stupid cra wants to take my tax refund...

which is, like...if you do that, i'm going to apply for the special diet allowance, which is actually roughly twice as much. so, i end up with an extra $50/month.

and, what you're going to gain from my tax refund is roughly 10% interest on the loan in the first place. it's just flat out stupid....

smart thing to do would be to let me declare bankruptcy. but, if you want to burst the student loan bubble, have fun - not like i fucking care.

as it is right now, if i were to get over my disability and find a job tomorrow, the loan payments would actually leave me with less disposable income than i have on disability. and, as the interest builds, i'm left with less and less incentive to get over the disability and find a job. i'm not the kind of person that's going to work for nothing. my life is not valuable enough to me to sacrifice it to the state. if i end up in that situation, i'll kill myself out of political protest. and spite. i'd enjoy it, to be frank.

i got manipulated into this loan - it was supposed to be paid off. i'd have never taken it, otherwise. but the person that made me that promise proceeded to die without following through on it. now, it's simply never going to be paid. ever.

they're telling me to wait for my notice of assessment. it might be available online, let me check...

i'm just not going to live that life. our existences are too short and meaningless to bother. it's stasis or bust.

the point is just that bankruptcy is the proper way out of my situation - but, unfortunately, you can't declare bankruptcy on student loans. nobody benefits from this, though. i'm simply never going to generate the income to pay the loan down.

no assessment, but i've got some more numbers to call. i'm not waiting for the assessment to get the dietary allowance, though. if this isn't figured out today, i'll have to do that tomorrow.

it is going to be kind of funny one day, though, if i live long enough. like, how high can the interest grow on this? can it reach a million dollars?

"in other news, there's apparently a sixty year old disabled person in windsor with three million dollars in interest on her student loan payments. when reached for comment, she simply said that they should have let her declare bankruptcy."

i'm noticing that when i type comments in facebook [and it's comments, specifically - not posts], i get very weird behaviour - characters jump all over the place, the delete button ends up "padded", etc. it's almost like i've got some kind of script running that's acting as a keylogger or something...

i don't think it's anything like that, though.

1) it only happens in facebook comments.
2) it happens on multiple computers

so, i suppose if it's something malicious, it might be on both computers. but i think that's not right, because it's just facebook. so, i think it's just something at the facebook site.

when i copy and paste the comment's text into notepad, i get all kinds of weird characters interspersed randomly through the comment. well, it's just one character - i've attached a picture. but it's all through the comment.

now, these characters seem to be something nasty. when i paste them into word, they trigger some kind of macro, which puts the machine in a loop state. i can only stop it by halting the task in task manager. so, they're some kind of pointer to some kind of script or something.

now, oddly, they don't show up in firefox. however, if i view the comments in ie then they appear the same way they would if i pasted them into notepad.

i'm left to conclude that firefox is interacting badly with some kind of facebook script. i've tried disabling adblock, and it has no effect.

i can get around it by typing into notepad and then pasting the comments in, but who wants to do that? and, i wish i knew what the fuck it is. so, i'm just curious if anybody's seen these characters in my comments, if they've seen them anywhere else (i can't find any info on this) and if they can identify what is going on...

the factors that lead to the characters appearing seem to have to do with the backspace and delete buttons. meaning it *seems* like facebook itself is actually keylogging - or trying to capture deleted characters, to be more specific. well, you'd expect it would be useful for a site based on ads to be able to capture the parts of the post that you didn't post. it's kind of scary, and dystopian. but i'm not left with much of another answer. i guess there's something in my hacked firefox that is "catching" that...but it would be nice to get some leads in actually proving this.

i've been planning on getting off facebook completely for a while, and just using it for shows - until a better option appears. and, i like the idea of facebook as a sort of cv, as the timeline interface seems almost designed for it. my days here are numbered. it's why i'm not accepting friend requests. i've just been waiting for my odsp update before i sit down and do it. it's going to take several days - probably weeks, maybe months - to completely migrate. if i'm right, it's just another reason to get off. and, if i'm not? bluntly, it's a matter of time. if they could read your thoughts, they would.

metz & lightning bolt in ferndale

actually, i'm not so much into writing that narrative, right now. nothing really exciting happened, so i feel it would be disingenuous to play it up...

i almost didn't go, because i was paranoid i wouldn't get in. well, everybody has a phone, right? what i thought would happen is that i'd get there, and everybody would buy a ticket in line. to make matters worse, the bus was 40 minutes late - or to put it another way, two scheduled 53s just didn't come. this slowed the bus ride down substantially because it was packed. i felt bad for some of the people on woodward that may have been waiting an hour, only to have the bus drive by...

i'd hesitate to say the show was a double-headliner, but the opening act had it's own audience. i've seen metz before, and i thought they were overhyped. in terms of what they do, it's essentially a function of the fuzz pedal - there's really not much to it, besides the roar of beating drums and fuzzy riffs. i guess there would have been a time in the mid 90s when i would have been more excited about this, but today it just comes off as sort of middling - it doesn't have the same power as something heavier like torche (which i'm dropping because i saw them in the same bar a few weeks ago), and they don't seem to have the ability to generate hooks that the best grunge bands had. when they get noisy, there's little abstraction. the result is actually borderline boring. or, at least it is to an old pair of ears like mine. some music just has an age limit, dictated by the mainstream's tendency to limit access to more interesting music.

i'll say they had more stage presence this time. they seemed a bit more confident. but i'm not really going to play that up, because when you start getting too much confidence in this genre it inevitably turns into macho cock rock. i'm not making that accusation, at least not yet, but it's apparently the path they're heading down. that confidence came with what seemed like more conventional writing - they've tightened up, moving out of "noise-punk" and into a more commercial grunge sound.

they're not bad enough to skip in an opening band situation. but i wouldn't go out of my way to see them, or recommend them to much of anybody - except a certain type of kid, and maybe aging grunge fans.

also, the pit was borderline frat boy tackling. i kept out of it.

is there any use in reviewing lightning bolt? the show was what one would expect...

the last video was relatively useful in demonstrating what the show i saw was like, in a medium-small venue. and they played mostly new material - although a passive set of ears would be hard pressed to tell the difference. but if you don't know the band, check this out:

here's a full set from a few months later:

...& here is a short clip from the show, too:

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2015/04/18.html

i guess the story of last night was my first mosh pit in detroit.

there's only a handful of bands i'll really actively slam dance to - and dancing is what i'm doing, in the mayhem, between rushing the stage and pushing people out of the way so i can dance more. i don't want to get in the pit when it's a lot of frat boys tackling each other, or when it's full of metalheads doing martial arts in the air or anything like that. i'm thin, and carry almost no muscle, but i'm not petite - i'm more swedish egghead than viking plunderer, but i'm pretty sturdily built and not at all easy to knock over. i can stand my ground in the most hectic of situations, and then some. but i'm still going to stay on the edge of most pits. most of the time, i'm just not really into getting into what's unfolding in front of me.

my experience has been that lightning bolt is in the group of exceptions to this - it's a mixed gender space driven by adrenaline rather than testosterone. just people having legit, clean fun. no dominance. no macho bullshit.

i've got a few bruises on my arm, but it was from staff mistaking me for somebody else and grabbing me. listen: cops are cops. they always create more problems than they solve. i'm not going to argue that security shouldn't exist at concerts, but bar staff going into the crowd like that never does anything but cause problems. the reality is that assholes get pushed out, and the response is generally proportional. the best pit police is usually the pit itself.

i'll write up something more narrated when i wake up...

i'm not going to get this instrumental mix up today, and you can't hear it yet unless you pay my rent for me, anyways. but it's total gaze heaven. the kind with definition, though, that you don't normally hear. i was totally enamored with this back in '02, always kicked myself for not finishing it....but it's now finally close...

so, expect both inri042 and inri043 to be up by the middle of next week.

to see lightning bolt or not to see lightning bolt...

well, i know it's going to be a good show. i've seen them before. and they're good for it - i know that. but i'm kind of involved in what i'm doing. and i'm a little paranoid it's going to sell out five minutes before i get there. also, my landlord said something weird to me the other day, so i'm hoping i get home tonight. it's a trek out to ferndale, but worse is that that toll over the border is annoying if it is sold out...

i'll probably go. i just want to get close to an instrumental mix of lalala first. looking at my schedule, that will give me a solid three days to get both of these done and move on to the ostrich thing.

