bandcamp just set up a subscriber service...
well, there's (almost) fifty of you. i think a couple of you have bought a few things. you tell me: would you pay for a subscription service?
my concern with this is that i plan on releasing a very large amount of music in the next 12 months, as i push through the discography. i know i'm behind schedule, but i'm on the cusp of a very fast string of releases. but the fact that i'm behind schedule is kind of what i'm getting at. if i assume 25 releases over the next year at an average of $4 a release, that's $100. now, what if i only finish ten? see, then i'm ripping people off. and, what if i get more than that done?
if i was in a more conventional circumstance where i expect to release a record and a single or two every 12-15 months then i'd see the option as worthwhile. as it is, i'm uncomfortable with the uncertainty.
i already have a "pay more" option that provides the ability to send me cash if you want to send me cash. btw, feel free to send me cash if you'd like. i don't push the point, i want you to enjoy the music, but i could certainly use it.
you tell me though: would you put money down up front for what could be hours of music? i'm not going to tell you to wait, if you'd like to do it right now :)
the more i think about this....
...would i pay this down? no. well, there's maybe an artist or two i might put it down for. but, that would be the extreme exception.
i like the idea of having the kickstarter-type option, though. i'll think about this later...
Friday, February 6, 2015
Thursday, February 5, 2015
i'm still alive. i really think this ought to be done by the next sleep. really. seriously.
it's close. and i've got a while before sleep, still.
this melodic line is eating so much of my time. it's the same line i spent two weeks on for the first vst mix, comparing guitar synth outs for. and i suspect it's going to be messy when i get to the ambient mix, too. then, when i mix the final i'm going to have fifty parts to squeeze into thirty seconds...
i'm stuck between a pizzicato string part, a harp part and a full string section. and i'm considering just blowing it up for a simple vibraphone line. but the point is that it's supposed to be overblown, so i want these intersecting strings and horns.
so, i've got lots of hair to pull out, but i expect this to be done in a few hours.
when it clicks, i'll know it.
this is something composers could really not do until recently, swapping parts in and out like this.
you have to think beethoven was just like "this is going to be a harp" and that was the end of it.
did he ever write anything for harp? never mind, back to work....
it's close. and i've got a while before sleep, still.
this melodic line is eating so much of my time. it's the same line i spent two weeks on for the first vst mix, comparing guitar synth outs for. and i suspect it's going to be messy when i get to the ambient mix, too. then, when i mix the final i'm going to have fifty parts to squeeze into thirty seconds...
i'm stuck between a pizzicato string part, a harp part and a full string section. and i'm considering just blowing it up for a simple vibraphone line. but the point is that it's supposed to be overblown, so i want these intersecting strings and horns.
so, i've got lots of hair to pull out, but i expect this to be done in a few hours.
when it clicks, i'll know it.
this is something composers could really not do until recently, swapping parts in and out like this.
you have to think beethoven was just like "this is going to be a harp" and that was the end of it.
did he ever write anything for harp? never mind, back to work....
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
reacting to a criticism of the time machine
"this sounds like it was done in fruity loops."
lol. those are live guitars. also, the drum machine work is highly geeky. while a passive observer might hear a warp records influence, it's actually very influenced by phil collins. it was scored out linearly in classical drum notation...
i haven't worked much with fruity loops, but i think it would have difficulty producing a detailed, scored piece like this. the time signatures are shifting all over the place.
fwiw, the first part was written in noteworthy composer (which is an ancient scorewriter, sort of like finale) and sent to vst in cubase. the second and third parts were constructed in a wave editor out of heavily cut and processed samples from the first part.
lol. those are live guitars. also, the drum machine work is highly geeky. while a passive observer might hear a warp records influence, it's actually very influenced by phil collins. it was scored out linearly in classical drum notation...
i haven't worked much with fruity loops, but i think it would have difficulty producing a detailed, scored piece like this. the time signatures are shifting all over the place.
fwiw, the first part was written in noteworthy composer (which is an ancient scorewriter, sort of like finale) and sent to vst in cubase. the second and third parts were constructed in a wave editor out of heavily cut and processed samples from the first part.
i keep saying this is almost done, and it keeps not getting done.
i've got a temporary mix uploading to the scratchpad. it's close, but still a ways away - i really just have to convince myself of some levels, and mix in the orchestrated jazz guitars that transition the track. well, it's not going to be guitars, it's going to be cut up strings and horns. there's no guitars in this mix, but i'll be using aspects of it in the final mix (which has lots of guitars).
i'm uploading it now because there's a possibility that my appointment today may not end well and i think i should get up what i've got done.
as always: comments or suggestions are encouraged, but expect me to ignore you.
it just takes a long time to mix, like, oboes and flutes and stuff. instruments come up and out of the mix. i mean, it's a hundred fucking pieces, here, i'm not slacking it's just that thick....
i've got a temporary mix uploading to the scratchpad. it's close, but still a ways away - i really just have to convince myself of some levels, and mix in the orchestrated jazz guitars that transition the track. well, it's not going to be guitars, it's going to be cut up strings and horns. there's no guitars in this mix, but i'll be using aspects of it in the final mix (which has lots of guitars).
i'm uploading it now because there's a possibility that my appointment today may not end well and i think i should get up what i've got done.
as always: comments or suggestions are encouraged, but expect me to ignore you.
it just takes a long time to mix, like, oboes and flutes and stuff. instruments come up and out of the mix. i mean, it's a hundred fucking pieces, here, i'm not slacking it's just that thick....
