if i'm such a shit hot musician, why don't i start a band?
and, it's really hard to explain to people that i just haven't met anybody i could work with. i've tried a few people. and, they all suck.
like, i don't want to just put together a band to be cool or make money or some other pointless thing. if it's not the way i want to do it, i don't want to do it at all. and, that probably means it will never happen, but i'm not particularly upset by that.
i'm somebody that actually values recorded music as of much greater value than live music. i know that's some kind of heresy, but i don't really give a fuck. it's really not of any great sadness to me that i can't get a band together; i'd really rather you listen to this music over headphones, in a quiet space, anyways.
recorded music has a sense of permanence to it. there's a sanctity to it. the cool kids don't understand that, but that's ok - it's not meant for them. i'm not loudly broadcasting myself as a nerd by some kind of accident. the accident was that people misinterpreted me as some kind of hipster. no. i'm a nerd. and, this music is designed entirely for nerds. if you're not a nerd, you won't appreciate it.
i mean, it would be fun, don't get me wrong, if i could find the right drummer, mostly. but, everybody i've found that has the right training wants to do metal, and everybody that i've found that's interested lacks the talent. my needs are just very specialized - i need a jazz/fusion drummer that wants to start a leftield progressive punk band.
but, like i say....it's not what i *do*. it's something i might like to do one day, circumstances permitting. but what i actually do is make recorded music to listen to over headphones. the reality is that essentially none of it was ever written with the intent of being performed, and most of it probably never will be.
and, that's not something to shy away from or be ashamed of.
