not quite.

...what day is it?

i think i'm out of the haze and ready to finish troubleshooting.

so, after caving into various self-rationalizations over the first half of september, i've been de-nicing the last few days and have every intention to stick with it this time. i've said that for a long time. but, i've got my income stable for the next five years, i'm no longer in a hurry to do much of anything and i'm very much intent on getting over this. i had a little heatstroke when i got back on tuesday night and have been sleeping that off as well, but i think i'm alert enough now to at least try and get the machine back up.

i turned it off tuesday morning right before the script runs. i'm going to want to make sure i can get the firewire drivers correctly working before i run the script.

i didn't get my forms on tuesday. it turns out that the psychiatrist has to fill them out, and i'll have to wait until monday. nor does it seem as though the nurse practitioner is going to carry through with my prescriptions. he claims he'll work as a go between if i can find an endocrinologist, but he won't work with the guy from london because he claims he's unprofessional, which i think is a cop out - i think it's a religious thing, again. he said he put out a referral, but i'm kind of sketchy on it. i'm not convinced it's even a real person. but we'll find out. if i don't have an answer by monday, i'm going to have to get in contact with the guy in london.

i can't think of any reason why i should need to actually go to london and physically speak with him. i'm just asking for a refill of something i've been on for years and will be on for the rest of my life. it should be a five minute conversation, and it's not really necessary. and, if he insists on a blood test or something, i don't see any reason why i can't just get the blood test here and have the results sent to him.

the ideal remains trying to get the guy in windsor to see me because then i can indulge whatever silliness he wants at essentially no cost to me.

i'll find out these things in a few days.

and i think i should have the machine up in a few hours, even if i need to spend a few more days sleeping to finish the detox.

yeah, i think it's partly related to the operating system's firewire driver, strangely enough. at the least, this seems to be *one*of the things - and it's pretty pronounced. it seems to be reversing the compressed sound that i was associating with kmixer sample rate conversion and giving it back it's fullness. but, it's still fading...

i ended up breaking the audio in the machine pretty badly before i got there (i wanted to completely isolate the asio, so i did crazy things like delete the windows audio service, purge the registry of all mentions to all drivers, delete the system audio files, etc), so i'm going to have to reinstall again. like, i can't get it to pick up the directsound out on the m-audio card - which is what i wanted to isolate the asio, but now i need it back. so, i just don't really have a clean system to test with. the fading had stopped before i busted it, so i want to get back to where i was, do the firewire reinstall and see what happens.

it's been the same thing almost every day for weeks now. months, even.

i find some fix. it seems like it worked. i go to sleep. i wake up and it's back to where it was.

i dunno. am i playing tricks on myself? the truth is everything is nulling, so i'm not looking for changes in the actual waveform, i'm looking for changes in playback. is it possible that i'm getting used to the sound every night, only to have to start again the next day? are my headphones or my amp warming up overnight, then cooling down?

this morning's apparent fix was deleting the operating system's firewire drivers and replacing them with drivers from a firewire card i have in the other machine. it sort of makes sense relative to the weird tone issues, insofar as it seems bandwidth related. i'm taking guesses. i've been taking guesses for a while.

and, like so many of these steps, it seems vaguely familiar.

we'll see tomorrow if it's the same thing yet again, or if it's actually a meaningful fix, this time.

is it even the coffee?

there's a little box called "direct monitoring" in the cubase vst panel. unclicking this seems to have FINALLY broken through the sample rate issue and given me the sound i remember. that means i'm going to have to go back over this one more time. but it seems to be the answer i've been trying to figure out.

i'm not entirely clear on what this does. it appears to be related to whether i can hear files coming in from the mixer or not. if i was running an input driver all the time, i may have screwed up the output driver. i dunno, that's a guess.

but, i'm feeling good about this. now, though, is sleep...

if i go back to this feeling i was having that i was being eavesdropped on, it kind of adds up. it's probably obvious that i have unusually sensitive ears. the direct monitoring takes the input from the mixer and sends it to the output. just the bandwidth could have been bothering me.

there's been nothing attached to the input the whole time, of course - i've been mixing old four track parts. so, if that's what it was, it's, like, a virtual ground loop on the signal.

false update on just say no to mood altering prescription drugs

this has been updated.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/just-say-no-to-mood-altering-prescription-drugs
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope

on second thought, i slept a little later than i planned and i'm not going to be able to hit the show unless i decide not to eat, which i'm not keen on. and, i'm not really up for sitting in that ice cream shop overnight; it's going to be relatively cold. cold snap had to hit tonight, huh? i was a big sonic youth fan years ago, and i'd certainly go if it was across the street but i'm really more focused on what i'm doing...

so, i'm staying in tonight.

