jessica
it's very generous of you, thank you. i was worried there for a bit that somebody was holding it for some reason or another.
if you're curious, you can stream what i'm doing at this page:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com
i think maybe most of it might be a little too "modern" for your tastes. most of it is broadly categorized as "classical music", but it's classical music with distorted and often dissonant guitars, grating percussion and weird sound effects. i like beethoven (and you can often tell), but agree with his dismissive opinions on rossini. so, there's not much of that. it's more drawing from the tradition of varese, stockhausen, cage and zappa - and following that line of thinking as it evolved through integration with rock traditions through the 60s, 70s and 80s.
nana
glad to hear you got it!I am getting many phone calls for you regarding your student loans.Could you please get in touch with them.The calls are all on my answering machine.Yes I am curious to here your music so will stream it.Take care & stay in touch.
jessica
i'm sorry that they're bothering you about the loans. i don't want that to happen.
however, i've been trying to avoid them rather purposefully, as it's not clear what my financial situation is going to be over the next few years. if i could tell them "i'm on disability", it would put me in a no payment status. but, i can't do that until i get that cleared up. so, i've been waiting for it to get cleared up until i contact them. i was hoping that was going to be dealt with months ago, but there seems to be a push from the top down to get people off disability. that means i might have to push back a little harder than i'd like to. i think an analysis of my life history makes it clear that i should be on disability, it's just a question of making that apparent.
the other thing is that i may be eligible for an artists' grant should the disability not work out, and i don't know how outstanding loans would affect that. i'll need to apply for that rather soon.
i'd ask that you tolerate this for a few more months, until i can get this cleared up. i know it's annoying, but i simply can't deal with what they want me to pay. they're expecting $1200/month. my income, with tax benefits, is $1150. so, it's impossible. but i can't claim i'm going to be on odsp because i can't get the papers.
my deadline is on the 13th of april, but i feel like my appointment on the 17th of february is going to let me know whether disability is something i can rely on or not
so, i'll be doing *something* in the next few weeks about this, but it's not yet clear what i can do.
i think i explained this story a few times, but i think i'm fighting against some misinformation spread by my sister. i wasn't supposed to have this debt in the first place, but i got suckered into it by my father. further, my step-mother is not upholding his obligations on the matter - rather, she's denying that the obligations exist. i suspect he may have been dishonest with her, and that the money he was supposed to use for this ended up lost in poker games, horse races or stock options. that is, he may have told her he was giving me money and gambled it away instead - perhaps even with the legitimate intention of winning money to give me. my father had a gambling problem. he kept it quiet, but he never really defeated it. when people have gambling problems like that, it can warp their thinking. that is, if my suspicion is correct, i don't doubt that he meant to use the cash he won to pay the debt down. it's just that it wasn't done transparently with his wife, and ultimately wasn't very smart, and now i'm stuck with the consequences of it.
i've tumbled this over in my mind a lot and have to conclude i'm at fault for putting myself in a reliant situation. but it doesn't change the reality that i got screwed over.
so, this is what happened...
when i got out of school the first time (in 2006) the debt was manageable. i managed to find a decent job that allowed me to get a nice apartment and pay into it. the monthly payments at the time were about $300 - about a third of which was interest to start, but it went down over time. i paid almost $10000 into it from 2006-2008. and i was also able to maintain a little nest egg for emergencies.
near the end of 2008, i was having difficulty finding employment. i still had that nest egg, so it wasn't really imperative that i find employment immediately. my dad was trying to get me to go back to school, but i specifically didn't want to increase my debt and resisted his requests. going back to school would have meant either going into debt or moving home, or both. it didn't seem like a smart decision, given that it didn't seem like going back to school was going to help me with my ambitions, which, at the time, were to simply find a job i could walk to, and focus on recording. i was hoping i could just wait it out and eventually get a job at starbucks or something. the one way i'd think it was worthwhile to go back to school is if he promised to pay both the rent and the schooling. it was offered almost sarcastically - i didn't think he'd actually agree to it. but, he did, which created an offer i couldn't refuse. i mean, if the choice is school or work and it doesn't cost me anything to go to school then school is always going to be the rational choice - school is more enjoyable than work, less scheduled, etc.
