i will finally complete this symphony, soon.
for now, here's a demo that was recorded in the winter of 2007.
inri076.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-lost-symphony
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
inri075
inri075.
i wrote this song on a beach in kelowna in mid 2003. it looked a lot like the picture...
there's a lot of space in the track, which is intentional. in the final recording, i filled it out with birds chirping, but the initial intent was something out of a john cage piece - listen to what's around you. relax...
that said, a live version of the track at the time would have featured me playing multiple parts at once, which were separated in the recording for tonal variance. i'm hoping that i find a fuller recording, but here's a background track, for now.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/kelowna
i wrote this song on a beach in kelowna in mid 2003. it looked a lot like the picture...
there's a lot of space in the track, which is intentional. in the final recording, i filled it out with birds chirping, but the initial intent was something out of a john cage piece - listen to what's around you. relax...
that said, a live version of the track at the time would have featured me playing multiple parts at once, which were separated in the recording for tonal variance. i'm hoping that i find a fuller recording, but here's a background track, for now.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/kelowna
it's been too long, so i should remind people what the next stage is, once i get all this journal writing done.
period 3 is next and will start in seriousness when i get back from bc in mid-2003.
this period was unstable, and unfocused, overall, but i got a fair number of demoes down, at least.
i've also made some tracks public that were previously hidden, even though it's going to take forever to do it.
1) inri075 needs to be cleaned up, but is essentially done.
it's some demos recorded over the second half of the summer of 2003 in a psychedelic-prog style that document my immediate feelings after getting back.
this should be an ep.
sept 1, 2003.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/kelowna
2) inri076 is the second of four half hour epics that will make up the trivial group 2xlp.
there are rough demoes dated to much later, but i'd be starting this from scratch, and it will be a major project to finish.
there are no serious demoes because i was living on sarah's floor at the time, due to being thrown out of my parents' basement.
i don't even remember why. i think i called my stepmother psychotic (which was just a statement of fact).
this will likely be a lengthy ep that will at least include instrumental and vocal versions.
this is more of a rock symphony than reflections, but the end project will be quite psychedelic.
i had been listening to a lot of 'soundtracks for the blind', and you can tell.
this would be symphony 9.
nov 1, 2003.
note, however, that i may have to extend the inri numbers if i decide to release some singles dated to october, 2003.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-lost-symphony
3) inri077 is literally a couple of four-track acoustic demoes that i recorded on sarah's floor.
these pop up elsewhere, but they're their own thing, too.
this should come up as is, i'm just waiting for inri #s.
dec 1, 2003
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/bedroom-cassette-demoes
4) inri078 is a recording that sarah asked me to create for an "art show" she put on in her apartment.
it's just some rough versions of some things i was doing, but it's it's own document, too.
this should come up as is.
jan 23, 2004.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/art-show-demo
5) inri079 is the ftaa lp, which is my sixth official record.
i'm dating it to june 1, 2004 because that's when i first constructed it, but the audio needs to be replaced with final versions of each of the tracks.
there is an older version of the record there, already.
this should otherwise be quick.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/ftaa
6) the tenth symphony is dated to aug 15, 2004. while it is done, a nice compilation will need to be constructed.
no audio here, yet.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/interplanetary-isomorphism
7) the cycles per second ep came out of a course on wavelet compression that i took in 2004.
this ep is done, it just needs an inri #.
it's also the front-end for a noisy matlab project that will be entirely prgrammed and will be my eight or ninth record.
if i ever get through this, it may be the template for further post-discography composition.
nov 1, 2004.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-spontaneous-combustion-of-leonardo-pisano
8) i briefly played bass, as a favour to the guitarist, for an ottawa pop-punk band called throatmotor.
there was some discussion around doing actual interesting music, but it never materialized.
this is an attempt on my behalf to contribute to the writing which was, as always, simply ignored.
i'm not exactly sure what will be done with this, yet.
may 1, 2005
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/throatmotor-fragment
9) this is the trivial group lp, which i have dated to june, 2005 but will probably move to past the fourth symphony, xenophanes.
the components will be reflections (8th), the lost symphony (9th), interplanetary isomorphism (10th) & xenophanes (11th).
the first and last two are largely done, while i haven't started recording the second.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/e
10) i made an attempt over mid 2005 to start a more conventional rock band by floating some rock songs that i described, at the time, as "impressionist jazz punk".
these tracks were actually written between mid-2003 and mid-2005, but they never got beyond the guitar stage, because i wanted to perform them with an actual band.
the compilation is dated to mid-2005, but we'll have to see what i do about actually completing them.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/impressionist-jazz-punk
11) this is the fourth trivial group symphony and 11th overall, entitled 'xenophanes'.
dated to sept 1, 2005 for now.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/xenophanes
12) when i get there, i'll create an lp of music i created from 1998-2006 for a scholastic reason.
dated to may, 2006.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/scholastic-pieces
13) this is the introduction of a symphony i started at the end of 2006 and had to abandon due to life circumstances.
this introduction is very noisy, and i'm somewhat impressed by myself listening to it right this minute.
but, the second - incomplete and unreleased - section sounds like al di meola jamming with the aphex twin, and that's a better way to describe the overall intent.
this might end up as a tetris release and is probably the end of period 3.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-crash
period 4....the bronson years.
14) this is a good way to start period 4.
it will need to compile just the guitar parts for all of the later period symphonies.
dating it to early 2007 makes sense, but we'll see if it's actually right or not when i get there.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/genesis
15) this will need to come up at the end of period 3, and will be a collection of midi percussion renders for tracks composed over 2000-2007.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/percussive-works
16) this is a messy, out of sync demo that represents the beginnings of what was supposed to be the tetris project.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/evil-is-a-human-construction
17) by combining this with the guitar demos, it is possible to get a rough idea of what the first three movements of this lp will sound like. there are five written movements.
dating is unclear.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/proverbs
18) i started writing this concept record weeks before i got evicted from the apartment on bronson, in mid-2011.
it's very much the end point of the discography, at this point.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/orb-symphony
period 3 is next and will start in seriousness when i get back from bc in mid-2003.
this period was unstable, and unfocused, overall, but i got a fair number of demoes down, at least.
i've also made some tracks public that were previously hidden, even though it's going to take forever to do it.
1) inri075 needs to be cleaned up, but is essentially done.
it's some demos recorded over the second half of the summer of 2003 in a psychedelic-prog style that document my immediate feelings after getting back.
this should be an ep.
sept 1, 2003.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/kelowna
2) inri076 is the second of four half hour epics that will make up the trivial group 2xlp.
there are rough demoes dated to much later, but i'd be starting this from scratch, and it will be a major project to finish.
there are no serious demoes because i was living on sarah's floor at the time, due to being thrown out of my parents' basement.
i don't even remember why. i think i called my stepmother psychotic (which was just a statement of fact).
this will likely be a lengthy ep that will at least include instrumental and vocal versions.
this is more of a rock symphony than reflections, but the end project will be quite psychedelic.
i had been listening to a lot of 'soundtracks for the blind', and you can tell.
this would be symphony 9.
nov 1, 2003.
note, however, that i may have to extend the inri numbers if i decide to release some singles dated to october, 2003.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-lost-symphony
3) inri077 is literally a couple of four-track acoustic demoes that i recorded on sarah's floor.
these pop up elsewhere, but they're their own thing, too.
this should come up as is, i'm just waiting for inri #s.
dec 1, 2003
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/bedroom-cassette-demoes
4) inri078 is a recording that sarah asked me to create for an "art show" she put on in her apartment.
it's just some rough versions of some things i was doing, but it's it's own document, too.
