i'm not normally somebody that has difficulty focusing. when i sit down to do something, i normally have a really laser-sharp focus; i'll spend days or weeks lost in a task, to the expense of things around me, and not really care.

so, this is something i'm not sure i've experienced before. i have no memories of this, at the least.

i almost feel like i'm not the same person, or something.

the emotions i'm feeling are a combination of anger and frustration. it's making me want to lash out at something or somebody. it's beyond uncharacteristic. it's almost got me wondering if somebody's put something in my water, or something, as this is what i'd imagine that somebody on anti-depressants is likely to feel like.

but, i know it's the smoke and i know i just have to wait it out.

i do not think i suffer from depression. i have never been seriously diagnosed with depression. i do not think i have a chemical imbalance. and, if somebody is drugging me against my will, that person or entity should face severe penalties and consequences: because this is beyond unpleasant, and in no way medically jusrified.

i'm literally feeling an urge to beat something into a pulp. i'm somebody that has been on testosterone suppressors for almost ten years; that does not make sense. and, i've never experienced that before.

it's not pot. i don't know what it is; i've never done anti-depressents. i've never done cocaine. i've never done meth. i've never smoked crack. i don't know what they taste or smell like, or what they feel like.

but, i know that this is the worst i've ever felt in my life.