why do i have to do this every time i leave the house?

dear pig upstairs,

yes, i am a non-smoker, still.

please stop smoking near the house. it's making me sick.

thanks,
jessica

where was i?

i got a brutal migraine early on monday morning, right as i was finishing the master document, and had to put aside grocery shopping until tuesday. it took me until wednesday morning before i was finally in for good, showered and ready to....sleep. a lot...

yesterday never really got started, and i ended up crashing before the sun came down, for a good 12 hours or so. i've just been exhausted - both mentally and physically.

it's now friday afternoon, and i've decided that i'm going to get started on the rebuild, with the intent of finishing it up over the weekend, before moving on. a number of other things have popped up, but i want to get this done first before i pivot.

so, let's hope the weekend is productive.

this has been a recurrent problem for years now, and it's a normal side effect of the worst type of migraines. the technical term is called "migraine with aura", because you get tracers, like you're on psychedelics. but, i could even deal with that if it wasn't for the blurred vision and, worse, the aphasia. it's the aphasia that is frightening and frustrating...

i have very, very low cholesterol. and, while my migraines tend to be hemiplegic, i don't think i'm having a stroke. it's just what is perhaps the absolute worst type of migraine.

what was it like trying to type this morning? i could think relatively well, but i had a very hard time typing the actual words, and if you look at the writing you can see that the words are replaced with other words. compare the original version with the correct one to see some of the concepts that got distorted and how they got distorted.

i'm not going to pretend that i fully understand this, but it is absolutely bizarre, and it hits you like a vicious attack that you just have to shake off.

i was considering doing some things today, but i think i may have to recover, instead. this headache was not the worst i've had (i could at least talk. i've had some where i try to say specific words and say unrelated things. so, i'll try to say 'dog' and instead say 'hyena', or something - and i can't get the right idea out), but it was pretty vicious nonetheless and it might last two or three days.

i've talked to some doctors, and they tell me they're just really bad headaches. there's no answer...

https://migraine.com/blog/migraine-symptoms-transient-aphasia/

ok, can i think straight yet?

====

ok.

so, i ended up with a brutal headache in here a little before 3:00, and it could be a while before i'm finished with it. i may have a hard time shaking it off for a little while. it's the dry air in here, and if i'm stuck inside all summer, i could end up fighting with it for months.

the guy upstairs thinks he gets migraines because of the humidity, which is maybe the most scientifically illiterate thing i've ever heard. but, i've noticed this before - as soon as he gets in, he turns the dehumidifer on, which gives me a headache, too. so, we both end up with headaches because he won't turn the fucking dehumidifier off.

like, i can't even think. it's like i have a vice squeezing my brain; it's a tension headache, and just vicious. i can't see, i can barely talk, it's just brutal. what he should be doing is the opposite - he should be turning the dry air off, and turning on the humidifier instead. we need more humidity, not less! i can't stand the dry air, it gives me a headache and just makes me horribly sick.

ok.

i can't type....clearly.....

i'll be back in a bit.

the problem is the lack of humidity.

but, i'm done the master document.

===============

so, i cleaned that segment up, now, and i'm still hurting, but i seem to be much better.

i feel awful, but i'm not sick from the virus - it's the dry air. i haven't been outside at all since april 16th.

is it the vitamin d? no. it's the dry air...

my immediate concern is that i need to eat this morning.

but, i am done the master document. really. it's roughly 250 pages, and mostly music stuff....

just let me shake this off a bit more.

ok.

so, i ended up with a brutal headache end here a little before 3:00, and i could be a while before i finish with it. i may have a hard time shaking it off for a little while. up stairs the try air end here, and i if i end up here stuck in here all find, here it's care until an empty little winter.

the guy upstairs thinks he gets migraines because of the humidity, which is maybe the most scientifically illiterate thing i've heard. but, i've notice this before - as soon as he gets up, he turn the dehumidifer end, on which gives me a headache, too. so, we both end up with headaches because he wouldn't dd the fucking dehumidifier off.

like, i couldn't even think he's sorry here. what he should be doing is the opposite - he should be turning the dry air off, and doing on the humidifier instead. i can't stand the dry air, it gives me a headache and up makes up send.

ok.

i end can't type....clearly.....

i'll be back in a bit.

the probably is the humidity.

but, i'm done the master document.

i got distracted this morning by some censorship on facebook.

it was back in late february or early march that facebook decided to put a "cover" over this album art, which i found to be an unacceptable restriction of speech:

their argument was that they'd decided this had "graphic or violent content" and people should decide whether they wanted to look at it.

but, how can people make a choice to decide if they want to see something if they haven't seen it? it's incoherent, circular logic. you have to see something before you decide you don't like it. so, this decision is not being made by individual people, but rather by facebook.

