this was meant to be really catastrophic sounding, with fuzzed out guitars really saturating the sound. while it seems to exist in the same genre as other early post-rock bands that started off around the same time, it would actually be a few more years (mid '99) before i learned that the genre existed and was rapidly developing an audience. i point this out to avoid easily constructed misconceptions about where the sound in the track came from. while it's certainly happening in parallel to the developing post-rock sound, and is perhaps best categorized that way, i was not yet aware of it. i was still just an alt rock kid, at the time.
there were drums recorded, but i mixed them out because i found they added too much lift to the sound. the intended aesthetic was catastrophic: dreary, claustrophobic, hopelessly noisy. it's sort of meant to be a bit of a lucid experience, looking back at myself through a haze. who knows what an oobe actually sounds like, but this is a guess. so, the drums were just getting in the way of that. the absence of a rhythm may give the impression of slowing the track down, as well. headphones are a good idea to get the swirl and compression.
lyrically, this is actually one of a handful of songs that is explicitly related to feeling transgendered. you have to read into it a bit to get that. it could be about anything, really. but, gender issues are what it was *actually* about. that's not something i talked to anybody about for several more years. i was probably more of a dour realist then than i am now; by 16, i had actually resigned myself to the seemingly clear truth of there not being anything i could realistically do about it, except write mopey songs about feeling like i was living a lie.
recorded in march, 1997. remastered on nov 6, 2013.
