i think my perspective is slightly different than the people that i'm going with. i've been thinking about this for a few days and am going to try and articulate what *i'm* thinking and why *i'm* going.

i was reading up a little this morning on the idea of a temporary autonomous zone, which is a concept that developed out of the post-left critique of traditional anarchist thinking. it seems to be the idea that the occupy movement was conceptualized around. whilst living within everything that's around us, and the apparent hopelessness of fighting against a system that protects itself with drone strikes and riot police, is there a way to carve out a small space that allows for the experience of real freedom?

southern ontario is a bubble that's developing in the collapse of industrial civilization. from the perspective of a factory worker with a family to feed, this is a catastrophe. from the perspective of an artist that rejects the concept of wage labour, it's an opportunity to grasp upon. i want to walk in to this vacuum, this growing autonomous region, and help build an entirely different way to exist.

so, i'm in the process of blowing my life up and starting over somewhere else.

i'm moving to somewhere in southern ontario super soon. august 1st, maybe. i'm hitching out of town on monday with some friends to check out places in windsor, but i haven't entirely committed to moving precisely there yet. to start off with, i've never even been there before. seems a little impulsive to make that choice without visiting first, and i'm not a really impulsive person.

other possible destinations are niagara and waterloo.

why? the simple reason is that the cost of living in these places is drastically lower. i don't particularly want to leave ottawa for a small town, my preference would be for a larger city, but it's clear at this point that i cannot live the lifestyle i want to live in a city that is this expensive.

two of these places have other advantages. windsor is very close to the music scene in detroit; waterloo has a university i've always wanted to hang out at (and train access into toronto). niagara appears to be the cheapest of the three.

staying in for the night, but why am i getting tracers?

ESA
are you going to asylum tonihgtÉ

É

Jessica Amber Murray
that accent acute is a little unnecessary.

i think i need a jessica night.

ESA
my keyboard switched to French. its supposed to be a question mark. yeah, I don't want to either, but I promised dylan.

Jessica Amber Murray
i'm actually a little weirded out about not remembering how we got home last night. did we walk? cab?

ESA
half walked, and then cabbed

wow, I didnèt know you werrethat drunk

Jessica Amber Murray
i'm a little concerned i wasn't drunk. did i pay at all?

ESA
no I think playa payed

Jessica Amber Murray
my knees are really weirdly wobbly today. i've been randomly dizzy. i'm getting mushroom trip like reality swirls.

i left my drink out a few times.

i should be more careful with that.

ESA
hangover!

i feel a little weird too

Jessica Amber Murray
it's not normal hangover stuff, though. my knees don't normally get like this, that's for sure.

ESA
sshitttt

fuck i don't want to go to the asylum...

but i need to say bye to dylan.

Jessica Amber Murray
then don't go. he can't be leaving tonight. invite him over for coffee tomorrow.

ESA
yeah but still hell be mad if i don't go.

what happened

ESA
JESSS

MY HEAD IS MELTING

OW.

Jessica Amber Murray
hungover? i find caffeinated pop works the best, despite it being exactly the opposite of what science claims in the matter.

just tell me if you're coming or not so i can plan.

ESA
coming where?

Jessica Amber Murray
greely.

ESA
I think i'm too gross

Jessica Amber Murray
s'all good, no pressure.

ESA
can we do it on a not-so-hungover day?

Jessica Amber Murray
sure. they're always home, they need very little notice.

ESA
ugh the subletter guy bailed.

Jessica Amber Murray
fuck. well, you've got like 800 other people.

ESA
yeah but he was kewl

I forgot about my uke lesson

slept in until like 230

Jessica Amber Murray
you forgot your doctor's appointment too, i guess. maybe you can use that as an argument.

ESA
OH SHIT. yeah I forgot that. fuck

fuck. going to mac's milk is the hardest thing in the world right now.

Jessica Amber Murray
just yell out the window. ooh! you should set up one of those tin can telephones with the store and put a pulley system on it.

ESA
yeah

fuckit. I look like shit.

and whenever I leave I see so fucking many people I know

its so annoying

Jessica Amber Murray
are you coercing me to buy you pop and bring it up?

ESA
no.

hahahha no

I can do that myself.

BTW

ALMOST THREESOME

LAST NIGHT

They keep failing through though. I'm very mad about that.

Jessica Amber Murray
so, it was, like, sequential sex, then? i can't even handle sex with one person, a threesome would probably make me vomit out of self-conscious fear.

