Uncle Elvis
Wow. Boring! This crap put me to sleep! Where the fuck does a band like this get its influence from? Cough syrup commercials?

deathtokoalas
sounds like bon jovi, mostly.

i honestly don't care if people enjoy this. i just wish they'd stop marketing it wrong. it's hair metal, and the demographic is teenage girls that think the singer is cute.

arod13arod
in what fucking deluded world do you live in that you think this sounds even remotely like bon jovi?

deathtokoalas
i don't know how you can miss it, really. but i think thursday sounded like bon jovi, too. that whole jersey punk thing was 90% bon jovi, 10% ian mackeye.

(deleted)

deathtokoalas
i'm sorry that you don't realize that corporate emo and hair metal are indistinguishable up to the age of the listener.

Nickelpitts
Stop hating on a talented band. If you don't like it, listen to your own crap. Just don't make fun of people's musical interest.

deathtokoalas
i didn't, honestly. i stated specifically that i have no ill will at all whatsoever in any form or content towards people who enjoy music of this particular variety. my interjection into the conversation was even with the specific intent of converting a crude outburst of disgust into a more tolerant discourse. you oaf. that being said, my lack of ill will towards those that do enjoy this does not in any way preclude me from making objective, comparable statements about the nature of said sound - namely that emo of the pop-punk variety is virtually indistinguishable from bon jovi in terms of melody and songwriting structure. they may have different hair. i'm talking about sound, though.

so, might i reflect to those that feel the need to jump to conclusions that inquiry is not equivalent to hostility and people that don't enjoy the same music as you don't therefore (implication i think, here, is key) hate you.

DatzWhatsUp
hahahahaha bon jovi hahahahaha

Nickelpitts
You know showing off your vocabulary  to defend your unneeded criticism doesn't make you appear smarter. If anything calling me a "oaf" does nothing but convince me further that you simply consider yourself as someone who has a issue with tearing a talented band down in order to make yourself seem like a musical prodigy. At least they are following their dream >.> not making fun of other musicians.

deathtokoalas
ok, but now you're basically conceding the point that i wasn't intending to tear anybody down and tearing down a strawman of me instead. and, to that end, i wish you great fun. i'd even help brainstorm strawman ideas to tear down if i didn't think it was a waste of time.

TheStory SoFar
Actually I've been listening to them for awhile now and I never once looked at the band members so no, not everyone likes bands for their looks. Its how they can relate to lyrics and how they like the sound. Get your head out of your ass and go somewhere else.

deathtokoalas
nonono, i'm the one that tells people they have their heads in their asses.

my statements admittedly excluded the caveat that some people have incomprehensibly bad taste. apologies. but, on the balance of probabilities...

i actually don't know what these kids look like either, i just assumed they have long hair and wear their shirts open. that's what they sound like, anyways...

TrulyHorrifying Productions
There is two types of people in this entire conversation. People who dont like the music and fans of the music.  Neither one can lose at the argument because both are providing theories that are un-falsifiable, one saying that the music is bad and one saying it is good.  Neither of the statements can be proven wrong because they are solely based on personal opinion one can tell the other as many things as they want to "prove" they're wrong but no one will ever come to conclusion because both people a basing their evidence on opinions.  Therefore it is pointless to argue with one another; so share your opinion and view others opinions with open mindedness everyone's personal interpretation of art is meant to be different so don't ruin it by being egotistical about your own opinion. Art was never meant to mean one thing it was meant to mean many things to many people.

deathtokoalas
you're trying to say something that intends to be technically correct, if somewhat lacking in it's application to art, but you're both interpreting it badly and misunderstanding what is written here.

i've been blatantly clear that i'm not judging this, but simply pointing out that the marketing is terrible. this isn't punk, and shouldn't be marketed as though it is. i wouldn't have even found my way here to this page at all if it weren't for the bad marketing. i don't often click through to bands that sound like bon jovi. what i'm irritated about is actually that i was tricked into listening to this at all. had it just been marketed as radio music like it should have been, i wouldn't have wasted my time with it. conversely, i think it likely that there's a lot of young people that could be connected to this by advertising it to a more bubblegum market.

i think that what you meant to say is rather that comparing music needs to be done in a way that is coherent. so, "dead kennedys are better than beethoven" isn't a meaningful statement. but, arguing over whether dead kennedys or black flag were better is something that can be done meaningfully.

TheStory SoFar
Let's just stop talking to her about it. She obviously doesn't understand that this sounds nothing like Bon Jovi and we don't want to listen to her act like she knows everything about music when she doesn't. I mean come on, she called this hair metal. She obviously has no idea what she's talking about so why allow her the satisfaction of your time to post a comment. Just leave her to her delusions and move on.

deathtokoalas
...but it does sound like bon jovi. bon jovi was exceedingly melodic corporate rock music without any kind of discernible message that was centered around fashion, designed for arena rock play and radio domination. this is precisely the same thing. they just have a different fashion sense, because they're separated by a generation. i'm sorry you don't see the comparison.

listen to this and then listen to "you give love a bad name" and tell me it isn't the same genre.

as for my own music, i don't think it's questionable that it is produced at a far higher level of detail and production. however, it isn't remotely comparable to any kind of corporate rock music. it's flat out moronic to try and compare a four minute radio song to a forty-five minute symphony. they're created for different purposes, and listened to for different reasons. i'm not going to reach any points of reflection listening to weezer (although i may still think it's fun from time to time), nor am i going to have fun dancing to arvo part at the local bar. i don't suffer idiots well, and have just flat out blocked that hopeless dipshit.

people (and especially you shallow corporate emo / hair metal "punks") need to learn not to dismiss things that they don't understand. i wouldn't expect many people that post here to understand the music i produce, but i'd rather they admit that than ignorantly kneejerk and dismiss it.

Erik Paulson
Hold up, you are comparing the two based on their business model, but your logic is heavily flawed. The business model of hair metal incorporated giant record labels, huge budgets, overbearing guitarists, band antics, ect. The lyrics are unarguably more interesting in this genre. To assume that people here wouldn't understand what you produce is also stupid. You constantly post about Adrian Belew, an artist who hasn't done anything particularly interesting since the 80's. In summation, It's fine that you don't like this, but you need to reconsider your comparison.

deathtokoalas
one of the strongest comparisons is in the lyrics. the primary concept within hair metal lyrics was the objectification of women, either directly through reduction to "sexual play thing" or abstractly into evil, jezebel types. that's why i picked that particular bon jovi track. the thematic unity into what has been called emo, with all it's woes of sexual malice, is heavy-handed - and, i would argue, mostly linear in direct influence.

i have to separate out a few acts. i think i was checking out citizen in the first place because they were touring with defeater, who are lyrically not at all comparable (and, musically, really are pretty "grunge"). then there's la dispute, which take the emo stereotypes to a transcendent point of absurdity (and i'd argue are actually mostly descendent from tool and the mars volta). so, there are certainly examples where what is called emo has more interesting lyrics than what is called hair metal. but, i think it's a stretch to compare citizen to defeater or la dispute or put them into the same genre in the first place. that is to say that this argument is not applicable to this band.

rather, overall, it's the comparisons in the lyrics that dominate.

how much classical music do you listen to, erik? how much do (or did) your parents listen to? how much do (or did) your grandparents listen to?

now, as for belew, he's been on my mind lately because i run a sort of a hobby review site. he happens to be my current topic of review. in actuality, belew's solo work in the 80s was terrible - mostly second rate bowie and byrne knockoffs. this is widely acknowledged. he was, however, involved in some of the most important records of the 90s. for example, he was responsible for most of nine inch nails' lead guitar work in the mid to late 90s (including on the downward spiral). his "strong period" actually begins in the mid-90s (when he was in his mid 40s), when he stopped trying to be somebody he wasn't.

you'd do well to have a little bit of respect for important and influential artists, rather than buy into the continued corporate narrative of generational overturn. when you grow up a little bit, you'll understand that age is something the industry correlates with music to create specialized markets, and pushing that narrative pretty much makes you a tool.

the site is over here for the curious:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/music/index/index.html

kurtless guhle
i don't know about you guys but music is suppose to bring people together, hold hands while singing the lyrics to your favorite song. not this shit, to be honest i thank the internet for showing me music but fuck all you hurting people craving attention. music is the only thing that makes sense in this world and you are ruining it one step at a time

deathtokoalas
ugh. fucking hippies.

world's full of conflict, man. best way to reach nirvana (pun not intended) is to shoot yourself in the forehead.

the hippies’ approach to revolution:

GUYS WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG.

bosses should love their employees as the force which gives them life and luxury, and employees should love their bosses for expropriating their labour.

marx is bad karma, man.

danny shuddup
For the record, they aren't hair metal, and I doubt anybody likes them for their looks. I like the band and no disrespect is meant but the singer sort of looks like Pepper from American Horror Story: Asylum. But yeah, look at their Waiting Room set and you can see that they aren't hair metal...

deathtokoalas
that reference means nothing to me. but this discussion has already been had, and it's already been explained that contemporary hair metal looks a little bit different than it used to - and that, musically, it's in the same category.

cklin114
"and that, musically, it's in the same category."

for fuck's sake, shut the fuck up

deathtokoalas
yeah, great. i provide all kinds of valid comparisons about the shared misogyny, melodic approaches and aesthetics of emo and hair metal, and your response is "shut the fuck up".

i'd rather extend the invitation to you, all of the fucking whiny brats that listen to this and all of the bands that perpetuate the continued idiocy.

danny shuddup
You shouldn't really be so judgemental when your own music is shit... And you look like fucking tiny tim

deathtokoalas
again, i'm not about to take critical evaluation from people that listen to glossy pop music. i wouldn't expect you to remotely understand anything that demonstrates any kind of depth.

people that listen to this kind of radio drivel are not my "target demographic" (if you'll allow me to be crude), and i really couldn't care less what you think - other than to correct your constant ignorance and/or tell you to shut up because you're being fucking annoying, yet again.

i was here to check out a band that was touring with defeater, and agreed with somebody's revolted reaction. because this is revoltingly bad, especially in comparison to something as in depth and intense as defeater. i would have probably skipped the show, had defeater not cancelled (and made the show not worth attending).

nor, again, was i intending to be particularly insulting. i was simply drawing attention to the reality that it sounds a whole lot like bon jovi.

danny shuddup
It sounds like your target is to not have a demographic

deathtokoalas
it's music for adults and precocious young people, which i'm not going to find many of here. i'm probably at least ten years older than you are, possibly closer to or maybe even more than fifteen (although probably not as many as twenty). and maybe i grew up too fast. but i happen to have a soft spot for no bullshit, riff-heavy, solid grunge (like defeater, not like this), which brought me into contact with this. i wouldn't normally go anywhere near this type of music or the people that listen to it...

danny shuddup
You might be confusing precocious with pretentious

deathtokoalas
no. rather, i'd suggest you don't know what either word means.

