https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Saturday, August 6, 2016
where have you been?
"it's alright, we know where you've been."
i wanted to finish up to inri015 before i stopped, but i got to a point where i just had to shower. i felt i wasn't focusing and needed a bit of a break. i tried a lot of things, and i was just so horribly distracted...
wednesday was spent doing laumdry. on thursday, i cleaned the apartment top to bottom. i did a compost run on friday and picked up a new set of phones. today, i did some groceries - although it wasn't as much as i wanted.
i think i can finish the boring part of writing up inri014 and inri015 today - tracklistings. etc. but, i'm going to check the show schedule, first.
either tonight or tomorrow, i'm going to begin a final listening of inri002-inri015 over every source i have. i will then move on.
the alter-reality kicks in for good on sept 1. that will be the next thing i focus on.
...and i have an appointment on the 11th to discuss the mri results with the doctor the referred me in the first place. i don't know what to expect, but think i will probably walk out with another referral to some kind of bone specialist.
"it's alright, we know where you've been."
i wanted to finish up to inri015 before i stopped, but i got to a point where i just had to shower. i felt i wasn't focusing and needed a bit of a break. i tried a lot of things, and i was just so horribly distracted...
wednesday was spent doing laumdry. on thursday, i cleaned the apartment top to bottom. i did a compost run on friday and picked up a new set of phones. today, i did some groceries - although it wasn't as much as i wanted.
i think i can finish the boring part of writing up inri014 and inri015 today - tracklistings. etc. but, i'm going to check the show schedule, first.
either tonight or tomorrow, i'm going to begin a final listening of inri002-inri015 over every source i have. i will then move on.
the alter-reality kicks in for good on sept 1. that will be the next thing i focus on.
...and i have an appointment on the 11th to discuss the mri results with the doctor the referred me in the first place. i don't know what to expect, but think i will probably walk out with another referral to some kind of bone specialist.
water damage from the air conditioner (is that really the best window for it? how about a bucket?)
hi.
brief email....
i'm just attaching some pictures of the damage created by the a/c on the front step, as well as the consequences of it on the space under the step.
i'm currently running two fans in the space to air it out. i've also left the door open and am keeping the window open over night. but, why not just put a bucket on the step to catch the water?
brief email....
i'm just attaching some pictures of the damage created by the a/c on the front step, as well as the consequences of it on the space under the step.
i'm currently running two fans in the space to air it out. i've also left the door open and am keeping the window open over night. but, why not just put a bucket on the step to catch the water?
Friday, August 5, 2016
Thursday, August 4, 2016
i wrote this during the 2008 election cycle. it's out of sequence, so it won't be up very long. it's about my perceptions of obama in the lead up to november....
the point is that this isn't new. not only did i not buy into the hope, but i was actually deeply disillusioned that the country fell for it so badly - and to an extent seemed to legitimately buy into it.
-
face in sand and textbooks filled with dread
crazy ideals swirl inside your head
the rhetoric of competition just deflates
how is it that some beings can actually relate?
no. no. no. n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-o. what i say is....
(chirping)
psst.
it's ok.
it's safe out here.
the warmth of the sand is lost, but i think that you might find that the crispness of the air is refreshing in it's own respect.
pssst.
it's ok.
we would like you to reappear.
i know that it seems as though you can't, but if you yank that head out of the sand...
...your descendants might some day spread some wings and float off into the galaxy!
that's what you've always wanted, isn't it?
just to fly off into the galaxy?
to spread some wings and float away?
oh, what a wonderful goal that is.
first...
enjoy the breeze.
it's been so long, hasn't it?
now...
take a look at the world around you..
and look what you've done.
i'm not just saying that.
really.
take a look around you...
look what you've done.
put down the sports and the porn and the reality tv and the badly acted reinterpretations of star trek and look what you've done!
in what,
in the name of democracy?
and the spread of human rights?
of freedom of speech,
and of freedom of thought?
look what you've done!
our most cherished axioms are tainted now, they're done.
you shoot your neighbour in the face, you think you're free.
you shoot my sibling in the face, tell me i'm free.
they'll blame it on me,
but this is not my hypocrisy.
you're shooting people in the face and telling them they're free.
no.
i don't want to be
part of this polity
that would ignore these pleas
if it's up to me,
i'll choose not to be
in your community
if you'll ignore these pleas
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/first-movement
the point is that this isn't new. not only did i not buy into the hope, but i was actually deeply disillusioned that the country fell for it so badly - and to an extent seemed to legitimately buy into it.