ESA
hahaha

buaahahahahaha

well. no. I tried very harrd to make it happen

and lenin was down, but then he was not down.

Jessica Amber Murray
so, no sex at all? geez, i was excited for a second.

ESA
what do you mean no sex?

OF COURSE THERE WAS SEX

haha

hahahabuahaha

a true lady does not kiss and tell

Except I think I already did.

Jessica Amber Murray
that other guy you brought home seemed like the type, but i'm not sure i could really imagine lenin having sex.

ESA
haha. seemed like the type ?

the sex type?

Its so funny, he was like in love with me when I was 19

he was so excited and disbelievgin the whole time.

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, seemed kinda playery.

ESA
I like worship sex. its kinda my favorite.

yeah I dunno if he's player now. He didn't used to be. he was such a dweeb.

Jessica Amber Murray
i just can't do it. it's almost impossible to explain. like, when i have sex dreams, i have a vagina and it involves insertion. it's real in the dream state. i just don't know how the fuck to use a penis. so when i was having sex when i was younger i'd basically just sit there and watch, i'd totally disassociate. anyways, i'm glad you got laid. high five.

ESA
wooohhh

you should get a strap on vagina

I guess its not the same.

lololol

Jessica Amber Murray
not at all. it makes dating and one night stands and everything else such a dead end, though, that i don't bother. about the only way i know how to pleasure somebody is with my fingers and mouth.

ESA
well then.

most people don't know what they're doing with their dinkie anyways

so its basically useless.

and yeah I also made up a new word

Jessica Amber Murray
what's the new word?

ESA
dinkie

likes like winky. except not.

Jessica Amber Murray
dinkie is definitely not a new word, it's what i called it when i was a kid.

ESA
that's winkie!

are you sure? oh well whateva

Jessica Amber Murray
absolutely sure. because my mom thought dinkie was cute and dink was crude, so that was the permitted official terminology.

ESA
LOL

consequences

Jessica Amber Murray
i was legit drunk last night. i vaguely remember hanging out in the park, and i remember realizing i was drunk and going home, but i don't remember how we got from the hostel back to hintonburg. as expected, breakfast this morning got cancelled. i rescheduled for supper, which means going to their place. we can likely get a ride from south keys to findley creek, but it's bussing to there. no pressure. but let me know if you do or do not want to go. (time is not really set, whenever, i'll call them back)

(drunk because no caffeine.)

i remember some drunk young lady falling all over me outside the women's washroom, and her eventually saying "have a good night, lovely" and me thinking lovely was a weird thing to call somebody. and you and etan stealing my drink. and other scattered things. but that's why i need rockstar.

ESA
lol. wtf. I was sooo wasted to.

more planning

Jessica Amber Murray
1) odsp should cover at least some of the costs of moving. it's 'discretionary'. i need to get more info on maximum amounts and how to ensure it gets covered, but i think we can rely on this for at least half.
2) my parents have some kind of voucher at sears that they're giving me. i'd like to take a run through street corners first, but whatever we can't find we should be able to grab there for free.
3) my step-mother and i had the money talk today about my dad dying. he's really concerned that i'm losing a fall-back system, and she's promised him she'll take on that responsibility. we talked about it and decided the best option is a monthly deposit into my account, which should be around $400 for starters. so, yeah, i guess i'm sort of bourgy too :P

also, they want to meet you. which is sort of reasonable given that we're kind of running away. you're invited for breakfast tomorrow morning at south keys at 10:00 (i'm going to call at 9:00). however, i TOTALLY understand why that's creepy and weird, and there's absolutely ZERO pressure to come if you don't want to.

ESA
I have a dr's apt at Carleton at 11. so I can't make it

also, I love how you call me bourgy even though I get no monetary support from my parents

my dad also said that if I move to Windsor, he will never bail me out, or help me move or support me with anything ever again

LOL. I will totally come meet your parents, but they will NOT like me at 10 in the morning.

Also, a moving van looks to be about 700 hundred

i dunno how i can get that kinda cash without selling BJs on the street

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. that's the uhaul price. the van itself is not so much, but they charge by the kilometre. i'll call odsp tomorrow and see if they'll front it. also, what i'm hoping is if we look around a bit we can find somebody that will just rent us the van, flat fee, no questions about where it's going. if we can find that, it could be less than $100.

