Wednesday, April 27, 2016
the furnace is leaking again...
while i think it needs to be caulked down here, i do suspect that something is loose upstairs.
i've found myself very sleepy this week due to a variety of things,
including going cold turkey on coffee for a bit. i want to get my fluids
up before i go back on it. it's working, too. see, i have a problem
with not drinking enough water. i think it will resolve itself once i
can turn the heat off in here (this has been a slow spring, here).
so, it took me a week to do a day's worth of spring cleaning. but it is now actually done. finally. i'll have to do laundry this afternoon, and then some filing tomorrow.
so, will i have anything up by the end of the month? no. but, i should be back on track by the start of may.
i've managed to just lose a whole year. it sucks. but, it's the way it had to be.
so, it took me a week to do a day's worth of spring cleaning. but it is now actually done. finally. i'll have to do laundry this afternoon, and then some filing tomorrow.
so, will i have anything up by the end of the month? no. but, i should be back on track by the start of may.
i've managed to just lose a whole year. it sucks. but, it's the way it had to be.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
stumbling back and forth, zombie-like, to the imperial death march
4/20 is always a special day, and it's always nice to have a good show to get to when it rolls around. i was a little tired on this 4/20 due to my schedule cycling me around to an evening sleep. i nearly missed the show...
--
it was doors at 8:00 pm and i was in line no later than 8:15. but, somehow, the first band started playing at 8:30. you can imagine that this upset quite a few people, many of whom were there explicitly to see melt banana, who are not your average opening act...
i'll acknowledge that i could have been there earlier if i hadn't been trying to sneak a few hours of sleep in. but, the venue really put itself in an incredibly stupid position by refusing to post set times and then starting the show early. if it's doors at 8:00, one expects the show to start after 9:00. how late after 9:00 is anybody's guess, but after 9:00 is taken for granted. if you're going to start the show early, you should post set times. otherwise, how is anybody supposed to know it's an early show? and, of course, people did ask - they always do. the general refusal by bars to post set times is a well understood, if somewhat recent, nefarious ploy to sell a handful of extra beers. but, even in that context, it makes no sense to start the band a half hour after doors. if you were trying to sell beer, and you'd thought it through, you'd have opened the doors at 6:00 and let people listen to sound check. so, if you were to level accusations of incompetence at the new owners of the majestic theatre complex, as many did, you'd be absolutely right. people were understandably livid.
personally? i wouldn't quite go so far as to suggest that i was there solely to see melt banana. i will say that if it was only melt banana & napalm death, i probably wouldn't have went - or at least not for the door price. and, i was in fact expecting a short set from melt banana, because they were opening. to me, the deciding factor was the melvins. i was there explicitly to see melt banana, but it was the chance to see the melvins play a lengthy set in a nice theatre that allowed me to rationalize the door price. i don't care at all about napalm death.
i didn't get in until around 8:40, and nearly turned around and walked out when i realized it wasn't sound check. see, i hadn't paid yet. but, it was 4/20 and the melvins were going to be on in less than an hour...
if you do the math, it means i missed a little less than half the set. they seem to have focused mostly on their new record, which is fine with me - that's really the extent of my interest in them. i mean, it's a quantum leap forwards from their previous work. you can imagine that i wish i got to see them play longer, but the truth is that i missed the first two songs. unfortunately, there were only five songs. but, it's nonetheless hard to get a good feel for what was played, besides noting that they performed as a two piece with a drum machine.
here is a full set:
--
i was able to take a walk between sets and find the thing everybody seeks on this calendar date. i don't have any exciting stories, though. the areas around the venue were overcrowded and full of metalheads, which is a group i tend to have little in common with. frankly, i'm always awkward at metal shows. i mean, this wasn't really a "metal show" in any strict sense - all three of these bands are really punk bands. it's just that the audience felt like a metal audience. it's actually kind of weird, really. overheard conversations had to do with things like black sabbath, wrestling, cars - there's just not any common ground, there, or much that i could knowledgeably butt into, if i'd even really want to, in between accusatory "fag" glances. i don't want to exaggerate; i wouldn't have gone to a pantera show or something, and it wasn't at all like that. napalm death are known for their left of center politics, and i'm sure at least part of the audience realized it. i'm just saying that these weren't people i'd hang out with, or that would want to hang out with me, either. they were quiet, uneventful smokes.
--
the melvins are a band that one would probably expect me to be more familiar with than i am. standing in 2016 and looking back, they've inarguably become one of the most important bands of their generation. it may have been hard to predict it at the time, but it is pretty obvious today that they are really the pre-eminent seattle band, if for no other reason than their continuity and longevity. they didn't just create the sound, they hung to it when nobody else did and kept evolving it when everybody else had moved on.
that said, in my own life, the melvins are a band that is more important as a proof of concept than as something to be actually listened to. for all their worth as seminal icons over what is now three generations of musicians, they've always struck me as sort of boneheaded. it's fun for an hour, here and there, sure. but, it's just never been the kind of thing i'm going to listen to by myself on repeat in much of any context - and trust me when i say i've given it more than a few chances, over what is now more than 20 years.
yet, they were my justification for going. and, when i realized i'd already missed half of melt banana, i still paid to get in to see them. what's going on here?
well, the truth is that they're almost universal, in a certain way. i said this already - they may be a little too boneheaded for my tastes, and so they're never going to work their way into my mp3 player, but you can't get much better than the melvins if you're looking to get your head caved in on 4/20!
in truth, i actually think i experienced the show in it's optimal context, for the following precise reasons:
1) i was not at all familiar with any of the material in any really meaningful sense, meaning it was coming at me totally fresh.
2) i have the musical knowledge to completely understand the music - including the syncopation - as it is coming at me in real time.
3) i was baked.
now, i know that (2) does not apply to everybody. but, i have to say that i was impressed by dale crover - and really wasn't expecting to be. it wasn't just raw talent, it was more about creative flow. he was just flying. i'm not sure if that's something that's developed over time or not, but i have to say that i don't remember hearing the melvins in quite that context at any time in the past. i may even have to check out some new material. maybe i'll finally get over it on the 37th try?
i also have to say that i was impressed by the flow of the set on the guitar side, which ran through about a half an hour of slow grind before opening up to the high end of the neck for most of the second half of the set. when you structure the set like that, it gives your ears an ability to adjust to the bottom, which exaggerates the effects of the highs opening up. i remember thinking that it almost seemed studious. almost.
there were a few points where i considered taking footage, but the reality is that i just didn't know where the songs were starting and stopping. and, i was kind of enjoying the cave.
so, the melvins remain the melvins. and, they picked the best day of the year to play detroit.
--
now, speaking of that, i need to react a little to buzz' claim that we're all a bunch of fascists for toking on 4/20, as though it's all about celebrating the life of hitler. as jesting as it may have been, i took napalm death's subsequent cover of nazi punks fuck off a little more seriously. is 4/20 really about hitler?
that's ridiculous, frankly. i don't really have any strong understanding of the origins of the day, but it's one of those things that doesn't really matter anymore, anyways. now, we can have this argument, right. people will say the original meaning is more important. then, they'll start dancing in the forest on christmas and sacrificing goats on easter, right?
