i just want to post an update here...

i'm ever so further from catching up. i've lost weeks to all kinds of needless things. my laptop came back, but i had to ditch the screen. and, then my grandmother sent me a check for a new machine, which is being used to fix all the little things i need to fix in my apartment - which will probably take me until the end of the summer.

i don't like the fact that i'm wasting all of this time, obviously. but, functionally speaking, i need to plan for a return by the end of the year at the latest in order to catch back up with the alter-reality. i had to stop updating the alter-reality at the end of 1996 because the next entry was a concert review (i mother earth / moist, jan 1997). and, further, i had to make sure everything was in line for the period disc, which is why i was recreating the history in this music vlog. so, i have to finish the concert reviews before i can back to the reconstruction. but, i'll also have to read my notes to get a clearer understanding of exactly what i was doing. that said, there really wasn't a lot to go over in 1997 besides reliving the past.

i was grounded until march, 1997. i then finished my second demo in junish. i moved shortly. and had no recording capacities until christmas, when i got the 4-track. inrisampled was created over the fall, but it is such a minor entry...

the point is that i can recreate this pretty quickly and that living it in real time isn't very important to the broader scheme of things. it's more important to build the period disc. and, i have to do that in sequence.

i have another court date coming up. basically, my landlord is doing things designed to coerce me to leave in retaliation for the previous battle, and she can't do that under canadian law. we don't really have a concept of property rights in ontario; instead, owning property binds you to a daunting list of responsibilities. not only does a property owner not have the ability to coerce a tenant out, but it's actually punishable under the criminal code. what i'm suing her for is rent, but what i want is a mediation process, and i might settle for nothing if i can get a decent course of action - if not, i will continue to sue her for back rent until she relents or she sells. that's what this is coming to, here. if i win this round, it's going to set off an all-out war, and i grasp that, but i'm not intending to move, either. sometimes, you just have to dig in and fight.

if i were to provide a guess on an eta as to when i can get back to posting substantive updates, i'd guess we're looking at around hallowe'en. it's not what i want, it's just life.

i have a habit of disappearing. i won't be back for a while, still. but, i'm at least in the process of rebuilding. i'll be filling in some holes over march, april and may as i go.

so, what happened?

well, i guess i got stuck trying to catch up with the concert reviews over february, and it just turned into a black hole. my head is fine - or at least as good as it's going to get. no headaches since the aspirin. i don't know...

as it is, i haven't touched the concert section since the end of march because i got sucked into a fight with my landlord that cost me the entirety of april through the process of editing. i haven't been doing anything except partying and editing since the first week of april.

i also broke my primary laptop at the beginning of may, but i might be able to fix it.

right now, i'm just trying to put together a series of loose ends, and then get back to the recursion. at some point soon, i'll be be back to the concert reviews, and then back to rebuilding. and, i'll have to remind myself where i was, when i stopped to rebuild.

the following reviews now have pictures:

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2010/10/10.html  (hey rosetta, ottawa)
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2011/01/21.html (braids, ottawa)
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2011/05/10.html (nils frahm, ottawa)
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2011/07/10.html (a perfect circle / electronic picnic, ottawa)
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2011/10/05.html (valleys/suuns/ps i love you, ottawa)
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2011/11/05.html (sheezer, ottawa)

there will be more after 2012, as i kind of made it a habit to take shots before i went out, and still do.

i finally got up until the end of 2011 comprehensively finished before i slept, yesterday.

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

i can't remember when i last updated this here, but i've uploaded a lot of videos here:


...and i've updated this list quite a bit, too:


i'm hoping i can get most of 2012 done today. it should be a lit faster, after that.

you ever had a headache for a month, solid?

the relief is the sweetest thing you can imagine, and while i'm aware that i'm under threat of relapse, i seem to at the least have developed a repeatably demonstrable solution to the problem.

so, did the aspirin fix the headache, or did the concussion just go away? i can't know. but, i think i'm going to be a little less apprehensive about taking aspirin going forwards, and a little less tied to some kind of hardcore notion of just toughing it out. i think i have reasons to periodically use it as a blood thinner...

or, maybe it was the blood work.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloodletting

so, i'm back from round two of the hospital visits (and i stopped to get a blood test, so it was about an hour and a half wait, if you're curious).

i want to be clear that i'm dealing with a serious head injury. whether my analyses turn out to be founded or not, i'm not wasting anybody's time in exploring the full range of possibilities regarding diagnoses, tests and treatment options. that said, i walked out of the hospital a little uneasy about the analysis, and without losing a feeling of needing to monitor myself closely.

