i'm doing this because i can, now.

here's the embed to all 75 records, inri000-inri074:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3JSjmqp0cbvbF58VKPkic-68bkZZ-4pn

three later projects of unclear catalog numbers have been added to the end, as well.

note that my compromise to using youtube (without ads! ads are gross!) as a distribution mechanism is that the tracks are only available there in what is essentially radio quality. this is entirely intentional, as a push factor to take you to bandcamp to buy the files in cd quality. you might be ok about listening to an ad for socks to get "free music", you might think that's a fair exchange, as i get tossed a 1000th of a cent for it, but i find that distribution system to be revolting and want nothing to do with it. you can have it in shit quality for free - but if you want it in high quality, then please pay me for it.

is there really footage out there of carroll spinney conducting an orchestra as big bird?

if not, there should be. and, i'm sure we could come up with a great program. some messaien, some bits of beethoven's sixth...

but, i almost feel like i should commission myself to do this, as though it needs something more specific that does not yet exist.

the ostrich overture.

with oscar on the cans.

wait for it.

(it could be a while.)

facebook post:

i'm going to need to clean this space up over the next few hours, but the story is that...

i've spent the last year and a bit converting old blogs into pdf files, which sounds like a waste of time, but is tied into the process of building liner notes for rereleases from when i first moved to windsor. i'm almost done the first phase of this, and am going to put the second phase on hold for a later time.

i've been hosting these files in two places: bandcamp (in the form of music journals that you can buy) and noise trade (which offered the files for free, and let you donate an amount, if you want).

bandcamp is very reliable, and i thank them for it. but, within hours of finishing the last major journal update, the noise trade site just up and disappeared. the account continues to exist, and i can change the password, but i can't log into it. it's very weird.

when i signed up for noise trade a few years ago, it was an independent site that allowed for free file sharing. that was my attraction to it. up until now, the only other site that i've had on the internet with a paywall has been bandcamp, which is just a necessity in this awful economic system we exist in - i have to try to sell you something, whether i like it or not. but i try to make everything freely available, as i find ways to try to navigate through the contradictions in our day-to-day lives. i want you to pay me, but i don't. it's frustrating for everybody, but it's unavoidable. i mean, the other option is that i get a job (that is, that i sell my labour, instead) and give my art away for free, but that's kind of giving up on life, in my estimation.

what i want is for you to donate. i want grants, i want benefactors - because i want artistic freedom. i have to deal with the vulgarity of market interactions, i have to reduce things to commodities, because i don't truly have the freedom not to. but, i hate that fact, and i want to find creative ways around it.

noise trade was attractive to me for that reason - it allowed me to sort of escape the commodification of the process, and let you decide if you want to throw money at me in support, or just take the end result for free. it was a good compromise, while it lasted.

shortly after i set the site up, it got bought out by paste magazine and shifted it's hosting to the increasingly dominant amazon. the amount of ads has steadily increased, since, to the point that the site is almost unusable. and, now the site has disappeared, leaving me without an option for free dissemination. i initially sought some kind of explanation before acting further, but, after some reflection, have decided that it doesn't matter - i'd rather separate my art from that kind of profit making machinery, anyways. the site has become gross, to me.

you'll note that i don't tend to post to sites that are ad-supported, facebook being the major exception because it's so ubiquitous. but, i do almost all of my posting at blogs that are ad-free. facebook is just a necessary evil. for now. noise trade snuck the ads in on me while i was distracted, and it's time to get away and burn what was and forget it ever existed.

so, i don't know why the site evaporated, but i don't care - i don't want to interact with a site that is supported by invasive ads, anyways. it's a shame, but whatever. death to paste magazine!

i've spent the last few days trying to figure out how to react and have come to the following solutions.

