From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
hi nana...
most
of the mail is probably from banks, some of it from student loan stuff,
and the rest of it i don't know. maybe tax stuff? i've updated my
address at one bank and will update the address at the other one soon.
for now, the student loan stuff will have to wait until i figure out my
phone situation. i'm just going to ask you to hold on to it for now and
i'll call you in a few weeks and we can sort through stuff i may want
you to forward and stuff you can throw out.
i'm not
sure what i'm going to do about the phone. i don't want to pay for phone
and internet. i'm happy to pay for internet, though, so i'm hoping i
can work something out with an internet phone. it could conceivably be
free. i'll probably get a used iphone and use it just for pay-as-you-go
text messaging, but that's not for a while still.
i
actually kind of like not having a phone, to be honest. anybody i
actually want to communicate with can and will contact me over the
internet. i find that phones are just used by telemarketers and bill
collectors. but having a number over the internet will be useful for
various things, if it's free.
the place is still in
flux. i've spent the last month cleaning it, getting appliances and
furniture and doing little fix up things like building shelves. it's
been a long and slow process but i think i should be done with most of
the place by monday. the room i haven't started with yet is the
recording room....
i'm almost two weeks not smoking and don't plan on going back.
i've
been posting lots of pictures and stuff on facebook, but i'll send you a
sort of report in pdf format when i'm done. to describe it? when you
walk in, there's a big walkway with a living room off to the side.
there's a room off the living room that i'm going to use as a sort of a
porch. when you go through the walkway, there's a very large kitchen off
to the across from the living room and a bathroom straight ahead. if
you take a turn there's a bedroom. then, if you turn all the way around
there's another walkway that is parallel to the first one that goes out
to a second entrance. there's a second bedroom (which i'm using as a
recording studio) off of the second walkway. there's also a door that
closes off the second entrance.
the way it's set up has
led me to the conclusion that the second entrance was probably meant
for a servant at one time. the building is fairly old, and windsor is in
an area of ontario that has a background of slavery and racism leading
well into the 20th century. as canadians, we take a lot of pride in the
underground railroad, which shipped a lot of slaves out of the united
states and into southern ontario. but, the history is actually pretty
bad if you take the time to read through it more closely. southern
ontario was also populated primarily by white british empire loyalists
that migrated north at various points to escape the various american
revolutions, and they brought a lot of southern attitudes into the area.
so, when the slaves were let out at the other end of the railroad, they
may have been "free" but they faced massive amounts of racism. there
were actually segregated schools in this area up until the 1960s. the
weird thing about the segregated schools in ontario, though, is that
they were created by the government in order to try and *minimize*
racism that was happening through integration.
it's an
old city, and while some of it is quite lovely, a lot of it has a very
dark character to it. you can guess i've been trying to learn a bit
about it...
anyways, i'll call you about the mail in a few weeks.
j
Friday, August 30, 2013
updates to the install scripts for the old pc, as it is being repurposed to stream video from youtube (third.cmd)
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\fileextensions.reg
rmdir /s /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Favorites\Links"
rmdir /s /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Favorites"
rmdir /s /q "C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Start Menu\Programs\Elaborate Bytes"
rmdir /s /q "C:\WINDOWS\pss"
rmdir /s /q "C:\WINDOWS\resources"
rmdir /q /s C:\config.msi
del /q C:\WINDOWS\system32\wshext.dll
del /q C:\WINDOWS\explorer.old
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\CD Burning"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\NetHood"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Temp"
mkdir "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Temp"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Windows\pss"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Windows\resources"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Windows\PIF"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Windows\System32\config\systemprofile"
::sound card cleanup
del /q C:\windows\readreg.exe
del /q C:\windows\system32\CTXFIHLP.EXE
del /q C:\windows\system32\CTXFIREG.EXE
del /q C:\windows\system32\CTXFISPI.EXE
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\sysint.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\startup.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\fileextensions.reg
copy e:\script\cleanup.cmd "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Start Menu\Programs\Startup\cleanup.cmd"
rmdir /s /q c:\deletion
del /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Start Menu\Programs\Startup\third.cmd"
rmdir /s /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Favorites\Links"
rmdir /s /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Favorites"
rmdir /s /q "C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Start Menu\Programs\Elaborate Bytes"
rmdir /s /q "C:\WINDOWS\pss"
rmdir /s /q "C:\WINDOWS\resources"
rmdir /q /s C:\config.msi
del /q C:\WINDOWS\system32\wshext.dll
del /q C:\WINDOWS\explorer.old
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\CD Burning"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\NetHood"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Temp"
