From: "jessica murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
i think i found a two bedroom in windsor. it's actually really, really nice. $650 all inclusive. i'll find out soon.
esa's
mom vetoed letting her hitch with me and bought her a bus ticket. she
went down on the bus with a mutual friend, illuminous. i kind of didn't
want to spend $200 on bus tickets and hitched by myself.
hitching
up the 401 is safe if you know how to do it, which is to hang out at
truck stops. i hitched with truckers most of the way down and will hitch
with truckers most of the way back. not a concern.
this
guy illuminous is basically just following her around, and she's
totally taking advantage of it. she would have been ok with us all
getting a place together, but he keeps pushing for a two bedroom for the
two of them and she doesn't want that. at all. yet, she needs to get to
windsor because she's transferring to the university here. he kind of
screwed things up, and it's kind of her fault for letting him rather
than telling him to stay home.
so, it's now my
responsibility to find a place she can crash at for a bit until she can
find her own place. i totally saw this coming, though.
i'm
going to take the slow route home. hit a few small towns. try and stay
in the area in case something in windsor comes up for the first, or, if
it doesn't, in case i can find something in another town around here.
so, i won't be home for at least a few days.
it
seems like i'm moving on quickly. it's not like i haven't been thinking
about this almost non-stop for the last two years. it's not like the
decisions i'm making right now are in a vacuum. i'm sure you have, too.
i
just feel like everything i have to let go of, to deal with, to
compensate for and whatnot has already been worked through. death is
final. i'm extremely glad they're medicating him. i hope it's as
painless as possible. but i've dealt with that on a psychological and
emotional level. as much respect as i have for dad, i realize that the
exact emotions that run through his mind as he is dying are
inconsequential to all remaining living beings. i need to focus on the
living. i need to keep going. he'd want that.
at this
point, i don't know if he made it through the night or not. he knows i
love him, but if he needs reassurance you can tell him i've sent an
email stating i do.
personally, i need to clear my
head, not get bogged down in a type of depression that i don't have the
psychological tools to deal with and prepare for the rest of my life.
jessica
