Hello.
I apologize for the late response, but I
had a very difficult several weeks and needed some time to reflect
before attempting to engage with anybody in any kind of official
capacity. My relationship with my father was slightly strained over the
last few years of his life, but it remains a loss that I am likely to
feel deeply for many years to come.
I understand
that I need to explain my decision to move to Windsor, and will gladly
do so. I may even go so far as to suggest to your office that it is a
process you should actively involve yourselves with on a regular basis,
as the process would have been less erratic had I had a little bit of
help with it. I also feel that many people that live on ODSP in Ottawa
could have their quality of life profoundly increased by relocating
somewhere where the cost of living is dramatically lower. Within that
sentence lies the core of my reason to relocate, but it is void of any
kind of context. My diagnosis is PTSD, but I feel my condition is more
in the schizo-affective spectrum (and merely driven by stress), so to
get a proper grasp of the situation requires creating the context
through narrative. I'm willing to acknowledge at this point that I ended
up signing a lease in Windsor as a function of a stress-driven episode
or breakdown; while I hope it is by more than pure coincidence, I do
also feel very strongly that it was a positive decision that will help
me accomplish the goals that I have.
The first
thing that needs to be understood would be the rather hopeless
conditions I was living in. I stayed in my grandmother's spare room (in a
two bedroom apartment) from approximately November, 2011 until July,
2013. She allowed me to stay there because I had nowhere else to go, and
it was a safe and stable place for me, but she was openly hostile about
the fact that she did not want me there and threatened to throw me out
on multiple occasions. By this July passed, I had already missed several
deadlines related to me leaving and was expecting to be forcefully
ejected around September if I was unable to find anywhere else to go.
However, I also knew that I would be unable to find anywhere else to go,
so I was more or less just waiting out the time and planning for
whatever drastic actions that the inevitable would force into being. In
my case, that meant drinking a lot of alcohol with a close friend of
mine and ranting out various depression-fueled ballads.
It would be an error to accuse me of a lack of effort. I state this in
defense, and indignantly, as it should go without saying that failure
does not imply a deficit of labour as much as it implies a deficit of
ability; when we fail, we generally don't do so because we didn't try
hard enough, we do so because our strongest efforts were not good
enough. To create a market society that necessarily produces losers and
then blame the losers is an incoherent position, logically; it is the
system that produces losers, who are victims, and the system that must
change to get people out of that situation. Should I or anybody else
claw their way out, it would merely relegate another to the position.
There's no net gain by focusing on the individual, merely a continuation
of the harmful mindset that has precluded the problem of splitting
society into winners and losers.
That being said,
it seemed as though I found something in June, but the price seemed too
good to be true and the conditions on the lease demonstrated as much. I
applied for several places throughout June and July but was systemically
rejected from all of them. While I was never able to get a response
back on what the precise issues may have been, I can take a few guesses -
my credit is very bad, there are societal stigmas against people that
are unable to work due to disabilities (and many people that question if
this is actually really true), I am openly transgendered and I have a
deeper concept of classical Greek (albeit not much) than I do of
business-normality. Business-minded people tend to interpret me as
childish; while the feeling is mutual, artists don't tend to be property
agents so there wasn't much chance of me finding somebody I could see
eye-to-eye with. The reality is that finding an apartment in Ottawa is
something I would not have been able to do without some help from a body
of some sort, such as subsidized housing.
This is a
good place to bring up the cost of housing in Ottawa, which is beyond
what an ODSP living expenses allotment can be reasonably considered to
allow for. You don't have to take my word for this. There was a white
paper issued some time last year (Brighter Prospects: Transforming
Social Assistance in Ontario. Frances Lankin and Munir A. Sheikh) with a
*key recommendation* to calculate living expenses through a
market-dependent formula on a city-by-city basis to compensate for the
differences in rent prices across the province. In a city such as
Sudbury, $479/month may come close to providing for shelter. In Ottawa,
it is difficult to find a room for $479/month; bachelors usually run
over $700 and one bedrooms run close to $900, generally not including
utilities. The white paper suggested increasing living expenses in
Ottawa to account for this higher market cost while keeping amounts in
Sudbury steady (or perhaps even decreasing the shelter amount). I am not
surprised that the government has completely ignored this
recommendation in favour of hiding a push for workfare behind a phony
attack on ableism. However, the white paper demonstrates that this is a
problem that exists, that the government is failing to react to it (or
even acknowledge it) and that finding a solution is imperative. As the
government will not act to increase the living expenses allowance, I
feel anything that I might do to compensate should be commended and
possibly studied as a model of action. Certainly, *somebody* has to do
something about this.
The places I applied for in
Ottawa were at 80-90% of my monthly check and would have made living
day-to-day extremely difficult. They were the cheapest places I could
find that I could have actually lived in. I would have likely been
unable to afford proper nourishment for myself, clothes, entertainment,
or much of anything else besides the cost of rent and food. While I can
survive for very long periods on spaghetti and books, that's not much of
any kind of existence. I often found myself asking the following
question: if they wish to kill the weak, why not just go ahead and do
so? Why bother letting us live if the result is a sort of torturous
boredom? Did I want to bother with that kind of existence? I was
seriously contemplating suicide.
There are various
solutions that could be proposed. One is to find a rooming house, but
this wouldn't be possible for me. The reason I'm on disability is that I
can't function socially. Putting me into a rooming house is going to
exacerbate the problem and throw me into a series of episodic fits. In
order to maintain sound mental health, I need to spend a large amount of
time (probably close to 90% of it) completely alone - not with an
animal, not with a partner, nobody at all except me. So, this is an
option that is out of the question. A second would be to get a job, but
I'm facing two barriers in relation to this. The first barrier is that
I've found finding employment to be very difficult (discrimination due
to gender expression, artist/business incompatibility and other more
traditional reasons such as a lack of any kind of non-academic
experience relative to my age) and the second is again that I'm on
disability due to an inability to function socially and could not work
*enough* hours to compensate, anyways. A third option was to wait for
the condo boom to lead to a crash in the price of rent, but that could
take up to ten years and I had to find an answer as soon as possible.
So, there didn't really seem to be a solution, and often the only thing
that made sense was to get drunk and drown away the hopelessness....
....until a friend of mine completely accidentally provided me with a
solution I hadn't really contemplated: she suggested I move out of
Ottawa with her. At first, I wrote the idea off entirely as something I
couldn't afford to organize. However, the more I looked into it, the
more I realized how beneficial it would be to me if I could find a way
to get it done.
She picked Windsor as a
destination, and I ended up here before her, but that didn't
automatically place me here. The entire area of southern Ontario has
rent at half the price of Ottawa. Even Toronto has areas of low rent
housing...
What I began to see as I was studying
the rental markets of cities in Ontario is that it isn't Windsor that is
exceedingly cheap (although it is one of the cheapest places), but
Ottawa that is outrageously expensive. Worse, from my perspective, is
that Ottawa simply doesn't have a low rent market. Rent is mildly
cheaper in Vanier, but pretty much consistent across town. I can only
guess at reasons for this. It is possible to find a one-bedroom
apartment in the less safe areas of Toronto for under $479/month; why
isn't that true in Ottawa? Is it because there aren't unsafe areas in
Ottawa? Is it because there is a chronic shortage of subsidized housing
in Ottawa and this artificially inflates the cost of rent? Whatever the
reason, I need to be clear about the precise nature of this subtle
point. It may be true that Toronto is more expensive than Ottawa *on
average* once you've worked in all of the ridiculously expensive suites
on Yonge Street that there is not really a parallel to in Ottawa,
either. However, if you're on ODSP or welfare or even working minimum
wage, your options for cheap rent in Toronto are considerably better;
from the perspective of looking at the market from the bottom up, Ottawa
is incomparably more expensive than Toronto. It is the most expensive
place to live in Ontario, whereas Windsor is one of the cheapest.
Coming to this realization was actually very important, as it made me
realize that the situation was not hopeless after all - I just happened
to be stuck in the most expensive city in the province, by whatever
unfortunate twist of randomness. So long as I could find a way out of
Ottawa, things might be OK after all.
It was
decided, then, that we'd go down to Windsor to observe the situation.
She had friends we could stay with. No decisions about Windsor were made
at that point; I thought it would be a good idea to take a strong
survey of the entire area southeast and southwest of Toronto before any
serious decisions were made and decided to do that by hitchhiking.
Things worked out a little differently...
Before I
left, I wanted to spend some time with my father who was at the end
stages of terminal brain cancer. After three unsuccessful attempts at
surgery, he stopped taking his chemotherapy drugs at the beginning of
July. This was a conscious end-of-life decision; the third surgery left
him with some brain damage, and a fourth surgery would have almost
certainly left him severely brain damaged if it didn't kill him
outright. While my stepmother assured me that he'd be alive when I got
back, I didn't know how long I'd be gone and didn't want to miss the
opportunity to have a real and serious goodbye. The night before I left,
we had a very emotional phone call that I felt was a permanent goodbye
(he was losing control of his face muscles and therefore his ability to
talk), and it triggered me into a state of passive mania for the next
week or so that subsequent events only exacerbated. I was getting
updates about the situation every few days as I was traveling. As it is,
my father died on Sunday, July 28th while I was sleeping in a Tim
Horton's in Windsor; I signed a lease on Monday, July 29th to move in
for August 1st without any ability to finance, with the sole aim of
getting home in time for the funeral. The reality is that I was in a
haze the whole time I was gone, was not behaving particularly rationally
and barely remember large portions of the week at all. For somebody
with stress-related issues, that's a whole lot of stress to try and deal
with without reacting in a less than ideal manner.
I did, however, get a place in Windsor; and I did make it home for the
funeral. I may have wanted, ideally, to spend a little more time
shopping in the area by hitching rides from town to town, but my
willingness to do that was itself perhaps symptomatic of the mania I was
feeling all week (was I avoiding the pain of facing up to my father's
death by escaping town?) and in the end the place I got is something I
couldn't afford to have rented in Ottawa. Everything else aside, I feel
this is a smart decision that will help me live more comfortably on a
very small income.
I was able to finance first and
last ($1300) by taking a loan from my stepmother, and I borrowed
roughly that from my biological mother's friend (who was gracious enough
to drive) to rent a U-haul for 800 miles and pay for gas. If there are
any kinds of programs (such as the discretionary moving allowance, or
first/last rent helper startups) that are available to help me pay some
of this back, it would help me make this fresh start truly fresh. It's
going to take a long time to pay back $2500.
To
answer the question as to why I would move to Windsor, briefly: I simply
could not afford to live independently in Ottawa.
I have attached the essay I initially sent to ODSP a little over a year
ago, where I explain the reasons I applied for ODSP and what I hoped to
get from it. I do feel as though this move is a major step in getting
me along in the process. To update the situation, I spent the 2012-2013
school year studying Law at Carleton University (and completed a minor
in the subject). I feel this helped me work through some personal
issues, but do not think I am well suited for a career in this field.
I am not sure what kind of employment opportunities exist in Windsor,
but I am not convinced it particularly matters because I am not
confident about my abilities to convince an employer to hire me in the
first place. The reality is this: If I am unable to compete with
teenagers for service jobs in Ottawa, moving to Windsor is not going to
increase my chances, but is not going to significantly harm them either.
I am unlikely to find a job either way. I am more likely to secure
employment through luck or systemic aid than I am through competition on
the open job market. I don’t need more schooling – I have far too much
schooling – I need some kind of targeted job training and I need some
experience doing something useful (32 years old and with no experience
doing anything except reading books is a significant employment hurdle).
About the best thing (and the most realistic thing) I can say is that
my luck may be better here in Windsor than it was in Ottawa. However,
I’m not holding my breath. I’ll just have to see what happens.
Jessica
Monday, August 12, 2013
ugh. i'm ready to pay $100/month just to turn off the fucking radio. honestly.
this pop-techno craze is horrific. never before has there been a more simplistic, watered down, completely fucking boring style of music. worse, it's hopelessly generic. you can't even tell when the songs switch. it's impossible. they're all identical. relief seems to come in the form of sappy new country that was likely written with the intent of ending up in a hallmark commercial. ugh.
i like a very wide variety of music, both very mainstream and not so much, and from just about every time period. i admit i've never liked the radio much, but it's never been so *irritating* that i've sat there sincerely wishing they'd just turn it off altogether...
this pop-techno craze is horrific. never before has there been a more simplistic, watered down, completely fucking boring style of music. worse, it's hopelessly generic. you can't even tell when the songs switch. it's impossible. they're all identical. relief seems to come in the form of sappy new country that was likely written with the intent of ending up in a hallmark commercial. ugh.
i like a very wide variety of music, both very mainstream and not so much, and from just about every time period. i admit i've never liked the radio much, but it's never been so *irritating* that i've sat there sincerely wishing they'd just turn it off altogether...
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Re: can you please check the storage for boxes
From: grandmother’s email address
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
I searched through all the closets and didn't find any of your stuff. I do not recall you giving me a box to put away,other than the painting which I gave back to you.I also went down to the storage room to look & nothing there.Perhaps you have found it,I hope so.How are you doing ? I miss you & willy does too.I must run as Leo is waiting downstairs.
To: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
I searched through all the closets and didn't find any of your stuff. I do not recall you giving me a box to put away,other than the painting which I gave back to you.I also went down to the storage room to look & nothing there.Perhaps you have found it,I hope so.How are you doing ? I miss you & willy does too.I must run as Leo is waiting downstairs.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
mom
I found out that the truck was $500.10, car was $376(but, I think that is an overestimate(some money was pocketed there).... My trip home was NOTHING BUT ABUSIVE!....I am quite enraged at this person! I really want to just get out of this sick and twisted relationship for good...But, If I decide to have anything more to do with him... I will be charging him for my help that he expects from me...Say bout $20.00 an hour will be my fee to make his meals, tidy up his place, clean his ugly old trailor.....Listen to his big dumb mouth rattle on about unintelligible bullshit! Sorry for my rant... I feel better now. How's it going?? Your pics look like you are getting the place all set up...Looks Good!
$20.00 an hr. wouldn't possibly be enough for me to have to endure the ridiculous insanity of this person!
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i suppose i'm renovating. dad would laugh at me. there's still a lot of things to do... i've written up an essay for odsp, and will fax it to ottawa on monday. but, yeah. just setting the place up.
I found out that the truck was $500.10, car was $376(but, I think that is an overestimate(some money was pocketed there).... My trip home was NOTHING BUT ABUSIVE!....I am quite enraged at this person! I really want to just get out of this sick and twisted relationship for good...But, If I decide to have anything more to do with him... I will be charging him for my help that he expects from me...Say bout $20.00 an hour will be my fee to make his meals, tidy up his place, clean his ugly old trailor.....Listen to his big dumb mouth rattle on about unintelligible bullshit! Sorry for my rant... I feel better now. How's it going?? Your pics look like you are getting the place all set up...Looks Good!
$20.00 an hr. wouldn't possibly be enough for me to have to endure the ridiculous insanity of this person!