after explaining the situation, he started by squashing the idea that i may have had any kind of stroke, mini-stroke or embolism on the night in question - he said there was no way i could have walked away from the situation after having a stroke (i'm not convinced that is true...), that i'm not showing symptoms of a stroke (i'm not sure this is true, either) and that the multitude of classic post-concussion symptoms should clarify the point: i was concussed.

so, it's official: i've been diagnosed with a concussion, and with post-concussion syndrome. that fact carries some weight with it. but, you'll take it for what it's worth, given that neither of us saw what happened.

i'm actually willing to go along with this, though. from this point on, we're going to assume the root cause of the situation was a concussion, and i'm going to have to invest some time into figuring out how that happened the next time that i'm in the vicinity of the club. again: the bouncer told me. but, i was just coming back into consciousness, and it's lost...

well, the next question is obvious: could i have developed clotting as a consequence of the concussion?

theoretically.

but?

but that would mean you'd be hemorrhaging badly, and you're just not showing those kinds of symptoms.

and that's solid? it's not possible that i could get clotting from mild bleeding?

what you're angling at is not impossible, but is extremely unlikely.

well, how do you explain the fact that the aspirin works after a long delay and for a long time, and the tylenol doesn't?

the truth is i can't. sometimes tylenol works, and sometimes aspirin works, and sometimes one works and the other doesn't, and sometimes they both work and sometimes neither do. there's no logic to it.

i suspect there's some logic to it...

there's no logic to it that anybody really understands. we're not even sure how they work.

hrmmmn. but, the absence of a systemic classification doesn't entirely rule out my deduction.

it doesn't. but, if you were dealing with clots, you'd be in far worse shape than you're in.

but, what i'm concerned about is the possibility that i'm developing clots. i obviously hadn't had a stroke yet. but, couldn't the aspirin be thinning the blood and preventing the clot from forming? and, if it is, and i'm on the brink...

there's no "on the brink". it's binary...

----

and, i'm going to stop here, because i know this is wrong. people take aspirin as blood thinners. it is clearly a thing. but, what do i do from this point? yell at him to take a blood test? demand anticoagulants? raise a workers revolt in the er room? demand him to present a source?

i did none of these things. i just sat quietly and waited for him to finish, aware that he had already decided i'm not under threat of anything, and was telling me lies in order to shuffle me out of the place.

i had already reasoned going in that i was unlikely to walk out of the place with anything more than an instruction to continue taking aspirin. what i wanted was a way to measure the concern, so i'd have some quantifiable measurement of the problem. if the situation persists, i'll have to try again.

for right now, i've actually avoided the aspirin up to this point for today. perhaps the pre-clot has been broken up by the aspirin, and that's the end of it. or, perhaps the effects of the concussion are subsiding.

but, i'll reiterate that i've been officially diagnosed with a concussion and post-concussion syndrome, that i need to continue to monitor this and that that might not be my last trip to the emergency room over this.

i should be transporting myself to the hospital right now, but the wind chill has picked up. take off, eh, right? the one night that i need to go for a walk...

my head has been clear enough since about 11:00 am. and, i've been chipping away at the list since around 5:00. but, i can feel it starting to come back, though. that's a clean 15 hours. aspirin just doesn't last 15 hours as an anti-inflammatory agent...

ugh. you can't blame me for not wanting to deal with this. but, no - i need to bundle up and get out the door.

i don't have an actual update to the html file, but the playlists have both update and i've got the first few months of 2012 done. i wanted more than this done, but, so be it...

i need to shave and go.

so, it's consistent - it takes the aspirin about an hour and a half to take effect, and over two hours to really work. when the aspirin is working, i can feel the headache as a dull stab in the back of my sinuses, if that makes sense, but it doesn't overtake me - it allows me to function. the aspirin then works in keeping the headache manageable for roughly 20 hours, before it gets debilitating again.

the last several times i took tylenol, it did not work at all.

i am neither a chemist nor a doctor, but the evidence in front of me suggests that the aspirin is functioning as an anti-coagulant, rather than as an anti-inflammatory drug. the reasons for this are due to the ineffectiveness of tylenol and both the delay in aspirin working, and the length of time it lasts for.

i am going to bring myself back to the hospital over night under the premises of concerns about clotting, and hope they can advise on immediate steps in a way that avoids a catscan.

i am probably not at risk for a heart attack, but i may be at risk for a stroke. and, i may have actually had a stroke on that night, due to the interaction of nicotine with estrogen.

ok.

i ain't dead yet...put the champagne away for at least another day...

the windows are closed. and, my headache is back, albeit not as bad as it was two days ago.

it's been long enough for me to take some more aspirin, and we will see in two-three hours from now if the relief is in the form of aspirin or fresh air, which will answer a more fundamental question: do i have a blood clot in my head?