mkdir "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Temp"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Windows\pss"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Windows\resources"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Windows\PIF"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Windows\System32\config\systemprofile"
::sound card cleanup
del /q C:\windows\readreg.exe
del /q C:\windows\system32\CTXFIHLP.EXE
del /q C:\windows\system32\CTXFIREG.EXE
del /q C:\windows\system32\CTXFISPI.EXE
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\sysint.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\startup.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\fileextensions.reg
copy e:\script\cleanup.cmd "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Start Menu\Programs\Startup\cleanup.cmd"
rmdir /s /q c:\deletion
del /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Start Menu\Programs\Startup\third.cmd"
updates to the install scripts for the old pc, as it is being repurposed to stream video from youtube (logon.cmd)
:: wait for system to fully load by launching a text file
C:\windows\system32\notepad.exe e:\script\wait.txt
::copy registry & file extensions hack
copy C:\windows\regedit.exe c:\windows\system32\regedit.exe
copy e:\script\reg\fileextensions.reg c:\windows\system32\fileextensions.reg
:: make dir
mkdir c:\deletion
::install drivers
e:\script\install\drivers\directX\dxsetup.exe /silent
e:\script\install\drivers\vcd.exe
e:\script\install\drivers\soundcard.exe
:: run some UI modifying registry hacks
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\ne2000.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\network.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\cc.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\errorreporting.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\driver.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\sc.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\sfs.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\hidden.reg
:: request reboot
C:\windows\system32\notepad.exe e:\script\reboot.txt
copy e:\script\second.cmd "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Start Menu\Programs\Startup\second.cmd"
del /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Start Menu\Programs\Startup\logon.cmd"
C:\windows\system32\notepad.exe e:\script\wait.txt
::copy registry & file extensions hack
copy C:\windows\regedit.exe c:\windows\system32\regedit.exe
copy e:\script\reg\fileextensions.reg c:\windows\system32\fileextensions.reg
:: make dir
mkdir c:\deletion
::install drivers
e:\script\install\drivers\directX\dxsetup.exe /silent
e:\script\install\drivers\vcd.exe
e:\script\install\drivers\soundcard.exe
:: run some UI modifying registry hacks
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\ne2000.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\network.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\cc.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\errorreporting.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\driver.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\sc.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\sfs.reg
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s e:\script\reg\hidden.reg
:: request reboot
C:\windows\system32\notepad.exe e:\script\reboot.txt
copy e:\script\second.cmd "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Start Menu\Programs\Startup\second.cmd"
del /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Start Menu\Programs\Startup\logon.cmd"
Thursday, August 29, 2013
i know i seem stoic and shit, but this is starting to become more than i’m able to handle
ESA
I dont know if im coming down. Im in the hospital again. Who knows whats gonna happen with my life
Jessica Amber Murray
if you want to talk, i'll be online for a bit.
remember: you're not 27 yet. what's your phone #? yeah, i'll do it.
that sounded more aggressive than i meant, i meant yeah i'll call you from here on a pay phone...
ok, i'm going home to finish setting up the multimedia pc. i got an unexpected tax return today and spent it on a lot of little useful items that disappeared over the last two years: blender, toaster, coffee maker...plus i got the wireless keyboard i needed, and a TB hard drive for mp3s. yeah. fuck. i remember laughing about the day i'd have a fucking TB hard drive. and it was only $50. anyways... i just wanted to say, before i go, that depression is a really shitty response to apathy. i really think the strongest way they've got us tied down is by brainwashing us with this concept of meaning. our lives are given shapes before we live them. we then follow the paths that are set before us. but it's a totally trivial way to exist... activists will and have yelled at me for talking like this, but recognizing the futility of existence has to be the most emancipating mental process we can go through. apathy is freedom. it is only when life no longer matters that we are suddenly free to do as we choose. so, yeah. go through what you're going through. but it should be a process of discovery, not one of destruction. that, and stop doing drugs :P it might be smarter to stay in ottawa. i think i already said that. but i'd like to call and talk...
ESA
I didn't do drugs, I overdosed on valproic acid because I took like forty pills and arbout a hundred seroquil and a bunch of Tylenol
Now they have this stupid guard watching me while I sleep. And now I'm in trouble for being on Facebook.
Grr. Don't tell anyone this. It's such bullshit
Jessica Amber Murray
well, you just tried to commit suicide, so i can understand the guard. keeping you off facebook, however, is just going to isolate you from people you care about and that care about you, and probably make things worse. the idea is obviously to keep you away from "bad influences", but you should have a chat with your doc about how futile and counter-productive prohibition *always* is.... i dunno, though. i guess i kind of just wish you had a stronger desire to live, you know? and i think i'm mad at al, but don't know if i should be or not. did they tell you how long? is there anything i should go tell your (potential) roomates?
ESA
No no don't tell them anything
Please don't telll anybody anything
Jessica Amber Murray
k.