Matt Gaub
Mom- "Hey honey, what did you do today?"
You- "LEAVE ME ALONE, MOM! I'm getting into pointless Youtube arguments! I know more about music than anyone, and everyone needs to know that! Now make me my goddamn hot pocket!"
Mom- "Sounds good! Pepperoni pizza or ham and cheese?"
You- "HAM AND CHEESE! IT'S THE ORIGINAL!"

deathtokoalas
shut up and click my links.

and, yes, it's a far better idea than paying $50 to play an empty bar (plus 1 or 2 hopeless hipsters), while the kids stay home and surf their tablets. especially in this cozy suburb of detroit...

maybe, one day i'll meet some musicians with similar tastes. but, it hasn't happened yet, and i'm not counting on it.

so, shut up and click my links.

Memphis. Methods
You stated, "i actually don't know what these kids look like either, i just assumed they have long hair and wear their shirts open. that's what they sound like, anyways..." You just proved a lot of people's arguments about you. You stated they were a hair band yet you don't know what they look like."it's hair metal, and the demographic is teenage girls that think the singer is cute." You also stated above that you assumed. Assuming lead you to this long argument you've got yourself into. I understand that you meant no harm and you are probably trolling, but this has gone rather farther than expected I bet. This is something that will never end musically. No one really knows what genre something is. We all THINK we know when in reality we have no idea.  We are trained by ear to hear what we think. We can think that John Mayer is alternative, but someone else may say, "no no there's no way. He sounds Indie or folk rock to me!" No one is right or wrong. It's solely based on opinion. I hope you can understand my viewpoint on this subject. Thank you.

deathtokoalas
well, no. the evidence is the music. it may not look like a duck, but it walks like one and quacks like one. you can put a duck in a new suit, but it's still a duck. i don't have to know what they look like in order to understand what it is.

they don't have to have long hair and wear their shirts open to be hair metal. it's sort of an out of date caricature, which is something i pointed out repeatedly. and, you may try to gain a sense of humour about it, because you're missing the joke.

they write catchy, vacuous songs about broken relationships. that's what hair metal is, and what ian mackeye was trying to copy back in the 80s in order to sell more records to young girls.

Memphis. Methods
then again someone can say they make pop music. Pop is obviously what you just described.. Broken relationships and catchy lyrics. So do indie and alternative bands. You're basically describing every genre out there.

deathtokoalas
hair metal, pop, blues, emo, whatever - they're all basically the same thing. the point is that this isn't punk rock. what i was trying to express, initially, is that it sounds like bon jovi, not that it fits the precise definition of any specific genre. i brought in genre markers to solidify the bon jovi sound-alike comparison, not the other way around.

Memphis. Methods
I'm not talking about Bon Jovi. I don't listen to him.

deathtokoalas
bon jovi was a band, not a person, and it's an important difference because jon bon jovi mostly wrote ballads as a solo artist but the band, bon jovi, more or less invented what we now refer to as "emo".

if you like this, you should check out new jersey.

yes, they wrote an album called new jersey. because they were from new jersey. just.....like....

Evanya Parker
Honestly, if you don't like them; fair enough. But don't comment your unwanted opinion. The comments should only really be open to people who ENJOY the music and like it. We don't want to hear what you have to say :)

deathtokoalas
why do you think i care what you think, or that you're entitled to a greater share of the comment space?

Evanya Parker
I'm not entitled to a greater share of the comment space at all. I think everyone who enjoys the music and maybe even has some actual CONSTRUCTIVE criticism (which is rather pointless as the band wouldn't see it anyway) towards the music video should be allowed a greater space of the comment section than you.

deathtokoalas
well, that's nice. thanks for sharing.

(deleted)

deathtokoalas
this is mainstream crap, you buffoon.

Nowell Kishimoto
oh, so this is on MTV right? And the radio? Yeah, thought so. Smh.

deathtokoalas
well, there's lots of shitty bands out there that haven't hit a break, and probably never will. that doesn't have anything to do with whether it's written for mtv and radio or not. and this clearly was....

George Porte
You are the epitome of music snob elitist. Everything you say is pretentious. There are varying amounts of inaccessibility for music depending on how much attention you are willing to invest into it. Nobody is going to look at this album and say it's one of the best albums of all time, obviously. But that isn't what it's supposed to be and I think you're missing the point of it. No, this isn't relabeled hair metal about fashion sex drugs and rock n roll, it's literally a group of childhood friends who are like 19 writing easy going (and loosely MBV influenced) alt rock with pretty generic but relatable emo lyrics that a teenager would really empathize with. But according to you're logic every single artist has to put out music as challenging as say, the movie donnie darko is. But in reality, there are different types of music for people who prefer a different amount of depth. It's like saying a comedy movie like wayne's world is bad because it doesn't break any molds or try to be something different when in reality it doesn't have to in order to be considered a good movie. Anyway, music taste is completely subjective so you're entitled to your opinion; but if you base everything about an artist on how expiremental/avant garde or how "corporate" they are, I think you're missing the bigger picture, honestly.

deathtokoalas
indeed. buy more disposable garbage. keeps the economy going.

and i need to point out again that i was checking out an opening act and trying to soften somebody's criticism by pointing out that, as boring as it may be, it is what it is. i don't go around looking for 80s radio rock to criticize....

i didn't make it to the show for a variety of reasons. the process of getting papers to cross from windsor to detroit has proven absurdly slow. gotta make sure terrorists like me have a hard time of it, i guess. second, i don't think defeater made the show, anyways. something to do with a sore back.

i'd not have thought anything else of this if people hadn't continued responding for months and months. and, i'd have closed the thread and deleted most of the responses weeks ago if i was unkie elvis up there. alas...

Bearslikejaimie
This comment is really pointless. Lol

deathtokoalas
you're subscribing to this thread, admit it. which frightens me.

Adam Moscinski
people like you make me hate people

deathtokoalas
the feeling's probably mutual, kid.

installation file:
zoom.kmm

Nice to hear from you.

From: the surviving uncle
To: <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>

Yeah, the first few months are usually a bit up and down as you get familiar with your new surroundings, but I've always found it's good to actually take a chance in life and try something new. To what do you think you can attribute being more content than you have ever been?

reposting ignorance is bliss to google+

ignorance is bliss [2000]

re: got your card and check...

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother's email address

believe it or not, it is actually almost that cold here. the lows for the last week have been pushing -25, and there's another week of it. it's definitely unusual. they're consistently just missing records by a degree or so. but it is unusually cold here...

it was supposed to warm up this morning, but they shifted the forecast. now i'm debating whether i should do groceries in a -15 windchill or wait it out with spaghetti. i made sure to get several weeks worth of spaghetti, but it was for financial emergency not cold weather....

there's a few little things i need to get around the house. that's where it will go directly. but, it could easily be accounted backwards as a replacement for more frivolous spending last week.

....but, yeah. it's cold, but i've seen this before. people that have lived here their whole lives are in shock.

j

reposting gravity's rainbow to google+

no, google. i don't want you to hide the posts that get the least hits. they're the ones that the fewest people are seeing, and consequently require the most promotion. if you're going to hide anything, i'd rather you hide the posts that get the most hits.

and, no, i don't think my social media accounts should be a popular democracy. this is a personal fiefdom. i reign as a tyrant over these realms.

so, if you're going to hide the posts with the least hits, i'll keep posting them. and i'll call you assholes for it.

assholes.

04 gravity's rainbow [2000]

installation file:
PreSonus Studio One 2 Installer.exe

i've been watching this come up for a few weeks and it's finally here: i now officially have more followers than friends! woo!

and that doesn't include the ~300 people i've deleted over the past few years, several of whom are apparently still getting updates...

re: got your card and check...