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i suppose i'm renovating. dad would laugh at me. there's still a lot of things to do... i've written up an essay for odsp, and will fax it to ottawa on monday. but, yeah. just setting the place up.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
panorama of the studio
panorama of the studio starting here.
i need to get some kind of table or something for those keyboards. what i was using previously was the side of a bookcase, which was great because it gave me space for effects pedals underneath. if i can, i'll go find a cheap book case at ikea or something...
so, most of those effects will end up underneath whatever holds up the keyboards.
the computer will end up in it's logical place, i just need to cut the back of the desk out altogether first (i got some exacto knives today). there will be a speaker (kef studio monitors, for the audiophiles) where the pc is. the pod is under the purple blanket. that little area in front of the pc is absolutely my foot space when recording...
that's a firewire interface. it acts as a mixing console, and can record 16 tracks simultaneously, but it's really just a *sound card* and a front-end for cubase (or pro tools, or whatever). there's a disassembled electronic drum kit in the corner...
this is a good set up, because i can just glide over from the keys to the snare and whatever else
is early 80s vintage yet? that there's a pretty old bass amp. it's also a fucking loud bass amp. bass amps are multipurpose. this little area is going to hold instruments though. i'll get some stands...
i'll have a little guitar corner over here for practicing attempts at reproduction, which is something that's inherently difficult for what i do (maybe you've seen people with those little loop boxes that allow for the emulation of multiple players, but i scoff in the general direction of these things - not remotely sufficient). besides, i'm a good enough player to play three or four parts at the same time. i don't need to compensate for shit with electronic gimmicks.
i had a plan to send the pod into a nad receiver and out into a pair of celestions. i'm probably speaking guitar g(r)eek here. let us retreat to some common ground and begin anew. we all know what a marshall stack is. the marshall stack is a collection of marshalls, stacked. inside each of those marshalls is a driven speaker. those speakers are manufactured by celestion. aaaah. the celestions got damaged, unfortunately. i don't want to take the pair from the living room apart, either. i'm rambling. in this corner, be guitar shrine.
so, most of those effects will end up underneath whatever holds up the keyboards.
this is a good set up, because i can just glide over from the keys to the snare and whatever else
i had a plan to send the pod into a nad receiver and out into a pair of celestions. i'm probably speaking guitar g(r)eek here. let us retreat to some common ground and begin anew. we all know what a marshall stack is. the marshall stack is a collection of marshalls, stacked. inside each of those marshalls is a driven speaker. those speakers are manufactured by celestion. aaaah. the celestions got damaged, unfortunately. i don't want to take the pair from the living room apart, either. i'm rambling. in this corner, be guitar shrine.
Jessica Amber Murray
you left yourself logged into google. i didn't read your email. could have, though.
ESA
Ok. Uhm i forgot to log outta everything. Please dont read mah shit.
Jessica Amber Murray
don't worry, i'll only post the most embarrassing things i can find in public :P (in all honesty, you can trust me on this. i didn't even hack your facebook account.)
ESA
Hahaha i hope so. Not that theres much thats embarassing. More dirty stuff i dont want my parents to see
Also. How the hell are ya? Youre in windsor!!!!!
Hows the first four days treating you
Jessica Amber Murray
it's not too exciting so far, i've mostly been unpacking and doing fun things like putting up drapes. when i've left the house it's just been to go get stuff. I figure I should have things sorted out by friday, but I may be out of cash until the first....lol. well, this is a big move for me. i took everything i owned. like, i'm buying appliances. a month lost is sort of minor in context.
ESA
What do you mean by a month lost? Also add mackaye on FB
Jessica Amber Murray
well, just that it's going to be a month before everything is set up and life is back to normal.
you left yourself logged into google. i didn't read your email. could have, though.
ESA
Ok. Uhm i forgot to log outta everything. Please dont read mah shit.
Jessica Amber Murray
don't worry, i'll only post the most embarrassing things i can find in public :P (in all honesty, you can trust me on this. i didn't even hack your facebook account.)
ESA
Hahaha i hope so. Not that theres much thats embarassing. More dirty stuff i dont want my parents to see
Also. How the hell are ya? Youre in windsor!!!!!
Hows the first four days treating you
Jessica Amber Murray
it's not too exciting so far, i've mostly been unpacking and doing fun things like putting up drapes. when i've left the house it's just been to go get stuff. I figure I should have things sorted out by friday, but I may be out of cash until the first....lol. well, this is a big move for me. i took everything i owned. like, i'm buying appliances. a month lost is sort of minor in context.
ESA
What do you mean by a month lost? Also add mackaye on FB
Jessica Amber Murray
well, just that it's going to be a month before everything is set up and life is back to normal.
RE: things that are missing
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Everything that was moved from Lexington (stored after your eviction from Bronson) was in the boxes you moved and all the musical equipment you stored was also present when you left here on Monday.......
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Everything that was moved from Lexington (stored after your eviction from Bronson) was in the boxes you moved and all the musical equipment you stored was also present when you left here on Monday.......
things that are missing
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address, sister’s email address
i'm actually very perturbed about some of this, but i'd like to begin by merely inquiring about a few things. some of the items that are missing will be easy to replace (like a dish drainer), whereas some of them will be impossible to replace.
the following items are missing. does anybody have any idea what happened to these things:
- a winston electric mandolin. last seen in fisher park.
- a ovation 12-string guitar. last seen in fisher park.
- my blanket. it was in a plastic garbage bag. last seen in fisher park.
- a box containing tax information going back many, many years. last seen on Bronson.
- a box containing genealogical and other research. last seen on Bronson.
- sheet music from when i was taking classical lessons. last seen on Bronson.
- a box that had cassette demoes, notes, cds and other things. this box contained the demoes and other relics of the music i recorded in the 90s and early 00s. last seen on Bronson.
- dish drainer
- one dixon microphone, and the sleeve it was in. last seen on Bronson.
- a box with things that were on my wall, which included a “certificate of provenance” from the band coil and a pencil portrait that sarah made of me, amongst other things. i think my grandmother may have this box.
I've also noticed that my cd collection seems a little light. i haven't sorted through it yet, but i have it catalogued online in a database and will be able to determine precisely what is missing, down to the exact pressing.
again: i don't want to begin by being standoffish. as you can see, a large amount of this is irreplaceable. what i want is to know what happened to it, and for you to help me get it back.
as for the musical equipment, i would at this moment consider it (legally) stolen and would demand it's immediate return.
j
To: stepmother’s email address, sister’s email address
i'm actually very perturbed about some of this, but i'd like to begin by merely inquiring about a few things. some of the items that are missing will be easy to replace (like a dish drainer), whereas some of them will be impossible to replace.
the following items are missing. does anybody have any idea what happened to these things:
- a winston electric mandolin. last seen in fisher park.
- a ovation 12-string guitar. last seen in fisher park.
- my blanket. it was in a plastic garbage bag. last seen in fisher park.
- a box containing tax information going back many, many years. last seen on Bronson.
- a box containing genealogical and other research. last seen on Bronson.
- sheet music from when i was taking classical lessons. last seen on Bronson.
- a box that had cassette demoes, notes, cds and other things. this box contained the demoes and other relics of the music i recorded in the 90s and early 00s. last seen on Bronson.
- dish drainer
- one dixon microphone, and the sleeve it was in. last seen on Bronson.
- a box with things that were on my wall, which included a “certificate of provenance” from the band coil and a pencil portrait that sarah made of me, amongst other things. i think my grandmother may have this box.
I've also noticed that my cd collection seems a little light. i haven't sorted through it yet, but i have it catalogued online in a database and will be able to determine precisely what is missing, down to the exact pressing.
again: i don't want to begin by being standoffish. as you can see, a large amount of this is irreplaceable. what i want is to know what happened to it, and for you to help me get it back.
as for the musical equipment, i would at this moment consider it (legally) stolen and would demand it's immediate return.
j
can you please check the storage for boxes
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: grandmother’s email address
hi.
I've got everything moved in. i'll send you some pictures when it's all set up. that's going to take a few weeks because i have to get some tables and shelves and stuff.
there are a few renovations that were left undone, as well. i'll have to ask the landlord about them. they're either not things I really care about (it looks like they were going to change the light fixture in the bathroom....not that i care that they didn't, but it would have been if they screwed the old fixture back in!) or things that will be quick to fix (the closet door in the bedroom was taken off to paint and never put back on). i'll have to do that today.
i'm certain you have a box of mine because it consisted of things i took down off the wall at the very last moment. there was a picture that sarah drew of me, a 'certificate of provenance' from a band called coil and other things that are invaluable to me. if it's not downstairs in storage, it must be in one of your closets. can you do a thorough check for me and get back to me on this?
j
To: grandmother’s email address
hi.
I've got everything moved in. i'll send you some pictures when it's all set up. that's going to take a few weeks because i have to get some tables and shelves and stuff.
there are a few renovations that were left undone, as well. i'll have to ask the landlord about them. they're either not things I really care about (it looks like they were going to change the light fixture in the bathroom....not that i care that they didn't, but it would have been if they screwed the old fixture back in!) or things that will be quick to fix (the closet door in the bedroom was taken off to paint and never put back on). i'll have to do that today.
i'm certain you have a box of mine because it consisted of things i took down off the wall at the very last moment. there was a picture that sarah drew of me, a 'certificate of provenance' from a band called coil and other things that are invaluable to me. if it's not downstairs in storage, it must be in one of your closets. can you do a thorough check for me and get back to me on this?
j
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
mom
Home now...What a nightmare on the way back! Traffic was horrible going through Toronto area. Wish we would have stayed a few days...Just rented a cheap motel room and spent more time with you...Very glad I was able to spend the time with you that I did...Wish it had been just you and I though...Miss you already! Love You.
Home now...What a nightmare on the way back! Traffic was horrible going through Toronto area. Wish we would have stayed a few days...Just rented a cheap motel room and spent more time with you...Very glad I was able to spend the time with you that I did...Wish it had been just you and I though...Miss you already! Love You.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
in windsor; still alive. kind of excited.
watching somebody literally tilt at windmills was sort of fun on the way in. sort of.
going to be a few weeks before I get the internet situation organized.
seems like i'm getting "free air conditioning" from the guy upstairs. it's a little chilly right this moment, but i'll get used to it and be happy about it if we get another heat wave.
i've had almost all of my possessions in storage for almost two years. a small amount of it seems to have disappeared, and i'm not happy about that, but we'll have to see what i can do about finding out what happened to it. i have a pretty good idea about what happened to some of it (like my electric mandolin, or my beat to shit acoustic 12-string) and no idea what happened to some of it (where did my blanket go?).
it's not like the internet wasn't already ubiquitous two years ago, and i've been a heavy user since the 90s, but unpacking some of these things is a little surreal in the sense of not realizing why i bothered keeping them: an answering machine, a giant world atlas from before the collapse of the soviet union, a copy of webster's dictionary.....
walking home from timmy's last night was also a little bit disturbing. i guess it was a little after midnight. i'm not really used to being catcalled at all, let alone the kind of abusive language i ended up on the other end of for the crime of walking down the street in a pair of tight pants. i'm not quite sure what it is that drives a car full of bros to yell "bitch" at a random person walking by minding their own business, or what the fuck somebody is thinking when they yell at a stranger to "shut their cunt". see, in the world i'm from, that kind of behaviour is grounds for somebody getting the shit kicked out of them. i was a little stoned, and a little shocked, so i just kept walking.....but i'm not shy with my fists, either. if that keeps up, i'm going to end up having to beat the shit out of some of idiots. i got a few yells when i was here before (a literal "hey girl", a "hey beautiful"), but it wasn't anything like that....
besides that, which is something i can deal with, the night's worth of reflection has left me happy about this. things are shaping up well. there's a ton of little things i need to do to get the place set up, and it's going to take a while, but i'm ok with spending the time on it.
watching somebody literally tilt at windmills was sort of fun on the way in. sort of.
going to be a few weeks before I get the internet situation organized.
seems like i'm getting "free air conditioning" from the guy upstairs. it's a little chilly right this moment, but i'll get used to it and be happy about it if we get another heat wave.
i've had almost all of my possessions in storage for almost two years. a small amount of it seems to have disappeared, and i'm not happy about that, but we'll have to see what i can do about finding out what happened to it. i have a pretty good idea about what happened to some of it (like my electric mandolin, or my beat to shit acoustic 12-string) and no idea what happened to some of it (where did my blanket go?).
it's not like the internet wasn't already ubiquitous two years ago, and i've been a heavy user since the 90s, but unpacking some of these things is a little surreal in the sense of not realizing why i bothered keeping them: an answering machine, a giant world atlas from before the collapse of the soviet union, a copy of webster's dictionary.....
walking home from timmy's last night was also a little bit disturbing. i guess it was a little after midnight. i'm not really used to being catcalled at all, let alone the kind of abusive language i ended up on the other end of for the crime of walking down the street in a pair of tight pants. i'm not quite sure what it is that drives a car full of bros to yell "bitch" at a random person walking by minding their own business, or what the fuck somebody is thinking when they yell at a stranger to "shut their cunt". see, in the world i'm from, that kind of behaviour is grounds for somebody getting the shit kicked out of them. i was a little stoned, and a little shocked, so i just kept walking.....but i'm not shy with my fists, either. if that keeps up, i'm going to end up having to beat the shit out of some of idiots. i got a few yells when i was here before (a literal "hey girl", a "hey beautiful"), but it wasn't anything like that....
besides that, which is something i can deal with, the night's worth of reflection has left me happy about this. things are shaping up well. there's a ton of little things i need to do to get the place set up, and it's going to take a while, but i'm ok with spending the time on it.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Re: hi again
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: d’s email address
i do think he'd want you to have those discs.
i'm going to wait until i get to windsor and have thought about it more carefully before i make any kind of list. i'm not very focused right this minute. and, in all honesty, some of those discs may even have gotten mixed up into my own things. i should check that as well.
really, though, it's just those two zappa discs that are screaming out at me to find them...
j
To: d’s email address
i do think he'd want you to have those discs.
i'm going to wait until i get to windsor and have thought about it more carefully before i make any kind of list. i'm not very focused right this minute. and, in all honesty, some of those discs may even have gotten mixed up into my own things. i should check that as well.
really, though, it's just those two zappa discs that are screaming out at me to find them...
j
(no subject heading)
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
If you are doing anything today I need to know soon.
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
If you are doing anything today I need to know soon.
Re: hi again
From: d’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Well after reading your 2 e-mails yesterday, I'm left with the following feelings.
1. You are making a great deal of assumptions.
2. You seem to have given yourself a great deal of self entitlement.
Now as for the CD's. I have a feeling you will be greatly disappointed since I likely do not have what you are looking for. You are correct, I do have some of your dads CD's. I do have a few prog things like the Flower Kings, Tomas Bolin, Spock's Beard, Pain of Salvation, Dream Theater. A few others would have been non-prog related such at Gary Moore, Robben Ford, Joni Mitchell. While I did take some discs, I also left a great deal of things since I already own a lot of what your dad had or have a burn of it already. What you should keep in mind is your dad has sold some of his discs and has also lent a lot of them them out over the past couple of years. I know this for a fact since he dropped a small box of CD's off at the Turning Point last year, I drove him. When I went through the disc's I notice a lot that were not there that I know he owned. Flower Kings, Allman Bros, Zappa, Yes, etc.. just to name a few. I don't believe he would sell these bands, so on loan seems more logical. At this point in time, I would recommend you send me a list of the specific discs you are looking for. If I happen to have taken any of these, I will consider mailing them to you in Windsor once you have moved there.
I want to thank you for the good chuckle that you gave me with the father/son analysis you seem to think your dad and I had. I've been in need of a good laugh lately. I have no intent on going into great details with you regarding the bond your father & I shared except to say that it was more brotherly than anything else. I can see how you got confused in your analysis since it could be viewed as a younger brother/older brother relationship since you seem to think age has some sort of relevancy here.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Well after reading your 2 e-mails yesterday, I'm left with the following feelings.
