ESA
I think im having a full on meltdown.
Ive
completely lost it. Ive been hiding in lenin’s room for two days. He
hasnt been here. Its just because im scared to go to my house. I went to
the hospital again two nights ago
Because i was completely panicking. And then i attacked two people in a full on rage. Two rape apologists, but still.
It took like 6 peoppe to pin me down. I was like the hulk. I am soooo confused.
And i dont remember who the second person was, but i remember shoving craptata, so it might have been him
Jessica Amber Murray
why
are you afraid to go to your houseÉ has the initial event been
confirmed as a meth overdoseÉ again, that sounds like meth psychosis,
although i don`t want to discount underlying conditions and being
rationally pissed off about upsetting things. i gotta restart, keyboard
went french, brb.
ESA
I am still so distraught.
Bahhh
and i am mortified because i freaked out in front of.everyone and
basically confirmed to them that im a violent person. Even though that
was the first time.
I was feeling a lot better for
about two months, and now in worse than ever and dont even want to come
to windsor. But staying in ottawa seems so.much worse. God, i hope
nobody presses charges
Jessica Amber Murray
i
don't have any suggestions about dealing with the after-the-fact
complications of ending up with too much meth in your system, other than
that there isn't really anything you can do about it or any way to know
how long it's going to last for. i can't give you an uncharacteristic
hug, either. i can suggest to not do hard drugs for a while? first
things first, you probably need to find a way to make an escape from
your ad-hoc barricade, there. when is lenin coming back?
ESA
I have no dignity left.
Hes here but is leaving for work in about an hour.
Jessica Amber Murray
i
have to be honest that it's sort of seemed a little bit impulsive for
you to move to windsor from the start. i had some very good reasons to
move somewhere where the cost of living is cheaper. i'm on a fixed
income, probably permanently, and ottawa isn't getting cheaper. you?
you're at a better school in ottawa, you have family there....so there's
a few assholes that don't like you. there's going to be assholes that
don't like you anywhere you go. i've made a conscious decision to not
judge or criticize your decision on this because i realize it's
something that's reversible for you. you can always go home. maybe you
really just need some space away, which is what you've been saying. we
all need a little space, sometimes. but i think that if you're looking
at it as a way to restart....(1) windsor is still within capitalism and
still has the shitty people that capitalism produces and (2) a certain
subset of things are going to follow you everywhere you go. ...and
nobody can take your dignity unless you give it to them :P
ESA
Thanks
for your brilliant fucking advice. I want to move because im sick of
ottawa, and im sick of being abused and assaulted and freaking out all
the time. I need a change somehow i think youre right. That no matter
what i do, or where i go, there will be abusive assholes and i will be
in an excruciating amount of pain. Thanks for.confirming what i already
knew.
I am going offline now.
Jessica Amber Murray
you're
welcome :). forever in debt... hey, i gotta go fax some stuff back to
ottawa and go look for a dresser. i think you should go home and shower,
or at least get some fresh air, and prepare for at least a few more
days of feeling really unstable.
ESA
Ugh
yeah sorry. Moving to windsor is because i need a break and a little
perspective. Ive been here forever. Sorry for lashing out
