so, i was getting funky results out of the other players after all - it's not just a foobar issue.
the soundblaster actually stayed consistent out of the box for quite a while, until i broke the sound. it came back a little after a few things, but it's really the cleanest sound. and, i think i got the m-audio card stable through nothing more complicated than uninstalling and reinstalling the drivers, which is ridiculous - because i just installed them. but, that was after a number of over things...
i think i want to avoid breaking the system, because the soundblaster never really came back.
i've been noticing since day one that the m-audio card seems to perform better when a suite of system devices are running: the audio echo canceller and the kernel splitter, especially. the issue seems to have something to do with this. but it's completely inconsistent. sometimes, it drops out as soon as those devices do. sometimes, it sounds fine without them even turning on.
the only way to consistently turn these devices on is through cubase.
so, i'm coming to what is an endpoint. if everything is working except that card? i'm better off ignoring the card. i'll just disable it. and, so, i'll be back to work soon.