ESA
ooh

dunno how to find that though

Jessica Amber Murray
i don't either, i'm just hoping it exists.

if not...even if odsp only gives me like $400 or something, that's $150 each to pay. i could front that for you.

(and fwiw i totally know what it's like to have parents with money that won't give you any. mine have really turned on a dime - they've been brutal the last five years or so. i think my dad dying has really changed my stepmother's attitude towards life. i'll stop teasing you about that.)

ESA
yeah. well my dad is kinda weird about it. and my mom doesn't have any now that she's a minister

she makes like 1200 bucks a month

or something ridiculous like that

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. my step-mom's a pretty big boss at the canadian blood services. she oversees the bone marrow transfusion division or something. works from home, even. my dad was a middle manager at the corporate tax division for the provincial government. he oversaw a team that went after businesses that didn't pay their taxes. together, they made over 200,000/year. but, when i got evicted two years ago they told me to hit the curb. i occupied their back yard and got dragged out by the cops. this recent turn of events is highly unexpected.

ESA
woahhhhhh crazy

similar situation with me

do you want fire tonight ? ?

it might be too hot.

Jessica Amber Murray
i think i don't want to venture too far or drink too much tonight. i just listed a bunch of grievances against my parents, but it was really just my step-mom that completely vetoed my dad, who wanted to let me stay, etc. this little bit of dad time is sort of important to me.

is anybody else up for fire? i could maybe stop by for a few beers later, if there's still some left.

buuuuut....do we want to throw a going away party? been thinking about that a bit.

ESA
I dunno

i'm not throwing my own. that's tacky.

illuminous is up for a fire.

Jessica Amber Murray
well, i sort of think i'd rather stay in the area, but i think i'm up for hanging out one way or the other. how much beer is left?

(is a run necessary?)

ESA
oh theres none left. lol

illuminous wants fire

I want that or jail hoste l

Jessica Amber Murray
what's at jail hostel?

open mic?

fuck, i should do an open mic before i leave, just to confuse people.

ESA
well we can do it later

ugh stupid beer stores.

close so early.

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. well, let me know what's happening, i guess. my vote is bike down to the grocery store and split a bottle of wine in the near vicinity, but i'll accept the democratic process.

ESA
fire!

well. the grocery store is near fire.

but I dunno.

we can also drink wine in secret at the hostel

I don't have a preference

Jessica Amber Murray
i'm going to vote hostel over fire. less bugs. and i think fires are better with more people.

ESA
ok

Jessica Amber Murray
are there usually amps at the hostel? the lack of dots on this classical makes playing what i want to play frustrating.

ESA
yeah

fsho.

you can use tape.

k i'll go to the hostel.

but I don't have money for beerz

Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'm going to need to clean myself up first. i don't want to buy beer there either. can we do this: you bike to the store, get wine, i'll pay you half when we meet. that will give me time to clean. then bike to hostel. ?.

ESA
i'm not going anywhere

but like maybe

we can make it to the lcbo in itme?

but fuckit. i'll probably find beer there .

its pretty cheap

Jessica Amber Murray
ok, let me get ready super quick - 20 minutes - and meet me outside my building at 9:30 and we'll talk?

ESA
ughmm

well i'm gonna get ready

make myself not look like crap

Jessica Amber Murray
k. ready. meet where?

ESA
etan is meeting me here at 930

Jessica Amber Murray
k. i'll be there close to that.

planning

ESA
can you set up a few viewings?

like 3?

and i'll set up 3 ?

Jessica Amber Murray
i can try early in the morning, but i'm going to be gone all day tomorrow. send me numbers/schedule?

did you talk to the rentiers about just walking out of the lease?

request

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address

so i should explain what's going on.

i'm moving to windsor with the redhead lead singer in this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6Jw-KqY6HE

we're just friends, by mutual declaration. for now.

why windsor? because rent is half the price. we can probably get a 2-bdr apartment for around $500. yeah. c-h-e-p. cheap.

windsor is also on the edge of one of the prime examples of the collapse of industrial civilization: detroit. windsor itself is pretty hopeless. in this vacuum of collapse comes an opportunity to try to build a better society that is free of the constraints of the existing one. that's the mandate of an artist.

she's going on odsp herself as well. and, as mentioned, she's a musician too. so the plan is to find somewhere to set up a studio, drink our faces off, record music all day, help advance the revolution and eat lots of spaghetti at 5:00 am in our spare time.