From: grandmother's email address
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>

I'm glad to hear you received it, buy something frivolous with it!We are back in a deep freeze again,how about Windsor?We are in the minus 30 degree range I doubt it would be that cold there.Oh well January is nearly over & I can see the days are getting longer now.All for now~~ Ta Ta.

installation file:
accel.kmm

uploading acidosis (extended symphony one mix) to youtube

symphony 1 ("acidosis") [2000]

uploading curious george (sample mix) to youtube

curious george (sample mix) [2000]

uploading ignorance is bliss to youtube

this google/youtube interface is worse than facebook.

if i delete this completely useless comment, the video will disappear from my google+ page. so, i'd get used to seeing empty comments on most videos until whoever designed this horrible system pulls their head out of their own ass.

it would be nice if they'd just spin youtube off, or at least keep them completely separate, but using youtube nowadays more or less means using google+. in time, it will probably destroy youtube. seriously. invest in vimeo. these changes will not be popular.

for the mean time, the empty comment seems to be unavoidable.

it's defiant pointlessness is going to slowly enrage me until it reaches a breaking point, and then i'm going to go on a rampage.

ignorance is bliss [2000]

uploading the curious george suite to youtube

curious george suite [2000]

uploading gravity's rainbow to youtube

04 gravity's rainbow [2000]

uploading a commercial break to youtube

05 a commercial break [2000]

i got into an argument this evening.

listen: we could build a society where we're not exploiting each other. we have the technology. we just have to do it.

but all anybody ever says is "human nature this" and "work is sacred that". people don't want to build this society, they just want to be the person doing the exploiting.

to an extent, i realize how brainwashed people are, but to an extent they're fulfilling their own prophesy. they don't want to build a society that prevents themselves from holding the whips. people secretly conspire to be monarchs, running their own fiefdoms.

so, fuck you all, then. if you all insist on an exploitative society, i'm not about to bend over and take it. just because you're convinced you can be queen of make-believe land doesn't mean i should have to go do some stupid nonsense all day.

so, i'll exploit y'all by free loading.

don't like that? well, i have plenty of ideas if you want...

oh, i'm a utopian, am i? well, too bad, then. i have alternatives, but if you're going to fix my choice between getting fucked over and fucking you over because you want to fuck me over, then i'm going to fuck you over.

and fuck you for getting upset about it.

no rational individual would choose being exploited by others over exploiting others. it's not the choice i want, but it's the choice i have.

(the truth is i could fudge the accounting so that i'm living off of excess production, meaning i don't actually cost society a dime that they wouldn't have flushed down the toilet anyways, but it's an arbitrary exercise, and it really ignores the point.)

(at the end of the day, 75% of the money they give me goes back to them in taxes - most of it in property taxes. almost all of the rest of it goes towards food that would get thrown out if nobody bought it. i don't really cost the system anything in any kind of measurable terms.)

the day the local supermarket runs out of food, get back to me on this, but i'm not holding my breath on that.

change of strategy. it's a little indulgent, but it's the only way to approach the material comprehensively that maintains both the conceptual unity of the period, in a historical sense, and the chronological continuity moving many years into the future.

i have four midi compositions from early 2001: stuck in the middle of an alley that is closing in on all sides, the symphony of psilocybin induced madness, the time machine and the intersection of two identical particles moving in complete opposite directions. together, this implies that i was feeling trapped studying particle physics and responded by doing mushrooms and reading science fiction. or maybe not.

each of these tracks has multiple different versions, not the least of which includes a stark contrast between a midi version and a version with live guitars (although only the second has been recorded with live guitars, as of now). so, i'm going to record these tracks with live guitars. this is what i'm doing, here, i'm cleaning up my old tracks. i've hit the point where it's time to actually record some music.

i'm going to package it up in three ways (and for the symphony, actually 5). first, each of these tracks will come in their own singles. the singles will include midi mixes, live mixes and mixes in between. second, the midi mixes will be extracted to form their own lp, with a release date at the end of 2001 (and that also includes further midi songs, including a perverted choral piece (i'm going to think about ways to create this using samples) and a rave version of beethoven's fifth). third, the live versions will be further sequenced together in tetris.

this will allow the listener to either (1) listen to all the versions of a specific song, and/or (2) listen to all the midi versions of all the songs and/or (3) listen to all the live versions of all the songs.

however, i'm putting this on pause for a few days. i've been neglecting my reading in a rush to get to the point where i have some recording to do. it won't take more than a few days to catch up on the reading, at which point i'll put my schedule (half day reading, half day recording) back in place.

you can follow along with the reading over here if you'd like:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/dgkfgkdjdgkhyffa/121496877937755

file: drums.mid
composition: stuck in the middle of an alley closing in on all sides (original 2001 midi composition)
status: just the drums, isolated into a separate file for further mixing & manipulation

file: 01 stuck.wav
composition: stuck in the middle of an alley closing in on all sides (soundblaster render of original 2001 midi composition)
status: this score was modified over february, 2013, so this version is a discarded relic from 2001

ERROR: SENSORY OVERLOAD.

you have too many soundcards. please decide upon one soundcard and try again.

the setup is ridiculous. i've got cubase hooked up to an alesis multimix, which is great for recording multiple parts simultaneously. the pod has a soundcard in it, but i don't direct in much. if i'm going to direct in, i'd rather use an old soundblaster live drive!. and there's an m-audio for playback. i should probably point out that i've got the motherboard's hd chip turned right off [the drivers seems to want to dominate when they're installed].

so, now i'm playing back old midi files and am just being overwhelmed by the possibilities. worse, each synth has three or four different outs and they do all sound differently. i've determined that the "guitars" sound best through the soundblaster, but the drums sound best through the m-audio. so i'm probably going to actually mix it down from multiple synths....

i thought this would be fast and simple. guess not.

file: 03. preludio (short).mp3
composition:  preludio (short) (original cover of a renaissance guitar piece)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 02. little suite.mp3
composition:  little suite (original cover of a renaissance guitar piece)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 01. preludio.mp3
composition:  preludio (original cover of a renaissance guitar piece)
status: completed mp3 file

so, i've reupped this to fix the corruption.

http://youtu.be/-D-mIPQURkM

acidosis cover art (edited)

deny everything cover art (edited)

as mentioned in the update i just posted to jan 1, 2001, this run through my discography is entering a phase (very late 2000 to very early 2002, and beyond, actually) where i spent a lot of time writing music into score writers. the program i used was called 'noteworthy composer', which is a shareware program from the windows 9x period that was never bettered on the windows platform in terms of ease of use (although i admit i've used mac programs that equal it in this way). i don't know why so many windows programs thought users would prefer to use mice over keyboards to enter notes. it's a horribly slow process...and don't even get me started on that icky cubase roll shit...

anyways, it's something like composing in finale or sibelius, just using a program that i find to have a more efficient graphical user interface. the end result of that process creates a midi file that's designed to be played with a synthesizer.

i've considered doing so, but i'm deciding not to market this as chiptune. it isn't computer game music, or at least isn't in the sense of sounding like existing game music. nor is it written into a chip, or created using trackers, it's written into a score writer like a piece of classical music would be. there are overlaps due to the shared tools, but i've never been a gamer and haven't been influenced by that sound. it would be disingenuous.

...but what's coming is different than what i've posted previously. the idea will show up in projects that follow, but not to the same extent.

i'm also considering writing some facelifts into some existing ry30/midi combos from the inri period. it's all put aside. how much i'm going to do, i don't know yet. but, it's going to depend partially on the length of the record i get up. there's nearly an hour of scored music from 2001. i don't want to go over 80 minutes.

some of it has already been recorded conventionally; some of it will be recorded conventionally in the near future. i'm not letting that get in the way of getting the midi files up. from a historical perspective, that's what i was doing, so that's what i'm uploading.

this project is going to bleed most naturally into the tetris project.

unfortunately, i don't have proper dates for this material, either. it's all dated to may 15, 2003. the software i was using to burn seems to have chosen the burn date. this is a massive annoyance for everything up until may, 2003.

lastly, i'm going to have to decide whether i want to use existing renderings or re-render. midi files sound differently through different synths.

all of that means that it could be up to a week before this is uploaded. i'm going to want to upload it all at the same time....

====

cited update

the first half of 2001 is a slightly blurry period for me. musically, i was in a "serious music" phase that included an interest in the classical guitar and a lot of writing into score-writers. while actual recorded music in this period is minimal, i was doing quite a lot of writing in various contexts. my thinking in the period was more dominated by political research than musical thought. in conjunction to this, i think i was dealing with my first bout of (still undiagnosed) schizophrenia.

it was around this point that i started scrawling graphic relationships all over my wall, as can be seen in my deny everything cover art and other scattered fragments that have been saved. i launched my first research website some time around here.

i worked three jobs over the summer and walked out of the experience slightly damaged. then 9/11 happened, which hit me in a peculiar way because it seemed like it was the actualization of all the things i was studying. i understand, now, that i was actually being prepared for it. that is to say not myself, personally, but the internet, in general. that might be hard for younger people to grasp, but the internet seems to have been very controlled at this point in ways that were neither intuitive then nor now.

either way, two things happened in the fall that pulled me away from the research and got me back into the recording process - the first was 9/11 and the second was a project that a friend of mine was working on, first called the cynicide collaboration and later converted into rabit iz wolf. moving into 2002, that would be the main focus of my musical energy.

for this period, though, there's not much - just a few messy guitar pieces and a handful of scores that in some cases have still not been addressed. yet, i am going to address those scores now.

file: symphony 1 (_acidosis_) [2000].wmv
composition: symphony one (extended edit)
status: wmv movie maker file for youtube upload

publishing j’s adventures in guitarland (inri045)

so, after some months of denial, i've come to the sober realization that most of my classical guitar monstrosities are now forever lost in the consequences of a snow-flooded backyard shed. i would shed a tear, if it weren't for the reality that they've been lost to my mind and my fingers for far too many years to recover them, anyways.

i would have laughed at you if you would have told me i'd be sitting here, thirteen years later, lamenting the fact that i never recorded these pieces. yet, here i am.

there's not really a good reason why i never recorded these. i just didn't. it's true that i was distracted by other projects, and that i wanted to make sure they were perfectly imperfect before i let them out. that doesn't explain why i never bothered demoing them, or even just recording them half-assed for historical purposes. alas...now they are gone...

i took classical guitar lessons for about a year from spring '00 to spring '01. by that time, i'd been playing guitar for almost ten years and had been through many years of blues and jazz training, albeit not for several years before then. i didn't want to go back to rock-era instruction, but i felt i could benefit from approaching the guitar with a different perspective. i also wanted to learn a little about counterpoint. so, we went with renaissance pieces to start off with (and which comprise this short offering) and more avant pieces by the likes of leo brouwer near the end.