4/20 is marijuana legalization day. that is, it's the day that people smoke in public in order to challenge the prohibition against it. where i grew up, in ottawa, this takes the form of a yearly ritual on parliament hill, where thousands of people smoke up outside the parliament. similar things happen all over the continent. and, nobody seig heils anybody or gasses any jews (well, maybe the odd hot box...) or invades poland or anything like that at all. it's just about pot legalization.
and, frankly buzz? i don't really appreciate being called a nazi. i dug the cover and everything, but i didn't really need the insinuation.
--
the melvins were done around 10:30, so i decided i'd might as well stay for napalm death. i was absolutely prepared to leave before they came on, though, if it came to it.
i have to admit that i found the band amusing - i will not deny being entertained. it's the genre. there's not much you can do within it that's going to strike me as less than absurd - the best you can do is be ironic about it: take the absurdity on, and revel in it sort of thing. that way, when i break out laughing - and i will - i don't have to be self-conscious about feeling smug about it. i mean, i don't take pleasure in laughing at headliners. but, my lol on this night was genuine. given that these guys are middle aged now, it was even more cartoonish than expected.
i tend to get the impression that they take themselves more seriously than a white zombie, or a butthole surfers or even a ministry - bands that are not as extreme as napalm death but that i think present the right attitude to approach grindcore with (or how about melt banana, for that matter?). or even the dks. as it is, the lack of irony quickly gets oppressive. now, i happen to know that napalm death are not saying anything that's going to piss me off, but i'd have a hard time figuring that out in real time. even so, i'm still the type to be more amused than anything else - so long as i'm feeling comfortable enough in my own safety to maintain that ironic distance. i'd rather laugh with you than at you. it's too claustrophobic to actually get lost in.
i'll admit that it was a little tiring by the end of it. i mean, there's a reason bands of this type play half hour sets. you just can't drag this out the way a more methodical act like the melvins can. their fans are free to disagree, but i think they'd be more effective with a half-hour set. melvins, on the other hand, could sludge it out for three hours and maintain engagement.
but, don't take what i say seriously. this may not be a great distance from my sphere of interest, but it is definitely not within it. and, as constructive as my criticism may be, it remains of little actual value. the violinist knows little of football.
and, here is the vlog for the day:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/04/20.html
--
it was doors at 8:00 pm and i was in line no later than 8:15. but, somehow, the first band started playing at 8:30. you can imagine that this upset quite a few people, many of whom were there explicitly to see melt banana, who are not your average opening act...
i'll acknowledge that i could have been there earlier if i hadn't been trying to sneak a few hours of sleep in. but, the venue really put itself in an incredibly stupid position by refusing to post set times and then starting the show early. if it's doors at 8:00, one expects the show to start after 9:00. how late after 9:00 is anybody's guess, but after 9:00 is taken for granted. if you're going to start the show early, you should post set times. otherwise, how is anybody supposed to know it's an early show? and, of course, people did ask - they always do. the general refusal by bars to post set times is a well understood, if somewhat recent, nefarious ploy to sell a handful of extra beers. but, even in that context, it makes no sense to start the band a half hour after doors. if you were trying to sell beer, and you'd thought it through, you'd have opened the doors at 6:00 and let people listen to sound check. so, if you were to level accusations of incompetence at the new owners of the majestic theatre complex, as many did, you'd be absolutely right. people were understandably livid.
personally? i wouldn't quite go so far as to suggest that i was there solely to see melt banana. i will say that if it was only melt banana & napalm death, i probably wouldn't have went - or at least not for the door price. and, i was in fact expecting a short set from melt banana, because they were opening. to me, the deciding factor was the melvins. i was there explicitly to see melt banana, but it was the chance to see the melvins play a lengthy set in a nice theatre that allowed me to rationalize the door price. i don't care at all about napalm death.
i didn't get in until around 8:40, and nearly turned around and walked out when i realized it wasn't sound check. see, i hadn't paid yet. but, it was 4/20 and the melvins were going to be on in less than an hour...
if you do the math, it means i missed a little less than half the set. they seem to have focused mostly on their new record, which is fine with me - that's really the extent of my interest in them. i mean, it's a quantum leap forwards from their previous work. you can imagine that i wish i got to see them play longer, but the truth is that i missed the first two songs. unfortunately, there were only five songs. but, it's nonetheless hard to get a good feel for what was played, besides noting that they performed as a two piece with a drum machine.
here is a full set:
i was able to take a walk between sets and find the thing everybody seeks on this calendar date. i don't have any exciting stories, though. the areas around the venue were overcrowded and full of metalheads, which is a group i tend to have little in common with. frankly, i'm always awkward at metal shows. i mean, this wasn't really a "metal show" in any strict sense - all three of these bands are really punk bands. it's just that the audience felt like a metal audience. it's actually kind of weird, really. overheard conversations had to do with things like black sabbath, wrestling, cars - there's just not any common ground, there, or much that i could knowledgeably butt into, if i'd even really want to, in between accusatory "fag" glances. i don't want to exaggerate; i wouldn't have gone to a pantera show or something, and it wasn't at all like that. napalm death are known for their left of center politics, and i'm sure at least part of the audience realized it. i'm just saying that these weren't people i'd hang out with, or that would want to hang out with me, either. they were quiet, uneventful smokes.
--
the melvins are a band that one would probably expect me to be more familiar with than i am. standing in 2016 and looking back, they've inarguably become one of the most important bands of their generation. it may have been hard to predict it at the time, but it is pretty obvious today that they are really the pre-eminent seattle band, if for no other reason than their continuity and longevity. they didn't just create the sound, they hung to it when nobody else did and kept evolving it when everybody else had moved on.
that said, in my own life, the melvins are a band that is more important as a proof of concept than as something to be actually listened to. for all their worth as seminal icons over what is now three generations of musicians, they've always struck me as sort of boneheaded. it's fun for an hour, here and there, sure. but, it's just never been the kind of thing i'm going to listen to by myself on repeat in much of any context - and trust me when i say i've given it more than a few chances, over what is now more than 20 years.
yet, they were my justification for going. and, when i realized i'd already missed half of melt banana, i still paid to get in to see them. what's going on here?
well, the truth is that they're almost universal, in a certain way. i said this already - they may be a little too boneheaded for my tastes, and so they're never going to work their way into my mp3 player, but you can't get much better than the melvins if you're looking to get your head caved in on 4/20!
in truth, i actually think i experienced the show in it's optimal context, for the following precise reasons:
1) i was not at all familiar with any of the material in any really meaningful sense, meaning it was coming at me totally fresh.
2) i have the musical knowledge to completely understand the music - including the syncopation - as it is coming at me in real time.