again: i didn't want to set up my magic fuzz chain this morning, because i'm going to need a long, solid session to finish the concerto. but, i've got the ideas worked out in my head. i've to this point avoided shredding over this track, because i didn't want it into the final mix, but it's going to come out in what's left. expect something acrobatic...

deathtokoalas
this is largely misleading. it explains why it's a waste of time to convert from 16 to 24 (including "upsampling" your cds), but it doesn't really talk about recording in at 24 bit.

the more important question is whether your ears can hear the difference between how well the d/a converter can construct an audio source from 16 v 24 bits. the noise floor is the difference between the reconstruction and the "true analog wave", and it comes out in conversion back to analog. what it means is that the 24 bit file should have a lower noise floor, because it's closer to the true analog. that is absolutely a fidelity issue, mathematically speaking...

however, there's a lot of factors, there, in the signal chain. also mathematically speaking, and under reasonable assumptions, the noise floor on the 16 bit d/a conversion is almost always going to be low enough that your ears can't tell the difference between the 16-bit reconstruction and the "true analog signal". in theory, the 24-bit has more accuracy and therefore less noise. but if you can't tell anyways then you're not gaining anything from 24 bits.

now, i find most people get this part, but then argue that you should use 24 bit anyways because it creates more "headroom" for signals processing. i've experimented with this, and i think it's funny logic. i'd actually advise people record in at 16-bit, so long as 16-bit is the playback standard.

i mean, once you get something into the computer and start adding reverb and compression to it, you're no longer discussing fidelity or quality or reconstruction. it's now subjective. this discussion makes sense if you're talking about recording an acoustic piano; it doesn't make sense if you're talking about running a prerecorded guitar part through an amp simulator, or whatever other digital thing you're doing. rather, the whole thing gets complicated because you're taking in the specifics of each plugin, effect and general "process" on the sound coming out.

it follows that if you record and mix and master in 24-bit, it has to be with the expectation that people are going to listen to it in 24-bit. the moment you downsample to 16-bit, you're altering the production. now, you might actually like the downsample. but that's just the point - this all becomes subjective. to me, the key point is this: if you mix and master at 24-bit, and your audience listens at 16-bit, they're not hearing what you intended them to hear.

the converse, however, is not true: if you mix at 16-bit, and people listen at 24-bit, it's just empty data. it sounds identical.

now, can you make the reverb sound better in 24-bit than 16-bit? i'm going to struggle against this. you may have to use more reverb in 16 than 24. but i can't think of any kind of processing done in 24 that is unable to be recreated in 16.

it's just a question of whether people are listening to what you actually created, or a damaged replica of it. if you stick with 16, you're standardizing that presentation much more effectively.

lachlanlikesathing
+deathtokoalas As I understand it, the argument for recording in 24 bit is that if you start using multiple tracks or multiple plug ins, and you start increasing gain etc., the quantisation noise will very quickly become audible in 16bit. Whereas you have a lot more headroom to do all sorts of things with 24 bit. The final master is fine in 16 bit because you are only adding one generation of 16 bit quantisation noise (largely inaudible) as opposed to multiples. I don't think that audible quantisation noise is the 'subjective' perceptual intention people have when they start adding things like reverb or other plugins.

deathtokoalas
+lachlanlikesathing it's not that the noise will quickly become audible through effects, it's more of a safety mechanism. it's paranoia, really, unless you're recording, like, flutes at low volume. in almost any realistic scenario, quantization noise isn't something that you're ever going to deal with at 16-bit. you actually did a decent job of explaining this part in the video.

the reverb thing has a lot of factors. first, the reality is that most plugins downsample to 16-bit - and you're going to potentially get more noise out of the conversion than you'd get anywhere else. but, if you can find a legit 24-bit signal path, you're just going to get a lot more calculations on the waveform. more numbers. it doesn't matter when you're capturing something physical because it will reconstruct it the same way. but those calculations are less tied to any kind of reality.

downsampling from 24 to 16 will always create noise, by definition. the way they get around this is "dithering", which is shooting random noise at the target. due to some statistical realities, the noise will become inaudible.

but, it's still there. it's not magically removed, it's just really quiet. there's not any really good reason to introduce this noise. that's not what i'm getting at though...

the idea of moving from 24-bit to 16-bit without losing anything but quantization error is based on the idea of the physical waveform being basically the same. but, you have to be careful. for example: consider moving from 24 to 16 and back to 24. that process is going to convert the extra data into zeroes: it's lost moving down to 24, then just zeroed out moving back up. the dac is going to create a minimal difference, but this is a loss of data.

now, consider the effect of this if all that zeroed out data was run through a set of effects. now, it's not a physical waveform any more. it's a digital creation. and all these ideas about dacs constructing more or less the same wave form are lost in calculation. this is of course along with the dithering process...

in the end, it doesn't really matter in terms of fidelity, it's just a question of maintaining consistency. 24-bit masters should be listened to in 24-bit or higher. 16-bit masters should be listened to in 16-bit or higher. because you're almost always dealing with digital manipulation on the master, downsampling should be avoided  - while upsampling is literally meaningless.

bottom line is this: 1) if you have a 16-bit source (like a cd), it will not sound differently in 24-bit - you're just adding zeroes. even if it was mastered in 24-bit, and downsampled. that data is wiped in the downsample.

2) if you have a 24-bit source, there is technically sound degradation in conversion to 16-bit whether it happens before or after you get it - you're converting data into quantized noise, then removing it through a statistical trick known as dithering. however, you're only going to hear that difference if the source has been dramatically digitally altered in a way that makes the playback "unnatural". convolution reverb would be one way to do this.

3) the way to avoid conversion errors is to avoid conversion. unless you're recording symphonies, 16-bit from start to finish is likely good enough for you. but if you insist on 24-bit, avoid converting to 16-bit as much as possible....

===

i was just thinking about this as i was second guessing mixing decisions. i pointed out that i've played around with it, and...

this is an anecdote. but i think it's worth sharing to demonstrate why the real issue here is downsampling, and why it shouldn't be done.

i recorded one song in at 24/48 and put it through just an army of guitar effects - pods and floor pedals on the way in and on the tracks, parts doubled fifteen times, guitar rig, quadrafuzz, izotope, digital wave mods - it's just stacked with data. at 24/48.

every time i tried to decimate the file (that's a technical term for downsampling from 24/48 to 16/41, which should give you an idea of what you're doing), it came out with a deficit of "air" at the high end, and bits of static interspersed. the problem was actually that the dithering wasn't working well. the blasts of static are what you expect from decimation, as you're destroying data in conversion and forcing the ghost of it out of millions of tiny spaces, but it's supposed to "go away" if you pepper it with random static. i had too many weird numbers in there - too many jagged, digital waveforms - for this trick to work.

what i actually ended up doing was sending the track out of one soundcard at 24/48 and recording it into another one at 16/41. this obviously introduced a little noise in the waveform in transfer, but it wasn't audibly different than what you'd get out of a working decimation/dither. more importantly, it prevented the static and brought back the air - because the computer was able to get the sound via converting to analog and back to digital in 16 bit, without a destructive digital process.

i agree that it's a waste of time from start to finish, but so long as people are releasing things in 24 bit, it helps to have a way to play it back without digitally decimating it - which the fools often do themselves.

if you honestly can't tell the difference between 320 kbps mp3s and flacs of your own tunes, then you're a shitty producer making crappy music and you should get a different career.

there's lots of people that really can't tell. but it's a reflection of how shitty the tracks are, not a reflection of the parity in technology.

hyperbola (reflections mix)

this is the version on the initial reflections ep, which was created by crossfading the forwards version into itself backwards, then splicing it with some isolated fragments. i don't recall the exact date of completion, but it was a little after the initial idea was shelved. track dated to april 22, 2003.

http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hyperbola

hyperbola (instrumental mix)

this version was constructed from the reflections source in april, 2015 by removing the samples and vocal snippets through the technique of subtractive synthesis via phase inversion. track completed april 17, 2015.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hyperbola-instrumental-mix

untitled (album mix)

i'm going to need to spray the apartment this morning, so i didn't want to get too involved in finishing the concerto - not enough time to sit down, let the tubes warm up and get some tracks down. instead, i set up the basics for inri043, which is the next project.

this is the first release under the rules of my new subscription service, which means you won't be able to hear it until it's done. nonetheless, the rss will update...

you'll also notice that i got track five up for the gestating elephant. and it's really a beast of a record. one more track, but not inri043.

inri043 is likely to remain a stranded track. it was remixed for inri051.

inri044 is the last track to complete for the gestating elephant and will take some rime.

inri045 is the gestating elephant and will be completed when inri044 is....

inri046 finally begins period 3, and finally shifts out of 2002 to 2003 - which will certainly be a short year, in comparison to 2001 and 2002. i spent a great deal of 2003 without a formal "home" and without access to recording equipment. most of what i got down didn't become coherent until 2004...