ESA
God I hate this place. Faking city of triggers
But I'm not allowed to leave because I'm not well enough
And I can't be treatment for mental illness because I have addicition problems
And I can't get addiction treatment because I have a history of being suicidal
There's no way out
Jessica Amber Murray
embedded catch-22s.
ESA
Huzzah!!!
Jessica Amber Murray
maybe we can organize a heist. shit, i should be careful, they might be monitoring the connection. not really planning a heist, docs....
ESA
Lololololol
Well they're letting me out on Tuesday
And then my mom will be a typical mom for about two weeks
And then ll get frustrated and leave because I haven't gotten any better but Ill pretend like I did
Jessica Amber Murray
i think there's some logic to the idea that getting out of the city will help you get better, though. yeah, i know, we're going in circles again. tuesday was supposed to be the folkfest. have you heard anything about that? and you had an audition on...wednesday?
ESA
I folk festival is the fifth
They should tell the organizers that I tried to off myself because I didn't want to play
Bad press for the festival
Jessica Amber Murray
well, you could have just cancelled if you didn't want to play. i know you wanted to play, though. hrmmn.
ESA
I'll be good by Thursday. The show must go on, right?
God I did it for an even lamer reason
But I'll tell you next time I see you. To keep the suspense.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. i suppose i'm glad you got that shit with your band worked out, anyways. i gotta head home, my battery is dying. i guess i'll see you in a few weeks, probably
ESA
Maybe
?
Dunno what's going to happen
UHG this dude is barfing and like dying beside me
It's so full king gross
Jessica Amber Murray
well, good luck. you know, sometimes it's the little shit that has the biggest epiphanies attached to it. or maybe i'm just a fucking pothead, i dunno.
ESA
Well this is not even rock bottom for me
So I doubt nothing will come of it.
I dont know if im coming down. Im in the hospital again. Who knows whats gonna happen with my life
Jessica Amber Murray
if you want to talk, i'll be online for a bit.
remember: you're not 27 yet. what's your phone #? yeah, i'll do it.
that sounded more aggressive than i meant, i meant yeah i'll call you from here on a pay phone...
ok, i'm going home to finish setting up the multimedia pc. i got an unexpected tax return today and spent it on a lot of little useful items that disappeared over the last two years: blender, toaster, coffee maker...plus i got the wireless keyboard i needed, and a TB hard drive for mp3s. yeah. fuck. i remember laughing about the day i'd have a fucking TB hard drive. and it was only $50. anyways... i just wanted to say, before i go, that depression is a really shitty response to apathy. i really think the strongest way they've got us tied down is by brainwashing us with this concept of meaning. our lives are given shapes before we live them. we then follow the paths that are set before us. but it's a totally trivial way to exist... activists will and have yelled at me for talking like this, but recognizing the futility of existence has to be the most emancipating mental process we can go through. apathy is freedom. it is only when life no longer matters that we are suddenly free to do as we choose. so, yeah. go through what you're going through. but it should be a process of discovery, not one of destruction. that, and stop doing drugs :P it might be smarter to stay in ottawa. i think i already said that. but i'd like to call and talk...
ESA
I didn't do drugs, I overdosed on valproic acid because I took like forty pills and arbout a hundred seroquil and a bunch of Tylenol
Now they have this stupid guard watching me while I sleep. And now I'm in trouble for being on Facebook.
Grr. Don't tell anyone this. It's such bullshit
Jessica Amber Murray
well, you just tried to commit suicide, so i can understand the guard. keeping you off facebook, however, is just going to isolate you from people you care about and that care about you, and probably make things worse. the idea is obviously to keep you away from "bad influences", but you should have a chat with your doc about how futile and counter-productive prohibition *always* is.... i dunno, though. i guess i kind of just wish you had a stronger desire to live, you know? and i think i'm mad at al, but don't know if i should be or not. did they tell you how long? is there anything i should go tell your (potential) roomates?
ESA
No no don't tell them anything
Please don't telll anybody anything
Jessica Amber Murray
k.
ESA
God I hate this place. Faking city of triggers
But I'm not allowed to leave because I'm not well enough
And I can't be treatment for mental illness because I have addicition problems
And I can't get addiction treatment because I have a history of being suicidal
There's no way out
Jessica Amber Murray
embedded catch-22s.
ESA
Huzzah!!!
Jessica Amber Murray
maybe we can organize a heist. shit, i should be careful, they might be monitoring the connection. not really planning a heist, docs....
ESA
Lololololol
Well they're letting me out on Tuesday
And then my mom will be a typical mom for about two weeks
And then ll get frustrated and leave because I haven't gotten any better but Ill pretend like I did
Jessica Amber Murray
i think there's some logic to the idea that getting out of the city will help you get better, though. yeah, i know, we're going in circles again. tuesday was supposed to be the folkfest. have you heard anything about that? and you had an audition on...wednesday?