the value of this picture, as art, is that it is disturbing.

what is it even of? this crocodillian ate some human, and is being cut open to identify the body. that's a fact of life, as human predation is a real concern in much of the world where humans co-exist with this species. facebook's decision to cover up the picture is equivalent to a denial of reality, which they're then using to censor the art - which is the feeling of discomfort that you get from looking at this, as a reminder that your humanity is rooted in the fact that you are an animal.

do i think you have the right to avoid that? no...

you might disagree with it, but you cannot be allowed to tell me to cover up.

so, i got into a posting war with facebook over it, and they seem to have conceded the point, but only on my main profile. as i went through the music profile, i realized i'd have to repost several posts that made use of the picture, which meant i'd have to scroll through hundreds of posts....

i then forced myself to sleep this afternoon, which took a few tries - which is a good sign. when i am healthy, i have difficulty sleeping. i thrive on insomnia; bring it on.

i need to finish up what i was doing this morning, before i put the completed master document aside to do dishes and get something to eat.

i'm not starving myself.

it's just conservation of energy - if i expend less energy, i'll need to consume less, too.

and, i'm healthy enough that my body can tell me that, and i can hear it, and i'm able to listen.

and, why don't i go out and do something?

i like concerts, but that's really the only thing that has ever succeeded in getting me out of the house.

even in the best of times, i've never been an outside person - i've always preferred staying inside with technology, enough that i should watch the vitamin d, myself.

i will get some fresh air when i need to get groceries.

but, i'd rather sit in the dark and listen to gothic music than go outside and play in the sun - that's been true my whole life.

the sun is coming up, and i just finished consolidating everything for the master document from the laptop's drive.

there is one further step, and it requires making sure everything already posted to the internet is already in the document - facebook, partial rebuilds, etc.

i'm going to stop to eat, and i'm overdue. as i haven't been expending much energy, i haven't been eating much. so, i've gone from being a few days ahead of schedule last month to being three days behind schedule, this month.

that's ok; if i end up a week or more behind, i'll just scratch it off.

i mentioned once before that it is highly likely that i will eat a lot less than normal if i'm stuck inside for the next several months.

alright, so the html files are done.

next, i need to add facebook posts and whatnot.

this might be done by sunrise.

so, i slept on how to get these live links into the master document....

i only have 36 html files, all dated to the last days of the month. each file has a handful of links in it...

so, rather than throw everything back into flux by installing to the 90s laptop, it makes more sense to just edit the html files in notepad and then copy them over.

hopefully, these problems with my access terminal will be resolved within a few weeks. it really relies on being able to get a workable reimaging process in place.

once i get the links in these files hardcoded, and the files copied into the master document, i'll be done processing all of the files on my external drive for the month of 01/14. there will still be a few things left, but that will be the crux of it, and i can get to the rebuild.

i'm going to have to get some groceries, eventually.

let's get a nap in first.

saving it locally didn't work, and it shouldn't have.

i'm going to have to get 2003 up on the 90s laptop...this is so annoying...

so, now i'm running up against what i knew would end up being a major annoyance, and i don't know how i'm going to deal with.

i need to find a way to copy data from the internet into a word document that i can read via word 2003. and, yes - i need to be able to do it via word 2003, because every other version of word is absolutely horrible. but, more specifically, the xml formatting is unworkable. it will break the document - i need to find ways to get around it. i cannot upgrade. i cannot convert. i have to get the data into 2003.

i can't use google docs, and i can't use microsoft's cloud - they both insist on the xml architecture. i can't install word 2003 on this chromebook, either.

the major annoyance is this chrome os, which is useless for doing anything other than browsing the internet, or very lightweight cloud purposes. and, that's fine - it's all it was intended to do in the first place. i'm just in a limbo until i can fix my laptop properly by building a winlited image for it that i can reinstall on demand when the cops hack into it.

i could perhaps try to save things over html and copy them over with a usb key, but i don't actually think that's going to give me the formatting i want.

what i might have to do is install word on the 90s laptop (which is running xp) and then copy over the formatting into the doc file, and then move it back.

why don't any of the clouds offer 2003 support? i don't know. but, they don't...so i'm stuck....

yeah. these are really my only two options.

it has to do with the way i coded the website. if i launch the files locally, and copy them into the master document, the links will be local. if i want the links to actually go out to the appspot site, i need to copy them directly over from the live site.

i'm making some progress here on this master document finally.

i'm starting to come to terms with the reality that i'm going to spend this summer inside by myself, and i'm ok with it.