1. You are making a great deal of assumptions.
2. You seem to have given yourself a great deal of self entitlement.
Now as for the CD's. I have a feeling you will be greatly disappointed since I likely do not have what you are looking for. You are correct, I do have some of your dads CD's. I do have a few prog things like the Flower Kings, Tomas Bolin, Spock's Beard, Pain of Salvation, Dream Theater. A few others would have been non-prog related such at Gary Moore, Robben Ford, Joni Mitchell. While I did take some discs, I also left a great deal of things since I already own a lot of what your dad had or have a burn of it already. What you should keep in mind is your dad has sold some of his discs and has also lent a lot of them them out over the past couple of years. I know this for a fact since he dropped a small box of CD's off at the Turning Point last year, I drove him. When I went through the disc's I notice a lot that were not there that I know he owned. Flower Kings, Allman Bros, Zappa, Yes, etc.. just to name a few. I don't believe he would sell these bands, so on loan seems more logical. At this point in time, I would recommend you send me a list of the specific discs you are looking for. If I happen to have taken any of these, I will consider mailing them to you in Windsor once you have moved there.
I want to thank you for the good chuckle that you gave me with the father/son analysis you seem to think your dad and I had. I've been in need of a good laugh lately. I have no intent on going into great details with you regarding the bond your father & I shared except to say that it was more brotherly than anything else. I can see how you got confused in your analysis since it could be viewed as a younger brother/older brother relationship since you seem to think age has some sort of relevancy here.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
time to go out
ESA
Jess????
R u comi.g?
Jessica Amber Murray
sure
should i go now?
ESA
Lol i sent u like 8 msgs. Yeh im ready
Jessica Amber Murray
they didn't come through....i'll be there in a few minutes...
Jess????
R u comi.g?
Jessica Amber Murray
sure
should i go now?
ESA
Lol i sent u like 8 msgs. Yeh im ready
Jessica Amber Murray
they didn't come through....i'll be there in a few minutes...
we decided i should gorge myself with multi-course hintonburger in private and meet up again later
ESA
hey u wanna meet like at 8:30 ?
or smtng
8 ?
I forgot to get u to buy smokes. plus I dunno if u wanna play risk.
that's usually when I stop being tired and headachy during the day
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i'm good for 8.
or 8:30
ESA
don't mattah
Jessica Amber Murray
i'll just be sitting here, so msg me whenever.
ESA
kk
yeah you live close.
hey u wanna meet like at 8:30 ?
or smtng
8 ?
I forgot to get u to buy smokes. plus I dunno if u wanna play risk.
that's usually when I stop being tired and headachy during the day
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i'm good for 8.
or 8:30
ESA
don't mattah
Jessica Amber Murray
i'll just be sitting here, so msg me whenever.
ESA
kk
yeah you live close.
the hintonburger is a fine meal.
ESA
hey jessica
i'm going to the bank and then the lcbo if u wanna come
it'll be fun!
in about 30 minute s
Jessica Amber Murray
actually, i wanna get one last hintonburger in me, so, yeah, i'll go.
ESA
what does that have anything to do with that?
i'm confused
are you having a going away party ?
Jessica Amber Murray
well, it's in the same general direction... no going away party...
ESA
hmrph
Jessica Amber Murray
??
ok, well, i'm having a smoke and then i'm shaving so msg me when you're ready.
ESA
i'm ready
been up for 6.5 hours already
lolll
practiced piano, went to church, cleaned out my cupboards. I gotta make up for lost time.
Jessica Amber Murray
you said a half hour, that gives me time to smoke and shave. so, i'll msg you in 20-30 minutes then :P
ESA
ok.
or just come in 20 or 30 minutes
are you gonna get a hintonburger after?
Jessica Amber Murray
i dunno, i'll get there eventually.
ESA
K i'm down with getting a corn dog later
Jessica Amber Murray
(to hintonburger eventually. i'll stop by after i shave)
ESA
except now i'm officially gluten free. Officially I threw out all the pasta and bread from myhouse.
no more pizza and burger and beer for me
Jessica Amber Murray
you're probably better off cutting out the doritos and cigarettes, but i'm always in support of people making more healthy lifestyle decisions.
ESA
no. its because i'm celiac. I don't have the 150 dollars to get tested for it,
but before I had the same symptoms Ive been having, and I cut out the gluten, and the symptoms stopped. but then being "gluten-free" became some sort of yuppie bullshit trend, so I started drinking beer and eating pizza.
Its either i'm celiac or I have colitis.
but like 90% sure its the first one.
And I wont be able to eat doritos either.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'll be there in a few minutes.
hey jessica
i'm going to the bank and then the lcbo if u wanna come
it'll be fun!
in about 30 minute s
Jessica Amber Murray
actually, i wanna get one last hintonburger in me, so, yeah, i'll go.
ESA
what does that have anything to do with that?
i'm confused
are you having a going away party ?
Jessica Amber Murray
well, it's in the same general direction... no going away party...
ESA
hmrph
Jessica Amber Murray
??
ok, well, i'm having a smoke and then i'm shaving so msg me when you're ready.
ESA
i'm ready
been up for 6.5 hours already
lolll
practiced piano, went to church, cleaned out my cupboards. I gotta make up for lost time.
Jessica Amber Murray
you said a half hour, that gives me time to smoke and shave. so, i'll msg you in 20-30 minutes then :P
ESA
ok.
or just come in 20 or 30 minutes
are you gonna get a hintonburger after?
Jessica Amber Murray
i dunno, i'll get there eventually.
ESA
K i'm down with getting a corn dog later
Jessica Amber Murray
(to hintonburger eventually. i'll stop by after i shave)
ESA
except now i'm officially gluten free. Officially I threw out all the pasta and bread from myhouse.
no more pizza and burger and beer for me
Jessica Amber Murray
you're probably better off cutting out the doritos and cigarettes, but i'm always in support of people making more healthy lifestyle decisions.
ESA
no. its because i'm celiac. I don't have the 150 dollars to get tested for it,
but before I had the same symptoms Ive been having, and I cut out the gluten, and the symptoms stopped. but then being "gluten-free" became some sort of yuppie bullshit trend, so I started drinking beer and eating pizza.
Its either i'm celiac or I have colitis.
but like 90% sure its the first one.
And I wont be able to eat doritos either.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'll be there in a few minutes.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, so what are the logistics regarding monday? it doesn't seem like i'm going to get a ride. i need to get myself and some stuff (it's not a lot of stuff) from here to the truck, somehow. so, my options are as follows: 1) i could take a taxi-van. that's fine, if it's easiest. 2) i could hope nana gets home in time and give me a lift. if not, taxi. 3) the truck could come here first. is it driving by here anyways? 4) the truck could come here second. given that we'd have to take the 417 to at least bayshore, it's pretty much on the way. i'll have everything packed - it'll take 10-15 minutes to get it downstairs and into the truck. any option is fine. obviously, i'd rather avoid paying the cab fare. just let me know what makes sense and what doesn't.
ok, so what are the logistics regarding monday? it doesn't seem like i'm going to get a ride. i need to get myself and some stuff (it's not a lot of stuff) from here to the truck, somehow. so, my options are as follows: 1) i could take a taxi-van. that's fine, if it's easiest. 2) i could hope nana gets home in time and give me a lift. if not, taxi. 3) the truck could come here first. is it driving by here anyways? 4) the truck could come here second. given that we'd have to take the 417 to at least bayshore, it's pretty much on the way. i'll have everything packed - it'll take 10-15 minutes to get it downstairs and into the truck. any option is fine. obviously, i'd rather avoid paying the cab fare. just let me know what makes sense and what doesn't.
ok...
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm having trouble finding a ride.
i'm going to try to phone my grandmother again today. she's at her cottage, and it doesn't seem like leo is answering his cell. i know she'll be back on monday, but i'm not sure when. if i get a ride before then, i'll let you know, but it's not likely.
there are a few things that could work, but they all seem to get me there for monday around 5-6. the truck could maybe come here first; i need to get from here to there anyways. i don't know the logistics behind picking my mother up. my grandmother could be back in time. if she's not home by 4:45, i'll call a taxi-van and plan to be there for between 5:30 and 6:00.
...the point being that it doesn't seem likely at this point that i'll be able to get the stuff there before the general moving time.
j
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm having trouble finding a ride.
i'm going to try to phone my grandmother again today. she's at her cottage, and it doesn't seem like leo is answering his cell. i know she'll be back on monday, but i'm not sure when. if i get a ride before then, i'll let you know, but it's not likely.
there are a few things that could work, but they all seem to get me there for monday around 5-6. the truck could maybe come here first; i need to get from here to there anyways. i don't know the logistics behind picking my mother up. my grandmother could be back in time. if she's not home by 4:45, i'll call a taxi-van and plan to be there for between 5:30 and 6:00.
...the point being that it doesn't seem likely at this point that i'll be able to get the stuff there before the general moving time.
j
minivan
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: <shuttlejetservices@gmail.com>
i'm just wondering if the minivan is more than the car (with you guys, and in general), and if you do flat rates or everything by the minute?
i need to get a handful of boxes and a table from hintonburg to leitrim, and i'm trying to do it as cheaply as possible.
j
To: <shuttlejetservices@gmail.com>
i'm just wondering if the minivan is more than the car (with you guys, and in general), and if you do flat rates or everything by the minute?
i need to get a handful of boxes and a table from hintonburg to leitrim, and i'm trying to do it as cheaply as possible.
j
an empty request, thrown out into the void
can you do me a major favour?
can you drive me to my dad's place tomorrow or monday? whatever time is good for you. well, before 12:00 (noon) on monday.
i need a lift, and nothing's panning out. i just need to get some boxes from here to there.
mmmmmaybe we could get a coffee after.
i'm leaving for windsor monday night.
forever.
j
can you drive me to my dad's place tomorrow or monday? whatever time is good for you. well, before 12:00 (noon) on monday.
i need a lift, and nothing's panning out. i just need to get some boxes from here to there.
mmmmmaybe we could get a coffee after.
i'm leaving for windsor monday night.
forever.
j
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Jessica Amber Murray
did you get your dad's netbook yet? can you get it by monday?
also, what are you up to tonight? i think i'm finally feeling social. yesterday was fucking ridiculous, i spent all day tracking my dad's cds down at used stores...
ESA
uhmmm dunno what i'm up to... sleeping. not feeling superrr social. maybe we can hang out tomorrow? and i'll give u your laptop
Jessica Amber Murray
that works.
ESA
Saweetttt
did you get your dad's netbook yet? can you get it by monday?
also, what are you up to tonight? i think i'm finally feeling social. yesterday was fucking ridiculous, i spent all day tracking my dad's cds down at used stores...
ESA
uhmmm dunno what i'm up to... sleeping. not feeling superrr social. maybe we can hang out tomorrow? and i'll give u your laptop
Jessica Amber Murray
that works.
ESA
Saweetttt
bicycle?
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
how much would you want for that bicycle? or do you want me to just take it off your hands?
i kind of screwed mine up a little worse than i thought. i was trying to straighten the handle bars, and i ended up losing a lot of the ball bearings that allow the front handle bars to turn (i twisted the wrong allan key open). it's still rideable, but it's not very safe unless i'm moving fairly slowly because turning is very jagged.
i took a walk down to the closest store and the guy in the store said it'll cost about $50 to fix it. i mean, i just need to get the ball bearings in, but i've never done that before, so i'd rather get somebody to do it. the thing is that that bike in your garage is the same model. so, if i can get that bike cheaper, it would make more sense to keep the one i have for spare parts...or fix it and keep it as a backup in case i've got a flat or something. i had two bikes for a long time and found it very convenient for that reason.
j
To: stepmother’s email address
how much would you want for that bicycle? or do you want me to just take it off your hands?
i kind of screwed mine up a little worse than i thought. i was trying to straighten the handle bars, and i ended up losing a lot of the ball bearings that allow the front handle bars to turn (i twisted the wrong allan key open). it's still rideable, but it's not very safe unless i'm moving fairly slowly because turning is very jagged.
i took a walk down to the closest store and the guy in the store said it'll cost about $50 to fix it. i mean, i just need to get the ball bearings in, but i've never done that before, so i'd rather get somebody to do it. the thing is that that bike in your garage is the same model. so, if i can get that bike cheaper, it would make more sense to keep the one i have for spare parts...or fix it and keep it as a backup in case i've got a flat or something. i had two bikes for a long time and found it very convenient for that reason.
j
Re: my father's cds
From: the surviving uncle’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Well, it sounds to me like you have a pretty good handle on the situation, all of them actually. People rarely deal with the real issues and if they do, it's usually a long time coming. Nobody expected your dad to go as quickly as he did and as you well know it's not something that could have been predicted with any kind of accuracy. You had a chance to say goodbye and that's what counts. Often, we don't get that opportunity.
there were frequent occasions when my dad talked about leaving her. he always said he couldn't leave her because she'd self-destruct into a rage and possibly even harm herself. i'm a little worried she's in the process of doing this, but i don't know a way i can help and i'm even worried that if i try it'll make things worse.
We talked about this often. He did his part and though he may have hoped you would have some sort of relationship with her, he didn't really expect it would happen as he was not delusional. I wouldn't send anything to ferris as it really no longer concerns you in any way. Let her family worry about her. Your dad wanted you to take care of yourself and for you to be happy. So do that. Do it for you and do it for him.
We (your dad's family) do very much consider you family, so keep in touch and let us know where you are and how we can reach you. If there is anything we can help with, let us know.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Well, it sounds to me like you have a pretty good handle on the situation, all of them actually. People rarely deal with the real issues and if they do, it's usually a long time coming. Nobody expected your dad to go as quickly as he did and as you well know it's not something that could have been predicted with any kind of accuracy. You had a chance to say goodbye and that's what counts. Often, we don't get that opportunity.
there were frequent occasions when my dad talked about leaving her. he always said he couldn't leave her because she'd self-destruct into a rage and possibly even harm herself. i'm a little worried she's in the process of doing this, but i don't know a way i can help and i'm even worried that if i try it'll make things worse.
We talked about this often. He did his part and though he may have hoped you would have some sort of relationship with her, he didn't really expect it would happen as he was not delusional. I wouldn't send anything to ferris as it really no longer concerns you in any way. Let her family worry about her. Your dad wanted you to take care of yourself and for you to be happy. So do that. Do it for you and do it for him.
We (your dad's family) do very much consider you family, so keep in touch and let us know where you are and how we can reach you. If there is anything we can help with, let us know.
