thoughts on the new screaming females record

sounds solid to me, i don't know what people are complaining about.

i'll suggest that the record sounds like there may have been some time spent away from jamming, in the sense that it's a bit more ordered. reviewers that have never written a song before generally tend to get this backwards by applying some kind of intelligent design theory to the ordering of sound. when it comes to this kind of rock music, "sloppy and messy" indicates that a lot of time was spent on it and "snappy and catchy" indicates that you're getting something a bit more raw. the reason is that the songs come out of the basic architecture of chords and riffs and grow and morph into big, sloppy messes. it essentially never works the other way around. this is really true of all music, but rock as an artform is especially inherently deconstructive, chaotic, unraveling...

it's normal for a band to release a disc or two like this over the course of their career. they work themselves into the discography and make a place for themselves. sometimes, they indicate a band is falling apart, but it's usually out of practical realities, and i don't get that impression, here.

the key thing about this band has always been that guitar tone, and there's really been no loss in it's crunch.

no call this week....

i'm just getting annoyed. i don't want to have to do this, but i feel as though i have no choice.

i have an appointment on tuesday (with a different doctor). i can't tell him what i'm planning because i need an element of surprise, so it's not really a factor. if i'm done this mix by monday, i'll do the suicide attempt then. otherwise, i'll give myself a few more days to get the mix done and go whenever it is - wednesday, thursday. it's just that if it goes wrong, i don't want a half done mix sitting here....

i *do* expect to be at least almost done by monday, so i'm looking at wednesday at the latest.

yeah, it's clicking. i'm back in "the zone" with this.

and, while i really, really want to do something regarding this guitar concerto idea, i'm realizing that trying to work a fuzz/sustain guitar solo into this mix is going to be difficult to the point of maybe being impossible. that may have to be left out of the final, and quarantined into it's own space.

there's just only so much sound that can exist in one space.

i mean, i'll get *something* in there. the beginning build up, for sure. but it may not be much more than that...

the final product is going to have something like 250 instruments worked into under 14 minutes.

so, yeah, it's coming up on two months. but i'm not slacking. it's just complicated.

by comparison, the last hybrid live/electronic piece i completed (in october) that took me this long (all of august and september) was only about 150 instruments over 19 minutes:

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/to-spin-inside-dull-aberrations


when you consider that i've actually got several mixes of this thing, it's more like 1000 parts over the last two months. so i'm not slacking. dammit.

the biggest thing i have so far remains that first movement. i'm not going to count the tracks right now, but the source files take up 40 gb of space of audio. i'm guessing there's something like 500 tracks worked into these 18 minutes, a large amount of it in guitar overdubs.

^ that took two years to build. although i should add that i had a job at the time.

it's starting to come together a little - i've got some horns worked in - but the sound is a lot more saturated than i realized it was going to be, so this is going to be a fairly delicate operation, requiring a lot of weaving. i've got some space at the top, but i want to keep these orchestral sounds out of the way of the bass, which is actually bleeding pretty far into the mid range due to the heavy fuzz. it's just, like, way too much stuff. i've overextended this to a ridiculous extreme. i mean, i'm trying to mix 120 orchestra pieces into what is already a crowded space...

i'm toying with the idea of throwing a techno-orchestra mix up, but i'm not committing to it until i get to a transition mix. i mean, if i end up having to mix 90% of the orchestra out for the final, it will make sense, but i don't want to put up an extra mix for the sake of a lone oboe or something...

it's going to be just flat out ridiculous, though.

releasing inri002 in the alter-reality

so, i'm currently transitioning into inri003 in the alter-reality.

this is a "mix tape" composed of snippets from the first two demos. it didn't actually seriously exist until late 2013, but it's being dropped into the alter-reality for the summer of 1997. this is the only way to get the early material on a physical media; the first two demos are not, and never will be, for sale. mp3 only.

