by what seems like a lack of consistency.

i'm going for round two of my daily meal. i needed a boost in calories; the way it's working out is that i make myself these pasta dishes and need two tries to finish it. so, i'm eating twice daily instead of once daily. i think that's a good thing, actually.

i'll turn the pc on when i get back, and probably get a good listen through the mixer and the 440-IIs before i crash. but, i actually remastered this over the m-audio card (which is currently not installed). we'll have to see how it sounds.

i do expect that the phones are the dominant factor and it should be fine once i get enough volume through a flat signal.

these phones really need a strong signal to open up the sound. i think that is the biggest issue with them. even with the laptop at full output, it still sounds distant - although it's a little clearer through the laptop, with a loss of saturation on the bass (which may actually be because the source is flac rather than mp3 - the compression may be beneficial).

i haven't turned the pc on yet. i'd normally have an amplifier in the signal chain, but, for now, the mixer will have to do.

and, the mixer has ponies. i do not doubt this. i'll have to see how obvious it is. but, that is what i'm doing, right now.

19-06-2016: information overload

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

i just got through the first listen: mp3 player & new sennheisers.

there's some parts of this record/demo that i just can't stomach, but i know that they're actually some of the most powerful parts. in hindsight, i can see that this demo exists in a really rare space. if it finds the right audience, it could end up deeply seminal; even as it foreshadows a strain of emo that i never found myself interested in, it takes it to a level that never really existed. it's more like some kind of zappaesque take on early swans - really brutal in a way, but kind of a joke at the same time. i kind of feel like i accidentally invented hipster culture, out of no intent at all.

in fact, i was just a kid, and i was doing what kids do: i was emulating what i heard. my favourite bands. kids at school. even my parents. there are moments of utter originality, in fact total idiosyncrasy - you can hear it's me, if you know my work. but, there are also moments of total copyright infringement.

a part of me would love to put this up as a cassette for sale, but i just don't think it would be legal. downloads still have magic to me. they're still not quite real. i bet younger people don't see it that way, but that separation is the only thing i have to justify selling it at all.

i may crack one day. but, how does it sound?

the device isn't sending the signal out at a high enough volume for the phones, but that's something i'm already aware of. i need a pair of lower impedance phones for the device. it also sounds a little compressed - but it is a little compressed (320 kbps mp3). the bass sounds excellent, but these are also bass heavy phones. which is to say that it sounds how i would and should have expected it to sound through that setup.

i didn't fall asleep, but it was only because i was hungry. i'm going to finish my leftovers and then get some rest. i'm yawning. it should be some real sleep.

i'm going to want to try it uncompressed through the laptop when i wake up. i need to be clear: the demos cannot and will not be altered. these are finalized. the source is what it is. i'm more setting a base line and getting my ears retrained.

so, i won't be able to permanently close anything until the twenty-year anniversary of it. which, i actually kind of like.

so, if i date my first record to june, 1998 then i can permanently close it in june, 2018.

that means this demo won't permanently close until christmas. but, that i can musically finalize it today or tomorrow.

new algorithms are always tricky at first, but they clarify themselves. right now, i just need to it and listen for an hour or two.

i've kind of lost track of time. i wanted to get some listening done last night, but i napped a few times; now, i feel like i should be tired, but i'm not. i thought my mp3 player was charged, but it isn't - or maybe it was, but it lost charge to the air. it's charging.

i can't shake the feeling that i'm going to fall asleep as soon as i put the phones on, but it's what i need to be doing next. in the meantime, vlogs are uploading.

the information overload is still dramatic. i want to push through and close all these releases, but i can't find the way to do it that makes the most sense. i'm going to have to turn my pc back on tonight, once the temperature comes down a little outside and i can turn the heat off because the air conditioner upstairs turns down. then, the pc will start to throw off heat on it's own. i'm stuck in a strange reality where the hotter it is outside, the higher i have to turn up the heat to fight the a/c. i don't know what he did up there over the winter, but it's pulling air out of here a lot more violently than last year. did he remove a part of the floor? put in a heat pump? i can hear something churning up there, but i don't know exactly what it is. whatever he did wasn't thought through well. to begin with, it was done in absolute contempt for my own desires - he's obviously trying to alter the temperature down here. there was no consultation. the reality is that i have the legal right to demand that he turn the air down, but i'd rather do this by hitting his pocket book. in the end, he's going to have to pay for it through a ridiculous hydro bill. i'm still hoping to ultimately outlast him and nailing him on the hydro actually might drive him out. i mean, if i force him to turn the air down, he's still up there until he keels over; if i fuck him over on the utility bill, he may have to move out before then. i think it's the only real way to resolve this.