i'm behind on everything, and i'm not getting younger, so let's hope i get a lot of work done - let's hope that the beginning of this month is a major pivot into taking a good chunk out of finishing up period 3 (2003-2007).

i'm making some progress on the master document for 01/14, but i've been distracted by reviews and other things - including updating the linked lists on the left side (your left.) of this blog.

so, there's now a more detailed and easily accessible categorization of the various releases at your fingertips. it was previously just a long list of catalog numbers; now, there's an enumeration of official records, symphonic works, lps, alephs, etc.

so, i've been slow to get started today, after struggling with awakeness. i don't know. i haven't been smelling any drugs....

i might have just needed to catch up on some rest.

i uploaded an (i think.) unreleased midi remix of stuck in the middle of an alley closing in on all sides as the dummy track for the next journal, yesterday morning:

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/01-2014-music-journal

hopefully, i can get some work done today before nodding off.

so, these were the re-releases from jan, 2014 that i'm working on, now:

1) the liquify single, newly split off from inrimake (see entry 3). this is now inri031. this is dated to the summer of 1999. it was remastered in 2017.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/liquify-ep

2) the book it! single, newly split off from inridiculous (see entry 4). this is now inri034. this is dated to late 1999.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/book-it-single

3) the newly expanded and finalized inrimake, without the liquify single (entry 1), which is download only. this is a covers & remixes collection, entirely unauthorized. it's now inri032. this is dated to late 1999, but some of the material was from 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrimake-covers-lp-2

4) my third official record, inridiculous, was uploaded without modification, except to strip out the last track into the book it! single (entry 2). this is now inri033. i did not even remaster this record. this is dated to late 1999, but some of the material was from as far back as 1996.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inridiculous

5) the inricycled b compilation was initially released in parallel to inricycled a as a way to salvage material from the 1997-1999 period that i thought was otherwise unworkable. when i realized in 2015 that i could actually remaster this material from tape, this compilation was deleted from my discography by appending it to the inrijected collection, inri022. i suppose the compilation dates to jan, 2014, even if the material is raided from 1996-1999.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/inricycled-b

6) the let freedom ring single, newly created from a discarded remix of a track on deny everything (see entry 11) that included martin luther king and doonesbury samples. this is now inri036. this is dated to late 1999 and early 2000. it was updated in 2017.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/let-freedom-ring-ep

7) the first ever release of the full curious george suite in it's original form, which was thought lost until it was found later in the year. this is dated to the spring of 2000. it is now inri037.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-curious-george-suite-ep

8) the ignorance is bliss single, with a comprehensive exploration of remixes of the track over the period of 2000-2014. the track was first written in 2000, but the lead track at this time was recreated from source in early 2014. it was updated with a final lead mix in 2017. this is inri038.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/ignorance-is-bliss-ep-single

9) my fourth symphony, released in final standalone form as the acidosis ep, for the first time. this recording was created in the summer of 2000 and has not been modified since. this is inri039.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/acidosis-ep

10) i also had to split off a separate curious george single, as the sample version did not exist until late 2000 and neither makes sense in the context of the suite, nor in the context of the record (now without any samples). this is a comprehensive collection of remixes created after 2000. this is inri040.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/curious-george-single

11) my fourth official record, deny everything, was initially created near the end of 2000 out of material created since late 1999. this record was re-released several times between 2000 and 2014; this is the final version, void of all vocal samples, except the star trek sample in gravity's rainbow. this is inri041.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/deny-everything-lp

12) my truncated experimental guitar experiment, an ep called j's adventures in guitarland, was one of the first things i uploaded to bandcamp back in 2010. it was re-released without further modification at this time. these are renaissance guitar pieces that i recorded in 2001. this is inri045.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/js-adventures-in-guitarland-ep

this is a review of the weeping icon / control top show at deluxx fluxx on mar 12, 2020.

this was a night that was neither supposed to be late nor expensive, but the sudden collapse in the canadian dollar, combined with the closure of the tunnel overnight for maintenance work, meant that going to the show would be more expensive than previously budgeted for, and that there was no option but to overnight in the diner, as the tunnel bus would be out of service from 20:00 on the night of the 12th until 7:00 on the morning of the 13th. once i realized this on thursday morning, i strongly considered skipping the show, but in the end reasoned that the shows at the end of the month would likely end up canceled, anyways, so i'd might as well overpay on one last night out for a long while. so, i caught the last bus of the night over to detroit, which was the 19:00 bus.

all anybody outside wanted to talk about was the virus, and the looming assumption that there were imminent closures coming, indeed that things were being canceled and closing down in real time. people found themselves in the situation where they were just looking for something that was open.