this should come up as is.
jan 23, 2004.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/art-show-demo
5) inri079 is the ftaa lp, which is my sixth official record.
i'm dating it to june 1, 2004 because that's when i first constructed it, but the audio needs to be replaced with final versions of each of the tracks.
there is an older version of the record there, already.
this should otherwise be quick.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/ftaa
6) the tenth symphony is dated to aug 15, 2004. while it is done, a nice compilation will need to be constructed.
no audio here, yet.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/interplanetary-isomorphism
7) the cycles per second ep came out of a course on wavelet compression that i took in 2004.
this ep is done, it just needs an inri #.
it's also the front-end for a noisy matlab project that will be entirely prgrammed and will be my eight or ninth record.
if i ever get through this, it may be the template for further post-discography composition.
nov 1, 2004.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-spontaneous-combustion-of-leonardo-pisano
8) i briefly played bass, as a favour to the guitarist, for an ottawa pop-punk band called throatmotor.
there was some discussion around doing actual interesting music, but it never materialized.
this is an attempt on my behalf to contribute to the writing which was, as always, simply ignored.
i'm not exactly sure what will be done with this, yet.
may 1, 2005
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/throatmotor-fragment
9) this is the trivial group lp, which i have dated to june, 2005 but will probably move to past the fourth symphony, xenophanes.
the components will be reflections (8th), the lost symphony (9th), interplanetary isomorphism (10th) & xenophanes (11th).
the first and last two are largely done, while i haven't started recording the second.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/e
10) i made an attempt over mid 2005 to start a more conventional rock band by floating some rock songs that i described, at the time, as "impressionist jazz punk".
these tracks were actually written between mid-2003 and mid-2005, but they never got beyond the guitar stage, because i wanted to perform them with an actual band.
the compilation is dated to mid-2005, but we'll have to see what i do about actually completing them.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/impressionist-jazz-punk
11) this is the fourth trivial group symphony and 11th overall, entitled 'xenophanes'.
dated to sept 1, 2005 for now.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/xenophanes
12) when i get there, i'll create an lp of music i created from 1998-2006 for a scholastic reason.
dated to may, 2006.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/scholastic-pieces
13) this is the introduction of a symphony i started at the end of 2006 and had to abandon due to life circumstances.
this introduction is very noisy, and i'm somewhat impressed by myself listening to it right this minute.
but, the second - incomplete and unreleased - section sounds like al di meola jamming with the aphex twin, and that's a better way to describe the overall intent.
this might end up as a tetris release and is probably the end of period 3.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-crash
period 4....the bronson years.
14) this is a good way to start period 4.
it will need to compile just the guitar parts for all of the later period symphonies.
dating it to early 2007 makes sense, but we'll see if it's actually right or not when i get there.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/genesis
15) this will need to come up at the end of period 3, and will be a collection of midi percussion renders for tracks composed over 2000-2007.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/percussive-works
16) this is a messy, out of sync demo that represents the beginnings of what was supposed to be the tetris project.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/evil-is-a-human-construction
17) by combining this with the guitar demos, it is possible to get a rough idea of what the first three movements of this lp will sound like. there are five written movements.
dating is unclear.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/proverbs
18) i started writing this concept record weeks before i got evicted from the apartment on bronson, in mid-2011.
it's very much the end point of the discography, at this point.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/orb-symphony
Saturday, August 24, 2019
i had to update the music and politics journals for 09/13, as i missed a conceptual component, namely the last date of modification of the installation files that were being installed over this month.
the update is minor: it is simply the name of 41 installation files, in the form of isos & exes, as well as some reg and txt files. this should help document the kind of software that i started off with in 2013, or, stated equivalently, that i left off with in 2011.
the documents are updated at bandcamp
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/09-2013-music-journal
and also atnoise trade smashwords:
https://books.noisetrade.com//j/092013-music-journal
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026600
the master document for october is already done, and it should not take long to get the next entry up.
the update is minor: it is simply the name of 41 installation files, in the form of isos & exes, as well as some reg and txt files. this should help document the kind of software that i started off with in 2013, or, stated equivalently, that i left off with in 2011.
the documents are updated at bandcamp
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/09-2013-music-journal
and also at
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026600
the master document for october is already done, and it should not take long to get the next entry up.
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
Thursday, August 15, 2019
the third
entry in the music journal series, which is the month of september, 2013
and is 138 pages long. i am not going to summarize the story, but it is
available on the web over here: musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.com/2013/09/.
this is a compilation of written correspondences that occurred around me over september, 2013. it includes facebook posts, messenger chats and emails with friends and family members, in an attempt to tell the story of how i set my studio back up in windsor after relocating from ottawa. the contents of this download are the dummy track, a word doc file and a pdf file, both written in a more readable, chronological ordering. i've also added the respective files for my other three blogs, for general interest, as well as 82 separate txt documents (essays, notes, scripts and web pages) that are referenced in the journal.
the events documented in this journal occurred in september, 2013 and were compiled into a narrative in several stages over the years 2014-2019. journal completed on july 30, 2019. released and finalized in doc and pdf format on aug 15, 2019. updated on aug 24, 2019. doc0913.
credits
released October 1, 2013
this is a compilation of written correspondences that occurred around me over september, 2013. it includes facebook posts, messenger chats and emails with friends and family members, in an attempt to tell the story of how i set my studio back up in windsor after relocating from ottawa. the contents of this download are the dummy track, a word doc file and a pdf file, both written in a more readable, chronological ordering. i've also added the respective files for my other three blogs, for general interest, as well as 82 separate txt documents (essays, notes, scripts and web pages) that are referenced in the journal.
the events documented in this journal occurred in september, 2013 and were compiled into a narrative in several stages over the years 2014-2019. journal completed on july 30, 2019. released and finalized in doc and pdf format on aug 15, 2019. updated on aug 24, 2019. doc0913.
credits
released October 1, 2013
j - editing, participant
esa - participant
nana - participant
the surviving uncle - participant
the initial landlord - participant
teksavvy technical support - participant
dr. robert clarke, dentist - participant
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/09-2013-music-journal
here is the noise trade smashwords link for the readable version of the september, 2013 archive of this blog.
https://books.noisetrade.com//j/092013-music-journal
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026600
i clearly need to pick things up a little....
some loose ends tie up over october, and i think the process should be faster moving forwards, as i think everything is already mostly posted.
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026600
i clearly need to pick things up a little....
some loose ends tie up over october, and i think the process should be faster moving forwards, as i think everything is already mostly posted.
Thursday, August 1, 2019
so, where am i on the rebuild?
i've posted all of the damaged cds. there's a few more days of setting the apartment up, but a lot of what is left is the scripts, so i think i should run through it a little quicker when i get back to it. i start reposting inri000 at the end of the month, so i should get some liner notes up for the october and november journals, and when that happens i hope you'll see what the actual point of this is.
as mentioned previously, i'm rebooting the alter-reality, so the notes that come up for now will just be for 2013-2018. it wasn't initially clear how i was going to do this, but it now makes sense for me to say that i can and will stop this process, for now, at the beginning of 2018, with the end of the fifth reconstruction phase. i guess i'll want to do a quick archive, but i can stop the rebuild there, until i get done the next phase.
i'm going to get through this before i start making more calls about the report, which should be in the mail.
for right now, i'm going to get something to eat, watch the debates when i'm eating and take a hot shower to warm the place up a little bit.
i've posted all of the damaged cds. there's a few more days of setting the apartment up, but a lot of what is left is the scripts, so i think i should run through it a little quicker when i get back to it. i start reposting inri000 at the end of the month, so i should get some liner notes up for the october and november journals, and when that happens i hope you'll see what the actual point of this is.
as mentioned previously, i'm rebooting the alter-reality, so the notes that come up for now will just be for 2013-2018. it wasn't initially clear how i was going to do this, but it now makes sense for me to say that i can and will stop this process, for now, at the beginning of 2018, with the end of the fifth reconstruction phase. i guess i'll want to do a quick archive, but i can stop the rebuild there, until i get done the next phase.
i'm going to get through this before i start making more calls about the report, which should be in the mail.
for right now, i'm going to get something to eat, watch the debates when i'm eating and take a hot shower to warm the place up a little bit.
