this is some progress:

if i put in a cd-r (not a dvd) into a cd-rom (not a dvd-rom) connected via the master ide cable, with the jumper to master (not cable select) it indicates drive activity that is otherwise not present.

unfortunately, i burnt the motherboard cd on what seems like my last cd-r. i thought i had a stack of lightscribe cds, but it turns out they're dvds. i'm not sure why i bought lightscribe dvds, but whatever. and i was silly enough not to put the amiboot.rom file on it.

so, now i'm searching for a cd-r to burn a 1 mb file on to. *sigh*.