the hazards of long nails on your picking hand, which is also usually going to be your wiping hand...

i scratched my anus.

:(

i should do a psa for kids, so they know.

"remember kids: if you play classical guitar, always wears gloves while wiping in order to avoid scratching your anus."

what else is there to do besides stick a wad of toilet paper in there? so, now i'm going to have to walk around looking like i shit my pants for the next few hours.

jokes aside, it's got me wondering if there's like an e coli risk or something. i mean, opening up a hole in your anus so bacteria can crawl into your bloodstream can't be good news. i guess i just have to hope my neutrophils are populated, armed and ready for battle!

"unfortunately, we regret to inform you that jessica has perished due to complications resulting from a mild case of accidental anal scratching."

i should publicly apologize to my neutrophils for increasing their workload. i can only imagine what they're thinking....

"dude, where'd all this e coli come from"
"the fucking idiot scratched her anus."
"how?"
"classical guitar finger nails."
"she didn't know better than to wear gloves?"
"apparently not."
"what a fucking noob."
"there's a few over there, let's go phagosome 'em."
"i'm not hungry, i just had a bunch..."
"just fucking do it."