1) the bandcamp site is sill there, but you can't read books on bandcamp the same way you can stream music. i wish you could - that would be the best answer. you can't, for now. so, i need to put the files up somewhere else, as well.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com

2) i want something more interactive than the google drive share, although i'm going to keep this up for the biggest files. these are just the full blogs for the period i was reconstructing:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NI_sEi1t9NxTeOB9Es3A2Ge8ji4iTXit?usp=sharing

3) i want a way to buy the whole thing, and don't want the overlap on bandcamp, which will hold strictly to the monthly journal format. that's going to be here, at lulu, where there are no file size restrictions:
https://www.lulu.com/search?contributor=jessica+murray

4) i'm going to use smashwords (which has strict file size and other restrictions) for free hosting of smaller files and make use of the interactive features, but i can't use it as a medium to facilitate donations, at least not until they relax their approach a little. i explain a little about this at the profile page.
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/deathtokoalas

5) the best way to donate me money is to avoid these kinds of sites, anyways. i like bandcamp for what it is and would encourage you to support it so we don't lose it; i don't want a future of spotifies and google plays, that would kill off independent music. a site like bandcamp must continue to exist. but, if you share my aversion to market economics and want to just be a benefactor then the best thing to do is just send a donation to death.to.koalas@gmail.com, either over paypal or (even better) or interac. this is how i *really* want this to work - you send me money as a grant, and i put the thing up for free.

i will need to spend the next day or two updating these sites as replacements for the deleted noise trade site, and replacing noise trade links with lulu or smashwords links, as is appropriate.

i don't know what happened, but fuck them and their ads anyways.

so, then, this is the official launch of my smashwords site.

expect me to work this out over the day.

=========

these files are actually my biography, ongoing....

i'm going to go with this site for small files, and let you build them up. for now.

what i'm doing with this site is using it as a place to host the files for free download. so, everything here is going to have to be available for free, which is something i want and can't really find elsewhere. i'm forced to deal with the reality of market transactions whether i like it or not, but i don't produce commodities, and don't want to be treated as though i do. what i need and want is a series of artists grants; i want benefactors to donate me funds to work in freedom, i don't want sales of commodities on a market that are treated legally and taxed like products. that's vulgar, to me.

so, the journals should be available for free, and this is where to get them.

however, realize that the decision is admittedly being spurred by the fact that i can't fill out the tax forms because i live in canada and don't have a tin number. maybe, one day, i might find one. note, though, that if i do find one then i'll also have to increase the price at this site to offset the fact that they're going to take 30% out for taxes - because they're going to treat the transaction like they're taxing a commodity that's being traded over a market, which is gross. most other sites operate on more of a donation format, or allow me to decide how to treat the taxes, in the end.

if you want to donate funds to me, please either donate over paypal or interac at death.to.koalas@gmail.com or go to one of the other sites (preferably bandcamp) to do so. you don't have to agree with me philosophically to understand that i just can't fill out the tax forms on this site and consequently won't get paid if you try to send me money through it.

please also be aware that the site is performing what appears to be minor formatting edits, and i actually don't like that. you will have to download the file in pdf, but they are forcing me to upload it in word. i have properly formatted pdf files, but i can't upload them. it's really absolutely perfectly ridiculous. so, if you want to download them unedited, please try either

1) the bandcamp site in the link for the small files (where they are organized as monthly journals):
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com

or

2) the following lulu site, for the big files, where they will be organized in phases or otherwise presented in much larger chunks of time.
https://www.lulu.com/search?contributor=jessica+murray.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/deathtokoalas

so, i decided this morning (before i fell back asleep....i tend to sleep in 3-4 hour shifts in the summer, and that's fine...) that i'm going to:

(1) see if i can fix the files for the smashwords uploads. if i can't, i'll need to retreat. i don't want broken files available; that's the whole point of what i've been doing for months. but, i think it will be relatively easy, if it just reduces to reformatting the empty white spaces.

(2) remove the pay-what-you-can section from the site, primarily due to the tax issue. due to the various concerns, this does not appear to be a good site to carry out a transaction through. so, the small files will be available at smashwords for free. they were previously available at noise trade for free, so that's not a change.