Sunday, July 14, 2019
the nice thing about bandcamp is that you can always redownload an album once you buy it, even if i add tracks to it.
so, i'm going to build the liner notes and leave them in progress, meaning that if you buy the download you'll get the notes that exist, until they're done. that means that i should be able to start closing them in real-time starting in 2026.
events. shit happens. this is what it is.
i just don't want to sit down and do a memoir off the top of my head; i'm going to forget things, it won't be organic, etc. doing it in real-time means i'll have time to work it out, plan it through, etc.
so, i was going to flip back to the journal i found over christmas break, 1996, which would have started in mid-1993, between grades 6 and 7. i switched schools at the time, as is normal to do. but, now i can maybe start between grades two and three, which is when i switched elementary schools on the recommendation of my very silly mother, who was obsessed about there being a playground (even though i tended to spend my recesses in the library). what year is that?
summer of 1993 --->7
1992--->6
1991--->5
1990--->4
1989---->3
so, i'd have to start in the fall, i guess.
that's not so crazy. it won't be my main focus, but it'll give me some more time to read through all these old books and write these old reviews.
so.
1) legal documents.
2) rebuild and organize from 2013-2017. i keep pointing out that this should be a relatively quick process, i just haven't been back at it for a few months, now. soon.
3) back to recording, including getting right into the alter-reality, it seems.
so, i'm going to build the liner notes and leave them in progress, meaning that if you buy the download you'll get the notes that exist, until they're done. that means that i should be able to start closing them in real-time starting in 2026.
events. shit happens. this is what it is.
i just don't want to sit down and do a memoir off the top of my head; i'm going to forget things, it won't be organic, etc. doing it in real-time means i'll have time to work it out, plan it through, etc.
so, i was going to flip back to the journal i found over christmas break, 1996, which would have started in mid-1993, between grades 6 and 7. i switched schools at the time, as is normal to do. but, now i can maybe start between grades two and three, which is when i switched elementary schools on the recommendation of my very silly mother, who was obsessed about there being a playground (even though i tended to spend my recesses in the library). what year is that?
summer of 1993 --->7
1992--->6
1991--->5
1990--->4
1989---->3
so, i'd have to start in the fall, i guess.
that's not so crazy. it won't be my main focus, but it'll give me some more time to read through all these old books and write these old reviews.
so.
1) legal documents.
2) rebuild and organize from 2013-2017. i keep pointing out that this should be a relatively quick process, i just haven't been back at it for a few months, now. soon.
3) back to recording, including getting right into the alter-reality, it seems.
that means that when the alter-reality comes up in 2021 or 2022, it should come up over here:
https://thejournalofj.blogspot.com/
and, i'll want to actually stick to it this time.
https://thejournalofj.blogspot.com/
and, i'll want to actually stick to it this time.
so, i'm getting itchy and getting impatient and wanting to move on. if i move in periods, and i know i do, i'm getting ready to move to the next one after somewhat of a break.
my plans to have an alter-reality staggered over twenty years have been essentially ruined by legal battles that are of little fault of my own. i left off at the end of 1996, and would have to run through three years at this point. this really defeats the purpose of actually doing it; the purpose was to run through in real time.
that said, i do not want to permanently close these releases until the journal is written. that is, i don't want to discard the concept. so, what do i do?
i'm going to change the time frame, again. i don't have any other choice, really.
so, the alter-reality is now staggered by thirty years instead of twenty, meaning it's mid-1989 in the alter-reality, and i'm only eight years old. i was neither writing in a journal, nor reading books, nor playing guitar at that point. so, there won't be any further entries for a few more years, at least.
but, what that means is that i'll be able to run through the entire 90s in one piece as it comes up, in real-time. and then the 00s. the cut-off point remains mid-2013.
i'm going to continue pushing forward with the blog from that point forward, in the format i've been pushing. so, expect me to fill out entries from 2013 to noow and release them over noise trade in the format i have been releasing them in.
and, then i'm going to get back to actually recording.
this week, i need to write some legal papers. if i'm lucky, this process should get me on the right step forwards to having the conditions required to finish the discography.
my plans to have an alter-reality staggered over twenty years have been essentially ruined by legal battles that are of little fault of my own. i left off at the end of 1996, and would have to run through three years at this point. this really defeats the purpose of actually doing it; the purpose was to run through in real time.
that said, i do not want to permanently close these releases until the journal is written. that is, i don't want to discard the concept. so, what do i do?
i'm going to change the time frame, again. i don't have any other choice, really.
so, the alter-reality is now staggered by thirty years instead of twenty, meaning it's mid-1989 in the alter-reality, and i'm only eight years old. i was neither writing in a journal, nor reading books, nor playing guitar at that point. so, there won't be any further entries for a few more years, at least.
but, what that means is that i'll be able to run through the entire 90s in one piece as it comes up, in real-time. and then the 00s. the cut-off point remains mid-2013.
i'm going to continue pushing forward with the blog from that point forward, in the format i've been pushing. so, expect me to fill out entries from 2013 to noow and release them over noise trade in the format i have been releasing them in.
and, then i'm going to get back to actually recording.
this week, i need to write some legal papers. if i'm lucky, this process should get me on the right step forwards to having the conditions required to finish the discography.
Saturday, May 4, 2019
unfortunately, noise trade did not work out as a hosting solution, and i never got a clear answer as to why. but, i decided in the end that the site was full of ads and unworkable, anyways.
the readable version of the august, 2013 archive for this blog is now available as a standalone in the music journal package at bandcamp:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/08-2013-music-journal
...or as a standalone at smashwords:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026592
...or as a component in the first reconstruction phase archive, available in the following places:
https://www.lulu.com/en/ca/shop/jessica-murray/full-first-reconstruction-phase-music-journal/ebook/product-p5v576.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1u37wZP4SrIuQDxqQMNWpfxgYH2KR1eTn/view
Wednesday, May 1, 2019
the second entry in the music journal series, which is the whole month of
august, 2013 and is 220 pages long. i am not going to summarize the
story, but it is available on the web over here: musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.com/2013/08/.
this is a compilation of written correspondences that occurred around me over august, 2013. it includes facebook posts, messenger chats and emails with friends and family members, in an attempt to tell the story of the move from ottawa to windsor. the contents of this download are the dummy track, a word doc file and a pdf file, both written in a more readable, chronological ordering. i've also added the respective files for my other three blogs, for general interest, as well as 17 separate txt documents (essays, notes and scripts) that are referenced in the journal.
the events documented in this journal occurred in august, 2013 and were compiled into a narrative in several stages over the years 2014-2019. journal completed on april 30, 2019. released and finalized in doc and pdf format on may 1, 2019. doc0813.
this is a compilation of written correspondences that occurred around me over august, 2013. it includes facebook posts, messenger chats and emails with friends and family members, in an attempt to tell the story of the move from ottawa to windsor. the contents of this download are the dummy track, a word doc file and a pdf file, both written in a more readable, chronological ordering. i've also added the respective files for my other three blogs, for general interest, as well as 17 separate txt documents (essays, notes and scripts) that are referenced in the journal.
