no.

i'm still stoned.

still need to sleep it off.

the secondhand smoke knocked me out cold again this morning, this time for twelve hours; splitting headache, sore threat, no energy & hot rage - i was unable to do anything but sleep.

it still smells disgusting in here, and i still feel terrible, but i think she's gone for the night, so i need to take advantage of it to try and finish up to the hookup, between coughs and wheezes. i'll have to fill that ventolin prescription next time i'm out.

a part of the problem is the weather. despite the fact that the windows are open and the fans are running, i'm not getting any circulation. we should be back to normal temperatures again on thursday. let's hope it stays nice and hot. this cold weather is depressing...

i feel like i have strep throat, or something.

she's smoking pot at 9:00 am, again.

unfortunately, i'm feeling a little woozy from it. again.

i can't lose another day, i have to finish this.

i feel like i'm chain smoking.

she just doesn't fucking stop.

my throat is raw. i'm coughing. i'm sick. i'm angry.

i never chain smoked like this; i smoked a half a pack a day. she's smoking three, maybe four. i'm inhaling more smoke now than i did when i smoked...

ok. seems like the rain passed.

hopefully, we can get a nice breeze in here the rest of the morning.

back to work,....let's try to get done this today.

it was bad enough on the evening of the 4th that it knocked me out cold.

now, i'm going to have close the windows for the next several hours due to the rain and shiver under the influence of unnecessary air conditioning and powerful second-hand drugs.

i'm not going to sit here, shit-faced on drugs i don't want, trying to sort through data. what a sad proposition. rather,  i'm going to hide under the covers until the rain passes. which means i'm going to lose another day. sadly.

i'll be glad to get the fuck out of here.

i can't get that here, & it's triggering the fuck out of me.

i don't need or want chemical treatments, and attempts to force them on me are just going to agitate me further.

what i need is isolation: alone time.

and clear-headedness & sobriety.

once again: i don't have depression.

i'm not a depressed person.

i don't need treatment for depression.

what i have is a social disorder that makes me exceedingly agitated around fucking idiots, and unable to deal with people. i get angry when i'm agitated in this way and can potentially get violent.

i just need to be left alone.

and i can't deal with this fucking pothead. i'm on the brink of going down there and beating the shit of her.

there she goes again.

9:00 am on a monday morning. high as a kite. place smells like a dead skunk's asshole. it's truly absolutely revolting. thankfully, i've got some air flow this morning.

i need to reiterate that the reason i can't just deal with this is that i need to be recording in here, eventually, and i need to be clear-headed to do it. i know there's a popular mythology that musicians do drugs in the studio, but it's just completely wrong - it's a complete myth, a complete fantasy.

the ability to ensure sobriety when recording is paramount; this place is worthless to me if i can't do that.

i'm a little slow to get started today, but i'm back at it, now.

i've got a breeze blowing directly in, which is nice. this apartment only has windows on one side, so i only get a breeze when the wind blows one way. so, that's helped with ventilation. the stench has come up a few times, but i'm not feeling any effects from it just right now.

i'm going to lose the day, but hopefully i'll be past this tomorrow.

ok.

that gets me through june.

and, i'm not going to eat - i'm going to fall asleep. i'll have a bigger meal when i get up.

50 pages and twenty days left. so, i could even get to calling tomorrow afternoon.

and, i will need to put it aside after that.

http://www.who.int/hhr/activities/tool%20box%2010069_Smoker.pdf

the constitution doesn't apply at the landlord & tenant board. but, if i were to launch a human rights complaint - and i'm thinking about it - i'd be arguing that it's an infringement of s. 7, the security of person.

and i will state this clearly once again: if you don't have the right to sobriety, you don't have any rights at all.

i am once again under the influence of a drug that i don't want to be under the influence of at this time.

and, again: i can sit back and wonder, but at the end of the day, i don't care.

what i care about is my own right to clean and clear air, my own right to sobriety and the fact that it's being infringed upon right now.

i've been around marijuana my whole life, but i've never been a pothead and i've really just never understood the desire to become one.

we only exist for a few decades. sobriety is such a treat. why waste your life away like that?