(to clarify: i was between 15 and 16 in these demos. a young 16, for the last of it. so, it's easy to understand why they're not for sale.)

but, this "mix tape" compilation of snippets *is* actually for sale because i can present it as worth listening to. it's what i'm presenting as my actual debut release, and unofficial 0th record. now, it's a quirky listen, to be sure - a lot of instrumental passages and weird guitar solos spliced together, often with little context. i'm a bit of a zappa fan; he did a number of records like this that were composed of just bits of sound, cut out from elsewhere. mike keneally followed up on this through the 90s. that's the thought process i had in compiling it then. but some listeners may be more familiar with this approach through flying lotus, or some of his influences. it ultimately goes back to varese, but it would be absurd for me to compare this to varese...

but, this is the path out of period 1.1. inri004 will go up in about two months, and usher in the synth pop phase. there won't be any further alter-reality updates until then.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled-a

most of the way through the week. ugh. i hope i get a call tomorrow or the next day.

i mean, i'm not going to just walk in and start popping pills. i'm going to need to get a response first. but unless it's "here. done." or "it'll be done tomorrow.", it's going to get messy...

like, for example, if she tries to give me the forms back? no. you said you'd fill them out. you've wasted my time. i don't have time to find somebody else. so, there are going to be consequences for that.

fucking weather. i really don't care if it's hot or cold, it'd just be nice if it could keep it steady so i'm not passing out...

i'm getting half a stomach ache. which is weird, considering that the reports are not indicating spring. but, it's a specific wrench. and my stomach is never wrong. i think what it's telling me is that the absurd cold is over, that this morning is the end of deep winter, if you will, and the beginning of a warm up to normal winter.

but we could be in for a pleasant surprise, too.

from what i can gather, it's a biological response to shifts in atmospheric pressure. i guess the high pressure could always come back. but when it gets like this, it really indicates seasonal shifts.

walls update

jessica
hi.

i've got a point form conclusion at the end. this'll be the last time i bug you about this. i just want to get my final conclusions across.

so, it looks like the worst of it is probably passed. i started off saying the walls were badly insulated, then backtracked a little when i plugged the doors and noticed a difference and am now going back to where i started, with the shift in tone to the unusual nature of the current extreme cold. they're not badly insulated relative to the expected climate, but they can't handle this weather, either..

it really seems to depend on what the temperature in the unheated part of the basement is. i think i tricked myself into thinking the walls were better insulated than they were; it seems like the temperature in the basement had risen, at the time, to something more reasonable, which slowed the heat flow out. so, it seemed well insulated when it was really just not a large enough temperature difference for serious leakage.

as the temperature has fallen over the last week and stayed low, the leakage has increased. it has reversed during brief warm-ups. i still think weatherproofing the doors are a good idea, but the temperature difference appears to be a basic, irresolvable problem from inside the unit. that is to say that this unit is heating the entire basement through convection, and so long as that is true and it is very cold then it will be expensive.

it wasn't quite as cold overnight tonight, and it was very stable around -16/-17, so i tried to turn the heat down a little. it took about four hours to go from being a little warm in here to feeling the cold radiating off the walls (which is actually the heat radiating out). so, the temperature outside is not the dominant factor in being able to reduce the heat. the basement temperature has to also increase before the unit temperature can come down.

it's a temperature *difference* thing, of course. if it wasn't so cold, there wouldn't be so much flow. judging from the fact that i didn't really have to turn the heat up until the temperature got below -20, i think that, under a normal winter, and with normal heat sources, ambient heating may even be sufficient. it's just that it's been so unusually cold...

i'm coming from ottawa, where it is often much colder than we've seen this year and last year. these are my first two years here. it seems badly insulated.....relative to what i'd expect for ottawa. and i'll say that if we start getting cold like we've seen the last two years here regularly, this is going to be structurally expensive. i'd argue that you'd have no real choice but to heat the unfinished part of the basement to a basic point (5, 10 degrees, something like that) in order to stop the flow out of here.

but, all factors considered, the walls seem to be able to keep the heat in so long as the temperature outside is not below -15 or so for a significant period of time. once it gets that cold, the walls leak hard - because the basement is unheated. heating the basement with a cheaper source would reverse the issue. but that seems to be rare here.

