well, i'm awake for now...

i'm going back to a concept of time that is more familiar to me, which is to order time around the completion of a task. the last year or so has just been so chaotic....i reject the concept of scheduling with the strongest amount of disdain possible, but a more flexible concept of organizing time and prioritizing outcomes is really essential. of course, i haven't exactly lacked this over the last year - i was consistently meandering in one direction or another, half-blind and often inebriated. what i lacked was the order that comes from organizing yourself around small victories. before i shifted to reconstructing the aleph-disc, and closing all of the discs one-by-one, the last new project that i started was really back in january. life over the last few months of 2015 was likewise related to ending a project i had started in june of that year - and was bogged down by what was eventually isolated as interference from an environmental magnetic field.

i should also point out that i went through a stressful process of disability renewal over 2015. in august, i was finally given five years. that was after almost two years of medical review. i found myself living as though i had nothing to lose, due to the increasing certainty that i was going to run out of time. getting the extension was a complicated thing, emotionally, and i think the results demonstrate that. i lost a source of stress, which is good, but i also lost the sense of urgency attached to it. that in itself was a kind of trauma. quitting smoking was both a function of that and a factor in how things developed. however you want to analyze the situation, it appears that i'm in the process of reasserting a more ordered existence for myself.

as mentioned, my concept of order is probably still insane for most. i do not want a daily schedule. i do not want a weekly schedule, either. but, a more familiar way for me to live is to segment time in such a way that isolates ideas and events within it.

i think you get a little bit of a taste of this in the way i've broken the vlogs into episodes. as of right now, these are imprecise. but, normally, my life would actually decompose pretty efficiently into sets defined by different purposes.

my immediate task is to get my energy back up, and while i may have short days for the weekend i think i'm actually most of the way there. while i am catching on sleep, i will be completing up until the end of my first record. right now, that is up until inri013. i cannot commit to numbers.

when that is done, i will need to stop and clean. this will include a compost run and full run through the living space. this is also when i will start the vlog catch-up.

i will then need to begin on the next project, which is completing the string of singles for the second record (currently thought to be inri018) and the resequencing the second record, itself.

so, that's three upcoming segments of time. it's unclear where they begin or end. they don't have lunch hours or smoke breaks. they may be measured in days or weeks, but hopefully not months. yet, as loose as they are, they are an ordering of time - and that is required, in some abstraction, or no work will ever get done.

i don't know what i'll want to do directly after i finish the second record (and offshoots of it). i suppose that the next chunk of time will be about finishing period 1.3. and then period 2. but, real life things will no doubt assert themselves in between. what i do know is that it is likely that this stronger ordering of time will reassert itself, until some further crisis (temporarily) collapses the concept of order back into irrelevance.

inri007-inri014 are actually basically done. i'm sober this weekend. so, this will be comparably fast. i'll be republishing mar-july, 1998 tonight and then working to make sense of it over the next week or so.