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Sunday, May 31, 2020
again: i slept all day. and, i wish i knew why i'm so physically exhausted recently.
it's cold in here and it's cold outside, and i think that's a big part of it. i felt better last week when the humidity briefly peaked, and i feel better wrapped up in a hot blanket where i can sweat. so, that's really what i've been doing all day - trying to escape the cold by hiding in a hot blanket. it's going to warm up tomorrow, finally.
but, whether it's the weather or something else, i feel tense and frustrated and depressed and angry, and it's been constant now for weeks and i don't really understand it. i have a lot of work to do, but i'm not able to do it because i'm not able to mentally focus.
the best way to describe the situation is that i feel like i'm on drugs, but i'm not doing any drugs, so i don't....
let's just hope it gets better.
i'm going to try to wake up, take a shower, get my hydration up and get to finishing this up.
it's cold in here and it's cold outside, and i think that's a big part of it. i felt better last week when the humidity briefly peaked, and i feel better wrapped up in a hot blanket where i can sweat. so, that's really what i've been doing all day - trying to escape the cold by hiding in a hot blanket. it's going to warm up tomorrow, finally.
but, whether it's the weather or something else, i feel tense and frustrated and depressed and angry, and it's been constant now for weeks and i don't really understand it. i have a lot of work to do, but i'm not able to do it because i'm not able to mentally focus.
the best way to describe the situation is that i feel like i'm on drugs, but i'm not doing any drugs, so i don't....
let's just hope it gets better.
i'm going to try to wake up, take a shower, get my hydration up and get to finishing this up.
Saturday, May 30, 2020
so, i've been sleepy since wednesday morning and have largely blown the last few days. i mean, i've been working at it, but i've only gotten a few hours done.
the temperature crashed by ten degrees celsius yesterday afternoon, which messed with me, and we're getting a cold and gross weekend. i'm not going to ask for the heat to come on, but it's cold in here, and it really sucks.
i've already used the stove a few times, and i'm going to have to take...i'm probably going to have to shower a few times to warm up. it's just the facts of it.
i've got one last section to cross-reference, and it could really, honestly be done by the morning, or by the afternoon.
the temperature crashed by ten degrees celsius yesterday afternoon, which messed with me, and we're getting a cold and gross weekend. i'm not going to ask for the heat to come on, but it's cold in here, and it really sucks.
i've already used the stove a few times, and i'm going to have to take...i'm probably going to have to shower a few times to warm up. it's just the facts of it.
i've got one last section to cross-reference, and it could really, honestly be done by the morning, or by the afternoon.
Thursday, May 28, 2020
i need to be able to sweat in the summer.
it's so weird and unnatural - and unhealthy - to stop yourself from sweating. i don't understand why anybody would do such a weird thing to their environment and their body...
i guess it's a male thing, in the end, isn't it? men are taught to bottle everything up inside - their emotions, their feelings, and, i guess, their sweat, too.
but, they need to let it out.
they need to relearn to cry and stink at the same time, it would seem.
but, i don't want to turn off my glands - i want to sweat. and i will.
it's so weird and unnatural - and unhealthy - to stop yourself from sweating. i don't understand why anybody would do such a weird thing to their environment and their body...
i guess it's a male thing, in the end, isn't it? men are taught to bottle everything up inside - their emotions, their feelings, and, i guess, their sweat, too.
but, they need to let it out.
they need to relearn to cry and stink at the same time, it would seem.
but, i don't want to turn off my glands - i want to sweat. and i will.
i was feeling better earlier in the week when the humidity first came in and warmed the place up, but i've been tired and having difficulty focusing over the last few days, as the machines upstairs have adjusted. i'm going to keep the windows open as the humidity falls, in order to short them out. if i'm stuck with cooler air one way or the other, i'd rather have fresh air from outside than dry air from the refrigerants.
it's different this year. last year, i was able to get outside quite a bit, so that when i did come in, i didn't notice the air as much. this year, i'm going to be inside for 98 out of 100 days and i'm going to need to find ways to acclimatize the surroundings. otherwise, i'm just going to sleep all summer as i hide from the air under hot blankets, and i don't want to do that.
for right now, i'm going to try to warm the place up by using the stove and then taking a hot shower. hopefully, i'll be more alert and focused when i get out of it.
it's different this year. last year, i was able to get outside quite a bit, so that when i did come in, i didn't notice the air as much. this year, i'm going to be inside for 98 out of 100 days and i'm going to need to find ways to acclimatize the surroundings. otherwise, i'm just going to sleep all summer as i hide from the air under hot blankets, and i don't want to do that.
for right now, i'm going to try to warm the place up by using the stove and then taking a hot shower. hopefully, i'll be more alert and focused when i get out of it.
Wednesday, May 27, 2020
i'm halfway done the final cross-reference, if measured chronologically. however, it's closer to being two thirds of the way done, if measured in terms of amount of content - more than that, really, because a lot of the posts left are very lengthy, and the remaining process is about running the 'compare' program in notepad++.
i might get this finished by noon.
right now, i'm stopping to eat.
i might get this finished by noon.
right now, i'm stopping to eat.
Monday, May 25, 2020
Sunday, May 24, 2020
that took longer than i wanted to because the 90s laptop is soooo sloooow, but i downloaded all four of the blogs to usb, and will be able to cross-reference them properly tonight.
it is, counter-intuitively, exceedingly cold in here. what i've done is open the windows, but it's only half-effective because so much of the problem appears to be in the piping. it's some kind of italian cooling system, or something - it's based on the weeping tiles. i'm sure of that...
so, it's 40 degrees outside and i'm wearing a sweater :(.
i don't have screens on the windows, but if i'm stuck inside all summer then i'm going to need to find a way to get some. i can probably just get a roll of something at home hardware next time i'm out.
for now, what i've done is tape over the windows and then poke holes in them. my first attempt wasn't enough, so i poked a whole bunch more in them. it's a balancing act - i want enough holes to let the hot air in, while still keeping the bugs out. i'm hoping the tape helps.
that should be stable for the next week or so. i won't be out again until the weather cools down a little.
for now, i'm overdue on a shower, but i'm starving, so i'm going to eat first.
there is a distinct possibility that there may be some uploads before sunrise. we'll see.
it is, counter-intuitively, exceedingly cold in here. what i've done is open the windows, but it's only half-effective because so much of the problem appears to be in the piping. it's some kind of italian cooling system, or something - it's based on the weeping tiles. i'm sure of that...
so, it's 40 degrees outside and i'm wearing a sweater :(.
i don't have screens on the windows, but if i'm stuck inside all summer then i'm going to need to find a way to get some. i can probably just get a roll of something at home hardware next time i'm out.
for now, what i've done is tape over the windows and then poke holes in them. my first attempt wasn't enough, so i poked a whole bunch more in them. it's a balancing act - i want enough holes to let the hot air in, while still keeping the bugs out. i'm hoping the tape helps.
that should be stable for the next week or so. i won't be out again until the weather cools down a little.
for now, i'm overdue on a shower, but i'm starving, so i'm going to eat first.
there is a distinct possibility that there may be some uploads before sunrise. we'll see.
so, the rebuild is done, and i need a nap.
i'll need to cross-reference everything, but it looks like the politics archive is coming in around 230 pages, while the music document is coming in around 175. deathtokoalas is coming in around 90 pages. and, the travel blog is very short, as will be the norm.
let's hope i can get this published in the next 24 hours.
i'll need to cross-reference everything, but it looks like the politics archive is coming in around 230 pages, while the music document is coming in around 175. deathtokoalas is coming in around 90 pages. and, the travel blog is very short, as will be the norm.
let's hope i can get this published in the next 24 hours.