so, yeah - i started off saying the walls were badly insulated. it's more like they can't handle this weather, but are ok under regular circumstances.

so, final point form suggestions on ways to reduce leakage:

(1) there are big gaps in the doors, and blocking them helped a lot, so weather-proofing the doors would likely make a big difference.
(2) there appears to be a missing plastic strip around the outside of the bedrooms that would likely reduce a low-lying draft if replaced.
(3) the walls are unable to stop leakage when it is very cold, which is the result of a big temperature difference between the inside of the unit (heated) and the unfinished part of the basement (unheated). this appears to be structural, but (once the doors are blocked) is only noticeable when it is unusually cold.

the landlord
I am working on putting a new furnace into the unit next to Paul's unit. I have dropped the temp in that unit since it is vacant and this also affecting the temperature in the basement below. Hopefully within 7 days we will have the new furnace heating with cheaper heat that I can afford. I plan to put a new front and back door with good seals when I can. If you are cold let me know and I will jack the heat up in the unit above the open basement. Please be patient, money and time are available at a slower pace. I have one vacancy also.

jessica
i'm not cold, i'm just trying to get you information regarding the unit from inside of it.

the landlord
Thanks

some new cover art...

the inside of an abandoned mall somewhere in the rust belt.

american ruins.

this is some fun in photoshop (not my creation).

i think it speaks for itself.

i need to stop giving etas. i slept a lot over the last few days - shifts in the weather tend to make me drowsy, and we're warming up a bit. temporarily. i'll get sleepy when it gets cold again, too. soonish....

for me, the best climate would be stable around 20 degrees. vancouver. seattle. portland. england. something like that.

this is the important week, coming up. the doctor has the papers. by next monday (march 1st), i will either have them completed and ready to mail or i will be forced to generate a crisis. there's no further adjustments or wait-and-sees, it's time for action.

given that i'm planning around a suicide attempt over the next few weeks, it may seem like a weird time to quit smoking. but it's just been far too cold out; bundling up for that kind of weather every hour or two just hasn't been appealing. so, i'm actually at two weeks now. and it seems like it might legitimately hold, this time. the in and out has really lost it's appeal...

we'll see if that changes when the weather warms up. but, for now, i prefer my warm blanket and don't foresee any forthcoming desire to work the constant trips outdoor back into my daily routine.

i'm an adding an extra mix to the single, which will make the disc flow a little better (by alternating live and canned mixes) and take it up almost to 80 minutes, further justifying the two-cd set. it's going to be the complete mix, but without added lead parts, meaning it will combine all the pre-existing sound before it's converted into a concerto. i'm thinking it should be up in the next 12 hours or so.

my ears can be so remarkably sensitive at times. i've spent the last two days neuroticizing over a 1 db treble boost, and setting all kinds of playback levels and latency settings to be sure about it....

i think i've mentioned before that the songs only sound ideal in a minimal volume range, which is generally very loud. i've just resigned myself to this. i mean, the reality is that reproduction is so impossible to control that freaking out over a treble roll is just absolutely absurd. people are going to be listening to it on everything from the beats eq to fucking dolby noise reduction, and it's all going to completely negate my production decisions. i can't even tell you to listen to it flat, really, because the response out of the amp or pc speakers (or, god forbid, cell phone. seriously. don't do that. i'll track you down, take that cell phone out of your hands and beat you over the head with it. never. ever. not my shit, anyways. at least find some phones...) or whatever you're listening to it on is almost certainly not flat relative to my signal.

there's things that mastering companies can do to kind of stabilize it. i don't seriously have access to that kind of equipment. i can fake it with some plugins, but it's not seriously comparable. and, there's a problem with this, regardless - it's a generic gloss. you'd probably want to film me reacting to somebody else trying to master my material, because i'd likely just snap. i'm far too much of a control freak. in fact, i probably wouldn't even let it happen. i'd have to be sitting there in the room, and it's going to take a handful of engineers because i'm going to end up murdering the first few....