-
face in sand and textbooks filled with dread
crazy ideals swirl inside your head
the rhetoric of competition just deflates
how is it that some beings can actually relate?
no. no. no. n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-o. what i say is....
(chirping)
psst.
it's ok.
it's safe out here.
the warmth of the sand is lost, but i think that you might find that the crispness of the air is refreshing in it's own respect.
pssst.
it's ok.
we would like you to reappear.
i know that it seems as though you can't, but if you yank that head out of the sand...
...your descendants might some day spread some wings and float off into the galaxy!
that's what you've always wanted, isn't it?
just to fly off into the galaxy?
to spread some wings and float away?
oh, what a wonderful goal that is.
first...
enjoy the breeze.
it's been so long, hasn't it?
now...
take a look at the world around you..
and look what you've done.
i'm not just saying that.
really.
take a look around you...
look what you've done.
put down the sports and the porn and the reality tv and the badly acted reinterpretations of star trek and look what you've done!
in what,
in the name of democracy?
and the spread of human rights?
of freedom of speech,
and of freedom of thought?
look what you've done!
our most cherished axioms are tainted now, they're done.
you shoot your neighbour in the face, you think you're free.
you shoot my sibling in the face, tell me i'm free.
they'll blame it on me,
but this is not my hypocrisy.
you're shooting people in the face and telling them they're free.
no.
i don't want to be
part of this polity
that would ignore these pleas
if it's up to me,
i'll choose not to be
in your community
if you'll ignore these pleas
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/first-movement
i took the mri looking for something like this, in an attempt to rule
out ms. i was never looking for a growth. i'm not surprised that they
couldn't find anything - i don't see any reason to take another with a
contrast agent. but, there may be some subtleties in the imaging. i
obviously just simply don't know.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporomandibular_joint_dysfunction
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporomandibular_joint_dysfunction
progress update relating to inri014
i've had a down period the last two weeks that's a consequence of a variety of things, but i don't expect any further political commentary that is in any way meaningful.
i have a meeting on aug 11 to discuss the mri results with the ear doctor. i expect that it will lead to a referral to see another doctor - either a bone specialist of some sort or possibly a dentist. there is some possibility that i may get a bad surprise. a lot of uncertainty remains around this, and i just have to wait.
this "hybrid double ep single" that i left off at is in fact constructed. i just need to finish writing the notes - which shouldn't be taking so long.
i also need to be cleaning for the rest of the week, and will need to do a compost run, soon.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
i have a meeting on aug 11 to discuss the mri results with the ear doctor. i expect that it will lead to a referral to see another doctor - either a bone specialist of some sort or possibly a dentist. there is some possibility that i may get a bad surprise. a lot of uncertainty remains around this, and i just have to wait.
this "hybrid double ep single" that i left off at is in fact constructed. i just need to finish writing the notes - which shouldn't be taking so long.
i also need to be cleaning for the rest of the week, and will need to do a compost run, soon.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
i'm a little more productive today, but i'm still dragging. i just spent a while dropping the relevant vlogs on to the facebook page.
if i actually had any fans, they couldn't complain. it's a lot of content.
i've also closed the door to the other room, which has the effect of both eliminating the air conditioning from my main living space and turning it on in the recording studio. that may actually turn out relatively well, in both ways. but, i haven't really tested it yet.
the tracklisting was finalized and uploaded on the morning of the 31st. i was hoping to get the bureaucracy done yesterday, but it was just a wash. i should get it done by the time i fall asleep, today.
i should get a call from the doctor's today. i'm going to avoid checking email until tomorrow.
if i actually had any fans, they couldn't complain. it's a lot of content.
i've also closed the door to the other room, which has the effect of both eliminating the air conditioning from my main living space and turning it on in the recording studio. that may actually turn out relatively well, in both ways. but, i haven't really tested it yet.
the tracklisting was finalized and uploaded on the morning of the 31st. i was hoping to get the bureaucracy done yesterday, but it was just a wash. i should get it done by the time i fall asleep, today.
i should get a call from the doctor's today. i'm going to avoid checking email until tomorrow.