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
genres. pfft.
you know why the beatles were so awesome in the second half of their career? because every new piece they created defined a new genre. even the pieces that weren't really influential exist in their own space, just waiting to spawn something.
this has never really been replicated. not at that level, anyways. but it's not like it's impossible to replicate. sure, they had unlimited resources, and it helps. but we're in a technological space now where virtually anybody has possibilities that far exceed what they had, if you're willing to use technology to sub in for the orchestras. anybody can plug a moog into a vsti, and there's forty years of new synths to plug in on top of it.
if there's one thing i could say i aspire to, i think it's that. i don't want to exist in a genre. it helps with marketing, sure, to package something that fits a set of cliches. but fuck that. i want every piece i write to define a new genre, to exist in a unique space.
i hope i've been moderately successful at this. at the least, it's what i think the narrative ought to be, one day. "blender rock". sure, but it's out of the necessity to box something i don't want to box.
the most interesting genres are the ones that don't exist yet.
if you can create ONE genre nowadays, you're considered brilliant. but this is a contradiction relative to what we have in front of us. the task of a creative mind in this endless array of creative possibilities must be to take advantage of it. i'm not going on a marxist rant about contradictions in capitalism.
but, a record like sgt. peppers that spawns a dozen genres is just unheard of. that's what a younger set of ears is going to hear: how absurdly diverse those records are. it's like almost outside the realm of what they're expected to even contemplate.
you know why the beatles were so awesome in the second half of their career? because every new piece they created defined a new genre. even the pieces that weren't really influential exist in their own space, just waiting to spawn something.
this has never really been replicated. not at that level, anyways. but it's not like it's impossible to replicate. sure, they had unlimited resources, and it helps. but we're in a technological space now where virtually anybody has possibilities that far exceed what they had, if you're willing to use technology to sub in for the orchestras. anybody can plug a moog into a vsti, and there's forty years of new synths to plug in on top of it.
if there's one thing i could say i aspire to, i think it's that. i don't want to exist in a genre. it helps with marketing, sure, to package something that fits a set of cliches. but fuck that. i want every piece i write to define a new genre, to exist in a unique space.
i hope i've been moderately successful at this. at the least, it's what i think the narrative ought to be, one day. "blender rock". sure, but it's out of the necessity to box something i don't want to box.
the most interesting genres are the ones that don't exist yet.
if you can create ONE genre nowadays, you're considered brilliant. but this is a contradiction relative to what we have in front of us. the task of a creative mind in this endless array of creative possibilities must be to take advantage of it. i'm not going on a marxist rant about contradictions in capitalism.
but, a record like sgt. peppers that spawns a dozen genres is just unheard of. that's what a younger set of ears is going to hear: how absurdly diverse those records are. it's like almost outside the realm of what they're expected to even contemplate.
ok, i think i'm done the arrangement, excluding minor tweaks. it's huge, though (more than 100 pieces), and is going to take some to mix. part of that is going to be isolating certain sections...
i had to scrap a few things that were there, which cost me some days, but i'm thinking either this sleep or the next is pretty much certain.
contrabass (15)
violin (14)
viola (14)
cello (14)
french horn (9)
flute (8)
trombone (7)
trumpet (7)
english horn (6)
oboe (6)
bassoon (4)
clarinet (3)
piccolo (2)
timpani (2)
harp
koto
agogo
melodic toms
tubular bells
glockenspiel
piano
music box
orchestral drum set
+ choir
so, that's 120 + choir. 200 people?
it's a little exaggerated. some of the parts could be played by the same person, but the score isn't acknowledging it. it's not written to maximize people in that way.
but it's not likely to go down too far. you're not squeezing this under 100, with the choir.
"so, why don't you ever play shows, j?"
i know, i know, i could rearrange it for one person. but that doesn't sound like a lot of fun, to me. i'd rather sit in my room by myself and orchestrate things to ridiculous extremes than cut them down to hobble together something for the sake of it being "live".
i'm sorry if you'd like me to see it differently, but i don't.
i had to scrap a few things that were there, which cost me some days, but i'm thinking either this sleep or the next is pretty much certain.
contrabass (15)
violin (14)
viola (14)
cello (14)
french horn (9)
flute (8)
trombone (7)
trumpet (7)
english horn (6)
oboe (6)
bassoon (4)
clarinet (3)
piccolo (2)
timpani (2)
harp
koto
agogo
melodic toms
tubular bells
glockenspiel
piano
music box
orchestral drum set
+ choir
so, that's 120 + choir. 200 people?
it's a little exaggerated. some of the parts could be played by the same person, but the score isn't acknowledging it. it's not written to maximize people in that way.
but it's not likely to go down too far. you're not squeezing this under 100, with the choir.
