https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
Thursday, January 7, 2016
07-01-2016: on sexual confusion in adolescence
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
publishing on sexual confusion in adolescence (inri013)
i have added a modified vocal reconstruction to the front of this ep and the 2013 remaster to the end of it, as a download only. that closes the ep.
i'll be permanently resequencing the first record next, but i need to get groceries this afternoon while it's nice, first.
==
this was not initially constructed as a standalone work, but it became one almost the moment that it was constructed. there was always an intent to combine the sexuality themed tracks together at the front of my first record, but the initial idea was something more like frontloading the disc than building a cohesive work. it just happened to build itself up that way, and was truly apparent as such on the very first listen. even the phantom of the opera cover in the middle of the track became topical in a sort of subversive way.
i first broke the piece off into a standalone file in the spring of 2014 as a mirror image to the sequence that ends my second record, which actually *was* consciously written as a single work all the way back in 1996 (and appears that way at the end of the very first demo tape). i thought that if the second record was going to have an epic then the first should as well. as the first six tracks had long been a subset in my mind, this was a natural thing to do. the title of the track was first published as an upload to youtube in mar, 2014 on the deathtokoalas channel, which is now deleted.
i did not initially number these tracks as symphonies due to their incorporation of childish vocals, although i had planned to include them on any symphonic compilation discs, nonetheless. i saw them more as proto-symphonies - or just as beginner epics, where i was finding my feet but ultimately still working out ideas.
it wasn't until i finished reclaiming my 1998 demos from tape at the end of 2015 that i realized that i could resequence my first two records from scratch and republish them as instrumental works. the ability to reclaim these two epics as instrumental works, and consequently as full symphonies, followed as a corollary of this. it was consequently not until january, 2016 that i finally elevated the instrumental reconstruction of this recording to the level of my first official symphony, which is where it will now exist into perpetuity: eternally, finally.
the focus in reconstruction was to erect a final version rather than conform to the original mix, so later versions were prioritized over earlier ones. the first through fourth sections are very similar to the original album mix, whereas the fifth and sixth sections have been replaced with expanded mixes.
once the instrumental version had been constructed for the record, i felt i had lost something by removing the vocals - or at least some of them. in the context of the improved master, i felt an edited vocal take could actually elevate the symphony to a different and surreal level, if presented in the right context. this context could not be on the record, though, which had to be fully instrumental. instead, i decided to place the vocal reconstruction as a standalone single, with the instrumental as a flip side to it.
this is an incredibly dense piece of music that i'm proud to finally place in the serious part of my discography.
written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. released jan 7, 2016. this is my first symphony; as always, please use headphones.
section one: initially written & recorded in 1997. re-recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section two: initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 18, 2015. sequenced jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section three: initially written by andrew lloyd webber. recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section four: originally created in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 5, 2015. expanded on jan 3, 2016 & sequenced on jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section five: written june, 1998. reimagined june, 2001. slightly rearranged and re-rendered at the end of july, 2014. rearranged again at the end of may, 2015. remastered from the 2014 & 2015 sources on jan 6, 2016.
section six: initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. vocals and electronics added on july 16, 2015. sequenced on jan 6, 2016.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, synthesizers, vocals, drum programming, orchestral & other sequencing, cool edit synthesis, sampling, found sounds (washing machine), metronome, digital wave editing, production
the rendered electronic orchestra includes piano, electric guitar, orchestra hit, pizzicato strings, synth pads, violin, viola, cello, contrabass, electric bass, tubular bells and flute.
released june 6, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence
1) written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
2) this is also the opening sequence (the first six tracks) of my first official record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-instrumental
3) deleted 2013 remaster of the opening sequence of the first record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix-2
4) deleted original 1998 opening sequence of the first record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-original-1998-cd-mix-2
i'll be permanently resequencing the first record next, but i need to get groceries this afternoon while it's nice, first.
==
this was not initially constructed as a standalone work, but it became one almost the moment that it was constructed. there was always an intent to combine the sexuality themed tracks together at the front of my first record, but the initial idea was something more like frontloading the disc than building a cohesive work. it just happened to build itself up that way, and was truly apparent as such on the very first listen. even the phantom of the opera cover in the middle of the track became topical in a sort of subversive way.
i first broke the piece off into a standalone file in the spring of 2014 as a mirror image to the sequence that ends my second record, which actually *was* consciously written as a single work all the way back in 1996 (and appears that way at the end of the very first demo tape). i thought that if the second record was going to have an epic then the first should as well. as the first six tracks had long been a subset in my mind, this was a natural thing to do. the title of the track was first published as an upload to youtube in mar, 2014 on the deathtokoalas channel, which is now deleted.
i did not initially number these tracks as symphonies due to their incorporation of childish vocals, although i had planned to include them on any symphonic compilation discs, nonetheless. i saw them more as proto-symphonies - or just as beginner epics, where i was finding my feet but ultimately still working out ideas.
it wasn't until i finished reclaiming my 1998 demos from tape at the end of 2015 that i realized that i could resequence my first two records from scratch and republish them as instrumental works. the ability to reclaim these two epics as instrumental works, and consequently as full symphonies, followed as a corollary of this. it was consequently not until january, 2016 that i finally elevated the instrumental reconstruction of this recording to the level of my first official symphony, which is where it will now exist into perpetuity: eternally, finally.
the focus in reconstruction was to erect a final version rather than conform to the original mix, so later versions were prioritized over earlier ones. the first through fourth sections are very similar to the original album mix, whereas the fifth and sixth sections have been replaced with expanded mixes.
once the instrumental version had been constructed for the record, i felt i had lost something by removing the vocals - or at least some of them. in the context of the improved master, i felt an edited vocal take could actually elevate the symphony to a different and surreal level, if presented in the right context. this context could not be on the record, though, which had to be fully instrumental. instead, i decided to place the vocal reconstruction as a standalone single, with the instrumental as a flip side to it.
this is an incredibly dense piece of music that i'm proud to finally place in the serious part of my discography.
written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. released jan 7, 2016. this is my first symphony; as always, please use headphones.
section one: initially written & recorded in 1997. re-recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section two: initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 18, 2015. sequenced jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section three: initially written by andrew lloyd webber. recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section four: originally created in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 5, 2015. expanded on jan 3, 2016 & sequenced on jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section five: written june, 1998. reimagined june, 2001. slightly rearranged and re-rendered at the end of july, 2014. rearranged again at the end of may, 2015. remastered from the 2014 & 2015 sources on jan 6, 2016.
section six: initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. vocals and electronics added on july 16, 2015. sequenced on jan 6, 2016.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, synthesizers, vocals, drum programming, orchestral & other sequencing, cool edit synthesis, sampling, found sounds (washing machine), metronome, digital wave editing, production
the rendered electronic orchestra includes piano, electric guitar, orchestra hit, pizzicato strings, synth pads, violin, viola, cello, contrabass, electric bass, tubular bells and flute.
released june 6, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence
1) written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
2) this is also the opening sequence (the first six tracks) of my first official record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-instrumental
3) deleted 2013 remaster of the opening sequence of the first record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix-2
4) deleted original 1998 opening sequence of the first record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-original-1998-cd-mix-2
fuck the dead (vocal reconstruction)
originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3
publishing i did your mom (inri009)
this is the final version of something i'd been playing with since about '94 or so, and by this time the track had become something that was beyond absurd. in a way, this is the culmination of everything i did in this period. it's the central track of my inri years: it's both the first thing i spent any time seriously writing and the ultimate realization of the musical ideas i was exploring. it's the longest track on the first demo. the drum programming is deep, there's an orchestration through sequencing, synth parts in the background, lead guitar work coming to the forefront - it's everything thrown together at a coherent level, really for the first time.
that this is the central track of this period maybe demonstrates how ridiculous i was and how ridiculous my musical vision was. maybe it also demonstrates just how young i was.
the remaining tracks in this period sort of pivot after this.
i should be clear: this is pretty much the most terrible song that you could possibly imagine existing, and that was kind of the intent. the shock value is entirely up front. but at the same time, it's just so terrible that it's kind of funny, and that was entirely intended as well.
you could maybe say something about how somebody like alice cooper ripping live chicken heads off in the middle of a performance is just about the most tyrannical thing you could imagine somebody getting away with on stage. it's just *so* ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh - even as you're horrified.
it's a phase a lot of teenagers go through. i guess the difference between me and a hundred thousand other kids is that i was exploring it through composition.
-
now that i'm an adult, this isn't something i would write or promote. yet, i sort of am by uploading it. the interest here is to document the existence of a troubled child. well, and to document myself - i was that troubled child.
the history of the track is perhaps a little less obnoxious than may be suspected. i was actually being taunted by somebody in the eighth grade. that person had never met and never would meet my mother. it's just a remark that young boys make. freudian analyses aside, i don't think there's really that much conscious thought put into it.
my decision to write a song about it was half a joke and half a response to being teased. i listened to and feigned laughter at a lot of oppressive jokes when i was younger; to an extent, i regret not speaking up, but i can state with honesty that i never felt comfortable taking part (now, self-deprecating humour, often of a sexual nature, is another thing). this reaction, on that "fuck you" level, shouldn't provide for any specific discomfort.
however, the fact that i explored the topic in a deeper level of depth than my taunters did perhaps might, and perhaps should. i need to bring you back to my aims in recording this early demo: i was trying to be as disturbing and shocking as i possibly could be. my taunters provided me with a particularly disturbing subject matter to explore, and i took full advantage of that.
this track is certainly disturbing and certainly shocking. success? well, i guess. looking back, i've always been torn between regret and satisfaction. i still am...
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. released jan 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, drum programming, drum kit, synths, sequencers, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released march 20, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
1) deleted original 1996 mix. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-original-1996-mix-2
2) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from 112 kbps mp3. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-1998-archived-112-kbps-mp3-2
3) deleted 1998 cd mix. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998.
4) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo cassette. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. remastered in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-mix
5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
6) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2015-instrumental-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
7) initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. vocals added and sequenced on jan 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-4
8) initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-electronics-only-mix-cut
that this is the central track of this period maybe demonstrates how ridiculous i was and how ridiculous my musical vision was. maybe it also demonstrates just how young i was.
the remaining tracks in this period sort of pivot after this.
i should be clear: this is pretty much the most terrible song that you could possibly imagine existing, and that was kind of the intent. the shock value is entirely up front. but at the same time, it's just so terrible that it's kind of funny, and that was entirely intended as well.
you could maybe say something about how somebody like alice cooper ripping live chicken heads off in the middle of a performance is just about the most tyrannical thing you could imagine somebody getting away with on stage. it's just *so* ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh - even as you're horrified.
it's a phase a lot of teenagers go through. i guess the difference between me and a hundred thousand other kids is that i was exploring it through composition.