Monday, August 1, 2016
Sunday, July 31, 2016
i wasn't able to get a straight answer out of anybody at the radiology
department regarding why the second mri was requested, so i've cancelled
it. i was specific: do you think you might see a tumour? do you think
you might see a lesion? all i could get was "the doctor is requesting a
second mri". an appeal to authority is simply not convincing to me.
i have verified at least that the information was sent to the referring doctor, so i will call them on tuesday for further exploration of the issue.
while it is possible that the radiologist was just incompetent with his notes - that he has a good reason that he didn't specify because he's lazy - my reading of the situation is that he's just looking for a way to bill me twice, and that that's actually probably a good sign because it probably at least rules out the tumour.
as mentioned previously, i'm leaning more towards lyme disease at this point. but, i'm going to need to see the scans myself....
i have verified at least that the information was sent to the referring doctor, so i will call them on tuesday for further exploration of the issue.
while it is possible that the radiologist was just incompetent with his notes - that he has a good reason that he didn't specify because he's lazy - my reading of the situation is that he's just looking for a way to bill me twice, and that that's actually probably a good sign because it probably at least rules out the tumour.
as mentioned previously, i'm leaning more towards lyme disease at this point. but, i'm going to need to see the scans myself....
ok, i just woke up. i had checked my inbox, half asleep, during a mid-morning urination awakening and they want to inject me with some isotope of something...?
what it does is make the tumor or lesion more visible in the scan. that seems to indicate that there is a tumor or lesion. but, i need to know what it is, first, before i make any decisions. injecting me with some kind of metal seems kind of reckless, unless it's a mitigating factor. harm reduction. i'm not there yet.
are they lesions? if so, i'd rather get a blood test for lyme disease. and, i mean, there's not really any treatment for ms, anyways. i'll just take the diagnosis to my nearest odsp office and otherwise forget about it. no, really. so, i have ms. what does injecting me with a heavy metal for an mri accomplish? but, what if i only have lyme disease? there's safer ways to determine this.
do they think they found a tumour? how aggressive do they think it is? this is the one situation where i may consent to this...
....but i also need to see the existing scans first. apparently, it was the radiologist that requested the second scan. who is what? a technician?
"oh, i'm not a doctor."
two things i'm worried about.
1) all industry exists for the purpose of maximizing profit. even in canada, people get paid. and, what that actually means is that we have a lot of unnecessary procedures done because somebody gets paid. on first glance, too much health care might seem better than not enough. but, this is one of those circumstances where too much may be worse. i'm not ruling the procedure out on principle, i just want to make sure that we've gone through the safer - less expensive - options first.
2) i talk a lot of shit in a lot of places. i keep pointing out that i'm harmless, but i'm not sure i'm winning that argument. would somebody go out of their way to get rid of me? it's not impossible. it *is* outrageous. it *is* ridiculous. but, the world we live in is outrageous and ridiculous. i just need to be a little bit more careful than the average bear, i think.
so, i'm going to go call them back and tentatively cancel the appointment. i need to have them articulate exactly what they're looking for, and confirm that they've actually sent the results to the doctor that referred me. i also want to know when i can see the scans, myself.
what it does is make the tumor or lesion more visible in the scan. that seems to indicate that there is a tumor or lesion. but, i need to know what it is, first, before i make any decisions. injecting me with some kind of metal seems kind of reckless, unless it's a mitigating factor. harm reduction. i'm not there yet.
are they lesions? if so, i'd rather get a blood test for lyme disease. and, i mean, there's not really any treatment for ms, anyways. i'll just take the diagnosis to my nearest odsp office and otherwise forget about it. no, really. so, i have ms. what does injecting me with a heavy metal for an mri accomplish? but, what if i only have lyme disease? there's safer ways to determine this.
do they think they found a tumour? how aggressive do they think it is? this is the one situation where i may consent to this...
....but i also need to see the existing scans first. apparently, it was the radiologist that requested the second scan. who is what? a technician?
"oh, i'm not a doctor."
two things i'm worried about.
1) all industry exists for the purpose of maximizing profit. even in canada, people get paid. and, what that actually means is that we have a lot of unnecessary procedures done because somebody gets paid. on first glance, too much health care might seem better than not enough. but, this is one of those circumstances where too much may be worse. i'm not ruling the procedure out on principle, i just want to make sure that we've gone through the safer - less expensive - options first.