the events documented in this journal occurred in august, 2013 and were compiled into a narrative in several stages over the years 2014-2019. journal completed on april 30, 2019. released and finalized in doc and pdf format on may 1, 2019. doc0813.
credits
released September 1, 2013
j - editing, participant
esa - participant
mom - participant
sister - participant
nana - participant
step-mother - participant
the surviving uncle - participant
d - participant
jeff - participant
rli - participant
ms. jeffreys - participant
mackaye - participant
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/08-2013-music-journal
j - editing, participant
esa - participant
mom - participant
sister - participant
nana - participant
step-mother - participant
the surviving uncle - participant
d - participant
jeff - participant
rli - participant
ms. jeffreys - participant
mackaye - participant
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/08-2013-music-journal
here is the noise trade smashwords link for the august, 2013 archive of this blog.
https://books.noisetrade.com/j/082013-music-journal
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026592
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026592
Saturday, April 20, 2019
there's now a link to a consolidated rss feed, the 6 blogs + 4
youtube sites, which is the best i can do. i will update this link as it
improves itself.
but, i cannot get rss feeds from bandcamp, noise trade, patreon or facebook, unfortunately. in a sense, that is irrelevant, as i should cross-reference everything to the blogs; this feed will give you everything, and double or triple a lot of it.
http://www.rssmix.com/u/8317252/rss.xml
but, i cannot get rss feeds from bandcamp, noise trade, patreon or facebook, unfortunately. in a sense, that is irrelevant, as i should cross-reference everything to the blogs; this feed will give you everything, and double or triple a lot of it.
http://www.rssmix.com/u/8317252/rss.xml
i also attended a yamantaka // sonic titan show on monday night, before i left for toronto early on tuesday morning. i knew this was coming, but didn't want to commit until the last minute, because i didn't want to put missing the bus in question, and i knew it would be a long day. in the end, i decided i wasn't sleeping anyways, so i'd might as well go.
also, i hadn't been to a show in windsor in a long time and have reason to think i might not be to another one here in a long time, as well. there's just not much happening in the city that i'd be interested in...
...and, i needed the fresh air....
i decided to try an experiment with my new drink on the way in. i had already determined, through careful measurement, that the volume of a pill bottle (that is, the area of the circular opening of the cylinder as a cross-section of the imaginary plane that intersects the cylinder orthogonally, multiplied by the length of the cylinder itself) is roughly the amount of vodka required to emulate a mix of my now unavailable rock star vodka, and that simply dumping a pill bottle of vodka into an empty bottle of mountain dew, and then filling that bottle up with mountain dew, would be an easy way to rebuild the drink. while my sense of smell has it's limitations, i was not able to sense the slightest indication of the alcoholic nature of the drink, nor was i able to remotely taste the alcohol in it. success...
the walk was a little longer than intended, and i wasn't sure i was going to get in. the initial request was in fact denied, so i took a walk around the corner to think it through and came back with a compromise:
i know you're sold out, but i'm here, and i was actually just looking to see the first band, anyways. so, would it be possible to let me in for the first set, and then we can figure out who is staying and who is leaving?
"yeah, that works, just find me after the first set."
i'm not sneaky, i'm just rational. honest.
in fact, i wasn't sure if i was going to stay for the whole show or not; it was an honest claim of intent, due to the scheduling concerns around the bus ride out. i think i had decided that it was going to depend on whether i found some drugs or not, and of course i did, and rather fast.
it's legal, but you can't buy it anywhere.
"yeah. never stopped me before."
i had seen yamantaka // sonic titan previously, at zaphod's in ottawa, back in early 2012. i remember the show being kind of intense in a noisy kind of way, even while delving into this kind of japanese opera that just came off as kind of strange. i remember not fully understanding it, and not being particularly driven to; it was a strange cultural synthesis in the sense that it was a japanese noise rock band (something i thought i understood.), albeit from canada, that came off as more traditionally japanese than any japanese noise rock band i'd ever heard before, and i was really willing to just leave it at that. i've missed them several times since, but never at this small venue here in windsor, which is itself a draw when it gets the right acts in.
listening to the new(est) record a few times before the show led me to the conclusion that they'd toned their sound down a lot, and by incorporating a kind of syrupy pop layer that, to be consistent, almost sounded k-pop or j-pop in origin. but, the band the new record reminded me most of was actually ghost, in it's combination of prog-metal type guitar riffs with keith emerson style organ masturbating and sappy pop hooks, right down to the face-painting. i might normally write something like this off as silly, but i decided on this night that it was good enough for the walk...
it's a small venue, capacity less than 100, so you literally can't be more than ten feet from the stage. as such, an aspect of the show was the rawness of it. i must say that i wasn't expecting to get the full vocal treatment with the handheld drum and the whole bit, but that the first singer (they have two singers.) really managed to fill the room up with her voice, including for the tracks that i am presuming are traditional japanese chants, but could be easily mistaken for native american singing. the show was otherwise a competent working through a sampling of the slicker, glossier and proggier side of their discography.
i needed to get out of the house, and it was worth it....
i will eventually upload the last track they did, which was a cover, but there's a recent set here, for now:
as expected, i was allowed to stay for the second set.
i had seen the acid mothers temple before as well, and i'm really not much of a fan, although i do have a fond memory of the show as i got to watch a band i'd never heard of, mammatus, completely blow them off the stage. so, i remember that acid mothers show in ottawa as the night i found mammatus. if i weren't for the mammatus set, though, i would not remember the night so well, as the acid mothers were just kind of prodding and largely boring, terms i would use to describe them in general.
i will acknowledge that they were in truth better on this night than they were on that night in ottawa, more than ten years ago, and that a lot of it had to do with their drummer doing this kind of keith moon routine, where he demonstrated his displeasure with the mopiness of the singer by descending into these cacophonous outbursts, and then got visibly scolded and even drowned out by the guitarist for it. while i think that the routine was actually real - that there is a legitimate conflict over musical direction between the singer and the drummer - it could have just as well have been an act, and considering how frequently this band cites legacy rock cliches, nobody would have questioned it, either. as it was, intentional or not, i got the reference and a bit of a kick out of it on that level. but, the basic boringness of the act remains clear, and had the drummer not repeatedly misbehaved, i would have walked away from it without much to say.
this appears to be the set from the same show as above:
the walk home was pleasant, and while i told myself i'd get everything ready before i napped, i had to succumb to the intoxicants and get some rest. but, this was actually useful to me, as it ensured i got some actual sleep before i went into toronto.
also, i hadn't been to a show in windsor in a long time and have reason to think i might not be to another one here in a long time, as well. there's just not much happening in the city that i'd be interested in...
...and, i needed the fresh air....
i decided to try an experiment with my new drink on the way in. i had already determined, through careful measurement, that the volume of a pill bottle (that is, the area of the circular opening of the cylinder as a cross-section of the imaginary plane that intersects the cylinder orthogonally, multiplied by the length of the cylinder itself) is roughly the amount of vodka required to emulate a mix of my now unavailable rock star vodka, and that simply dumping a pill bottle of vodka into an empty bottle of mountain dew, and then filling that bottle up with mountain dew, would be an easy way to rebuild the drink. while my sense of smell has it's limitations, i was not able to sense the slightest indication of the alcoholic nature of the drink, nor was i able to remotely taste the alcohol in it. success...
the walk was a little longer than intended, and i wasn't sure i was going to get in. the initial request was in fact denied, so i took a walk around the corner to think it through and came back with a compromise:
i know you're sold out, but i'm here, and i was actually just looking to see the first band, anyways. so, would it be possible to let me in for the first set, and then we can figure out who is staying and who is leaving?