Re: my father's cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle’s email address
i'll be picking my stuff up and leaving on monday.
it turns out d has a bunch of them. i'm hoping he'll let me sort through them. there's only a handful more of them that i was hoping for, but, if not, in all honesty, the fact that i have at least a few is sort of enough. most of the stuff i wanted is really easy to find anywhere: dark side, sgt peppers, aladin sane...stuff that you can get for $1 at any garage sale...but stuff that i was really attached to. off of the top of my head, the only other things i was hoping to find were joe's garage and the apostrophe/overnite sensation split.
she's actually giving me a lot of stuff, and i appreciate that, and i do trust her to at least not destroy the things i have. i can only hope that trust is properly placed. if there's significant damage, i'm going to have to sue her. she *is* legally obligated not to harm property that doesn't belong to her, and she understands that. if she chooses to act otherwise, she'll have to take responsibility for that. i don't want to do that, obviously...
the thing i understand is that this isn't actually about me, even if it seems like it is at first. when she's upset or does things that don't seem to make much sense, it's rarely about what's on the surface. what she does is pick scapegoats and then heap all kinds of abuse on to them. i mean, she's obviously upset right now, and has a good reason to be. what she's doing is taking out all of her grief and anger and frustration and hurt on me because i'm the scapegoat she's picked for that. she doesn't require a good reason to do that. often, she doesn't require any reason at all, or will make up a reason to justify it. if i want to get clinical, it's sort of a classic example of somebody passing on abusive behaviour across generations.
so, maybe she's a little upset that i wasn't there at the very end. i don't really know what to say other than that my relationship with my father is something that existed between my father and i. i spent a lot of time with him the week before i left, because i wasn't sure if he'd make it until i got back. and i even asked her - is he expected to make it through the week? should i reschedule? and she told me it would be fine and i should go. on top of that, i had a really emotional conversation with him the night before i left. it was a goodbye call. it felt final. despite what she said about him making it through the week, when i left i felt the goodbyes had been said. i expected to not see him again. and i was at peace with that. again, that's between me and my dad, not between me and the stepmother.
to an extent, she might be internalizing that. she told me he'd still be here when i got back, and he wasn't, so she might be feeling guilty about that. of course that's not her fault, and i wouldn't blame her for it. but if she *feels* like it's her fault, then her response would be to reject that guilt and project it on to somebody else. and, of course, i'm the convenient scape goat. it's even easier, in this circumstance, given the context.
so, she would be able to construct an elaborate fantasy about me not loving my father as a shield to protect her from that guilt that she shouldn't be feeling in the first place. if i didn't love my father, i shouldn't get anything from him.
this seems complex and arbitrary, but she has a lot of complex issues, and i've dealt a lot with them over the years. i feel i have a certain power of psycho-analysis through experience. it's certainly *something* like this - she is *somehow* projecting all her hurt and sadness on to me as a release, and it's neither my fault nor does it really have much to do with me at all.
but, you're right - i can't talk it through with her. i always needed dad to do that.
it's just a few more days...
when i'm gone, she'll key on somebody else. it's not going to end until she can come to terms with things and understand what she's doing. but, realistically, just about every approach has been tried over 35 or 40 years, so i don't know what's going to happen.
there were frequent occasions when my dad talked about leaving her. he always said he couldn't leave her because she'd self-destruct into a rage and possibly even harm herself. i'm a little worried she's in the process of doing this, but i don't know a way i can help and i'm even worried that if i try it'll make things worse.
i'll probably wait until i leave and then send something to her brother, ferris.
j
To: the surviving uncle’s email address
i'll be picking my stuff up and leaving on monday.
it turns out d has a bunch of them. i'm hoping he'll let me sort through them. there's only a handful more of them that i was hoping for, but, if not, in all honesty, the fact that i have at least a few is sort of enough. most of the stuff i wanted is really easy to find anywhere: dark side, sgt peppers, aladin sane...stuff that you can get for $1 at any garage sale...but stuff that i was really attached to. off of the top of my head, the only other things i was hoping to find were joe's garage and the apostrophe/overnite sensation split.
she's actually giving me a lot of stuff, and i appreciate that, and i do trust her to at least not destroy the things i have. i can only hope that trust is properly placed. if there's significant damage, i'm going to have to sue her. she *is* legally obligated not to harm property that doesn't belong to her, and she understands that. if she chooses to act otherwise, she'll have to take responsibility for that. i don't want to do that, obviously...
the thing i understand is that this isn't actually about me, even if it seems like it is at first. when she's upset or does things that don't seem to make much sense, it's rarely about what's on the surface. what she does is pick scapegoats and then heap all kinds of abuse on to them. i mean, she's obviously upset right now, and has a good reason to be. what she's doing is taking out all of her grief and anger and frustration and hurt on me because i'm the scapegoat she's picked for that. she doesn't require a good reason to do that. often, she doesn't require any reason at all, or will make up a reason to justify it. if i want to get clinical, it's sort of a classic example of somebody passing on abusive behaviour across generations.
so, maybe she's a little upset that i wasn't there at the very end. i don't really know what to say other than that my relationship with my father is something that existed between my father and i. i spent a lot of time with him the week before i left, because i wasn't sure if he'd make it until i got back. and i even asked her - is he expected to make it through the week? should i reschedule? and she told me it would be fine and i should go. on top of that, i had a really emotional conversation with him the night before i left. it was a goodbye call. it felt final. despite what she said about him making it through the week, when i left i felt the goodbyes had been said. i expected to not see him again. and i was at peace with that. again, that's between me and my dad, not between me and the stepmother.
to an extent, she might be internalizing that. she told me he'd still be here when i got back, and he wasn't, so she might be feeling guilty about that. of course that's not her fault, and i wouldn't blame her for it. but if she *feels* like it's her fault, then her response would be to reject that guilt and project it on to somebody else. and, of course, i'm the convenient scape goat. it's even easier, in this circumstance, given the context.
so, she would be able to construct an elaborate fantasy about me not loving my father as a shield to protect her from that guilt that she shouldn't be feeling in the first place. if i didn't love my father, i shouldn't get anything from him.
this seems complex and arbitrary, but she has a lot of complex issues, and i've dealt a lot with them over the years. i feel i have a certain power of psycho-analysis through experience. it's certainly *something* like this - she is *somehow* projecting all her hurt and sadness on to me as a release, and it's neither my fault nor does it really have much to do with me at all.
but, you're right - i can't talk it through with her. i always needed dad to do that.
it's just a few more days...
when i'm gone, she'll key on somebody else. it's not going to end until she can come to terms with things and understand what she's doing. but, realistically, just about every approach has been tried over 35 or 40 years, so i don't know what's going to happen.
there were frequent occasions when my dad talked about leaving her. he always said he couldn't leave her because she'd self-destruct into a rage and possibly even harm herself. i'm a little worried she's in the process of doing this, but i don't know a way i can help and i'm even worried that if i try it'll make things worse.
i'll probably wait until i leave and then send something to her brother, ferris.
j
Re: my father's cds
From: the surviving uncle’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
J, people do hurtful things. Sometimes all you can do is try be be a better person than the ones hurting you. You are aware of what is going on and I believe that the only stuff you will get is the stuff you have retrieved on your own. As much as it hurts, at least you have what you have gotten back. The only cd's I got were given to me by your dad and they were 10 or 11 cd's that were the dead uncle’s. You are not in a good bargaining position and need to play what cards you do have, well.
I'm not 100% certain, but I believe strongly that a box of your dad's personal effects have been put aside for you with your things. I would not even ask about them. All you would be doing is saying, "here is another way to hurt me". I would drop the cd issue, there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. There is not much to figure out, I think what is going on is pretty clear.
Speaking from personal experience, what I would do (and what your dad would tell you) is do nothing. Don't inquire about anything else. Just get your things as soon as possible and with as little fanfare as possible. Sometimes taking the high road brings surprising results. You are in a very tough spot, try to not let your feelings make it worse.
If you are not in a position to get your things to Windsor right now, maybe the best thing would be to hire a small local mover for an hour or two and put your stuff in a storage locker for now. At least you would be able to see what was given to you and you would know that it is safe.
Considering what is going on, I think that's your best bet. If you don't feel you can trust someone or a situation, then don’t.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
J, people do hurtful things. Sometimes all you can do is try be be a better person than the ones hurting you. You are aware of what is going on and I believe that the only stuff you will get is the stuff you have retrieved on your own. As much as it hurts, at least you have what you have gotten back. The only cd's I got were given to me by your dad and they were 10 or 11 cd's that were the dead uncle’s. You are not in a good bargaining position and need to play what cards you do have, well.
I'm not 100% certain, but I believe strongly that a box of your dad's personal effects have been put aside for you with your things. I would not even ask about them. All you would be doing is saying, "here is another way to hurt me". I would drop the cd issue, there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. There is not much to figure out, I think what is going on is pretty clear.
Speaking from personal experience, what I would do (and what your dad would tell you) is do nothing. Don't inquire about anything else. Just get your things as soon as possible and with as little fanfare as possible. Sometimes taking the high road brings surprising results. You are in a very tough spot, try to not let your feelings make it worse.
If you are not in a position to get your things to Windsor right now, maybe the best thing would be to hire a small local mover for an hour or two and put your stuff in a storage locker for now. At least you would be able to see what was given to you and you would know that it is safe.
Considering what is going on, I think that's your best bet. If you don't feel you can trust someone or a situation, then don’t.
Friday, August 2, 2013
RE: moving day
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Just make sure if the truck is cheap it is not leaking oil or it will have to stay parked on the street. Monday evening sounds fine but I will confirm.
A few hours notice to stick the rest of your stuff in the garage is fine.
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Just make sure if the truck is cheap it is not leaking oil or it will have to stay parked on the street. Monday evening sounds fine but I will confirm.
A few hours notice to stick the rest of your stuff in the garage is fine.
moving day
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address, d’s email address
he says he can get the truck between 4-6 on monday. he's a truck mechanic, so he's puling strings to get something cheap, and that's sort of the best time frame he can give me. that means he'll be there between 4:30-7:00. we'll be loading up and leaving monday night.
i know monday's a holiday. i dunno if it's actually a holiday or not, though. as it's a holiday, i understand it's not the same as dropping by after work, but that's when he can do it. that being said, i don't know if that means it's a bad day for you, d, or if the 5:30 thing no longer applies or what...
if the truck is there too early, i guess i can go down and grab a sub or something.
now, my grandmother is at the cottage until monday night, so she's not going to be able to drive the few things i have over. i suppose multiple bus trips would be out of the question because i'd have to show up by myself (and that's scary, or something; whatever, not worth it). so, i'm left asking around for a ride. i need to ask: if i give you a few hours notice, would you be ok with a friend and i dropping off what's left? i could maybe give you more than a few hours, but i can't say. you'd literally just have to open the garage door for five minutes.
if you're not ok with a friend and i, i guess the other option is me asking around with people you trust. does anybody have a van or a large car? that would make the most sense. it's just bags of cloths, a couple of small boxes and a table that i could take or leave (i found it downstairs, and i like it, but if i can't move it out of here then so be it). i could do this saturday, sunday or monday morning depending on who is available when.
j
To: stepmother’s email address, d’s email address
he says he can get the truck between 4-6 on monday. he's a truck mechanic, so he's puling strings to get something cheap, and that's sort of the best time frame he can give me. that means he'll be there between 4:30-7:00. we'll be loading up and leaving monday night.
i know monday's a holiday. i dunno if it's actually a holiday or not, though. as it's a holiday, i understand it's not the same as dropping by after work, but that's when he can do it. that being said, i don't know if that means it's a bad day for you, d, or if the 5:30 thing no longer applies or what...
if the truck is there too early, i guess i can go down and grab a sub or something.
now, my grandmother is at the cottage until monday night, so she's not going to be able to drive the few things i have over. i suppose multiple bus trips would be out of the question because i'd have to show up by myself (and that's scary, or something; whatever, not worth it). so, i'm left asking around for a ride. i need to ask: if i give you a few hours notice, would you be ok with a friend and i dropping off what's left? i could maybe give you more than a few hours, but i can't say. you'd literally just have to open the garage door for five minutes.
if you're not ok with a friend and i, i guess the other option is me asking around with people you trust. does anybody have a van or a large car? that would make the most sense. it's just bags of cloths, a couple of small boxes and a table that i could take or leave (i found it downstairs, and i like it, but if i can't move it out of here then so be it). i could do this saturday, sunday or monday morning depending on who is available when.
j
Re: cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
well, i told you i wanted them, and you kept telling me you had nothing to do with it.
you could have offered to sell them to me. and you know what's ironic, sister? i would've given you up to $5/disc. some of them, i would have paid more than that for.
j
To: sister’s email address
well, i told you i wanted them, and you kept telling me you had nothing to do with it.
you could have offered to sell them to me. and you know what's ironic, sister? i would've given you up to $5/disc. some of them, i would have paid more than that for.
j
hi again
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: d’s email address
ok, i've got the story cleared up now. my sister fessed up when i told her they had her name at cd warehouse.
so, you went through it first. ok. i was actually able to get most of what i was looking for back at vertigo or cd warehouse. i suppose you already had most of it.
having my dad's copy of dark side, sgt peppers, the lamb, texas flood....i found them. it cost me $107, but i'm just ecstatic they're not lost.
the thing is this: i feel the conditions that led to you going through the collection first have to do with the stepmother's dislike of me, and not of my father's wishes. i mean....i think you would have got second pass. sure. but i'm his kid, y'know? i really think he would have given me the first one. and i think i trust you to agree with that and reverse the error that's happened.
that being said, as for what you probably grabbed, i'm probably only interested in a minimal amount of it. i guess you grabbed the porcupine tree and some of that recent swedish prog and marillion and other stuff of the type. i was never really able to get into that, and it doesn't have a place in my childhood. the only thing off the top of my head is the zappa, if you even took the zappa, damn i need to find that zappa, and even then it's really just a few that i have an emotional attachment to - the ones i'd really like to have are joe's garage and the apostrophe/overnite sensation double. well, that and i guess i was looking for that holdsworth disc. we saw holdsworth a few years ago in the same theatre we saw the lamb in last year...
i don't know what *your* attachment is to these discs. i know you're quite a bit younger than my dad was. i think i interpreted a mild father-like relationship, perhaps unstated but mutually understood, and i never felt jealous or anything. maybe there were certain father-son levels that i wasn't interested in or able to relate with him on. maybe there was a mutual void filled there, and i don't want to take that away from you.
for me, getting copies misses the point. i can download it for free on torrent sites. it's the actual discs. i don't know if you're feeling the same way or not, or if making copies would be sufficient for you.
in the end, i don't want to take away anything that you feel is important to you. that's not my goal, or aim. i just want to collect a few things that are important to me. and maybe if there's a few where there are mutually strong feelings, we can split the difference.
i'm just as reasonable as he was, if not more so.
...but if you could bring those discs to the moving day so i could take a look through them, i'd be eternally grateful. i promise i'll only want to take 10, maybe 20, maybe even less than ten.
j
To: d’s email address
ok, i've got the story cleared up now. my sister fessed up when i told her they had her name at cd warehouse.
so, you went through it first. ok. i was actually able to get most of what i was looking for back at vertigo or cd warehouse. i suppose you already had most of it.
having my dad's copy of dark side, sgt peppers, the lamb, texas flood....i found them. it cost me $107, but i'm just ecstatic they're not lost.
the thing is this: i feel the conditions that led to you going through the collection first have to do with the stepmother's dislike of me, and not of my father's wishes. i mean....i think you would have got second pass. sure. but i'm his kid, y'know? i really think he would have given me the first one. and i think i trust you to agree with that and reverse the error that's happened.
that being said, as for what you probably grabbed, i'm probably only interested in a minimal amount of it. i guess you grabbed the porcupine tree and some of that recent swedish prog and marillion and other stuff of the type. i was never really able to get into that, and it doesn't have a place in my childhood. the only thing off the top of my head is the zappa, if you even took the zappa, damn i need to find that zappa, and even then it's really just a few that i have an emotional attachment to - the ones i'd really like to have are joe's garage and the apostrophe/overnite sensation double. well, that and i guess i was looking for that holdsworth disc. we saw holdsworth a few years ago in the same theatre we saw the lamb in last year...
i don't know what *your* attachment is to these discs. i know you're quite a bit younger than my dad was. i think i interpreted a mild father-like relationship, perhaps unstated but mutually understood, and i never felt jealous or anything. maybe there were certain father-son levels that i wasn't interested in or able to relate with him on. maybe there was a mutual void filled there, and i don't want to take that away from you.
for me, getting copies misses the point. i can download it for free on torrent sites. it's the actual discs. i don't know if you're feeling the same way or not, or if making copies would be sufficient for you.
in the end, i don't want to take away anything that you feel is important to you. that's not my goal, or aim. i just want to collect a few things that are important to me. and maybe if there's a few where there are mutually strong feelings, we can split the difference.
i'm just as reasonable as he was, if not more so.