Saturday, May 23, 2020
is there a connection between the rise of neo-liberalism (and the marketization and productification of everything) and a reality where undercover police officers legally smoke drugs in the house that they're supposed to be on a stakeout in, thereby pissing off the largely straight-edge yet supposedly dangerous radical that they're supposed to be spying on - and that knows they're being spied on because they can fucking smell the dirty, fucking pig smoking up?
i'm sorry if you don't see it, actually.
i'm sorry if you don't see it, actually.
i've had an absolutely terrible night, full of yelling and screaming at the disgusting pig upstairs. i just kind of snapped. i guess the pot tripped my cortisol levels and pushed me into an anxiety attack.....
i simply don't want to be dealing with migraines all of the time, and i know that the second-hand smoke is what's causing them. on top of that, i was trying to do laundry. what could be more frustrating and disgusting than dealing with unwanted second-hand smoke in your own home, when you're doing laundry? the point of laundry is to get rid of the stink, after all.
she seems to have stopped, but who knows for how long.
so, i'm going to stop to eat, and get back to finishing up the journal afterwards, after that detour through the playlist, which is something i'd been wanting to do for a while but kept putting off.
i simply don't want to be dealing with migraines all of the time, and i know that the second-hand smoke is what's causing them. on top of that, i was trying to do laundry. what could be more frustrating and disgusting than dealing with unwanted second-hand smoke in your own home, when you're doing laundry? the point of laundry is to get rid of the stink, after all.
she seems to have stopped, but who knows for how long.
so, i'm going to stop to eat, and get back to finishing up the journal afterwards, after that detour through the playlist, which is something i'd been wanting to do for a while but kept putting off.
Wednesday, May 20, 2020
maybe i'm very emotionally and sexually immature, but i simply could not deal with being cheated on. it tore me up inside, over and over again; i simply wasn't able to deal with it.
i never tried to tell her what to do. remotely. i made no attempt to interfere with her decision making, and fully respected her bodily autonomy.
but, i had to get up and walk out because it was just ripping me apart, and the fact that my decision was final was very much centered in the fact that i never wanted to feel like that ever again.
i never tried to tell her what to do. remotely. i made no attempt to interfere with her decision making, and fully respected her bodily autonomy.
but, i had to get up and walk out because it was just ripping me apart, and the fact that my decision was final was very much centered in the fact that i never wanted to feel like that ever again.
listen...
i dumped sarah in late 2004 and moved out unilaterally in very early 2005. she was cheating on me and refused to stop; she wanted an open relationship, and i said 'no' and i walked out on her.
she couldn't pay the rent, and ended up homeless. so, she ended up at my apartment, and i told her 'no'.
but, we maintained a friendship of varying distance from 2004 to about 2010 or so that involved going for coffee from time to time, and meeting up for walks. and, yes - we were still having sex for quite a while after.
around 2010 or so, she decided she didn't want to talk to me anymore. i never really got a straight answer, and i've gone through various hypotheses, but as far as i can tell, she rejected me because she decided i was gay. and, after almost ten years of a friendship that was very important to me (she's the only person i've ever had sex with), i reacted very badly to that. i valued her friendship very strongly, and hoped to maintain it forever.
but, i've never had any interest in rekindling any sort of romantic relationship with her, at all, and any suggestions otherwise are just flat out wrong - something that i think she actually understands. if anything, she seems to be mad at me because i don't want to get back together with her. but, the decision i made in late 2004 was permanent, and i've held to it as closely as i can. she's had two children, since then - something that i've tried to be emotionally supportive of, but that i ultimately can't and won't accept in any official capacity. she asked me to be her first child's godparent, and i turned it down.
at this point, it's been so long that trying to rebuild some kind of a friendship seems pointless. that's something that makes me sad, certainly - that was perhaps the only friendship that i've ever had that i very much wanted to maintain.
but, the fact is that i dumped her a long time ago, and i've made no attempt at all to win her back since.
i hope that point is as clear as it can be - and it can't be very clear from a distance, i get that.
i dumped sarah in late 2004 and moved out unilaterally in very early 2005. she was cheating on me and refused to stop; she wanted an open relationship, and i said 'no' and i walked out on her.
she couldn't pay the rent, and ended up homeless. so, she ended up at my apartment, and i told her 'no'.
but, we maintained a friendship of varying distance from 2004 to about 2010 or so that involved going for coffee from time to time, and meeting up for walks. and, yes - we were still having sex for quite a while after.
around 2010 or so, she decided she didn't want to talk to me anymore. i never really got a straight answer, and i've gone through various hypotheses, but as far as i can tell, she rejected me because she decided i was gay. and, after almost ten years of a friendship that was very important to me (she's the only person i've ever had sex with), i reacted very badly to that. i valued her friendship very strongly, and hoped to maintain it forever.
but, i've never had any interest in rekindling any sort of romantic relationship with her, at all, and any suggestions otherwise are just flat out wrong - something that i think she actually understands. if anything, she seems to be mad at me because i don't want to get back together with her. but, the decision i made in late 2004 was permanent, and i've held to it as closely as i can. she's had two children, since then - something that i've tried to be emotionally supportive of, but that i ultimately can't and won't accept in any official capacity. she asked me to be her first child's godparent, and i turned it down.
at this point, it's been so long that trying to rebuild some kind of a friendship seems pointless. that's something that makes me sad, certainly - that was perhaps the only friendship that i've ever had that i very much wanted to maintain.
but, the fact is that i dumped her a long time ago, and i've made no attempt at all to win her back since.
i hope that point is as clear as it can be - and it can't be very clear from a distance, i get that.