but, with the writing, i kind of feel like i'm reaching for a switch in the dark sort of thing. for example: this post, here, on this page, will eventually find itself into the liner notes for inri000. and, you know what? in typing that statement, i think i've finally convinced myself that i have no choice but to wait until i close the period. even ignoring the alter-reality, this can't make sense, otherwise.

my work flow needs to be something like this:

1) republish all the music in the releases from 1996-2000.
2) reorganize all the source files & rebuild the aleph-disc.
3) then reconstruct all the liner notes from the aleph-disc, and put them into the source disk.

the mp3 player is charged. here i go....

so, here's a strange twist.

i walked down this path that's kept me a year behind because i wanted to finish the aleph-0 disc. now, because i'm narrating the alter-reality, i can't actually finish it.

i've made the decision to wait and ship the aleph discs along with the alter-reality. that means that aleph-0 will not be available until 2020, aleph-1 until 2021, & etc.

i'm going to build the discs in the mean time, and i may even end up changing my mind. but, i don't like the idea of constantly adding data to the disc if it's for sale. i want to close it before i offer it.

who buys physical media nowadays, anyways, right? it's more of an archival thing.

so, for now, there will not be aleph discs for sale for the near future.

well....actually, i'll have mp3 and flac discs. i just won't have period discs. those will be staggered.

yeah. ok.

so, i got the first demo reposted to facebook. now, i'm going to need to

1) get all of the data mirrored in the word document.
2) listen to it on every device i have at least once to make sure it's final (the cassette demos are basically inalterable, but still...)

once that's done, i can close the demo.

this may be overkill for the first two demos, as there's essentially no chance i'm going to alter them. however, i want to get the process of rebuilding my machine back in order, which means turning it on.

i had so much order up until about a year ago when everything fell apart. i can rebuild this. it's just going to take me some time.

information overload....

what i'm feeling right now is just total information overload, so i just need to take a step back and work through everything slowly.

task one needs to be to republish period 1 over bandcamp, and then rebuild the aleph-0 disc once it's done.

18-06-2016: beginning the process of reconstruction (but vlog does not reflect...)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

introductory "migrating to blog spot" post

this is the new music journal, and we'll be starting from here forwards - this page will not repeat the past. old journal posts will be available on the aleph discs as they come up, and in the alter-reality, albeit very slowly. for the short run, i'll be posting all other rants here, too, but i'm sure i'll find another space for things in time. i just don't want to set up a space for rants right now because i don't really want to be ranting.

this page has an rss feed. i don't know what kind of feed aggregators exist at this point in time, but i think that this has to be the future of notification software. i know that i'm going to be hurting myself by getting off of social media, but i think you should look at me as leading the way, here. i just can't deal with facebook anymore; it's a horrific platform. as users, we should be looking to diversify the platforms we use, and we should be looking for tools that make it easier to diversify the platforms.

that said, let us begin this journal with a listing of ways that you can continue to follow me through different platforms.

1) the alter-reality.

over the next few months, i will be beginning to post heavily to the alter-reality. it is twenty years ago, today, in the alter-reality. this means i am twenty years younger than i am today. the idea is that i'll be blogging my life, as i remember it, from the perspective of twenty years previous. right now, that makes me 15 years old in the alter-reality. the reason i'm doing this is that i have a lot of music to re-release, and there's a certain logic in watching it unfold in real time. so, the first demos from the alter-reality will begin to be published in september, 1996.

the alter-reality will be narrated primarily through it's own blog:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/

these demos will be hosted on their own bandcamp sites, which will shift along with my pseudonyms. the first pseudonym will be 'inri', and the first bandcamp archive will be here:
https://jnrj.bandcamp.com/

the alter-reality will also have a youtube site & associated google+ page for comments:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXlH5Ds5mqClkdAUFJwQCNQ

remember: it's always twenty years previous to today in the alter-reality. so, all youtube comments will reflect this.

i will also need a facebook page, whether i like it or not:
https://www.facebook.com/inri-1719120681676528/

all remaining facebook communication will be sporadic, and i hope to be able to phase it out altogether in time.