-
now that i'm an adult, this isn't something i would write or promote. yet, i sort of am by uploading it. the interest here is to document the existence of a troubled child. well, and to document myself - i was that troubled child.
the history of the track is perhaps a little less obnoxious than may be suspected. i was actually being taunted by somebody in the eighth grade. that person had never met and never would meet my mother. it's just a remark that young boys make. freudian analyses aside, i don't think there's really that much conscious thought put into it.
my decision to write a song about it was half a joke and half a response to being teased. i listened to and feigned laughter at a lot of oppressive jokes when i was younger; to an extent, i regret not speaking up, but i can state with honesty that i never felt comfortable taking part (now, self-deprecating humour, often of a sexual nature, is another thing). this reaction, on that "fuck you" level, shouldn't provide for any specific discomfort.
however, the fact that i explored the topic in a deeper level of depth than my taunters did perhaps might, and perhaps should. i need to bring you back to my aims in recording this early demo: i was trying to be as disturbing and shocking as i possibly could be. my taunters provided me with a particularly disturbing subject matter to explore, and i took full advantage of that.
this track is certainly disturbing and certainly shocking. success? well, i guess. looking back, i've always been torn between regret and satisfaction. i still am...
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. released jan 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, drum programming, drum kit, synths, sequencers, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released march 20, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
1) deleted original 1996 mix. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-original-1996-mix-2
2) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from 112 kbps mp3. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-1998-archived-112-kbps-mp3-2
3) deleted 1998 cd mix. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998.
4) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo cassette. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. remastered in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-mix
5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
6) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2015-instrumental-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
7) initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. vocals added and sequenced on jan 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-4
8) initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-electronics-only-mix-cut
i did your mom (vocal reconstruction)
so...
i initially wanted a separate option to get this stuff without vocals, and was willing to leave the records as they were, as historical documents. so, there was no reason to mix in the vocals. after listening to how stark the difference is in quality, i cannot do that. and, if i'm going to reconstruct the records, i'd rather reconstruct them as instrumentals. that would mean there would be no vocal versions, except as badly mixed outtakes.
but, what i'm reconstructing as my first symphony loses context when you strip the vocals out - it's an interesting 36 minutes of music, but the thematic unity that made it a coherent piece of music is gone. so, i'm mixing the vocals back in to that 36 minute piece and releasing it on the ep.
sort of. i'm cutting some of the vocals out. there's just enough left to maintain the purpose of the piece.
.... which means i now have a vocal mix of 'mom' to put on the single, which i hadn't previously wanted to do - but which now makes sense.
see, deductions follow from assumptions. when assumptions change, deductions change. logic is actually quite a fluid system of thought. i went through a phase when that soured me on it, but i've come to appreciate it's defect as an asset.
i've taken out the vocals for the second half of the verses and the bridges, leaving only various statements of "i did your mom". this is self-censorship. it's less due to the fact that it's graphic or offensive, and more due to the fact that it's just weak. i mean, it was always meant to have this sort of detached, dark humour to it, but it's just....it's not very sophisticated. words were chosen because they rhyme. in hindsight, it comes off as less egregious on a social level and more egregious on a maturity level.
this will drive the symphony, and that is the intent. this add to the single is really just in the name of being thorough.
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. vocals added and sequenced on jan 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2015-full-reinterpretation-from-1998-source-tapes
i initially wanted a separate option to get this stuff without vocals, and was willing to leave the records as they were, as historical documents. so, there was no reason to mix in the vocals. after listening to how stark the difference is in quality, i cannot do that. and, if i'm going to reconstruct the records, i'd rather reconstruct them as instrumentals. that would mean there would be no vocal versions, except as badly mixed outtakes.
but, what i'm reconstructing as my first symphony loses context when you strip the vocals out - it's an interesting 36 minutes of music, but the thematic unity that made it a coherent piece of music is gone. so, i'm mixing the vocals back in to that 36 minute piece and releasing it on the ep.
sort of. i'm cutting some of the vocals out. there's just enough left to maintain the purpose of the piece.
.... which means i now have a vocal mix of 'mom' to put on the single, which i hadn't previously wanted to do - but which now makes sense.
see, deductions follow from assumptions. when assumptions change, deductions change. logic is actually quite a fluid system of thought. i went through a phase when that soured me on it, but i've come to appreciate it's defect as an asset.
i've taken out the vocals for the second half of the verses and the bridges, leaving only various statements of "i did your mom". this is self-censorship. it's less due to the fact that it's graphic or offensive, and more due to the fact that it's just weak. i mean, it was always meant to have this sort of detached, dark humour to it, but it's just....it's not very sophisticated. words were chosen because they rhyme. in hindsight, it comes off as less egregious on a social level and more egregious on a maturity level.
this will drive the symphony, and that is the intent. this add to the single is really just in the name of being thorough.
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. vocals added and sequenced on jan 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2015-full-reinterpretation-from-1998-source-tapes
i'm just going to point out that this discography update is discarding most of my youtube uploads of tracks dated over 1998 to the status of outtakes. to be more precise, they're now all discarded mixes.
i'm not that upset about this. i'm using youtube as an advertising platform - which is basically all it really can be used for. if i had ads on, i'd have something like $30 in my pocket from the 30,000 hits i've bit and clawed for over the last two years. it's impossible as a revenue source.
so, basically, it now means that most of my ads for music from that period are low quality versions of the final products, which are only available at bandcamp.
in fact, the change i'm going to make moving forward is that i'm going to stop uploading high quality tracks. what's here is here. but, i'm basically giving it away - and it's not as effective of a portal as i hoped it would be. i think i'm better off doing something like this, which is floating a tease and giving people a good reason to exit the site.
i was online young. to me, the internet is actually the internet. but, i know that to a lot of people that tuned in after 1998, and especially after 2005, the internet is two or three safe sites and a giant mass of scary. it may strike some as kind of hilarious to think people are actually afraid to leave youtube. but, i know this is the actual truth. what if they get a virus? this is seriously how people approach exiting the troika of google, facebook and twitter.
so, i need more push factors along with more pull factors.
but, this is really a huge overhaul. i've uploaded a bunch of singles already, but the actual replacement of files is just seriously getting started this afternoon. the increase in sound quality is immediately apparent. but, i don't want to disturb the algorithm i've got set up. and, as stated, i really want to be pulling people off of youtube, rather than holding their attention here.
i know there's some possibilities in the "google play" store, but i don't like the idea of streaming as a business model. the majors may see some value in this, and it may end up being the default way to get old catalog items like a pink floyd or led zeppelin record for the near future. but, it's just not going to be the way that independent artists work. that has to be something closer to a bandcamp model.
i mean, i guess if i thought i could pump out a hit single, i'd change my mind a little. but, i'm dealing with a more specialized audience. fuck, you can't even really listen to this stuff properly unless you have an audiophile set of headphones, y'know? i'm not aiming for a teen-pop market. i'm really aiming for an adult contemporary market that only bleeds marginally into a younger audience. file next to autechre, kind of thing.
real music fans already know that they have to get outside of the default channels to find what they like. the reality is that the discerning music fan isn't going to be any more likely to find what they're looking for through spotify or google play or whatever else than they ever have been by listening to the radio or watching mtv. the streaming services can be the next gen radio. they can't be the next gen independent music store, too.
indie artists just won't buy into something where they don't get paid. they will find their own distribution channels. and their fans will follow them.
that's why youtube is so bizarre - it breaks that apart. i don't know how long it will last for. but, i need to kind of clue-in to what it actually is, too, and start using it more appropriately.
so, yeah. these files are now all deprecated. and, i'm not going to replace them. i'm just going to put up links to the current versions.
i'm not that upset about this. i'm using youtube as an advertising platform - which is basically all it really can be used for. if i had ads on, i'd have something like $30 in my pocket from the 30,000 hits i've bit and clawed for over the last two years. it's impossible as a revenue source.
so, basically, it now means that most of my ads for music from that period are low quality versions of the final products, which are only available at bandcamp.
in fact, the change i'm going to make moving forward is that i'm going to stop uploading high quality tracks. what's here is here. but, i'm basically giving it away - and it's not as effective of a portal as i hoped it would be. i think i'm better off doing something like this, which is floating a tease and giving people a good reason to exit the site.
i was online young. to me, the internet is actually the internet. but, i know that to a lot of people that tuned in after 1998, and especially after 2005, the internet is two or three safe sites and a giant mass of scary. it may strike some as kind of hilarious to think people are actually afraid to leave youtube. but, i know this is the actual truth. what if they get a virus? this is seriously how people approach exiting the troika of google, facebook and twitter.
so, i need more push factors along with more pull factors.
but, this is really a huge overhaul. i've uploaded a bunch of singles already, but the actual replacement of files is just seriously getting started this afternoon. the increase in sound quality is immediately apparent. but, i don't want to disturb the algorithm i've got set up. and, as stated, i really want to be pulling people off of youtube, rather than holding their attention here.
i know there's some possibilities in the "google play" store, but i don't like the idea of streaming as a business model. the majors may see some value in this, and it may end up being the default way to get old catalog items like a pink floyd or led zeppelin record for the near future. but, it's just not going to be the way that independent artists work. that has to be something closer to a bandcamp model.
i mean, i guess if i thought i could pump out a hit single, i'd change my mind a little. but, i'm dealing with a more specialized audience. fuck, you can't even really listen to this stuff properly unless you have an audiophile set of headphones, y'know? i'm not aiming for a teen-pop market. i'm really aiming for an adult contemporary market that only bleeds marginally into a younger audience. file next to autechre, kind of thing.
real music fans already know that they have to get outside of the default channels to find what they like. the reality is that the discerning music fan isn't going to be any more likely to find what they're looking for through spotify or google play or whatever else than they ever have been by listening to the radio or watching mtv. the streaming services can be the next gen radio. they can't be the next gen independent music store, too.
indie artists just won't buy into something where they don't get paid. they will find their own distribution channels. and their fans will follow them.
that's why youtube is so bizarre - it breaks that apart. i don't know how long it will last for. but, i need to kind of clue-in to what it actually is, too, and start using it more appropriately.
so, yeah. these files are now all deprecated. and, i'm not going to replace them. i'm just going to put up links to the current versions.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
prematurely publishing on sexual confusion in adolescence (inri013)
this one dates to june 6, 1998. the files were completed on june 4, 1998 but i no doubt did not sequence the record until later. this date is actually very consciously chosen to position it after a 20-minute sample collage i completed on june 5, 1998. that will allow me to renumber this piece as my first symphony without strange ambiguity.
the truth is that it is neither clear when i finished the sample collage nor when i completed sequencing this recording.
what this is is the first six tracks from the first record, as the first record will appear shortly. there was intent from the start to combine the tracks that were about transgressive sexual thoughts: rape, necrophilia and self-mutilation. the phantom cover was actually topical. it was all entirely fictional, of course. and, all the vocal content has been stripped out - for now, at least. i may work it back in for this release and flip side it...
the point is that this was conceived of as a song suite when i was making it back in 1998. i've long considered it a sort of proto-symphony, but the recording was just too terrible to allow into my symphonic series. that's been fixed...