3) i was baked.
now, i know that (2) does not apply to everybody. but, i have to say that i was impressed by dale crover - and really wasn't expecting to be. it wasn't just raw talent, it was more about creative flow. he was just flying. i'm not sure if that's something that's developed over time or not, but i have to say that i don't remember hearing the melvins in quite that context at any time in the past. i may even have to check out some new material. maybe i'll finally get over it on the 37th try?
i also have to say that i was impressed by the flow of the set on the guitar side, which ran through about a half an hour of slow grind before opening up to the high end of the neck for most of the second half of the set. when you structure the set like that, it gives your ears an ability to adjust to the bottom, which exaggerates the effects of the highs opening up. i remember thinking that it almost seemed studious. almost.
there were a few points where i considered taking footage, but the reality is that i just didn't know where the songs were starting and stopping. and, i was kind of enjoying the cave.
so, the melvins remain the melvins. and, they picked the best day of the year to play detroit.
--
now, speaking of that, i need to react a little to buzz' claim that we're all a bunch of fascists for toking on 4/20, as though it's all about celebrating the life of hitler. as jesting as it may have been, i took napalm death's subsequent cover of nazi punks fuck off a little more seriously. is 4/20 really about hitler?
that's ridiculous, frankly. i don't really have any strong understanding of the origins of the day, but it's one of those things that doesn't really matter anymore, anyways. now, we can have this argument, right. people will say the original meaning is more important. then, they'll start dancing in the forest on christmas and sacrificing goats on easter, right?
4/20 is marijuana legalization day. that is, it's the day that people smoke in public in order to challenge the prohibition against it. where i grew up, in ottawa, this takes the form of a yearly ritual on parliament hill, where thousands of people smoke up outside the parliament. similar things happen all over the continent. and, nobody seig heils anybody or gasses any jews (well, maybe the odd hot box...) or invades poland or anything like that at all. it's just about pot legalization.
and, frankly buzz? i don't really appreciate being called a nazi. i dug the cover and everything, but i didn't really need the insinuation.
--
the melvins were done around 10:30, so i decided i'd might as well stay for napalm death. i was absolutely prepared to leave before they came on, though, if it came to it.
i have to admit that i found the band amusing - i will not deny being entertained. it's the genre. there's not much you can do within it that's going to strike me as less than absurd - the best you can do is be ironic about it: take the absurdity on, and revel in it sort of thing. that way, when i break out laughing - and i will - i don't have to be self-conscious about feeling smug about it. i mean, i don't take pleasure in laughing at headliners. but, my lol on this night was genuine. given that these guys are middle aged now, it was even more cartoonish than expected.
i tend to get the impression that they take themselves more seriously than a white zombie, or a butthole surfers or even a ministry - bands that are not as extreme as napalm death but that i think present the right attitude to approach grindcore with (or how about melt banana, for that matter?). or even the dks. as it is, the lack of irony quickly gets oppressive. now, i happen to know that napalm death are not saying anything that's going to piss me off, but i'd have a hard time figuring that out in real time. even so, i'm still the type to be more amused than anything else - so long as i'm feeling comfortable enough in my own safety to maintain that ironic distance. i'd rather laugh with you than at you. it's too claustrophobic to actually get lost in.
i'll admit that it was a little tiring by the end of it. i mean, there's a reason bands of this type play half hour sets. you just can't drag this out the way a more methodical act like the melvins can. their fans are free to disagree, but i think they'd be more effective with a half-hour set. melvins, on the other hand, could sludge it out for three hours and maintain engagement.
but, don't take what i say seriously. this may not be a great distance from my sphere of interest, but it is definitely not within it. and, as constructive as my criticism may be, it remains of little actual value. the violinist knows little of football.
and, here is the vlog for the day:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/04/20.html
Thursday, April 21, 2016
20-04-2016: 4/20 in detroit (imperial death march: melt banana, melvins, napalm death)
concert footage:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rYXwTfmJiI
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/04/20.html
previous vlog:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZhDGD6OoJI
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rYXwTfmJiI
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/04/20.html
previous vlog:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZhDGD6OoJI
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
spring bug update
i've caught two in the last twelve hours (one around midnight, the
other around 8:00 am) near the front door, which is a little different.
essentially every roach i've ever seen in here has been near the
plumbing on the far side - in the kitchen usually, or maybe in the
bathroom or sometimes in the closet in the bedroom. but always clearly
near the plumbing as a water source. so, to see two of them come in from
the other side like this is a little different.
so, i did some liberal spraying along each of the four doorways around the two entrances. i suppose we'll find out how many get trapped in it over the next few days. but, it seems to suggest there's been a population increase in the back area. it's generally stated that seeing roaches in the day is a bad sign.
i haven't seen any on the plumbing side yet this year, but i will be doing spring cleaning over the weekend - which means spraying behind the appliances and replacing the steel wool.
the headaches have subsided. and i want to be clear that i wasn't trying to be accusatory. i was just trying to figure out if the unit was sprayed when i wasn't here, as that struck me as a likely explanation for what was happening. pure intuition. and, obviously, i would like to be informed when the unit is going to be sprayed, if the unit is going to be sprayed. but i wouldn't have raised the issue if i wasn't getting dramatic symptoms coming from the air - not just headaches, actually, but visual hallucinations (tracers) and at one point an inability to speak. i mean, i spent a day in the hospital. they told me i had a migraine, and maybe that was it, but it kind of seems like i was poisoned. again: i'm not making accusations, exactly, i'm more just contemplating possibilities. however, because i've sprayed down here this morning, i've now contaminated myself regarding any testing. i wouldn't have sprayed if i didn't think it was gone, anyways. at the very least, realize this: if there was spraying down here this month, i got some pretty nasty side effects from it. so, that shouldn't happen again without telling me what's happening so i can adjust...
so, i did some liberal spraying along each of the four doorways around the two entrances. i suppose we'll find out how many get trapped in it over the next few days. but, it seems to suggest there's been a population increase in the back area. it's generally stated that seeing roaches in the day is a bad sign.
i haven't seen any on the plumbing side yet this year, but i will be doing spring cleaning over the weekend - which means spraying behind the appliances and replacing the steel wool.
the headaches have subsided. and i want to be clear that i wasn't trying to be accusatory. i was just trying to figure out if the unit was sprayed when i wasn't here, as that struck me as a likely explanation for what was happening. pure intuition. and, obviously, i would like to be informed when the unit is going to be sprayed, if the unit is going to be sprayed. but i wouldn't have raised the issue if i wasn't getting dramatic symptoms coming from the air - not just headaches, actually, but visual hallucinations (tracers) and at one point an inability to speak. i mean, i spent a day in the hospital. they told me i had a migraine, and maybe that was it, but it kind of seems like i was poisoned. again: i'm not making accusations, exactly, i'm more just contemplating possibilities. however, because i've sprayed down here this morning, i've now contaminated myself regarding any testing. i wouldn't have sprayed if i didn't think it was gone, anyways. at the very least, realize this: if there was spraying down here this month, i got some pretty nasty side effects from it. so, that shouldn't happen again without telling me what's happening so i can adjust...
i am now moving this laptop back into the bedroom, and getting ready to turn the pc back on. the last thing i have to do on the laptop is clean this page up, but it won't make sense to do that right away - i'll have to do it as i'm rebuilding the alter-reality (and the period disc) from 1996 on. and, in order to get there, i still have to sort through some things, to make sure i've found everything i can.