a punk with a classical guitar is still a punk, just a punk with a classical guitar. throughout the experience, my cobain instincts and hendrix flairs overpowered any demands to play nicely. the truth is the guy i was paying absolutely despised me, but he also had a muted level of respect for somebody with the panache to actually think about even trying to pull this shit off. i caught him open-jawed a few times, as impressed as he was shocked.

there were almost twenty of these things written out. he'd present me with a score and i'd just go to town with it, scrawling notes all over it, changing chords, making up notation symbols, just whatever i thought sounded better. the results were a legitimate fusion of noise rock and classical guitar music in a way that stressed technical playing over atmospheres. what is present here is the very tip of this iceberg.

yet, i didn't want to just record them. i wanted to recreate them. the version of little suite that is here is a good example of where i wanted to take these things. the problem i ran into was that i didn't know how to. which isn't to say that i didn't how to do what i wanted but that i couldn't conceive of what i wanted to do. so, i kept putting it off until that stroke of inspiration would finally come...

it never came, and is now lost.

there will be a second version of this; how far in the future that will be, i cannot say. i think a part of me wants to wait until i'm older and is happy i now have the excuse to do that. for now, though, i'm closing down this project, restricting it to this short ep and an album of unrealized dreams.

recorded in the first part of 2001. initially released as a bandcamp upload in august, 2010. re-released on january 18, 2014. as always, please use headphones.

credits:
j - classical and electric guitars, ebow, effects, organ, synthesizers, sound design, sampling, sequencing, drum programming, vocals, digital wave editing

original authors forgotten. please contact if you recognize these pieces.

released may 10, 2001

RE: a quick request

From: stepmother's email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>

When I start packing to move I will look for any other boxes of yours and will let you know if I find any.

RE: windsor

From: stepmother's email address
To: death.to.koalas@gmail.com

Well I am glad you are settled and able to do the things you enjoy!

Re: Hey.

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle

now? the first few months here were up and down, but i'm currently actually probably more content than i've ever been. i'm not using this address much, though. i'm more responsive at death.to.koalas@gmail.com.

j

Re: windsor

From: Jessica Murray [mailto:dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com]
To: stepmother's email address

hi.

i wasn't checking this address at all after i moved in. i think i needed some space. so, i was sort of ignoring the channel of communication, but not anybody specifically. i'm using my other address (death.to.koalas@gmail.com) more frequently.

it's been sort of mixed over the last few months. the first little bit was difficult, but i had a lot of things to keep my mind focused on. i had to get the shower replaced, for example. the landlord did that.

he's pretty good, considering it's a divey place in windsor. he inherited a big chunk of money from his family's concrete business as well as responsibility over his slightly autistic brother and more autistic niece. they live upstairs. he's got three other units in the place rented out to cover costs, which basically means property taxes. so, i lucked out in finding a landlord that's not really interested in maximizing profit on the unit. one of the things we agreed upon is no rent increases, for example. that makes the living arrangement very stable, so long as i can continue to find a reasonable source of income. this is a huge two-bedroom basement apartment that is roughly similar in size and layout to the entire basement on arnot (knock the wall behind the tv down, put a kitchen in the back room and separate out the two bedrooms and it's virtually identical) for $650.

at the moment, i think i'm fairly content. i've been focusing a lot on music and reading - the things i really care about. i don't know anybody here, but i'm introverted enough that i'm not all that concerned about it.

regarding the city itself, it's sort of weird. i'm used to having everything located downtown and didn't think that there might be a city that's arranged the other way around. in windsor, everything is in the suburbs. so, if i want to get to a store to get anything that's not groceries, i need to take a bus ride. what used to be the main street through the italian district (i'm just north of little italy and just south of a mostly arabic district) is now mostly boarded up. you can really see the effects of the urban decay. the downtown core is mostly dilapidated buildings that are decades beyond the point of repair and would be torn down if the property they're on was worth anything and instead are a mix of dying businesses and low-rent apartments. there are little pockets of upkept buildings, but the reality is that the city would actually benefit massively from a huge fire.

i'm kind of more interested in the music scene in detroit than i am in windsor in any way. i haven't bothered getting a phone yet, which has made it impossible for me to get across the border. first i have to get a phone number (and i'll probably finally get a pay-as-you-go internet phone in the next few weeks), then i have to get a nexus card. i can't get a passport because i'd need a ridiculous 6 references. the nexus card is for "low risk travelers". but they won't just let you across for the day with a birth certificate like they used to, and like i sort of assumed they would. so i can't really say how much i like the city yet because i don't feel i've really experienced it. i made it out to a punk show in october, but windsor isn't the destination that most of the bands coming through here that i'm interested in are going to pick (although the casino here will sometimes outbid detroit for moderately large acts that don't want to enter downtown detroit).

regarding the safety of detroit? i don't know yet. i've read some things that suggest that there are areas to avoid but, overall, it's not any worse than any other major city - so long as you avoid those areas. i can't think i look like much of a target. and most of the destinations i have circled require going through the core on a bus. so i get the impression it'll probably be fine. i guess i'll find out, though.

i think i'm legitimately happy, here, though. the whole arrangement plays into my introversion and is maximizing my ability to be creative.

j

a quick request

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: stepmother's email address

hi.

i hear you're moving soon. i know you've indicated to me that there aren't any extra boxes around, and that some things were damaged in the backyard on lexington and consequently discarded, but i'd just like to reiterate that i am missing a number of things that are important to me and that if you do find anything that you believe belongs to me i'd appreciate it if you contact me about shipping here instead of discarding it. i'm still holding out hope that there's a specific box of papers, books and posters that's hiding under a staircase somewhere or something.

i also lent my father a book about game theory, called "game theory and strategy". the author is philip straffin. i lent it to him before i packed anything up, so it would have probably just have been sitting out on his bookshelf. if that's around, it would be nice to have it returned as well.

j

re: sheet music

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister's email address

yes. those are the books.

actually, with the box of books, i think she may have taken it upon herself to take the books back that she thought belonged to her father or brother. this is partly why i was thinking the piano books may have made their way to you. she didn't *just* rebox, she took some stuff out in the process. see, i make lists of everything, so i have a list of books. i can compare. i've noticed a weak correlation between missing books and books that i picked up from her dad's basement after he died. some of them were actually her fathers, including some old translated soviet propaganda that i found quite interesting, as well as a copy of the republic, and some of them weren't - like the machiavelli, for example, or the iliad. but the theme of missing books seems to be "old books that she thought (sometimes correctly and sometimes incorrectly) were her fathers". excluding the old soviet propaganda, it's all stuff i can pick up for a few bucks at a garage sale or a used store.

unfortunately, the sheet music is both irreplaceable and worthless. the sad thing is that this is the case for most of the things that are missing. my old retired shirts are missing. i can't replace those and they're worth nothing. i can't replace a sketch that sarah drew of me playing guitar. i can't replace my "Certificate of Provenance" from coil, or the mogwai poster, or these other sorts of things that are gone.

*shrug*.

j

re: sheet music

From: sister's email address
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>

Did they look like these? I'm missing the whole set...(well, I've bought some of them over the years, but definitely not all the ones I had). They had some personal momentos (Ottawa Music Academy certificates) and notes in them that I wanted to keep as well. That sucks that they're gone for good.

Did I ever tell you that when they moved out of Normandy while I was in CHEO that she got rid of ALL of my books, CDs, as well as THREE leather trenchcoats and a bunch of clothes that I had? Never got an apology for that one either.

re: sheet music

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister's email address

the stuff was in there over the winter. the snow melted. it flooded. the reboxing occurred as a result of the flooding.

she's already indicated that she threw out "old boxes", "moldy binders" and "destroyed papers". i've realized since that she threw out at least one large box of books (because i'm missing a few text books, and some stuff by machiavelli, and other things).

i didn't really pay a lot of attention to the piano books. they were very elementary - grades 1, 2, 3. i think they were purple and pink. they had cubes or something on the front. i think i was going to give them to sarah for her kids, as she had an old piano in her living room, but they never found their way there.

ugh. taliban jackie strikes again. no use dwelling on it.

j

re: sheet music

From: sister's email address
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>

Which of my old piano books are you talking about, because I AM missing a bunch of my old piano books, and could never figure out where the hell they went. I have bought many replacements over the years from book shops and library sales. I don't have any guitar sheet music at all, but I also don't think there was ever a flood in the shed; are you referring to the shed on Lexington (3)? Everything was packed up into expensive banker boxes for you there, was it not? All I know is that all your stuff ended up in the garage in Findlay Creek, except for the electronics, which were kept in the basement. If you are missing electronic stuff, the stepmother would be the person to talk to about that, as it is possible that some little stuff like that was overlooked in the moving process. She is moving in the next few months, however, so I would get in touch with her about it sooner than later.

sheet music

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister's email address

i'm missing a great deal of sheet music. the stuff that's important to me is the stuff i marked up when taking classical guitar lessons at the end of 2000 and into 2001. that was a long time ago, but i always meant to record some of those marked up pieces when i had the time to do it. that never happened (well, i got two done, and have a midi version of a third). but, i'm running through my recordings and would like to complete this now, if i could.

of course, i don't remember any of the parts and it would certainly sound different now than it did then, but we can surprise ourselves in the way music comes back to us.

some of them were renaissance guitar pieces, others were celtic jigs and others were by people like leo brouwer. they've been scribbled over to the point that i'm the only person that could at all remotely understand any of it. you really couldn't miss them, if you have them.

and i think you might have them. the truth is a lot of things went missing. i had some electronics in boxes that may have been deduced to be empty and weren't. so, i lost a router and roland keys and other things. there were other boxes that may have been thrown out due to getting destroyed in the flood in the shed.

i'm hoping that's not what happened to the sheet music, though. it would have been packaged up together in a plastic bag or small box with the other sheet music, which included a bunch of your old piano books. i don't remember how i got those old piano books. i think you had decided you were going to throw them out, and i ended up with them instead. if you ended up with those old books, you ended up with the sheet music.

i would greatly appreciate it if you could return that sheet music to me if you do have it. if not, i guess it got destroyed by the water in the shed.

j

file: 03. preludio (short).wav
composition: preludio (short)
status: completed wav file

yeah. the master sounds fine. one of the copies got a little mangled. now i can't get the theory of ideal forms to go away. fuck you, plato.

it seems like i'll have to reupload a few things tonight. a mild annoyance, nothing to worry about.

that was an unscheduled break. i feel i needed it, though. head is now cleared, time to get back to it.

i have a bit of quality control listening to do in finishing up the deny everything period. i may have to slightly modify a few files. nothing substantial, but i may have accidentally uploaded some corrupt files. not sure yet (it might be something i've never noticed in the track). i should be on to the guitarland within hours and finished that by the weekend at the latest.

there's two major projects left to complete before i get back into the recording phase. one is a noise project that comes together through various sources, while the other is an indie rock project i did with an old friend of mine. these should be quick ups.

once those get up, i'm thrown into a hybrid trivial group / tetris period that is neither complete nor well organized. it will mostly be straight ups pushing into about '05. at that point, my first priority is likely going to be to complete my sixth symphony.

so, here i go, entering the end of the transition...

got your card and check...