...and it is therefore the new symphony one.
tracks one and three were remastered from the cd tracks. tracks two, four and six were rebuilt from source. tracks five and six feature substantial updates to the core of the tracks.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
the truth is that it is neither clear when i finished the sample collage nor when i completed sequencing this recording.
what this is is the first six tracks from the first record, as the first record will appear shortly. there was intent from the start to combine the tracks that were about transgressive sexual thoughts: rape, necrophilia and self-mutilation. the phantom cover was actually topical. it was all entirely fictional, of course. and, all the vocal content has been stripped out - for now, at least. i may work it back in for this release and flip side it...
the point is that this was conceived of as a song suite when i was making it back in 1998. i've long considered it a sort of proto-symphony, but the recording was just too terrible to allow into my symphonic series. that's been fixed...
...and it is therefore the new symphony one.
tracks one and three were remastered from the cd tracks. tracks two, four and six were rebuilt from source. tracks five and six feature substantial updates to the core of the tracks.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
publishing nope (inri011)
so, i''ve uploaded the last single from the first record. this is the new inri009.
this is the second and last vocal track from the period that really had any actual meaning to me on a personal basis - rather than as a political commentary, or from the psychological perspective of a character or even just randomly thrown together nonsense. in fact, it's the only real reason i'm putting this single up. that's different than any of the others.
this is also going to be the only single that didn't have an earlier demo version. i actually wrote this one in 1998. as such, it's actually one of the last conventional "songs" that i ever wrote.
the logic here is sort of complex. i was initially content to leave the vocal version on the record. but, now that the record is purely instrumental, i want a vocal version available - therefore a single must exist. but, i'm also toying with the idea of splicing some vocal parts up and releasing them on a separate ep. i wouldn't have previously wanted to do that, because the vocal versions were on the record...
if this happens, it will be at the absolute end of the sequence, so i'm not thinking about it right now. the single will continue to exist, regardless.
==
it's often remarked that there's a fine line between genius and idiocy. it's less often remarked that there's an equally fine line between wisdom and depression.
in early 1998, i was generating quite a bit of concern about my mental well being. ironically, i think this actually coincided with a period of very rapid mental development and maturation. i kind of just went to sleep one night as an immature teen and woke up the next morning as an overmature young adult. i can't really assign any kind of catalyst to it, either. while i haven't looked into this at all, i suspect it's a less uncommon phenomenon than might be imagined.
i should maybe give my parents, which at this point in time means my father and step-mother but primarily my father, a little bit of credit for at least being aware that my character underwent a fast and drastic shift from being kind of hyperactive and full of snarky wit to being quiet and sort of withdrawn. the immediate interpretation of such a shift is inevitably going to be that it is at least consistent with the onset of some kind of depression. so, i ended up dealing with the spanish inquisition for a while, regarding my shift in demeanour. was i alright? if i wasn't, would i tell him? would i agree to talk to somebody?
i did agree to talk to somebody, mostly to ease his own concerns. i mean, i just didn't see the need for him to be worrying about me like this.
the reality of the situation was that i had simply matured a little bit. sure: there were some real life concerns happening around me. life at 17 is not childhood any longer; it can be stressful. maybe that had affected me a little bit. but, depression? i didn't feel that i was suffering from anything. i just felt that my personality was asserting itself as something that was kind of stoic. i don't want to call myself a sociopath, exactly: stoicism gets the point across better. what's the point of getting irritable? what does it solve?
the doctor keyed in on some of the music i was listening to. now, it's the late 90s: right after grunge. people are still reeling from, like, kurt cobain copycat suicides. i was in a bit of a different musical head space than that, one defined mostly by nine inch nails (and including influences on nin and offshoots from it). that's actually considerably worse, on first glance, although i was aware of the fact that reznor was writing from the perspective of a character rather than from personal experience. the point is that i understood where the concern was coming from and was able to effectively articulate that point to the doctor. we agreed that i didn't necessarily need to be put on anti-depressants right away, but that i should accept a prescription and fill it at some point if i get overwhelmed.
so, i came home with a prescription and immediately hit the internet to research it. i didn't like what i found. i had explicitly told the doctor that i was experiencing a lack of emotional instability, not an excess of it. so, i didn't need to turn my emotions off; if anything, i would have benefited more from something that amplified my emotions more. the idea that i was depressed was just a misperception. nonetheless, the mere *idea* of taking drugs that would suppress my emotions and may have long term or permanent effects scared the hell out of me. the xfiles sample that appears on the original mix was something that i had put aside for future pro-atheist use but, after doing this research, became very relevant in a completely different context.
so, i wasn't keen on taking these drugs that were going to at best turn me into a zombie and at worst turn me into a mass murderer. nope. no thanks...
my dad pushed the point for quite a while, though. in his mind, i came home with a prescription and ought to fill it. this song is a reaction to his insistence, which i always knew was coming from a good place. in fact, he never really dropped the argument.
the doctor and i also talked a little bit about my own music, and how it was an outlet for various frustrations. i made the argument that, while i didn't feel depressed, i was nonetheless better off working out issues of the sort through art than i was taking pills. so, this song also exists on that kind of meta level.
in hindsight, i don't want to give off the impression that i reject psychology or the medicalization of depression. that is simply untrue. the honest truth is that i simply did not feel that i was suffering from any kind of depression. yet, i've also always been very uncomfortable with the way that this process unfolded. we talked for less than an hour, and i walked out with a prescription for a mind-altering substance that could have dramatically damaged me. why is there not more oversight in this process? one would think that i should have been given a blood test to determine if i actually had an imbalance or not. no doctor can determine an imbalance through intuition. that is flat out quackery! an imbalance must be measured. if it can be determined empirically, it ought to be reacted to. yet, i was never even tested.
as an artist, i'm glad that i had the presence of mind to reject the drugs at this age. i simply don't know what they would have done to me, or who i would be today had i taken them.
originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016. released on jan 6, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, synth bass, synths, drum programming, sequencing, vocals, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released april 29, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/nope-2
1) there was a vocal version created in the summer of 2015, but this version was reconstructed in jan, 2016 to mathematically align properly with the instrumental/album version. i don't have the original date of render, but it was probably july 15, 2015. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-3
2) the album mix is the same as the version that was constructed from original 1998 source tape over the summer of 2015. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-album-version
3) the electronics only mix really just removes the guitars (and vocals). originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-electronics-only
4) deleted 2013 remaster. the dialogue is from the x-files. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. dec 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
5) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from a 112 kbps mp3. the dialogue is from the x-files. originally created in april, 1998. april 29, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-1998-archived-112-kbps-mp3
this is the second and last vocal track from the period that really had any actual meaning to me on a personal basis - rather than as a political commentary, or from the psychological perspective of a character or even just randomly thrown together nonsense. in fact, it's the only real reason i'm putting this single up. that's different than any of the others.
this is also going to be the only single that didn't have an earlier demo version. i actually wrote this one in 1998. as such, it's actually one of the last conventional "songs" that i ever wrote.
the logic here is sort of complex. i was initially content to leave the vocal version on the record. but, now that the record is purely instrumental, i want a vocal version available - therefore a single must exist. but, i'm also toying with the idea of splicing some vocal parts up and releasing them on a separate ep. i wouldn't have previously wanted to do that, because the vocal versions were on the record...
if this happens, it will be at the absolute end of the sequence, so i'm not thinking about it right now. the single will continue to exist, regardless.
==
it's often remarked that there's a fine line between genius and idiocy. it's less often remarked that there's an equally fine line between wisdom and depression.
in early 1998, i was generating quite a bit of concern about my mental well being. ironically, i think this actually coincided with a period of very rapid mental development and maturation. i kind of just went to sleep one night as an immature teen and woke up the next morning as an overmature young adult. i can't really assign any kind of catalyst to it, either. while i haven't looked into this at all, i suspect it's a less uncommon phenomenon than might be imagined.
i should maybe give my parents, which at this point in time means my father and step-mother but primarily my father, a little bit of credit for at least being aware that my character underwent a fast and drastic shift from being kind of hyperactive and full of snarky wit to being quiet and sort of withdrawn. the immediate interpretation of such a shift is inevitably going to be that it is at least consistent with the onset of some kind of depression. so, i ended up dealing with the spanish inquisition for a while, regarding my shift in demeanour. was i alright? if i wasn't, would i tell him? would i agree to talk to somebody?
i did agree to talk to somebody, mostly to ease his own concerns. i mean, i just didn't see the need for him to be worrying about me like this.
the reality of the situation was that i had simply matured a little bit. sure: there were some real life concerns happening around me. life at 17 is not childhood any longer; it can be stressful. maybe that had affected me a little bit. but, depression? i didn't feel that i was suffering from anything. i just felt that my personality was asserting itself as something that was kind of stoic. i don't want to call myself a sociopath, exactly: stoicism gets the point across better. what's the point of getting irritable? what does it solve?
the doctor keyed in on some of the music i was listening to. now, it's the late 90s: right after grunge. people are still reeling from, like, kurt cobain copycat suicides. i was in a bit of a different musical head space than that, one defined mostly by nine inch nails (and including influences on nin and offshoots from it). that's actually considerably worse, on first glance, although i was aware of the fact that reznor was writing from the perspective of a character rather than from personal experience. the point is that i understood where the concern was coming from and was able to effectively articulate that point to the doctor. we agreed that i didn't necessarily need to be put on anti-depressants right away, but that i should accept a prescription and fill it at some point if i get overwhelmed.