(3) what is a change is that i'm going to ask you to either go to bandcamp or otherwise just send me money directly through paypal (or over interac) if you want to support me in what i'm doing.

this will allow me to salvage the site.

but, i can't fill out the tax forms, so don't give them money if you want it to actually get to me - it's just going to sit in limbo for who knows how long. go to a site that will actually carry out the transaction. or, just send it right to me.

i've slept on it.

and, i can't salvage the smashwords process, after all.

the idea is that i want an option for you to pay me if you want. you don't have to; it's voluntary. it's more important to me that the files are there than that you pay me for them. but, i want the option to be there....

with this site, there's just too many problems.

even if you were to pay me, i wouldn't get it, because i can't fill out the forms. i've been kind of rationalizing my way through that; i'll figure it out. but, in truth, i probably won't.

then, i've got to boost the price by 30% to offset the taxes that are preventing the funds from flowing in the first place.

then, i've got to deal with the fact that the file are broken, which i might or might not be able to fix, but that i've decided isn't worth trying to resolve.

so, what next? i know i've been over this, but i'm still trying to clarify it in my mind, and the fact that that fucking pig upstairs is smoking isn't helping.

my options are:

1) just leave the small files at the bandcamp music journals, which i've boosted in price mildly to $4/pop. that makes the big files available for free at google drive, and the small files available at bandcamp.
2) also upload the small files to...

no.

i'm going to try to fix it first, dammit. maybe it works. maybe it doesn't.

i'm wishy-washy on this because i really don't like either choice.

let me take a shower and hope the air clears out a little in here when i get back. it's been fucking gross in here all weekend.

no.

the site (smashwords) is breaking the formatting. ugh.

again: why is this so hard? it's daft, truly.

no, get your head around this.

first, it insists that i upload a doc file instead of a pdf file, and then insists on converting it to pdf (you can't download it in word format). then, it breaks the pdf in conversion. but, i converted it to pdf for them.

so, i can upload a working format, which it won't let anybody download. and, i can give them a working conversion of the file format they want to use, which they won't let me upload. instead, they demand i upload a format they won't let anyone download, convert it badly and then only offer the broken conversion.

i don't want to ask people to pay for broken files (especially considering that i have to boost the price to pay the taxes), and if i'm going to put them up for free, you'd might as well just go to a drive share, where they're not broken.

so, is this middle point worthwhile to have available archived?

there's just one thing, and it's a hunch that they may be on to it. the file hasn't been published to my page, yet. are they actually reading through every single file? is that why there's a delay? if they are, they should catch the error.

should i give it a bit, then?

but, this is absurd. why not just let the user upload their own converted pdf file?

yeah, i'm just going to throw it all up to smashwords for free.

fine.

what i'm looking for right this minute is a site that allows pdf previewing. payhip is not that site.

however, it seems to have a 5 gb file maximum, meaning i can upload 4.7 gb isos. 

i have these aleph-discs up that are basically torrents, but i've been forced to try to sell them as physical media due to their size, which i recognize that few people want. i've been waiting for a site that i can essentially upload an iso to. this might be it.

one thing at a time, but let's not forget that.

smashwords wants me to file a tax sheet and take 30% of any "royalties", like i'm some kind of corporation selling a product, rather than a peasant selling art on the digital street. i don't even have tax information to conduct commerce in the united states.

(it's not like i'm going to sell a lot of these things, anyways.)

so, it's looking more and more like it's not worth it.

let me see if i can find a better site, and let me think it through a bit more.

as i don't have a tin number and don't really want to get one, and i'd have to double the price in order to make it worthwhile (in order to pay taxes), i'd might as well just put it up for free, if i do this.

but, i'm leaning more towards just sending you to bandcamp for the monthly entries. the big files are available at the google drive site, so there's no access issues.

that's a shame. this is the kind of thing that shouldn't be taxed. we're talking about $5 transactions at most a few times a year, going to a disabled person.

here's the first link:

https://www.lulu.com/en/ca/shop/jessica-murray/full-first-reconstruction-phase-dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja-blog/ebook/product-qg9g54.html

but, as mentioned, i'm eating first.

