Jessica Amber Murray
hey, i'm glad you found what you
were looking for without having to move away from your family and
school. i think that's a better outcome. of course, who cares what i
think... listen, i have to ask you a favour. it's going to sound insane.
to an extent, i acknowledge it is literally insane, relative to the
meaning of insane. what i mean to say is that i'm aware that i have
hallucinations, auditory and otherwise, and that sometimes i get stuck
in these paranoid fantasies that draw...the truth is that they draw very
rational, formally deductive conclusions. the issue is really a
struggle between interpreting the world through deductive or empirical
reasoning. i think there's a very good reason that schizophrenia and
mathematical abilities tend to go well together. i tend to get stuck in
hallucinations and fantasies when i spend a lot of time alone, so, like,
it's right on schedule sort of thing. i don't really want to medicate
myself. i'd rather use it as an idea source for art projects. but i sort
of do medicate, if you see what i mean. i need to find some soon. so,
i'm walking down the street a few minutes ago and i hear sarah yell at
me. see, i *know* i hallucinated this. but, what i'm less clear about is
*why* i hallucinated this. it could just be my mind playing tricks on
me, nothing to think about. it could be the result of some kind of
entanglement that's beyond our current understanding of things. what i
know is that i know how to rationalize through things and deal with
them. but she sounded like she was in trouble. so, what if there *is*
some kind of not understood entanglement thing going on? it would sort
of make me feel better if you could just give her a quick call and ask
her if she's ok. i have the number in my cell phone at home if you don't
have it.
Shelly Teagan
Ill get as to do it. But yeah ill do it.
Also, you need to go and meet people. Im a bit worried.
Whats her number.
Also,
i should have left to get rid of my parents. I found out that i had a
very physically abusive childhoo, but have blocked out all these
memories. So yeah, ive cut my parents out for trying to distort reality
all these years and try to play me off as crazy.
I should be in windsor. But Jess!!!!!! Go hang out with the wobblies and play risk or something
Jessica Amber Murray
lols.
no. crazy music on the way. this is what i do, erin....i push myself to
the brink and then record myself freaking out...i'm safe, and people
around me are safe, it's nothing to really be concerned about. abusive
parents are such a...my mom and step-mom were both really bad, verbally.
but it hasn't cut out a necessary reliance with my mom (my step-mom is
OUT). it's such a fine line between codependency and reconciliation, you
know? hard thing to walk between... i'll go home and get the number, i
just have to finish writing an email to my landlord first.
Shelly Teagan
Go hang out peeps, jess. Go!!!!