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother's email address

thank you kindly :)

j

it seems like the guy upstairs has moved to the third floor. which has some short-term benefits. i think i'm now free to make smoothies between 11:00 PM and 8:00 AM. not that i wasn't before, but it's common courtesy to keep that kind of noise down. generally speaking, the larger noise buffer is sort of relieving.

nobody has said anything to me about noise, and i don't think that was the cause for the move. rather, i think the recent cold snap produced an evacuation.

personally, i saw it coming and prepared by cranking the heat a few days in advance. when the wind was blowing around out there near -50, the thermostat in my room was a hair under 24 degrees celsius; it was admittedly not able to hold itself there, and the temperature on the thermostat doesn't actually reflect the temperature in the room (which was more like 18 or 19) but the apartment was comfortable.

i realize, though, that it could have been very uncomfortable down here if i just let it sit at 20, oblivious to what was happening outside. i suspect that's why the guy upstairs retreated to safer ground.

which would be fine.

....'cept that the heat seems to now be off, altogether, upstairs. i'm a little worried, but at the same time the mild breeze is actually sort of refreshing. in addition to that meaning i'm going to have to boost my heat a bit, which is a mild adjustment if an adjustment ever was mild, i'm not entirely sure the plan was thought out; part of the reason it's hottest upstairs is that it's being heated by the two levels below it!

so, the end result is we both end up turning the heat up higher and neither is as warm as we were before. i can live through that, but i'm wondering just how bad an idea it is to let the wood floors freeze...

anyways, i think it'll be fine. my guess is that the heat comes back on up there in a day or two when the temperature falls. if not, i'll have to explain the situation, and i'm sure it'll get turned back on. really, i'm just becoming more and more intrigued by my landlord's family....

people wonder why i don't trust my mother...

mom
J..You need to get yourself another doctor down there and when the time comes your disability can certainly be extended or most likely be ongoing till you are 65...But you need to get yourself a doctor. Love You.... If you need to talk, I am here too!

Well...First find a gp and they will refer you... You need to talk like in your last post...That you feel very suicidal and stuff... I know, I know....A mental disability is much easier to get than a physical one. Play the game, if you have to... I mean, it is there for people...So, take advantage of it.... You can also pick up another $250.00 a month for a food allowance. You are sooooo slim, you can say that have been anorexic since you were a teen. It is ridiculous that they give the whole amount of the money for that syndrome.

But, they do.

Jessica Amber Murray
it's a two year short term odsp that runs out in september, when i'll have to go to an interview. i'm very much hoping it will get extended, but i'm not confident of it. "dysthemia" is total fucking bullshit, and they're going to know that. so it's going to depend on the attitude of the people, etc. but i was just thinking that i could probably get a diagnosis for something more serious. i bet i could convince a doctor to put me on the autism spectrum, then explain why that means i can't work. the life expectancy on my dad's side is well under 60. the oldest aunt looks like she's next. i bet the surviving uncle outlives them all...but he's not doing well either.... but, yeah. i should prioritize getting to a doctor. i remember wanting to do this a while ago and then realizing ohip doesn't cover anything psychological....but odsp might...

mom
Also say that you are lactose intolerant, have high cholersterol(sp?)(which, I believe you do).... and there are a few other things that will get you the whole thing...Look it up on the internet. I had to tell my doctor what to fill out and he did without a problem...I was thin like you...Oh and you have the irritable bowel syndrome thingy too...I think??

Jessica Amber Murray
i've never been tested for any of these things. i haven't been going to regular doctor checkups since i was in junior high school. i just hated waiting around for the doctor to finish, and i had a fear of needles i've never gotten over. i don't think i've ever told anybody that i skipped out on all of the booster shots back in jr high school, including that one year where there was a mandatory meningitis vaccination. the doctor almost killed me a few years ago for not having a tetanus shot on record. i skipped so many dr appointments in high school that the dr actually dropped me as a patient.

it's been infrequent clinic visits since...i figure doctors should be an on-demand service rather than something that's done on a regular schedule...

so, yeah. there could be any number of things wrong with me, but i have no idea. i would expect that my cholesterol is very low, actually. that’s not genetics, it’s lifestyle. my blood pressure has always been more or less "perfect". i’m not lactose intolerant. i don’t have a diagnosis for ibs, and don’t think i have it. i’m pretty physically healthy, really.

mom
I remember your cholesterol was high at one point....prolly genetic, cause mine is high and so is Nanny's...The anorexia, they can never know for sure...I just said that I suffered from it since I was a teen...Irritable bowel syndrome has no test...they just go by symptoms...

Jessica Amber Murray
no – i’m certain i’ve never had high cholesterol. you’re thinking of somebody else.

mom
you did!

Jessica Amber Murray
mom, i’ve spent most of my life biking twenty miles a week. i have no memory of being checked, but i almost certainly have exceedingly low cholesterol.

mom
your mother knows

Jessica Amber Murray
she clearly does not.

mom
listen to your mother!

Jessica Amber Murray.
ugh. whatever….

mom
Lactose intolerance....I said I have it...Said I have cramps and diarrhea every time I drink milk or eat cheese...LOL...Yeah right! I live on the damn stuff!...Oh well...They don't test one for it.

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, that stuff is whatever. if you gave me an extra $200/month, i'd probably just smoke a lot more pot. there's some bookshelves and stuff i'd like to get, but i don't really need it, long term. well, unless the rent goes up, i guess. but right now i'm more concerned about making sure i don't get kicked off it altogether. I think honesty is a better idea.

mom
Remember, my stinky little Charlie Brown's breath! Well...He had 8 rotten teeth pulled the other day, and they cleaned the rest...He smells wonderful now! Well, the extra money comes in handy for sure! You have to get an application form for special diet allowance and get your doc to fill it out. I truly believe that if you get a doc there asap..Your disability will be extended for sure.

Alot of times they start off with the 2year thing and then extend it for ongoing years and then you get a letter saying you are on it till you are 65.

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, but i've noticed a lot of people seem to give me this "wtf?" look when i walk in there, after they've seen my profile. young, white genetic male with no physical issues and a b. mathematics. how many retarded people have math degrees? oh. she's "depressed", poor baby. maybe cutting her off benefits will get her strength back up... see, that's what i'm worried about: some fucking thatcherite that thinks that Work Makes Us Strong and throwing me to the wolves will Toughen Me Up. these sadistic freaks actually exist. they've become more and more powerful over the last 20 years. it's the dominant mindset of bureaucrats since the mid 90s and may still have another decade or two of getting worse before a generational renewal reverses it....

mom
They look at what the doctor says in his report. Find your own doctor...They have to go by what the doctor says.... And talk alot about how depressed you feel and stuff....They cannot take any chances with a depressed person.

Jessica Amber Murray
i think it does come down mostly to the doctor.

mom
Yes, it does for sure. If you say that you are feeling OK most of the time...Then he/she puts that down...If you say that you are so depressed that it is hard on many days to even get out of bed and you have no energy and you starve yourself cause you feel fat all the time and you feel you are not in control of your life and you are not sure what you may do to yourself sometimes and you idolize suicide....They will NOT take any chances!

Yes...They will throw a script at you...Fill it...But just don't take it and get it refilled when necessary....throw them away.

Jessica Amber Murray
i'm really going to aim more for the asd or schizophrenic diagnosis. i think they're both accurate. i mean, there's obvious reasons why i've wanted to avoid those diagnoses. employment opportunities are going to dry up for autistic people. but that logic is no longer really applicable. i do not think i suffer from anything remotely close to clinical depression. i do think i have schizophrenia. and i do think i'm asd, in the broadest sense.

mom
Just come across as rather neurotic and that you are not sure about life anymore....That you cry alot and you feel deep down that you are unworthy and stuff....Don't diagnose yourself to them...Let them do it.

Jessica Amber Murray
but, i don’t cry to myself or feel I’m worthless. i’m not going to lie to them. what i *actually* tell people when they ask is that i'm on disability because i'm just flat out mad. and in all honesty that's the closest thing to the truth.

mom
Talk alot about being paranoid and stuff...

Jessica Amber Murray
i think it's a sort of a controlled schizophrenia.

mom
Yeah, well perhaps...But true schizophrenics are unaware of their condition...They believe these things are true and cannot tell the difference....So, don't tell them that! Let them diagnose you.

Jessica Amber Murray
i don’t think the part about schizophrenics being unaware of their delusions is actually true.

mom
I'm not sure either...But, I have seen a few over my lifetime and they appear to believe their delusions to be true.

In different therapy groups and places where I have spent some time many years ago when I was young...

It was very strange listening to them talk sometimes....