Tuesday, May 19, 2020
so, we're done up until the 25th, and it's time to stop to eat.
after i finish eating, i will have one more segment to complete before i can start posting this and moving on to the next thing, which is filing a complaint against the divisional court judge in federal court, and just generally checking up on the court stuff.
after that, i will need to work through the various liner notes for all of those records that i released or re-released over january, 2014. and, then, i can finally pivot to period three.
after i finish eating, i will have one more segment to complete before i can start posting this and moving on to the next thing, which is filing a complaint against the divisional court judge in federal court, and just generally checking up on the court stuff.
after that, i will need to work through the various liner notes for all of those records that i released or re-released over january, 2014. and, then, i can finally pivot to period three.
Monday, May 18, 2020
i was almost feeling normal yesterday for a bit, before the heater turned back on.
i'm not depressed. i'm just dehydrated. the chemical i'm not getting enough of is water. and, i've done enough of an experiment to convince myself of it.
we could still get some downpours, but the scary system coming in seems to have broken up just south of the border and looked something more like this when it get here:
i succeeded in getting the humidity in here up on saturday to a point where i felt healthy, but what i had to do in order to do it was pretty insane - i had to run the shower nonstop for hours, while continually washing my face. i'd have to essentially sit in a sauna for six hours a day. i can't do that on a daily basis.
the forecast was a tease last week, but it looks like we should finally get some more humid weather soon, and i can only hope it clicks into place for a nice, long humid summer so i don't have to constantly run the shower to offset the desiccation...
but, i mean, if i'm inside all summer, and the air kicks in, that's the reality of what's going to happen. i'm not going to sit in here and shiver in dry, cold air, with shit all over my face. the shower is going to be running nonstop so i can clean myself...
for now, i'm going to finish a few things up this morning before i get back to running the hot water for a few hours to try and undo the heaters, and hope it works.
i'm not depressed. i'm just dehydrated. the chemical i'm not getting enough of is water. and, i've done enough of an experiment to convince myself of it.
we could still get some downpours, but the scary system coming in seems to have broken up just south of the border and looked something more like this when it get here:
i succeeded in getting the humidity in here up on saturday to a point where i felt healthy, but what i had to do in order to do it was pretty insane - i had to run the shower nonstop for hours, while continually washing my face. i'd have to essentially sit in a sauna for six hours a day. i can't do that on a daily basis.
the forecast was a tease last week, but it looks like we should finally get some more humid weather soon, and i can only hope it clicks into place for a nice, long humid summer so i don't have to constantly run the shower to offset the desiccation...
but, i mean, if i'm inside all summer, and the air kicks in, that's the reality of what's going to happen. i'm not going to sit in here and shiver in dry, cold air, with shit all over my face. the shower is going to be running nonstop so i can clean myself...
for now, i'm going to finish a few things up this morning before i get back to running the hot water for a few hours to try and undo the heaters, and hope it works.
Sunday, May 17, 2020
your body is just a computer; there's no magic, no mystery, no woo, nothing out there to try to grasp on to.
if it's malfunctioning, it's missing some chemical, and can be fixed by taking some drug. fine.
but, you need to prove to me what's wrong, first. i'm not interested in just randomly guessing. i don't want to experiment around my consciousness.
i want to be pragmatic about this: do the test, tell me the answer and give me the fix.
if it's malfunctioning, it's missing some chemical, and can be fixed by taking some drug. fine.
but, you need to prove to me what's wrong, first. i'm not interested in just randomly guessing. i don't want to experiment around my consciousness.
i want to be pragmatic about this: do the test, tell me the answer and give me the fix.
and, just to clarify the point regarding what it is that i'm ingesting, and how it might affect my alertness.
- i don't drink at home, and never have. as promised, i haven't touched that 26er of vodka since i left on mar 12th, and don't expect to touch it again until i get to another show. i have no interest, whatsoever, in drinking by myself.
- it was april 13th when i finished the quarter of marijuana i bought about a week earlier. i will generally smoke at home at most twice a year, meaning i might buy some more in july. i have no interest, whatsoever, in being stoned right now.
- my coffee intake has increased, but it appears to be diminishing returns.
- i bummed a few smokes when i was last out on may 5th. it was like two or three, all day. before that, i bummed a few smokes when i was last out on april 15th. i may bum a few more when i go out to get my pills next week. i have no intention of buying a pack of smokes any time soon.
- i'm taking 8 mg of estrogen, 5 mg of medroxyprogesterone and 100 mg of cyproterone acetate, daily. i would not expect these drugs to make me tired, and they never have in the past.
- i don't drink at home, and never have. as promised, i haven't touched that 26er of vodka since i left on mar 12th, and don't expect to touch it again until i get to another show. i have no interest, whatsoever, in drinking by myself.
- it was april 13th when i finished the quarter of marijuana i bought about a week earlier. i will generally smoke at home at most twice a year, meaning i might buy some more in july. i have no interest, whatsoever, in being stoned right now.
- my coffee intake has increased, but it appears to be diminishing returns.
- i bummed a few smokes when i was last out on may 5th. it was like two or three, all day. before that, i bummed a few smokes when i was last out on april 15th. i may bum a few more when i go out to get my pills next week. i have no intention of buying a pack of smokes any time soon.
- i'm taking 8 mg of estrogen, 5 mg of medroxyprogesterone and 100 mg of cyproterone acetate, daily. i would not expect these drugs to make me tired, and they never have in the past.
maybe i'm misunderstanding the concept of depression...
i always thought that depression was a mental outlook, essentially a decision to adopt a negative mindframe. now, understand that i reject the negative v positive dichotomy; i label myself a realist, and don't have a lot of patience for positivity. a proper dialectic erects realism as a synthesis, and that's how i've always thought, even if i haven't always been able to articulate it that way. i want to measure the amount of water in the glass, and present an objectively true statement about it - i don't care about your opinion of how much water is in the glass, and will tell you to fuck off for trying to push it down on me.
but, i've always understood depression as the physical consequence of making a decision to be negative. i've generally rejected that as inconsequential, by rejecting the idea that the subjectivity of existence is important.
but, what if depression instead arises from hormonal conditions that you can't control, and the condition is a consequence of being tired all of the time?
what i'm trying to get across is that i am, uncharacteristically, actually feeling pretty bummed out right now, but the causality is reversed - i'm depressed because i'm tired and unproductive, not the other way around.
i don't want to be depressed and unproductive, i want to be alert and focused. the root cause is that i'm so fucking tired. so, how do i eliminate the physical tiredness? that will make me more alert & more productive, and therefore less depressed about being tired.
i've wondered repeatedly if i'm being drugged, somehow. did they put me on anti-depressants against my will? i wonder if i'm reacting to something they prescribed me, without telling me. all i can do is point out that i feel like i'm being drugged, and that, if i am, it's the cause of the problem.
i've never felt like this in years past, i've always been an unflappable person. i've usually been an insomniac, not somebody that's unable to stay awake. so, something has clearly changed in my body chemistry, and i wish i understood what it was so that i could reverse it and go back to being alert, awake and productive, rather than tired and sluggish and depressed all of the time.
if i'm the victim of some kind of experiment, please stop. it's making things infinitely worse...
i just want coffee and free time. that's all i need to be happy. really.
how much does cocaine even cost, anyways? i don't actually even know.
i'm only half joking...
i keep arguing that i'm not depressed, and i don't feel that i'm depressed on an intellectual level. i'm not sad, i don't hate my life, i don't want drugs to numb the pain, etc. but, if the argument is that depression is something physical, maybe i'm deluding myself.
is it possible to be a relatively happy person with a positive outlook on life, but be crippled by the physicality of depression?
i want to drink a gallon of coffee, but it's not working. it's just giving me acid reflux.
i dunno.
maybe i should start smoking again. it seems like my productivity has completely collapsed, since i quit.