"yeah, that works, just find me after the first set."
i'm not sneaky, i'm just rational. honest.
in fact, i wasn't sure if i was going to stay for the whole show or not; it was an honest claim of intent, due to the scheduling concerns around the bus ride out. i think i had decided that it was going to depend on whether i found some drugs or not, and of course i did, and rather fast.
it's legal, but you can't buy it anywhere.
"yeah. never stopped me before."
i had seen yamantaka // sonic titan previously, at zaphod's in ottawa, back in early 2012. i remember the show being kind of intense in a noisy kind of way, even while delving into this kind of japanese opera that just came off as kind of strange. i remember not fully understanding it, and not being particularly driven to; it was a strange cultural synthesis in the sense that it was a japanese noise rock band (something i thought i understood.), albeit from canada, that came off as more traditionally japanese than any japanese noise rock band i'd ever heard before, and i was really willing to just leave it at that. i've missed them several times since, but never at this small venue here in windsor, which is itself a draw when it gets the right acts in.
listening to the new(est) record a few times before the show led me to the conclusion that they'd toned their sound down a lot, and by incorporating a kind of syrupy pop layer that, to be consistent, almost sounded k-pop or j-pop in origin. but, the band the new record reminded me most of was actually ghost, in it's combination of prog-metal type guitar riffs with keith emerson style organ masturbating and sappy pop hooks, right down to the face-painting. i might normally write something like this off as silly, but i decided on this night that it was good enough for the walk...
it's a small venue, capacity less than 100, so you literally can't be more than ten feet from the stage. as such, an aspect of the show was the rawness of it. i must say that i wasn't expecting to get the full vocal treatment with the handheld drum and the whole bit, but that the first singer (they have two singers.) really managed to fill the room up with her voice, including for the tracks that i am presuming are traditional japanese chants, but could be easily mistaken for native american singing. the show was otherwise a competent working through a sampling of the slicker, glossier and proggier side of their discography.
i needed to get out of the house, and it was worth it....
i will eventually upload the last track they did, which was a cover, but there's a recent set here, for now:
as expected, i was allowed to stay for the second set.
i had seen the acid mothers temple before as well, and i'm really not much of a fan, although i do have a fond memory of the show as i got to watch a band i'd never heard of, mammatus, completely blow them off the stage. so, i remember that acid mothers show in ottawa as the night i found mammatus. if i weren't for the mammatus set, though, i would not remember the night so well, as the acid mothers were just kind of prodding and largely boring, terms i would use to describe them in general.
i will acknowledge that they were in truth better on this night than they were on that night in ottawa, more than ten years ago, and that a lot of it had to do with their drummer doing this kind of keith moon routine, where he demonstrated his displeasure with the mopiness of the singer by descending into these cacophonous outbursts, and then got visibly scolded and even drowned out by the guitarist for it. while i think that the routine was actually real - that there is a legitimate conflict over musical direction between the singer and the drummer - it could have just as well have been an act, and considering how frequently this band cites legacy rock cliches, nobody would have questioned it, either. as it was, intentional or not, i got the reference and a bit of a kick out of it on that level. but, the basic boringness of the act remains clear, and had the drummer not repeatedly misbehaved, i would have walked away from it without much to say.
this appears to be the set from the same show as above:
the walk home was pleasant, and while i told myself i'd get everything ready before i napped, i had to succumb to the intoxicants and get some rest. but, this was actually useful to me, as it ensured i got some actual sleep before i went into toronto.
Thursday, April 18, 2019
i almost never vomit, actually. but, i was feeling it all morning; it
was inevitable, and probably not entirely caused by the vodka, but also
contributed to by my diet and the travelling and even the coffee. it
could have happened hours earlier, really. as it is, it was the tums
that triggered it.
i often bring antacids with me when i'm drinking, because the things we drink alcohol with are so inherently acidic. how many of us assume that that stomach ache you get after your third drink is because you've had too much alcohol? in fact, it's probably acid reflux, because you've consumed a litre of carbonated pop or whatever else in the process. maybe you want to take it as a cue to quit drinking, or maybe you don't - maybe you just want to pop a few grams of calcium to balance it out, and keep going. i find the latter usually works just fine...
so, i didn't think much about it when i started to feel it in my gut - i just got some tums at the corner store, scarfed them down and went back to browsing in the coffee shop. it was a little before 18:00, when i had to run outside...
i didn't take it seriously, at first. i put a shot in my coffee on the way in, but it was a tall cup, tall enough that i could have put in two. further, it took me five hours to drink it. so, i was only on my third drink in 10 hours. sure, i just had a big cup of coffee; sure, i hadn't eaten since early in the morning. but, i wasn't going to puke on three drinks in 10 hours was i? that would be lame.
so, i just sat outside the shop for a minute and waited. it's not going to happen...
...but, yes. it is going to happen.
i made it just past the band's vans for the first iteration, which was unfortunately directly on the sidewalk. well, i wasn't taking the situation seriously. i was able to get across the street into an alleyway for round two, to the concerns of some onlookers that were smoking something in the back.
"i'm alright. just a little too much vodka. nothing serious. i'll be fine in a few minutes. sorry for freaking you out."
this was met with some visually cautious skepticism, but at least the concern faded to indifference.
but, was it really too much vodka? i've never had difficulty with such little vodka, before. while i'll acknowledge that i hadn't had any alcohol at all since last may, it still seems like an absurdly low tolerance level. so, i'm going to reject the claim that i drank too much, and rather assert quite sternly that i wasn't even drunk. rather, i suspect that the coffee and the extra strength tums may have created an acid-base reaction that actually stimulated vomiting as a pressure release; this was more like a volcanic eruption in a grade school science fair project than alcohol poisoning.
i needed a third round before i was done and able to walk off.
"i'm fine. really. i'm sorry."
that was apparently more convincing, as i got a laugh and a wave.
the reality is that i wasn't feeling drunk before i puked, and i wasn't feeling drunk after i puked, either; the nausea faded a little, if not totally, but it didn't really make much of a difference at all, in terms of how i was feeling.
i made a choice, however, to stand outside, just in case - and to put my coffee away. it was about an hour's wait until doors.
there were some kids lined up early, so i just got in line behind them and waited.
"my friend is convinced he's in a coma and everything is just a dream."
"that's so ridiculously stupid, really. obviously false."
"i agree, but, like, how do you prove to him that it's wrong?"
"actually, maybe you can't do that, can you?"
*ahem*
that's right, kids. what you'd say is that that's not even wrong, that you could never disprove it and that it is therefore worthless as a hypothesis.