"so, why don't you ever play shows, j?"
i know, i know, i could rearrange it for one person. but that doesn't sound like a lot of fun, to me. i'd rather sit in my room by myself and orchestrate things to ridiculous extremes than cut them down to hobble together something for the sake of it being "live".
i'm sorry if you'd like me to see it differently, but i don't.
i'm aware that it's been a while since i posted a new tune - about a month and a half, and it's going to be another week at minimum before the track i'm working on comes up.
i have a few excuses, but the short answer is that the track i'm working on has turned out to be sort of complicated to mix. i'm working almost entirely with existing sound. it's really the mixing that's been very slow.
that being said, i've actually got more than enough material cobbled together to complete the ep, it's just the final mix that's a ways off. there will be an orchestral mix up here within hours, followed by a synthesizer/ambient mix in the next few days. i'll then have to take those dozen mixes put together over thirteen years and finally mix them down into a final mix - while adding some final touches in the guitar work.
so, something is coming, and it's actually going to be pretty gigantic for it's 14 minute frame. in the mean time, you can try and digest some of it's constituent parts by checking out what's done, up to now, of the associated ep.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/untitled
i have a few excuses, but the short answer is that the track i'm working on has turned out to be sort of complicated to mix. i'm working almost entirely with existing sound. it's really the mixing that's been very slow.
that being said, i've actually got more than enough material cobbled together to complete the ep, it's just the final mix that's a ways off. there will be an orchestral mix up here within hours, followed by a synthesizer/ambient mix in the next few days. i'll then have to take those dozen mixes put together over thirteen years and finally mix them down into a final mix - while adding some final touches in the guitar work.
so, something is coming, and it's actually going to be pretty gigantic for it's 14 minute frame. in the mean time, you can try and digest some of it's constituent parts by checking out what's done, up to now, of the associated ep.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/untitled
Monday, February 2, 2015
missed the appointment today..
To: infocchc@cmha-wecb.on.ca
hi.
my legal name is jason parent, but i go by jessica parent or jessica murray. i refuse to pay extra for a phone on top of the internet; i consider this to be an unnecessary and frankly obsolete expense in the internet era.
i had an appointment today at 11:00 am with the nurse. i intended to make this appointment, but fell asleep around 8:00 am and have only just woken up now. my normal sleeping pattern is to fall asleep early in the morning; i was trying to pull an all-nighter to make the appointment at 11:00 and unfortunately failed to do so. so, i apologize for not informing you, but it wasn't intended.
now, i suspect that the nurse was unable to appear today due to the weather. that is, i suspect that my appointment was cancelled, anyways.
i have an appointment with a doctor on the 17th. i'd just like to reiterate that i have every intention to get to that appointment. further, if the nurse would like to reschedule the "check-up" that was scheduled for today, my schedule is truly wide open.
i'm not certain that this is going to reach the proper audience and would appreciate some acknowledgement that it has or can not.
jessica
hi.
my legal name is jason parent, but i go by jessica parent or jessica murray. i refuse to pay extra for a phone on top of the internet; i consider this to be an unnecessary and frankly obsolete expense in the internet era.
i had an appointment today at 11:00 am with the nurse. i intended to make this appointment, but fell asleep around 8:00 am and have only just woken up now. my normal sleeping pattern is to fall asleep early in the morning; i was trying to pull an all-nighter to make the appointment at 11:00 and unfortunately failed to do so. so, i apologize for not informing you, but it wasn't intended.
now, i suspect that the nurse was unable to appear today due to the weather. that is, i suspect that my appointment was cancelled, anyways.
i have an appointment with a doctor on the 17th. i'd just like to reiterate that i have every intention to get to that appointment. further, if the nurse would like to reschedule the "check-up" that was scheduled for today, my schedule is truly wide open.
i'm not certain that this is going to reach the proper audience and would appreciate some acknowledgement that it has or can not.
jessica
rip edgar froese
a large and influential generation is entering it's twilight. the whole world will be different soon....
Sunday, February 1, 2015
i feel this is the best place to post this...
if i actually end up killing myself over the next few weeks, please note the following requests/instructions.
- NO RELIGIOUS CEREMONY. this is extremely important to me. no superstitions in disguise, either. the best way to ensure that you avoid all religion is to just not have a ceremony at all.
- so, no ceremony at all, please.
- i do not want a gravestone or any other physical memorial.
- i don't care what happens to my belongings.
- i would prefer to be composted. if this is not possible, or too expensive, then cremation is the second best option. if it's cheaper to just toss me on some logs, and cook some marshmellows on me then i'd prefer that option; there's no use in supporting the cemetary-industrial complex. no, seriously, just find a cheap way to burn me, i don't give a fuck as long as there's no markings...
- i don't want to be left in an urn or something. not because i particularly care about what happens to the ashes, but because i want all physical memory of me to be abolished.