--

this track was initially written as a folk punk song, but i jumped to the scorewriter with it almost immediately. it was initially less about explicitly creating a techno song and more about ordering the parts in a way that could be deconstructed more effectively. i wanted a more flexible approach to production.

i may have gone over this in this space before, but my mixing process up to that point was considerably unconventional. i would record tracks in one by one using a wave editor and then paste them on top of each other. i worked this way because i just didn't have more advanced tools. while there are benefits to this approach (it's additive synthesis, which blurs the mix for soundscaping), it meant that each additional track was destructive. i could not remove tracks once they were added.

i also picked up a copy of cakewalk to help with this, but i quickly learned that my system couldn't really handle it. at around eight tracks, it just became unresponsive. with less than eight tracks, it didn't matter if the mix was destructive because it was easily reconstructed. so, i went back to the wave editor approach until 2007, when i upgraded to a modern pc.

the taiko drum part was initially just to keep time; it wasn't supposed to be a part of the song. but, as i built it up i began to realize how interesting it sounded as a techno tune and sort of ran with it. once i'd notated it, i had to convert the drums into a soundscape because the midi render just wasn't good enough. this was done using a mix of software drum machines, midi snippets and isolated jimmy chamberlain samples. i then performed the score i had notated, with the exception of a few synths which were sequenced back.

the mix never came out well, partly due to ram issues with cakewalk and partly because i got a little pretentious with some of the parts. i was also extremely distracted over this period. i attempted a few different things over late 2002 and early 2003 to try and salvage it for my own purposes, but in the end i shelved it as unworkable.

when i first set up the bandcamp site around 2010, i realized i had a collection of tracks that fit a sort of techno-guitar description and compiled them together under the name "tetris" (jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/tetris). i uploaded an incomplete mix for that project, but it was never really done and i never really felt good about it.

it wasn't until late 2014 that i came back to the track, to authoritatively finish my discography. first, a mix was reconstructed from source to include all of the existing sound files. next, three separate sequencer mixes were sculpted out of the score - a jazz fusion mix, an overture mix and an ambient mix. pieces of these sequencer mixes were then isolated and mixed into the reconstructed original mix. finally, a series of extra lead guitar parts were recorded and mixed separately into a final mix. the recording process for this was very lengthy, which was ironically partly due to consistent distractions.

written over the summer of 2002 and initially recorded in the early fall of 2002. additional recording, production and mixing occurred from dec, 2014 to apr, 2015. track completed on april 13, 2015.

http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-6

well, digital > analog. and lou reed had no idea what he was talking about.

personally? i'm not into this streaming service idea. i want to interact directly with artists. it doesn't matter how this is done, it's just creating a bourgeois layer. in order to pay for the bourgeois layer, you either need to not pay the artists or put prices through the roof. then you're just overcharging to pay marketing departments. and, i think that's the reason they're trying to put an artist face on this. i think they understand this, even if the consuming public doesn't quite understand it quite yet.

these services have some use - as a kind of a library. spotify is great if it's full of pink floyd records. as a way to house new music? i think this has no future. in the long run, it becomes a closed space for major label artists, because independent artists and independent labels abandon it.

i think you want to forget about spotify as a model. i think the future looks more like bandcamp...

it's a step forwards, though. people pay $100/month for cable. that's a more realistic price to make this sustainable. if nobody gets there, or seems willing to move in that direction, then these services all fail.

as an artist, my primary condition for signing up to something like this is that i want an exchange value on a per-second basis written into a contract that is not dependent on revenue. that is, i'd want to lease the rights to the music to the streaming site. and it's not going to be fractions of pennies on the stream. it's going to be between ten and twenty-five cents per stream, depending on it's length. not once. every time you listen to it...

that has to be in writing, irreversibly. not interested? not signing....

and i don't really care how they charge you, either. i might suggest that a minutely rate is a better idea than a flat rate. but i'm carrying out a transaction with the managers of the service, not with the customer. i don't really like it, but that's how i'm forced to look at it. that transaction is for the use of my art. how they sell it is their concern.

a trip to the ufo factory to lift off with noveller

i get silly when i'm tired...

i wasn't able to sleep yesterday morning, and here i am, now, still wide awake. i'm pushing a 40 hour day. which is not that odd for me, but it's been a while. and, certainly, this lack of tiredness at the end of it is a little unsettling.

after some appointments yesterday afternoon on no sleep, and a second failed attempt at it, i rolled out of bed, grabbed the proverbial comb, and stumbled out to explore another new area of detroit: michigan street. the thing you've got to realize about detroit is that it was obviously built by the illuminati, because of the geometry. it's clear as day. hundred mile long roads rotate out of each other at increments of thirty degrees, winding out to suburbs where no bus is allowed to go. michigan st is the fourth option i've taken so far...

of the four, the end point is actually the shortest walk. and, it seems to be the punk rock district. i will be back in this area fairly often.

when one mentions that they attended a show at the ufo club, it's fair game to ask if they played astronomy domine, to which the answer is: fuck off.

"what? not even interstellar overdrive....?"

well, detroit has it's own history - and this place is actually important in it, being across the street from the old tiger stadium. which appears to basically still be there, just fenced off. rumour has it that the likes of babe ruth himself liked to hit a few out of the park at this place. it's a very old building. those days are gone now, but you can kind of still feel them walking up to the bar...

mexican knives are a local act, but i've seen them written up in review sites. those.....hipster (said with somewhat of a plugged nose).....review sites. and, the accusation may be an accurate first impression, but it's not really fair.

hipster is really a different animal than this. it's goofier. it thinks it's more modern, but that's why people with better taste laugh at hipsters, right?

i think something like "generalized punk" is more accurate.

"generalized punk", as i'd put forth it's use, is a kind of amalgam of punk styles, without any concept of time or geography. which is why hipster is a forgivable immediate reaction. for a minute, it's some early dk thing, then it's got a teenage jesus vibe - wait, now it's joy division with...dude is actually strumming like johnny ramone, get out of here...

see, it's not the worst idea to take all these ideas and try and mix them all up. it's better than flat out copying somebody, at least. but it turns into a "who are they now?" game. and, then you're not really listening to what they're doing anymore.

i'll probably see them open at least a second time, and probably a fourth time. they get plenty of gigs. but it needs to be taken to the next level if it wants to really be taken seriously. whatever that means. maybe doing overlapping duelling medleys instead....

"i just gotta tell you what i'm thinking right away while it's fresh: it came to me in a dream, man. the next movement in punk is recursion. i'll come back around to this, i just need to cycle it through my head. it's really spinning."

google recursion. click on "did you mean recursion". those google kids, always playing silly games...

==

so, noveller was the artist i went to see tonight...

i'm generally pretty dismissive/critical of these "think they can play with a loop pedal" types. almost nobody does this well. it almost always instantly turns into fripp does reich - with lobotomies offered in place of 3d glasses.

"now, with free lobotomy!"

noveller's a cut above, though. it's a completely different talent level. the loops are largely atmospheric, and she's setting off more than a few things as they spin around...

she was visibly unhappy with the sound, even stopping a few times. it's hard to believe that she didn't know that tube amps break up a little at high volume. personally, i thought it sounded fine.

she makes a nice - and often rather beautiful - racket. recommended.

here's a full set:

i caught about a half hour of the soft moon, and then left for the bus. i was a little cautious about timing, it being my first time up that way. one of these days, they'll open the tunnel to bicycle traffic. until then, there's no bus service between 1:00 and 4:00, and i'm stuck in detroit if i'm going to stay late. wasn't into that last night...

it turns out i could have stayed an extra twenty minutes, which probably would have nearly closed the set.

i can't say i really regret leaving early, though. the noisy joy division vibe ends up somewhere near late nine inch nails, and i just wasn't nearly drunk enough for it. despite loving noise. and joy division. and early nine inch nails.

it's just really blunt. they've shifted their sound around through different takes of post-punk, and can at times conjure up some decent soundscapes. it's just that there's no subtlety in the writing. that's a problem that no number of sonic facelifts is going to fix.

this is a short clip, but it's pretty accurate.