"makes sense."
the fact is that i've been to lots of shows with knapsacks, and nobody has ever given me a hard time about it before, so i couldn't imagine anybody giving me a hard time about it here. i expected there would be some kind of mosh pit, but moshing (or really dancing at all) to la dispute is like dancing at a funeral - it's inappropriate, in context. they're technically a hardcore band still, but they've always leaned towards beatnik poetry, and they're coming up on a flip over the cusp, to the point that i do suspect that there will be a time in a few years when the shows are almost entirely abandoned by hardcore fans. i didn't expect that to be true of this show, but my intent was to stand a little further back, out of the pit, while sipping on a beer and listening to the lyrics.
this isn't a rejection of the pit, it's just that la dispute is not really body music, it's more of an intellectual kind of thing, something that might even be better experienced at a seated venue than a general admission punk show. if you're showing up to a la dispute concert looking to dance it up and have a good time, you're kind of missing the plot.
so, in my mind, it wouldn't be much of a problem if i brought my bag in, considering i was going to be standing in the back, anyways. but, i wasn't able to get the point across to security, who just insisted they were sold out. well, they couldn't be that sold out; surely, they're not being reasonable. but, i simply wasn't getting in with the bag, so i had to relent and leave it at coat check, along with everything in it. they insisted it was safe...
so, i get in and learn it's $9 for a beer at the opera house in toronto. it was at least a big beer, but i only got one...
the place was about half full for the first act, called slow mass, which didn't make much of an impression on me. what they sound like is a parody of mopey 90s alt rock, without even the minimal amounts of tension that you got out of a genre that was intended to town done. there were some unnecessary outbursts of noise by the drummer and guitarist, but it just kind of added to the buttoned up feel of the show by telling the audience that the band itself recognizes that they are actually boring, and are even bored with being boring. while the self-awareness is perhaps a positive step, i don't have much else to say about this, other than to point out that this is indiscernible from any of the other thousand bands that have sounded exactly like this over the last forty years.
i let them finish, downed my beer and then went to retrieve my marijuana
from my bag, which i had absent-mindedly left in there when i was
unexpectedly coat-checked. i wasn't sure if it would be a hassle or
not...
"sorry, there's just too many bags."
and, there were, indeed, a lot of bags.
"listen, i could understand if there was a long line-up here and i was in your way, but it looks like the place has mostly filled up, and you're just kind of sitting around, so..."
"were you in recently or near the start?"
"i was one of the first people in."
"so, i'm going to have to sort through this to the bottom. there's no way."
"well, you're going to have to do this eventually, right?"
"what?"
"well, i'm going to eventually pick the bag up."
"but, that's only if you're here at the start of the line."
"i need to catch a bus out."
"so, i'll have to do it anyways. ugh. fine. i'm making you pay to recheck it, though: $4."
it was a good night for logic in toronto, at least.
i've rolled up a lot of marijuana in a lot of toilet stalls in a lot of cities, but this was the first time it was actually legal.....
a few minutes later, and i'm overhearing some lesbians talk to each other, as they're standing a few feet in front of me.
"my grandmother thinks we're all monsters. like, she seriously thinks we're evil. it's crazy. i love my grandmother and everything, but it kind of scares me. so, i'm just never telling her. ever. we're just not having this talk. she'll die thinking i'm straight."
i had to interject.
until she starts bothering you about having kids, then you're going to have to bring it up.
laughs from the crowd, as always.
"she already bugs me."
it's just going to get worse.
"well, it's not like i don't plan to have kids. i'll have kids, just not with a male."
you're still going to have to bring it up.
"well..."
listen, studies have been done on this. your grandmother is an individual, but homophobic people often find themselves with a change of opinion when they are confronted with queer family members, as it presents them with a reality rather than an abstraction. i mean, she's going to go to some church or something..
"mosque."
right. whatever. so, she's going to go to that mosque, and they're going to say all kinds of hateful, damaging things about queer people as though they're some distant other, as though they don't actually exist as human beings, but then she's going to go home and see somebody she loves, and she's going to have to make a choice to trust these words that are thrown at her abstractly by this stranger on a podium, or a person in front of her that she know and loves and trusts.
"i'm not telling her."
that bad, huh?
a passing homeless person then interrupted the conversation with a request for change, of which neither of us had any. but, the other lesbian was upset about it.
"i wish i had some change. i once gave somebody $20."
the male member of the group that included the two lesbians is upset about this.
"you gave him $20?"
"i'm a generous person."
"but, they're all drug addicts. it's really hard to be homeless in canada, you know."
ugh. not on my sidewalk.
poverty does exist, you know. i mean, it might be true that there's a high percentage of drug addicts in the homeless population, but you can't just jump to the conclusion that if you're homeless then you're a drug addict. that would just be wrong.
(some applause on the street)
but, he didn't want a debate; he went inside, and i followed not far behind him.
the fiasco with the bag, and subsequent detour rolling and smoking, meant i actually missed most of the second band's set. the place also filled up to the brim in the time i was gone, forcing me to watch from the landing, which was actually the plan anyways, but perhaps not in the space i ended up in. gouge away are named after a pixies track, and sounded like it. the following audiotree set has some generic pixies-type tracks and some noisier hardcore; the bit of the set that i caught was in the generic pixies-type track style, and didn't appeal much to me. in fact, i decided to find somewhere to sit and take a rest...
i went directly back to the floor when the set was done, trying to
measure the size of the crowd and how to set up and came to the
conclusion that the place was packed as tight as possible; they weren't
exaggerating about the place being sold out, and there really wasn't
room to stand with a bag. that said, leaving my bag in coat check didn't
all of a sudden make me want to go into the pit - i was still hoping to
hang back a little and just watch. but there was barely even anywhere
to stand. so, i decided i'd wait the pit out a little and then try and
work my way in.
they started off with some less intense tracks, so i couldn't really get a feel on the size of the pit, or what was going to happen when they clicked in. if i could get some separation so that i could stand on the edge of the pit, it could work, but there just didn't look like there was much space. i was hoping to wait a little longer, wait for them to tire themselves out, so i could move up. but, the opposite happened: i saw the train of frat boys walk by me from the back a few songs in, and realized i was going to need to hang back.
if i had a chance to escape the back at that point, it closed pretty quickly, as this annoying teenage girl decided she was going to dance in front of me all night. i've been through this before; the girl wants to dance, but she doesn't want to get molested at the punk show, so she parks herself directly on top of the obvious fag, after testing it first to make sure it's safe. it's then my instant responsibility to make sure she's safe until she walks off, whether i asked for it or not and she inevitably gets pissy when i don't react, which is really quite the contradiction. if you check my reviews, you'll see me point to this happening repeatedly, and pretty much always at punk shows. in general, i can handle this - i can even enjoy dancing, and often do - but the lack of space on this floor, combined with the nature of the music, just made the scenario comical. even if there was space to dance, i would not have wanted to on this night - i wanted to watch the band. a lot of these lyrics are really quite morbid. and, this girl wanted to dance too - bumping into me repeatedly, flipping her hair around and just generally trying to get me grooving. nope...
in order to get by her, i would have had to shove her out of the way, and i wasn't going to do that. i didn't see any obvious space, anyway, as the pit seemed to take up most of the floor, and nothing was opening up. so, i spent most of the concert trying to dodge tassled hair flying into my face from this hyperactive kid that was hopping all over me, apparently desiring some kind of response.
if they had played for another hour, i would have moved up. alas...
and, what of these moshers? is it not somewhat perverse to mosh to la dispute? if anything, they ate it up. it was lines like "we buried our son today!" that got the pit in motion. i'm not going to pretend i understand that, but so be it. i'd rather be a little bit more sombre about such things and watch quietly from the side...
how was the show, though?
this is the third time i saw la dispute, but the second time was an acoustic set in detroit. the first time i saw them was with touche amore & balance & composure at maverick's in ottawa in 2011, and what i remember about the show is that the songs were unrecognizable when compared to the recordings. at the time, i decided that i hadn't listened to the material that much, and i was just not following it because i didn't know it. but, the same thing happened in toronto, on this night - i could sort of make out the songs, but not really. i mean, some of them were clear, but some of them seemed radically different and hard to follow.
i'm left to wonder if the band radically rearranges it's studio material for performance - or perhaps radically rearranges it's live material in studio - and if there's an entirely parallel discography that i'm not aware of. the other option is that the sound tech is terrible, but this seems unlikely, given that i experienced the same thing in two different bars, in two different cities and separated by 7.5 years.
a quick run through the setlist suggests that it may have mostly been tracks from rooms of the house that were rearranged, and i guess i can get my head around that, even if it threw me for a bit of a loop. there's some bands you go to see just expecting something new, and there's some that you go to see with the discography burned directly into your cortex, and la dispute are really in the latter category.
i don't want to play the show down; i enjoyed the components that i recognized, even as i was spitting the hair out of my mouth and craning my neck around to get a view. but, there were tracks i only half-recognized, and it left me wondering what was really going on.
i can't currently find a recent show on youtube and don't want to post an old one, so we'll leave this space open until one appears.