i think the mix for nine is done; i was actually fighting with the drivers again last night, as it's fading again. i made the error of accidentally uninstalling the underlying windows drivers, and it seems to have screwed up the asio. i'm going to try to avoid reinstalling, but i may have to. now that i've got asio connected directly to foobar, i have tested it with the windows driver completely uninstalled and it does seem to be stable - lthough i'd like to be able to bring these back in. for now, it seems like i can get the drivers to stay put for a while before i have to reinstall them....it's workable, but i'm still tinkering because i'm still not clear exactly what is causing it to randomly resample...

i think 09 should be up pretty soon.

that was trivial to fix, actually. and i even remember...

at some point, i brought in the original 1998 mix to do a compare, which meant i had to take the effect off the master (otherwise it would run through the effect) and set the rest of the tracks up to their own fader. i seem to have never put the effect back. i must have accidentally saved this, then forgot about it. those vague memories, right?

putting the effect back on the master got me back where i want to be. i will need to replace this file.

track 09 is just sounding funny one way or the other; i remember it having a nice compressed punch, and instead it's sounding very digital. i dunno.

but, i hope to get a bit done tonight.

i'm going to hit thurston moore tomorrow night, and use it as sort of a head clearing. i got almost nothing done this summer, which is disappointing. and, i have what is hopefully my last appointment for a while on tuesday. so, hopefully, i can get this past me and start refocusing on wednesday.

expect sporadic uploads over the next few days; hopefully, i can be almost done cleaning this up by wednesday.

i just got an email...

i want to be clear.

i will never, ever, ever press anything on vinyl. you could say i'm boycotting the technology.

there's two reasons:

1) it's terrible, obsolete, shitty sounding technology that should be rounded up and bunker bombed.
2) i record everything using digital technology. even if you want to pull some wrong argument out of your ass about "tape saturation" or something, transferring material that is recorded over digital technology at a relatively low bit rate on to vinyl can never have any possible result but sound degradation.

i will not degrade the sound quality. i will not sell you garbage. i will not press vinyl.

if you want a crappy sounding but nice looking commodity, you'll have to look elsewhere.

vinyl sounds like shit.

it's never happening.

obligatory "influential on the featured track" post.

i suppose, in hindsight, that this is the beginning of the radiohead that most people know, isn't it? at the time, it was just dark. i've never been able to find a mix that sounds like i remember first hearing it, with a really pounding bottom end. it might have been a bad realaudio encoding that muddied up the bottom. you don't want to know what realaudio is, if you don't know. but, it came out as the weirdest funk i'd ever heard - because it was both dirty and reflecting; it was like shaking your booty on the floor and hiding and crying in the corner at the same time. but, all in your head. of course.

(relevant tracks: thug culture is enforced by the media from the top down)

obligatory "influential on the featured track" post.

i just remember dark rides on the bus; stuff passing by outside the windows, humans i couldn't care less about all around me and wishing they'd just go away (although i should have been trying to communicate with them), self-consumed introverted thoughts that i have no recollection of...

it's the harmonies. through a good pair of headphones, and sufficiently disconnected from the things around you, it's a lift-off. a little cliched, if you demand to over-analyze it. but it's incredibly effective.

(relevant tracks: thug culture is enforced by the media from the top down.)

not updating i still don’t fully understand this

so, i've convinced myself that the version of this that is already uploaded is superior to anything i could reset with the eqs, and that i probably initially outed it post-save in the first place.

i know i re-opened it and re-rendered on the 12th of july, but i think i even vaguely recall that the file nulled, but i replaced it anyways thinking the initial was corrupted in metadata or something. this was when i didn't yet realize the cards were misbehaving...

this needs to be blared at almost dangerous levels to get the effect of it. that's generally true - it's all headphone music. but, it's especially true with this. the layers of distortion need to cascade at high volume; at low volumes, it's going to sound compressed.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-still-dont-fully-understand-this

switching to skaters in the alter-reality

alter-reality update tonight at midnight.

i'm certain that my computer is working again. i've worked my way back to where i was when i left off, and am playing with options on the 8th track for inriclaimed. it's passing an a/b with a full reset of the eq settings, but not passing an a/b with more subtle changes. and, i'm feeling the bass is not defined enough on either, so i'm essentially remixing it. i should have some uploads before the next sleep.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9L98As4DjE

aha!

if you go to device manager, right click on the driver, select properties, and then select the properties tab there is an option to disable the mixer for each device. this appears to have stopped all windows fuckery and given me a clean stream through directsound. it has the strange effect of no longer launching sndvol32, and claiming i have no audio devices installed when i launch mmsys.cpl. but, that's a minor annoyance if it's giving me a clean stream. and, it's actually also uninstalled the wdm device from the device manager altogether.

i've got it set up to play through asio now, and i don't see any value in disabling it. but, it's useful to have the reference of checking to see what it sounds like through a clean directsound out.