Jessica Amber Murray
in the most severe states, sure. and that's of course the fear that all schizophrenics live with. but i think the general condition is one that has more to do with balancing deductive and empirical reasoning. what happens is that deductive processes overpower empirical ones, leading people into these fantasies that make perfect sense to them on a rational level, and yet have nothing to do with reality as it's measured sensually. if you study my behaviour, that type of difficulty with deductive reasoning overpowering empirical reasoning goes right back to jhostbusters. it explains a lot of my behavioural problems, which in a lot of cases had to do with me being unable to construct the logic underlying the rules (and, rather, having my own sense of deductive reasoning that concluded my actions were justified). there's a big overlap with schizophrenia and mathematics. i don't think that's an accident: both are the result of exaggerating logic and deduction over evidence and experience.

anyways, if there's something to that, it follows that it's controllable by paying extra attention to empirical evidence. and that seems to be the focus that the schizophrenics i've read about (i've never met any) use to control it without meds. which is the same method i use.

i really, really don’t want to take the drugs.

mom
You are so knowledgeable on the subject for sure! I can't even understand the half of it....I need a dictionary to decipher much of what you are saying....What does empirical mean?

Jessica Amber Murray
this is sort of what i'm talking about, except i'm inserting deductive for "common sense" (based on a distinction in types of european philosophy): http://www.schizophrenia.com/sznews/archives/005699.html

Jeff
Your a brilliant person, just need to focus that on something that allows you to make money in the process. Surprised you never ended up in the science field or book writing for example. As far as life goes take it one day at a time and I'm sure you'll find something you like. Music is your passion but your mind was meant for far more! That's why I say science or writing books on sociology. Hang in there k

You might argue sociology due to certain personal traits like not liking other people but it doesn't mean you don't understand human behavior or deep thought into peoples behavior or actions cause from some posts you write I think you do at least write good thoughts on alot of issues so...what I'm saying is write books or papers for universities and see where it takes you,might axially get published!!

Jessica Amber Murray
*sigh*. i appreciate the kind words, but i'm really just venting. i don't think we ever communicated much over the internet back in the day, but these kinds of written rants are pretty normal for me. i've actually had a lot of difficulty separating the perception of the internet i grew up with (specifically, something that does not exist in real life) with the actuality of the internet in my adult life (something that does). ten or fifteen years ago, i would have posted that rant on a message board somewhere...now it's facebook...the difference is more in who sees it. that is to say that, while i don't think there's much of a path there, i do think i'm ok. i'm mostly just working out thoughts...

Jeff
Just thought id let you know that I hope you figure it out and stay positive Jess.

re: jessica murray's Music & HypedSound

From: Jonathan Jaeger <hypedsoundteam@gmail.com>
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>

Hi Jessica, I appreciate your thorough response, and I recognize that perhaps we aren't providing the niche or style of website you'd like. That's perfectly respectable. I did listen to several of your tracks. I find that kind of experimental music interesting. Typically I listen to a lot of ambient, electronic, and jazz music, so this isn't necessarily in my wheelhouse, but I appreciate the different textures and sound effects. I came across your Bandcamp on the Curious George track.

My meaning behind the website is not to follow a "trend" per se, it's too offer convenience for those with so many different places they have different media of different formats. While the artist might like to have many different platforms, if they want to give someone a taste of all their creative works, it's hard to do that with just a SoundCloud, just a Bandcamp, or just a YouTube or Instagram. Sometimes artists send me 10 different links to check out, and I imagine they are making it harder for potential listeners to check them out (sometimes too many different links/platforms leads to indecision or apathy).

I'm hoping to tailor the experience in such a way that the content speaks for itself, rather than a cluttered site with ads or too many features. The key is to show someone's creativity without losing focus. While I'm trying to create value in that way, I still understand if it's not your type of thing, and I appreciate what you're doing with your music.

Cheers,
Jonathan

i've been informed by multiple people that that last post was hard to read and have changed the privacy settings on it. i apologize if it upset you. i'm acknowledging it was upsetting.

i should probably start a livejournal site or something. is that site still up...?

except that this *is* that.

see, if i release the evil energy through my fingers then it escapes and floats off into the galaxy, leaving me free of it's consequences. i felt better not after posting it but while i was typing it. and that's the real point. you'll note that i'm sort of unflappable, aren't i? except i'm not, i just have my yoga typing rituals. public/private distinction.

...'cept, due to the adoption of various internet conventions, my latrine is now at the front of my house and y'all are on the lawn. what was once a way to expunge negative thought through a well hidden back out is now airing soiled laundry. and i don't quite want to yell at anybody to get off the lawn just yet.

but, this is a journal, and i'm going to exaggerate a bit sometimes. i'm agreeing that that was a tad heavy, heavy enough that it only needed to be posted just for me, and mostly because it is, in fact, hard to read, but a journal is the nature of what this is, and it's going to get a little prickly sometimes.

re: jessica murray's Music & HypedSound

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: Jonathan Jaeger <hypedsoundteam@gmail.com>

hi.

i'm sure some people will find this appealing. personally, though, i like the idea of presenting my music differently across platforms. i don't currently have any presentation needs that i feel are unmet by a facebook/youtube/bandcamp combination. my concerns are more to do with finding a way to reach the right audience.

i realize you probably didn't actually listen to anything. if you did, you'd realize that, as an artist, my primary need would be the creation of an internet space that is truly focused upon creative music, rather than fashions or trends or genres or the biases of the site mods. i need something that focuses on substance, not hype. it's probably not a coincidence that i feel i have the same problem as a consumer. the internet was supposed to make it easier to get through the hype; instead, we now have 300 websites acting the way mtv & radio used to, drowning everything out. that would be a shift to a comparable market if it weren't for the fact that the filters on the bottom have been ignored and have consequently lapsed into disuse. trying to find interesting experimental music on the internet is very difficult due to the oversaturation of the market on centralized sites like bandcamp.

the nature of my music makes it hard for me to market it as anything other than "different", which makes it hard to get picked up. sites that appeal to specific genres are going to universally reject it because it doesn't fit neatly into any genre (and will not appeal to the listener base). the nature of review sites is that they're constantly competing with each other for the ability to find the most pure representations of specific abstractions. i just don't exist in that kind of a market.

that is to say that i don't think another general music site is something that will be beneficial to struggling artists, or to consumers that listen to struggling artists. it just promises to further separate and saturate the market into "officially chosen trend" and "everything else". one giant database is not going to help me or people like me - rather, it's small and disconnected databases that appeal to specific audiences that are going to help unique artists connect with their difficult to define listening bases.

that's a role that needs to be taken up by a vibrant blog community, which can only happen outside of any corporate oversight. in economic terms, it's letting the market function rather than trying to control it through centralizing lists, trends and things of the like.

what something like this might be useful for is a listener of mainstream music that wants to connect with artists that they've heard elsewhere. those artists would have a reason to follow their audience to where they congregate. for the rest of us, it might even serve to reduce clutter.

i don't, however, think it's something that interests me at this time. what i need is something closer to a social media version of brainwashed.com.

j

it doesn't seem to matter what i do, that crushing feeling of emptiness is periodically inevitable. it's tied into realizing that the meaning i've temporarily tricked myself into creating is entirely constructed. and, getting out of it for another few days is a process that requires fooling myself once again. sometimes, i look back and actually cry about how trivial my motivations are. but they're the only motivations i have...

i don't need drugs. i'm not malfunctioning. i've come to a series of careful, reasoned conclusions and if you allow me the space to lay my arguments out i could very well convince the cheeriest people alive of these empty feelings that they seem to be oblivious to. to me, that's the head-scratching part of it. i really don't understand how so many people can be so happy - or bother pretending they're so happy - in the face of so much pointlessness. i don't want to understand this, either, as i feel it would necessarily require destroying a substantial number of brain cells.

i should have killed myself a long time ago, but i can't even really work up the nerve of even that. what's the point of suicide? i mean, these fleeting moments of contrived happiness, as well as these constant trials with myself, are surely more valuable than nothing at all? i'm most content when i ignore purpose and just exist. but i just can't come to terms with that in more than isolated stretches. i'm just constantly overwhelmed.

right now i'm mad at myself for it. i'm usually not. but right now i know i have to take advantage of this small period of freedom before it disappears. i can't be depressed or wasting my time thinking about what comes next (as though it matters, right? but these kinds of delusions are fundamental to building up any kind of motivation). i can't be losing myself in plans. the uncertainty, though, is gnawing.

what would i even do with this time period if i were using it to focus on the future like i'm supposed to be doing? i'm privileged enough to be able to re-educate myself largely as i see fit, but i've basically systematically ruled out any possible professional designation as a process of intellectually enslaving myself. the reason intellectual work is supposed to be more rewarding is that it provides for some freedom of thought, but that doesn't work when you can't get beyond any existing system of axioms without an objection that is so strong as to require mutiny. i'd actually have to suppress my views less as a wage slave than as a lawyer or a professor. there's no intellectual freedom there, there's no garden to frolic in - there's just the repetition of lies, the observance of conformity and the problem of cognitive dissonance.

i can't do tradeswork. i lack things like physical strength and motor skills. and i couldn't market a steak to a starving person.

so it's a process of looking forward to the reestablishment of my own enslavement, or getting lucky in extending my existing conditions. and why bother preparing for that? why not just hope you get lucky, and deal with the consequences if you don't?

there's no possible happy ending, it's just different levels of enslavement.

i realize they're going to throw it at me. "we gave you two years on disability to recover from a mental breakdown, and you wasted it in a scorched earth policy at carleton, followed by moving to the worst job market in the country and sitting around listening to music?"

well, yeah. it might be the last opportunity i get.

installation file:
wlsetup-web.exe

installation file:
winLAME-2010-beta2.msi

file: curious george (sample mix) [2000].wmv
composition: curious george (sample mix)
status: wmv movie maker file for youtube upload

file: ignorance is bliss [2000].wmv
composition: ignorance is bliss (album mix)
status: wmv movie maker file for youtube upload

file: curious george suite [2000].wmv
composition: curious george suite
status: wmv movie maker file for youtube upload

file: 04 gravity's rainbow [2000].mp4
composition: gravity’s rainbow (album mix)
status: downloaded youtube video

file: 05 a commercial break [2000].mp4
composition: a commercial break (album mix)
status: downloaded youtube video

file: 03. entropy (original mix) [1999].mp4
composition: entropy (original mix)
status: downloaded youtube video

the only audience i've ever reached is the secret service.