so, i came home with a prescription and immediately hit the internet to research it. i didn't like what i found. i had explicitly told the doctor that i was experiencing a lack of emotional instability, not an excess of it. so, i didn't need to turn my emotions off; if anything, i would have benefited more from something that amplified my emotions more. the idea that i was depressed was just a misperception. nonetheless, the mere *idea* of taking drugs that would suppress my emotions and may have long term or permanent effects scared the hell out of me. the xfiles sample that appears on the original mix was something that i had put aside for future pro-atheist use but, after doing this research, became very relevant in a completely different context.
so, i wasn't keen on taking these drugs that were going to at best turn me into a zombie and at worst turn me into a mass murderer. nope. no thanks...
my dad pushed the point for quite a while, though. in his mind, i came home with a prescription and ought to fill it. this song is a reaction to his insistence, which i always knew was coming from a good place. in fact, he never really dropped the argument.
the doctor and i also talked a little bit about my own music, and how it was an outlet for various frustrations. i made the argument that, while i didn't feel depressed, i was nonetheless better off working out issues of the sort through art than i was taking pills. so, this song also exists on that kind of meta level.
in hindsight, i don't want to give off the impression that i reject psychology or the medicalization of depression. that is simply untrue. the honest truth is that i simply did not feel that i was suffering from any kind of depression. yet, i've also always been very uncomfortable with the way that this process unfolded. we talked for less than an hour, and i walked out with a prescription for a mind-altering substance that could have dramatically damaged me. why is there not more oversight in this process? one would think that i should have been given a blood test to determine if i actually had an imbalance or not. no doctor can determine an imbalance through intuition. that is flat out quackery! an imbalance must be measured. if it can be determined empirically, it ought to be reacted to. yet, i was never even tested.
as an artist, i'm glad that i had the presence of mind to reject the drugs at this age. i simply don't know what they would have done to me, or who i would be today had i taken them.
originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016. released on jan 6, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, synth bass, synths, drum programming, sequencing, vocals, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released april 29, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/nope-2
1) there was a vocal version created in the summer of 2015, but this version was reconstructed in jan, 2016 to mathematically align properly with the instrumental/album version. i don't have the original date of render, but it was probably july 15, 2015. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-3
2) the album mix is the same as the version that was constructed from original 1998 source tape over the summer of 2015. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-album-version
3) the electronics only mix really just removes the guitars (and vocals). originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-electronics-only
4) deleted 2013 remaster. the dialogue is from the x-files. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. dec 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
5) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from a 112 kbps mp3. the dialogue is from the x-files. originally created in april, 1998. april 29, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-1998-archived-112-kbps-mp3
i just listened to an instrumental reconstruction of my first record and i damned near started crying. i can now add this to my list of brilliant left-field electronic records - i didn't think i'd ever get to say that. i thought these tracks were beyond being salvaged..
i'm going to wait until i get the full sequence done before i upload anything else, because this is going to turn that section of the discography on it's head and i just want to wait until the tracklistings are all final.
all the singles i uploaded are final, it's the next year or so worth of recordings that are going to get played with quite a bit.
i'm going to wait until i get the full sequence done before i upload anything else, because this is going to turn that section of the discography on it's head and i just want to wait until the tracklistings are all final.
all the singles i uploaded are final, it's the next year or so worth of recordings that are going to get played with quite a bit.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
so, this is a surreal moment, and i thought it would never come, but it is finally here: i am resequencing my first record.
it is true that there are tracks i cannot reconstruct, but i don't really need to reconstruct any of them because they're instrumentals, anyways. so, i can create a reasonable replacement for this.
i bluntly didn't think this was possible. if i thought it was possible, i would have done it in the first place. much more of it become reconstructible than i thought, because i dumped most of the electronics to tape after all.
now that it is clear that this is possible, i can't not do it. i was able to salvage some of these a few years ago by equalizing the cd rips, but some of them were really beyond saving and absolutely had to be recreated. yet, i decided it was impossible and accepted what i had - mixes that i had ruined.
if i can fix it, all of that logic collapses and i have to actually do it. some of what exists right now just sounds awful on every level, but what do you do if you can't fix it? suppress it or release it? i thought it was better to release it. but, i don't have to make that choice anymore.
i should be able to fix the second record, too.
this is a huge update to my discography. it converts what were two semi-official recordings into two full-blown official releases. this is a happy occasion.
i'm going to be creative regarding how i mix the segues. i need some continuity, so i have to remaster them. but, i'm not holding to any specific historical truth.
so, these are the changes that are coming.
1) inri000-inri003 [96-97 demos] remain the same.
2) a sequence of singles (skaters, confused, hey god, schizoid terrorist, i did your mom, nope) is inserted that has various versions of each of these tracks. the singles will be the only sources of vocal versions for these tracks.
3) my first record, inri, is being completely resequenced. tracks will align with their final versions, which will be dramatic at points - such as the added sequencing for confused, or the full remix of the intersection. this will be entirely instrumental. the existing version will only be available on the aleph-0 disc.
4) there will be another sequence of singles over late 98 (eat my fuck, idiotic, suicide suite, boogeyman). this will again be the only source for vocal versions.
5) inriched will be resequenced and vocal versions will only be available on aleph-0. except "too cold", which i have no tapes for.
6) inrijected will likely see the vocal version of permission replaced, with the vocal version available only on the aleph disc.
7) inrimixed will likely fall back to it's previous incarnation, with the rest of it scattered across the discography - much of it on the actual records. the added section will be dropped as superfluous.
8) inriclaimed will specifically be a "straight from tape" project. or it may even be deleted!
the discography flips over after that.
so, if you want these existing mixes and don't want to pay $100 for an aleph-disc, get them in the next few days or hours because i'm happy to switch them out and will not put them back.
it is true that there are tracks i cannot reconstruct, but i don't really need to reconstruct any of them because they're instrumentals, anyways. so, i can create a reasonable replacement for this.
i bluntly didn't think this was possible. if i thought it was possible, i would have done it in the first place. much more of it become reconstructible than i thought, because i dumped most of the electronics to tape after all.
now that it is clear that this is possible, i can't not do it. i was able to salvage some of these a few years ago by equalizing the cd rips, but some of them were really beyond saving and absolutely had to be recreated. yet, i decided it was impossible and accepted what i had - mixes that i had ruined.
if i can fix it, all of that logic collapses and i have to actually do it. some of what exists right now just sounds awful on every level, but what do you do if you can't fix it? suppress it or release it? i thought it was better to release it. but, i don't have to make that choice anymore.
i should be able to fix the second record, too.
this is a huge update to my discography. it converts what were two semi-official recordings into two full-blown official releases. this is a happy occasion.
i'm going to be creative regarding how i mix the segues. i need some continuity, so i have to remaster them. but, i'm not holding to any specific historical truth.
so, these are the changes that are coming.
1) inri000-inri003 [96-97 demos] remain the same.
2) a sequence of singles (skaters, confused, hey god, schizoid terrorist, i did your mom, nope) is inserted that has various versions of each of these tracks. the singles will be the only sources of vocal versions for these tracks.
3) my first record, inri, is being completely resequenced. tracks will align with their final versions, which will be dramatic at points - such as the added sequencing for confused, or the full remix of the intersection. this will be entirely instrumental. the existing version will only be available on the aleph-0 disc.
4) there will be another sequence of singles over late 98 (eat my fuck, idiotic, suicide suite, boogeyman). this will again be the only source for vocal versions.
5) inriched will be resequenced and vocal versions will only be available on aleph-0. except "too cold", which i have no tapes for.
6) inrijected will likely see the vocal version of permission replaced, with the vocal version available only on the aleph disc.
7) inrimixed will likely fall back to it's previous incarnation, with the rest of it scattered across the discography - much of it on the actual records. the added section will be dropped as superfluous.
8) inriclaimed will specifically be a "straight from tape" project. or it may even be deleted!
the discography flips over after that.
so, if you want these existing mixes and don't want to pay $100 for an aleph-disc, get them in the next few days or hours because i'm happy to switch them out and will not put them back.
false completion on i did your mom (inri009)
if i was going to put up a slew of singles, i couldn't avoid this track. it is dated to mar 20, 1998 and is the new inri008. the format is the same as skaters: moving forwards from earliest to latest, and even has the exact same sequence.
half of me would like this track to take off in a new direction, while the other half wants it to die immediately. the blunt truth is that it "sounds done" to me; i don't hear anything i would like to add, despite it being a little sparse at points. it's ok to be sparse, sometimes.
so, it's done, and without any theatrics. that question has been resolved with an answer; the track is closed.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
half of me would like this track to take off in a new direction, while the other half wants it to die immediately. the blunt truth is that it "sounds done" to me; i don't hear anything i would like to add, despite it being a little sparse at points. it's ok to be sparse, sometimes.
so, it's done, and without any theatrics. that question has been resolved with an answer; the track is closed.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
publishing schizoid terrorist (inri014)
it looks like all of the singles are going to be a little different. this is the new inri007.
i'm also seriously considering rebuilding and replacing the two official records.
this is a double ep single; i've done this before. the idea is to separate newer mixes onto one ep, and older mixes onto the other. it's mostly a separation tactic.
the first ep is all 2015 mixes, whereas the second is a lineal movement from 1996 through to 1998.
i've also taken note of the fact that schizoid and terrorists were always tied together, and have merged them into a single track.