my interest in the show was initially in the second band, control top, but i made sure to get there on time in order to see weeping icon, as well. i strongly considered catching weeping icon the last time they were here, in november:

so, the weather made actually going to this somewhat of a non-starter. i would have had to have dragged myself, and an unknown punk band wasn't going to do it...

it's an interesting proof of concept, but i wish they did more with the electronics than they are. it just kind of comes off as something to distract people while they're tuning or changing busted strings...

purely as a punk act, it's fun enough, if relatively generic.

i actually bet it was fun. but, my impression is that they should be doing more than this, and i hope they do.

https://weepingicon.bandcamp.com/album/weeping-icon

my memory of listening to this record back in november was that i interpreted them as a kind of art-rock band that was under-utilizing it's resources, and seemed to think they had a stand-up bassist for some reason. experiencing them live did uphold my perception of the electronics being used as a tuning distraction, as that is literally what they were used for, but it also clarified the band's intended presentation as very much being that of a punk rock band. it's perhaps worth noting that the band also slimmed down to a bass-guitar-drums three-piece, in noting the minimized importance of the noise and the increased importance of the band's presentation as a punk band.

this is a concept record, and they did play songs from it, but they didn't try to present it conceptually, so my comment that the record is an interesting proof of concept that requires greater elaboration is perhaps not reflective of their future plans - i might expect more straight-up punk rock from them, in the future.

and, as noted, they are in fact intriguing enough purely as a punk band. the guitarist can take up quite a bit of space on her own. it'll be interesting to see what she does with it.

so, i think i caught this band in a state of flux, and less want to make a point of a detailed analysis, and more want to point out what appears to be changing.

control top were an act that i first encountered at the end of the year, via reading through some best of the year lists.

the record is a little generic at points, but this is one of two or three types of music where i don't spend much time worrying about that - it just needs to actually be good and this does that.

they could turn the vocals down a hair. my ideologically rigorous, enlightenment-era approach to anarchism sort of clashes with her post-nihilist anti-intellectualism, but whatever; that's academic, mostly.

that means that i won't grade this too high, but it also means i'd enjoy seeing it more than most of the stuff in the list. 

https://controltop.bandcamp.com/album/covert-contracts

after a few listens, what i found to be enduring about this act is that they actually have punk lyrics in addition to their classic punk sound, which is rare in music of this sort in the current epoch; generally, acts in the punk spectrum with punk ideologies will avoid a catchy and pop-friendly type of sound or image nowadays, while the classic punk rock sound, itself, has largely been appropriated by pop culture and tarnished with bubblegum-pop type pseudo-artistry. perhaps pop culture's recent retreat from rock-era forms has reopened a space for the classic punk sound to be reunited with punk rock ideology. i would welcome that, as i don't tend to get much musical enjoyment from, or have much fun listening to, these hyper-aggressive spins on the style. i miss a more tactile and fun approach to punk culture....

live, the band presented the recorded material without a lot of variation, the high part of the show perhaps being when the singer descended on the floor and directly confronted a number of the male audience members on their hierarchical enforcement of covert contracts by yelling in their faces about it. i hope she wasn't infected, at the time. i was spared this wrath; i received a soft touch on my shoulder, instead.

teener were again booked to play this show, either first or last, and dropped out on the day of.

i didn't really plan the rest of this out very closely; i decided i'd find somewhere open, and kind of wing it. one idea was to just stay at the venue, but it chased everybody out and shut down early under rumours that it might be shutting down for a while - and, indeed, there was a facebook post not long after, indicating the venue would be closing indefinitely.

i had loosely planned to end up at tv lounge until 2:00ish, but they were closed when i got there, also indefinitely. before leaving the venue, i had heard rumours about things being open in corktown, so i took a walk around the corner to ufo and parked out there for the night.

as the concert that was scheduled at ufo was canceled by the band that booked it, the place was mostly empty by the time i got there around 23:00; pretty much the only people that were there were actually staff from other bars that had shut down early for the night and needed to have a drink and chill out and vent.

the people that i'm talking about are reliant on income coming into their respective bars - dishwashers, bartenders. they were rightly absolutely freaking out about what they were going to do if everything got canceled, and simply didn't want to listen to me rationalize with them, they just wanted to vent. so, i backed off a little and listened, and they made their concerns clear, even if they weren't always well-grounded in science, and i had to bite my tongue about it. writing in mid-april, i don't know what steps the government of michigan has taken to help them, but i hope they figured something out.

after however many beers at ufo, i eventually ended up back at the diner, and got something different, a blt, because my usd was running out when i got there. i nodded off for a bit after 5:00, but was out on time to catch the early bus back, make it home before the cold snap hit (again) and make some nachos before getting some rest in.