2) i talk a lot of shit in a lot of places. i keep pointing out that i'm harmless, but i'm not sure i'm winning that argument. would somebody go out of their way to get rid of me? it's not impossible. it *is* outrageous. it *is* ridiculous. but, the world we live in is outrageous and ridiculous. i just need to be a little bit more careful than the average bear, i think.
so, i'm going to go call them back and tentatively cancel the appointment. i need to have them articulate exactly what they're looking for, and confirm that they've actually sent the results to the doctor that referred me. i also want to know when i can see the scans, myself.
i initially noticed facial tics around my left ear some time around ten years ago. i had an mri done but i didn't hear anything back and i forgot about it. it was kind of just a mild annoyance. at the time, i was thinking something more along the lines of heavy metal poisoning from living on a busy street with a lot of truck traffic (bronson avenue) than anything else.
the issue of the facial tics would come and go, but never really got out of hand as anything more than an annoyance until a little over a yea ago when i noticed i was having an extended period of difficulty swallowing (dysphagia) that has yet to really resolve itself. i initially brought this up with a nurse at the camh here, who did not take me seriously. i asked several times for an mri, and he kept telling me we'll talk about it later. it never happened.
the first few years i was here, i was struggling to find a doctor willing to prescribe me hormones. i was able to finally find a family doctor last fall that was willing to not just prescribe but also to increase my dosage, and that has had some positive effects. he has also finally taken my concerns about dysphagia seriously. while he suggested i should see a neurologist, i insisted on seeing an ear doctor to start and then graduating to a neurologist as the issue resolved or complicated itself.
the ear doctor initially did not take me seriously, either. however, i pushed for a hearing test - which discovered some loss in the affected ear. she still refused to take the situation seriously, suggested that the test was just error and insisted that i take it again. i instead pushed for an mri - which i had on monday.
i felt the mri would be the best idea because it could determine three things:
1) is my jaw crooked? in 2006, i fell of my bike and landed terribly on my face. the tic and resulting dysphagia could be the result of a skeletal abnormality, which could either be broken back in place or just dealt with. it would be useful to know, one way or the other.
2) do i have brain lesions? if i do, are those lesions more consistent with something like ms or more indicative of something like lyme disease?
3) is there maybe a tumor in there? i'm considering this possibility to be extremely remote due to how long i've had the issue for. one does not have a malignant tumor in their head for over ten years. i'd be dead by now.
i just checked my email and realized that somebody called me on the saturday of the long weekend to book a second mri. while i will not know the reasons for this request until i call back, i'm considering this to be somewhat ominous. it is possible that there was some error and they need to redo it, but i would think that a request for a second mri indicates that they found something that shouldn't be there. is it a lesion or a tumor?
i think they open at 6:00 am.
the issue of the facial tics would come and go, but never really got out of hand as anything more than an annoyance until a little over a yea ago when i noticed i was having an extended period of difficulty swallowing (dysphagia) that has yet to really resolve itself. i initially brought this up with a nurse at the camh here, who did not take me seriously. i asked several times for an mri, and he kept telling me we'll talk about it later. it never happened.
the first few years i was here, i was struggling to find a doctor willing to prescribe me hormones. i was able to finally find a family doctor last fall that was willing to not just prescribe but also to increase my dosage, and that has had some positive effects. he has also finally taken my concerns about dysphagia seriously. while he suggested i should see a neurologist, i insisted on seeing an ear doctor to start and then graduating to a neurologist as the issue resolved or complicated itself.
the ear doctor initially did not take me seriously, either. however, i pushed for a hearing test - which discovered some loss in the affected ear. she still refused to take the situation seriously, suggested that the test was just error and insisted that i take it again. i instead pushed for an mri - which i had on monday.
i felt the mri would be the best idea because it could determine three things:
1) is my jaw crooked? in 2006, i fell of my bike and landed terribly on my face. the tic and resulting dysphagia could be the result of a skeletal abnormality, which could either be broken back in place or just dealt with. it would be useful to know, one way or the other.
2) do i have brain lesions? if i do, are those lesions more consistent with something like ms or more indicative of something like lyme disease?
3) is there maybe a tumor in there? i'm considering this possibility to be extremely remote due to how long i've had the issue for. one does not have a malignant tumor in their head for over ten years. i'd be dead by now.
i just checked my email and realized that somebody called me on the saturday of the long weekend to book a second mri. while i will not know the reasons for this request until i call back, i'm considering this to be somewhat ominous. it is possible that there was some error and they need to redo it, but i would think that a request for a second mri indicates that they found something that shouldn't be there. is it a lesion or a tumor?
i think they open at 6:00 am.
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