ok.

so, when i started publishing chronological versions of these blogs at noise trade, i only had a few files to deal with, and i wasn't sure how this thing would turn out. it seemed like the best option at the time because it allowed for a free download with a suggested price; if the site had ads, i don't remember it...

i don't actually know what paste did to my account, but i kind of don't really care. the site has so many ads on it nowadays that i kind of don't want to direct any traffic there anymore, anyways. i mean, i've gone to such great lengths to keep ads off of my pages; why would i then direct people to a site with ads that somebody else profits from? i don't know if the site will come back or not, but if it does i'll delete it, and they can write that down in their ledger - it simply has too many ads to maintain artistic credibility.

further, i now have a series of large files instead of a couple of small ones, and the initial logic of periodic, sequential release periods has largely collapsed. i almost deleted half of the files the other day, and then decided not to. if i'm redoing this...

so, i'm going to be moving to a combination of lulu & smashwords instead, but i'm also going to be reevaluating how i'm presenting the information.

i initially decided that presenting the downloads in a monthly journal format, a trimesterly format and a series of other compilations would provide for maximum consumer choice. ok, i didn't say it like that, exactly - those are crude words, in truth. but, i made an attempt to present the downloads in as many ways as possible, so that people could decide what they wanted to download.

i'm no longer seeing the value in this. there's too many options, too much overlap, and a lot of it seems pointless, like i'm sticking to a formula for the sake of it.

i have monthly music journals up at bandcamp and have tried to avoid posting compilations there in order to avoid overlap, and also because there isn't a lot of conceptual meaning in posting a yearly or a semesterly music journal if i'm presenting the information by month. rather, it makes more sense to arrange the information by phases, of which there is currently only one, the first reconstruction phase. but, that won't come up to bandcamp until i get it up in the iso, which doesn't even have an aleph-number, and i'm still apprehensive about overlap, in the form of added costs to the full discography download (which nobody has bought yet, but will ultimately be the right way to donate funds to me, once the discography is truly done). so, i don't want to do it like that...

rather, we're going to use lulu for large files, as it seems like the best way to do it. it doesn't allow for previewing, which is a defect, so i've got the files up here, and they will stay there: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NI_sEi1t9NxTeOB9Es3A2Ge8ji4iTXit

however, i'm going to avoid lulu for small files in order to minimize the clutter and instead use smashwords, but i'm going to be strategic about it when i do by trying to squeeze the files between the 15 mb upload limit and the $0.99 minimum price tag. that functionally means that the files are going to need to be more than 100 pages and probably less than 500 pages, although that will depend on the nature of the data in the file. so, instead of having strict monthly journals at smashwords, it's going to be a mix of monthly (music, politics) and semesterly (deathtokoalas), and for the travel blog will only have one entry in the end - for now. these files will also be fluid, rather than static, changing based on what actually makes sense.

if you want the monthly journal, go to bandcamp; if you want the full phase document, go to lulu. if for some reason you want something in between, go to smashwords.

and, after thinking that through and working that out all morning, its what i expect to do for the afternoon - as soon as i get something to eat, first.

this is going to probably take all day to switch over, as i'm going to need to update all of the links across four blogs and two facebook pages. but, i'm done with noise trade. so long.

i'm looking into different e-book hosting sites and everybody wants to convert the file.

i spent a lot of time formatting this. i don't want you to convert it, and i don't want to follow your rules - i just want you to host the file. i'm the creator, not you - i want to be in control. i don't want your convenience. i don't want your advice. i don't want your convention. i just want a server to upload the data to, and a transaction wall attached to it.

also, i want to avoid amazon, which looks like it's going to be hard. i don't see any use in smashing it up, but it would be nice if they could be prevented from buying anything else out. i don't want a baby-amazon, i want an independent service, like bandcamp.

strangely, these services seem to promote putting your book up on amazon as a benefit. what? no...i'd rather not have anything to do with the major labels...