2) current reality

my main focus right now remains on finishing my discography, and i will be getting back to an active phase of this almost immediately.

my main bandcamp archive remains in the same place it's always been, which is here:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/

the page is currently stripped down, but will be rebuilt and republished over the next few weeks.

this journal is replacing my facebook music page because it just became impossible to use. however, i will continue to use that page as a timeline and post completed works to it. you could consider it an announce list.
https://www.facebook.com/jessicaambermurray

my personal facebook page is being used as a sort of a social cv.
i do not accept friend requests, but you can follow me.
https://www.facebook.com/dfhdhfghjgjkgjkka

soundcloud has a very limited use to me because it is a paid site. you're supposed to pay me, guys. they've got this all backwards. but, i do use it to hold rough demos.
https://soundcloud.com/deathtokoalas

my vlogging will continue here, including vlogs about music production:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCinQSeEtF0vSN1XVhQGfwKA

you could also follow me on google+ for posts about the vlogs, mostly:
https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/108929126523080872678/108929126523080872678

3)  review sites

this is my main site, but it is currently in very bad shape and will no doubt remain that way until i get done the discography:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/

i will eventually shift into music reviews, and i have a profile set up for that eventuality:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0re8yuNEZyCde7CQpK0QNw

4) dead sites

don't tell the koala central command where to find me!
https://www.youtube.com/user/deathtokoalas

this is the only twitter site i've ever created, and i've never made any use of it.
all other twitter sites are run by imposters - they are not me.
and, frankly, that shouldn't be hard to guess, either.
https://twitter.com/dgkfgjklgjkgjka

the rebuild begins today.

07. beginning the summer of final reconstructions (dvd 7)

j reacts to the idea of cancelling tax credits to incentivize the disabled to work

it seems like they're going to cancel my tax credits this year, which means i'm not going to have as much spending money. it is not a rational incentive for anything at all, and it will not make any difference in my loan repayment.

my loan is upwards of $60,000 and it's growing, yearly, due to interest. i have not made a payment on the loan since 2008. i will be on disability for the rest of my life; the chances of a single payment on the loan, let alone full repayment of it, are 0%.

i need to reiterate: there is a zero percent chance that i will ever make a payment on the loan. ever.

i have been transparent with the system about this. the system agrees that i am permanently disabled, but disagrees that i am severely permanently disabled.

i made the choice a few months ago that continuing to fill out forms, only to have them rejected and then be asked to fill them out again, was simply not worth my time. i hate doctors. i've had enough of convincing the doctors to fill out the forms, then having the forms rejected and then having another department ask me to send the same forms.

the math here is not debatable; the system is just being incompetent. i receive $13320/year from disability payments, and pay $7920 of that out for rent - leaving me with $5400/year to pay for all other expenses, including food. that's $450/month. i have no further source of income.

the minimum payments on my student loan are $1400/month, most of which is interest. the trillium benefit, which they are going to hold, is around $60/month.

there is obviously no logic in reducing my income by $60/month to pay off a student loan, when the same student loan is charging me $1000/month in interest and i have been transparent that i am medically unable to work.

but, i just don't have the energy to fight the system any further. they can keep their $60/month - to what aim, nobody knows. even the people on the phone agree that this makes no sense.

the thing that would make sense would be for the government to look at the situation and realize that because i am disabled i can never pay back the loan, and because i am poor i should receive the subsidy. and, in fact, they have done that. but, the situation is supposedly not severe enough.

it's not even a question of severity, in my view. it's just a sadistic policy. that $60/month is useless in paying down my loan. it's about 5% of the monthly interest. it's not even close! but, it means quite a bit to me.

how much to me? well, $60/month is a show or two a month. about a show and a half, really, which means three every two months. that's how it's going to hit me.

i need to reiterate that it's just stupid, calvinist bullshit. it makes no sense as a loan recovery tactic. it only makes sense as a way to punish me for being disabled.

i'm convinced that a big part of the problem is that they have a private company on the collections, and they don't get paid unless they recover something. so, this kafkaesque mess is just a consequence of the decision to privatize collections, which atomizes the decision making process. nobody is looking at the situation from a distance. everybody is making isolated decisions, without talking to each other about it.

so, it may be true that it doesn't make sense to recover $60/month on a $1400/month minimum payment, with over $1000/month of it being interest. that's an obvious default situation - every month that goes by is costing taxpayers money, and withholding my tax refund doesn't help the situation (it just makes it worse, really). but, the company doesn't care. it just wants the $720.

again: that $720 is useless to anybody involved here except me. the only measurable outcome of this policy is that i will have less spending money.

should the situation continue as it is, my loan is just going to spiral out of control. but, i've done my due diligence: i've filled out the forms, i've got the doctor's notes. they decided to reject the documents. what else am i going to do but sit back and watch it grow? you can lead a horse to water...