==
this single was created by running tracks 8, 9 and 10 on the cd together; it was never meant to be a unified track. 8 and 10 are proper tracks, whereas 9 is an experimental segue directly into 10. the process of compiling singles kind of accidentally led to this construction as a very natural combination and i'm now very content with it as the permanent home for both of these pieces.
these songs were both always musically driven, with kind of throwaway vocals that i don't really have any meaningful analysis for. neither of these tracks was ever conceptual or confessional or ever meant much to me on a personal level, so they don't have the kind of stories or explanations that the other tracks that were important to me do. i have not remixed the vocals into either of these songs; all of the tracks on the physical release are entirely instrumental. why bother releasing a single, then?
the reason is that i ended up with a number of mixes for both of them and just needed a place to house them. of course, that's not actually any kind of an interesting concept to build a single around. it was precisely because there was no retained concept underlying either of these tracks that the singles seemed pointless. but, once they were connected via the segue, the purpose of a single became readily apparent in that connection, itself.
the decision was sealed by a curious synchronicity in time. they were both originally written for the 1996 cassette demo, and separated there by a guitar/bass cover of "mellon collie and the infinite sadness". the entanglement is probably not entirely coincidental; i have a vague recollection of checking the tape to ensure i didn't forget any songs, and i may very well have repeated recording them in succession for that reason. however that happened to be, the synchronicity is a big part of what allowed me to create this ep the way that i've created it as it allowed me to label demo versions of the track with the same title.
while neither of these tracks have meaningful vocals, they are both important in my musical development. schizoid features my first multi-part string accompaniment and terrorists is a serious step forward in harmonic complexity. even the segue (titled "abusive") is something different: it's my first run at a 909 emulator, and a step out to lunch in abstract sound design.
so, as the last piece completed for my first record, this is somewhat of a portal to transit through, in terms of the developing complexity in my compositional abilities. but, it does not and never did have any worthwhile conceptual meaning to me. as such, there is no story to tell.
initially written in 1996. recreated mostly in feb, 1998 (schizoid, terrorists) but also partly in june, 1998 (abusive). sequenced in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. "terrorists" was reclaimed june 28-29, 2015 & remixed july 15, 2015. the main mix was corrected on nov 19, 2015. "schizoid" was reclaimed on july 12, 2015 & reprogrammed on dec 31, 2015. the main mix was corrected on jan 3, 2016 and remixed repeatedly jan 3-5, 2016. the lead track was sequenced on jan 5, 2016. released on jan 5, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, synths, drum kit, drum programming, sequencing, soundraider, hammerhead, cool edit synthesis, tapes, noises, found sounds, sound design, sampling, digital wave editing, production.
the rendered electronic orchestra includes organ, sitar, bells, violin, viola, cello, contrabass and synthesizer effects.
released june 16, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
1) single mix. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998 (terrorists, schizoid) and sequenced (with abusive) in jun, 1998. sequenced in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed over the summer of 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 19, 2015 (terrorists) and jan 3, 2016 (schizoid). reprogammed on dec 31, 2015 (schizoid). sequenced jan 5, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-terrorist
2) from inricycled. initially written and recorded in 1996. remastered & recycled in 2013. dec 11, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/alien-ship-caught-on-radar-causing-havoc-second-encounter
3) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed july 12, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on jan 3, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-2015-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
4) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on aug 11, 2015. corrected again on nov 19, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/terrorists-2015-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
5) updated electronic orchestra added to version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed july 12, 2015. reprogrammed and reconstructed on dec 31, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics and remixed as alternate on jan 3, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-total-2
6) bass blur removed from version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed july 12, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics and remixed as alternate on jan 3, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-clean
7) bass blur removed from total mix. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed july 12, 2015. reprogrammed and reconstructed on dec 31, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on jan 3, 2016. remixed as alternate on jan 5, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-totally-clean
8) this is an edit of the electronics only mix that fades the track in and out. originally written in 1996. recorded in feb, 1998. reclaimed june 28, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/terrorists-electronics-only-mix-cut
9) electronics only mix. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed july 12, 2015. reprogrammed and reconstructed on dec 31, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-electronics-only-mix
10) not from inricycled. rather, this is the unmodified (not remastered) ending section of the deleted original 1996 recording of terrorists. initially written and recorded in 1996. isolated in early 2016. jan 5, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/alien-ship-caught-on-radar-causing-havoc-initial-approach
11) from the deleted inricycled B compilation. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. remastered in late 2013. recycled jan 7, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/evil-jazz-decepticons-trash-a-bowie-srv-show-circa-1985-hidden
12) deleted original 1996 opening sequence of side B of the demo tape. initially written in 1996. the middle section is a combination hendrix/pumpkins cover.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-terrorist-original-1996-demo-mix-2
13) deleted sequence of tracks 8-10 on the original 1998 cd. initially written in 1996. recreated mostly in feb, 1998 (schizoid, terrorists) but also partly in june, 1998 (abusive). sequenced in this form in june, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-terrorist-original-1998-cd-mix-2
14) 2013 remaster of the original 1996 opening sequence of side B of the demo tape. initially written and recorded in 1996. the middle section is a combination hendrix/pumpkins cover. remastered in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-terrorist-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-mix-2
15) deleted 2013 remaster of the sequence of tracks 8-10 on the original 1998 cd. initially written in 1996. recreated mostly in feb, 1998 (schizoid, terrorists) but also partly in june, 1998 (abusive). sequenced in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-terrorist-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix-2
16) full electronics only mix. originally written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed june 28, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/terrorists-full-electronics-only-mix-2
i'm also seriously considering rebuilding and replacing the two official records.
this is a double ep single; i've done this before. the idea is to separate newer mixes onto one ep, and older mixes onto the other. it's mostly a separation tactic.
the first ep is all 2015 mixes, whereas the second is a lineal movement from 1996 through to 1998.
i've also taken note of the fact that schizoid and terrorists were always tied together, and have merged them into a single track.
==
this single was created by running tracks 8, 9 and 10 on the cd together; it was never meant to be a unified track. 8 and 10 are proper tracks, whereas 9 is an experimental segue directly into 10. the process of compiling singles kind of accidentally led to this construction as a very natural combination and i'm now very content with it as the permanent home for both of these pieces.
these songs were both always musically driven, with kind of throwaway vocals that i don't really have any meaningful analysis for. neither of these tracks was ever conceptual or confessional or ever meant much to me on a personal level, so they don't have the kind of stories or explanations that the other tracks that were important to me do. i have not remixed the vocals into either of these songs; all of the tracks on the physical release are entirely instrumental. why bother releasing a single, then?
the reason is that i ended up with a number of mixes for both of them and just needed a place to house them. of course, that's not actually any kind of an interesting concept to build a single around. it was precisely because there was no retained concept underlying either of these tracks that the singles seemed pointless. but, once they were connected via the segue, the purpose of a single became readily apparent in that connection, itself.
the decision was sealed by a curious synchronicity in time. they were both originally written for the 1996 cassette demo, and separated there by a guitar/bass cover of "mellon collie and the infinite sadness". the entanglement is probably not entirely coincidental; i have a vague recollection of checking the tape to ensure i didn't forget any songs, and i may very well have repeated recording them in succession for that reason. however that happened to be, the synchronicity is a big part of what allowed me to create this ep the way that i've created it as it allowed me to label demo versions of the track with the same title.
while neither of these tracks have meaningful vocals, they are both important in my musical development. schizoid features my first multi-part string accompaniment and terrorists is a serious step forward in harmonic complexity. even the segue (titled "abusive") is something different: it's my first run at a 909 emulator, and a step out to lunch in abstract sound design.
so, as the last piece completed for my first record, this is somewhat of a portal to transit through, in terms of the developing complexity in my compositional abilities. but, it does not and never did have any worthwhile conceptual meaning to me. as such, there is no story to tell.
initially written in 1996. recreated mostly in feb, 1998 (schizoid, terrorists) but also partly in june, 1998 (abusive). sequenced in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. "terrorists" was reclaimed june 28-29, 2015 & remixed july 15, 2015. the main mix was corrected on nov 19, 2015. "schizoid" was reclaimed on july 12, 2015 & reprogrammed on dec 31, 2015. the main mix was corrected on jan 3, 2016 and remixed repeatedly jan 3-5, 2016. the lead track was sequenced on jan 5, 2016. released on jan 5, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, synths, drum kit, drum programming, sequencing, soundraider, hammerhead, cool edit synthesis, tapes, noises, found sounds, sound design, sampling, digital wave editing, production.
the rendered electronic orchestra includes organ, sitar, bells, violin, viola, cello, contrabass and synthesizer effects.
released june 16, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
1) single mix. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998 (terrorists, schizoid) and sequenced (with abusive) in jun, 1998. sequenced in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed over the summer of 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on nov 19, 2015 (terrorists) and jan 3, 2016 (schizoid). reprogammed on dec 31, 2015 (schizoid). sequenced jan 5, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-terrorist
2) from inricycled. initially written and recorded in 1996. remastered & recycled in 2013. dec 11, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/alien-ship-caught-on-radar-causing-havoc-second-encounter
3) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed july 12, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on jan 3, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-2015-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
4) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on aug 11, 2015. corrected again on nov 19, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/terrorists-2015-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
5) updated electronic orchestra added to version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed july 12, 2015. reprogrammed and reconstructed on dec 31, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics and remixed as alternate on jan 3, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-total-2
6) bass blur removed from version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed july 12, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics and remixed as alternate on jan 3, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-clean
7) bass blur removed from total mix. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed july 12, 2015. reprogrammed and reconstructed on dec 31, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on jan 3, 2016. remixed as alternate on jan 5, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-totally-clean
8) this is an edit of the electronics only mix that fades the track in and out. originally written in 1996. recorded in feb, 1998. reclaimed june 28, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/terrorists-electronics-only-mix-cut
9) electronics only mix. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed july 12, 2015. reprogrammed and reconstructed on dec 31, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-electronics-only-mix
10) not from inricycled. rather, this is the unmodified (not remastered) ending section of the deleted original 1996 recording of terrorists. initially written and recorded in 1996. isolated in early 2016. jan 5, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/alien-ship-caught-on-radar-causing-havoc-initial-approach
11) from the deleted inricycled B compilation. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. remastered in late 2013. recycled jan 7, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/evil-jazz-decepticons-trash-a-bowie-srv-show-circa-1985-hidden
12) deleted original 1996 opening sequence of side B of the demo tape. initially written in 1996. the middle section is a combination hendrix/pumpkins cover.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-terrorist-original-1996-demo-mix-2
13) deleted sequence of tracks 8-10 on the original 1998 cd. initially written in 1996. recreated mostly in feb, 1998 (schizoid, terrorists) but also partly in june, 1998 (abusive). sequenced in this form in june, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-terrorist-original-1998-cd-mix-2
14) 2013 remaster of the original 1996 opening sequence of side B of the demo tape. initially written and recorded in 1996. the middle section is a combination hendrix/pumpkins cover. remastered in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-terrorist-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-mix-2
15) deleted 2013 remaster of the sequence of tracks 8-10 on the original 1998 cd. initially written in 1996. recreated mostly in feb, 1998 (schizoid, terrorists) but also partly in june, 1998 (abusive). sequenced in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid-terrorist-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix-2
16) full electronics only mix. originally written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. reclaimed june 28, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/terrorists-full-electronics-only-mix-2
Monday, January 4, 2016
04-01-2016: new revisionist single adds walk through & almost quitting smoking
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/permission-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/a-deleted-exercise-in-hipster-homophobia
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrimixed
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/skaters
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/hey-god-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/permission-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/a-deleted-exercise-in-hipster-homophobia
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrimixed
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/skaters
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/hey-god-2
publishing hey god (inri008)
i had to psych myself up a little to convince myself to release this. the date is feb 11, 1998 - it is the new inri006. but, i didn't release it until feb, 1999, because i realized, even at the time, that the vocals were embarrassing. there are a couple of tracks on inriched like that that i had to work myself up to get out and today sort of regret.
the thing about this track is that there's no reason to include the unmastered versions. sometimes, when you're remastering something it just comes down to personal taste. that was the case with skaters - and the mixes are consequently all pretty different. but, for this track, the initial mixes were just objectively bad, and can safely be just thrown away.
that means, i have five distinct versions - three new constructions, and two pretty different vocal versions. that's both enough variation to make the single worthwhile and not enough redundancy to really turn myself off the vocals. it just would have been painful to listen to the vocal track five times in a row.
the vocals are actually not at the front of the mix, and i was being a little self-conscious; how bad they are depends on how seriously you take them, and, even then, i didn't really intend for them to be taken particularly seriously.
the thing is that i want the three new versions available in one place. it only makes sense to include the vocal versions, too.
the next single is schizoid, and it will be a longer single.