i'm taking a closer look at paste magazine, and the site is clearly supported by intrusive ads. it wasn't like that when i signed up for noise trade, or at least it didn't seem like it was. i don't know what they've done, but i think i'd really rather find somewhere else. it's caught up to me by stealth, but it's actually the kind of site that i usually try to strenuously avoid.

what else is there?

i could upload directly to amazon, but i don't want to.

smashwords has a size limit, amongst other things. i don't mind uploading in doc format, but my files are too big for them, apparently - and they're only going to get bigger. they insist on converting to pdf themselves, and it's doing weird things to the formatting that i don't like. further, they're going to distribute it to the major sites, too. if i could find something that's very much like this, but more hands-off....

kobo wants to convert to epub explicitly, and while i don't mind if you try to convert to these weird formats for your own use (at your own risk), i don't use them myself and don't officially support them. i support .doc and .pdf. it's just going to create a broken output file...

scribd charges a monthly fee, which is a nonstarter.

lulu is...

maybe what i want.

hrmmn.

my noise trade site has kind of evaporated, and i don't know what's going on with it. i've sent an email to the site requesting some further clarification as to why i can't log in and why the files are unavailable.

in the mean time, i've put the files up at a google drive share.

this is temporary, but i don't want the files to be unavailable while i figure out if i'm being censored, or if there's some kind of systems glitch.

i wasn't on noise trade very long before they got bought by paste, but i'm not a fan of paste, and don't particularly like the fact that they're hosting the files on amazon. so, it's not exactly my preferred hosting solution. the question is whether there's anything better out there or not.

i'm not going to whine and bitch and fight with the server mods, i'll just post somewhere else, and encourage people to follow me there. it's just that they haven't communicated with me in any way at all, so i don't actually know what's even going on.

for now, the files are here. enjoy.

and, buy something at bandcamp if you want to throw me some cash.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1NI_sEi1t9NxTeOB9Es3A2Ge8ji4iTXit?usp=sharing

this is the end of this for a while, as i pivot back into period three.

but, here is the complete readable archive of this blog for the first reconstruction phase, from july, 2013 to january, 2014.

the second reconstruction phase ran from february 1, 2014 to the end of june, 2015, when i looped back around to remaster the inri material from source. while the politics and music journal sites are largely reconstructed over this period, i do not intend to get back to rebuilding the travel or dtk blogs in any systematic matter or doing music journal releases until (1) i am in a comfortable flow with the alter-reality and (2) i am finished with period three, which ran roughly from the time i got back from bc in 2003 to the time i moved into the apartment on bronson in 2007. journal releases for the foreseeable future are going to be dated from 1988 or 1989 forwards.

so, that's what's coming up.

but, i need to get through another 11 liner note releases, and update at least inri022, probably others. the coming re-releases are inri031-inri034, inri036-inri041 and inri045.

http://books.noisetrade.com/j/072013-012014-music-journal
https://www.lulu.com/en/ca/shop/jessica-murray/full-first-reconstruction-phase-music-journal/ebook/product-p5v576.html

i've been careful about the cross-reference because the server was acting funny, but it does indeed seem to be ok.

so, here is the noise trade smashwords link for the readable version of the january, 2014 archive of this blog:
http://books.noisetrade.com/j/012014-music-journal
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026654

this is the last one of these for a while. when i started this project several years ago, i never expected it to take this long. i thought it would be something i could do to blow the time as i weaned myself off of a physical nicotine addiction. as it is, it's taken me longer to compile these journals than it did to write them. it's really been absolutely absurd.

i still need to finish the liner notes for the series of rereleases attached to this journal - inri031-inri034, inri036-inri04 & inri045. these will come up in due time. that will end the first reconstruction phase, which documents my move from ottawa to windsor and the initial series of re-releases that happened as soon as i got here. the first release of new recordings (of old material) was in june, 2014. after realizing how time consuming this is, it could be a while before i get back to the second phase.

i need to put this aside asap and get back to actually finishing the recordings. period 3 starts soon.