if the aspirin resolves the pain, i am going to conclude that i do actually have a blood cot, and i'm going back to the hospital with this new evidence, which i believe eliminates the need for a cat scan in moving forwards.

hey. i'm a math nerd. this is what i do: i solve problems. and, i'm right. and, if you're a doctor, you know it, too.

i have this  playlist updated, now, which is actually a big step forwards.



and i'm going to stop to sleep...i've been awake since a little after midnight...

so, i have some good news in the sense that i got a full day in without serious headaches.

but, the real test is as to whether i wake up in the morning or not as i allow the aspirin's effects to wear off.

the windows have been closed for a few hours, and they have to be with the turn in the weather. the headache has actually stayed away, but it's like i'm walking a high wire act and prepared to fall off: i can feel the tension underneath, just waiting to reassert itself

i'm going to keep the windows closed for at least a few days, and we'll see what happens. do i wake up with a headache? does the aspirin work without opening the windows after all, and in such a way that suggests it's working as a blood thinner rather than an anti-inflammatory? and, if so what next...

i'm a little uneasy about this, actually. hopefully i'm still alive in a few hours and can get back to the more formal concert build-up.

the walk to the hospital was truly brutal - i was legitimately in some brutal pain, and rather concerned about it.

but, a funny thing happened when i got to the hospital: the headache slowly lifted. note that my experiences over the last several days has been that i get an hour or two when i wake up, and then a headache i can't deal with until i fall back asleep, when the pattern reverses.

it became clear while i was waiting in the waiting room that what's causing the headache is the gas leak, or the air quality down here, in general. and, that itself was remarkably relieving.

i'm not yet ruling out the possibility of head trauma - you'll recall that i lost my sense of smell for days - but i've got a strong cause and effect on the immediate cause of the headaches being environmental.

i waited to see the doctor, anyways. she actually offered me a catscan as a precautionary measure. i would have taken an mri, it's what i was there for after all, but i didn't see the need to put myself through the radiation risk of a catscan....

let's say i take the cat scan. what next?

you'll come back in a week for another cat scan.

so, how about i just wait a week, then?

it's up to you...

indeed, it is. pro-tip: never trust a doctor.

but i at least got a better grasp on what they can do, based on what it could be.

1) if it's a concussion, there's nothing i can do except wait.
2) if there's bruising or bleeding, they'll have to do scans and go from there.

i've only been back inside for a few moments and i'm already feeling queasy. we'll see how things change when i drop my cart back off and come back in.

it's clear enough, though: the air quality in this basement is toxic and the windows basically need to be open at all times until it's dealt with.

the tylenol stopped working a few days ago.

i tried aspirin this morning with no effect.

i am unable to do anything except stare at the wall. so, i am taking myself to the hospital.

yes: the hospital. a clinic could not do anything except give me drugs (which i don't want, and won't take, unless i get a clear diagnosis first) and send me to the hospital. i want some tests done regarding potential bruising or burst vessels, along with being checked for stroke symptoms....

i'm not walking out of there with a codeine prescription, either. that's how they get you. i'd take a gram of the green, but you have to fucking mail order it....

well, the good news is that my throat doesn't hurt anymore. but, that inflection point didn't go through: my head didn't fully clear yesterday, and took me out several times, including at the end of the night.

i woke up with a mild background headache: it's workable, but a reminder that i'm not over it, yet.

i just finished up the last few shows from 2011 this morning, so i'm making progress. slowly, through a difficult wrench, but surely. i'm going to eat now, and hopefully i'm able to be productive after lunch. but, i could end up waiting for the headache to pass, too.

is this all the result of whatever happened the other night at the festival? i've been noticing a symptom of very bloodshot eyes. but, you'll recall that i was complaining about that weeks ago, and that i thought it was connected to the hep b (which i don't actually have). and, you'll recall that i've been complaining about headaches connected to the gas leak in here...

my nose has not been working recently, but i'll point out that i woke up to that same nasty smell, this morning, that i've been associating with the leaks, which i've been associating with the headaches. how much of this is due to concussion, how much of it is due to gas leaks, how much of it is due to allergies and how much of it is due to the virus are things i'll probably never be able to disentangle.

what i really want is for the temperature to stay above ten degrees so that i can keep the windows open and get some fresh air in here without cranking the heat up.