*sigh*.
how do i wake up?
i'm only half joking...
i keep arguing that i'm not depressed, and i don't feel that i'm depressed on an intellectual level. i'm not sad, i don't hate my life, i don't want drugs to numb the pain, etc. but, if the argument is that depression is something physical, maybe i'm deluding myself.
is it possible to be a relatively happy person with a positive outlook on life, but be crippled by the physicality of depression?
i want to drink a gallon of coffee, but it's not working. it's just giving me acid reflux.
i dunno.
maybe i should start smoking again. it seems like my productivity has completely collapsed, since i quit.
*sigh*.
how do i wake up?
it seems persistent - every time i sit down to try to get some work down, i end up so tired that i can't even move, and unable to do anything besides sleep.
there's a large rain storm moving through here. i am well aware of the reality that i'm hypersensitive to the weather.
this is the third weekend in a row that i wanted to be productive, but that it seems like is going to be wasted. but, i don't think i'll be able to do anything but sleep it off, and hope things get better mid-week.
i still need to file a formal complaint against this judge in federal court. hopefully, the situation will clarify itself over the next few days. but, that's the first thing i'll need to do, once i get this rebuild finished with.
for now, it looks like i'm going to sleep. and sleep. and sleep....
and i hate it :(.
i never want to sleep ever again.
there's a large rain storm moving through here. i am well aware of the reality that i'm hypersensitive to the weather.
this is the third weekend in a row that i wanted to be productive, but that it seems like is going to be wasted. but, i don't think i'll be able to do anything but sleep it off, and hope things get better mid-week.
i still need to file a formal complaint against this judge in federal court. hopefully, the situation will clarify itself over the next few days. but, that's the first thing i'll need to do, once i get this rebuild finished with.
for now, it looks like i'm going to sleep. and sleep. and sleep....
and i hate it :(.
i never want to sleep ever again.
Saturday, May 16, 2020
the hourly forecast looks less scary than the news reports, but i don't expect to leave the house until after the storm lifts, so we'll have to see how bad it gets from inside. they're calling for 50-100 mm in the region, but it looks like i'm going to be on the lower end of that, and it looks like it's going to take a long time to pass through. so, let's hope it's not that bad.
yesterday was unfocused. but, i think i'm ready to be super productive tonight. i want this done by monday...
yesterday was unfocused. but, i think i'm ready to be super productive tonight. i want this done by monday...
Friday, May 15, 2020
so, i got a first pass finished this morning, but it's so dry in here that i'm literally bleeding. i'm hoping the temperature outside has stabilized from that freak cold snap, so that i can begin the process of bringing the humidity levels inside up to something more normal. and, i think i'm feeling better already, but let's hope it's not fleeting.
so, i guess i blew the whole week, but let's hope that things renormalize themselves a bit better from here on in.
i'm going to stop to do some cleaning and just generally run the hot water for the next several hours.
i still need to rebuild the appspot portion of the site into the blogger front-end, because all of the files that i built up at the beginning of the month seem to have strangely disappeared. there's also going to be a cross-referencing phase.
but, the bulk of it is done, and i would expect to be able to publish it by monday.
i think there's a cop upstairs, but the property owner is technically not home and hasn't been for months. so, let's hope we can avoid the air conditioner for most of the year...
so, i guess i blew the whole week, but let's hope that things renormalize themselves a bit better from here on in.
i'm going to stop to do some cleaning and just generally run the hot water for the next several hours.
i still need to rebuild the appspot portion of the site into the blogger front-end, because all of the files that i built up at the beginning of the month seem to have strangely disappeared. there's also going to be a cross-referencing phase.
but, the bulk of it is done, and i would expect to be able to publish it by monday.
i think there's a cop upstairs, but the property owner is technically not home and hasn't been for months. so, let's hope we can avoid the air conditioner for most of the year...
Thursday, May 14, 2020
dark green snot, huh?
is that good or bad, in context?
i'm just tired, really. and, i'm honestly not particularly concerned about this; i shouldn't have much of a problem with it. i just want to be sure i'm not taking it too lightly.
i do want to beat this thing on my own; i won't accept a vaccine for a weak virus. so, if i finally picked it up last week, that's a good thing. i just want to be sure i'm being fully evidence-based.
is that good or bad, in context?
i'm just tired, really. and, i'm honestly not particularly concerned about this; i shouldn't have much of a problem with it. i just want to be sure i'm not taking it too lightly.
i do want to beat this thing on my own; i won't accept a vaccine for a weak virus. so, if i finally picked it up last week, that's a good thing. i just want to be sure i'm being fully evidence-based.
i was only coughing for a few hours last week, and i'm sure i was reacting to pollution. i have had no vascular issues since.
i don't have any other symptoms; i'm just extraordinarily tired, and my head feels like it's going to explode, and has since the start of the month.
it feels more like an environmentally-induced migraine than a virus. but, if i start coughing again, i'll call somebody. promise.
i'm really hoping this lifts with the cold front.
i don't have any other symptoms; i'm just extraordinarily tired, and my head feels like it's going to explode, and has since the start of the month.
it feels more like an environmentally-induced migraine than a virus. but, if i start coughing again, i'll call somebody. promise.
i'm really hoping this lifts with the cold front.
i'm really, really hoping that these short days and blurry realities are over after today.
i smelled something burning last night that...it smelled like chinese food, actually. egg rolls. is there a drug that smells like egg rolls? or did somebody just get chinese?
whatever it was, it gave me a headache, and i just can't stay awake. this sucks....
i smelled something burning last night that...it smelled like chinese food, actually. egg rolls. is there a drug that smells like egg rolls? or did somebody just get chinese?
whatever it was, it gave me a headache, and i just can't stay awake. this sucks....