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2015/04/14.html

i was reading something, and it got me to thinking how hands-off of a parent i would be. like, i'd barely even pay attention. i'd answer questions, make the odd suggestion. but, i'm not interested in living vicariously through my kids or whatever. i'm pretty opposed to hierarchy in general, but i'm really just exceedingly liberal when it comes to raising kids...

that makes me very different than most people my age, who are very conservative on this issue. what would happen if i got stuck raising a kid with one of these control freak nutcases?

well, here's the thing: i might not want to steer, but i'd be absolutely unable to allow the other parent to go full helicopter on any kid of mine. no fucking way, man. i'm going to stand up to tyranny anywhere i see it, and with my own kid? that's....that's personal....

...and it got me to thinking that it would be an excellent television show. well, first i thought it would be a good novel. then i thought it's more of a subplot, just because it needs that randomness to be effective - it would get boring as the dominant focus. but, a tv show...yeah....that's where this really belongs...

it's gotta be rooted in the anarchist's tendency to deliver these over-the-top, eloquent drama queen speeches in favour of delivering the child from tyranny, total enlightenment era language, while the helicopter parent responds in favour of order and grooming...

they've gotta constantly be at each other.

and the twist has to always be that the kid decides in the end, in some kind of vaguely dialectical manner.

"to deny a child the beauty of the forest,
for what? for age?
did you not pick your own berries?
did you not dare your friends to eat the unknown, in case they might be poison?
did you not chase squirrels, and think you smelled skunks and run from imaginary bears?
and did your mother stand over you as you did so?
did she steal your dreams?
did she write the rules of your games?
was she as convinced of your incompetence,
as i am convinced of your tyranny?
the children shall rise, foul madam, and abolish your cruel authority.
and when they do i shall aid them.
solidarity, children!
the fight is ours to win,
should we work together!"

untitled (overdub mix)

this is a bonus mix that only includes aspects of the track added over 2015. it's listed at the end of disc one here, but would not fit on a physical release; it would ideally be attached to the second disc as a hidden track 0 to be "rewound" to, but may appear as a hidden track at the end if i can't get that to work properly. track completed on april 14, 2015.

http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-overdub-mix

rap news 31

i'm going to provide a narrative that is going to drive some people nuts, but it's a reflection of how much nonsense is floating around the resistance movements. you can't forget that we arrived here after decades of slashes to education. the resistance doesn't build or organize anymore. it lacks the knowledge and ability to do this. rather, it sits in the park and demands that the rulers fix it. the reality is that we're as pathetic as they think we are- because they made us that way.

what you're calling austerity is a complex mix of cynicism and failed idealism. there were plenty of people that understood this was inevitable. there were some people that sought to profit from it. but there were enough people that thought this could work to declare it a failed experiment. there are still powerful people that are confused by what they're seeing. it's easy to think it's some master plan. but, it's really just a failed ideology. and the root of it is the way the euro was implemented.

the proper comparison is to the united states, under the gold standard, before the federal reserve. it's a little different, but it's the same basic problem. the austerity is coming from the fact that countries like greece have lost sovereignty over their money supply. when faced with default, they have two choices: spend less, or devalue their currency. but they cannot devalue their currency.

in order for greece and germany to use the same money supply, there has to be some redistribution of resources. in north america, this is actually systemic. the rich provinces and states (like alberta, and california) routinely transfer wealth to the poorer ones (like quebec and west virginia). in europe, it's a scandal - in north america, it's the basis of confederation. this needs to happen as a consequence of using a shared currency, despite having drastically unequal economies.

so long as the euro system continues, these transfers can never end. privatization will merely make things worse. vultures and whatnot. but this isn't a diabolical scheme. it's the result of economic incompetence.

now, here's the funny twist, here: europeans have repeatedly rejected further integration. yet, they want to keep using the euro. you won't hear anybody on the street that gets this. if you put it up for referendum, the popular consensus will be to continue the system that's causing the crisis. because they don't understand what's going on, and the demagogues on the ground are merely confusing things.

in the end, there are three solutions:

1) confederation. under such a system, wealth transfers from germany to the periphery would likely be written into the constitution.
2) abolition of the euro.
3) burn everything down and start over.

everything else that's happening is the result of idiocy run amok....

canada is the master race, we've solved everything - the germans could learn a thing from this.

i mean, i like option 3. but option 1 is most likely.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equalization_payments_in_Canada

untitled (final mix)

this is the final lead-off version of the track, which was built by:

1) remastering the 2002 mix.
2) mixing in orchestrated vst additions (synths and samplers)
3) adding lead guitar parts

track completed april 13, 2015.

http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-5

this track has taken far longer than i could have ever dreaded, but it's turning a corner. it's not going to be the end of inri042, as i have two more ideas to work out. but, at least a final mix is likely to be uploaded within the next 24 hours.

280K again. weird.

you know, yesterday this page had 280,000 hits. today, it has 220,000 hits. it's a little confusing.

now, it's not like i really care, to be honest. the only value that number has to me is as a metric of marketing potential. youtube is not a martketplace - there's nothing for sale. it's a place to advertise things. the store is at bandcamp.

i advertise things here, and sell things there. i'd set up a store at google - they're actually not terrible on paying artists, compared to spotify and others - but they require a wallet account, which requires a credit card. their attempt to monopolize the process has locked me out. i can only shrug, because i think i owe visa something like $15,000 (truth is, i haven't looked at the bill in years...). i'm simply not about to call to ask what i owe them, and if they're willing to give me another card.

so, again, i don't really care.

except that it's nice to watch numbers get bigger. it passed 250K back in march. i was expecting it to get to 300K near the beginning of may. now, who knows - it might shrink back to 0....

the only thing i can think of is that maybe some videos were taken down, but then what's the point?

i've also noticed that they've stopped counting hits on the front page which is just like...

how am i supposed to know how many people visited the page - ie. how effective my youtube advertising has been in driving traffic?

i've got metrics at bandcamp, but it only tells half the story. it doesn't tell me how many people i'm able to get from youtube to bandcamp, which is the point.

i know they don't like the idea of having a "featured track". they want a "channel trailer" to "maximize subscribers". but, i don't get paid for subscribers. there's no self interest in telling people to subscribe. and nobody reads their feed, anyways. i lose subscribers when i upload new videos because they're irritated that i send them notifications. but if you're not interested in the music, why the fuck did you subscribe? am i supposed to care? to tread carefully, so that people that don't care don't unsubscribe? it's a dumb system, and they're leaving us with little choice but to break it. computers aren't tvs and surfers aren't viewers...

so, if they think it's going to modify behaviour.....they're not getting it. i'm not putting the stuff up to maximize hits. i'm cycling around links to the store. the basic traffic direction tactic isn't going to change. it's just that now, i don't know how much traffic i'm getting....

it would be easiest to just put it back the way it was. but, if that's not acceptable for whatever reason, it would be great to get a "channel visits" metric - that is, a metric that documents how many people visit the channel, even if it's just to watch the trailer. that number is far more useful to me than a subscriber count, or watching the hits on my videos increase.

updating the tease for untitled

i've updated the tease. again - i don't like to do this. but this is such a slow process...

this is actually only done up to about 6:25, but i included an extra minute for continuity...

http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-tease-version-two

thunderstorms tonight; seemed like i was being prevented from working. i was supposed to be productive this week. storm is done now, though, so i'm finally back to recording.

just a reminder that i'm working on completing this double ep:

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/untitled

further thoughts on the new gybe! record

that's not me out your window, guys. i'm somewhere back in the brush, sitting under a tree, enjoying a peach, and taking notes on the whole thing from a distance.

the basic premise of more gybe! is a good one. if it's from the heart. but it seems like they're going through the motions. it's maybe hard to blame them, given...everything. fuck, i'd do it. kids. they're expensive.

this is probably a transition disc, and it's probably not going to really make sense until the next one. even if the next one is no disc at all. as an end, it seems cynical. but they've been leaning towards that kind of canterbury improv sound for a while now. recognition tends to hurt bands like this, as they end up thinking every pattern they shit out is gorecki-level brilliant, if they don't just stop caring if it is or not. they'll get the awards. they'll sell out the concerts. it doesn't matter. then they'll go home, and...kids. they're fucking expensive.

these people all have other projects that are closer to their hearts, but this is necessary to allow those projects to happen. and they can't use a different label. they can't retire it out of hallowed respect. the point is that this is the one that markets fawn over. the one that allows everything to continue...

they know it. but, you know. kids.