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

this is another way to order the data, and is in some ways more complete, although it is also omits shows where i could only find a clip or two.

obviously, the set has to be from the same tour to be included.

this band was always obscure even amongst obscurantists, so this reunion set might be the best i'll ever find. i was able to confirm, at the show, that they are all cardiacs fans, though.

i'll again put out a request for a full set from 2010 or 2011....if you've got it, get it up and find a way to let me know....

i got nailed by my head this morning and was forced to take a nap. the tylenol just decided to stop working, and left me entirely debilitated. i woke up to a much more normal high pressure, sunny february day - and suspect that the dramatic shift in atmospheric pressure and 25 degree celsius drop over night at least didn't help.

but, it may actually be an inflection point, as it's come down to a mild annoyance. hopefully, i can get a good dent into this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0ixf6eME28

i'm up to mid-2011, now. about to crash....

i will be very productive tomorrow.

http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

it's two weeks, and my head is still throbbing.

it also turns out that a loss of smell is a common concussion side-effect.

it's pretty clear that i had a concussion, at this point. but, how?

i wish i could remember exactly what happened before i lost consciousness. but, that's a part of having a concussion: you don't remember how it happened.

i remember putting my sweater on to go outside after the ritual howls set, and i remember that adult was playing when i went back in, after i came to. i caught the bulk of their set, even. so, i'm really only missing ten-twenty minutes of the night. so, like....i could have even been hit by the door. you know?

i didn't have any bumps on my head or visible marks. but, i'm clearly dealing with a post-concussion syndrome. and, i don't have any real reason to think it's going to clear by tonight.

it goes away fairly quickly with some tylenol; i'm not writhing in agony, or anything. but, it would be nice if it would go away, now.

i guess i slept all day.

the truth is that the headache never really went away. but, the sinuses haven't cleared, either. so, i still can't say whether i'm dealing solely with a virus, or with a virus + a concussion or even with a virus + allergies + a concussion.

if the virus doesn't go away soon, it might last so long that the concussion symptoms disappear, too - in which case, i'll never know if i had one. shrug.

as with last month, the editing process (i have to write up the blurbs...) is being slowed down by externalities, but i should be able to get it all down after i eat and back to finishing the concert listings. it's easy to blame the slow down on the detour, but we can all see that it isn't the problem....

as of right now, it does not seem likely that i will go out anywhere on the weekend. the weather is also set to turn. but these sicknesses tend to rapidly reverse themselves, and the timing of the fronts is hard to say, as well.

i did get some major cleaning over the last ten hours or so, but it hasn't really resolved the smell.

the truth is that my nose remains unable to discern between different smells, or even the existence of one. the coffee, the toast and the hallway all smell the same to me. but, i'm worried that the background smell of dank smoke has taken over the entire unit.

?

the reason is that the smell is closest to the ceiling, and in every direction. it's even in the farthest rooms, where smoke from two floors up and on the other side can't possibly be seeping in to. i'm almost willing to conclude that the direct upstairs neighbour (the obese one...) started smoking.

but, then again, i always thought he was a secret bathroom smoker.

the reality is that i can't react until my sense of smell returns. i can't even tell toast, coffee and smoke apart. i could be imagining the whole thing.

but, the other possibility is that the ceiling upstairs is still out, or is out in a different place. that would allow the smoke two floors up to invade the upstairs, and then seep down here.

for right now, all i can really say is that i'm not experiencing the turnover in the air that i was hoping i'd experience. the air feels like it's stuck in here, and the open windows aren't really helping much. i'm going to make it a point to turn the heat right off this afternoon.

i need to do some shopping today. it's going to be gorgeous out. i'm only at midday, but i'm a little sleepy, so i'm going to get a nap in, and go from there.

how am i doing?

i'm feeling a whole hell of a lot better. really.

i'm skipping this show tonight:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMueDWG86JU

it's an experiential thing, solely. apparently, they follow the same algorithm every set, so once you've heard it once you've heard it all. and, while i'm sure i'd enjoy it, i'd rather stay in and nurse my remaining sickness.

the headache is gone. but, i've also had the windows open all day and will probably leave them open for the next several days. when my nose cleared enough this morning to regain a sense of smell, the first thing i noticed was that my apartment smells like stale smoke and that it may have been a part of the cause of my coughing fits.

i'm focusing right now on cycling the air out, which is going to mean an early spring cleaning. i want to focus on finding hidden sources of dust. i forgot to clean at all this month....

i've spent the last several days editing and watching vlogs, which are now being uploaded. i'm happy with this algorithm: a few hours to edit for the month, a few days to render, about six hours to watch them and then a few days to upload. then i'm not thinking about it for another month...

i've made some progress with the show reviews, but it's been slow due to distractions. i'm not particularly upset about this. but, i'd like to get over the hump tonight, too.

so, that's the last few days: necessary editing shit while nursing a cold, and being less productive than i could be due to distraction. hey, i read a few things. i'm not wasting time, i'm stretching it out.