Wednesday, May 13, 2020
i'm very slowly moving through that introduction to quantum physics lecture series (which is really a course in applied linear algebra, as i learned it in first year), and it keeps reminding me of this old demo i did with sean - which was the one & only rabit is wolf track that i did not remaster, remix or otherwise play with. it's the one and only track i was actually happy with...
i've tended to resist commenting on sean's vocals, because i think i'm sort of out of line doing so. there really was a total division of labour; he may have asked for an extra bar or two to work out a lyrical idea here and there, but he really had absolutely no musical training whatsoever, and i really had no interest in interfering with his expression. but, i keep thinking about this...
the way this track worked was that sean came in with a vocal idea for a song he wanted to call "released with your sigh", and i built the song up after he left, sending him a demo over...i can't remember if it was icq or msn. but, he came back about a week later and did the vocals for it in one take, and that was really the extent of it.
after listening to it, though, i insisted on naming the track "psi" - as the howl at the end was essentially a wavefunction collapse. in fact, i initially stylized it with the greek letter itself, ψ, but that didn't survive in a pre-mathml browser reality; what i just did to get that psi was very simple, but would have actually been very frustrating back in 2002. so, i just started calling it psi and it stuck....
he asked a few times, and i just told him it was a greek letter. i'd known him since we were kids, and was aware that his scientific literacy was very low. i think he tended to think i was naming it after something jungian, perhaps from a tool influence. but, it was more of a bowie-esque play on words.
so, this tune keeps coming up in my head, when i'm eating.
i'm working through this slowly because......the concepts are not new to me, but i have never taken a formal course in quantum physics like this before, and some of these concepts are things i've barely looked at in 20 years. the math is...it's weird. it really is. i think the weirdness has more to do with the geometry being wrong, but i will have more to say in due course. for now, i'm making sure i'm going over it well enough to really properly grasp it.
i would expect that future lecture series will be a little faster.
i've tended to resist commenting on sean's vocals, because i think i'm sort of out of line doing so. there really was a total division of labour; he may have asked for an extra bar or two to work out a lyrical idea here and there, but he really had absolutely no musical training whatsoever, and i really had no interest in interfering with his expression. but, i keep thinking about this...
the way this track worked was that sean came in with a vocal idea for a song he wanted to call "released with your sigh", and i built the song up after he left, sending him a demo over...i can't remember if it was icq or msn. but, he came back about a week later and did the vocals for it in one take, and that was really the extent of it.
after listening to it, though, i insisted on naming the track "psi" - as the howl at the end was essentially a wavefunction collapse. in fact, i initially stylized it with the greek letter itself, ψ, but that didn't survive in a pre-mathml browser reality; what i just did to get that psi was very simple, but would have actually been very frustrating back in 2002. so, i just started calling it psi and it stuck....
he asked a few times, and i just told him it was a greek letter. i'd known him since we were kids, and was aware that his scientific literacy was very low. i think he tended to think i was naming it after something jungian, perhaps from a tool influence. but, it was more of a bowie-esque play on words.
so, this tune keeps coming up in my head, when i'm eating.
i'm working through this slowly because......the concepts are not new to me, but i have never taken a formal course in quantum physics like this before, and some of these concepts are things i've barely looked at in 20 years. the math is...it's weird. it really is. i think the weirdness has more to do with the geometry being wrong, but i will have more to say in due course. for now, i'm making sure i'm going over it well enough to really properly grasp it.
i would expect that future lecture series will be a little faster.
i was just about to get started and had to nap again...
i can't handle these shifts in pressure. i know that. and, this one was intense, and bizarre. the dry air in here isn't helping, but i'm going to blame everything on the polar vortex as the root cause - which means i have to go through it lifting, now. hopefully, it's not as bad as it was coming in...
if i can get through the next 12 hours or so, hopefully things start to normalize themselves tomorrow.
let's try to get most of this done overnight.
i can't handle these shifts in pressure. i know that. and, this one was intense, and bizarre. the dry air in here isn't helping, but i'm going to blame everything on the polar vortex as the root cause - which means i have to go through it lifting, now. hopefully, it's not as bad as it was coming in...
if i can get through the next 12 hours or so, hopefully things start to normalize themselves tomorrow.
let's try to get most of this done overnight.
while i did get a little bit done yesterday, i actually got sort of distracted by the location entry, and the need to go back and ensure everything was properly lined up. it was also a fairly short day, in the end - barely 15 hours. and, i got a fair amount of sleep this morning. i guess i was tired....
let's hope i can get through a good chunk of this this afternoon. i'm feeling good about it.
let's hope i can get through a good chunk of this this afternoon. i'm feeling good about it.
Tuesday, May 12, 2020
Monday, May 11, 2020
so, i seem to have finally gotten some sleep, at least. that was more than i usually get at one time, including an unheard of unbroken six hours.
i don't understand what's going on with me, right now....
i wanted to be productive this weekend, but the fucking pig upstairs was smoking all weekend, which just made me unfocused and unproductive. i was neither able to work, nor to sleep - i just found myself staring at the wall.
the migraine never triggered fully, but it's still there, ready to kick back in.
and, i still don't know if i actually got the virus or i'm just suffering through the second-hand smoke.
what next, then? i wanted to get done most of the rebuild over the weekend, and then do some court stuff early this week. i only got through six days of january, 2014.
i'm going to push through for another day or two, but i may have to stop mid-week.
i moved here to avoid this. it's very frustrating and very depressing :(.
i'm in the category of people that would find constant inebriation to be a cause of depression, rather than a solution to it, and i don't have any ambiguity or confusion around the point - i am fully cognizant of the fact that i don't like it, and don't want to be around it on a habitual basis. i don't need to experiment. i know...
i don't understand what's going on with me, right now....
i wanted to be productive this weekend, but the fucking pig upstairs was smoking all weekend, which just made me unfocused and unproductive. i was neither able to work, nor to sleep - i just found myself staring at the wall.
the migraine never triggered fully, but it's still there, ready to kick back in.
and, i still don't know if i actually got the virus or i'm just suffering through the second-hand smoke.
what next, then? i wanted to get done most of the rebuild over the weekend, and then do some court stuff early this week. i only got through six days of january, 2014.
i'm going to push through for another day or two, but i may have to stop mid-week.
i moved here to avoid this. it's very frustrating and very depressing :(.
i'm in the category of people that would find constant inebriation to be a cause of depression, rather than a solution to it, and i don't have any ambiguity or confusion around the point - i am fully cognizant of the fact that i don't like it, and don't want to be around it on a habitual basis. i don't need to experiment. i know...