it's mismanagement on their behalf. i accept no responsibility for the consequences.

in a few years it will be $100,000. it will probably reach $500,000. i'm curious if it can get to $1,000,000.

but, i'm a disabled person for life. i'm a ward of the state. it's just a meaningless number to me. whether i have a $50,000 debt i can never pay back or a $50,000,000 debt i can never pay back is a logically equivalent non-issue.

what's more important to me is the $60/month.

in the long run, the money will no doubt find it's way to me. they can't actually take your money. they can only hold it. eventually, they're going to have to figure out that that's not getting them anywhere and i'll get a cheque for the difference. in the mean time, it means less shows, which means less show vlogs.

a check for $3000 or something could be a new pc, at about the time that the one i've got is getting useless.

i mean, nothing is going to be different five years from now - nothing except the size of the number i'll never be able to pay back.

14-06-2016: getting some fresh air by going to see the joy formidable in detroit

show footage:
https://www.youtube.com/embed/K0kginO2nG4?list=PLrHImg7oLm2YUaphbNKIGWv-52Q06np5Y

review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/06/14.html

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

13-06-2016: final archiving steps are done (still ranting...)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

am i done?

not exactly.

will ever be? a few more days...

i've now got the youtube & facebook files merged. 5256 pages? yeah. that's not including the music review profile (2011-2012) and some of the politics page (2010-2012), which will together take me well over 6000. nor is it including any email, any usenet groups, any web site writing...

it's really just youtube & facebook comments, and only since 2012.

while it's not done, it's done enough to move on. what does that mean?

well, first i need to catch up on the vlogging, which will mean clearing this page down. and, i really plan to keep it cleared this time. i'll no doubt keep ranting, but i'm moving it off this site to a blogspot site. i just don't trust social media to house data anymore - you never know when things are going to disappear. that won't take too long, i hope.

then, i should be able to rebuild the main bandcamp archive - which will mean updating the document, too. i'll rebuild facebook as i'm doing that. but, i'm going to wait for the aleph-disc. i kind of initially wanted to do this all at once, but i no longer think that makes sense.

first things first - i'm eating. then i'm showering. i crashed hard when i came home two thursdays ago and have barely moved out of my chair since. i was hoping to get a good chunk of the aleph-disc done, but instead was stuck continuing the build-up to it.

i will be catching the joy formidable tonight. it may be an overnight in ferndale. i have yet to see a show at this venue. but, i have no plans to leave early to catch the bus - this is a band that i'll stay the night for.

the next chunk of time runs from the 14th to the 21st. i think i can reasonably hope to get close to rebuilding my second record by the time i get there.

so, from this point, this page is going to fall back to publishing new/old music as it gets republished. i'm confusing at the best of times.

but, archiving is comprehensively complete. the remaining build is new writing.

11-06-2016: shifting gears back to final archiving steps (with rants in between)

tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1

the air conditioner upstairs is starting to break. i can hear it wheezing. finally.

i'm trying to overload it.

it's literally 35 degrees out today - pre-humidity. i have the windows open. and i have the heat on - set to 28. it's actually on, too. i tried to turn it down, but i don't want to feel the slightest bit of refrigeration on my skin...i want to sit in my own sweat...

i don't think i'm being unreasonable. rather, i think there's absolutely no way to justify installing an air conditioner in your unit that affects the units around you. i don't care what he wants it set at; i don't want to know it exists. if it's 35 degrees outside, and the air conditioner is preventing it from being 35 degrees inside, i feel i have every right to set the heat to 35 degrees - and that the guy running the air conditioner is liable for the costs of returning the air in my room to ambient conditions.

i mean, ideally, i'd just open the window and let the heat come up and down with the temperature outside. yes - i really do want it to be 35 degrees in here. we only get a few weeks a year of nice, hot, humid weather like this. i'm not about to let him suck all the heat out of here.

he's going to wake up to a really nasty hydro bill. but, he earned it. i only wish that i could see his face.

i've made some decent progress over the last few days in combining data files, and i don't want to pause it to get back to editing. i'm back to the multitasking issue again until i can get a head start on the aleph disc. so, the vlogs may be on pause for a few days. it won't be too too long.

they're happening, it's just that they're not being edited or uploaded. and there's really not anything in them that isn't on this page, except some further eating rants. it will all come up in time, once the machine clears back up.

i really should be done the process by now, but i got stuck in the primary. it's the last primary, though.

you could take the time to catch up, if you'd like.