for right now, the compression i'm using is very responsive to shifts in volume. so, even when i control for gear, i need to hit that sweet spot to really get what i want. and this isn't the first time i've thrown myself for a loop in losing that sweet spot, then needed to spend a day or two reapproximating it...

you want to talk about the future of music? brain waves. fuck the gear. just let me send you raw math that you can download directly into your skull. it's the only end solution possible to get around it. and fucking bob ludwig can fuck off.

i'd much rather be hated and despised than loved or admired. love is mostly an illusion, driven by the false projection of idealized fantasies on to reality. love is solipsism. but hate is a real reaction, a legitimate interaction in objective existence.

i've been scatter-brained the last few days around this mess with my disability, but i think i've got a basic tone down. i'm actually a little bit stoked at the moment, and feeling a bit of extra drive...

the sad truth is that this was the second highest selling single in the us in the 60s. the only thing that outsold it was i want to hold your hand. and while it's depressing that that tune is the biggest beatles hit, it's even more distressing that this outsold all the anti-war music. by leaps and bounds.

the 60s, as they have been sold to younger listeners, are mostly a lie. the beatles were very popular. but you need to go way, way down the list to get to dylan or mitchell or anything else with any kind of social conscience. the reality is that it was a fringe counter-culture.

but, you've probably never heard of this before, have you? the counter-culture was fringe then, but it became dominant because the fringe had the balls (with all due respect to the women involved) to stand up against the market and wave it's freak flag high. now, the 60s mainstream is lost in obscurity. you wouldn't recognize more than half of the most popular songs of the era, but you'd recognize all kinds of stuff that didn't sell at all.

people complain that the market doesn't respond to a counter-culture anymore. but it never did. building a counter-culture is not a profitable business venture. if it sees a financial reward at all, it's not going to happen for years or decades. it's about changing attitudes.

i got the impression that the doctor i saw today was finally taking me seriously. if i'm making progress, i'd rather play the process out than freak out. it's just that i'm running out of time.

i've set a mental deadline for the first. i have an appointment on the 3rd. if i get the papers in time, great. if not, the third is the proper opportunity....

i'm essentially certain at this point that i will be overdosing on aspirin at the windsor city health centre on the afternoon of february 17th. i do not expect the doctor i am going to see to take me seriously, and, as such, i expect this to be a necessary step. in order to pre-empt any malpractice by the staff there, and ensure they are held liable for criminal negligence should it occur, i would like to clarify a few facts about what is going to happen before it happens.

1) i will not be armed with any sort of weapon, and do not plan on harming anybody except for myself. should reports surface that i was armed, these reports should be understood as false.
2) i will not consume any aspirin before i enter the center.
3) i will inform medical professionals that i am about to consume the aspirin before i consume it.

2&3 together will provide ample time for an ambulance to arrive. should the ambulance not arrive, or should it arrive too late, the only conclusion will be criminal negligence, and i will expect that the relevant staff be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

4) my goals tomorrow are not to kill myself, but merely to draw attention to the high level of incompetency in the psychiatrists that i'm dealing with. i've spoken to several, and they all believe i am bluffing when i claim i am suicidal. but, i am not bluffing. the fact that i am not bluffing is the key point i need to get across. if there are professional consequences for gross incompetence in misdiagnosis, i believe they are appropriately enforced, in context. but the important point is that i'm able to get to a doctor that understands that i am not bluffing.

abstractly, i am reversing the work or die ultimatum that the market places on all of us and directing it at the doctors. they have the choice to diagnose or be held liable for the consequences. and, i'm a smart, and creative person - i can ensure that there are dramatic consequences.

the severity of these stunts will increase until the papers are filled out. i will broadcast certain aspects of the stunt before they occur, but not so much as would prevent them.

the one thing i want to make clear is that i have no intention of harming anybody else directly, through physical means.

however, the threat to myself will increase with each stunt as the necessity of diagnosis becomes increasingly clear and the liability for the doctors becomes increasingly dramatic.

i want to be clear that the only acceptable outcomes from my perspective are getting the papers signed or committing suicide; there is no third option.

so, this is all entirely preventable, if the right choice is made to fill out the papers.