this is observational, not judgmental. i'm patient. and i trust these boys and girls. so, i'll be quiet and wait for them to finish.

waking up out of an allergy-induced sinus headache haze into something approaching mental clarity really reinforces the magic that is consciousness. it's short. enjoy it.

ugh. this is really totally annoying.

i'm awake. i'm alert. and i'm actually eager. but headaches are the one thing i can't ignore when mixing. any other flu/allergy symptom is whatever. if i had a broken leg, it wouldn't matter. but the headache is irresolvable...it has to pass....

i'm getting something done tonight, at least - i'm taking another chunk out of my old political oriented facebook page. if you came here via youtube, you notice i rant. i used to have a facebook page full of articles and rants over them. but i'm trying to transfer everything off of facebook and on to my own blog. there's at least tens, probably hundreds, of thousands of post there to transfer off...it's going to take a long time to do this and has become my current sick project...

i've been feeling a bit better the last hour or so. we got some rain here today that coincided with the worst of it and seems to have stopped. but it's likely to carry on straight through until saturday.

i'm not wasting tomorrow. if i wake up with my head fucked, i'll go get some antihistamines..

but, for tonight, the quiet hum of electronics is preferable.

thoughts on the new tame impala single

hrmmn.

wonder when there's a new pond disc out...

i'm not sick, it's allergies, and i'm just about useless.

i can handle sniffles, it's this brutal sinus headache that's just totally disabling...

i could get some antihistamines. they've helped in the past. but i don't really know what i'm allergic to so i don't like fucking with it. i'd rather figure out the cause and find some answer than fuck with my immune system like that.

they weren't a problem last year. i'll give it another day or two.

...but i'm pretty sure my immune system works, anyways. yikes.....calm down guys, it's just some dust and pollen and shit...no need to go full retard on me like this...

so, i played around with a few mixes and concluded that there's not enough to make this worthwhile for inri001-inri023. i was thinking that i had a lot of fragments that would mix well, but the reality is that the result is not compelling. it feels like a cheap gimmick. almost none of it is really coherent enough to stand up outside of the context of the work it originally existed in.

however, there's a number of pieces from inri024-inri045 that i'd like to take out. and i may take out a few earlier ones, too. these are alternate mixes, mostly...

so, i'm not getting anything up on this, but i got the idea narrowed down and it's clearer to me where i need to place it in the discography.

i'm working on that ambient works tonight. i'm just a little sick. i know, eh? i'm not sure it will get done tonight, but expect a string of subscriber-only uploads that you can't click through...

nothing will *stay* subscriber-only in the long run. as i complete each section of the discography, it will become available for general sale. but, subscribers will get access to it as soon as it's uploaded, which may be months before it's released for general listening.

i may end up changing this around quite a bit, depending on how the disability works out. if i get long term, i'll probably move everything to subscriber only, make the price cheaper and then use youtube for samples. this will put a block on streaming - act as a paywall, basically. but i think we're collectively learning that streaming is a shitty business model.

this week will be productive.

listen: i can't/won't rush or force. pointless. i have no schedules. i want no schedules. but that was quite the extended holiday and i'm itching to get back...

i felt more like the swans were fluttering around outside, agitating to raise me out of the bar and bring me home to get back to work

i decided at the last minute to catch atom egoyan favourite raised by swans tonight, and all i could think about was how i should be at home working/recording. that's good, for me. it's probably the last show for at least a few weeks.

i wasn't walking in as a fan or anything, it just seemed like something relaxing to sit back and enjoy a beer with...

stylistically, it's very much the current wave of "indie rock", which isn't really a style i have much interest in. but, the record indicated a larger atmospheric influence, both in the joy division sense and the mbv sense. the live presentation seemed to want to minimize this in favour of something more rhythmic, and while that's probably the right marketing decision in a broad sense, it wasn't really what i was looking for.

that's not to say it was bare bones new wave, but i didn't get that wash of effects i went for...

the record is actually pretty good, though, if you prefer your indie rock a little closer to the source: with more exotic melodies, with less predictable pop and with deeper focus on atmospheres.

https://raisedbyswans6.bandcamp.com/album/xnadalur

on the personal story side of it, something i've noticed repeatedly walking home over the last few weeks is that people think i'm a streetwalker. this is odd to me, as i haven't seen any actual streetwalkers in the neighbourhood. i've given out a few smokes to girls walking home that seemed like they were working, but not on the corner sort of thing...

i'm not really sure how to approach this sort of thing. i'm not dressed provocatively. tonight, i was wearing a raincoat and a pair of jeans. the only clue that i'm even female-identifying is my elbow length hair. meaning these johns are driving through the wrong neighbourhood, and getting desperate. what's worrying is that it signifies pretty strong desperation. the only other thing i can think of is that they might be confusing me for somebody.

it wasn't really an issue at all last year. hopefully, they clue in soon that there's nobody around here and go drive in some other neighbourhood.

but, i mean, like...

you gotta wonder what kind of warped experience leads some guys to think girl walking home at night = prostitute. as though it's occam's razor or something.

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2015/04/03.html

i’m certainly anticipating a dispute in the band’s fan base

i caught la dispute last night in a castle...

the masonic temple, in detroit. i'd never been in a structure like this. foundation stones jutting out awkwardly from the ground, warped from a century (centuries?) of weather erosion. elevators from the 30s, when it was cutting-edge technology, that you don't really want to get in; stairways with cracks that you don't really want to walk up. just a slight slant, six floors up - not quite dilapidated, but enough to make you a little claustrophobic and not really keen on rattling the bass. secret entrances everywhere, no doubt leading to scenes from indiana jones films. shit, was that a secret handshake.....?

as clearly impressive and important as this structure may have been decades or centuries ago, it's just as clearly abandoned, now.  if only one could just eliminate the landlords....

the show itself was a bit of an experiment they're doing, in terms of turning their volume down a little. whether the fans are into it or not, i think the band is, and i'd expect it to "stick". i'm going to miss the 'proper show' tonight due to it being sold out, and it's not like i haven't see them play their older material before, but this might be the last chance you get to catch it; this may be the end of la dispute as you know them, and they seem to feel fine about it.

in all honesty, i don't think these kids have really ever identified much as punks, or were ever really interpreted that way. they were really always beatniks trying to exist in a hardcore world, without being forced to adhere to folk music stereotypes. so, this isn't really surprising. and the reality, for me? the reality is i grew up on rem. i grew up on sonic youth. i love these bands. i fucking *miss* these bands. i'm not going to be the person that's going to give them shit for this, as they're not walking outside of my sphere of interest. if anything, they're walking directly into it's center.

but, the thing is these are big boots, if you will. you start conjuring up rem and sonic youth, and you're walking into a world of expectations hitherto unknown to the average mortal rock band. this is the gen x pantheon. and, i'm not sure this band has the chops to get there.

the show was intriguing, if anything because it demonstrated their liabilities. some of the material transferred over well, but the overall impression was that the shift is a work in progress. songs would move forward with little real development and end without any sort of warning. void of the nihilistic context of the distortion cutting out, it left little effect. it's perhaps more literally beatnik, in the sense of raw poetry over haphazard accompaniment. but a castle is not a coffee shop.

if this is something they want to do, i don't want to discourage them. i'm in favour of ambition. and they seem to have lost their guitarist, so it might actually be the most rational path forward to change their sound. but it requires deeper incubation. maybe a bit more maturity. and perhaps a creative spark. hope they get there, eventually.

here is the audio from the night:

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2015/04/02.html

i didn't get home (from screaming females) until what was nearly sunday afternoon, and slept until early monday morning. i decided to do another compost haul monday to see if i could get anything at the target liquidation sale [nothing...], then spent tuesday and most of today doing beginning of the month things [groceries, cleaning, bills]. tomorrow is la dispute at the masonic temple, which i've never been in before. but it's walking distance back to the tunnel, and i don't expect to drink anything except coffee. it's some kind of acoustic set, that will probably focus more on their beatnik-style stuff.

i'm not going to get much done today in terms of recording, but i should be able to get a little writing done and then sit down over the weekend and get a full plan set out for the next part. i think i've mostly got it worked out in my brain, so i think it should actually be relatively quick to get it down. i'm hoping for mid-april...

this track was supposed to be a quick remix, back in december. lol. i am still on the cusp of a good three-four hours of quickly uploaded material, it just doesn't make any sense to jump ahead, given that i don't currently have any direct pressure.

so, i need to request patience. but i know. i'm straining my own...