i don't know if there are still usenet or mailing list archives for me to access online, but it's secondary to finding what i can in squirelled away pst files first, anyways. iirc, it was about mid-1997 that i started rambling on the internet. the alter-reality starts in the summer of 1996, and will consequently kick back in around july. but, then i've got a year before i need to worry about it. and, i consequently may put it off for a little while, depending on how fast i find things.
i'm hitting a strange show tonight (melt banana / melvins...and i'll probably stay for napalm death, too, depending on set times), because it's 4/20. but, i think i should get through most of this scavenging by the end of the day, too. and, then i can get back to finishing what i started doing back in december.
almost there. seriously.
and what do i have to show for it? well, i've pulled down over a gb of text from the internet. 1.2 gb. of text. stored in word documents. i jest you not, this is the truth. message boards. youtube. email. facebook. it's 1.2 gb of text. since 2011. and understand this: i have many times more than this from before 2011. so, when i claim that i'm building an alter-reality with a lot of writing....
it'll be really obvious what i'm doing as soon as i start doing it. and i'm just about there.
and, did i mention that i quit smoking, too? that was really important. and, frankly, this was a pretty productive way to do that. time is a strange intangible and everything. i'd prefer it if we weren't stuck running out of it. and, i may be lucky enough to catch the cut-off point after all. i'm beginning to think i was too pessimistic. but, i don't regret this. and, if i can catch immortality after all, then i'm just setting myself up for it. hey, that cut-off point is coming soon, whether i catch it or not.
i don't know if there are still usenet or mailing list archives for me to access online, but it's secondary to finding what i can in squirelled away pst files first, anyways. iirc, it was about mid-1997 that i started rambling on the internet. the alter-reality starts in the summer of 1996, and will consequently kick back in around july. but, then i've got a year before i need to worry about it. and, i consequently may put it off for a little while, depending on how fast i find things.
i'm hitting a strange show tonight (melt banana / melvins...and i'll probably stay for napalm death, too, depending on set times), because it's 4/20. but, i think i should get through most of this scavenging by the end of the day, too. and, then i can get back to finishing what i started doing back in december.
almost there. seriously.
and what do i have to show for it? well, i've pulled down over a gb of text from the internet. 1.2 gb. of text. stored in word documents. i jest you not, this is the truth. message boards. youtube. email. facebook. it's 1.2 gb of text. since 2011. and understand this: i have many times more than this from before 2011. so, when i claim that i'm building an alter-reality with a lot of writing....
it'll be really obvious what i'm doing as soon as i start doing it. and i'm just about there.
and, did i mention that i quit smoking, too? that was really important. and, frankly, this was a pretty productive way to do that. time is a strange intangible and everything. i'd prefer it if we weren't stuck running out of it. and, i may be lucky enough to catch the cut-off point after all. i'm beginning to think i was too pessimistic. but, i don't regret this. and, if i can catch immortality after all, then i'm just setting myself up for it. hey, that cut-off point is coming soon, whether i catch it or not.
Monday, April 18, 2016
fw: from the past
this is basically a fake email address. i'm still using the death.to.koalas address.
i'm clearing out some old email. communications with my dad. school stuff. losing my mind on hormones...
this is a direct forward, catch me after the jump.
======
i'm going to fade away now for a bit...
Jason Parent <death.to.koalas@gmail.com> 11 August 2010 at 04:57
To: Sarah
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Delete | Show original
....i still want that add and you know not getting it is weirding me out..
...but i'm getting the point, silent and clear.
it's a shame, really. ten years. multiple shared apartments. jams. discussions. arguments. trips. concerts. love. hate. just about everything in between.
i think there's a fundamental disconnect going on right now between the way that we see each other. i would introduce you to a room as follows: "this is my friend, sarah.". you would introduce me to a room as follows: "this is my crazy ex-boyfriend, j.".
friend.
ex-lover.
i've had a persistent fear over the last five years that i was going to eventually lose you forever, and when i say that i mean lose *you*, a friend, a person that's very important to me. in a fit of insanity, i think i may have actually managed to accomplish this...
.....and that my only hope of not losing you forever is to back off and wait until you decide to call, if you ever decide to call ever again.
i'll get over it, i just wish i didn't have to.
you're probably actually relieved to hear me say this, and that actually makes me a little bit sad.
======
that was right before i started to lose it - a little after i told you i was going back on hormones. and i think it's clear that i realized what was about to happen, right? that i knew you were going to react poorly. and that i knew i was going to break apart into little pieces.
but, even at this point i think the fundamental disconnect is clear:
i would introduce you to a room as follows: "this is my friend, sarah.". you would introduce me to a room as follows: "this is my crazy ex-boyfriend, j.".
is that not spot on accurate? but, see this is the crux of the situation that i was never able to give up hope on: if you would have been able to merely see me as a friend, as i was able to see you, then there wouldn't have been a crisis. i did not think this should be so difficult. and, frankly, i did not initially realize that you retained latent feelings. you have two children, after all. i thought you were completely over me.
i'm not going to pretend that i can make sense of everything that i typed or did over the next few years. it's not that there wasn't logic to it; to the contrary, the logic was often very complex. it's that i was having difficulty determining what was real and what wasn't. so, trying to decipher what i had typed or did (in hindsight) relies on understanding some paranoid projection of something, which is not always obvious at this distant a date. i was convinced that there was some kind of a conspiracy to keep you away from me. but, see, all i wanted to get across was that my intentions were benign. i was convinced everything would right itself, if you would just know in your heart that all i truly wanted was to hang out twice a year. that is in itself as neurotic as anything else. but, perhaps, if you were completely over me...
i need you to understand that i was dealing with some advanced psychosis. maybe i still am. there were many complex factors. and, while it wasn't your responsibility to deal with it, and i do not fault you for my crazy behaviour, your perception was self-fulfilling. that is, in time, i *became* your crazy ex-boyfriend. it is true that what i wanted was to be your friend. but, the harder i tried, the more of a crazy ex i became. and there was no solution to this.
i can't deal with unsolvability...
today, i live on odsp in windsor, ontario. i moved here because the cost of living is a lot lower. i will likely remain on odsp for the rest of my life. but, i need to be clear: this is not rhetoric. i'm not just saying that i lost my mind, or that i had a mental breakdown, or that i was dealing with psychosis. i have been diagnosed with a mental illness. i live on disability as a consequence of it. i am not dangerous, but i am unpredictable. and, my behaviour over those years was a consequence of it - even if it's not entirely obvious to you when or how i was schizing out.
it is very unlikely that i will ever go back to ottawa.
i am a very patient person, as you know, but i do have limits. and, the empathy that i had for your distress over my transition has faded. i've actually developed a level of bitterness. i am probably holding you in higher regard than is fair to you, and reacting poorly to unrealized expectations that i have no actual business holding you to. but, it is what it is.
but, i never got the closure i wanted, either. we were friends for ten years; you just decided to ignore me one day. i thought i deserved some kind of explanation. i actually think i still do. i don't think that anything that happened after this day negates this.
i'm giving you the courtesy of providing an explanation for my own behaviour. this is of course very general, but i don't think either of us really want particularly granular details. but, i'm good at 'splaining. and i think i'm getting my points across clearly. if you'd like to reciprocate, i'd still appreciate that. otherwise, i wouldn't expect to hear from me again - these emails are in the process of being destroyed.
bandcamp:
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com
youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCinQSeEtF0vSN1XVhQGfwKA
j
i'm clearing out some old email. communications with my dad. school stuff. losing my mind on hormones...
this is a direct forward, catch me after the jump.