...but if you could bring those discs to the moving day so i could take a look through them, i'd be eternally grateful. i promise i'll only want to take 10, maybe 20, maybe even less than ten.
j
Re: cds
From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
what was i supposed to tell you? she asked me to do something to help her deal with it, i did. it was nothing against you.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
what was i supposed to tell you? she asked me to do something to help her deal with it, i did. it was nothing against you.
Re: cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
ok. i've sent an email to d. i'm going to have to ask to go through what he took.
between vertigo and cd warehouse, i picked up bowie, genesis, gabriel, yes, elp, crimson, bruford...a lot of prog stuff.
that's not the point. you lied to me repeatedly.
j
To: sister’s email address
ok. i've sent an email to d. i'm going to have to ask to go through what he took.
between vertigo and cd warehouse, i picked up bowie, genesis, gabriel, yes, elp, crimson, bruford...a lot of prog stuff.
that's not the point. you lied to me repeatedly.
j
RE: cds
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
your sister took the Cd's downtown at my request so she had nothing to do with all this other than carrying out my wishes. I have also kept some CD's that I wanted. If you chose to spend the money on CD's so be it.
Remember, I need notice for your belongings and it has to be between 5:30-8:30.
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
your sister took the Cd's downtown at my request so she had nothing to do with all this other than carrying out my wishes. I have also kept some CD's that I wanted. If you chose to spend the money on CD's so be it.
Remember, I need notice for your belongings and it has to be between 5:30-8:30.
Re: cds
From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
d went through the collection first shot. i assume he has most of the zappa/crimson/genesis/prog stuff, so what i DID sell was mostly lame leftovers that NOBODY wanted; generic sarah mclachlan, soundgarden, radiohead, stuff there are a million copies of.
turning point, vertigo, CD warehouse. that was it. she asked me to try to get some cash for what was left, so i did. i didn’t keep any of the cash, of which there wasn’t much. i didn’t do it to hurt your feelings or anyone else’s; what was left was stuff you certainly wouldn’t have had any “emotional attachment” to, believe me.
the stuff you want is most likely at d’s. if you want to contact or debate with him about it, that’s your prerogative.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
d went through the collection first shot. i assume he has most of the zappa/crimson/genesis/prog stuff, so what i DID sell was mostly lame leftovers that NOBODY wanted; generic sarah mclachlan, soundgarden, radiohead, stuff there are a million copies of.
turning point, vertigo, CD warehouse. that was it. she asked me to try to get some cash for what was left, so i did. i didn’t keep any of the cash, of which there wasn’t much. i didn’t do it to hurt your feelings or anyone else’s; what was left was stuff you certainly wouldn’t have had any “emotional attachment” to, believe me.
the stuff you want is most likely at d’s. if you want to contact or debate with him about it, that’s your prerogative.
Re: cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
ok.
i'm very upset right now. i've learned that the bulk of the cds were sold by my sister. her name was left behind in the transaction.
i've so far spent $107 on cds that my father would have liked for me to have. i understand that everything was left in your name, but i really think you have a moral responsibility to carry out his wishes. certainly, at the very least, i am completely positive that he would rather i had the cds than see them sold for $1/piece. i do not remotely think that my father would share whatever vendetta it is that the two of you seem to have against me. your behaviour is revoltingly selfish.
especially you, sister. didn't i just give you that jacket out of the kindness of my heart because you had an emotional attachment to it? then, you turn around and get rid of the thing i've expressed an emotional attachment to for a paltry sum. i don't understand this behaviour. it's very hateful and inconsiderate.
so, i'm just going to reiterate. this is probably the last time i'll contact either of you, except to pick up my things early next week.
1) i think i'm morally entitled to be repaid for the $107 dollars that i shouldn't have spent in the first place. i don't know who ended up with the money.
2) even if you don't want to do the moral thing and pay me back, can you at least tell me where else to go to find the rest of the cds? i've so far checked vertigo (where i got some back), cd warehouse (where i got some back), record centre (where they said nobody came in) and turning point (where they said the sister came in and only sold dvds). i'm a little skeptical about what the guy at turning point said. were there cds sold there? if there were, i'll buy them back. was there anywhere else i should go and look?
3) specifically, i'm very curious as to the whereabouts of the frank zappa cds. there are a few random things i was looking for and couldn't find, but i couldn't find *any* of those.
sister, i no longer trust you. there's no chance of reconciliation.
j
To: stepmother’s email address
ok.
i'm very upset right now. i've learned that the bulk of the cds were sold by my sister. her name was left behind in the transaction.
i've so far spent $107 on cds that my father would have liked for me to have. i understand that everything was left in your name, but i really think you have a moral responsibility to carry out his wishes. certainly, at the very least, i am completely positive that he would rather i had the cds than see them sold for $1/piece. i do not remotely think that my father would share whatever vendetta it is that the two of you seem to have against me. your behaviour is revoltingly selfish.
especially you, sister. didn't i just give you that jacket out of the kindness of my heart because you had an emotional attachment to it? then, you turn around and get rid of the thing i've expressed an emotional attachment to for a paltry sum. i don't understand this behaviour. it's very hateful and inconsiderate.
so, i'm just going to reiterate. this is probably the last time i'll contact either of you, except to pick up my things early next week.
1) i think i'm morally entitled to be repaid for the $107 dollars that i shouldn't have spent in the first place. i don't know who ended up with the money.
2) even if you don't want to do the moral thing and pay me back, can you at least tell me where else to go to find the rest of the cds? i've so far checked vertigo (where i got some back), cd warehouse (where i got some back), record centre (where they said nobody came in) and turning point (where they said the sister came in and only sold dvds). i'm a little skeptical about what the guy at turning point said. were there cds sold there? if there were, i'll buy them back. was there anywhere else i should go and look?
3) specifically, i'm very curious as to the whereabouts of the frank zappa cds. there are a few random things i was looking for and couldn't find, but i couldn't find *any* of those.
sister, i no longer trust you. there's no chance of reconciliation.
j
Re: my father's cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle’s email address
i took a run around town and got about 45 of them back for $107. the stores were all really sympathetic and sold them back at cost. i got the genesis back (including the lamb....except selling england for the pound), the gabriel, bowie, crimson, srv, yes, elp, and a bunch of random stuff by like tom petty and bruce cockburn. the one big thing i couldn't find was any zappa.
the whole scenario around it is really depressing me. i asked my sister about it several times and she just kept saying she didn't want to get involved, she didn't know anything about it, i had to talk to the stepmother, etc. like, right when i left today, it was one of the last things she said. but, when i called cd warehouse, it was all in her name. she was the one running them out...
like, i just don't know how to mentally compute this. cd warehouse sold them back to me at cost, which was $1/cd. at vertigo, it was $3/cd. was that really worth it to her? was lying to me worth it to her?
on top of that, i had *just* made a huge sacrifice for her. remember that jacket he gave me a few weeks ago? your mother was all excited about it fitting me, and i ended up going home with it. well, it turns out that the jacket was the one he walked her down the aisle with. truth is i liked the jacket and would have wanted to keep it. it's a nice jacket, and it's just going to sit in her closet. but i decided that it was more important that she had something of his that meant something to her, so i gave it back to her.
...and then a few hours later she goes and sells the one thing i had expressed an emotional attachment to?
like i say, i don't really want to get everybody involved in this, i'm just really hurt and confused and don't know what the fuck to think other than that i can't trust a word coming from them and have no path to follow in discussing it with them directly.
j
To: the surviving uncle’s email address
i took a run around town and got about 45 of them back for $107. the stores were all really sympathetic and sold them back at cost. i got the genesis back (including the lamb....except selling england for the pound), the gabriel, bowie, crimson, srv, yes, elp, and a bunch of random stuff by like tom petty and bruce cockburn. the one big thing i couldn't find was any zappa.
the whole scenario around it is really depressing me. i asked my sister about it several times and she just kept saying she didn't want to get involved, she didn't know anything about it, i had to talk to the stepmother, etc. like, right when i left today, it was one of the last things she said. but, when i called cd warehouse, it was all in her name. she was the one running them out...
like, i just don't know how to mentally compute this. cd warehouse sold them back to me at cost, which was $1/cd. at vertigo, it was $3/cd. was that really worth it to her? was lying to me worth it to her?
on top of that, i had *just* made a huge sacrifice for her. remember that jacket he gave me a few weeks ago? your mother was all excited about it fitting me, and i ended up going home with it. well, it turns out that the jacket was the one he walked her down the aisle with. truth is i liked the jacket and would have wanted to keep it. it's a nice jacket, and it's just going to sit in her closet. but i decided that it was more important that she had something of his that meant something to her, so i gave it back to her.
...and then a few hours later she goes and sells the one thing i had expressed an emotional attachment to?
like i say, i don't really want to get everybody involved in this, i'm just really hurt and confused and don't know what the fuck to think other than that i can't trust a word coming from them and have no path to follow in discussing it with them directly.
j
mom
We need the address and postal code for your new address in Windsor. Please contact!...K....Don's cell number is *******....Trailor *******.....
Don's home...*******
Jessica Amber Murray
i thought it was the stepmother at first. she may have sold the first batch on tuesday. but the second batch on wednesday was my sister. she signed her name over at cd warehouse, and the dude at turning point knows all three of us... the reason why this is particularly maddening is: 1) i told her i wanted to look through them. it's not about the monetary value of the cds. she only got like $3 each at vertigo and $1 each at cd warehouse. it's about the time i spent listening to them, the emotional attachment...it's the ONLY physical objects i wanted....and the fucking $1/disc was worth more to her than that... 2) i asked her several times about it and she bold-faced lied to me. flat. bold. lie. nobody can trust a word she says... it's 805 marion. Windsor, ON N9A 2J1 . i have the keys and a lease signed in my name.
i spent all day tracking them down. in the end, i got about 45 back for $107. i kind of expect she'll refund me for that and tell me where the rest of them are. the big thing i couldn't find was the zappa discs... i'll check messages to see if don called.
We need the address and postal code for your new address in Windsor. Please contact!...K....Don's cell number is *******....Trailor *******.....
Don's home...*******
Jessica Amber Murray
i thought it was the stepmother at first. she may have sold the first batch on tuesday. but the second batch on wednesday was my sister. she signed her name over at cd warehouse, and the dude at turning point knows all three of us... the reason why this is particularly maddening is: 1) i told her i wanted to look through them. it's not about the monetary value of the cds. she only got like $3 each at vertigo and $1 each at cd warehouse. it's about the time i spent listening to them, the emotional attachment...it's the ONLY physical objects i wanted....and the fucking $1/disc was worth more to her than that... 2) i asked her several times about it and she bold-faced lied to me. flat. bold. lie. nobody can trust a word she says... it's 805 marion. Windsor, ON N9A 2J1 . i have the keys and a lease signed in my name.
i spent all day tracking them down. in the end, i got about 45 back for $107. i kind of expect she'll refund me for that and tell me where the rest of them are. the big thing i couldn't find was the zappa discs... i'll check messages to see if don called.
RE: cds
From: the stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Your father left everything to me and what I do with his belongings is up to me....If I want to sell things, give them away or flush them down the toilet that is none of your business!
If you want to buy CD's for $75 that is your business.
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
Your father left everything to me and what I do with his belongings is up to me....If I want to sell things, give them away or flush them down the toilet that is none of your business!
If you want to buy CD's for $75 that is your business.
Jessica Amber Murray
it was my sister that sold the cds. after i told her i wanted them. and then she denied it. i will probably not speak to her again.
mom
Did you hear anything yet from Don?...I haven't yet...
Is that you blowing around like a fiend out there?....I can't believe how windy it is outside on my balcony.
Hello..
How many cd's are we talking about here?...Although knowing your father...There must have been many. And many tapes and vinyl too?
Are you you sure it was her and not the stepmother
it was my sister that sold the cds. after i told her i wanted them. and then she denied it. i will probably not speak to her again.
mom
Did you hear anything yet from Don?...I haven't yet...
Is that you blowing around like a fiend out there?....I can't believe how windy it is outside on my balcony.
Hello..
How many cd's are we talking about here?...Although knowing your father...There must have been many. And many tapes and vinyl too?
Are you you sure it was her and not the stepmother
Re: my father's cds
From: the surviving uncle’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
I'm going to keep this very brief for the moment. I don't know if I can help, but I'm going to try. Please don't act on this for today, leave it until tomorrow as I need to talk to a few people. I know that may be hard but don't think it's going to help for anyone to get their backs against the wall any further. Trust on me on this.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
I'm going to keep this very brief for the moment. I don't know if I can help, but I'm going to try. Please don't act on this for today, leave it until tomorrow as I need to talk to a few people. I know that may be hard but don't think it's going to help for anyone to get their backs against the wall any further. Trust on me on this.
my father's cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle’s email address, d’s email address
i'm sorry i have to do this. you can be certain that i don't want to do this. but my hands are being forced...
my father wanted me to have his cds. he told me as much repeatedly over the course of several years. there's no doubt in my mind about this.
i want my father's cds. i have a lot of memories attached to them. i don't care what they're worth in dollar amounts. like, his old beat up copy of the lamb lies down on broadway is probably worth about $2. it's priceless to me....
out of all the things that he had, it's really all i wanted. i'm being cut out of the money, and i don't really care as long as i get the cds that are important to me.
i'm having a really hard time determining what happened to them. as far as i can figure out, both my sister and my stepmother are lying to me about it. i have no understanding of why they would do that, other than to spite and hurt me. they have a history of behaving in ways that are designed to spite and hurt me (and a long history of telling blatant lies).
i asked them on monday not to sell them. apparently, some of them were sold on tuesday and some of them were sold on wednesday.
the stepmother has told me she sold some of them, but she won't tell me who she sold them to. i've called around a bit. i was able to buy about 20 back from vertigo. record centre says nothing came in. turning point says the sister came in on wednesday with a handful of things and mentioned the plan was to give the good stuff away to “his friends”.
...after i've told them i wanted them...