Sunday, May 10, 2020
this is kind of brutal.
i'm neither asleep nor awake.
i can't figure out if i'm sick or reacting badly to air pollution.
and i want to get this done, but keep sputtering out; i keep getting overwhelmingly tired, but merely for minutes, until i'm back at it, without actually sleeping. ugh.
let's try this again.
i'm neither asleep nor awake.
i can't figure out if i'm sick or reacting badly to air pollution.
and i want to get this done, but keep sputtering out; i keep getting overwhelmingly tired, but merely for minutes, until i'm back at it, without actually sleeping. ugh.
let's try this again.
so, that was more sleeping....
i don't feel sick. but, i'm still extremely dehydrated.
i think it's lingering effects of the migraine, and i think the root cause is the dry air.
at least the smoke seems to be gone for the night. hopefully.
still no shower. but, i'm going to try to get some work done and go from there.
i don't feel sick. but, i'm still extremely dehydrated.
i think it's lingering effects of the migraine, and i think the root cause is the dry air.
at least the smoke seems to be gone for the night. hopefully.
still no shower. but, i'm going to try to get some work done and go from there.
Saturday, May 9, 2020
i just slept some more....
do i think i finally picked this thing up?
well, i get tired when i have migraines, so it's not clear which is the culprit. some other signs...
- i don't have a thermometer i can use for a fever, but i am feeling a little warm. i've checked the thermometer i bought last year, though, and guess what? it's actually unusually warm in here.
- i started coughing last night and it's lingering, but i was reacting to second hand smoke (since passed, apparently) and it feels like a smokers' cough.
- the headache is getting better, but it is also triggered by dry air and smoke.
there's a very weird cold snap going through here right now that should lift in a day or two.
in the meantime, i didn't get that shower yet and am looking forward to it.
i dunno. i know i feel dehydrated...
do i think i finally picked this thing up?
well, i get tired when i have migraines, so it's not clear which is the culprit. some other signs...
- i don't have a thermometer i can use for a fever, but i am feeling a little warm. i've checked the thermometer i bought last year, though, and guess what? it's actually unusually warm in here.
- i started coughing last night and it's lingering, but i was reacting to second hand smoke (since passed, apparently) and it feels like a smokers' cough.
- the headache is getting better, but it is also triggered by dry air and smoke.
there's a very weird cold snap going through here right now that should lift in a day or two.
in the meantime, i didn't get that shower yet and am looking forward to it.
i dunno. i know i feel dehydrated...
i don't write folk music or hip-hop or techno. i make very technical, complicated progressive rock.
that means that i need to be able to think clearly - to work out time signatures, to do math on the fly.
being stoned just doesn't work for me.
i'm sorry - i'm not that person, i never was and i never will be. i don't want to be.
that means that i need to be able to think clearly - to work out time signatures, to do math on the fly.
being stoned just doesn't work for me.
i'm sorry - i'm not that person, i never was and i never will be. i don't want to be.
again -
can you get this disgusting pig upstairs out of here, please? there's a respiratory virus going around, i don't want to be breathing in second-hand smoke.
it tends to be ok in here until i go for groceries, at which point the fucking idiots seem to think that observing me bum a cigarette at the grocery store means i must not care if they smoke in the house, which is wrong in every way.
as has been the case now for nearly five years, i do not smoke habitually. the fact that i might bum a smoke when i'm out does not mean it's ok to smoke in the house. and, while this is not hypocrisy, it wouldn't matter if it is - what matters is that i've signed a non-smoking lease, and i expect it to be upheld.
so, if you're going to put a fucking pig upstairs to do what, i don't know, can you get one that doesn't smoke, please?
thank you.
can you get this disgusting pig upstairs out of here, please? there's a respiratory virus going around, i don't want to be breathing in second-hand smoke.
it tends to be ok in here until i go for groceries, at which point the fucking idiots seem to think that observing me bum a cigarette at the grocery store means i must not care if they smoke in the house, which is wrong in every way.
as has been the case now for nearly five years, i do not smoke habitually. the fact that i might bum a smoke when i'm out does not mean it's ok to smoke in the house. and, while this is not hypocrisy, it wouldn't matter if it is - what matters is that i've signed a non-smoking lease, and i expect it to be upheld.
so, if you're going to put a fucking pig upstairs to do what, i don't know, can you get one that doesn't smoke, please?
thank you.
Friday, May 8, 2020
where was i?
i got a brutal migraine early on monday morning, right as i was finishing the master document, and had to put aside grocery shopping until tuesday. it took me until wednesday morning before i was finally in for good, showered and ready to....sleep. a lot...
yesterday never really got started, and i ended up crashing before the sun came down, for a good 12 hours or so. i've just been exhausted - both mentally and physically.
it's now friday afternoon, and i've decided that i'm going to get started on the rebuild, with the intent of finishing it up over the weekend, before moving on. a number of other things have popped up, but i want to get this done first before i pivot.
so, let's hope the weekend is productive.
i got a brutal migraine early on monday morning, right as i was finishing the master document, and had to put aside grocery shopping until tuesday. it took me until wednesday morning before i was finally in for good, showered and ready to....sleep. a lot...
yesterday never really got started, and i ended up crashing before the sun came down, for a good 12 hours or so. i've just been exhausted - both mentally and physically.
it's now friday afternoon, and i've decided that i'm going to get started on the rebuild, with the intent of finishing it up over the weekend, before moving on. a number of other things have popped up, but i want to get this done first before i pivot.
so, let's hope the weekend is productive.
Monday, May 4, 2020
this has been a recurrent problem for years now, and it's a normal side effect of the worst type of migraines. the technical term is called "migraine with aura", because you get tracers, like you're on psychedelics. but, i could even deal with that if it wasn't for the blurred vision and, worse, the aphasia. it's the aphasia that is frightening and frustrating...
i have very, very low cholesterol. and, while my migraines tend to be hemiplegic, i don't think i'm having a stroke. it's just what is perhaps the absolute worst type of migraine.
what was it like trying to type this morning? i could think relatively well, but i had a very hard time typing the actual words, and if you look at the writing you can see that the words are replaced with other words. compare the original version with the correct one to see some of the concepts that got distorted and how they got distorted.
i'm not going to pretend that i fully understand this, but it is absolutely bizarre, and it hits you like a vicious attack that you just have to shake off.
i was considering doing some things today, but i think i may have to recover, instead. this headache was not the worst i've had (i could at least talk. i've had some where i try to say specific words and say unrelated things. so, i'll try to say 'dog' and instead say 'hyena', or something - and i can't get the right idea out), but it was pretty vicious nonetheless and it might last two or three days.
i've talked to some doctors, and they tell me they're just really bad headaches. there's no answer...
https://migraine.com/blog/migraine-symptoms-transient-aphasia/
i have very, very low cholesterol. and, while my migraines tend to be hemiplegic, i don't think i'm having a stroke. it's just what is perhaps the absolute worst type of migraine.
what was it like trying to type this morning? i could think relatively well, but i had a very hard time typing the actual words, and if you look at the writing you can see that the words are replaced with other words. compare the original version with the correct one to see some of the concepts that got distorted and how they got distorted.
i'm not going to pretend that i fully understand this, but it is absolutely bizarre, and it hits you like a vicious attack that you just have to shake off.
i was considering doing some things today, but i think i may have to recover, instead. this headache was not the worst i've had (i could at least talk. i've had some where i try to say specific words and say unrelated things. so, i'll try to say 'dog' and instead say 'hyena', or something - and i can't get the right idea out), but it was pretty vicious nonetheless and it might last two or three days.
i've talked to some doctors, and they tell me they're just really bad headaches. there's no answer...
https://migraine.com/blog/migraine-symptoms-transient-aphasia/
ok, can i think straight yet?