======
i'm going to fade away now for a bit...
Jason Parent <death.to.koalas@gmail.com> 11 August 2010 at 04:57
To: Sarah
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Delete | Show original
....i still want that add and you know not getting it is weirding me out..
...but i'm getting the point, silent and clear.
it's a shame, really. ten years. multiple shared apartments. jams. discussions. arguments. trips. concerts. love. hate. just about everything in between.
i think there's a fundamental disconnect going on right now between the way that we see each other. i would introduce you to a room as follows: "this is my friend, sarah.". you would introduce me to a room as follows: "this is my crazy ex-boyfriend, j.".
friend.
ex-lover.
i've had a persistent fear over the last five years that i was going to eventually lose you forever, and when i say that i mean lose *you*, a friend, a person that's very important to me. in a fit of insanity, i think i may have actually managed to accomplish this...
.....and that my only hope of not losing you forever is to back off and wait until you decide to call, if you ever decide to call ever again.
i'll get over it, i just wish i didn't have to.
you're probably actually relieved to hear me say this, and that actually makes me a little bit sad.
======
that was right before i started to lose it - a little after i told you i was going back on hormones. and i think it's clear that i realized what was about to happen, right? that i knew you were going to react poorly. and that i knew i was going to break apart into little pieces.
but, even at this point i think the fundamental disconnect is clear:
i would introduce you to a room as follows: "this is my friend, sarah.". you would introduce me to a room as follows: "this is my crazy ex-boyfriend, j.".
is that not spot on accurate? but, see this is the crux of the situation that i was never able to give up hope on: if you would have been able to merely see me as a friend, as i was able to see you, then there wouldn't have been a crisis. i did not think this should be so difficult. and, frankly, i did not initially realize that you retained latent feelings. you have two children, after all. i thought you were completely over me.
i'm not going to pretend that i can make sense of everything that i typed or did over the next few years. it's not that there wasn't logic to it; to the contrary, the logic was often very complex. it's that i was having difficulty determining what was real and what wasn't. so, trying to decipher what i had typed or did (in hindsight) relies on understanding some paranoid projection of something, which is not always obvious at this distant a date. i was convinced that there was some kind of a conspiracy to keep you away from me. but, see, all i wanted to get across was that my intentions were benign. i was convinced everything would right itself, if you would just know in your heart that all i truly wanted was to hang out twice a year. that is in itself as neurotic as anything else. but, perhaps, if you were completely over me...
i need you to understand that i was dealing with some advanced psychosis. maybe i still am. there were many complex factors. and, while it wasn't your responsibility to deal with it, and i do not fault you for my crazy behaviour, your perception was self-fulfilling. that is, in time, i *became* your crazy ex-boyfriend. it is true that what i wanted was to be your friend. but, the harder i tried, the more of a crazy ex i became. and there was no solution to this.
i can't deal with unsolvability...
today, i live on odsp in windsor, ontario. i moved here because the cost of living is a lot lower. i will likely remain on odsp for the rest of my life. but, i need to be clear: this is not rhetoric. i'm not just saying that i lost my mind, or that i had a mental breakdown, or that i was dealing with psychosis. i have been diagnosed with a mental illness. i live on disability as a consequence of it. i am not dangerous, but i am unpredictable. and, my behaviour over those years was a consequence of it - even if it's not entirely obvious to you when or how i was schizing out.
it is very unlikely that i will ever go back to ottawa.
i am a very patient person, as you know, but i do have limits. and, the empathy that i had for your distress over my transition has faded. i've actually developed a level of bitterness. i am probably holding you in higher regard than is fair to you, and reacting poorly to unrealized expectations that i have no actual business holding you to. but, it is what it is.
but, i never got the closure i wanted, either. we were friends for ten years; you just decided to ignore me one day. i thought i deserved some kind of explanation. i actually think i still do. i don't think that anything that happened after this day negates this.
i'm giving you the courtesy of providing an explanation for my own behaviour. this is of course very general, but i don't think either of us really want particularly granular details. but, i'm good at 'splaining. and i think i'm getting my points across clearly. if you'd like to reciprocate, i'd still appreciate that. otherwise, i wouldn't expect to hear from me again - these emails are in the process of being destroyed.
bandcamp:
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com
youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCinQSeEtF0vSN1XVhQGfwKA
j
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Saturday, April 16, 2016
need to know about spraying down here
jessica
hi.
i've been dealing with some pretty severe headaches for the last few weeks, and i'm kind of putting together a hypothesis. now, i think it goes without saying that the most important thing is everybody's health....
i went to a concert on the evening of monday the 4th. the first headache hit me on the afternoon of wednesday the 6th. i became aware of the bed bug concern on thursday the 7th. i was nursing one when you came down on the evening of the 8th. what i've noticed since then is that the headaches have something to do with the air quality in the basement, and that i'm going to need to air the basement out (probably tomorrow and monday). in the mean time, i have the fan running nonstop. i've tried to turn it off a few times, and the headache always comes on very strong. so, i'm pretty sure about cause and effect with something in the air in the basement.
now, who knows, right. it could be anything at all, really. but, i'm just having a hard time shaking the possibility that there may have been some spraying done in the basement when i was gone. i mean, it all adds up. while it's true that the basement is overdue for an airing out, and i could just be reacting to stale air. why did it just start to affect me a few weeks ago?
if there is something to the hypothesis, and i'm *still* reacting to the pesticide, there must have been an awful lot of pesticide sprayed down here. and, i think i ought to be concerned about long term effects, at this point, due to continued exposure.
either way, the reality is that i've had almost two weeks worth of migraines, now. i'm going to need to seek medical attention one way or the other. that's going to involve taking blood tests and other things - if i'm dealing with chemical exposure, i'm going to figure that out. so, if you can help me figure out of there was spraying down here, it's just saving me some time, really.
i've been thinking about it a long while and trying to get my head around it. how could anybody spray a unit and not tell the person?
that seems insane. so, i've been putting this email off, maybe to the detriment of my own health. but, i've clued in that there's a kind of child-like concept of punitive effects at play. i could imagine that he might have been afraid that he'd be "caught" with bed bugs, and so wanted to spray to make sure nobody found out.
and, then he couldn't tell me, of course. it sounds inconceivable. but, to a child, the possibility of not getting caught with bed bugs would outweigh everything else. or, at least that's the best i can make sense of it.