- i would request that my internet presence not be disturbed. should it look like suicide is imminent, i will contact somebody regarding this.
============
these are all longterm goals, anyways. i suppose it's useful that they exist somewhere.
it's easy to understand why i don't really care about the details. the key points are:
(1) no religion
(2) no physical place of remembrance
(3) i would like to be recycled as effectively as is cost-efficient.
(4) my online presence must remain undisturbed.
if i actually end up killing myself over the next few weeks, please note the following requests/instructions.
- NO RELIGIOUS CEREMONY. this is extremely important to me. no superstitions in disguise, either. the best way to ensure that you avoid all religion is to just not have a ceremony at all.
- so, no ceremony at all, please.
- i do not want a gravestone or any other physical memorial.
- i don't care what happens to my belongings.
- i would prefer to be composted. if this is not possible, or too expensive, then cremation is the second best option. if it's cheaper to just toss me on some logs, and cook some marshmellows on me then i'd prefer that option; there's no use in supporting the cemetary-industrial complex. no, seriously, just find a cheap way to burn me, i don't give a fuck as long as there's no markings...
- i don't want to be left in an urn or something. not because i particularly care about what happens to the ashes, but because i want all physical memory of me to be abolished.
- i would request that my internet presence not be disturbed. should it look like suicide is imminent, i will contact somebody regarding this.
============
these are all longterm goals, anyways. i suppose it's useful that they exist somewhere.
it's easy to understand why i don't really care about the details. the key points are:
(1) no religion
(2) no physical place of remembrance
(3) i would like to be recycled as effectively as is cost-efficient.
(4) my online presence must remain undisturbed.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
i could conceivably get the orchestral mix up before the next sleep. it's turning out to be pretty wacky; i'm enjoying doing this and hope you like the result. i'm not sure how much of it is going to end up in the final mix, but i'm just focusing on what i have in front of me for right now....
i legitimately want to move on, but i'm having fun with this...
that rockin' bass line transferred over extremely well.
i need to specify that this isn't like a sombre orchestration. it's an extended overture.
i legitimately want to move on, but i'm having fun with this...
that rockin' bass line transferred over extremely well.
i need to specify that this isn't like a sombre orchestration. it's an extended overture.
Friday, January 30, 2015
got the check...
jessica
it's very generous of you, thank you. i was worried there for a bit that somebody was holding it for some reason or another.
if you're curious, you can stream what i'm doing at this page:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com
i think maybe most of it might be a little too "modern" for your tastes. most of it is broadly categorized as "classical music", but it's classical music with distorted and often dissonant guitars, grating percussion and weird sound effects. i like beethoven (and you can often tell), but agree with his dismissive opinions on rossini. so, there's not much of that. it's more drawing from the tradition of varese, stockhausen, cage and zappa - and following that line of thinking as it evolved through integration with rock traditions through the 60s, 70s and 80s.
nana
glad to hear you got it!I am getting many phone calls for you regarding your student loans.Could you please get in touch with them.The calls are all on my answering machine.Yes I am curious to here your music so will stream it.Take care & stay in touch.
jessica
i'm sorry that they're bothering you about the loans. i don't want that to happen.
however, i've been trying to avoid them rather purposefully, as it's not clear what my financial situation is going to be over the next few years. if i could tell them "i'm on disability", it would put me in a no payment status. but, i can't do that until i get that cleared up. so, i've been waiting for it to get cleared up until i contact them. i was hoping that was going to be dealt with months ago, but there seems to be a push from the top down to get people off disability. that means i might have to push back a little harder than i'd like to. i think an analysis of my life history makes it clear that i should be on disability, it's just a question of making that apparent.
the other thing is that i may be eligible for an artists' grant should the disability not work out, and i don't know how outstanding loans would affect that. i'll need to apply for that rather soon.
i'd ask that you tolerate this for a few more months, until i can get this cleared up. i know it's annoying, but i simply can't deal with what they want me to pay. they're expecting $1200/month. my income, with tax benefits, is $1150. so, it's impossible. but i can't claim i'm going to be on odsp because i can't get the papers.
my deadline is on the 13th of april, but i feel like my appointment on the 17th of february is going to let me know whether disability is something i can rely on or not
so, i'll be doing *something* in the next few weeks about this, but it's not yet clear what i can do.
i think i explained this story a few times, but i think i'm fighting against some misinformation spread by my sister. i wasn't supposed to have this debt in the first place, but i got suckered into it by my father. further, my step-mother is not upholding his obligations on the matter - rather, she's denying that the obligations exist. i suspect he may have been dishonest with her, and that the money he was supposed to use for this ended up lost in poker games, horse races or stock options. that is, he may have told her he was giving me money and gambled it away instead - perhaps even with the legitimate intention of winning money to give me. my father had a gambling problem. he kept it quiet, but he never really defeated it. when people have gambling problems like that, it can warp their thinking. that is, if my suspicion is correct, i don't doubt that he meant to use the cash he won to pay the debt down. it's just that it wasn't done transparently with his wife, and ultimately wasn't very smart, and now i'm stuck with the consequences of it.