==
my recollection of the initial recording of this track is unfortunately somewhat vague. when we push our memories like i'm trying to, we become more likely to imagine the past in terms that never actually existed. so, how real is this vague memory of wanting to hear some backwards guitars? i fear that it's perilous to try and force my mind to be more specific.
it's at least fully consistent with what i know about the situation. this was initially the second track recorded in my basement studio in the fall of 1996. so, i was still at the point where i was looking to try things in the studio for the first time. as for backwards guitars? i was very interested in both zappa and hendrix (two of my biggest guitar influences) at the time, and that is actually blatantly obvious if you listen to inri000. they both used backwards guitars. there are multiple occasions on inri000 (and afterwards...) where the nods to both of these players are beyond heavy-sleeved. so, my vague memory at the very least makes sense.
how i made the jump from trying to create a backwards guitar solo to turning a song into a palindrome is another question and i don't really have a good answer besides stumbling upon it as i was listening to it. clearly, it is the case that this struck me as a good idea at some point along the way.
when i went to recreate the track in early 1998, i felt the need to recreate the palindrome effect. so, i never saved any version of the track in forward order (without the backwards overdub) or released it in any kind of way. for all these years, there has simply never been a forwards version of the track.
the remastering process over 2015 has finally given me the opportunity to create a forwards version and spin it off as a single for the express reason of documenting the track as it was actually initially written, which was as a fairly straight forward alternative pop song. that's a description that i do believe is very old. yet, i may be imagining the past, too...
initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
regarding the subject matter of the deleted vocals/lyrics, please see the following vlog:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuhdwde1YKI&t=895s
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, digital wave editing, loops, vocals, drum kit, tapes, production
released february 11, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/hey-god-2
1) this is the track run forwards, without the backwards overdub, which is the main purpose of the single. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hey-god-straight-forwards
2) this is just the electronics in the track - which means the backwards version pasted over top of the forwards version. initially programmed in 1997. digitally modified in feb, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hey-god-electronics-only
3) initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hey-god-album-mix
4) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo cassette. initially written in 1996. remastered in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hey-god-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-mix-2
5) deleted 2013 remaster of the 1998 demo. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hey-god-2013-remaster-of-1998-demo
the thing about this track is that there's no reason to include the unmastered versions. sometimes, when you're remastering something it just comes down to personal taste. that was the case with skaters - and the mixes are consequently all pretty different. but, for this track, the initial mixes were just objectively bad, and can safely be just thrown away.
that means, i have five distinct versions - three new constructions, and two pretty different vocal versions. that's both enough variation to make the single worthwhile and not enough redundancy to really turn myself off the vocals. it just would have been painful to listen to the vocal track five times in a row.
the vocals are actually not at the front of the mix, and i was being a little self-conscious; how bad they are depends on how seriously you take them, and, even then, i didn't really intend for them to be taken particularly seriously.
the thing is that i want the three new versions available in one place. it only makes sense to include the vocal versions, too.
the next single is schizoid, and it will be a longer single.
==
my recollection of the initial recording of this track is unfortunately somewhat vague. when we push our memories like i'm trying to, we become more likely to imagine the past in terms that never actually existed. so, how real is this vague memory of wanting to hear some backwards guitars? i fear that it's perilous to try and force my mind to be more specific.
it's at least fully consistent with what i know about the situation. this was initially the second track recorded in my basement studio in the fall of 1996. so, i was still at the point where i was looking to try things in the studio for the first time. as for backwards guitars? i was very interested in both zappa and hendrix (two of my biggest guitar influences) at the time, and that is actually blatantly obvious if you listen to inri000. they both used backwards guitars. there are multiple occasions on inri000 (and afterwards...) where the nods to both of these players are beyond heavy-sleeved. so, my vague memory at the very least makes sense.
how i made the jump from trying to create a backwards guitar solo to turning a song into a palindrome is another question and i don't really have a good answer besides stumbling upon it as i was listening to it. clearly, it is the case that this struck me as a good idea at some point along the way.
when i went to recreate the track in early 1998, i felt the need to recreate the palindrome effect. so, i never saved any version of the track in forward order (without the backwards overdub) or released it in any kind of way. for all these years, there has simply never been a forwards version of the track.
the remastering process over 2015 has finally given me the opportunity to create a forwards version and spin it off as a single for the express reason of documenting the track as it was actually initially written, which was as a fairly straight forward alternative pop song. that's a description that i do believe is very old. yet, i may be imagining the past, too...
initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
regarding the subject matter of the deleted vocals/lyrics, please see the following vlog:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuhdwde1YKI&t=895s
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, digital wave editing, loops, vocals, drum kit, tapes, production
released february 11, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/hey-god-2
1) this is the track run forwards, without the backwards overdub, which is the main purpose of the single. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hey-god-straight-forwards
2) this is just the electronics in the track - which means the backwards version pasted over top of the forwards version. initially programmed in 1997. digitally modified in feb, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hey-god-electronics-only
3) initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hey-god-album-mix
4) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo cassette. initially written in 1996. remastered in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hey-god-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-mix-2
5) deleted 2013 remaster of the 1998 demo. initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/hey-god-2013-remaster-of-1998-demo
publishing confused (inri007)
this one is dated to feb 6, 1998 and so comes in as the new inri005.
this is the one and only track from this period that i remixed the vocals into, and this is the only place to get that version, besides the period disc. the vocal version is also a reinterpretation, with added sequencing. so, this track actually got the full treatment. as such, it's sequenced reverse chronologically, in a traditional lead single format.
==
so, how exactly does one go about being transgendered, anyways? i mean, like anything else, i guess you have to come to terms with it, first. then, what?
it was the "what next?" part that took me a very long time to grapple with before i was able to come to some kind of course of action. i don't remember exactly how old i was when i realized that i was more like a girl than a boy, but i will state that my thought process was always that i was like a girl, rather than that i was a girl. i have to be blunt: i was a precocious child. i understood the biology of sexual organs at a pretty young age. i knew which organ i had, that it was the same as the one my dad had and that it was different than my mom. i never felt as though i was in the wrong body - that's not how i'd articulate it. i knew i was male. but, all my friends were girls. i preferred to do "girl things". so, i realized at a very, very young age that i was more similar to the girls in my life than to the boys, despite being well aware that i was genetically a boy. it functioned more on the level of social inclusion and conscious choice of gender role than it did on the level of anything biological. am i really that atypical? i don't know. but, i know that i never had any difficulty at all, whatsoever, in separating between sex, gender and gender roles. so, for example: i have very early memories of asking my mom to let me wear lipstick, and of asking to get my ears pierced (3,4 years old) but i don't attach those memories to feelings of gender dysphoria. i didn't see any reason why boys couldn't wear make-up. further, nobody really "corrected" me on it. so, i grew up without any shame or second thoughts attached to being a boy that was more like a girl, and consequently without any particularly strong urges to become a girl. my very early life actually finds it's best explanation in the theories of radical feminism: because the gender binary was never enforced on me, i never felt oppressed by it. i have to argue for a very healthy early upbringing.
what screwed me up and set me back a good ten years was the school system. when i got there at the age of four and a half, i wouldn't talk to the boys. i wanted to skip rope and play hopscotch with the girls. well, all my friends were girls. i didn't know how to play with the boys. what's a marble? i just didn't know. i got stuck with a fossil of a kindergarten teacher that actually flat out banned me from skipping rope. worse, she banned me from reading books. my absolutely docile and clinically rational temperament at that age probably worked against me. but, i had two choices: i could play with the trucks with the boys in the corner or i could go to sleep.
in fact, i slept a lot.
but, gradually, the system socialized me as a male. or, at least it seemed like it did.
my path through elementary school didn't really ease up on the gender segregation until the seventh grade, at which point it was essentially too late. the system had successfully prevented me from socializing with girls, but had never taught me how to socialize with boys. so, i had spent the last twelve years of school in social isolation, usually without any friends at all. i'd lost the opportunity to have all the gendered experiences one associates with childhood - which means i was deeply socially stunted. i was still pretty smart, academically speaking. however, i was operating at the social level of a much younger child because the school system had arrested my social development through segregating me into a gender role that i didn't understand how to fulfil.
by the time i got around to writing this song at the age of 16, i'd just become entirely stoic about the whole thing. i knew i was more like a girl, but what exactly was i going to do about it? i guess i had the perspective, at 16, that life was largely about managing misfortune and you just have to deal with shit, whether you like it or not.
rational? perhaps, from a certain perspective. it gnawed at me, though. the trauma underlying the track was the realization that i was a good part of the way through puberty, without ever having signed up for it. this was by no means unexpected, either, and i didn't ultimately feel that i had any recourse of action in preventing it. but, i felt like i'd been cheated out of something and was being forced into something i didn't remotely want.
as with the rest of the early tracks, the lyrics here are at their core the exploration of a morbid fantasy. i'm taking things too far, i'm taking any excuse i can to keep taking things too far and i'm enjoying watching you squirm when i do it. in one sense, it's a sarcastic allegory on the question of thinking with one's cock, which is a bio-chemical problem that all testosterone producers are forced to come to terms with at some point. in another sense, it's a transgendered teenager carrying out a sort of morbid fantasy and desperately looking for a way to prevent the masculinization of my body.
it took me another five years or so of internal struggle before i could get to the point where i saw hormone therapy as a realistic option, rather than a kind of utopian fantasy that would be perpetually out of reach until i finally expired.
this is the only period 1 piece that was further expanded through the addition of some bass and piano sequencing near the start of the piece. the vocals were also brought back in without redaction. so, this ep starts off with a full reconstruction of the piece, intended as a lead for this single. the ep further comprehensively documents all other released versions of the track.
initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, synthesizers, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released february 6, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
1) this is a new construction of the track, with added sequencing and vocals. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. vocals and electronics added on july 16, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-2
2) this is the instrumental reconstruction. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-instrumental
3) this removes the guitars (and bass...) from the instrumental version. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. deconstructed on on july 16, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-electronics-only
4) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-2015-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
6) 2013 remaster of 1997 demo cassette. initially written in 1997. remastered in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-2013-remaster-of-1997-demo-mix
7) 1998 cd mix. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998.
8) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-1998-archive-2
9) deleted original 1997 mix. initially written in 1997.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-original-1997-mix-2
this is the one and only track from this period that i remixed the vocals into, and this is the only place to get that version, besides the period disc. the vocal version is also a reinterpretation, with added sequencing. so, this track actually got the full treatment. as such, it's sequenced reverse chronologically, in a traditional lead single format.
==
so, how exactly does one go about being transgendered, anyways? i mean, like anything else, i guess you have to come to terms with it, first. then, what?
it was the "what next?" part that took me a very long time to grapple with before i was able to come to some kind of course of action. i don't remember exactly how old i was when i realized that i was more like a girl than a boy, but i will state that my thought process was always that i was like a girl, rather than that i was a girl. i have to be blunt: i was a precocious child. i understood the biology of sexual organs at a pretty young age. i knew which organ i had, that it was the same as the one my dad had and that it was different than my mom. i never felt as though i was in the wrong body - that's not how i'd articulate it. i knew i was male. but, all my friends were girls. i preferred to do "girl things". so, i realized at a very, very young age that i was more similar to the girls in my life than to the boys, despite being well aware that i was genetically a boy. it functioned more on the level of social inclusion and conscious choice of gender role than it did on the level of anything biological. am i really that atypical? i don't know. but, i know that i never had any difficulty at all, whatsoever, in separating between sex, gender and gender roles. so, for example: i have very early memories of asking my mom to let me wear lipstick, and of asking to get my ears pierced (3,4 years old) but i don't attach those memories to feelings of gender dysphoria. i didn't see any reason why boys couldn't wear make-up. further, nobody really "corrected" me on it. so, i grew up without any shame or second thoughts attached to being a boy that was more like a girl, and consequently without any particularly strong urges to become a girl. my very early life actually finds it's best explanation in the theories of radical feminism: because the gender binary was never enforced on me, i never felt oppressed by it. i have to argue for a very healthy early upbringing.
what screwed me up and set me back a good ten years was the school system. when i got there at the age of four and a half, i wouldn't talk to the boys. i wanted to skip rope and play hopscotch with the girls. well, all my friends were girls. i didn't know how to play with the boys. what's a marble? i just didn't know. i got stuck with a fossil of a kindergarten teacher that actually flat out banned me from skipping rope. worse, she banned me from reading books. my absolutely docile and clinically rational temperament at that age probably worked against me. but, i had two choices: i could play with the trucks with the boys in the corner or i could go to sleep.
in fact, i slept a lot.
but, gradually, the system socialized me as a male. or, at least it seemed like it did.
my path through elementary school didn't really ease up on the gender segregation until the seventh grade, at which point it was essentially too late. the system had successfully prevented me from socializing with girls, but had never taught me how to socialize with boys. so, i had spent the last twelve years of school in social isolation, usually without any friends at all. i'd lost the opportunity to have all the gendered experiences one associates with childhood - which means i was deeply socially stunted. i was still pretty smart, academically speaking. however, i was operating at the social level of a much younger child because the school system had arrested my social development through segregating me into a gender role that i didn't understand how to fulfil.
by the time i got around to writing this song at the age of 16, i'd just become entirely stoic about the whole thing. i knew i was more like a girl, but what exactly was i going to do about it? i guess i had the perspective, at 16, that life was largely about managing misfortune and you just have to deal with shit, whether you like it or not.
rational? perhaps, from a certain perspective. it gnawed at me, though. the trauma underlying the track was the realization that i was a good part of the way through puberty, without ever having signed up for it. this was by no means unexpected, either, and i didn't ultimately feel that i had any recourse of action in preventing it. but, i felt like i'd been cheated out of something and was being forced into something i didn't remotely want.
as with the rest of the early tracks, the lyrics here are at their core the exploration of a morbid fantasy. i'm taking things too far, i'm taking any excuse i can to keep taking things too far and i'm enjoying watching you squirm when i do it. in one sense, it's a sarcastic allegory on the question of thinking with one's cock, which is a bio-chemical problem that all testosterone producers are forced to come to terms with at some point. in another sense, it's a transgendered teenager carrying out a sort of morbid fantasy and desperately looking for a way to prevent the masculinization of my body.
it took me another five years or so of internal struggle before i could get to the point where i saw hormone therapy as a realistic option, rather than a kind of utopian fantasy that would be perpetually out of reach until i finally expired.
this is the only period 1 piece that was further expanded through the addition of some bass and piano sequencing near the start of the piece. the vocals were also brought back in without redaction. so, this ep starts off with a full reconstruction of the piece, intended as a lead for this single. the ep further comprehensively documents all other released versions of the track.
initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, synthesizers, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released february 6, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
1) this is a new construction of the track, with added sequencing and vocals. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. vocals and electronics added on july 16, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-2
2) this is the instrumental reconstruction. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-instrumental
3) this removes the guitars (and bass...) from the instrumental version. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. deconstructed on on july 16, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-electronics-only
4) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-2015-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
6) 2013 remaster of 1997 demo cassette. initially written in 1997. remastered in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-2013-remaster-of-1997-demo-mix
7) 1998 cd mix. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998.
8) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix. initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-1998-archive-2
9) deleted original 1997 mix. initially written in 1997.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused-original-1997-mix-2
publishing skaters (inri005)
i'm dating this to jan, 1998 and labeling it inri004, indicating a need to shift the rest of the discography forwards. there will be several singles placed over 1998, which fixes a bit of a representation problem - there were previously only two releases (the previous inri004 and inri005) for the entirety of 1998, despite quite a lot of material stemming from that year.
the idea of this single is to trace the development of the track, and i think this is sort of interesting in itself as the track begins as a fairly organic sounding demo in 1997 and ends as an electronic soundscape in 2015.
will there be more versions? stay tuned!
in all honesty, probably not - although if i ever end up transcribing it, all bets are off.
==
this is maybe a little hard to understand, if you weren't a teenager in a very specific period - about '91-'99, the 90s i guess, when the nu metal shift "corrected" things and tough guys went backing to being metalheads.
that period overlaps with a period when punk fashion moved from subculture to dominant culture. as with any other failed social revolution, the period is more defined by certain subculture traits being co-opted than it was by any meaningful change in social attitudes, even if it did correspond with a move towards liberalizing social attitudes in the older members of gen x.
i remember playing this for my aunt, who was a teenager in the 80s, and she was just confused by it. in her day, the skaters were the skinny punk kids that got picked on by the meathead jock metal heads. as mentioned, i think people that were teenagers in the 00s may more readily associate with this as well.
but the 90s were weird in this sense. skater culture in the 90s was defined by a sort of thuggish machismo gang mentality that overlapped more into gangster rap than punk rock. what you had where i grew up was a lot of upper middle class white kids skating because it was advertised to them as the "cool thing to do" and in the process co-opting this sort of survivalist 'hood mentality into a tool of oppression that they used to bully and intimidate the kids that, a decade before, would have identified as skateboarders. those kids may have maintained an interest in punk rock, but weren't generally accepted into the skater clique - which was essentially the "in group".
the culmination may seem a little surreal nowadays, if for no other reason than that it's been forgotten. but i remember sneaking through back alleys, evading skateboarding gangs made up of kids into slayer, while i had socal punk music blasting through my headphones. and i'm sure you'll get similar stories if you ask around - or maybe you were also that kid.
on one hand, this track was constructed to be sort of precious, and i think that it is. it's a pretty catchy pop song, really. on the other hand, i think i was trying to be a bit tougher than i actually was. i wasn't one to back down from confrontation - i'm still not. while i think it's true that i could have taken most of these brats one-on-one, i probably would have mostly chosen not to. see, the fear was always more that they'd convert the boards into weapons and then jump you. in canada, guns aren't much of a concern, but knives are.
...and the fear often came out of trivial reasons. talking with somebody's girlfriend. having a pair of headphones or a pair of shoes that might be worth something. basic thug shit.
in hindsight, the analysis here is a little simplistic. suggesting that these kids are going to grow up into pimps is problematic on numerous levels, although i can state with blunt honesty that a number of the people the song was about have grown up to be petty criminals with lengthy criminal records. i have to own that lack of depth and how it comes out in sometimes less than ideal statements, but i'm going to once again blame that on my age.
overall, i like this track on both a musical and thematic level. i just wish i had articulated myself a little bit better.