it's all horribly negligent and everything, but i'm really more concerned about my health, right now. if there was something sprayed down here, figuring out what it was will help me in determining what kind of exposure i've had, how much i've got in me, how to clear it out, etc. and, i'm going to get to the point through testing, eventually, anyways.
i trust you'd tell me, if you knew, because you're a responsible adult and everything. i'm more presenting arguments for you to throw at paul to get an honest response out of him. i really don't think i'd get one out of him, myself.
even if i can air the place out tomorrow and it works in eliminating the headaches, i think i need to know if i'm possibly reacting to something or not.
i need to be clear that i'm not exactly making any accusations. as mentioned, it could be anything. but, i can't shake the suspicion - and i'm consequently going to end up testing for it. if i can get some confirmation, it's just going to allow me to reduce exposure faster and reduce risk factors quicker.
the landlord
Jessica, I have asked repeatedly that My brother and niece catch one bug or bugs so that I could verify there are bed bugs. my niece started this scare originally with what she thought were bites on the back of her hand. That turned out to be Xema. She had recently visited her Doctor and was told she had XEMA on her hand and not bites. Up to this point they have not caught one bug to show me that Bed bugs are identified as a problem. At this point I am convinced there are no bed bugs at all. If there were bed bugs they would have multiplied and there would be evidence of many bugs and actual bites. I have not seen one bed bug to this day. I know you research things quite well and I have done my share of reading and researching! bed bugs spread and multiple quickly. I have not seen any evidence that there are bed bugs in my niece's place or any other place. ..... I was told that my niece's boyfriend, killed a bug crawling up the wall and which they determined it to be a bed bug. Still they did not keep it to identify it as a bed bug.. The other point I want to make is that the thought of bed bugs does make people panic and do not want to be associated with this problem. SO, people to panic and react without verifying. So please be empathetic to this reality.
SPRAYING. I do know that they did spray in my niece's place about a week ago which was about 1/4 to less of a spray can; my brother did the spraying, one time along the bed boards and baseboard in one room. This was isolated to their apartment only. I do not believe this product could have migrated to your apartment, since they followed the instructions to keep all their doors closed while this product settled. Please keep in mind each units ventilation system does not mix their air to the rest of the air in the building. All exhaust fans purge air outside the building. Please, also keep in mind anything is possible when door s open and close, but I would say that any migration of the product would have been minimal to the existing hallway and they did keep doors shut for the appropriate time. The other point that I must make is that I cannot stop any tenant from spraying in their apartment. I cannot even stop you from buying a can of spray and you spraying your apartment. All I can do is educate everyone to be mindful of any bug situations, think clearly of what they should or should not do and that they must contact me before they act. Additionally, I have been specific with my niece and my brother, there will be no further spraying in the building for bed bugs, since we have no proof of bed bugs. They must have my permission to spray anywhere in the common hallways and basement!!!!!. ....
jessica
yeah. and, i've done a little more research and it does turn out that the symptoms i was experiencing - aphasia (difficulty speaking) and auras - are actually common symptoms of severe migraines. the thing is they're *also* symptoms of pesticide poisoning. i mean, i initially thought i was having a stroke. there was a point where i couldn't speak. so....it's more like i wanted to rule it out.
consider this: i suppose you could imagine how a fumigation in here might have also created those symptoms. that's what i wanted to be sure hadn't happened.
i really don't have a history of migraines either, so it's not like i could say i was expecting something from a trigger. but lots of things cause migraines. it turns out the number one trigger is in fact environmental conditions. so maybe i just had a bad reaction to the stale air, after all.
i know it's a crazy thing, but thank you for determining whether there was spraying down here or not, just so i know what had happened.
in case you're curious, this describes the attack:
https://migraine.com/blog/migraine-symptoms-transient-aphasia/
it's maybe easier to see why poisoning is something that's in the distinct realm of possibility. and, so, given the circumstances...
hi.
i've been dealing with some pretty severe headaches for the last few weeks, and i'm kind of putting together a hypothesis. now, i think it goes without saying that the most important thing is everybody's health....
i went to a concert on the evening of monday the 4th. the first headache hit me on the afternoon of wednesday the 6th. i became aware of the bed bug concern on thursday the 7th. i was nursing one when you came down on the evening of the 8th. what i've noticed since then is that the headaches have something to do with the air quality in the basement, and that i'm going to need to air the basement out (probably tomorrow and monday). in the mean time, i have the fan running nonstop. i've tried to turn it off a few times, and the headache always comes on very strong. so, i'm pretty sure about cause and effect with something in the air in the basement.
now, who knows, right. it could be anything at all, really. but, i'm just having a hard time shaking the possibility that there may have been some spraying done in the basement when i was gone. i mean, it all adds up. while it's true that the basement is overdue for an airing out, and i could just be reacting to stale air. why did it just start to affect me a few weeks ago?
if there is something to the hypothesis, and i'm *still* reacting to the pesticide, there must have been an awful lot of pesticide sprayed down here. and, i think i ought to be concerned about long term effects, at this point, due to continued exposure.
either way, the reality is that i've had almost two weeks worth of migraines, now. i'm going to need to seek medical attention one way or the other. that's going to involve taking blood tests and other things - if i'm dealing with chemical exposure, i'm going to figure that out. so, if you can help me figure out of there was spraying down here, it's just saving me some time, really.
i've been thinking about it a long while and trying to get my head around it. how could anybody spray a unit and not tell the person?
that seems insane. so, i've been putting this email off, maybe to the detriment of my own health. but, i've clued in that there's a kind of child-like concept of punitive effects at play. i could imagine that he might have been afraid that he'd be "caught" with bed bugs, and so wanted to spray to make sure nobody found out.
and, then he couldn't tell me, of course. it sounds inconceivable. but, to a child, the possibility of not getting caught with bed bugs would outweigh everything else. or, at least that's the best i can make sense of it.
it's all horribly negligent and everything, but i'm really more concerned about my health, right now. if there was something sprayed down here, figuring out what it was will help me in determining what kind of exposure i've had, how much i've got in me, how to clear it out, etc. and, i'm going to get to the point through testing, eventually, anyways.
i trust you'd tell me, if you knew, because you're a responsible adult and everything. i'm more presenting arguments for you to throw at paul to get an honest response out of him. i really don't think i'd get one out of him, myself.
even if i can air the place out tomorrow and it works in eliminating the headaches, i think i need to know if i'm possibly reacting to something or not.
i need to be clear that i'm not exactly making any accusations. as mentioned, it could be anything. but, i can't shake the suspicion - and i'm consequently going to end up testing for it. if i can get some confirmation, it's just going to allow me to reduce exposure faster and reduce risk factors quicker.
the landlord
Jessica, I have asked repeatedly that My brother and niece catch one bug or bugs so that I could verify there are bed bugs. my niece started this scare originally with what she thought were bites on the back of her hand. That turned out to be Xema. She had recently visited her Doctor and was told she had XEMA on her hand and not bites. Up to this point they have not caught one bug to show me that Bed bugs are identified as a problem. At this point I am convinced there are no bed bugs at all. If there were bed bugs they would have multiplied and there would be evidence of many bugs and actual bites. I have not seen one bed bug to this day. I know you research things quite well and I have done my share of reading and researching! bed bugs spread and multiple quickly. I have not seen any evidence that there are bed bugs in my niece's place or any other place. ..... I was told that my niece's boyfriend, killed a bug crawling up the wall and which they determined it to be a bed bug. Still they did not keep it to identify it as a bed bug.. The other point I want to make is that the thought of bed bugs does make people panic and do not want to be associated with this problem. SO, people to panic and react without verifying. So please be empathetic to this reality.