i've tumbled this over in my mind a lot and have to conclude i'm at fault for putting myself in a reliant situation. but it doesn't change the reality that i got screwed over.
so, this is what happened...
when i got out of school the first time (in 2006) the debt was manageable. i managed to find a decent job that allowed me to get a nice apartment and pay into it. the monthly payments at the time were about $300 - about a third of which was interest to start, but it went down over time. i paid almost $10000 into it from 2006-2008. and i was also able to maintain a little nest egg for emergencies.
near the end of 2008, i was having difficulty finding employment. i still had that nest egg, so it wasn't really imperative that i find employment immediately. my dad was trying to get me to go back to school, but i specifically didn't want to increase my debt and resisted his requests. going back to school would have meant either going into debt or moving home, or both. it didn't seem like a smart decision, given that it didn't seem like going back to school was going to help me with my ambitions, which, at the time, were to simply find a job i could walk to, and focus on recording. i was hoping i could just wait it out and eventually get a job at starbucks or something. the one way i'd think it was worthwhile to go back to school is if he promised to pay both the rent and the schooling. it was offered almost sarcastically - i didn't think he'd actually agree to it. but, he did, which created an offer i couldn't refuse. i mean, if the choice is school or work and it doesn't cost me anything to go to school then school is always going to be the rational choice - school is more enjoyable than work, less scheduled, etc.
so, i applied for graduate school in mathematics and was accepted. at the end of august, though, i had second thoughts. i looked at the job market. i saw jobs in programming. my recent background was working tech support for hp and microsoft. i thought an undergraduate programming degree would be more marketable than a graduate degree in mathematics. i don't regret that decision; i think it was a correct analysis of the job market at the time.
however, a few things happened in the spring of 2008 - the markets crashed, primarily. combined with the higher dollar, foreign firms saw a disincentive to invest in job growth in canada. that didn't really change over the next few years.
the week before classes started, he told me that the market crash made it impossible to carry through with his promise. he encouraged me to take out a loan, and promised he'd pay it back by the end of the year. the problem was that i'd missed the loan deadline. so, i put my nest egg down to pay off the semester, expecting to get it back by the end of the year. i then applied for odsp starting in the winter. *that was the error i made that led to all the problems that followed*. i should have just looked for a job.
several semesters went by, and he kept promising me he'd pay it down, but it never happened. the loans just kept adding up. i had faith in him to carry out his promise. and, he was still promising he'd pay it down on his death bed.
about a week before he died, the three of us worked out an agreement. the step-mother would give me a few hundred dollars a month. but when i got back from windsor, she claimed he was "delusional on his death bed". i could probably sue her for this and win, but i don't want to spend the next ten years in a court battle. and, should i stay on odsp long enough, the loan will no doubt be "forgiven" anyways. i'd rather take this approach than spend who knows how much on court fees and untold amounts of time preparing legal arguments.
i just need odsp to follow through on it...
but i didn't want this mess. i specifically tried to avoid it. but i got suckered in by a promise that was never upheld.
it's very generous of you, thank you. i was worried there for a bit that somebody was holding it for some reason or another.
if you're curious, you can stream what i'm doing at this page:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com
i think maybe most of it might be a little too "modern" for your tastes. most of it is broadly categorized as "classical music", but it's classical music with distorted and often dissonant guitars, grating percussion and weird sound effects. i like beethoven (and you can often tell), but agree with his dismissive opinions on rossini. so, there's not much of that. it's more drawing from the tradition of varese, stockhausen, cage and zappa - and following that line of thinking as it evolved through integration with rock traditions through the 60s, 70s and 80s.
nana
glad to hear you got it!I am getting many phone calls for you regarding your student loans.Could you please get in touch with them.The calls are all on my answering machine.Yes I am curious to here your music so will stream it.Take care & stay in touch.
jessica
i'm sorry that they're bothering you about the loans. i don't want that to happen.
however, i've been trying to avoid them rather purposefully, as it's not clear what my financial situation is going to be over the next few years. if i could tell them "i'm on disability", it would put me in a no payment status. but, i can't do that until i get that cleared up. so, i've been waiting for it to get cleared up until i contact them. i was hoping that was going to be dealt with months ago, but there seems to be a push from the top down to get people off disability. that means i might have to push back a little harder than i'd like to. i think an analysis of my life history makes it clear that i should be on disability, it's just a question of making that apparent.
the other thing is that i may be eligible for an artists' grant should the disability not work out, and i don't know how outstanding loans would affect that. i'll need to apply for that rather soon.
i'd ask that you tolerate this for a few more months, until i can get this cleared up. i know it's annoying, but i simply can't deal with what they want me to pay. they're expecting $1200/month. my income, with tax benefits, is $1150. so, it's impossible. but i can't claim i'm going to be on odsp because i can't get the papers.
