i've got several parts down, but i actually spent the morning playing with my aleph releases. i put together an mp3 disc for a psychiatric appointment in the morning [i'll be glad when these are over with....] and realized the plan i had to fill up an mp3 disc with periods 1 & 2 is likely not going to work. too much material. i'll wait until i'm done period 2 (this track i've been working on for three months is the second last track; i thought it would be done by now...) before i figure this out properly.

but i took a good look at what i had and it didn't make a lot of sense. i had a bunch of dvd-audio comps up that, in hindsight, seem foolish given that i can fit more on a flac disc. i also had all these box sets up that were just unsellable due to shipping costs...

so, i've cut the aleph releases down considerably by focusing on two specific kind of flac discs. one is the period discs, which will necessarily have some overlap. it's by design, because they're meant to be self-contained. but they're $100 each, so i wanted to find a way for people to go this route without double paying. i've filled that out by condensing the box sets into single $50 flac discs, which cut the shipping down dramatically. it's now down to five aleph releases - three box sets, and two period discs. but, i should hopefully have a third period disc and three more box sets up within a few more weeks. i need to stop projecting things regarding time, as i never hit the deadlines.

so, these are the new aleph options...

aleph zero is a box set - earliest demoes. inri001-inri012. i need this to provide an option to not double pay for inri013-inri023.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set

aleph one is also a box set, combining the later [more psych-oriented] inri releases with the deny everything singles. inri013-inri023.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/deny-everything-box-set-2

aleph two is the first period disc, which is precisely the first two box sets. it was easily split. the second period is not so easily split.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/period-1

aleph three is the first period 2 disc. i'm going to actually need two dvds for period 2, no matter how i break it down, so i've taken it to it's maximum extent. it's going to be a while before volume 2 comes up, but when it does it will close period 2. and, yes, there will be overlap with period 3.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/period-21

....and aleph four is a box set, collecting the singles from the first jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj album onto one 7.5 hour long dvd.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj-box-set-2

there's going to be overlap with the periods, but i'm going to avoid overlap with the box sets and create the box sets in such a way that you can get around the overlaps with the periods by strategically subbing in box sets. so, for example, for right now, you could get the complete discography (up to inri033) by combining the inri box set and the period 2.1 disc.

the one exception will be the rabit is wolf box set, which is just a different animal.

so, the next box sets coming up will be for j^2, rabit, trivial group and ftaa.

for the mp3 discs, i intend there to be no overlap. but you have to keep in mind that the mp3 discs are going to be $200 each so it's a strong incentive. and, then there will be blu-ray discs at $500 for flac and $1000 for mp3.

well, what *should* 25 gb of flacs cost? think about it. that's like 75 hours of music. if you guesstimate that to around 75 hour-length cds, you're looking at $6.67/disc. keeping in mind that most discs are less than an hour, it's more like $5/disc.

i mean, consider the reality: if i'm to have a fanbase (and i know i don't really now....) with this much music, full discography torrents are going to exist. i've downloaded more than a couple myself. so, apply bootleg logic.

bootleg logic?

well, bands often don't care if you tape and trade, it's the people that press and sell the shows that piss them off because that's when it starts taking money away from them. the best way to avoid that is to press and sell your own concerts. i mean, if you're a fan, and you're buying the bootleg, you'd think you'd rather support the artist than some dude down the road.

so, i think presenting the option is about the best approach. people want it, there it is.

the price tag is really just a reality check on what it is that you're actually doing.

but, i've been over this before. music sales are down across the board. ok. that means that prices have to increase to make up for it. instead of mass producing something and selling it to thousands of people, artists need to get their heads around hand producing things and selling them to a smaller number of people at higher prices. the product shifts from a cheap commodity to a valuable scarcity.

what i'm selling at this point is the number on the disc. the digital files are basically free. but "copy 7 of a limited edition run" is valuable to the collector - both in terms of emotional attachment and in terms of resale value.

consumers might not realize that yet, but collectors have known it for years.

i learned a few days ago that slow riot for new zero kanada has been ranked as the greatest ep ever on aggregate. it was fifteen years ago, but, today, my beat to shit original pressing - that i bought out of aidan girt's hand on the actual slow riot tour itself - has more value than the version that's on the shelf at walmart. and, that's what collectors strive for when they buy records by obscure composers on bandcamp.

boss sd-1

this pedal isn't something you want to use on it's lonesome....unless you really wanted that basic ac/dc sound, in which case, honestly, just tell your neighbours to fuck off and turn the amp up...offer the cops a beer when they show up...that's how you do ac/dc right...

but, it's a basic necessity in several genres to start off with. best basic tone going....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpvyfdOJMpk

guyatone sustainer distortion

i adore this little box...it works best driving a tube, though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT6cWUd7YCA

this is the first time i've got to use my favourite guitar tone since i set my gear back up last year.