SPRAYING. I do know that they did spray in my niece's place about a week ago which was about 1/4 to less of a spray can; my brother did the spraying, one time along the bed boards and baseboard in one room. This was isolated to their apartment only. I do not believe this product could have migrated to your apartment, since they followed the instructions to keep all their doors closed while this product settled. Please keep in mind each units ventilation system does not mix their air to the rest of the air in the building. All exhaust fans purge air outside the building. Please, also keep in mind anything is possible when door s open and close, but I would say that any migration of the product would have been minimal to the existing hallway and they did keep doors shut for the appropriate time. The other point that I must make is that I cannot stop any tenant from spraying in their apartment. I cannot even stop you from buying a can of spray and you spraying your apartment. All I can do is educate everyone to be mindful of any bug situations, think clearly of what they should or should not do and that they must contact me before they act. Additionally, I have been specific with my niece and my brother, there will be no further spraying in the building for bed bugs, since we have no proof of bed bugs. They must have my permission to spray anywhere in the common hallways and basement!!!!!. ....
jessica
yeah. and, i've done a little more research and it does turn out that the symptoms i was experiencing - aphasia (difficulty speaking) and auras - are actually common symptoms of severe migraines. the thing is they're *also* symptoms of pesticide poisoning. i mean, i initially thought i was having a stroke. there was a point where i couldn't speak. so....it's more like i wanted to rule it out.
consider this: i suppose you could imagine how a fumigation in here might have also created those symptoms. that's what i wanted to be sure hadn't happened.
i really don't have a history of migraines either, so it's not like i could say i was expecting something from a trigger. but lots of things cause migraines. it turns out the number one trigger is in fact environmental conditions. so maybe i just had a bad reaction to the stale air, after all.
i know it's a crazy thing, but thank you for determining whether there was spraying down here or not, just so i know what had happened.
in case you're curious, this describes the attack:
https://migraine.com/blog/migraine-symptoms-transient-aphasia/
it's maybe easier to see why poisoning is something that's in the distinct realm of possibility. and, so, given the circumstances...
Friday, April 15, 2016
i should be back on track by monday at the latest.
but i need to answer a question: am i going to be doing anything new?
i've been clear for years that the answer is no. & absolutely not.
i'm 35 years old, now. when i started this phase of archival and completion, i was 33. i'm past my creative period. ask yourself this question: can you think of a single interesting record made by a 30 year-old?
but i've also grown up. and i'm past the age where i want to be making music, too. my contemporary interests are in politics and political philosophy. i will be spending the rest of my life writing.
but, i do not want to leave these ideas unfinished, either. so, i am focusing on completing unfinished works. and, then i am going to be doing something else with the rest of my life.
but i need to answer a question: am i going to be doing anything new?
i've been clear for years that the answer is no. & absolutely not.
i'm 35 years old, now. when i started this phase of archival and completion, i was 33. i'm past my creative period. ask yourself this question: can you think of a single interesting record made by a 30 year-old?
but i've also grown up. and i'm past the age where i want to be making music, too. my contemporary interests are in politics and political philosophy. i will be spending the rest of my life writing.
but, i do not want to leave these ideas unfinished, either. so, i am focusing on completing unfinished works. and, then i am going to be doing something else with the rest of my life.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
i don't actually know what i swallowed, but i was wide awake all night after son lux
generally, the shorter the review, the better the show was. son lux are probably the most important band in existence right now, so to say they are a known entity is an understatement. and, they are absolutely essential to experience at every opportunity.
the venue was a block from the tunnel, so it wasn't much of an adventure. but i ended up swallowing something at the show that caused me some grief, and i need to blame myself for being haphazard with my safety. that shouldn't have happened at all. it's best to follow my vlogs for the next couple of days to get the follow up on that.
the opening band (dawn of midi) was very tight minimalism that would have been far more effective if it was about 30% shorter. it was very much built on top of the work of steve reich, but was very reminiscent of a record released in the 90s called "reich remixed". but, because it was centered so squarely on the drums/bass combo, there were also strong references to minimalist strains of prog (like king crimson). as mentioned, it was just a little too long, but i think that had a lot to do with the standing-room-and-watching setting, too. it would have been better suited for something like a lounge atmosphere, or perhaps as background music for math homework.
==
here is a full set:
and, of course, the day's vlog:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/04/04.html
the venue was a block from the tunnel, so it wasn't much of an adventure. but i ended up swallowing something at the show that caused me some grief, and i need to blame myself for being haphazard with my safety. that shouldn't have happened at all. it's best to follow my vlogs for the next couple of days to get the follow up on that.
the opening band (dawn of midi) was very tight minimalism that would have been far more effective if it was about 30% shorter. it was very much built on top of the work of steve reich, but was very reminiscent of a record released in the 90s called "reich remixed". but, because it was centered so squarely on the drums/bass combo, there were also strong references to minimalist strains of prog (like king crimson). as mentioned, it was just a little too long, but i think that had a lot to do with the standing-room-and-watching setting, too. it would have been better suited for something like a lounge atmosphere, or perhaps as background music for math homework.
==
here is a full set:
and, of course, the day's vlog:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/04/04.html
Monday, April 11, 2016
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Thursday, April 7, 2016
of unwanted dogs and media-fueled paranoia
jessica
it seems as though i've been able to avoid the dogs in the apartment for the night. to be clear: my opposition is that i don't want strange animals parading through here. i would not oppose a human inspector.
that said, i understand that i cannot stall forever. so, i will have to allow the inspection, should cooler heads not prevail. just allow me to quickly make the following points, both to attempt to persuade you to halt and to make clear where i stand should the dog track anything in.
1. there are no bed bugs in the unit.
2. bed bugs are not like roaches or air-borne pathogens. they must be carried from place to place.
3. a detector dog is a perfect transmission vehicle. it actively seeks them out, thereby volunteering itself as a ship from them to sail on.
4. it is consequently dangerous and irrational to allow a detector dog to move through the unit. there are no bugs in the unit now. there may be by the time it's done.
so, if you insist, i cannot stop you - i can only stall the process, in hopes that whatever media-fueled hysteria behind this comes to pass. but, should the dog "find" anything, i will legally argue to the maximum extent of my ability that it was the dog, itself, that brought them in.
there are no bed bugs in this unit.
the landlord
Jessica, I have become aware of the situation and I know my brother does not have good judgment or thinks things through. I will be around as soon as I can. Please wait till I get there. I have told my brother to find a bug for proof and not be so stupid to believe a bug smelling dog! I believe there are no bed bugs at this point.
it seems as though i've been able to avoid the dogs in the apartment for the night. to be clear: my opposition is that i don't want strange animals parading through here. i would not oppose a human inspector.
that said, i understand that i cannot stall forever. so, i will have to allow the inspection, should cooler heads not prevail. just allow me to quickly make the following points, both to attempt to persuade you to halt and to make clear where i stand should the dog track anything in.