my deadline is on the 13th of april, but i feel like my appointment on the 17th of february is going to let me know whether disability is something i can rely on or not
so, i'll be doing *something* in the next few weeks about this, but it's not yet clear what i can do.
i think i explained this story a few times, but i think i'm fighting against some misinformation spread by my sister. i wasn't supposed to have this debt in the first place, but i got suckered into it by my father. further, my step-mother is not upholding his obligations on the matter - rather, she's denying that the obligations exist. i suspect he may have been dishonest with her, and that the money he was supposed to use for this ended up lost in poker games, horse races or stock options. that is, he may have told her he was giving me money and gambled it away instead - perhaps even with the legitimate intention of winning money to give me. my father had a gambling problem. he kept it quiet, but he never really defeated it. when people have gambling problems like that, it can warp their thinking. that is, if my suspicion is correct, i don't doubt that he meant to use the cash he won to pay the debt down. it's just that it wasn't done transparently with his wife, and ultimately wasn't very smart, and now i'm stuck with the consequences of it.
i've tumbled this over in my mind a lot and have to conclude i'm at fault for putting myself in a reliant situation. but it doesn't change the reality that i got screwed over.
so, this is what happened...
when i got out of school the first time (in 2006) the debt was manageable. i managed to find a decent job that allowed me to get a nice apartment and pay into it. the monthly payments at the time were about $300 - about a third of which was interest to start, but it went down over time. i paid almost $10000 into it from 2006-2008. and i was also able to maintain a little nest egg for emergencies.
near the end of 2008, i was having difficulty finding employment. i still had that nest egg, so it wasn't really imperative that i find employment immediately. my dad was trying to get me to go back to school, but i specifically didn't want to increase my debt and resisted his requests. going back to school would have meant either going into debt or moving home, or both. it didn't seem like a smart decision, given that it didn't seem like going back to school was going to help me with my ambitions, which, at the time, were to simply find a job i could walk to, and focus on recording. i was hoping i could just wait it out and eventually get a job at starbucks or something. the one way i'd think it was worthwhile to go back to school is if he promised to pay both the rent and the schooling. it was offered almost sarcastically - i didn't think he'd actually agree to it. but, he did, which created an offer i couldn't refuse. i mean, if the choice is school or work and it doesn't cost me anything to go to school then school is always going to be the rational choice - school is more enjoyable than work, less scheduled, etc.
so, i applied for graduate school in mathematics and was accepted. at the end of august, though, i had second thoughts. i looked at the job market. i saw jobs in programming. my recent background was working tech support for hp and microsoft. i thought an undergraduate programming degree would be more marketable than a graduate degree in mathematics. i don't regret that decision; i think it was a correct analysis of the job market at the time.
however, a few things happened in the spring of 2008 - the markets crashed, primarily. combined with the higher dollar, foreign firms saw a disincentive to invest in job growth in canada. that didn't really change over the next few years.
the week before classes started, he told me that the market crash made it impossible to carry through with his promise. he encouraged me to take out a loan, and promised he'd pay it back by the end of the year. the problem was that i'd missed the loan deadline. so, i put my nest egg down to pay off the semester, expecting to get it back by the end of the year. i then applied for odsp starting in the winter. *that was the error i made that led to all the problems that followed*. i should have just looked for a job.
several semesters went by, and he kept promising me he'd pay it down, but it never happened. the loans just kept adding up. i had faith in him to carry out his promise. and, he was still promising he'd pay it down on his death bed.
about a week before he died, the three of us worked out an agreement. the step-mother would give me a few hundred dollars a month. but when i got back from windsor, she claimed he was "delusional on his death bed". i could probably sue her for this and win, but i don't want to spend the next ten years in a court battle. and, should i stay on odsp long enough, the loan will no doubt be "forgiven" anyways. i'd rather take this approach than spend who knows how much on court fees and untold amounts of time preparing legal arguments.
i just need odsp to follow through on it...
but i didn't want this mess. i specifically tried to avoid it. but i got suckered in by a promise that was never upheld.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
just an update...
i was going to do a "dark mix" and a "jazz mix". but these components were present, and i didn't see where else to take them. so, i jumped to the final mix.
i started playing around with orchestrations and synths. so, now i'm doing an orchestral mix, and probably an ambient mix. they'll be up in the next few days.
what that means is that the final is going to need to integrate:
(1) the 2002 files with
(2) the base vst mix
(3) the orchestral arrangements
(4) the ambient mix
(5) added files (mostly guitars)
so, i've put something very big in front of me. that's ok. the other songs on the record are all also very big. but it means the eta is continuing to be pushed back.
i was hoping to get it out by the end of january. that's not likely. which means i'm not going to have a january release. i didn't have an august release, either. it takes how long it takes, y'know....
again: that's why i'd never trade this little fringe existence for timelines and schedules....
remember: nothing exists in one state. everything is fluctuating. i think songs should be like that, too.
i was going to do a "dark mix" and a "jazz mix". but these components were present, and i didn't see where else to take them. so, i jumped to the final mix.