*cue drumroll*

jessica murray's Music & HypedSound

From: Jonathan Jaeger <hypedsoundteam@gmail.com>
To: death.to.koalas@gmail.com

Hi jessica murray,

I just checked out your music, very nice! I hope it's cool I mention a potential opportunity to share your music.

I run an online creative community that just relaunched called HypedSound -- we have a ton of music and a nice community going already. Some of the features of the site include the ability to upload all you audio/video/photos to one simple, clean profile as well as sync to your existing social networks. So, for example, you can pull in your YouTube, SoundCloud, and Instagram content all into one profile. A centralized hub for your creativity.

I'd love your feedback on the idea and the site if you have any interest. Always looking to get a conversation started. Here’s the link if you’d like to join the community or just want a profile as an easy way to centralize your content for your audience:

http://www.hypedsound.com

Thanks,
Jonathan@hypedsound.com

file: 06 acidosis.mp3
composition:  acidosis (album mix)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 05 a commercial break.mp3
composition:  a commercial break (album mix)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 04 gravity’s rainbow.mp3
composition:  gravity’s rainbow (album mix)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 03 curious george.mp3
composition: curious george (album mix)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 02 entropy.mp3
composition: entropy (album mix)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 01 ignorance is bliss.mp3
composition: ignorance is bliss (album mix)
status: completed mp3 file

publishing deny everything (inri041)

by posting a final final final final final version of this record, i'm transporting myself out of my deny everything phase and into a period where my main focus was playing the classical guitar.

this was the culmination of a year's worth of experiments in almost ideal working conditions, and as such represents a singular moment in my discography. the reason i've modified it so often is that i was in such a rush to get so many ideas out that i got sloppy. i'm confident that everything is resolved in this incarnation of the record, and the five eps i've spun off from it.

--

this is a project that has been through many incarnations and revisions, which should hopefully stabilize now that the tracks are entirely instrumental and the substantial number of outtakes have been categorized into companion eps. i don't expect to modify this further, but note that versions have been created roughly every 3.5 years since 2000 - in 2004, 2007, 2010 and now 2014. that slow, 15 year process of removing samples and reconstructing instrumental sections is now entirely complete.

what's left when the thematic ideas are stripped out is an eccentric and elaborate delve into psychedelic and electronic music that has no clear parallels that the author is aware of.

the record can be sectioned into 4 parts:

- ignorance is bliss [introduction]
- entropy/curious george/gravity's rainbow [program]
- a commercial break [intermission]
- acidosis [finale]

abridged versions of this record entitled 'symphony 1' should contain only the program and the finale, although condensed versions may leave out the beginning parts of the program.

recorded over the space of the year 2000. remixed substantially in 2004, 2007, 2010 and 2014. existing version finalized in jan, 2014. as always, please use headphones. 

an audience exists somewhere that will cherish this as the truly unique monstrosity that it is.

credits:
j- guitars of all types, bass, programming, drum programming, sequencing, synthesizers, live drums, piano, loops, films, noise generation, organ, ebow, flute, mandolin, treatments, effects, found sounds, sampling, sound design, generative synthesis, granular synthesis, generative percussion, light-sound synthesis, digital wave editing, production, coughs, a broken equalizer, cover art

the star trek sample in 'gravity's rainbow' is from the episode "errand of mercy" (mar 23, 1967).

the rendered electronic orchestra includes theremin, ukelele, orchestra hit, string ensemble, taiko drums, gongs, trumpet & sax.

released november 11, 2000

file: 02 screwy mix.mp3
composition: curious george (screwy mix)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 01 sample mix.mp3
composition: curious george (sample mix)
status: completed mp3 file

a commercial break (original album mix)

the story behind the song is not very remarkable. the working title for the track was just 'progblues thing'. it was intended to be a structured instrumental guitar track that mixed the flair of hendrix with the minimalist structure of steve reich.

it was also the result of my dad getting himself a drumkit for christmas that year, which my step-mother promptly placed in my bedroom as a disincentive for further use. score, i guess. but it didn't survive the move a few months later. in the mean time, i got some recordings out of it - as well as a few moderately crazy drunken weekend jam sessions.

i'll note that that christmas also produced a grand piano a few feet outside my door, which is heard in acidosis. it's intended recipient was my sister, but she wasn't around much. me? new pc, with a convenient recording interface, and some more functional microphones. despite talk of family jam spaces, one might suspect my father was actually conspiring in my favour. there is probably a great deal of truth in this suspicion. these conditions held for less than a year, but i made the most of them.

so, the idea of the track was initially about experimenting with the new reverb system built into my new soundcard interface, by triggering it with the drumkit that had recently magically appeared out of good fortune. it had been a few years since i'd played the kit much, and, unfortunately, it kind of does show. i had spent a little time practicing along with "nevermind" and "siamese dream" for a few weeks to get back in shape, but i wasn't really "there" yet at the time of this recording. i didn't want to program loops into the song, so i compensated by splicing the track up. of special interest in this wave editing is the backwards cymbals, and especially how they intersect with the soaring guitars.

and of those soaring guitars? a fairly simple blues pattern. sure is lovely, though, isn't it?

the original version of this track has a lengthy mlk sample in it and is available over here:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/let-freedom-ring

the speech became attached to the track when chance managed to have them playing simultaneously for me. i had cnn on in the corner. it was doing some kind of special on mlk, perhaps related to an anniversary that is related to a yearly holiday. placed together, it knocked me flat on my ass.

the idea in my mind from the start was integrationist, if not really consciously so. on the one hand, the guitar part is raw southern blues. on the other hand, the structure is sterile white minimalism. i didn't just realize this juxtaposition, i was trying to exploit it, even if the racial context hadn't occurred to me. when king's speech was played over it, though, the idea really exploded; the context became much deeper. it was an instant exponentiation in profundity.

in hindsight, there are some problems with this. i was a moderately wealthy white kid from canada. there was never much chance of me turning a profit on this, but if i did it would be a type of appropriation. the dr. king samples were removed from this track by the time this demo was initially packaged, which was november of 2000. that's probably for the best.

the second part of the track was recorded in june. it was a short that i had put aside for further development and then decided against further developing, so it ended up here as a sort of addendum to the track. it's really it's own thing, but it's been placed here so long that i don't want to separate it.

recorded over the course of the year 2000.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/a-commercial-break

deny everything cover art (edited)

installation file:
kmeleon.dll

curious george (replaced album mix)

musically, the track is a combination of an experiment with an idea. i should note that this suite together is maybe the first original track in the style that dominates my output over the next few years, even if it's incomplete (albeit hereby decreed complete). the idea was about creating "guitar symphonies" (and while i was aware of the work of oldfield and fripp, and of sonic youth and gybe!, branca was a black hole for me at the time) in a minimalist, electronic framework that most readily draws to mind the work of trent reznor. this is the first of many expressions and evolutions of that idea. the experiment was with a program called "leaf drums", which is a fairly basic drum machine except in it's ability to manipulate samples with effects in realtime (remember that this is the spring of 2000). once i had that loop running, i started playing some of the riffs i had put aside for the guitar symphony, mostly just to play around with them. it stuck far better than i expected....and that's really the extent of the track.

the bush sample at the beginning is a constructed loop rather than a direct quote. he was talking about gore - "this guy would say anything to get elected, i'd...". that was flipped around to "i'd say anything to get elected" and looped. well, at this point i don't think anybody is going to stand up for bush' honesty or credibility. regardless, the way i looped it purposefully pans it to make it obvious that it's not a direct quote.

the lost version was built up considerably further than this; this version has three guitar parts, the lost version had closer to ten. i was too focused on getting the samples together to worry about re-recording the guitar parts. i don't remember them at this point and will not make up new ones. to be honest, this is far easier to listen to, and, while i mourn the loss of the completed version, i'm actually happy that i kept a more stripped down one.

recorded in april, 2000. samples added in oct, 2000. album version reverted to original mix in sept, 2006. 

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/curious-george

publishing curious george (inri040)

this track was taken from the then lost curious george suite...
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/chimpanzees-cant-dance

...and loaded up with samples to raise awareness. the impression i was trying to create was that bush wasn't going to be a president who was particularly concerned with civil liberties because he had stated as much rather clearly. this is still pre-9/11, it was right before the election, and i still had no idea what was coming. i was just conscious of the fact that this is a guy that isn't going to stand up for anybody's rights, have much interest in maintaining the rule of law (international or otherwise) or have much respect for the democratic process.

even listening to it today, a lot of it is really surreal. at the time, i was focusing a bit on the irony. for example, his "people who are going to commit crimes shouldn't have guns" quote is cited in reference to himself - by that logic, he should have overseen an american disarmament. "this guy's not elected, he just took over office" quip was also meant to apply to him. i think it's largely forgotten that the news of a possible attempted coup hit before the 2000 election did. there was a buzz on the internet that the people behind bush (military contractors) weren't going to let him lose. the "court battle" in florida wasn't a completely surprising turn of events. it was gore's disinterest in fighting the legal battle (because it would "destabilize" the country) that hit people by surprise.

i've split this into it's own space because it belongs in it's own space. deny everything has been converted into abstract instrumental music; the samples don't belong there. it also seems disingenuous to insert it into the lost suite.

i think i need to be careful in stating that historical hindsight inoculates me in explaining what i hoped was obvious: that this is a thinly veiled call for the assassination of bush before he takes over. a tree fell in a forest here. alas.

recorded in april, 2000. samples added in oct, 2000. samples removed around 2010. as always, please use headphones.

credits:
j - guitars, effects, drum programming, sampling, sound design, digital wave editing

released october 13, 2000

acidosis (original album mix)

and, this is the continuous, single-track version of acidosis. i have removed the jungle noises sound sample collage from the end for this version.

this was constructed over a little more than a month: from 7/7-8/20, 2000.  