these shows are actually necessary for me to relax a little. i tend to get a little cabin crazy, and it's actually NOT useful for composing...

i just saw the animal i've been seeing traces of around here for the last few months, but i neither had my glasses nor a camera. it looked like a large black felid, which is confusing me in how i ought to react.

see, there aren't supposed to be large, black felids anywhere around here. it's established that there are cougars in the region, but melanistic cougars aren't supposed to exist; rather, a large, black felid would probably be a jaguar, and this is nowhere near it's historical range. the thing is, though, that people keep seeing them, all over the eastern side of the continent.

it was standing in a back alley, beside a garbage can, about 20 m away and just looking at me. my eyesight is not terrible, but it's not good enough to tell the difference between a large cat, a large dog and a coywolf at 20 m. i just backed away slowly, ensuring i didn't turn my back, like one is supposed to in such an encounter.

given the combination of evidence i have (including it's interest in the garbage can) it seems far more likely that it's a coywolf. if so, i'm not really worried. they sound scary, and everything, but they don't see us a prey source. in fact, they help in the pest control (rats, birds, and especially canada geese) that the city won't carry out anymore.

but i can't shake the fact that it *looked* like a cat. and if it is a cat, it's an obligate carnivore - unlike the coywolves. canids can eat fruit and whatever else is left out. cats need fresh meat, and if that's a cat, it's a big one.

again: the reality is that i have no convincing evidence. the idea of a jaguar hanging out in downtown windsor is patently absurd; if i were on the other side of the phone, i would laugh at anybody calling that in. but i remain concerned about the possible consequences (children being eaten) of ignoring this.

i need to make sure i have my phone on me when i go out...

i mean, if i was confident it was just passing through, then whatever. but it seems to be making a home here.

something i've been thinking about is whether this might be a good "safe place" for a species like this, specifically to raise cubs. big cats like this can move a good distance, and it's really not that far out to areas where there's large amounts of deer. an abandoned house in the city is probably a safer place to leave the cubs.

i know - they'd be detected by now. but they're pretty sneaky, actually.

the screaming females show was a bit of a long night, in ferndale

so, ferndale shows are officially overnights.

it wasn't as much of a tour as the last one and i don't really have a write up. somebody gave me a free ticket when i got there, which cleared up extra money for beer, and i ended up getting a little drunk, which caused me some grief at the overnight donut shop in terms of staying awake. now that the sun is up relatively early, and the temperature is hopefully on the warmer side of things, i actually sort of like the idea of reading overnight. i got through about half of neuromancer, which the prof skipped when i took a course in science fiction back in the day. detroit kind of feels like the sprawl to me. it's just that that means staying awake.

the set was short but solid. i think that's...they self-identify as a punk band. but they have a lot of material, and they're not going to bore anybody by stretching the set out.

the fun part of the night was fun, but it was draining, overall, and i'm glad to finally be able to get some real sleep.

here's a full set from a little later on the same tour:

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2015/03/28.html

banging upstairs literally damaged light fixtures

hi.

i don't know what you're doing up there this morning, but i'm pretty sure i heard some wood snap and the light fixture in the other bedroom was literally knocked out of it's frame as the result of the banging. it sounds like a lot of heavy things have been dropped on to old wood that shouldn't have heavy things dropped on it.

i think i should be able to rescrew the fixture in. but the fixtures belong to you, and i'm supposed to inform you of issues involving them.

but i mean...this is pretty extreme. and the snap was loud; it seems like the joists in the room were damaged, so i'd advise coming down to see the damage - and maybe being a little more careful with these old, rotting floors. between the water damage and the crumbling plaster and everything else, the floors are really taking a lot of stress.

(pause)

i was able to fix the fixture, and there's nothing to see except some chunks of plaster - although it seems like there's a lot of loose chunks of something in the ceiling. like, when you adjust the fixture, you can feel it rolling around in large, loose chunks of something broken.

so, on second thought, i'm not sure there's anything to see.

but it really sounded awful. it wasn't the creak of an old floor. it was more like a stick snapping in a fire.

i mean, these are old floors. if you abuse them enough, they'll give way.

untitled (tease)

this is the first five minutes of the final mix, which remains in progress. i wouldn't normally do this, but it's been a long time between uploads with this track and i expect the slow progress to continue for a few more weeks...

http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-tease

still mixing...

it's that 45 second build. there's just a lot of stuff. i'm coming up on a completion, soon, though....of that section.

i'm starting to realize, though, that i'm not going to be able to cram as much guitars into this as i want. i mean, it's taking forever to get the space just for this. there's a few more fills i'm certain of. i don't want to force anything.

so, i may end up backtracking and deleting the last mix as temporary. it's just going to depend on whether i can actually squeeze some parts in.

if i do that, the orchestral concerto won't be happening, either. which means i'll be working something into an overdub mix.

i've wavered back and forth on this repeatedly. i keep saying that i like the idea and want to make it work. but i keep saying that there's not really space and i don't want to force it.

i'm toying with the idea of stripping it down a little, but then i'm dealing with a different thing entirely.

this would be a lot easier if i were a metal guitarist and didn't give a fuck, but i need to maintain the compositional integrity.

i'm just really not excited about plowing over the last three months of work with a fuzz pedal.

it's gotta actually fit....and there's just a lot to dance around....

i wanted to hit two shows this weekend, but it's becoming clear that it's going to be too fucking cold. i don't need august in march, but it'd be nice to get the overnights above -10 if i'm going to be heading into uncharted territory. if i end up staying in, which is seemingly likely, i think i could plausibly get something done for monday. i hope it warms up soon...

releasing inri003 in the alter-reality

i spent the summer and fall of 1997 programming drum tracks into an ry30, notating them into a tablature program and sequencing them using noteworthy composer. i did not know how i was going to record these tracks. i think i was expecting to use the computer, but that was probably naive; instead, i was gifted a 4-track recording machine. i then spent the next year and a half rearranging and rerecording the songs i programmed over that period. as these tracks were recorded into my pc, they are time stamped...so i have a much clearer understanding of when they were finished.

the jump to incorporating computers into the recording process is something i always wanted to do, it's just that it wasn't really previously feasible. first, there was a learning curve. i was a smart kid, though; the learning curve was just a time concern. the larger problem was simply access to a pc. i did have a pc at my disposal, but it did not have a modem and it was only equipped to run windows 3.1, which basically meant i could run civ 2 and wolfenstein and little else. the windows 95 computer had dial up but it was in a central location for family use.

when we moved across the city, my dad bought a new computer and i happily inherited his old one. this gave me internet access, which allowed me to download some freeware. it also gave me the time i needed to learn how to do certain things.

i'm separating out a handful of my first electronic sound experiments and collecting them together into an ep. what these blasts of noise have in common is that they were constructed on a windows 95 computer out of samples or generated sound and with very primitive software while i was waiting to get some kind of recording equipment. most of it was pasted together meticulously using the windows 95 sound recorder; the rest of it was constructed in cool edit, which i used as a sort of a synthesizer.

for the most part, these weren't really ever meant to be songs. i ended up using them as connectors, introductions, background. "continuity". yet, i find the idea of throwing them together here to be interesting from an autobiographical perspective.

created in mid 1997. sequenced in november, 2013. as always, please use headphones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeRFfBTqlEQ

i'm back to work today.

i actually think i needed the head-clearing, and it should have a positive effect.

wandering a little further into michigan to see torche (and nothing)

the show was in ferndale, which is not a walkable option from downtown, especially not coming back overnight. i'm looking at roughly an hour and a half on a bicycle, even - and not much quicker on a bus dealing with heavy lights and many stops. it seems to be the first sizable suburb moving north out of detroit, but it's amidst so many other suburbs that it's a weird term to use. an inner city suburb. very middle class, nothing gated, or nothing i could see. but, it's by far the deepest into michigan that i've yet been, and i was fully cognizant of the possibility of getting stuck there overnight.

a back of the napkin calculation suggested to me that i'd get to the bus on time if the show ended before midnight, and i figured it likely that local bylaws would shut the stage down at 11:00 or maybe 12:00. so, i was aware of the possibility but didn't think it would really be an issue...

i left early to head down to a record store to get some tickets, which took me a little past ferndale to an area called "royal oak" on maps but that seems to be referred to as "oakland" by residents (judging by the signs everywhere). i spent the long bus ride second guessing michael gira's decisions on his most recent juggernaut, to be kind. overall, it's a satisfying record, but the ego really veers it into bad taste at a few points...