1. there are no bed bugs in the unit.
2. bed bugs are not like roaches or air-borne pathogens. they must be carried from place to place.
3. a detector dog is a perfect transmission vehicle. it actively seeks them out, thereby volunteering itself as a ship from them to sail on.
4. it is consequently dangerous and irrational to allow a detector dog to move through the unit. there are no bugs in the unit now. there may be by the time it's done.
so, if you insist, i cannot stop you - i can only stall the process, in hopes that whatever media-fueled hysteria behind this comes to pass. but, should the dog "find" anything, i will legally argue to the maximum extent of my ability that it was the dog, itself, that brought them in.
there are no bed bugs in this unit.
the landlord
Jessica, I have become aware of the situation and I know my brother does not have good judgment or thinks things through. I will be around as soon as I can. Please wait till I get there. I have told my brother to find a bug for proof and not be so stupid to believe a bug smelling dog! I believe there are no bed bugs at this point.
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
03/04-04-2016: before and after son lux
concert footage:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JovyZbjJIlI
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/04/04.html
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JovyZbjJIlI
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/04/04.html
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
i've set the 10th for my shut down deadline. that's three months since i quit smoking - and i've held to this. so, again: every other annoyance aside, that's something that i'm happy that i got done. just about anything is worth that. i can talk about wishing i had prioritized it earlier, but i just got tired of putting it off.
it will take a few days after the tenth to get rolling again. but, there will be some more completions before the end of april.
again: i quit smoking. for real. i had to turn my brain off for a few months to do that. it's led to low productivity while i normalized myself, but you should really congratulate me for it.
in the meantime,this is what i've been doing....
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCinQSeEtF0vSN1XVhQGfwKA
it will take a few days after the tenth to get rolling again. but, there will be some more completions before the end of april.
again: i quit smoking. for real. i had to turn my brain off for a few months to do that. it's led to low productivity while i normalized myself, but you should really congratulate me for it.
in the meantime,this is what i've been doing....
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCinQSeEtF0vSN1XVhQGfwKA
Friday, April 1, 2016
31-03-2016: out dancing all night...
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/03/31.html
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/03/31.html
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Sunday, March 27, 2016
furnace is leaking... (update)
the drip seems to be around the seal, rather than in the plastic - it was just accumulating on the plastic.
i have taped over the area. i know that this defeats the purpose of the drainage, but my prerogative is in keeping the water off of the floor. and, i suspect that the issue is upstairs, anyways.
i'm going to guess that the seal probably needs to be recaulked. but that the issue is probably really in the furnace.
j
i have taped over the area. i know that this defeats the purpose of the drainage, but my prerogative is in keeping the water off of the floor. and, i suspect that the issue is upstairs, anyways.
i'm going to guess that the seal probably needs to be recaulked. but that the issue is probably really in the furnace.
j
Friday, March 25, 2016
j reacts to (specious) accusations of nihilism
and, i
want to be clear about something: i am not a nihilist. i am an atheist
and a secular humanist. i believe i've actually argued very strenuously against
moral relativism and very strenuously against subjectivity in art. i
believe in the objective reality of a world determined via scientific inquiry.
there is no god in this world, but there are plenty of things that are true. in
fact, i would argue that the truth value of the statement there is no god
is true. that is, itself, a truth. i am a positivist. i believe truth is
obtainable - and that one of those truths is that there is no guiding force in
the universe.
but, i haven't been through this here. not exactly. bits and pieces.
the problem is the way the discussion is framed, to assume various things for granted. i am an anarchist; i reject hobbes. i do not believe that people need the threat of god, or the threat of some sovereign, to fall in line and behave. rather, i think that religion and authoritarianism are corrupting forces. we are not evil in despite of the state but because of it. the collapse of the state would bring us back to a "natural condition" of mutual aid and reciprocal altruism. this is not because we have a selfless nature, it is because altruism and rational self-interest are equivalent, when fully understood.
watch this, it's in the name of general education:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kWuR9Rzzlo
what that actually means is that i think that nietzsche is just a tempest in a teapot, because i reject the assumptions he was working under in the first place. understanding the obvious truth that there is no god will not collapse society, but allow it to reach it's next stage of development. nihilists should consequently be seen as reactionaries that seek to uphold the status quo - at best. at worst, they end up as straussian neocons like hillary clinton and want to take us back into the dark ages.
there is a certain line of thinking that ends with nietzsche, but it was a stupid line of reasoning that was in opposition to the real movements of enlightened thinking, anyways. his supposed crisis was resolved by aquinas, who was himself just quoting aristotle. what you see in his writings is a fool coming to terms with the idiocy of his systems of thought. but, only fools would have ever walked down that path in the first place. this is centuries after galileo!
so, i don't think that nihilism presents us with any sort of a real problem. but, if we want to be stuck in this foolish historical narrative? a very obvious and completely satisfactory solution immediately presents itself in secular humanism. and, there is consequently really no reason to take note of the man or his writings at all. he should be forgotten. instead, we should remember the line of thinking that takes us from aristotle, through aquinas and ends with comte.
but, i haven't been through this here. not exactly. bits and pieces.
the problem is the way the discussion is framed, to assume various things for granted. i am an anarchist; i reject hobbes. i do not believe that people need the threat of god, or the threat of some sovereign, to fall in line and behave. rather, i think that religion and authoritarianism are corrupting forces. we are not evil in despite of the state but because of it. the collapse of the state would bring us back to a "natural condition" of mutual aid and reciprocal altruism. this is not because we have a selfless nature, it is because altruism and rational self-interest are equivalent, when fully understood.
watch this, it's in the name of general education:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kWuR9Rzzlo
what that actually means is that i think that nietzsche is just a tempest in a teapot, because i reject the assumptions he was working under in the first place. understanding the obvious truth that there is no god will not collapse society, but allow it to reach it's next stage of development. nihilists should consequently be seen as reactionaries that seek to uphold the status quo - at best. at worst, they end up as straussian neocons like hillary clinton and want to take us back into the dark ages.
there is a certain line of thinking that ends with nietzsche, but it was a stupid line of reasoning that was in opposition to the real movements of enlightened thinking, anyways. his supposed crisis was resolved by aquinas, who was himself just quoting aristotle. what you see in his writings is a fool coming to terms with the idiocy of his systems of thought. but, only fools would have ever walked down that path in the first place. this is centuries after galileo!
so, i don't think that nihilism presents us with any sort of a real problem. but, if we want to be stuck in this foolish historical narrative? a very obvious and completely satisfactory solution immediately presents itself in secular humanism. and, there is consequently really no reason to take note of the man or his writings at all. he should be forgotten. instead, we should remember the line of thinking that takes us from aristotle, through aquinas and ends with comte.
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