i vaguely recall doing this, and vaguely recalling undoing it to access the midi out on the soundblaster. it's the only thing i've done so far that seems to actually turn off the windows interference.

the closer it gets, the further it remains...

but, i've found a workaround. the problem is now solved. i will be cleaning up this morning and back at it tomorrow, after groceries.

i've been operating under the assumption that there's a solution. the truth is that i can't state with any certainty that all of it ever sounded right through foobar at the same time. i was always mixing through cubase. there were always subtle differences. when i get one track to sound better through the kmixer, another sounds worse.

it kind of struck me this morning that even if i can get an ideal answer, it's not worth any more time - because this is just a playback issue. playback is very important, of course, for sequencing - and for what i'm doing right now. but, i've kind of spun myself around in a hole - i'm fixing the playback to get on to the task at hand, but it's only the task at hand because it was broken in the first place.

so, what i've done instead is upgrade foobar so that i can use the asio plugin. playback is now over asio, completely bypassing the kmixer and any resampling it was doing.

again: it's not that the results were terrible across the board. i kept saying it felt like i was close, but it was just not quite right. some of the tracks were sounding absolutely perfectly - others were sounding flat. fixing the buffer size, or unlocking the sampling rate on the device, or 100 other things would fix one song and break another. and, so i just can't be certain there is an across the board answer. and am really leaning to the idea that there isn't. that is, if i want the tracks to sound as they were mixed, i may have to switch buffer sizes mid-record, or some other crazy thing. i may be partly at fault for not standardizing things, but as i mentioned in the last post, it shouldn't be happening anyways; i think i'm trying to create something that never existed, and am exposing the flows in the windows sound architecture in the process.

moving to asio just throws the whole problem out the window. i get everything i want. it's technically superior, even. and, i can move on.

i can state for certain that i did move buffer sizes around from song to song on playback through foobar, because i had to to get the sound right. given that truth, i probably shouldn't have expected a stable set-up in the first place. that is, the culmination of the last year of work has created a playback mess over that system.

but it's done now...

i'm almost certain it's good to go. the last thing had to do with setting the buffer sizes, and this isn't supposed to make any difference on playback, but it definitely does. i can't really explain it, but it seems to be the last piece.

when you hear the term "streaming audio", it gives the impression of audio flowing from start to finish with no interference. that's what the language is meant to invoke. but, it's a digital process, so of course it's not true. rather, there's a continual process of small amounts of data moving into buffers, and the buffers moving forward like a conveyor belt. the buffer size is how big those chunks of data are, measured in samples or seconds or bytes. this is user configurable for largely historical reasons.

the conventional wisdom is that this shouldn't matter because it's just a determination of how big the copy operation is. it's broadly seen as a largely legacy issue, mostly to do with processor speed. older processors had to take larger buffers because they couldn't work as fast. what that would create is choppy playback, rather than differences in tone, because it was struggling to process fast enough to put the stream together in real time. but, modern processors don't have that problem, so it's supposed to be that it doesn't really matter.

but, that's not happening. i'm noticing that i need to get the buffer size to a certain minimum point in order to maintain tonal integrity, which is sort of weird. sometimes it's the bass that sounds a little thin, other times it's the higher parts - but mostly sustained parts. it's almost more like it's a reverb issue. and, this is known in some sense. if you put a reverb plugin on an out, then the reverb calculation will be different if it takes the stream in in small chunks than it will be if it takes it in in large chunks - because it's reverberating over different lengths. but, that only makes sense on playback if windows is interfering somewhere along the way.

in fact, i have noticed this previously, so reducing the issue back to an issue i've dealt with on a functioning system indicates i'm back in functional territory.

i need to eat. but, i think i'm very close.

this is also from before, and i won't post it there again, but i'll post it here:

this isn't just bowie's best record, it's one of the decade's best records. that little comeback stint in the 90s was his most interesting period, musically. but, will we ever hear it in it's initial and intended form?

(relevant file: schizoid, confused, on sexual confusion in adolescence)

obligatory influential post.
 

the last thing i need to point to for this feature is socal punk. my entry point was ultimately nirvana, but the real entry point was the offspring. i probably wouldn't agree much with gurewitz if we were to order his catalog; the offspring and bad religion are really the only two pop punk bands i'd bother with, because they have that higher level of harmonic complexity. and, coming out of the grunge collapse, it was increasingly socal punk that i turned to for my rock kicks. as a guitarist, the guitar style in those offspring and bad religion records up to about 97 had a big effect on me that you can hear for years afterwards in the fast, dissonant chord work - and often in more subtle ways, as well. and, if you've been reading my rambling, this should not surprise you, either.

(relevant tracks: on sexual confusion in adolescence, to spin inside dull aberrations, anything with a guitar, really)