...and, again, there's no doubt he wanted me to have them.
i don't want to drag you guys into this, but i don't think i'm going to get anywhere talking to them directly. it seems to be that there's a goal to ensure i don't get anything of his. as one example, i've asked about the sports awards and things he won when he was younger. i know for a fact he kept them in a box in his closet. that box contained his precious personal possessions. there was a defensive player of the year award, some hockey cards, some pins, some of his father's things, etc....according to the stepmother, such a thing never existed. yet, i know it did. she may have just thrown it out without thinking, but to lie about it indicates the presence of a deeper prerogative to ensure i don't get anything.
i think the easiest way to do this while causing the minimum amount of conflict is for you guys to just accept any discs that are offered and then let me take a look through them. i would be hopelessly grateful for the opportunity to do that.
part of me wants to just take everything and listen to it all very slowly, but the reality is that there's a lot of stuff i'm more or less indifferent to. but the stuff i am interested in - the genesis, the zappa, the srv - is just completely priceless to me.
it's not the music itself, i can download that for free, it's the fact that they were his discs, and the memories attached to listening to them, to exploring them, etc.
i know they both understand how important the opportunity to sort through this is to me and i just don't understand why they're being deceitful and obfuscating about it.
j
To: the surviving uncle’s email address, d’s email address
i'm sorry i have to do this. you can be certain that i don't want to do this. but my hands are being forced...
my father wanted me to have his cds. he told me as much repeatedly over the course of several years. there's no doubt in my mind about this.
i want my father's cds. i have a lot of memories attached to them. i don't care what they're worth in dollar amounts. like, his old beat up copy of the lamb lies down on broadway is probably worth about $2. it's priceless to me....
out of all the things that he had, it's really all i wanted. i'm being cut out of the money, and i don't really care as long as i get the cds that are important to me.
i'm having a really hard time determining what happened to them. as far as i can figure out, both my sister and my stepmother are lying to me about it. i have no understanding of why they would do that, other than to spite and hurt me. they have a history of behaving in ways that are designed to spite and hurt me (and a long history of telling blatant lies).
i asked them on monday not to sell them. apparently, some of them were sold on tuesday and some of them were sold on wednesday.
the stepmother has told me she sold some of them, but she won't tell me who she sold them to. i've called around a bit. i was able to buy about 20 back from vertigo. record centre says nothing came in. turning point says the sister came in on wednesday with a handful of things and mentioned the plan was to give the good stuff away to “his friends”.
...after i've told them i wanted them...
...and, again, there's no doubt he wanted me to have them.
i don't want to drag you guys into this, but i don't think i'm going to get anywhere talking to them directly. it seems to be that there's a goal to ensure i don't get anything of his. as one example, i've asked about the sports awards and things he won when he was younger. i know for a fact he kept them in a box in his closet. that box contained his precious personal possessions. there was a defensive player of the year award, some hockey cards, some pins, some of his father's things, etc....according to the stepmother, such a thing never existed. yet, i know it did. she may have just thrown it out without thinking, but to lie about it indicates the presence of a deeper prerogative to ensure i don't get anything.
i think the easiest way to do this while causing the minimum amount of conflict is for you guys to just accept any discs that are offered and then let me take a look through them. i would be hopelessly grateful for the opportunity to do that.
part of me wants to just take everything and listen to it all very slowly, but the reality is that there's a lot of stuff i'm more or less indifferent to. but the stuff i am interested in - the genesis, the zappa, the srv - is just completely priceless to me.
it's not the music itself, i can download that for free, it's the fact that they were his discs, and the memories attached to listening to them, to exploring them, etc.
i know they both understand how important the opportunity to sort through this is to me and i just don't understand why they're being deceitful and obfuscating about it.
j
Re: cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address, sister’s email address
ok, so i got a bunch of them back from vertigo. some bowie, some crimson, some gabriel....these were some of the ones that were important to me.
they were very human about it and sold them back to me at cost. it was still $75 for around 25 cds. i'm going to ask you to contemplate whether that's a cost that you think i should pay out for something i'm absolutely 100% certain, with no space for doubt, that my father wanted me to have.
the ones that are most important to me are the genesis and the zappa. what happened to those ones? there was also a few other crimson discs i couldn't locate.
i also went to turning point and the record centre. the record centre had no recollection of anybody coming in, but turning point told me my sister came in yesterday with a handful of “common titles” - he mentioned that she indicated that a lot of the cds would go to “his friends”
sister, were those his cds or yours? did you sell anything there yesterday? what?
i'm going to email d and the surviving uncle. i expect that they'll give me the discs, as that's what my father would have wanted. we can skip a step, here.
i'm not angry, so much as i'm shocked. i don't care what the discs are worth on a monetary basis. the memories attached to them are priceless. a few of his discs would be the only thing of his that i wanted...
j
To: stepmother’s email address, sister’s email address
ok, so i got a bunch of them back from vertigo. some bowie, some crimson, some gabriel....these were some of the ones that were important to me.
they were very human about it and sold them back to me at cost. it was still $75 for around 25 cds. i'm going to ask you to contemplate whether that's a cost that you think i should pay out for something i'm absolutely 100% certain, with no space for doubt, that my father wanted me to have.
the ones that are most important to me are the genesis and the zappa. what happened to those ones? there was also a few other crimson discs i couldn't locate.
i also went to turning point and the record centre. the record centre had no recollection of anybody coming in, but turning point told me my sister came in yesterday with a handful of “common titles” - he mentioned that she indicated that a lot of the cds would go to “his friends”
sister, were those his cds or yours? did you sell anything there yesterday? what?
i'm going to email d and the surviving uncle. i expect that they'll give me the discs, as that's what my father would have wanted. we can skip a step, here.
i'm not angry, so much as i'm shocked. i don't care what the discs are worth on a monetary basis. the memories attached to them are priceless. a few of his discs would be the only thing of his that i wanted...
j
cds
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm sorry if this comes off as trite, but it really isn't from my perspective, this is actually incredibly important to me.
can you tell me who you sold them to? i'm going to try and call around.
j
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm sorry if this comes off as trite, but it really isn't from my perspective, this is actually incredibly important to me.
can you tell me who you sold them to? i'm going to try and call around.
j
Re: moving
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
he had a box he kept all that stuff in.
j
To: sister’s email address
he had a box he kept all that stuff in.
j
Thursday, August 1, 2013
mom
K...Went online to find phone numbers for Don to call tomorrow....U-Haul....I am going to phone him back and give them to him...He will phone them to secure one....He thinks the one on Boundary Road...He knows people there....
I found a bunch more though...I will give him all the numbers....He seems to always know some-one who works at one of these places.
I told her nothing by the way.
Guess you already talked to him...
Me calling him back now...
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, u-haul is crazy expensive. i should throw that out there. it's something like $0.75/km. i don't think he can get around that. i think what you want to look for - and i can maybe help after i've had a few hours of rest but i'm really drained right now, it was a long day - is an independent company with a flat rate.
he said he'd line everything up.
mom
Don did?
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah.
mom
Yes...He wanted me to look up numbers for u-hauls online.
K..Just relayed the phone numbers to him...He will do his magic tomorrow. He is exhausted and so am I...Love You!....Let's all get some sleep now...
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, they do do flat rates for big mileage. i don't know what kind of deal he can get, but it looks like it's going to be about $400-500 regular price for the van, but that's flat, it's not by the kilometre. plus gas, it's getting close to $1000... if you really want to come, and it's worth it to you, great, but i do think i can get a cheaper price with a trucker. don't feel obligated. if this gets too expensive, feel free to back out.
mom
He doesn't want that runs gas...diesel he says is best...And he can jimmy they thing....He is a mechanic.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'll trust you, i'm just saying...
mom
I want to come!...He is a truck mechanic...
Let's see what he can scare up first....I know he will come though...He always does.
Jessica Amber Murray
great, i hope he does.
mom
Did you see that lightening!?
Jessica Amber Murray
i did. i can hear the thunder, too.
K...Went online to find phone numbers for Don to call tomorrow....U-Haul....I am going to phone him back and give them to him...He will phone them to secure one....He thinks the one on Boundary Road...He knows people there....
I found a bunch more though...I will give him all the numbers....He seems to always know some-one who works at one of these places.
I told her nothing by the way.
Guess you already talked to him...
Me calling him back now...
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, u-haul is crazy expensive. i should throw that out there. it's something like $0.75/km. i don't think he can get around that. i think what you want to look for - and i can maybe help after i've had a few hours of rest but i'm really drained right now, it was a long day - is an independent company with a flat rate.
he said he'd line everything up.
mom
Don did?
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah.
mom
Yes...He wanted me to look up numbers for u-hauls online.
K..Just relayed the phone numbers to him...He will do his magic tomorrow. He is exhausted and so am I...Love You!....Let's all get some sleep now...
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, they do do flat rates for big mileage. i don't know what kind of deal he can get, but it looks like it's going to be about $400-500 regular price for the van, but that's flat, it's not by the kilometre. plus gas, it's getting close to $1000... if you really want to come, and it's worth it to you, great, but i do think i can get a cheaper price with a trucker. don't feel obligated. if this gets too expensive, feel free to back out.
mom
He doesn't want that runs gas...diesel he says is best...And he can jimmy they thing....He is a mechanic.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'll trust you, i'm just saying...
mom
I want to come!...He is a truck mechanic...
Let's see what he can scare up first....I know he will come though...He always does.
Jessica Amber Murray
great, i hope he does.
mom
Did you see that lightening!?
Jessica Amber Murray
i did. i can hear the thunder, too.
Re: mom's money
From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
the money is at mom’s. i’m sure you’ve talked to don by now.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
the money is at mom’s. i’m sure you’ve talked to don by now.
Re: moving
From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
i have not seen a single trophy or award in the house since they moved here. over the years i think he had got rid of any of that kind of stuff instead of moving it repeatedly.
she kept some stuff in a box for you like his sports cards and stuff like that. i don’t know what else you think was there, but i can tell you there wasn’t anything much. the only thing i’m taking is his tie clip and a bunch of pictures.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
i have not seen a single trophy or award in the house since they moved here. over the years i think he had got rid of any of that kind of stuff instead of moving it repeatedly.
she kept some stuff in a box for you like his sports cards and stuff like that. i don’t know what else you think was there, but i can tell you there wasn’t anything much. the only thing i’m taking is his tie clip and a bunch of pictures.
RE: moving
From: stepmother’s email address
To: “’Jessica Murray’” <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
You must arrange to pack the truck in the early evening (5:30 - 9) as that is when D is available....Give me some notice.
To: “’Jessica Murray’” <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
You must arrange to pack the truck in the early evening (5:30 - 9) as that is when D is available....Give me some notice.
Re: moving
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
my sister will have more information about this, and i'm going to have to keep you updated because the plan isn't firmed yet...
...but i do NOT need to go over and measure stuff tomorrow. my mother's boyfriend is going to get a truck and the three of us will drive down there. she's really curious about the place.
now, what he's going to do is drop the truck off on monday or tuesday afternoon. i'll load it up. then we'll go either monday or tuesday night. he's just not sure what he can book yet.
i'm going to have to drop by a little before then with the remaining things. i'm going to call my grandmother in the morning before i leave. it might make the most sense to do *that* tomorrow night. it would just require opening the garage door for me, and she'll be with me. the thing is she goes away to the cottage for the weekend, so if i don't get it tomorrow night then i'll have to wait until at least monday.
either way, she'd be driving me, so i'd be there with somebody else.
j
To: stepmother’s email address
my sister will have more information about this, and i'm going to have to keep you updated because the plan isn't firmed yet...
...but i do NOT need to go over and measure stuff tomorrow. my mother's boyfriend is going to get a truck and the three of us will drive down there. she's really curious about the place.
now, what he's going to do is drop the truck off on monday or tuesday afternoon. i'll load it up. then we'll go either monday or tuesday night. he's just not sure what he can book yet.
i'm going to have to drop by a little before then with the remaining things. i'm going to call my grandmother in the morning before i leave. it might make the most sense to do *that* tomorrow night. it would just require opening the garage door for me, and she'll be with me. the thing is she goes away to the cottage for the weekend, so if i don't get it tomorrow night then i'll have to wait until at least monday.
either way, she'd be driving me, so i'd be there with somebody else.
j
venting
Jessica Amber Murray
she's already gotten rid of all of his stuff. i didn't even get the chance to look through it. i was mostly interested in the cds, but there were a lot of other little things i may have wanted to keep. i'm hoping i can buy back some of the discs...
it's just mind-bogglingly inconsiderate.
mom
Who did?...You mean your stepmother?
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. when a parent dies, it's sort of expected that the child will have the opportunity to look through things that may mean something to them. i just don't understand how she could have just tossed everything...
mom
That Really is very inconsiderate and really STINKS.
Jessica Amber Murray
like, he had all kinds of trophies and awards and stuff from sports leagues when he was a kid. i would have liked to keep a few of those. she's denying they even existed.
mom
That is HORRIBLE.
Jessica Amber Murray
it's just beyond any kind of vendetta. it's just fucking assholery. the level of asshole required is just...wow...
mom
Who has the things?
Jessica Amber Murray
how could *anybody* be such an asshole?
they're in the trash.
i'm sick of people blaming her mental problems. she's an asshole.
mom
Maybe your sister has some of his belongings too.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, she's been there. i guess she got a run through before it got tossed. still.....
i mean, if she does, she took the stuff that was meaningful to *her*. i don't want that stuff. i want the stuff that meant something to me. so, that kind of doesn't get us anywhere.
mom
I am so sorry for your horrible pain that you are experiencing right now.....
I can't really imagine....I have been fortunate so far to not be having to deal with the death of either my mother or father yet.
Think I will be dealing with the death of my own father soon...As he apparently is not doing so good these days. My mother on the other hand will outlive us all.....
Jessica Amber Murray
i mean, what should i have done here? she was giving me shit for talking money as he was dying, but she had given me a deadline to get my stuff out of her house. she can't have it both ways. further, i had asked her what his life expectancy was after going off the chemo and if i should be worried about him making it through the week or not and she told me he should still be alive when i get home. then i get an email when i'm working out the details on a place that i should come home right away. if i had come home right away with nothing, the stuff wouldn't have been out until past september. and i found a place i wanted. that was the smart thing to do, and the smart thing for her to do would be to realize it was the smart thing to do. it would have been impossible for me to go home AND get the stuff out in time, and i would have lost the place i like. i didn't say a word about any of his stuff when he was dying. i didn't think it was important then, i didn't want to sink to the level of groveling over his belongings as he's dying. i didn't bring up any kind of money or inheritance, she did. and then she broke the agreement within hours of him dying, presumably because she was upset that i didn't make it home in time, after she told me he was expected to last a least a few more weeks, and which i couldn't have reasonably done, anyways. should i have made a list of demands as he was struggling in his bed? should i have gone through his stuff in front of him? it's just fucking madness. but it's more than madness. i'm mad. legitimately. but i'm not an asshole. i would never, ever, ever do something like that, no matter how fucked i might be feeling. something like this is not mental instability. something like this is a rotten person, a person that is just bad to the core of their being...
mom
She must be dealing with her own hellish pain......When one is in such emotional pain like this(which, she must has been in for awhile now)....They are blind.
To others needs.
And perhaps even heartless...This type of being is one to be pitied really.....
Jessica Amber Murray
i said goodbye to my dad on the phone before i left. it was very dramatic. and it felt very final. my stepmother will probably live out the rest of her years sad and alone. i'm her current punching bag of choice. when i'm not around, she'll turn on my sister. and then the others in her life. she has a pattern - she lashes out at people. i don't like to pity people, i like to empathize with them. she just makes it very hard.
don hasn't called yet.
and your mother does look ridiculously good for her age. she seems to have lost a few years over the summer, strangely, she's lost some weight, too.
mom
He's supposed to call me first...He always gets into long drawn out conversations with his sister and her husband(Which, I have a problem with)....Don't love either one of them too much....But he will call. Yes, My mother is Gorgeous!.... Wish, I could look as good as her!....She just NEVER seems to age much at all.
Jessica Amber Murray
my other grandmother is still going pretty strong, too. she looks a little closer to her age, but she's going to be around for a while still...
mom
hope she is well.
Where the heck are those two birds anyways?