i started playing around with orchestrations and synths. so, now i'm doing an orchestral mix, and probably an ambient mix. they'll be up in the next few days.
what that means is that the final is going to need to integrate:
(1) the 2002 files with
(2) the base vst mix
(3) the orchestral arrangements
(4) the ambient mix
(5) added files (mostly guitars)
so, i've put something very big in front of me. that's ok. the other songs on the record are all also very big. but it means the eta is continuing to be pushed back.
i was hoping to get it out by the end of january. that's not likely. which means i'm not going to have a january release. i didn't have an august release, either. it takes how long it takes, y'know....
again: that's why i'd never trade this little fringe existence for timelines and schedules....
remember: nothing exists in one state. everything is fluctuating. i think songs should be like that, too.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
la la la la (2002 mix)
i'm squeezing an extra single in.
this was meant to be rabit is wolf. sean wanted a song that just went "lalalala". i think his intent was to try and simplify my thought process, because what i'd been doing sounded more like FTIeikdTY7isdD7E5dk!. he was just kind of like "how about.....lalalala.".
it got a bit of an eye roll from me, as you could imagine, but i played with it. he wasn't really that excited about what i did, and it just didn't move forward. there were no further sessions, as he became interested in working with a more conventional early 00s "emotional hardcore" (think at the drive in) style guitarist and i got very involved in a relationship
despite his initial suggestion, i'd consider the result to clearly be of my own doing. so, i took the core of what i did and warped it into the first track on the reflections symphony.
as his intentions are clear, i don't have a problem completing the vocals on my own, and it's what i'll be doing as inri043. there may have been a vocal part recorded, but i don't have it any more.
so, the ostrich thing is getting pushed back a release. this is going to be a relatively quick remix, with a simple vocal line. and i'm releasing it as rabit because it's collaborative in the abstract, despite sean not actually existing in the track.
for now, this was the initial forwards version of the song, which is only coming down to me over the space of time via mp3 and a collection of scattered source tracks. there's actual nothing but guitars in this version. it's dated to nov 15, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/lalala-2002-mix
this was meant to be rabit is wolf. sean wanted a song that just went "lalalala". i think his intent was to try and simplify my thought process, because what i'd been doing sounded more like FTIeikdTY7isdD7E5dk!. he was just kind of like "how about.....lalalala.".
it got a bit of an eye roll from me, as you could imagine, but i played with it. he wasn't really that excited about what i did, and it just didn't move forward. there were no further sessions, as he became interested in working with a more conventional early 00s "emotional hardcore" (think at the drive in) style guitarist and i got very involved in a relationship
despite his initial suggestion, i'd consider the result to clearly be of my own doing. so, i took the core of what i did and warped it into the first track on the reflections symphony.
as his intentions are clear, i don't have a problem completing the vocals on my own, and it's what i'll be doing as inri043. there may have been a vocal part recorded, but i don't have it any more.
so, the ostrich thing is getting pushed back a release. this is going to be a relatively quick remix, with a simple vocal line. and i'm releasing it as rabit because it's collaborative in the abstract, despite sean not actually existing in the track.
for now, this was the initial forwards version of the song, which is only coming down to me over the space of time via mp3 and a collection of scattered source tracks. there's actual nothing but guitars in this version. it's dated to nov 15, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/lalala-2002-mix
so, i think that bandcamp is providing the closest thing to a proper business model for independent artists in the internet era. it's not perfect, but it's vastly superior to what something like spotify is offering. those streaming sites are hypercapitalism, in the sense that they're bankrolling a bourgeoisie and giving the artists the finger. you shouldn't support that shit.
but in order for something more artist-friendly like bandcamp to exist, it has to be supported. i'm on the receiving end, and it's far from paying my bills, but i feel i should be supporting it, as well. so, i'm going to be investing a few dollars a month of money i'm making as profit to try and keep it spinning.
this is also going to function as a component of my review presence by drawing attention to independent artists that i think are doing something that's worth paying for. i do quite a bit of scouring and am incredibly selective. so, this page is going to be somewhat of an elite list of totally obscure music in a few months :)
https://bandcamp.com/deathtokoalas
regarding the streaming sites, i'd hazard a guess that google play will drive the others to irrelevancy within a few years because they're paying out upwards of a thousand times as much. i generated 20,000 hits at youtube over 2014. i've turned the ads off because it's not worth distracting people for fractions of a cent; maybe they might follow the ad instead of listening to the song, and then what's the point? but it would be about $20 on that 20,000 hits. yeah. ad revenue for youtube users is basically nothing.
spotify is even less than youtube ad revenue. i'd get pennies on 20,000 hits. google play is about 5 cents a stream - hundreds of times as much. now, i don't know what that means. 50% of a stream? just clicking play? it's about $1000 if any old hit counts. even if half of the hits count, it's worth signing up for.
but, like i say, i think this is a tactic and not sustainable in the long run. and, i don't see a way to drive traffic. rather than my 20,000 youtube hits as a baseline, it's more reasonable to look at my 2500 partial or complete bandcamp streams, which is more like $100. worth paying the signup fee for? not clear, really.