ESA
I folk festival is the fifth
They should tell the organizers that I tried to off myself because I didn't want to play
Bad press for the festival
Jessica Amber Murray
well, you could have just cancelled if you didn't want to play. i know you wanted to play, though. hrmmn.
ESA
I'll be good by Thursday. The show must go on, right?
God I did it for an even lamer reason
But I'll tell you next time I see you. To keep the suspense.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. i suppose i'm glad you got that shit with your band worked out, anyways. i gotta head home, my battery is dying. i guess i'll see you in a few weeks, probably
ESA
Maybe
?
Dunno what's going to happen
UHG this dude is barfing and like dying beside me
It's so full king gross
Jessica Amber Murray
well, good luck. you know, sometimes it's the little shit that has the biggest epiphanies attached to it. or maybe i'm just a fucking pothead, i dunno.
ESA
Well this is not even rock bottom for me
So I doubt nothing will come of it.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
she didn’t actually send it the first time because she thought her fake receipt scam would work out. and, i had no serious chance of convincing the city of windsor on this.
mom
I just wondered if you use firefox and if you do, did the latest update mess up your facebook? I did, and it did, so I deleted it and am now using google chrome. But, not really liking it much at all. I am also using safari, but I really liked firefox till the latest update.
Oh, and are using that copy of xp yet? Did it all work out OK?
I deleted google chrome and just have safari running now.
J...Nanny wants me to ask you what you want her to do with your mail? Send it on to you? Or send some of it back to sender? You have some from income tax, carleton u, some obviously from loans, some from bank etc...., I guess there is getting to be quite a pile of it. Also, someone is phoning for you...Sounds like bill collectors...Yikes!...Anyways...Maybe you could email her and you guys can figure it out. I am letting you know, like she wanted me to.
I am going to meet her downtown now.....Shopping and supper....She is at her apartment, so has access to her computer. Email her and figure things out with her.... <3
Jessica Amber Murray
i have my firefox updates turned off. chrome is a horrible excuse for a browser... do you have the tracking number for the mail you sent me? just tell her to put the mail she gets aside for now. i'll eventually get the addresses updated and most of it will stop coming. i'll call her in a few weeks and we can go through it over the phone. most of it will end up in the recycle bin, but i don't want her to recycle that one piece of mail i needed.... the bill collectors can fuck off. they won't stop, so i just flat out ignore them. just tell her to screen her calls. right now, i'm not planning on getting a phone at all. not a landline, not a cell, nothing. i'm really enjoying not having one. so there's no useful information she can give them....
mom
Well.... I just sent it in regular mail...So, no tracking #. OMG!....She can be so trying to go shopping with...That is for sure!...lol.... I am sooooo glad to get home!....It was nice to see her though.
I will tell her to just stack the mail up and wait for you to contact her then....And she is already screening her calls..
I just wondered if you use firefox and if you do, did the latest update mess up your facebook? I did, and it did, so I deleted it and am now using google chrome. But, not really liking it much at all. I am also using safari, but I really liked firefox till the latest update.
Oh, and are using that copy of xp yet? Did it all work out OK?
I deleted google chrome and just have safari running now.
J...Nanny wants me to ask you what you want her to do with your mail? Send it on to you? Or send some of it back to sender? You have some from income tax, carleton u, some obviously from loans, some from bank etc...., I guess there is getting to be quite a pile of it. Also, someone is phoning for you...Sounds like bill collectors...Yikes!...Anyways...Maybe you could email her and you guys can figure it out. I am letting you know, like she wanted me to.
I am going to meet her downtown now.....Shopping and supper....She is at her apartment, so has access to her computer. Email her and figure things out with her.... <3
Jessica Amber Murray
i have my firefox updates turned off. chrome is a horrible excuse for a browser... do you have the tracking number for the mail you sent me? just tell her to put the mail she gets aside for now. i'll eventually get the addresses updated and most of it will stop coming. i'll call her in a few weeks and we can go through it over the phone. most of it will end up in the recycle bin, but i don't want her to recycle that one piece of mail i needed.... the bill collectors can fuck off. they won't stop, so i just flat out ignore them. just tell her to screen her calls. right now, i'm not planning on getting a phone at all. not a landline, not a cell, nothing. i'm really enjoying not having one. so there's no useful information she can give them....
mom
Well.... I just sent it in regular mail...So, no tracking #. OMG!....She can be so trying to go shopping with...That is for sure!...lol.... I am sooooo glad to get home!....It was nice to see her though.
I will tell her to just stack the mail up and wait for you to contact her then....And she is already screening her calls..
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
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