====
ok.
so, i ended up with a brutal headache in here a little before 3:00, and it could be a while before i'm finished with it. i may have a hard time shaking it off for a little while. it's the dry air in here, and if i'm stuck inside all summer, i could end up fighting with it for months.
the guy upstairs thinks he gets migraines because of the humidity, which is maybe the most scientifically illiterate thing i've ever heard. but, i've noticed this before - as soon as he gets in, he turns the dehumidifer on, which gives me a headache, too. so, we both end up with headaches because he won't turn the fucking dehumidifier off.
like, i can't even think. it's like i have a vice squeezing my brain; it's a tension headache, and just vicious. i can't see, i can barely talk, it's just brutal. what he should be doing is the opposite - he should be turning the dry air off, and turning on the humidifier instead. we need more humidity, not less! i can't stand the dry air, it gives me a headache and just makes me horribly sick.
ok.
i can't type....clearly.....
i'll be back in a bit.
the problem is the lack of humidity.
but, i'm done the master document.
===============
so, i cleaned that segment up, now, and i'm still hurting, but i seem to be much better.
i feel awful, but i'm not sick from the virus - it's the dry air. i haven't been outside at all since april 16th.
is it the vitamin d? no. it's the dry air...
my immediate concern is that i need to eat this morning.
but, i am done the master document. really. it's roughly 250 pages, and mostly music stuff....
just let me shake this off a bit more.
====
ok.
so, i ended up with a brutal headache in here a little before 3:00, and it could be a while before i'm finished with it. i may have a hard time shaking it off for a little while. it's the dry air in here, and if i'm stuck inside all summer, i could end up fighting with it for months.
the guy upstairs thinks he gets migraines because of the humidity, which is maybe the most scientifically illiterate thing i've ever heard. but, i've noticed this before - as soon as he gets in, he turns the dehumidifer on, which gives me a headache, too. so, we both end up with headaches because he won't turn the fucking dehumidifier off.
like, i can't even think. it's like i have a vice squeezing my brain; it's a tension headache, and just vicious. i can't see, i can barely talk, it's just brutal. what he should be doing is the opposite - he should be turning the dry air off, and turning on the humidifier instead. we need more humidity, not less! i can't stand the dry air, it gives me a headache and just makes me horribly sick.
ok.
i can't type....clearly.....
i'll be back in a bit.
the problem is the lack of humidity.
but, i'm done the master document.
===============
so, i cleaned that segment up, now, and i'm still hurting, but i seem to be much better.
i feel awful, but i'm not sick from the virus - it's the dry air. i haven't been outside at all since april 16th.
is it the vitamin d? no. it's the dry air...
my immediate concern is that i need to eat this morning.
but, i am done the master document. really. it's roughly 250 pages, and mostly music stuff....
just let me shake this off a bit more.
ok.
so, i ended up with a brutal headache end here a little before 3:00, and i could be a while before i finish with it. i may have a hard time shaking it off for a little while. up stairs the try air end here, and i if i end up here stuck in here all find, here it's care until an empty little winter.
the guy upstairs thinks he gets migraines because of the humidity, which is maybe the most scientifically illiterate thing i've heard. but, i've notice this before - as soon as he gets up, he turn the dehumidifer end, on which gives me a headache, too. so, we both end up with headaches because he wouldn't dd the fucking dehumidifier off.
like, i couldn't even think he's sorry here. what he should be doing is the opposite - he should be turning the dry air off, and doing on the humidifier instead. i can't stand the dry air, it gives me a headache and up makes up send.
ok.
i end can't type....clearly.....
i'll be back in a bit.
the probably is the humidity.
but, i'm done the master document.
i got distracted this morning by some censorship on facebook.
it was back in late february or early march that facebook decided to put a "cover" over this album art, which i found to be an unacceptable restriction of speech:
their argument was that they'd decided this had "graphic or violent content" and people should decide whether they wanted to look at it.
but, how can people make a choice to decide if they want to see something if they haven't seen it? it's incoherent, circular logic. you have to see something before you decide you don't like it. so, this decision is not being made by individual people, but rather by facebook.
the value of this picture, as art, is that it is disturbing.
what is it even of? this crocodillian ate some human, and is being cut open to identify the body. that's a fact of life, as human predation is a real concern in much of the world where humans co-exist with this species. facebook's decision to cover up the picture is equivalent to a denial of reality, which they're then using to censor the art - which is the feeling of discomfort that you get from looking at this, as a reminder that your humanity is rooted in the fact that you are an animal.
do i think you have the right to avoid that? no...
you might disagree with it, but you cannot be allowed to tell me to cover up.
so, i got into a posting war with facebook over it, and they seem to have conceded the point, but only on my main profile. as i went through the music profile, i realized i'd have to repost several posts that made use of the picture, which meant i'd have to scroll through hundreds of posts....
i then forced myself to sleep this afternoon, which took a few tries - which is a good sign. when i am healthy, i have difficulty sleeping. i thrive on insomnia; bring it on.
i need to finish up what i was doing this morning, before i put the completed master document aside to do dishes and get something to eat.
it was back in late february or early march that facebook decided to put a "cover" over this album art, which i found to be an unacceptable restriction of speech:
their argument was that they'd decided this had "graphic or violent content" and people should decide whether they wanted to look at it.
but, how can people make a choice to decide if they want to see something if they haven't seen it? it's incoherent, circular logic. you have to see something before you decide you don't like it. so, this decision is not being made by individual people, but rather by facebook.
the value of this picture, as art, is that it is disturbing.
what is it even of? this crocodillian ate some human, and is being cut open to identify the body. that's a fact of life, as human predation is a real concern in much of the world where humans co-exist with this species. facebook's decision to cover up the picture is equivalent to a denial of reality, which they're then using to censor the art - which is the feeling of discomfort that you get from looking at this, as a reminder that your humanity is rooted in the fact that you are an animal.
do i think you have the right to avoid that? no...
you might disagree with it, but you cannot be allowed to tell me to cover up.
so, i got into a posting war with facebook over it, and they seem to have conceded the point, but only on my main profile. as i went through the music profile, i realized i'd have to repost several posts that made use of the picture, which meant i'd have to scroll through hundreds of posts....
i then forced myself to sleep this afternoon, which took a few tries - which is a good sign. when i am healthy, i have difficulty sleeping. i thrive on insomnia; bring it on.
i need to finish up what i was doing this morning, before i put the completed master document aside to do dishes and get something to eat.