it's a two-humbucker guitar [the black one in the cover photo - it's a weird creature, sort of shaped like a two humbucker strat, but it's actually heavier than an sg (not as heavy as a paul) and has what seems to be a coronet neck on it] through the following chain:

eh linear power booster ---> guyatone sustainer distortion ---> boss sd-1 ---> art tube pre-amp ---> pod [roland jazz amp-->chorus-->delay--->reverb]

i use the power booster because the pickups are a little weak. but i actually like the weaker pickups for rhythm playing. it's more flexible to be able to just turn them up....

it's a smooth, distorted sustain sound. most of it's easy to find and pretty common, but that sustainer/distortion is out of production. it's a tasty little box, though.

i've been thinking about what the doctor told me the last time i was in, though, and i think it's both correct and sort of reflective of the reality of the situation, which is that a psychological disability is really defined by whether you decide to have one or not. it's kind of justifying my tactics, actually. i'm not talking about physical limiting factors or something like down's syndrome, i'm talking about depression or personality disorders...

it's been remarked more than once that the society we live in is a psychopathic society, defined by antisocial social relations. you really can't get ahead unless you *do* have a personality disorder.

but what he told me was that it's pretty rare to see a psychiatrist for more than a few minutes, and most of them provide instant diagnosis. which produced ridicule from me. if you know me, you can imagine my response. are they magicians? medicine men? healers? what the fuck?

here's a good example of this. i'm looking through the review i picked up last week. it indicated i wasn't experiencing a loss of appetite, which implicitly suggested that i'm not all that depressed. but, that's such a hokey analysis. i'm actually the kind of person that assigns a lot of value to being thin (i don't tend to judge others by their weight, but it's important to me that i don't gain weight) and is fairly careful about how much i eat in order to ensure that i don't gain weight. i'm not like on a regimented diet or anything, and i don't tend to starve myself, but i'll routinely skip a day if i have a big meal. i consequently wouldn't associate a loss of appetite with depression, i'd associate it with forward-thinking - it would mean i'm looking forward to something. i'd actually associate over-eating with depression. stuffing my face would be not giving a fuck; eating less would be altering my figure for a future purpose.

the point i'm getting at isn't that one analysis is inherently superior to the other. certainly, a loss of appetite is going to be a negative indicator for some people. what i'm getting at is that it's not the kind of thing you can arrive at through talking to somebody for an hour. and, what's worse is that i wouldn't even expect an uneducated fool to be confused on this point. it's in the realm of common sense. how we can have doctors that are willing to jump to such specious deductions with such a deficit of evidence is befuddling to me.

i initially assumed my initial diagnosis was haphazard. but, i'm starting to realize it's not the case. my initial diagnosis was no less rigorous than what i'm coming up against, and consequently no less valid. and, as a result, i don't see anything wrong with pushing buttons until i get what i want - because it's ultimately all just a lot of bullshit, anyways.

on second thought, the overdub mix isn't worthwhile. so, i'm finally starting on the guitar concerto after supper...

i have a number of formed ideas and a number of abstract ones. i'll have to see how this goes. it could take anywhere from a day to a month to finish.

so, spring cleaning today.

i'm going to do a quick overdub mix when that's done, and then get on to the guitars later tonight.

untitled (originally intended mix)

this is the mix that i intended to complete when i sat down to reinterpret the piece at the end of last year (2014), and will form the basis of the final guitar concerto. mix finalized march 9, 2015.

http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-originally-intended-mix

so, i'm finally just about done this. i'm just setting final levels. it'll be up late tonight or early tomorrow.

this is the cubase breakdown of just the orchestrations. you can see it's been a slow process of cutting up sections and mixing them in as overdubs.

i have a "modern pc", but it's almost ten years old now and it's starting to show a few limitations. i use an old version of cubase (sx 3) to minimize ram requirements. even so, it starts to lock up when it gets to a certain point. now, it's a fargone point - 100 tracks, or maybe 50 with heavy plugin use. so, it takes a lot of tracks to lock up. but i'm routinely pushing things to their limits in terms of sound saturation right now, and getting to that point on almost every song.

this piece is at almost 200 tracks now, which is just too much. so, i've had to put a temporary mix down to get the orchestral parts in. i'm then going to have to bounce this down and import it into the original project. it's a little bit space intensive, but i've got plenty of hard drive space, and it'll all get moved to dvd in the long run anyways.

but, you can see how time intensive this was. i'm glad to get past it. as mentioned, the rss feed will update in the next 12-24 hours. and, i'm on to converting it into a guitar concerto starting tomorrow...