======

the seventh entry in the music journal series, which is the month of january, 2014 and is 189 pages long. i am not going to summarize the story, but it is available on the web over here: http://musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.com/2014/01/.

this is a compilation of written correspondences that occurred around me over january, 2014. it includes facebook posts, google+ posts, youtube comments discussions and emails with acquaintances, strangers and family members, in an attempt to document the first reconstruction phase of rebuilding my discography, including remastering and (re)publishing inri031, inri032, inri033, inri034, inri036, inri037, inri038, inri039, inri040, inri041 and inri045. the contents of this download are the dummy track, a word doc file and a pdf file, both written in a more readable, chronological ordering. i've also added the respective files for my other three blogs, for general interest, as well as 57 separate txt documents (all html files) that are referenced in the journal.

the events documented in this journal occurred in january, 2014 and were compiled into a narrative in several stages over the years 2014-2020. journal completed, released and finalized in doc and pdf format on june 1, 2020. doc201401.

credits

released February 1, 2014

j - editing, participant

nick austin - participant
jonathan jaeger - participant
uncle elvis - participant
arod13arod - participant
Nickelpitts - participant
DatzWhatsUp - participant
TheStory SoFar - participant
TrulyHorrifying Productions - participant
Erik Paulson - participant
kurtless guhle - participant
danny shuddup - participant
cklin114 - participant
Matt Gaub - participant
Memphis. Methods - participant
Evanya Parker - participant
Nowell Kishimoto - participant
George Porte - participant
Bearslikejaimie - participant
Adam Moscinski - participant

nana - participant
the oldest aunt's wife - participant
mom - participant
jeff - participant
sister - participant
stepmother - participant
the surviving uncle - participant

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/01-2014-music-journal

just to clarify/reiterate/remind what the problem is.

i'm creating these documents in word 2003 because i like the program, because i have a copy of it and because it works just fine. word processing isn't the kind of thing you should have to pay for over and over again. i don't remember where i got the version i have, but somebody paid for it, and that shouldn't expire.

but, i never got used to the office 2007 interface. i was supposed to eventually deal with it, i know; i didn't, and i don't want to now, and i'm never going to. but, they changed the format at the time from .doc to .docx.

this was a substantive change in the way that office files are created. i don't know how the old office files work, but the new office files are using an xml-based architecture that appears to be dramatically different.

unfortunately, converting from .doc to .docx is something that everybody has massive problems with. google, adobe, the free sites and microsoft, too. it breaks the formatting, every time.  sadly, the standard way that doc is converted to pdf seems to implement the conversion to docx as an intermediary step. so, if i go to google docs, it will convert my doc file to a docx file first and then convert it to pdf after, which leaves me with a slew of broken formatting, essentially undoing everything i spent the last month doing.

but, i was able to find a workaround at the microsoft cloud that converted directly from doc to pdf. it's the only free site that has that option, that i'm aware of.

this broke on me this morning, and then righted itself, and then broke again, and then fixed itself again. but, i think i squeezed what i need out...

the issue could of course be resolved by fixing the conversion step. i'm labeling it as unnecessary and trying to just avoid it, but if they'd just fucking fix it, it wouldn't be a problem.

regardless, that's something that should be made clear - any .doc file that you download from me will lose it's formatting when converted to .docx format, so you should try to open it in a version of word that lets you open it natively, without having to convert it to xml.

ok.

i think i got it. i had to mess around with a few things, and i may have even just gotten it to avoid the conversion by accident. !.

it's going to be an extra slow process of double checking, so i might not have these finalized for a few more hours, but i think i got what i wanted downloaded and it's just a matter of time before i get these links up.

finally.

ugh.

microsoft has undone my trick. it won't convert directly from doc to pdf. and the other site i was using wants a credit card, now, because i'm browsing incognito (and can't turn it off).

i don't have access to a newer version of ms word and don't want to pay for it. on top of that, i just don't like the user interface in the new word.

we might have to just not have pdf files, anymore, if nobody is going to let me convert from doc to pdf.

but, why is this happening? i had a method worked out, and they broke it. twice...