Sunday, May 3, 2020
and, why don't i go out and do something?
i like concerts, but that's really the only thing that has ever succeeded in getting me out of the house.
even in the best of times, i've never been an outside person - i've always preferred staying inside with technology, enough that i should watch the vitamin d, myself.
i will get some fresh air when i need to get groceries.
but, i'd rather sit in the dark and listen to gothic music than go outside and play in the sun - that's been true my whole life.
i like concerts, but that's really the only thing that has ever succeeded in getting me out of the house.
even in the best of times, i've never been an outside person - i've always preferred staying inside with technology, enough that i should watch the vitamin d, myself.
i will get some fresh air when i need to get groceries.
but, i'd rather sit in the dark and listen to gothic music than go outside and play in the sun - that's been true my whole life.
the sun is coming up, and i just finished consolidating everything for the master document from the laptop's drive.
there is one further step, and it requires making sure everything already posted to the internet is already in the document - facebook, partial rebuilds, etc.
i'm going to stop to eat, and i'm overdue. as i haven't been expending much energy, i haven't been eating much. so, i've gone from being a few days ahead of schedule last month to being three days behind schedule, this month.
that's ok; if i end up a week or more behind, i'll just scratch it off.
i mentioned once before that it is highly likely that i will eat a lot less than normal if i'm stuck inside for the next several months.
there is one further step, and it requires making sure everything already posted to the internet is already in the document - facebook, partial rebuilds, etc.
i'm going to stop to eat, and i'm overdue. as i haven't been expending much energy, i haven't been eating much. so, i've gone from being a few days ahead of schedule last month to being three days behind schedule, this month.
that's ok; if i end up a week or more behind, i'll just scratch it off.
i mentioned once before that it is highly likely that i will eat a lot less than normal if i'm stuck inside for the next several months.
Saturday, May 2, 2020
so, i slept on how to get these live links into the master document....
i only have 36 html files, all dated to the last days of the month. each file has a handful of links in it...
so, rather than throw everything back into flux by installing to the 90s laptop, it makes more sense to just edit the html files in notepad and then copy them over.
hopefully, these problems with my access terminal will be resolved within a few weeks. it really relies on being able to get a workable reimaging process in place.
once i get the links in these files hardcoded, and the files copied into the master document, i'll be done processing all of the files on my external drive for the month of 01/14. there will still be a few things left, but that will be the crux of it, and i can get to the rebuild.
i'm going to have to get some groceries, eventually.
i only have 36 html files, all dated to the last days of the month. each file has a handful of links in it...
so, rather than throw everything back into flux by installing to the 90s laptop, it makes more sense to just edit the html files in notepad and then copy them over.
hopefully, these problems with my access terminal will be resolved within a few weeks. it really relies on being able to get a workable reimaging process in place.
once i get the links in these files hardcoded, and the files copied into the master document, i'll be done processing all of the files on my external drive for the month of 01/14. there will still be a few things left, but that will be the crux of it, and i can get to the rebuild.
i'm going to have to get some groceries, eventually.
so, now i'm running up against what i knew would end up being a major annoyance, and i don't know how i'm going to deal with.
i need to find a way to copy data from the internet into a word document that i can read via word 2003. and, yes - i need to be able to do it via word 2003, because every other version of word is absolutely horrible. but, more specifically, the xml formatting is unworkable. it will break the document - i need to find ways to get around it. i cannot upgrade. i cannot convert. i have to get the data into 2003.
i can't use google docs, and i can't use microsoft's cloud - they both insist on the xml architecture. i can't install word 2003 on this chromebook, either.
the major annoyance is this chrome os, which is useless for doing anything other than browsing the internet, or very lightweight cloud purposes. and, that's fine - it's all it was intended to do in the first place. i'm just in a limbo until i can fix my laptop properly by building a winlited image for it that i can reinstall on demand when the cops hack into it.
i could perhaps try to save things over html and copy them over with a usb key, but i don't actually think that's going to give me the formatting i want.
what i might have to do is install word on the 90s laptop (which is running xp) and then copy over the formatting into the doc file, and then move it back.
why don't any of the clouds offer 2003 support? i don't know. but, they don't...so i'm stuck....
yeah. these are really my only two options.
it has to do with the way i coded the website. if i launch the files locally, and copy them into the master document, the links will be local. if i want the links to actually go out to the appspot site, i need to copy them directly over from the live site.
i need to find a way to copy data from the internet into a word document that i can read via word 2003. and, yes - i need to be able to do it via word 2003, because every other version of word is absolutely horrible. but, more specifically, the xml formatting is unworkable. it will break the document - i need to find ways to get around it. i cannot upgrade. i cannot convert. i have to get the data into 2003.
i can't use google docs, and i can't use microsoft's cloud - they both insist on the xml architecture. i can't install word 2003 on this chromebook, either.
the major annoyance is this chrome os, which is useless for doing anything other than browsing the internet, or very lightweight cloud purposes. and, that's fine - it's all it was intended to do in the first place. i'm just in a limbo until i can fix my laptop properly by building a winlited image for it that i can reinstall on demand when the cops hack into it.
i could perhaps try to save things over html and copy them over with a usb key, but i don't actually think that's going to give me the formatting i want.
what i might have to do is install word on the 90s laptop (which is running xp) and then copy over the formatting into the doc file, and then move it back.
why don't any of the clouds offer 2003 support? i don't know. but, they don't...so i'm stuck....
yeah. these are really my only two options.
it has to do with the way i coded the website. if i launch the files locally, and copy them into the master document, the links will be local. if i want the links to actually go out to the appspot site, i need to copy them directly over from the live site.
i'm making some progress here on this master document finally.
i'm starting to come to terms with the reality that i'm going to spend this summer inside by myself, and i'm ok with it.
i'm behind on everything, and i'm not getting younger, so let's hope i get a lot of work done - let's hope that the beginning of this month is a major pivot into taking a good chunk out of finishing up period 3 (2003-2007).
i'm starting to come to terms with the reality that i'm going to spend this summer inside by myself, and i'm ok with it.
i'm behind on everything, and i'm not getting younger, so let's hope i get a lot of work done - let's hope that the beginning of this month is a major pivot into taking a good chunk out of finishing up period 3 (2003-2007).
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