:)

getting there, though, requires somebody to drive us. you like road trips. we're not sure yet if it's august or september, but would you be willing to drive us from ottawa to windsor and then drive back?

moving expenses through odsp are discretionary, but i think i should be able to claim most of it. i just hope i can find somewhere that will rent us a big van for a flat rate rather than by the kilometre. otherwise, driving home is going to be expensive.

j

different trains

ESA
ok so trains are on sale

Jessica Amber Murray
how much would it cost?

ESA
82 bucks there and back

but we need to book it in advance a bit

Jessica Amber Murray
i don't want to pay 82 bucks. but i don't want to enforce my lack of desire to pay for transportation on you either. you guys train if you want. i'll hitch and meet you there.

ESA
haha

well i want to hitch

but 82 bucks is ridonculously cheap for two ways

Jessica Amber Murray
it might be, but it's still 82 dollars i didn't budget for and i can't really part with.

if only there were still box cars we could hitch on...

wait. my gst is late. i won't know anything about it until friday. when would you have to book by?

ESA
yeah the only thing is illuminous.

I want to hitch with you

and not illuminous. because illuminous doesn't know anything and like. its hard to hitch with 3 people

Jessica Amber Murray
it is definitely hard to hitch with 3 people. it would almost certainly have to be done by splitting and meeting. and if you/illuminous doesn't seem like a good idea, and neither of you want to hitch alone, it's an impossible task.

ESA
yea. so I might just ditch him

because I don't have the money really either

i'm not spending 84 dollars out of my 180 that I have on bus fare

Jessica Amber Murray
i was going to ask if he was sure he's coming. i'm not sure ditching him is necessary. moving to windsor for employment opportunities really isn't a good idea.

ESA
yeah

can you ask him ?

Jessica Amber Murray
i'm not really sure how to approach this either. let me think about it.

i was thinking earlier today that another way out of this may be to try and convince illuminous to invite milo. not his roomate milo. a different milo that was involved in occupy. she's also odsp. moving to windsor would make sense for her, too.

ESA
hmmm ok

Jessica Amber Murray
milo is also transgendered. she and illuminous had some kind of fling, the details of which i'm not aware of. she's living in horrible conditions in vanier, always broke - same boat we're in. i don't know if she'd be interested. it solves a few problems. four people for the house, too. (i'm sort of assuming etan can't come)

ESA
well etan will come. it just depends on when. we haven't talked since he got back

is milo cool ? can you get her to add me ?

I don't see her when I search her name. I still haven't met her.

Jessica Amber Murray
milo's a bit of a private person, i doubt she'd add you without knowing her. you can try chatting with her though and seeing what happens. i decided a while back to block her temporarily and we haven't spoken since. i don't *think* that would be a problem.

full disclosure: illuminous was mildly hitting on me for a bit as well. for quite a while. i didn't spend nearly as much time with him 1-1 as you have, in fact i tried to avoid that, and he got the disinterested message clearly. we're ok. milo and i were mutually mildly interested in each other for a while. well, we're both transgendered and ended up in the same group of friends, so that's a natural thing. but i think it's blatantly obvious to both of us that we don't have much in common besides that.

bottom line: love squares are better than love triangles. in triangles, somebody always gets hurt. squares at least allow for somebody to talk to. that's a big part of what i'm thinking, too.

ESA
lol I dunno if love squares are better

just means theres more of a chance for someone to get hurt by someone else

Jessica Amber Murray
well, i think with triangles somebody will always get hurt. i honestly don't think you, illuminous and i are stable. the presence of that fourth person is perhaps a complicating factor, but it's also a mitigating one. i'm not really convinced milo would want to go, anyways. just a thought.

actually, maybe don't text milo yet? let me think about ways to bring up the job thing.

'cause even if milo wants to come, bringing illuminous to a life of unwanted unemployment in windsor is probably not in his best interests. and if he's not able to get on odsp, it's not in ours either (you couldn't even live comfortably on welfare in a place as cheap as windsor).

ESA
lets find a place me and you

a super cheap one

Jessica Amber Murray
i kind of think that would be my preferred outcome, too.

ESA
yah.

shared observations on the queerness of existence

ESA
bahah my dad is so funny.

i was explaining to him what being transgendered is and he didn't get it, but now he does.

hes basically the funniest ever :)

Jessica Amber Murray
i don't think i get it half the time, either.

ESA
hes like so working class dad

but then when you explain shit to him he's all "whateva floats yer boat" and totally cool with everything except for churchy lesbians in their 50s.