serious progress on this. i have one more section to arrange and mix. it could be done by monday, but no promises. it's kind of what i want, though, so i can dedicate the entirety of next week to guitar parts and then finally move on...

closer. i'm mostly done the arrangement, so it's mostly just setting levels now. but i've been sleeping a lot since i quit smoking. if that doesn't lift, i'm going to have to go back to smoking. moving from 4 hour sleeps to ten hour sleeps is hugely negative.

at this point, i really don't want to be smoking anymore, so i'm really hoping that my body is able to adjust in getting me out of this horrible normalcy.

but i'd rather live to 40 with four hour sleeps than live to 70 with ten hour sleeps. if it's going to give me back 4, 5, 6 hours a day, it's a valid trade-off.

the weather is just about to turn, so i'm really hoping i get a jolt of energy soon. like, tomorrow. otherwise, i'm going to be very tempted.

the reason i started smoking in the first place was for it's properties as a stimulant. coffee wasn't working. but i was pushing myself to 40 hour days as i was working multiple jobs. i don't need quite that much. but i can't handle the absurdly short 15 hour days i've been living recently. it's just too short. i'm not productive. i need to be sleeping about half as much as i have been the last month or so.

coffee is like water to me. i need it to stay "normal". in a sense, i know it's withdrawal, but if it doesn't lift soon then it's just not worth it.

closing down the scratch pad

i set up the scratchpad as a sarcastic reaction to some requests for collaboration.

as i've received exactly zero responses, i will no longer be posting to it.

the mix is coming slowly. a few more days, probably. but i'm not making any promises.

uploading untitled to the scratch pad

sorry for the rss flood; that was actually unexpected and a little weird.

there is a temporary mix up at the scratchpad, just because i've been a slowpoke on this. it's close to being the full thing (minus the guitar solos) for the first 7.5 minutes or so. it's enough to get an idea of what i'm working on...

you really need headphones with this.

that was a heavy few days, but i got a number of things sorted out and should see my productivity increase the rest of this week

feels good to get back at it, actually. here i go...

i've actually been "finalizing" the first section for a week now. i keep listening to it, and it sounds good but i'm just not convinced. soon...

aaaand, the first doctor left me a voicemail indicating she's done the paperwork. that's no doubt a result of the threat, so it worked. i wish it didn't come to that, but so be it.

so.

that actually puts off the aspirin stunt for quite a while, at least until i get a response from the ministry.

if i get the extension as well, i can mix and match the two forms and see what is best.

but i have SOMETHING to submit, now. thankfully.

(i should rephrase that. i can't mix and match. but i can pick the best one.)

the doctor was not able to locate the forms, so i had to walk in empty-handed...

i got to the point of opening the aspirin bottle, which sent the nurse to the other room. they talked me down from it by promising to write me a letter for an extension, so i'll see where that goes.

end result: they're now aware that they're dealing with somebody that may act irrationally. i had to at least get that across. i'll have to phone the adjudication unit tomorrow to see what the result is.

if it gets denied, i'll have to pull off the stunt at the odsp office. i'm building the proper profile, at least.

i got some more forms sent, but i'd have to fax a request for an extension and i don't have time for that.

so, i'm going to go to the first doctor and ask for the original forms, which i will take to today's doctor. if i can't get the forms, it's clear what i'll have to do.

i wasn't able to get the forms, but the odsp office suggested i should get an extension if i call to ask. so, i need to go call them right now. if i get the second extension, i'm obviously not going to send myself to the hospital...

the idea is that asking for forms is an excuse for extra extensions.

so i'm reposting this for the comments about the state i'll be in when i get there. the key point is that i will not take any aspirin until i enter the clinic. the truth is that i don't even have the energy to get drunk before i go in. it's just absolute meh.

chances of overdosing tomorrow are about 99.99999%. i don't think i'm even going to have the forms. so, it's not even going to be an option. if, by some fluke, i manage to get the forms and get him to fill them out then great, but i don't expect it.

that means there are only two options for tomorrow: i come home with the forms signed, or i overdose on aspirin at the windsor city health center on mar 3, 2015...

http://musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.ca/2015/02/im-essentially-certain-at-this-point.html

i have no further appointments, and no way to put it off and hope i get the right answer. i need the papers signed tomorrow, or i will breakdown and begin to ruthlessly annoy, harass and bother whomever is around me until it happens.

annoyance: they claim you have to ask your worker for the medical forms. which strikes me as absurd.

so, i'll go in tomorrow and ask the worker...

i'm going to eat lunch first and then head out to the initial doctor to see if it's been filled out yet.

it's not like not having the papers is going to prevent me from od-ing tomorrow. it's more like walking in without the papers is a guarantee that i will.

i mean, if i can't get the papers then i can't fill them out. indicating there's no way to prevent the stunt.