update: the intersection of two identical particles moving in completely opposite directions just posted to july 25, 2014.

update: the symphony of psilocybin-induced madness just posted to july 23, 2014.

so, how am i feeling?

a lot better. really.

i think i'm realizing that my liver is back at close to full strength after what might have been a worse situation than i really realized. the jaundice is fading, and i have more energy. but, the hormones are also working better. my stool is looking more healthy. the coffee seems to be actually working. and i'm legitimately hungry for the first time in quite a while.

i guess you don't really miss your liver until it's gone, right? trust me: you definitely want a liver. it gives you life, man. short for life-giver, really? we all know this abstractly, but actually feeling it start to go and then come back is...

well, i'm glad it's back. and, hopefully, this translates into working through the rest of this more quickly.

as i'm working through the journal, i'm realizing that the final update over 2001-2003 is going to be more profound than i realized. 1999-2000 will have minimal mods. but, some of the eps from 2001 are going to be very dramatically expanded.

i'm just approaching this with a different perspective. my concern on the first run through was listenability; i was being a lot more selective. but, i've since introduced the idea of the download-only track. i've constructed double ep singles, and hybrid physical/download double ep singles. so, much of what i buried is going to climb out of the grave.

beware of the oncoming zombie apocalypse, i guess? well, at least it will sound fucking great - i can promise you that. if you're going to have your brains eaten out anyways, you'd might as well enjoy it, right?

the oppression of logic can actually be remarkably satisfying.

i'm being silly. but that's actually a good sign. coffee's working. liver's working. life is good.

just an update: i just posted the time machine, published to july 21, 2014.



i'm very, very far behind schedule.

i've been very tired, but i'm feeling beter.

i've decided i have to have a zero (new) ranting policy until i get this worked out. so, i should hopefully be more productive, now.

that was sort of a hump, but it's pushing into something else that's going to be post-heavy, too. just have to keep plugging...

i've republished two more music videos.

1) inertia. this is dated to dec 28, 2013.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdjPvgGh2qw

2) the time machine (vst mix). this is dated to july 5, 2014.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtpW0Ve6t8A

i think i'm going to do the chamber music comp, after all. not sure where i'm sequencing it...

i quit smoking one year ago. sort of, anyways. i've bought a handful of packs over the last year, either when i had set aside all nighters for drinking or i was going through my biyearly headclear. that's certainly a lot less than 350+ packs.

350*8 = $2800. $2800/12 = $233.33/month. so, $200+/month. where did it go? the answer is that i went to more concerts, and went to more expensive concerts. i also bought some new hardware. and, i bought a lot of cigarettes for $0.50 or $1.00 a piece.

but, after a year of social smoking, i'm taking the plunge. i made this choice at the detroit bus station in october, on the way to lansing to see touche amore: i'm going zero nicotine on jan 13th, 2017.

well, i've been smoke-free since the end of the headclear, which was on dec 26th this year. so, i'm already cold turkey over the last two weeks. this has been the norm for me for the last year: zero cigarettes for several weeks, then a binge for a night or maybe two, then zero for another several weeks, etc. so, nothing changes today or this week or probably even this month.

it will be in the spring that i'll have to face going to my first concert smoke-free.

but, this is it. it was a good year for me; i made a lot of progress in breaking habits. now, i need to spend the year finishing the job.

this is the second part of pulling the soundcloud site down. it's gone, now. these tracks may or may not end up here, but will moved to singles if they aren't.

most of my songs begin as conventional guitar songs before they get ripped apart and demented into various abstract concoctions. that means that a lot of my pieces have two different versions. i've always deferred the raw guitar versions to eventual live performances, but i'm at a space in life where i realize that these live performances are not likely to ever materialize. so, i'm going to compile the live/guitar versions of my larger pieces here.
 
it's unclear to me at this point where i will space this in my discography, but it will probably be around 2008.

i'm getting my predictable attack of nausea.

we're going to have a VERY early spring, here.

grargh.

this isn't the first time i've kind of had one of these reality checks: i moved here 3.5 years ago. the first six months were a wash, and then i was super productive for a year and really happy about it. and, now i've lost the last year and a half sorting through 20 year-old material, and now the last two weeks trying to reconstruct a journal of those 3.5 years.

i'm wasting a lot of time. or, at least it feels that way.

but, i need to reiterate: i'm done. the old material, anyways. it won't be much longer before i can be a little more forward thinking in at least approaching material that needs some live playing.

i know. i know. i'm feeling it, too. why do you think i'm having so much difficulty focusing? but, it will be soon enough.

what i'm upset about is not the amount of time i'm spending on the past but how little time i'm creating in the present. i have almost nothing done.

i'm going to finish the transfer of the soundcloud tracks to bandcamp tonight. it's just a handful of tracks, the most recent in late 2014. and it really demonstrates the sad point: i haven't done any live recording since april, 2015. i haven't even picked up a guitar. it's horrible.

but, soon.

here's those rough tracks. the tracklist will be updating over the next hour...

since i've moved to windsor, i've spent most of my time completing existing recordings. but, i have put aside a few demos for later, too. i'm just interested in sharing these, right now, so they'll be here for streaming, only. i initially had a soundcloud site for this, but i want to shut that down.