this venue seems to be picking up. i'm guessing it has something to do with the magic stick being in the middle of a construction catastrophe (they're putting in a rail line up woodward), and something to do with bands not wanting to go into wayne county for safety reasons (and the bar is as close as you get to wayne county without going into wayne county), but it also simply needs to be stated that it's a relatively nice rock bar. it's next door to a microbrewery, which has it's pros and cons, which i'll get to. but it's designed like a bar you want to play. and it's ground level, which is so remarkably relieving for me when the bass kicks in....

so, it seems as though i'm going to be at this place relatively often. i just wish it was walking distance back to the tunnel.

i went to pick up four tickets, three at the same bar: torche for the night, screaming females next month, la dispute (at the masonic temple, early april) and lightning bolt in mid april. to my disappointment, they only had the la dispute, and there's actually no way to get tickets in advance for the other two. i'm not really worried about screaming females, but it's a bit small to hold a lightning bolt show in metro detroit. that will likely sell out. i'll have to get there early that day...

royal oak was a surprisingly nice neighbourhood to walk through, with more attended to landscaping and a lot of independent businesses. it almost seemed like i wasn't in detroit, for a few minutes. rather than wait for the bus, i decided to walk back up woodward to the loving touch, which got me most of the way through the new bjork record. it's well crafted, but it's missing colour. it's like a boring, run-of-the-mill mozart composition - mathematically flawless, but just not compelling. i'm really not very impressed by this arca character. he's very cinematic, but he's just not a talented composer in the sense of knowing what notes to put where. it's a shame the orchestrations are so robotic and emotionless, because bjork herself is clearly very emotionally invested in the disc. unfortunately, these kind of execution-level fails in what are otherwise excellently constructed grandiose concept records seem to have come to really define the latter half of her career.

i'm there a half hour early and grab a beer in the bar next door to pass the time.

 -----

the doors open a little late, but when they do open i come face to face with the lack of beer bottles in the venue. this is a problem for a standing room show that is likely to feature some pushing and shoving.

now, the pro is that the beer selection itself is a little nicer, due to the microbrewery next door, even if it's only available on tap. i only tried the raspberry blonde, but it was pretty nice and something i'd drink a second time.

but, one simply cannot stand on the edge of a pit with a glass of beer, no matter how delicious the beer might be. guaranteed spillage. every time. take it to the fucking bank. and, sure enough, the floor quickly became sticky as people tried to mosh with plastic glasses and spilled their beers all over each other like the idiots they obviously are. absolutely predictable, and absolutely predicted the moment i saw there were no bottles.

i get the counter argument - you don't want to give angry, drunken oafs beer bottles to smash each other with. it's better to mop beer off the floor than blood. point taken. but i might take the issue back a step and suggest that you don't want to book bands that attract hooligans. responsible adult punk rockers know how to cradle a bottle in the pit - you don't go in until it's down halfway, then you keep your thumb over the top and cradle it inward, so your arm doesn't get knocked away from your body. you can hardly boost the entrance age to thirty. but you can choose not to book bands of a certain type.

i compromised with a gigantic pbr in a can, which is second best. more spill potential than a bottle, but manageable.

...and i knew it was going to be a long night when i was on my second beer and nobody'd come on before 10:00.

---

armed with a can rather than a cup, i suddenly had the new found confidence to wander on to the floor, and quickly came face to face with an already shitfaced fellow that was astounded that his friend couldn't recognize the music playing in the speakers. now, i acknowledged that i didn't recognize it either, but that i'm an old grunge kid and not a metalhead and that it's consequently out of my sphere. a debate quickly erupted on the merits of metal v punk, which led to him offering to buy me a shot. well, twist my arm. but i'm glad he cashed out, as he was teetering.

the exact transaction took the form of a shifting slew of half-coherent conditional statements, eventually culminating in "if you agree you like king diamond". i met his king diamond with some cardiacs, which he was unfamiliar with. we then agreed upon hawkwind and floyd. i'd yet to confirm the king diamond when the shot hit the counter, which i drowned quickly. well, i met his conditions repeatedly up to that point. fuck, i could have taken his offers cumulatively and demanded seven shots, but i'm just not that person. i did have to admit that i hadn't heard enough king diamond to form an opinion, and promised to check them out.

now, as you know, i'm a guitarist, so i have a little respect for feats of virtuosity - even if i tend to prefer punk (as a broad theme) to metal. but i'm also a composer, so i prioritize compositional complexity over pure virtuosity. one of the problems i have with metal is that the guitar solo is this institutionalized excursion. the song'll be going along like it's going and then, all of a sudden, the band breaks into this standard three chord rock song with a guitar solo that has absolutely no musical connection to the "composition" underlying it. when the solo kicks in, the band tends to stop playing together. it's not satisfying to me.

"cock rock metal's like a bad laxative:
it just don't move me, you know?"

see, i tried to point this out to the guy. if you want to hear some really interesting guitar playing, forget about michael schenker. what you want is al di meola. there's no contradiction in digging punk and upholding the superior musicianship in jazz. that's where you get it all come together. some prog does this well, while the worst of it is really equivalent to the worst metal.

i gave it a quick shot and i don't really hear anything particularly interesting in it. it's pretty generic "heavy metal", with doses of the worst prog (elp, yes, rush). predictable. formulaic. it's off the charts on the cheesy scale. the guitar style was already well worn and cliched by 1986. i'd suggest dream theater over it - their writing is a lot more interesting. but i'd rather listen to something like indricothere, or maybe queen, if you're going to push me on the point.

the first opening band started to play almost immediately after the shot was finished, so i thanked the kind (if smashed) fellow, convinced his friend the guy was done for the night (he needed little convincing) and hit the floor with my can of pbr....

---

now, when you've had what amounts to roughly three beers and you take a shot, you get that bolt of alcohol induced energy - it's not really a drunk feeling, it's more of a high. so, i'm dancing a bit, which kind of stood out in the crowd of slightly portly, rock solid torche fans, and skinny kids moshing. which attracted the presumably universally non-single women in the crowd to join in a little.

i'm not going to deck myself out to go to a torche concert. it's going to be roughly 80% completely straight guys, roughly 10% bearish gay guys and the remainder filled up by girlfriends and freaks. i'd fall into the freak category, contextually. there's going to be mutual repulsion with the brawny queers, and that's fine. and, most of those straight guys are not the type i really want hitting on me. the one that's going to hit on me is pretty much going to be the exact guy i'd prefer to avoid for basically ever. i'm either setting myself up for something creepy or something freaky. when i go to shows on the brink of what could be called 'metal', i consequently tend to dress down in a sweater or t-shirt, with no make-up. i'm there to see the show, and willing to blend in. i also had to be cautious of the safety concerns around the reality that i was hurdling myself into an uncharted area of detroit for the night and not sure how long i was going to be there...

in a dark room, when i start dancing to rock bands, it attracts women. they see a skinny bottled blond dude in a well-laundered grunge outfit. there's a timeless kind of sexiness to this. i understand that; i'm not entirely comfortable with it, but i do get it. the bottom line is that it's repeatably demonstrable. in multiple cities. now, i'm willing to bring another person into my little universe for a few minutes if they knock on the door, i like "fun", but i'm really solely there to see the show and not shy to point out when it's getting annoying, either. and i know single women don't often go to these types of concerts, too. that's not a value judgement, it's just conflict avoidance. the last thing i want is a fight.

there's a number of tactics women will use to try to get my attention when i'm out there, which are mostly variations on standing in front of me and pretending to fall on me. and i've let a few fall when they start pissing me off. but i got a new one last night. it consisted of leaning back so her head is hovering off my chest and pulling her phone out to take a "selfie" that includes the two of us. that gets your attention alright. it was fun to play along and take a few silly poses, but she seemed to want to play that game all night, so i had to point at the stage to get the point across. but somebody out there has got some choice pictures or videos (not sure) of me.....

the first band up was "wrong", which is basically ungoogleable regarding live footage. they weren't terrible, but this is a genre that is at this point defined more by the quality of the gear than it is by the quality of the songwriting. i mean, it's predictable, but you want it to be - you want that groove to set in and your head to get caved. they didn't quite have that oomph. maybe they'll find it if they keep working on it.

https://wrongriff.bandcamp.com/releases


i went out for a smoke break after the first band, hoping to catch a puff somewhere. after four drinks, you really only need one.

the border is not something i'm playing with. ever. it's just not worth it. probability = zero. and i'm not planning on stumbling through customs baked, either. but a puff at 9:00 is going to be indiscernible from a few drinks by the time i get there at 1:00. by that time last night, it was clear i wasn't going home until the morning.

i'll spare the details for good reasons: mission accomplished, amidst universal agreement of the absolute supremacy of canada as a nation state.

call it paranoia, but i didn't finish that pbr after i picked it back up. it just felt like bad news. and i took the opportunity to cut myself off, as well. you really just need one puff...

now, when i got back in the second band (nothing) was setting up and they really cracked me up. i didn't know anything at all about them, but it was pretty clear from looking at them (and their tease of mayonnaise) that it was going to be something more in the indie rock category. they were taking an unusually long time for sound check, which an opening band is usually going to do because they're wasting time to make up for a short set. i mean, the levels are generally already set before the tour starts. and ironing out the room is what soundcheck is for. it was getting exceedingly lengthy, so i called them on it...