bandcamp maintains the buy-the-fucking-record-if-you-want-to-listen-to-it idea, which i'll admit i'm just kind of attached to. i do all these singles. but i make records, not singles. i'm willing to bend some ways as the technology changes, but in the end i have no intention or desire to modify the nature of the product. the marketing or distribution, sure. but not the thing itself. it's almost more that the streaming sites are borderline useless to me, other than as a way to convert the process of shopping for music into a profit making experience. which is weird.
i mean, i look at youtube as advertising. i'd look at google play as advertising as well. it's not the end purchase point; it can't be. you can talk about models and technology all you want, it can't be the final transaction. so, should i make money by advertising? it's a weird idea. and, the consumer ends up paying to access advertising, which is just as fucked. people think it's a great deal: $10/month for a huge library. but, it can't be the end transaction. so, it's more like $10/month to get access to the store to shop. like a costco type model...
even at five cents a stream, there's essentially no way to live off of this. so, everybody is getting ripped off except the people hosting the site. i just don't see where this goes, unless they plan to shut down youtube altogether....
....in which case, the torrents get even more traffic.
it has to be something like bandcamp, which lets you listen to it as a stream all you want but charges when you want to download it or add it to a library. nothing else is going to get artist support, or be able to maintain independent music.
if you search around online, the best argument anybody has for signing up to spotify is "exposure". but nobody explains what this means. personally, i haven't a clue how signing up to a library with millions of songs is going to increase exposure. rather, it seems like a good way to get your tunes lost. i mean, the chances of some algorithm throwing me up seem pretty remote. the only way to get people to hear things is to market it. i need to give people links. where it's hosted is not important. so, it's just another hosting site, as far as i'm concerned....just one with a really bad payout.
but in order for something more artist-friendly like bandcamp to exist, it has to be supported. i'm on the receiving end, and it's far from paying my bills, but i feel i should be supporting it, as well. so, i'm going to be investing a few dollars a month of money i'm making as profit to try and keep it spinning.
this is also going to function as a component of my review presence by drawing attention to independent artists that i think are doing something that's worth paying for. i do quite a bit of scouring and am incredibly selective. so, this page is going to be somewhat of an elite list of totally obscure music in a few months :)
https://bandcamp.com/deathtokoalas
regarding the streaming sites, i'd hazard a guess that google play will drive the others to irrelevancy within a few years because they're paying out upwards of a thousand times as much. i generated 20,000 hits at youtube over 2014. i've turned the ads off because it's not worth distracting people for fractions of a cent; maybe they might follow the ad instead of listening to the song, and then what's the point? but it would be about $20 on that 20,000 hits. yeah. ad revenue for youtube users is basically nothing.
spotify is even less than youtube ad revenue. i'd get pennies on 20,000 hits. google play is about 5 cents a stream - hundreds of times as much. now, i don't know what that means. 50% of a stream? just clicking play? it's about $1000 if any old hit counts. even if half of the hits count, it's worth signing up for.
but, like i say, i think this is a tactic and not sustainable in the long run. and, i don't see a way to drive traffic. rather than my 20,000 youtube hits as a baseline, it's more reasonable to look at my 2500 partial or complete bandcamp streams, which is more like $100. worth paying the signup fee for? not clear, really.
bandcamp maintains the buy-the-fucking-record-if-you-want-to-listen-to-it idea, which i'll admit i'm just kind of attached to. i do all these singles. but i make records, not singles. i'm willing to bend some ways as the technology changes, but in the end i have no intention or desire to modify the nature of the product. the marketing or distribution, sure. but not the thing itself. it's almost more that the streaming sites are borderline useless to me, other than as a way to convert the process of shopping for music into a profit making experience. which is weird.
i mean, i look at youtube as advertising. i'd look at google play as advertising as well. it's not the end purchase point; it can't be. you can talk about models and technology all you want, it can't be the final transaction. so, should i make money by advertising? it's a weird idea. and, the consumer ends up paying to access advertising, which is just as fucked. people think it's a great deal: $10/month for a huge library. but, it can't be the end transaction. so, it's more like $10/month to get access to the store to shop. like a costco type model...
even at five cents a stream, there's essentially no way to live off of this. so, everybody is getting ripped off except the people hosting the site. i just don't see where this goes, unless they plan to shut down youtube altogether....
....in which case, the torrents get even more traffic.
it has to be something like bandcamp, which lets you listen to it as a stream all you want but charges when you want to download it or add it to a library. nothing else is going to get artist support, or be able to maintain independent music.
if you search around online, the best argument anybody has for signing up to spotify is "exposure". but nobody explains what this means. personally, i haven't a clue how signing up to a library with millions of songs is going to increase exposure. rather, it seems like a good way to get your tunes lost. i mean, the chances of some algorithm throwing me up seem pretty remote. the only way to get people to hear things is to market it. i need to give people links. where it's hosted is not important. so, it's just another hosting site, as far as i'm concerned....just one with a really bad payout.
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