He draws a line at their kind.

Jessica Amber Murray
my mom left my dad for a woman as well. her name was ******. i was young - 3. they broke up when i was around 6, and she got married a second time (i have a half sister). but she was a philosophy student at the time. taught me more than anybody i've ever met.

my dad's thrown out some weird comments regarding it over the years.

never *really* got over it...

this address

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: stepmother's first address
Cc: stepmother's second address

this is the right one.

j

a drop to indie city madness (ckcu)

hey. just letting you know i exist in this city. may be a little too abstract for you. you get to decide.

http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/proverbs

lots more music at the site.

a negotiation for the delivery of regifted fancy mustard

Jessica Amber Murray
you awake?

i snagged a condiment for you, but i left it in the other pocket: smokin' stampede fume mayo sandwich spread! mild. pc. want it?

ESA
lol i had that in my fridge? didn't even know

Jessica Amber Murray
no, i picked it up at the food bank but forgot to take it out of my bag. do you want it?

ESA
not if you do

Jessica Amber Murray
well, i suspect you may appreciate it more than i, so if you'd like it it's yours.

ok, i'm late, if you want it i'll bring it later.

ESA
lol don't matta to me

see u later

beer accounting....

Jessica Amber Murray
beer accounting.....

price of beer:
price/quantity = 30/24 = 1.25

me - 6.5*1.25= 8.125
you - 5*1.25 = 6.25
illuminous - 2.5*1.25 = 3.125

i'll presume illuminous did not pay. s'ok. $3. let's split it.

3.125/2 = 1.5625
me - 8.25 + 1.5625 = 9.8125
you - 7.8125

there should be 24 - (6.5+5+2.5) = 10 beers left. 10*1.25 = 12.5.

under the assumption that you purchased those ten beers, you should have given me: 12.5 + 7.8125 = 20.3125. so, it actually worked out almost perfectly. i owe you 31.25 cents :P

ESA
hahaha awesome :D

it's times like this when i really need a palette. i love my guitar, but it's just not sufficient. an idea, but not a concept. a feeling, but not an expression. a scream, but not an explanation. a release, but not a resolution.

a statement out of context.

i write things out the old fashioned way sometimes, but it's a cerebral process. it's not a cathartic one.

poetry even seems more worthwhile, and while i'm a wordsmith i'm definitely not a poet. if i was better with words, i could use them to describe the emotions i want to describe with clashes of sound. poetry, though, is inherently linear. i want to write the lines on top of each other and have them read and understood simultaneously.

a painting couldn't do that, either. not that it matters. complicated objects are also understood linearly, sequentially. you can't process all of the interpretations of a painting at once. you have to collapse that waveform.

only complex sounds can sufficiently express all of the subtleties of a complex emotion by getting across all of it's different aspects, and all the interference patterns.

demo #17: suicide

in completing this track, i have now filled up both sides of a 100-minute tape and have therefore completed my first demo. as mentioned last week, the topic of the final track is suicide - following the character that felt unheard.

i guess that the character must have committed suicide in a wave of hopelessness, but i've kept a distance from the character and instead decided to insult it for being defeatist. the song is meant to broadcast a type of dark humour that people will either appreciate or condemn.

like the last track, this track was written out in the old house and slowly appended to until i felt it was complete. i even had the piano part notated, properly, in my notes. recording the final piano parts meant sneaking into my sister's room again; as it was christmas holidays, and she was going to be home all week, i finally just asked her if i could use her keyboard, and while she initially made a fit, my parents eventually made her let me use it. that was unexpected all around - she thought she was going to get me in trouble, but was instead forced to share. i told her that it would only take a few minutes because it was scored, and i was right.

i've incorporated parts of the kurt cobain suicide note into the track. the reason i did this was to incorporate the aesthetic of reading a suicide note into the song; i could have picked some other suicide note, it was the aesthetic of the note that was important and not the author or contents of the note itself, but i went with this one because it's recognizable. it also serves to obfuscate the messaging by adding another layer onto it. it can be interpreted or ignored, at your own choosing.


that really takes me to the end of a long demo tape. what am i going to do with these demos? a lot of them are written as rough ideas. the initial intent was to get ideas down to show to a drummer, but that idea seems impossible. are they good enough to send anywhere? well, i could try, right...