(insert youtube link)
i wasn't first in line, but i was near the front of the line, and the coat check had it ready for me.
"see, this is actually better, right? 'cause the line moves faster."
"oh, shut up."
"ok. have a good night.."
i had to step into the bathroom for a few minutes, again.
i was out before 11:30, so i just walked back to the greyhound. the subways were all closed, unfortunately, so no late night sub on the bus. it was a short wait, meaning i have a working model, even if this is not a frequent trip.
the migraine and the rain started almost immediately, and almost simultaneously, leaving me crunched up in pain and kind of freaked out, at the same time. i tried to sleep the migraine off, but it wouldn't come. the rain was so heavy that you could barely see the streetlamps, making it hard to tell where i actually was. yet, the driver of this express bus was not interested in slowing down, regardless of visibility, of the slippery roads or of the potholes that the bus was ripping through. but, it actually seemed like a short ride, somehow. and, i was in windsor and off the bus in no time - and home by around 6:30 in the morning.
so, would i do that again? yeah, for the right act. i just wish the weather was a little nicer.
i often bring antacids with me when i'm drinking, because the things we drink alcohol with are so inherently acidic. how many of us assume that that stomach ache you get after your third drink is because you've had too much alcohol? in fact, it's probably acid reflux, because you've consumed a litre of carbonated pop or whatever else in the process. maybe you want to take it as a cue to quit drinking, or maybe you don't - maybe you just want to pop a few grams of calcium to balance it out, and keep going. i find the latter usually works just fine...
so, i didn't think much about it when i started to feel it in my gut - i just got some tums at the corner store, scarfed them down and went back to browsing in the coffee shop. it was a little before 18:00, when i had to run outside...
i didn't take it seriously, at first. i put a shot in my coffee on the way in, but it was a tall cup, tall enough that i could have put in two. further, it took me five hours to drink it. so, i was only on my third drink in 10 hours. sure, i just had a big cup of coffee; sure, i hadn't eaten since early in the morning. but, i wasn't going to puke on three drinks in 10 hours was i? that would be lame.
so, i just sat outside the shop for a minute and waited. it's not going to happen...
...but, yes. it is going to happen.
i made it just past the band's vans for the first iteration, which was unfortunately directly on the sidewalk. well, i wasn't taking the situation seriously. i was able to get across the street into an alleyway for round two, to the concerns of some onlookers that were smoking something in the back.
"i'm alright. just a little too much vodka. nothing serious. i'll be fine in a few minutes. sorry for freaking you out."
this was met with some visually cautious skepticism, but at least the concern faded to indifference.
but, was it really too much vodka? i've never had difficulty with such little vodka, before. while i'll acknowledge that i hadn't had any alcohol at all since last may, it still seems like an absurdly low tolerance level. so, i'm going to reject the claim that i drank too much, and rather assert quite sternly that i wasn't even drunk. rather, i suspect that the coffee and the extra strength tums may have created an acid-base reaction that actually stimulated vomiting as a pressure release; this was more like a volcanic eruption in a grade school science fair project than alcohol poisoning.
i needed a third round before i was done and able to walk off.
"i'm fine. really. i'm sorry."
that was apparently more convincing, as i got a laugh and a wave.
the reality is that i wasn't feeling drunk before i puked, and i wasn't feeling drunk after i puked, either; the nausea faded a little, if not totally, but it didn't really make much of a difference at all, in terms of how i was feeling.
i made a choice, however, to stand outside, just in case - and to put my coffee away. it was about an hour's wait until doors.
there were some kids lined up early, so i just got in line behind them and waited.
"my friend is convinced he's in a coma and everything is just a dream."
"that's so ridiculously stupid, really. obviously false."
"i agree, but, like, how do you prove to him that it's wrong?"
"actually, maybe you can't do that, can you?"
*ahem*
that's right, kids. what you'd say is that that's not even wrong, that you could never disprove it and that it is therefore worthless as a hypothesis.
"makes sense."
the fact is that i've been to lots of shows with knapsacks, and nobody has ever given me a hard time about it before, so i couldn't imagine anybody giving me a hard time about it here. i expected there would be some kind of mosh pit, but moshing (or really dancing at all) to la dispute is like dancing at a funeral - it's inappropriate, in context. they're technically a hardcore band still, but they've always leaned towards beatnik poetry, and they're coming up on a flip over the cusp, to the point that i do suspect that there will be a time in a few years when the shows are almost entirely abandoned by hardcore fans. i didn't expect that to be true of this show, but my intent was to stand a little further back, out of the pit, while sipping on a beer and listening to the lyrics.
this isn't a rejection of the pit, it's just that la dispute is not really body music, it's more of an intellectual kind of thing, something that might even be better experienced at a seated venue than a general admission punk show. if you're showing up to a la dispute concert looking to dance it up and have a good time, you're kind of missing the plot.
so, in my mind, it wouldn't be much of a problem if i brought my bag in, considering i was going to be standing in the back, anyways. but, i wasn't able to get the point across to security, who just insisted they were sold out. well, they couldn't be that sold out; surely, they're not being reasonable. but, i simply wasn't getting in with the bag, so i had to relent and leave it at coat check, along with everything in it. they insisted it was safe...
so, i get in and learn it's $9 for a beer at the opera house in toronto. it was at least a big beer, but i only got one...
the place was about half full for the first act, called slow mass, which didn't make much of an impression on me. what they sound like is a parody of mopey 90s alt rock, without even the minimal amounts of tension that you got out of a genre that was intended to town done. there were some unnecessary outbursts of noise by the drummer and guitarist, but it just kind of added to the buttoned up feel of the show by telling the audience that the band itself recognizes that they are actually boring, and are even bored with being boring. while the self-awareness is perhaps a positive step, i don't have much else to say about this, other than to point out that this is indiscernible from any of the other thousand bands that have sounded exactly like this over the last forty years.
"sorry, there's just too many bags."
and, there were, indeed, a lot of bags.
"listen, i could understand if there was a long line-up here and i was in your way, but it looks like the place has mostly filled up, and you're just kind of sitting around, so..."
"were you in recently or near the start?"
"i was one of the first people in."
"so, i'm going to have to sort through this to the bottom. there's no way."
"well, you're going to have to do this eventually, right?"
"what?"
"well, i'm going to eventually pick the bag up."
"but, that's only if you're here at the start of the line."
"i need to catch a bus out."
"so, i'll have to do it anyways. ugh. fine. i'm making you pay to recheck it, though: $4."
it was a good night for logic in toronto, at least.
i've rolled up a lot of marijuana in a lot of toilet stalls in a lot of cities, but this was the first time it was actually legal.....
a few minutes later, and i'm overhearing some lesbians talk to each other, as they're standing a few feet in front of me.
"my grandmother thinks we're all monsters. like, she seriously thinks we're evil. it's crazy. i love my grandmother and everything, but it kind of scares me. so, i'm just never telling her. ever. we're just not having this talk. she'll die thinking i'm straight."
i had to interject.
until she starts bothering you about having kids, then you're going to have to bring it up.
laughs from the crowd, as always.