--
there was a specific story that influenced the track. when i was in the ninth grade, one of these skater bro types took it upon himself to start body-checking me into lockers. it was well understood that this person was older, but that just gave him more clout in the school's skater clique; he knew the older kids that they looked up to. i was never certain if he was on his second or third try at grade 9.
this wasn't the first time somebody had tried to get physical with me, but it was an escalation that i couldn't really tolerate. people flicking my ears was an annoyance, and especially so when it was a game, but it's the kind of thing one withstands. these were full on, run-at-me body checks that seemed to be designed with intent to harm.
i actually tried a few different tactics before i reacted. i tried sitting behind in class until he left, but it was visibly starting to make the female teacher uncomfortable that i was just sitting around waiting after class - and perhaps not unreasonably so. as for bringing it up with the teacher? well, this guy went out of his way to look for a teacher watching before he took a run. i couldn't be followed around by a teacher all day. i had to react on my own.
so, i tricked him into running at my open leg, which had him fall face first into the locker. he did not see the retribution in the act; he got up looking for a fight. as i was walking toward the exit, which was a staircase downwards, he took another run at me - which i dodged. that was an adrenaline filled movement, i tell you - he was full of stupid, hot rage and sidestepped like an angry bull. but, i still had to time it. there was no escape. he ended up falling down several flights of stairs and breaking his leg. consider what would have happened if i hadn't moved - even considering that i may have helped him lose his balance, a little.
from that point onwards, i lived in fear of being swarmed. rumours were floating around that i'd better stay away from certain people - which was a broadcast to me to stay low. i got the message, and spent the next several years sneaking around back passageways in and out of the school. i learned where the cuts in the fences were, how to detour across floor levels to follow the crowd, how to time the bus (we had public transit passes - and that fact alone probably spared me broken bones) to come in to class during the national anthem and other various scheduling and transiting tactics to avoid being alone at critical junctures. and, then i started to enjoy living that way, too.
i don't think that student came back the next year, so i'm not sure if he ever finished grade 9. but, part of the reason i'm telling you this story is that it helps paint a clearer demographic picture of the narrative that i'm presenting. if you remove the "skater" designation, this could be a story about gangs in schools that could be applied equally well across any other grouping. it just happened to be that the gangs at my school were populated by white skater kids, some from the welfare projects and others comfortably middle class. that might help to explain what some might see as a difficult reference point.
--
i've presented this track in chronological ordering because i wanted to tell the story of the track itself. looking through my releases, it may be difficult to tell what is an ep from what is a single, and what is an ep from what is a record. this is an ep, and not a single. it's an ep because it's a conceptual ordering of the tracks, rather than just an exploration of a single incarnation of a specific track.
i don't deny that the lyrics are painful. and, wasn't i supposed to be getting rid of painful vocals? well, perhaps. but, note that no vocal takes of this track make it on to any of the abum-format presentations of it, excepting inricycled. the vocals are tied into the concept of the ep, which is a narration of the song as it developed.
so, chronological ordering is the only rational way to present the tracks. further, a comprehensive exploration of the track's development actually becomes necessary, in order to narrate it's entire development.
i'm not going to take this approach to every single. i just think that this track had to be preserved in this kind of way.
--
initially written in 1997. recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocal noises, vocals, samples, digital wave editing, production
released january 12, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/skaters
1) deleted original 1997 mix. april 5, 1997.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-original-1997-mix
2) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from a 112 kbps mp3. jan 12, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-1998-archived-112-kbps-mp3
3) 1998 cd mix. resequenced in june, 1998.
4) 2013 remaster of 1997 demo cassette. initially written in 1997. remastered in nov, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-2013-remaster-of-1997-demo-mix
5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in dec, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
6) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. recreated in jan, 1998. reclaimed july 1, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-2015-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
7) electronics only 2015 remix. recreated in jan, 1998. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-2015-electronics-only-mix
the idea of this single is to trace the development of the track, and i think this is sort of interesting in itself as the track begins as a fairly organic sounding demo in 1997 and ends as an electronic soundscape in 2015.
will there be more versions? stay tuned!
in all honesty, probably not - although if i ever end up transcribing it, all bets are off.
==
this is maybe a little hard to understand, if you weren't a teenager in a very specific period - about '91-'99, the 90s i guess, when the nu metal shift "corrected" things and tough guys went backing to being metalheads.
that period overlaps with a period when punk fashion moved from subculture to dominant culture. as with any other failed social revolution, the period is more defined by certain subculture traits being co-opted than it was by any meaningful change in social attitudes, even if it did correspond with a move towards liberalizing social attitudes in the older members of gen x.
i remember playing this for my aunt, who was a teenager in the 80s, and she was just confused by it. in her day, the skaters were the skinny punk kids that got picked on by the meathead jock metal heads. as mentioned, i think people that were teenagers in the 00s may more readily associate with this as well.
but the 90s were weird in this sense. skater culture in the 90s was defined by a sort of thuggish machismo gang mentality that overlapped more into gangster rap than punk rock. what you had where i grew up was a lot of upper middle class white kids skating because it was advertised to them as the "cool thing to do" and in the process co-opting this sort of survivalist 'hood mentality into a tool of oppression that they used to bully and intimidate the kids that, a decade before, would have identified as skateboarders. those kids may have maintained an interest in punk rock, but weren't generally accepted into the skater clique - which was essentially the "in group".
the culmination may seem a little surreal nowadays, if for no other reason than that it's been forgotten. but i remember sneaking through back alleys, evading skateboarding gangs made up of kids into slayer, while i had socal punk music blasting through my headphones. and i'm sure you'll get similar stories if you ask around - or maybe you were also that kid.
on one hand, this track was constructed to be sort of precious, and i think that it is. it's a pretty catchy pop song, really. on the other hand, i think i was trying to be a bit tougher than i actually was. i wasn't one to back down from confrontation - i'm still not. while i think it's true that i could have taken most of these brats one-on-one, i probably would have mostly chosen not to. see, the fear was always more that they'd convert the boards into weapons and then jump you. in canada, guns aren't much of a concern, but knives are.
...and the fear often came out of trivial reasons. talking with somebody's girlfriend. having a pair of headphones or a pair of shoes that might be worth something. basic thug shit.
in hindsight, the analysis here is a little simplistic. suggesting that these kids are going to grow up into pimps is problematic on numerous levels, although i can state with blunt honesty that a number of the people the song was about have grown up to be petty criminals with lengthy criminal records. i have to own that lack of depth and how it comes out in sometimes less than ideal statements, but i'm going to once again blame that on my age.
overall, i like this track on both a musical and thematic level. i just wish i had articulated myself a little bit better.
--
there was a specific story that influenced the track. when i was in the ninth grade, one of these skater bro types took it upon himself to start body-checking me into lockers. it was well understood that this person was older, but that just gave him more clout in the school's skater clique; he knew the older kids that they looked up to. i was never certain if he was on his second or third try at grade 9.
this wasn't the first time somebody had tried to get physical with me, but it was an escalation that i couldn't really tolerate. people flicking my ears was an annoyance, and especially so when it was a game, but it's the kind of thing one withstands. these were full on, run-at-me body checks that seemed to be designed with intent to harm.
i actually tried a few different tactics before i reacted. i tried sitting behind in class until he left, but it was visibly starting to make the female teacher uncomfortable that i was just sitting around waiting after class - and perhaps not unreasonably so. as for bringing it up with the teacher? well, this guy went out of his way to look for a teacher watching before he took a run. i couldn't be followed around by a teacher all day. i had to react on my own.
so, i tricked him into running at my open leg, which had him fall face first into the locker. he did not see the retribution in the act; he got up looking for a fight. as i was walking toward the exit, which was a staircase downwards, he took another run at me - which i dodged. that was an adrenaline filled movement, i tell you - he was full of stupid, hot rage and sidestepped like an angry bull. but, i still had to time it. there was no escape. he ended up falling down several flights of stairs and breaking his leg. consider what would have happened if i hadn't moved - even considering that i may have helped him lose his balance, a little.
from that point onwards, i lived in fear of being swarmed. rumours were floating around that i'd better stay away from certain people - which was a broadcast to me to stay low. i got the message, and spent the next several years sneaking around back passageways in and out of the school. i learned where the cuts in the fences were, how to detour across floor levels to follow the crowd, how to time the bus (we had public transit passes - and that fact alone probably spared me broken bones) to come in to class during the national anthem and other various scheduling and transiting tactics to avoid being alone at critical junctures. and, then i started to enjoy living that way, too.
i don't think that student came back the next year, so i'm not sure if he ever finished grade 9. but, part of the reason i'm telling you this story is that it helps paint a clearer demographic picture of the narrative that i'm presenting. if you remove the "skater" designation, this could be a story about gangs in schools that could be applied equally well across any other grouping. it just happened to be that the gangs at my school were populated by white skater kids, some from the welfare projects and others comfortably middle class. that might help to explain what some might see as a difficult reference point.
--
i've presented this track in chronological ordering because i wanted to tell the story of the track itself. looking through my releases, it may be difficult to tell what is an ep from what is a single, and what is an ep from what is a record. this is an ep, and not a single. it's an ep because it's a conceptual ordering of the tracks, rather than just an exploration of a single incarnation of a specific track.
i don't deny that the lyrics are painful. and, wasn't i supposed to be getting rid of painful vocals? well, perhaps. but, note that no vocal takes of this track make it on to any of the abum-format presentations of it, excepting inricycled. the vocals are tied into the concept of the ep, which is a narration of the song as it developed.
so, chronological ordering is the only rational way to present the tracks. further, a comprehensive exploration of the track's development actually becomes necessary, in order to narrate it's entire development.
i'm not going to take this approach to every single. i just think that this track had to be preserved in this kind of way.
--
initially written in 1997. recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocal noises, vocals, samples, digital wave editing, production
released january 12, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/skaters
1) deleted original 1997 mix. april 5, 1997.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-original-1997-mix
2) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from a 112 kbps mp3. jan 12, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-1998-archived-112-kbps-mp3
3) 1998 cd mix. resequenced in june, 1998.
4) 2013 remaster of 1997 demo cassette. initially written in 1997. remastered in nov, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-2013-remaster-of-1997-demo-mix
5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in dec, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
6) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. recreated in jan, 1998. reclaimed july 1, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-2015-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
7) electronics only 2015 remix. recreated in jan, 1998. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/skaters-2015-electronics-only-mix
i also may just leave inrimixed as it was and convert inriclaimed into a double record. that's what i'm leaning towards most strongly right now. i still have some tracks to work through before i make that final choice.
the next thing up for consideration is 'skaters', and there's a decent chance it will come up. the vocals leave much to be desired, but i think the mix is at least decent. and, there's also an early demo mix, so i have four distinct versions. the mix for the 1998 versions of fuck the dead were just not good enough to make a single worthwhile - i really ruined that somehow, i think by running a bass boost after heavy mp3 compression. like, i really demoed those files thinking i was "compressing" them...
the next thing up for consideration is 'skaters', and there's a decent chance it will come up. the vocals leave much to be desired, but i think the mix is at least decent. and, there's also an early demo mix, so i have four distinct versions. the mix for the 1998 versions of fuck the dead were just not good enough to make a single worthwhile - i really ruined that somehow, i think by running a bass boost after heavy mp3 compression. like, i really demoed those files thinking i was "compressing" them...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)