i heard that my aunt knows the new bassist for hole, melissa auf der maur. i don't know what concrete advantage giving her a tape may accomplish, but maybe it might land in interesting hands if she gets a demo. or maybe not. but maybe. so, maybe i'll send her a copy to listen to.

otherwise, i don't know what else to do with these demos besides listen to them. so, i think i'm going to take a few days to do just that.

maybe i'll make some liner notes or something when i send the tape out...

superman's dead?

well, i start my christmas holidays today. i want to finish the demo up first, and then i think i want to take some time away from the recording room. maybe my parents are right, maybe i do spend too much time down there. maybe i'd benefit from doing a little more reading. i might change my mind....

have you noticed that there's a new our lady peace single out? it's everywhere.

it's a little poppy, but it's also kind of dark in it's theme. what's he getting at there? the death of noble ideas? the end of the noblesse oblige? while a little more polished around the edges, it's not that far removed from the sound they explored on the second side of their first record. i do kind of hope that the rest of the record is a little less glossy, though.

a little worried about the math exam

i think i've mentioned here that my math class had absolutely no instruction in it, and i think in the end that that may have been a poor fit for me, academically.

he gave us the choice between handing in very long weekly assignments as a portion of the grade, or just having the final count for the entire grade. i do well on finals, so i saw this as a useful fallback from the start. then i just flat out forgot to do the first assignment, i guess i was distracted by other things, so i decided almost immediately that i had no choice but to cut my losses and just go for the final. once that decision had been made, the way i saw it was that if i was going to have to read through the text myself anyways, then i'd might as well put it off to the end of the semester and read it all at once. it seems like it took a little longer than i thought it would; i didn't really get to the last chapter. this would not have happened if i was in a class with instruction, as i would have followed along with the teacher in class and then done well on the final with minimal studying. yet, i should also admit that it would not have happened had i started studying a day or two earlier. nonetheless, i guess i just did not have the interest in the topic (grade 10 math) that is required to succeed in a class without instruction.

i did well on the stuff i knew how to do, but that was only about 80% of the test. that means i need to prepare myself for a B in math, which is something that nobody expects from me. on the up side, i suppose it means i'll go back to a class with instruction for next year, which i probably need to keep my attention focused.

a B in math is terrible for me, but i'm expected to get Bs in french and i think that's what i managed to get this semester. i should get a good mark in exploratory, because i can drop the F in pointilism and just average the As in computer science and design. as for english, i don't know - he gave me a good mark on the midterm, but i get the impression that he doesn't think i belong in the enriched class and i kind of have the expectation that he'll B+ me. that would again be an unexpectedly low mark for me, but i'm bracing for it.

demo #16: viewless

i became aware, this week, that my 100 minute master tape was getting close to full. this is just a tape that i've been dubbing demos on to since i started. if it's getting full, i guess i'm finishing a demo. if i'm finishing a demo, why not put a big epic part on the end?

my pile of written music had two musical frameworks left in it, and in fact these were two of the more intricately written parts, including notated overdubs - i had put off the most complex pieces until i understood what i was doing. i decided that i could put them together into a large ending catastrophe, with a plotline. the first one could be about somebody who is feeling unheard, and the second being about that person committing suicide.

i wrote the core of the music for the first part in the old house. it began with the guitar solo in the middle, and largely as a distraction when i was teaching myself how to play some parts from siamese dream. i distinctly remember putting the tab book for siamese dream down and picking up a piece of paper to write out the new tune i was jamming on. the song slowly grew around the guitar solo, developing many extra parts. i would add to the tablature score from time to time, when i was sure that a part had been permanently added. i've kept fairly close to the score in this construction.

the vocals have been adapted from an idea that i had written out at the old house, which was initially to try and animate a point of view for the victims of colonialism. i've adapted the idea by splicing it with the perspectives of somebody feeling unheard, to the point of entering a crisis point. you can still interpret it in the initial sense, if you desire, by interpreting my voice as that of the unheard, but do recognize that i've also consciously modified the intended context.

recording this track properly required me to make better use of the equipment in the studio, including using live mics on the amp distortion rather than just lining the guitars and basses in.




i decided that i had time to complete this track this week, and then study for the exams when it's done. see, i think it makes more sense to record first and then study because then i don't have to focus on remembering what i studied through the recording. if i wait and study after i'm done recording, like i did, then i'll be more focused and it will be fresher. i should have time to finish the other track after exams are finished, on thursday. i have two on wednesday, and one on thursday afternoon.