"she already bugs me."
it's just going to get worse.
"well, it's not like i don't plan to have kids. i'll have kids, just not with a male."
you're still going to have to bring it up.
"well..."
listen, studies have been done on this. your grandmother is an individual, but homophobic people often find themselves with a change of opinion when they are confronted with queer family members, as it presents them with a reality rather than an abstraction. i mean, she's going to go to some church or something..
"mosque."
right. whatever. so, she's going to go to that mosque, and they're going to say all kinds of hateful, damaging things about queer people as though they're some distant other, as though they don't actually exist as human beings, but then she's going to go home and see somebody she loves, and she's going to have to make a choice to trust these words that are thrown at her abstractly by this stranger on a podium, or a person in front of her that she know and loves and trusts.
"i'm not telling her."
that bad, huh?
a passing homeless person then interrupted the conversation with a request for change, of which neither of us had any. but, the other lesbian was upset about it.
"i wish i had some change. i once gave somebody $20."
the male member of the group that included the two lesbians is upset about this.
"you gave him $20?"
"i'm a generous person."
"but, they're all drug addicts. it's really hard to be homeless in canada, you know."
ugh. not on my sidewalk.
poverty does exist, you know. i mean, it might be true that there's a high percentage of drug addicts in the homeless population, but you can't just jump to the conclusion that if you're homeless then you're a drug addict. that would just be wrong.
(some applause on the street)
but, he didn't want a debate; he went inside, and i followed not far behind him.
the fiasco with the bag, and subsequent detour rolling and smoking, meant i actually missed most of the second band's set. the place also filled up to the brim in the time i was gone, forcing me to watch from the landing, which was actually the plan anyways, but perhaps not in the space i ended up in. gouge away are named after a pixies track, and sounded like it. the following audiotree set has some generic pixies-type tracks and some noisier hardcore; the bit of the set that i caught was in the generic pixies-type track style, and didn't appeal much to me. in fact, i decided to find somewhere to sit and take a rest...
they started off with some less intense tracks, so i couldn't really get a feel on the size of the pit, or what was going to happen when they clicked in. if i could get some separation so that i could stand on the edge of the pit, it could work, but there just didn't look like there was much space. i was hoping to wait a little longer, wait for them to tire themselves out, so i could move up. but, the opposite happened: i saw the train of frat boys walk by me from the back a few songs in, and realized i was going to need to hang back.
if i had a chance to escape the back at that point, it closed pretty quickly, as this annoying teenage girl decided she was going to dance in front of me all night. i've been through this before; the girl wants to dance, but she doesn't want to get molested at the punk show, so she parks herself directly on top of the obvious fag, after testing it first to make sure it's safe. it's then my instant responsibility to make sure she's safe until she walks off, whether i asked for it or not and she inevitably gets pissy when i don't react, which is really quite the contradiction. if you check my reviews, you'll see me point to this happening repeatedly, and pretty much always at punk shows. in general, i can handle this - i can even enjoy dancing, and often do - but the lack of space on this floor, combined with the nature of the music, just made the scenario comical. even if there was space to dance, i would not have wanted to on this night - i wanted to watch the band. a lot of these lyrics are really quite morbid. and, this girl wanted to dance too - bumping into me repeatedly, flipping her hair around and just generally trying to get me grooving. nope...
in order to get by her, i would have had to shove her out of the way, and i wasn't going to do that. i didn't see any obvious space, anyway, as the pit seemed to take up most of the floor, and nothing was opening up. so, i spent most of the concert trying to dodge tassled hair flying into my face from this hyperactive kid that was hopping all over me, apparently desiring some kind of response.
if they had played for another hour, i would have moved up. alas...
and, what of these moshers? is it not somewhat perverse to mosh to la dispute? if anything, they ate it up. it was lines like "we buried our son today!" that got the pit in motion. i'm not going to pretend i understand that, but so be it. i'd rather be a little bit more sombre about such things and watch quietly from the side...
how was the show, though?
this is the third time i saw la dispute, but the second time was an acoustic set in detroit. the first time i saw them was with touche amore & balance & composure at maverick's in ottawa in 2011, and what i remember about the show is that the songs were unrecognizable when compared to the recordings. at the time, i decided that i hadn't listened to the material that much, and i was just not following it because i didn't know it. but, the same thing happened in toronto, on this night - i could sort of make out the songs, but not really. i mean, some of them were clear, but some of them seemed radically different and hard to follow.
i'm left to wonder if the band radically rearranges it's studio material for performance - or perhaps radically rearranges it's live material in studio - and if there's an entirely parallel discography that i'm not aware of. the other option is that the sound tech is terrible, but this seems unlikely, given that i experienced the same thing in two different bars, in two different cities and separated by 7.5 years.
a quick run through the setlist suggests that it may have mostly been tracks from rooms of the house that were rearranged, and i guess i can get my head around that, even if it threw me for a bit of a loop. there's some bands you go to see just expecting something new, and there's some that you go to see with the discography burned directly into your cortex, and la dispute are really in the latter category.
i don't want to play the show down; i enjoyed the components that i recognized, even as i was spitting the hair out of my mouth and craning my neck around to get a view. but, there were tracks i only half-recognized, and it left me wondering what was really going on.
i can't currently find a recent show on youtube and don't want to post an old one, so we'll leave this space open until one appears.
(insert youtube link)
i wasn't first in line, but i was near the front of the line, and the coat check had it ready for me.
"see, this is actually better, right? 'cause the line moves faster."
"oh, shut up."
"ok. have a good night.."
i had to step into the bathroom for a few minutes, again.
i was out before 11:30, so i just walked back to the greyhound. the subways were all closed, unfortunately, so no late night sub on the bus. it was a short wait, meaning i have a working model, even if this is not a frequent trip.
the migraine and the rain started almost immediately, and almost simultaneously, leaving me crunched up in pain and kind of freaked out, at the same time. i tried to sleep the migraine off, but it wouldn't come. the rain was so heavy that you could barely see the streetlamps, making it hard to tell where i actually was. yet, the driver of this express bus was not interested in slowing down, regardless of visibility, of the slippery roads or of the potholes that the bus was ripping through. but, it actually seemed like a short ride, somehow. and, i was in windsor and off the bus in no time - and home by around 6:30 in the morning.
so, would i do that again? yeah, for the right act. i just wish the weather was a little nicer.
it's now thursday afternoon, and i'm typing from home in windsor. i
wanted to do some typing on the bus on the way home, but the migraine
hit as soon as i sat down, and i was really just done for the ride; i
wasn't able to sleep it off as i like to, but i nonetheless didn't want
to do anything except roll up in a ball. as mentioned, i was nauseous on
the way in as well, so i'm thinking it was partly to do with the air
quality on the bus. the third hand smoke was noticeable - even after i'd
smoked a few myself - but i'm wondering if it was more about a lack of
circulation. it was also raining very hard through a lot of the ride,
and i know i'm sensitive to the weather. whatever it was, it actually
made the trip seem very short, as uncomfortable as it was.
i wanted to eat and shower first, but i was passed out within minutes of coming in on wednesday morning. i've tried to wake up a few times since yesterday afternoon, but it hasn't really succeeded; i've mostly been asleep since i got home. well, i'm up now, so i'm going to pick up where i left off...
i wanted to eat and shower first, but i was passed out within minutes of coming in on wednesday morning. i've tried to wake up a few times since yesterday afternoon, but it hasn't really succeeded; i've mostly been asleep since i got home. well, i'm up now, so i'm going to pick up where i left off...
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