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/acidosis

file: 08 life goes on.mp3
composition: acidosis, eighth movement
status: completed mp3 file

file: 07 evolutionary dead-end.mp3
composition: acidosis, seventh movement
status: completed mp3 file

file: 06 destruction.mp3
composition: acidosis, sixth movement
status: completed mp3 file

file: 05 panic.mp3
composition: acidosis, fifth movement
status: completed mp3 file

file: 04 revelation.mp3
composition: acidosis, fourth movement
status: completed mp3 file

file: 03 confusion.mp3
composition: acidosis, third movement
status: completed mp3 file

file: 02 malfunction.mp3
composition: acidosis, second movement
status: completed mp3 file

file: 01 fumigation.mp3
composition: acidosis, first movement
status: completed mp3 file

the idea of it existing is enough to satisfy me. it doesn't have to actually exist.

publishing acidosis (inri039)

this is the core of my first symphony. it's a sort of a pun; it uses the medical condition of acidosis, which is when the ph level of a person's blood dips to a level that causes complications or death, to draw an analogy to the environmental destruction being carried out by industrial civilization. it also forwards my intuitive hypothesis that homo sapiens will ultimately end up as an evolutionary dead-end. more specifically, my view is that intelligence, as a trait, is ultimately an evolutionary disadvantage. well somebody else probably has that view too; i honestly couldn't cite anybody, sorry.

the material is presented here in fragmented format to properly outline the structure of the piece. it exists in one section on deny everything, and will be the dominant component of a larger first symphony file.

that sexy cover art is a couple of bitmaps of neurons played with in paint and superimposed onto each other in coagula. the sound of that sexy bitmap is heard in the song.

i think i'd rather let the piece stand by title alone, other than to point out that the reaction explored in the piece is really more general than any specific narrative justifies. it's a systems break down.

the music is half generated algorithmically and half played. the half random, largely atonal notes i had programmed into the generator created unusual jam circumstances that were fun to play with. as an example, the piano part is live, but it's being spurred on by the random synth bass underneath it. the computer was driving me, creatively; i think it produced interesting results, both out of me and in itself. as a rhythm section, the computer holds it's own here - as random as the notes are.

what centers the track, though, is a classical guitar part that i recorded very late one night. i was weirded out about things and wanted to get some shit out, so i recorded myself playing for close to a half hour. i think a lot of people don't realize just how powerful a guitar can be as an alternate outlet for aggression. psychologically, that's powerful shit.

i listened to the jam when i got my head clear and i was sort of fascinated by it's just raw emotion. it didn't make any musical sense, but it expressed an idea through it's dynamics. i ran it backwards through an effect designed to simulate a record player dying over exaggerated lengths of times and that became the idea to build around. the shape grew slowly, all the way into the analogy, from there.

this was constructed over a little more than a month: from 7/7-8/20, 2000. it seems to have been recombined into one track around 2007 but has otherwise not been modified. as always, please use headphones.

credits:
j - guitars of all types, bass, drum programming, synthesizers, piano, loops, noise generation, organ, ebow, flute, mandolin, treatments, effects, sound design, generative synthesis, digital wave editing, production, coughs, cover art

released august 20, 2000

ignorance is bliss (final album mix)

this is a brand new (jan, 2014) construction to replace the previous one, making it the third incarnation. and, if we accept dialectical reasoning, we can conclude it's a final outcome - unless it converts itself into another track altogether.

the thesis here was a fully produced version that included vocals. the antithesis was a minimal version that stripped out most of the production along with the lyrics. this synthesis brings the production back in while leaving the vocals out. i've tried to author my additions while keeping in mind the aesthetic ideals i was attached to in the period. that is to say that while this is a new mix, it belongs to the time the track was created - mid 2000. no new recorded sound has been added.

thesis (vocal mix), antithesis (2004 mix) and an early mix (inristart), as well as a completely different construction of the track, are available here, with write-ups:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/ignorance-is-bliss

i'm just going to talk a little about the specific changes in the 2014 mix. first, i've brought the introductory guitar solo back in, but extended it by reflecting it across the y axis. a backwards solo now follows the first solo. the reason i left it out was that it was written to segue into the vocals. that is to say that when the guitar part ended, the vocals began, and the track carried forward momentum through because of that. removing the vocals left the guitar part as a sort of bridge to nowhere. the extension by means of reflection resolves that issue of continuity, and reintegrates what was an interesting moment in the initial track.

the story around the bass part is sort of funny. the vocal mix actually contains what was a replacement bass part. it's a more playful part. yet, when i wanted to remove the vocals, i was forced to revert to the initial part. at the time, i decided that accepting the less interesting bass part was a valid trade-off for removing the bass. well, why not have two bass parts?

the vocal version also had a funk guitar part that was written to play off against the second bass part. this funk guitar part didn't make sense when contrasted against the initial bass part. yet, as i'm bringing in the second bass part, i can also bring in the funk guitar part.

there were two thunder claps in the vocal version that were inserted as sound effects - the thunder claps when the narrator opens an umbrella. while the first is nonsensical without the vocals, the second has been readded for dramatic effect.

lastly, i had a sequenced "ukelele" part running through the track. well, it's a sampler set up to a ukelele fret board. meaning it's triggering samples based on ukelele chord shapes. this is early 2000, way before that shit was trendy. nor has it ever been trendy in the context of being triggered by a computer. i digress...

it ran all the way through the vocal version, and, in hindsight, i don't know why. the minimal version is superior to the vocal version in this respect; the power of the drum machine drilling away underneath the interstellar synth parts is lost when clouded up by a bunch of goofy ukelele trills. instead, i've targeted the ukelele part to two specific sections: right after the first guitar solo, and leading up to the final swell before the fade.

these are the changes i've made in 2014, all of them with the intent to capture the entirety of the track as it was initially written.

as for the track itself, it's almost indescribable except to point out it's really psychedelic and really electronic and really epic.

created in the spring and summer of 2000. reconstructed in 2004 and again in 2014. final construction is dated to jan 13, 2014.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/ignorance-is-bliss

acidosis cover art

i was able to reconstruct what i was looking for through source. problem solved.

it would still be nice to open those files, though. there's no way i can buy this program. and nobody's pirating obsolete windows 98 software. so if you have a copy, i'd greatly appreciate you sending it to me :).

i'm wondering if people could think for a second if they might have a copy of a cd cover art program from the windows 9x period called "adaptec easy cd creator 3". they packaged it free with cd-burners in the late 90s. unfortunately, it was later purchased by roxio, and they were absolute jerks about maintaining backwards functionality. cl3 files will not open with new versions of roxio, not even version 4. only version 3. the internet isn't throwing a file back at me, so if anybody could iso one up and email it to me...

mixing records only has one rule: do not mix while inebriated. your ears are not trustworthy when baked. i repeat: your ears are not trustworthy when baked.

i am arrogantly flaunting this rule.

i can provide a reasoned argument.

i'm not just empty rebellion. such accusations are premature, hear me out!

see, while the rule is a reasonable rule of thumb, there are circumstances where music is meant to be consumed baked. under such circumstances, mixing should be done baked to capture the blur properly.

jess 1, rules 0.

of course, i made that rule up, and i am the only person under it's authority, so my assertion of sovereignty is somewhat trivial.

nonetheless, i am flaunting my own convention and will not be persuaded from it.

deny everything cover art

file: 04 cynicide mix.mp3
composition: ignorance is bliss (cynicide mix)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 03 inristart mix.mp3
composition: ignorance is bliss (base mix)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 02 2004 mix.mp3
composition: ignorance is bliss (minimal mix)
status: completed mp3 file

file: 01 vocal mix.mp3
composition: ignorance is bliss (original vocal mix)
status: completed mp3 file

i'm kind of laughing to myself. i've been getting upwards of 50 plays a day for a few weeks running now, and almost nobody ever makes it to the end of a track. i'm obviously not attracting the right kind of listener; these are things one needs to listen in *album length* chunks to get a full grasp of. i need to attract the kind of listener that makes it through to track 5 before they even begin to form an opinion. yet, such an audience may belong to more sophisticated times. that doesn't mean i can't have fun with the metrics.

it's almost like getting through one of these records or eps is like running a marathon, and all these weaklings that are getting to the page can't even get through a single track. which just makes me seem unfair, really. why create such a grueling track, you fucking masochistic lunatic!?!1! how am i supposed to make it through this? huh?

it's more of a disinterested creator than a masochistic one. reactions are largely meaningless to me. except maybe to laugh at how torturous an experience some of this must be when taken out of context by somebody looking for something conventional. i can imagine the horrified reaction, followed by the "skip button", which seems to dominate the play ratios. that's comedy gold to me.

it'd be nice if i could attract the right listener, though. i don't even mean in terms of enjoyment (an "audience"), but even just as having the approach of habitually listening to a few tracks sequentially when browsing. as a consumer, there's a lot of things i would have missed out on had i judged so quickly.

over the last month, ~45% of listeners have skipped the track before 0:30, indicating that they had no intention of listening to a new piece of music in the first place. ~52% have made it longer than that, but weren't able to complete the song. so, more than half tried, at least. yet, only 3.5% of listeners have been able to actually scale one of these epic peaks.

that's ok, i like the inaccessibility of it. but if i could get less of those people that will give up after 0:30...

i just don't get it...