"is this really necessary? do you think anybody is going to notice? or are you really just wasting time for a short set? i mean, what is this, some layered guitar effects shit or something? great if it is, but if you need to waste time, like, do a cover or something..."

listen: i'm a critic. and i'm a fucking punk. but i'm altruistic. it was meant constructively. long soundchecks for the second band are bad pr. something in the guitarist's head seemed to click. i think he heard the call out and basically agreed. so if they shorten that up in the future, you're welcome.

next, they realized that the drummer had disappeared and seemed visibly confused by it. but, in hindsight, i think this was a further delay tactic. this comedy finally ended with...

"we'll begin the set when we find our drummer."

this set me into convulsive fits of laughter, largely out of mental projections around the drummer just bailing on them. i have a dark sense of humour. if somebody got it recorded, they'll look back and laugh, too.

so, were they wasting time or really setting levels? i think it was mostly wasting time. it turns out that it's actually some pretty layered guitar shit, but they weren't setting levels on anything of the sort.

this is an old set and it gets the idea across but it doesn't really capture the evolution in the band's style, which has become a lot darker, bleaker and dronier. there's a lot of just flat out noise worked into the set, but it's ultimately a kind of nihilist alt rock. i want to avoid comparisons to the trendy gaze/metal hybrids of the last few years. rather, i'd suspect these guys are giant boris fans. i'd recommend checking them out - if you can handle finishing your beer before the set starts.

this is a full set from a few days later:

torche, on the other hand, just plugged in and started playing - after the tech fixed the bass drum, and they pleaded with management to turn off the neon green lights behind them.

"c'mon, guys. anything but christmas lights."

to no avail.

it was loud, which is really what i came for. bassy loud. the kind of bassy loud that makes you wonder if it's going to leave you with an irregular heartbeat. i've pointed this out in a lot of reviews. i crave that for some reason, it's some kind of addiction.

i'm a passive torche fan, so i'm not going to go into the different renditions of the songs. but they did what they do, and they did it enjoyably....

this is a full set from a few days later:

and, when it was done, it was 1:30. last bus back to canada? 1:09. so, i'm hanging out for a few hours...

my initial plan was to just get a beer or two and sit in the bar, thinking that you're looking at last call around 2:00 and the bar staying open until 4:00. by then, something should be running. but that's not how things work there, apparently. apparently, you're out at 2:00. unless i misunderstood....

after a bit of stumbling up and down the road, i found a 24/7 dunkin' donuts with a bus stop at the front door, which was just about ideal given that i was a little unnerved by the situation. i could sit inside until i saw the bus arrive - which turned out to not be until 5:30.

now, i've sat overnight in a wide variety of fast food restaurants but this was a singular experience. the counter attendant seemed to have a series of long running feuds with almost every customer that walked in, who all complained about how horrible the food and service is. naturally, i asked them why they keep coming back, and the answer - in all cases - reduced to some kind of game. they seemed to see each other as each other's nemesis. they seemed to enjoy being angry at each other, even desire it. free therapy with every order over $4.99?

at least two people seemed to live in the restaurant. one of them would sit in the bathroom for hours at a time, and constantly had to be chased out by staff. he seemed to clear the tables in exchange for compassion. but he was rather visibly in a cycle of some sort. my best guess was that he was trying to extract something from his excretions and then reuse it. he always left the bathroom very clean - like, cleaned - when he came out after a long period in it. he would then go behind the building, snort something, go into convulsions and repeat. it's hard to be judgmental about the drug habits of somebody that is in their 40s or 50s, is under five feet and has a noticeable hunch in his back. there's not a lot of options, there, unfortunately.

a number of people tried to get me out of the restaurant and go somewhere else, and while i'd have to apologize to any sincere requests, i certainly wasn't taking that kind of a chance. i think they were all sincere except one. he comes in, starts chatting me up and explains how he's from texas. then he's from florida. then he's from detroit. he's in town to visit his 20 year old daughter, then he's got a contract; he's on tv, then he's staying in an rv with a propane tank for heat that he needs to jump a barbed wire fence to get to. the story is constantly changing. he's trying to psych me out and failing horrifically. and it becomes clear after a while that he's trying to get me out of there - first when he lures me out with a cigarette, and then when he asks me to go hop the fence with him.

so, how do you get a guy like that away from you? you play down your wealth.

"gee, i wish i had some more cash, i could just take a cab home."
"i live on welfare, actually." <---that one was powerful, you could see his facial expressions twist.

i had a flip-phone on me as a clock. he left very shortly after he realized that was the newest phone i had.

---

so, i finally get on the bus about 5:30. it's a short ride to the station up the street that i could have easily just walked to and caught a bus an hour earlier. i knew that, it's just that i didn't want to miss one by a hair and get stuck for an hour at a sketchy bus station i've never been at. i assumed the buses would be synched, which was actually a wrong assumption...

so, i get off the bus and i hear a request for a smoke coming up behind me. i'll hand them out freely, 'cause i'll ask for them later. but, he wants to talk. detroit is a friendly place on the surface, until you realize how much of the conversation is meant to figure out whether you're a worthwhile target or not.

he's telling me he wants to go to the casino to win enough money to pay his bills for the month. it's about 5:45 am. he managed to get his rent paid, and he's visibly proud about that. but, he figures he can't do anything worthwhile with his last $47, so why not take the chance on it? he's probably going to have to borrow money, anyways. if he loses the $47, he hasn't lost anything worthwhile. if he wins enough to get what he needs for the month, he won't have to borrow anything.

logically, he's right in principle, i'd just question whether putting it into a slot machine is the highest probability option he has. he's probably better off buying a guitar in a pawn shop and finding somewhere to busk, for example. but, i'm not talking about any of this. he's already creeping me out a little.

then, he starts talking about my shoes. coveting them, actually. he's thinking they're $100 shoes - again, badly misperceiving my actual level of wealth. now, he's got on a pair of rainboots that are the size of clown shoes. he explains that they're far too big for him, and he's right. the dude legit needs a new pair of shoes. so, he asks me what size my shoes are...

in a sense, this is like "worst criminal ever" stuff. i'd tell him not to quit his day job, but, y'know. i'm actually wearing a pair of $40 glittery pink converse copies. they're boring skate shoes with some girly sparkles. i lie and tell him they're worth $20, and are size 6.

"wow, my feet aren't that small."

i take a step away...

i'm starting to gather that i'm dealing with a high functioning autistic person with a hormonal inability to comprehend empathy. a clinical psychopath. there's no cure for this. he needs medical attention that the system is unable to provide for him, and he *will* lash out if he's not able to meet his needs.

"hey, do you have a disease?"

i take another step back.

"can i have a sip of your coffee?"

autism confirmed. he's asking about the disease because he wants coffee, rather than something more violent. i'm still keeping my distance...

"i'd rather not share my coffee, i'm sorry."

at this point, he's aware that i'm uncomfortable, which seems to make him uncomfortable, and he walks across the station to chat up somebody else. the bus arrives shortly, and it's uneventful trip home from there...

this was a test run for the overnight; in the future, i'm probably better off staying at something else about half way there and walking to the station to catch the bus right on time. i don't want to spend more time at this station than i need to. the next show at this venue is on saturday, which means either getting out on time or catching the sunday morning bus....at a lovely 8:30 am.

i actually suspect i'll probably get out on time. we'll have to see how that goes, and what the path home looks like.

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2015/03/20.html

torche, tonight, was an adventure. weirdly, so. i'll have a lengthy write-up to do when i wake up.

but the most important part was that i realized when i got home that i'm happy. legitimately. and that i'm lucky to be happy, too.