Jessica Amber Murray
dunno...
mom
lol...I am getting a bit impatient.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i think you've been waiting for over two hours now.
i wonder if there's something going on.
mom
Just checked my corded phone...I have to make sure it is still connected from time to time. Sometimes it get's itself stuck on the last call...But it is working fine.
I could have had a shower by now.
Oh well...
lol
Traffic doesn't appear to be too heavy..Although not sure from the slots what it's like?...Think...There must be alot of family stuff going on, I guess. She should be here soon though...I know she is very tired.
How come you didn't go to the eating there?
Jessica Amber Murray
the stepmother has requested that i do not enter her house. there is no rational explanation, other than that she's a bad person.
mom
They were all eating at the Raceway Carleton Slots.
I am going to go and kill her very soon!
your stepmother
Jessica Amber Murray
i went for lunch with his three sisters, his surviving brother, his mother and a bunch of other people....i don't know if you remember the dead uncle's friend k....my cousin (i've forgotten his name)...the oldest aunt’s wife...some other people i didn't know so well and then took the bus home. i guess i just wasn't invited.
mom
Smurfalina is here now!
I just buzzed her in.
Jessica Amber Murray
k
mom
Do you want to talk to her?
On here?
Jessica Amber Murray
i can wait until later, over email. i'd really rather she doesn't read this.
mom
She's not actually inside the unit yet.
K....Love you!...
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. but, yeah. she has flappy lips. you don't need to tell her what i said about the stepmother.
i'll talk to you later.
she's already gotten rid of all of his stuff. i didn't even get the chance to look through it. i was mostly interested in the cds, but there were a lot of other little things i may have wanted to keep. i'm hoping i can buy back some of the discs...
it's just mind-bogglingly inconsiderate.
mom
Who did?...You mean your stepmother?
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. when a parent dies, it's sort of expected that the child will have the opportunity to look through things that may mean something to them. i just don't understand how she could have just tossed everything...
mom
That Really is very inconsiderate and really STINKS.
Jessica Amber Murray
like, he had all kinds of trophies and awards and stuff from sports leagues when he was a kid. i would have liked to keep a few of those. she's denying they even existed.
mom
That is HORRIBLE.
Jessica Amber Murray
it's just beyond any kind of vendetta. it's just fucking assholery. the level of asshole required is just...wow...
mom
Who has the things?
Jessica Amber Murray
how could *anybody* be such an asshole?
they're in the trash.
i'm sick of people blaming her mental problems. she's an asshole.
mom
Maybe your sister has some of his belongings too.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, she's been there. i guess she got a run through before it got tossed. still.....
i mean, if she does, she took the stuff that was meaningful to *her*. i don't want that stuff. i want the stuff that meant something to me. so, that kind of doesn't get us anywhere.
mom
I am so sorry for your horrible pain that you are experiencing right now.....
I can't really imagine....I have been fortunate so far to not be having to deal with the death of either my mother or father yet.
Think I will be dealing with the death of my own father soon...As he apparently is not doing so good these days. My mother on the other hand will outlive us all.....
Jessica Amber Murray
i mean, what should i have done here? she was giving me shit for talking money as he was dying, but she had given me a deadline to get my stuff out of her house. she can't have it both ways. further, i had asked her what his life expectancy was after going off the chemo and if i should be worried about him making it through the week or not and she told me he should still be alive when i get home. then i get an email when i'm working out the details on a place that i should come home right away. if i had come home right away with nothing, the stuff wouldn't have been out until past september. and i found a place i wanted. that was the smart thing to do, and the smart thing for her to do would be to realize it was the smart thing to do. it would have been impossible for me to go home AND get the stuff out in time, and i would have lost the place i like. i didn't say a word about any of his stuff when he was dying. i didn't think it was important then, i didn't want to sink to the level of groveling over his belongings as he's dying. i didn't bring up any kind of money or inheritance, she did. and then she broke the agreement within hours of him dying, presumably because she was upset that i didn't make it home in time, after she told me he was expected to last a least a few more weeks, and which i couldn't have reasonably done, anyways. should i have made a list of demands as he was struggling in his bed? should i have gone through his stuff in front of him? it's just fucking madness. but it's more than madness. i'm mad. legitimately. but i'm not an asshole. i would never, ever, ever do something like that, no matter how fucked i might be feeling. something like this is not mental instability. something like this is a rotten person, a person that is just bad to the core of their being...
mom
She must be dealing with her own hellish pain......When one is in such emotional pain like this(which, she must has been in for awhile now)....They are blind.
To others needs.
And perhaps even heartless...This type of being is one to be pitied really.....
Jessica Amber Murray
i said goodbye to my dad on the phone before i left. it was very dramatic. and it felt very final. my stepmother will probably live out the rest of her years sad and alone. i'm her current punching bag of choice. when i'm not around, she'll turn on my sister. and then the others in her life. she has a pattern - she lashes out at people. i don't like to pity people, i like to empathize with them. she just makes it very hard.
don hasn't called yet.
and your mother does look ridiculously good for her age. she seems to have lost a few years over the summer, strangely, she's lost some weight, too.
mom
He's supposed to call me first...He always gets into long drawn out conversations with his sister and her husband(Which, I have a problem with)....Don't love either one of them too much....But he will call. Yes, My mother is Gorgeous!.... Wish, I could look as good as her!....She just NEVER seems to age much at all.
Jessica Amber Murray
my other grandmother is still going pretty strong, too. she looks a little closer to her age, but she's going to be around for a while still...
mom
hope she is well.
Where the heck are those two birds anyways?
Jessica Amber Murray
dunno...
mom
lol...I am getting a bit impatient.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i think you've been waiting for over two hours now.
i wonder if there's something going on.
mom
Just checked my corded phone...I have to make sure it is still connected from time to time. Sometimes it get's itself stuck on the last call...But it is working fine.
I could have had a shower by now.
Oh well...
lol
Traffic doesn't appear to be too heavy..Although not sure from the slots what it's like?...Think...There must be alot of family stuff going on, I guess. She should be here soon though...I know she is very tired.
How come you didn't go to the eating there?
Jessica Amber Murray
the stepmother has requested that i do not enter her house. there is no rational explanation, other than that she's a bad person.
mom
They were all eating at the Raceway Carleton Slots.
I am going to go and kill her very soon!
your stepmother
Jessica Amber Murray
i went for lunch with his three sisters, his surviving brother, his mother and a bunch of other people....i don't know if you remember the dead uncle's friend k....my cousin (i've forgotten his name)...the oldest aunt’s wife...some other people i didn't know so well and then took the bus home. i guess i just wasn't invited.
mom
Smurfalina is here now!
I just buzzed her in.
Jessica Amber Murray
k
mom
Do you want to talk to her?
On here?
Jessica Amber Murray
i can wait until later, over email. i'd really rather she doesn't read this.
mom
She's not actually inside the unit yet.
K....Love you!...
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. but, yeah. she has flappy lips. you don't need to tell her what i said about the stepmother.
i'll talk to you later.
Re: moving
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
did you sell the cds in a store? which store? how long ago? do you have the exact date (or close to it)? if i go in and explain, they might sell the ones i wanted to keep back to me at cost.
j
To: stepmother’s email address
did you sell the cds in a store? which store? how long ago? do you have the exact date (or close to it)? if i go in and explain, they might sell the ones i wanted to keep back to me at cost.
j
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'm leaving tuesday night. my mom wants to see the place, so she's going to drive me with her boyfriend. i think the van is likely to be mostly packed, but there may be spot for a few extra things if you want to send things down early. i don't know how you're doing this, but if you think you'd benefit from getting your piano or something else down early i can likely swing that...
ESA
I don't have a piano. I would get one in Windsor.
possibly. but they also have practice rooms at the school.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i meant the electric one. there's not space for a grand in there.
ESA
oh no. I need it here so I can practice.
Jessica Amber Murray
fair enough. just offerin' what i gots.
ESA
thanks anyways :D
ok, i'm leaving tuesday night. my mom wants to see the place, so she's going to drive me with her boyfriend. i think the van is likely to be mostly packed, but there may be spot for a few extra things if you want to send things down early. i don't know how you're doing this, but if you think you'd benefit from getting your piano or something else down early i can likely swing that...
ESA
I don't have a piano. I would get one in Windsor.
possibly. but they also have practice rooms at the school.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i meant the electric one. there's not space for a grand in there.
ESA
oh no. I need it here so I can practice.
Jessica Amber Murray
fair enough. just offerin' what i gots.
ESA
thanks anyways :D
concrete plans to actually move to windsor
mom
Talked to Don...He is willing. He doesn't want to drive his own truck though....No insurance, nor license plates on it anymore. But is willing to secure a truck and drive it. He wants to know how much stuff you have so to know what size of truck to rent. He is going to call you later tonight and talk to you himself.
Jessica Amber Murray
alright. did he want to take the bus back? that would be cheaper.
(gas)
mom
We all three will be in the truck(dog too)...Him and I(and dog)...Will have to rest a bit and then just drive back.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. my sister is being weird about giving me the money tomorrow. she wants to give it to you instead. i dunno.
mom
He is thinking of dropping the truck off at your location(I guess your father's?)...And you will have to be responsible for load up....On I think either Monday or Tuesday....We will all leave probably on probably Tuesday night....
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. that should work fine. but they charge you by the day. would make sense to drop it on the same day we're leaving.
mom
Yes..He has friends in the business, so can secure a cheaper rate.
Jessica Amber Murray
swell. ok, well i think i should be ok with either the biggest budget van or the smallest truck.
i think the van should probably be ok, but if he's getting a special rate, maybe the smallest truck might be a better idea just to be safe.
mom
Yes...your sister is supposed to drop by later with the money....Don will take care of securing the truck...He just wanted to know how much stuff you have. He is going to call you later...Will you be at Nanny's?
A valid driver's license along with a credit card is needed.
It will be his.
I have to pay him back though....And he wants $200.00 for himself. I was a bit taken aback by his demand really..But, I think it will still be cheaper in the long run.
Have to pay for all meals and coffees as well...He say's he doesn't want it to cost him a nickel. Fine!.......He will lose 2 day's pay...Whatever.
That's what the 200 lousy bucks is about....K...Whatever. I agree..Do You?
Agreed.
Whatever is left is for you.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i'm looking at this cash as yours. it's certainly the *easiest* way. can you budget it, though? 200 - don 450 - gas 100? - food ? rental it's adding up. if i can find a straight driver and send them home on the bus, it's $450. i may be able to do even cheaper using a trucker. i'm kind of feeling a little bit guilty getting you to pay for this and sort of want it to be as cheap as possible. i was planning on giving you what was left back, in all honesty. so, i mean...i think it's up to you... this is guaranteed, and it's safe, but it's going to cost you more in the end.
the thing is if you're both coming then the bus back doesn't save much money; 225 for gas vs. roughly that for two bus tickets.
...but if just one of you comes it's a lot cheaper... i guess it depends if the experience is worth it to you or not.
mom
I would love to see your new place and get to experience a little of where you will be existing. It is worth it to me.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, so i guess we're planning for that. we're going to be there wednesday morning, then? i have to call the guy.
mom
What Guy?...Don will secure the truck....He is going to call you later at Nanny's?
Will you be at Nanny's tonight around 9 or so?
Jessica Amber Murray
the guy in windsor. he wants to know when we'll be there.
i should be here tonight, yeah.
mom
He is going to call you and will talk to you himself.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok
mom
K
Prolly Wednesday....Tell him then.
Jessica Amber Murray
i'll call him tomorrow, i should talk to don first.
mom
Yes....True.
I am looking forward to our road-trip adventure together!..... <3 ;) (y) :)
Jessica Amber Murray
lol
mom
No drugs and alcohol allowed though!...I was told very firmly...K...I can abide for sure. Coffees from Timmy's is welcome!....Smoking tobacco is unfortunate(I know)...Will be involved.
Jessica Amber Murray
i still smoke tobacco. my sister was saying you were worried i was going to spend the money on drugs. i don't actually do drugs. i smoke a mild amount of pot socially (i rarely pay for it), and i might do mushrooms roughly once a year but that's really it. i'm not a drug person....
mom
Glad to hear!...I am just an old worry wart. An Old Mother Hen, A Protective Mother Bear Of Her Precious Cubs.
Jessica Amber Murray
i have been drinking more than usual lately, but it's mostly because i'm bored. that should cut down when i get my studio set back up.
mom
I think that is my main reason for drinking as well.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i don't drink like you do, that's for sure...just a few a night...but it's been fairly frequent...
mom
' :o .. :)
I have a feeling that your sister will be here shortly. Charlie Brown is pacing and telling me.....
He just pooed on his doggy diaper...And that is a sign...That someone is on their way...Funny how animals are so damn psychic!
Don't think she will stay long....Cause I look scarier than the classic witch cartoon!...LOL....I will look better though when you see me...I promise...Although you may secretly disagree!..... ;)
Hope Don doesn't show up here too!..He's supposed to go home and call you from his place...His number is **********. I am just too ugly and stinky(for sure) right now. Think Nanny still has that service on her phone..When you see that number.....Answer it.....You will hear his voice anyway.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i'll pick it up when he calls.
mom
Hope your sister show ups soon...I just want to lay my weary old head down for about 6 hours at least. Again, I will be a bit of a disappointment to her..Stink, Scarey look and all...But there is nothing i can do about it at the moment. If, I disappear into the shower, I will miss her.
Jessica Amber Murray
i suppose she called?
mom
No...She isn't supposed to call again...Just show up.
I suppose I should be making a better effort to have a better personal appearance....But, I simply have no energy at all anymore. I am exhausted...I am sure she is as well, and will understand.
Talked to Don...He is willing. He doesn't want to drive his own truck though....No insurance, nor license plates on it anymore. But is willing to secure a truck and drive it. He wants to know how much stuff you have so to know what size of truck to rent. He is going to call you later tonight and talk to you himself.
Jessica Amber Murray
alright. did he want to take the bus back? that would be cheaper.
(gas)
mom
We all three will be in the truck(dog too)...Him and I(and dog)...Will have to rest a bit and then just drive back.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. my sister is being weird about giving me the money tomorrow. she wants to give it to you instead. i dunno.
mom
He is thinking of dropping the truck off at your location(I guess your father's?)...And you will have to be responsible for load up....On I think either Monday or Tuesday....We will all leave probably on probably Tuesday night....
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. that should work fine. but they charge you by the day. would make sense to drop it on the same day we're leaving.
mom
Yes..He has friends in the business, so can secure a cheaper rate.
Jessica Amber Murray
swell. ok, well i think i should be ok with either the biggest budget van or the smallest truck.
i think the van should probably be ok, but if he's getting a special rate, maybe the smallest truck might be a better idea just to be safe.
mom
Yes...your sister is supposed to drop by later with the money....Don will take care of securing the truck...He just wanted to know how much stuff you have. He is going to call you later...Will you be at Nanny's?
A valid driver's license along with a credit card is needed.
It will be his.
I have to pay him back though....And he wants $200.00 for himself. I was a bit taken aback by his demand really..But, I think it will still be cheaper in the long run.
Have to pay for all meals and coffees as well...He say's he doesn't want it to cost him a nickel. Fine!.......He will lose 2 day's pay...Whatever.
That's what the 200 lousy bucks is about....K...Whatever. I agree..Do You?
Agreed.
