i've never stated, in public or private, anything other than that my only regret was that i put my transition on hold way back when. i don't regret anything else that happened. and, i wouldn't do anything else differently. but i do very, very much wish that i would have dealt with this properly back in 2002.

the intent was to stop for a few months. that turned into a few years. and, it became financially difficult to pick up where i was.

it was a huge mistake....

....but i mean the choice to suspend was a mistake. x > y. sure. but, it's only that part that i'd reverse, if i could. then, we'd have to see what would happen from there....

yes: a lot of the things that happened would not have happened had i not paused. that is true. but, given that i did pause, i don't regret what i did. what i regret is only that i paused.

i simply can't know what the alternate path would have been, or how similar it would be to what actually happened. so, i can't say anything else. i can only look at the choices i actually made. and, there's really only one i'd reverse.

i'm sorry if that's not what you think, but i need to reiterate: i've never stated anything else. anything else is just in your head.

again: quality v quantity misunderstands what i'm doing. the question is whether i'm being thorough in documentation, or haphazard about it. this is not a film production, it's a vlog. how detailed am i being?

another way to put it is that i don't really have control over the viewing quality of my life, nor am i particularly concerned by it. what i have control over is how meticulous i am in building a historical document.

i went from not being able to sleep to crashing really, really hard. we had some rain move in. it does that to me. i haven't been able to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time the last few days. i feel awake, but we'll see.