these tracks will eventually be moved out of this space, completed and placed on to singles, eps and lps for download.

the cold snap finally breaks today.

the long term looks reasonable. short winter? let's hope for it.

and i need to be far more productive today than i was most of last week.

it took me several days to get through may, 2014 and to the first new release in early june (dated to jan 10, 2001). but i don't have any serious hardware problems for a good year, now. so moving through the rest of 2014 should be relatively fast, so long as i actually do it.

can i get to the end of the year? i got stuck on the electronic symphony near the end of 2014. hopefully, i can get caught up to there if i'm really focused...

http://musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.ca/search?updated-min=2014-04-01T00:00:00-04:00&updated-max=2014-07-01T00:00:00-04:00&max-results=500

that was a scare...

i've been aware for a while now that something wants to destroy my archives.

listen: so long as it's open and in RAM, i can reconstruct it. and, i'll waste as much time as is needed to. it's kind of important.

so, i got roughly a month of opaque posts down today.

i want to say that i'll need to pick it up tomorrow. but, i know that the next batch of posts will be a little lighter, too.

i'm doing this until it's done. but, at the rate of a month/day? i'll be doing this until february. let's hope not...

http://musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.ca/search?updated-min=2014-01-01T00:00:00-05:00&updated-max=2015-01-01T00:00:00-05:00&max-results=500

i know i'm posting a lot of computer stuff to 2014 right now, but i had a lot of computer problems...

the bottom line is that i'm an electronic musician, that i've always been an electronic musician (since 1997, anyways) and that fighting with electronics is a big part of what being an electronic musician is all about. it's a nerds only kind of a job.

it's easy enough to be like "just because you're a nerd....", but you don't have to take my word for it. look around. if you avoid a few years of awful 70s and 80s hair metal, which you should avoid anyways, you'll quickly see that the historical record is actually quite uniform.

the person that i know of that has spoken about this most articulately is david bowie, who has admitted over and over again that the stories about drug use and partying (especially in berlin) were in actuality a way to hide the reality around how sterile and boring the recording process actually is. i know that he's on the record for this, over and over. in later years, he dropped the facade and just refused to talk about it, using the argument that he didn't want people to know how boring he is. he apparently use to install a punch card in the studio as a kind of sardonic joke, and make everybody clock in.

but, this reality is across the spectrum. i've heard everybody from roger waters to billy corgan to kevin shields to trent reznor talk about how dry and awful music production and touring is. which, in actuality, might be why all of that awful 70s/80s rock music took it upon themselves to go spinal tap in their promotional material.

i think the key point to keep in mind is that this is meant to be documentation, primarily. i'm publishing it as promo, because why not?, but it's meant for the historical record. if it's going to be interesting or appealing to people, it's going to be interesting or appealing to the same kind of people that enjoy studying journals of composers. which should not be confusing, at all.

i seem to have skipped the alter-reality. it's there, now.

http://rssmix.com/u/8219500/rss.xml

i'm posting....let's hope i can get most of the way through 2014 before i fall asleep....

so, i'm out of the shower and ready to get back to it, but i'm going to force myself to get some sleep and get at this again when i wake up...

the slow down of the last few days is coming to a close. i needed a lot of sleep over the last few days, partly from the 6 hour walk on the 31st and partly from the virus that i'm now largely over. it was about noon yesterday when i finished write-ups for the vlogs all the way until january 25th, so i won't need to worry about that for quite some time. as of this morning, groceries are done until at least the 18th (when i have to go out for an appointment). i have the first of two loads of laundry in; when that's done, i'll take a shower and probably go to sleep. but, i have nothing else to do until the 18th and have every intention to get a good chunk into the period disc by then.

i've got the new drive installed, and have moved a good deal of the data on to it, but i want to let it sit for a bit before i move forwards with it. i mean, what if it dies next week? if it makes it a week, my confidence in it will grow very quickly. this works out because i have all of those posts from 2014-2016 to post, still...

but, it spins. it's a good start, anyways.

this is consolidated: youtube, bandcamp, blogspot. i've shut down the delicious link dump, as it's superfluous after the move to blogspot and it was pushing ads in the feed (gross). i'm on the brink of closing down soundcloud, i just need to clear it out first. it's full of spam, because you have to pay to turn the comments off. facebook uses a proprietary feed algorithm, so they've been excluded by choice (that's just another reason to not use facebook). i would also like to add disqus, but they don't support this, either. i'm going to keep an eye out for a comment system that allows for rss and i'll no doubt use it exclusively if it presents itself. in the mean time, this is as much as i can put together in one place.

http://www.rssmix.com/u/8219212/rss.xml

even realizing what's going to push me...

i have to think i'll *start* by dual-booting 32/64 bit xp, and only move to 64 bit very slowly.

there's no use in getting too far ahead. what can i say about this very moment?

i did a huge amount of walking on saturday on no sleep while battling what seems like the flu. there was a delay before it knocked me out, but i spent the whole day sleeping.

i'm going to spend the night filing, which includes installing the new drive. i've got vlogs for the next month uploaded and have to do write-ups for them, as well. then i'll finish cleaning when the sun comes up, get in the shower at the end of it and then get back to what i was doing either tonight or tomorrow.

how much longer to finish posting 2014-2016? i don't know.