Whatever is left is for you.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i'm looking at this cash as yours. it's certainly the *easiest* way. can you budget it, though? 200 - don 450 - gas 100? - food ? rental it's adding up. if i can find a straight driver and send them home on the bus, it's $450. i may be able to do even cheaper using a trucker. i'm kind of feeling a little bit guilty getting you to pay for this and sort of want it to be as cheap as possible. i was planning on giving you what was left back, in all honesty. so, i mean...i think it's up to you... this is guaranteed, and it's safe, but it's going to cost you more in the end.
the thing is if you're both coming then the bus back doesn't save much money; 225 for gas vs. roughly that for two bus tickets.
...but if just one of you comes it's a lot cheaper... i guess it depends if the experience is worth it to you or not.
mom
I would love to see your new place and get to experience a little of where you will be existing. It is worth it to me.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, so i guess we're planning for that. we're going to be there wednesday morning, then? i have to call the guy.
mom
What Guy?...Don will secure the truck....He is going to call you later at Nanny's?
Will you be at Nanny's tonight around 9 or so?
Jessica Amber Murray
the guy in windsor. he wants to know when we'll be there.
i should be here tonight, yeah.
mom
He is going to call you and will talk to you himself.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok
mom
K
Prolly Wednesday....Tell him then.
Jessica Amber Murray
i'll call him tomorrow, i should talk to don first.
mom
Yes....True.
I am looking forward to our road-trip adventure together!..... <3 ;) (y) :)
Jessica Amber Murray
lol
mom
No drugs and alcohol allowed though!...I was told very firmly...K...I can abide for sure. Coffees from Timmy's is welcome!....Smoking tobacco is unfortunate(I know)...Will be involved.
Jessica Amber Murray
i still smoke tobacco. my sister was saying you were worried i was going to spend the money on drugs. i don't actually do drugs. i smoke a mild amount of pot socially (i rarely pay for it), and i might do mushrooms roughly once a year but that's really it. i'm not a drug person....
mom
Glad to hear!...I am just an old worry wart. An Old Mother Hen, A Protective Mother Bear Of Her Precious Cubs.
Jessica Amber Murray
i have been drinking more than usual lately, but it's mostly because i'm bored. that should cut down when i get my studio set back up.
mom
I think that is my main reason for drinking as well.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i don't drink like you do, that's for sure...just a few a night...but it's been fairly frequent...
mom
' :o .. :)
I have a feeling that your sister will be here shortly. Charlie Brown is pacing and telling me.....
He just pooed on his doggy diaper...And that is a sign...That someone is on their way...Funny how animals are so damn psychic!
Don't think she will stay long....Cause I look scarier than the classic witch cartoon!...LOL....I will look better though when you see me...I promise...Although you may secretly disagree!..... ;)
Hope Don doesn't show up here too!..He's supposed to go home and call you from his place...His number is **********. I am just too ugly and stinky(for sure) right now. Think Nanny still has that service on her phone..When you see that number.....Answer it.....You will hear his voice anyway.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i'll pick it up when he calls.
mom
Hope your sister show ups soon...I just want to lay my weary old head down for about 6 hours at least. Again, I will be a bit of a disappointment to her..Stink, Scarey look and all...But there is nothing i can do about it at the moment. If, I disappear into the shower, I will miss her.
Jessica Amber Murray
i suppose she called?
mom
No...She isn't supposed to call again...Just show up.
I suppose I should be making a better effort to have a better personal appearance....But, I simply have no energy at all anymore. I am exhausted...I am sure she is as well, and will understand.
Re: moving
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
i had an emotional attachment to those cds, but the music is replaceable. it's very disappointing, but i can deal with that.
he had a number of trophies that he won when he was younger. like, hockey and baseball and football awards. if everything else is gone, did she at least keep these? like, i'm flabbergasted...
is it not the most obvious fucking thing in the world that the kid is going to want to look through personal belongings? i mean, what the fuck...
j
To: sister’s email address
i had an emotional attachment to those cds, but the music is replaceable. it's very disappointing, but i can deal with that.
he had a number of trophies that he won when he was younger. like, hockey and baseball and football awards. if everything else is gone, did she at least keep these? like, i'm flabbergasted...
is it not the most obvious fucking thing in the world that the kid is going to want to look through personal belongings? i mean, what the fuck...
j
Jeff
You talking about your dads stuff and pictures?
Jessica Amber Murray
his cds, his trophies, his medals, his clothes, everything...
Jeff
Who the Fuck?
Jessica Amber Murray
my stepmother.
i don't get along with her so well, but it's really something else not to let a kid sort through their father's stuff before it's tossed to the curb. wow.
Jeff
I have to say the coldest shit I've heard in my life! If be so pissed I'm not sure how long id be in jail for!no way to still get any of it or is it already gone?
Jessica Amber Murray
no, it's gone. all i gots is pics.
Jeff
Not a total loss..some is better then none but shame on your stepmom cause that's not right man. Pictures are good because your end up looking at them years later and don't have to put a face to the name. And if ya have kids they see what he looks like young and old eh. Kids might not be on the list right now but just saying.
Jessica Amber Murray
no, i'm glad i have the pictures, don't get me wrong on that.
You talking about your dads stuff and pictures?
Jessica Amber Murray
his cds, his trophies, his medals, his clothes, everything...
Jeff
Who the Fuck?
Jessica Amber Murray
my stepmother.
i don't get along with her so well, but it's really something else not to let a kid sort through their father's stuff before it's tossed to the curb. wow.
Jeff
I have to say the coldest shit I've heard in my life! If be so pissed I'm not sure how long id be in jail for!no way to still get any of it or is it already gone?
Jessica Amber Murray
no, it's gone. all i gots is pics.
Jeff
Not a total loss..some is better then none but shame on your stepmom cause that's not right man. Pictures are good because your end up looking at them years later and don't have to put a face to the name. And if ya have kids they see what he looks like young and old eh. Kids might not be on the list right now but just saying.
Jessica Amber Murray
no, i'm glad i have the pictures, don't get me wrong on that.
Re: moving
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm really disappointed that you didn't give me the opportunity to sort through my father's belongings.
i mean, honestly...???
j
To: stepmother’s email address
i'm really disappointed that you didn't give me the opportunity to sort through my father's belongings.
i mean, honestly...???
j
Re: mom's money
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email
the money *was* for my first/last, but that became redundant. i'm not going to have this arranged before you leave tomorrow.
if you want to give it back to her directly, that's fine, but it would have to be done tonight or tomorrow. as mentioned, i don't really want it transferred to me, either; i can claim money as a gift if they make me, but i've already had a large deposits come through and i don't want to flag myself. are you sure it's not easier just to give it to me tomorrow? she knows this is happening...
j
To: sister’s email
the money *was* for my first/last, but that became redundant. i'm not going to have this arranged before you leave tomorrow.
if you want to give it back to her directly, that's fine, but it would have to be done tonight or tomorrow. as mentioned, i don't really want it transferred to me, either; i can claim money as a gift if they make me, but i've already had a large deposits come through and i don't want to flag myself. are you sure it's not easier just to give it to me tomorrow? she knows this is happening...
j
RE: moving
From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
If you want to come by and measure tomorrow while your sister is here that is fine however I expect you to leave once completed. At this time you are not welcome in my house. I have kept the CD's I wanted and sold the rest. Your father only had 2 records which I have given away. There are no medal or trophies. All Bob's clothes other than the Habs and SF stuff have been donated to the Mission. Your sister gave you the pictures.
What is in the garage are your boxes and all the equipment that was in the basement.. I have added a microwave, a brand new bed and frame ($700), a new pillow and towel, 2 sets of new sheets, the leather chair, bookcase and the desk and desk chair. As well you were recently given a newer laptop.
I have attached a letter for ODSB.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aug 1, 2013
To Whom It May Concern,
As executor for the estate of my late husband, I did forward a one-time inheritance amount
of $1600.00 on July 28th, 2013 to his son Jason Parent.
If you have any questions or concerns please contact me directly at **********.
Regards
The Stepmother
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
If you want to come by and measure tomorrow while your sister is here that is fine however I expect you to leave once completed. At this time you are not welcome in my house. I have kept the CD's I wanted and sold the rest. Your father only had 2 records which I have given away. There are no medal or trophies. All Bob's clothes other than the Habs and SF stuff have been donated to the Mission. Your sister gave you the pictures.
What is in the garage are your boxes and all the equipment that was in the basement.. I have added a microwave, a brand new bed and frame ($700), a new pillow and towel, 2 sets of new sheets, the leather chair, bookcase and the desk and desk chair. As well you were recently given a newer laptop.
I have attached a letter for ODSB.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aug 1, 2013
To Whom It May Concern,
As executor for the estate of my late husband, I did forward a one-time inheritance amount
of $1600.00 on July 28th, 2013 to his son Jason Parent.
If you have any questions or concerns please contact me directly at **********.
Regards
The Stepmother
Re: mom's money
From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
the money is for your moving expenses. it has already been deposited for transfer, but if the cash is simply to be given to you, i’ll bring it back to mom to do it herself. if don is the one doing the moving, you can get whatever she wants to give you from her.
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
the money is for your moving expenses. it has already been deposited for transfer, but if the cash is simply to be given to you, i’ll bring it back to mom to do it herself. if don is the one doing the moving, you can get whatever she wants to give you from her.
moving
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
i think things went well today.
i wanted to come by and just measure things in the garage. i have an ad up at a site that puts small loads in contact with truckers that have extra space. they want exact dimensions and exact objects because it makes a difference relative to the cargo and packing space. it's something i could have done quietly by myself, all i would need would be a few pieces of paper and a pen. i was thinking my sister was going to be there, so if you're uncomfortable around me for whatever reason...
it's something i sort of need to do. perhaps tomorrow would be better, right before they leave?
that being said, i may be able to get a drive with my mother's boyfriend. he owns a truck. in that case, it's not necessary. if i don't know by tomorrow, though, i think it would make sense for me to do this while they're still around. i can do it quietly by myself....
as for my father's belongings, i don't know if he left any directions regarding any of it or not. you've indicated that you get everything. that's fine. however, there's a number of cds and records in his collection that have been very important to me over my life. it's mostly prog stuff from the 70s - genesis, pink floyd, king crimson. if i could have those, it would mean a whole lot to me. so, i would really appreciate the chance to look through his collection....or i can just take all of it and sort through it later. the music i was able to appreciate through him and share with him is one of the things i'm going to remember him by.
as for the other things, i don't know what you plan to do with them. are you going to keep things? discard them? would you mind if i took a look through anything that you want to discard before you do so? i think it would be a shame to have these things simply thrown out. i may be interested in taking things like trophies, medals, maybe a few shirts...
j
To: stepmother’s email address
i think things went well today.
i wanted to come by and just measure things in the garage. i have an ad up at a site that puts small loads in contact with truckers that have extra space. they want exact dimensions and exact objects because it makes a difference relative to the cargo and packing space. it's something i could have done quietly by myself, all i would need would be a few pieces of paper and a pen. i was thinking my sister was going to be there, so if you're uncomfortable around me for whatever reason...
it's something i sort of need to do. perhaps tomorrow would be better, right before they leave?
that being said, i may be able to get a drive with my mother's boyfriend. he owns a truck. in that case, it's not necessary. if i don't know by tomorrow, though, i think it would make sense for me to do this while they're still around. i can do it quietly by myself....
as for my father's belongings, i don't know if he left any directions regarding any of it or not. you've indicated that you get everything. that's fine. however, there's a number of cds and records in his collection that have been very important to me over my life. it's mostly prog stuff from the 70s - genesis, pink floyd, king crimson. if i could have those, it would mean a whole lot to me. so, i would really appreciate the chance to look through his collection....or i can just take all of it and sort through it later. the music i was able to appreciate through him and share with him is one of the things i'm going to remember him by.
as for the other things, i don't know what you plan to do with them. are you going to keep things? discard them? would you mind if i took a look through anything that you want to discard before you do so? i think it would be a shame to have these things simply thrown out. i may be interested in taking things like trophies, medals, maybe a few shirts...
j
mom's money
From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
i need to be careful about money going through banks, too.
could you bring it tomorrow?
also, did you mention the cds to the stepmother? i'll send her an email...
turns out don might drive me for gas money. i'll take it.
j
To: sister’s email address
i need to be careful about money going through banks, too.
could you bring it tomorrow?
also, did you mention the cds to the stepmother? i'll send her an email...
turns out don might drive me for gas money. i'll take it.
j
a path
mom
J...There could be a potentially new idea....Don owns a big moving truck. I could ask him if he could be the driver...The 3 of us would sit in it(Charlie Brown on the floor...Or in my lap...He's little)....I could approach(him with the idea) and we could make a holiday out of it(him and I....It would be a bonding experience for us all!....Where is your sister?...Is she still in town?
Jessica Amber Murray
if you're up for it, that sounds like a good idea. it's going to cost like $450 in gas (225 both ways), but if it gets paid for out of the money you gave me, that's probably still just about as cheap as is possible. my sister is in town until tomorrow afternoon. i'll have to make sure she gives me that money tomorrow.
mom
I just wrote and it disappeared....Anyways...I am rewriting. I have to talk to Don first. His truck has his son's junk stored in it right now and will have to be emptied first...But he(the son) has a big enough garage and basement where the junk can be stored for awhile anyway. The money will have to be recouped from your sister. I will talk to Don soon. If I approach him right...I think he will help. We wouldn't be able to leave before Tuesday though.
Jessica Amber Murray
that's ok, tuesday or wednesday is about when i was planning for. is there a way you could let me know today or tomorrow, though, so i can plan around it?
mom
He will be calling me around supper time...I will know soon after.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. thanks.
J...There could be a potentially new idea....Don owns a big moving truck. I could ask him if he could be the driver...The 3 of us would sit in it(Charlie Brown on the floor...Or in my lap...He's little)....I could approach(him with the idea) and we could make a holiday out of it(him and I....It would be a bonding experience for us all!....Where is your sister?...Is she still in town?
Jessica Amber Murray
if you're up for it, that sounds like a good idea. it's going to cost like $450 in gas (225 both ways), but if it gets paid for out of the money you gave me, that's probably still just about as cheap as is possible. my sister is in town until tomorrow afternoon. i'll have to make sure she gives me that money tomorrow.
mom
I just wrote and it disappeared....Anyways...I am rewriting. I have to talk to Don first. His truck has his son's junk stored in it right now and will have to be emptied first...But he(the son) has a big enough garage and basement where the junk can be stored for awhile anyway. The money will have to be recouped from your sister. I will talk to Don soon. If I approach him right...I think he will help. We wouldn't be able to leave before Tuesday though.
Jessica Amber Murray
that's ok, tuesday or wednesday is about when i was planning for. is there a way you could let me know today or tomorrow, though, so i can plan around it?
mom
He will be calling me around supper time...I will know soon after.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. thanks.
it's short notice, but...
....my dad's funeral is at 10:00 tomorrow (thursday) at macdougall, which is at albion & hunt club.
i don't expect you to come. but you're welcome if you'd like to.
i'll be leaving for windsor some time this upcoming week. monday, tuesday, wednesday - something like that. i'm going to be living there permanently...
...so if you want to see me before i go, please contact me for coffee. you have no idea how much it would mean to me to seduce, err, i mean, say bye to you before i go.
**********
j
i don't expect you to come. but you're welcome if you'd like to.
i'll be leaving for windsor some time this upcoming week. monday, tuesday, wednesday - something like that. i'm going to be living there permanently...
...so if you want to see me before i go, please contact me for coffee. you have no idea how much it would mean to me to seduce, err, i mean, say bye to you before i go.
**********
j
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)