so, i applied for graduate school in mathematics and was accepted. at the end of august, though, i had second thoughts. i looked at the job market. i saw jobs in programming. my recent background was working tech support for hp and microsoft. i thought an undergraduate programming degree would be more marketable than a graduate degree in mathematics. i don't regret that decision; i think it was a correct analysis of the job market at the time.
however, a few things happened in the spring of 2008 - the markets crashed, primarily. combined with the higher dollar, foreign firms saw a disincentive to invest in job growth in canada. that didn't really change over the next few years.
the week before classes started, he told me that the market crash made it impossible to carry through with his promise. he encouraged me to take out a loan, and promised he'd pay it back by the end of the year. the problem was that i'd missed the loan deadline. so, i put my nest egg down to pay off the semester, expecting to get it back by the end of the year. i then applied for odsp starting in the winter. *that was the error i made that led to all the problems that followed*. i should have just looked for a job.
several semesters went by, and he kept promising me he'd pay it down, but it never happened. the loans just kept adding up. i had faith in him to carry out his promise. and, he was still promising he'd pay it down on his death bed.
about a week before he died, the three of us worked out an agreement. the step-mother would give me a few hundred dollars a month. but when i got back from windsor, she claimed he was "delusional on his death bed". i could probably sue her for this and win, but i don't want to spend the next ten years in a court battle. and, should i stay on odsp long enough, the loan will no doubt be "forgiven" anyways. i'd rather take this approach than spend who knows how much on court fees and untold amounts of time preparing legal arguments.
i just need odsp to follow through on it...
but i didn't want this mess. i specifically tried to avoid it. but i got suckered in by a promise that was never upheld.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
just an update...
i was going to do a "dark mix" and a "jazz mix". but these components were present, and i didn't see where else to take them. so, i jumped to the final mix.
i started playing around with orchestrations and synths. so, now i'm doing an orchestral mix, and probably an ambient mix. they'll be up in the next few days.
what that means is that the final is going to need to integrate:
(1) the 2002 files with
(2) the base vst mix
(3) the orchestral arrangements
(4) the ambient mix
(5) added files (mostly guitars)
so, i've put something very big in front of me. that's ok. the other songs on the record are all also very big. but it means the eta is continuing to be pushed back.
i was hoping to get it out by the end of january. that's not likely. which means i'm not going to have a january release. i didn't have an august release, either. it takes how long it takes, y'know....
again: that's why i'd never trade this little fringe existence for timelines and schedules....
remember: nothing exists in one state. everything is fluctuating. i think songs should be like that, too.
i was going to do a "dark mix" and a "jazz mix". but these components were present, and i didn't see where else to take them. so, i jumped to the final mix.
i started playing around with orchestrations and synths. so, now i'm doing an orchestral mix, and probably an ambient mix. they'll be up in the next few days.
what that means is that the final is going to need to integrate:
(1) the 2002 files with
(2) the base vst mix
(3) the orchestral arrangements
(4) the ambient mix
(5) added files (mostly guitars)
so, i've put something very big in front of me. that's ok. the other songs on the record are all also very big. but it means the eta is continuing to be pushed back.
i was hoping to get it out by the end of january. that's not likely. which means i'm not going to have a january release. i didn't have an august release, either. it takes how long it takes, y'know....
again: that's why i'd never trade this little fringe existence for timelines and schedules....
remember: nothing exists in one state. everything is fluctuating. i think songs should be like that, too.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
la la la la (2002 mix)
i'm squeezing an extra single in.
this was meant to be rabit is wolf. sean wanted a song that just went "lalalala". i think his intent was to try and simplify my thought process, because what i'd been doing sounded more like FTIeikdTY7isdD7E5dk!. he was just kind of like "how about.....lalalala.".
it got a bit of an eye roll from me, as you could imagine, but i played with it. he wasn't really that excited about what i did, and it just didn't move forward. there were no further sessions, as he became interested in working with a more conventional early 00s "emotional hardcore" (think at the drive in) style guitarist and i got very involved in a relationship
despite his initial suggestion, i'd consider the result to clearly be of my own doing. so, i took the core of what i did and warped it into the first track on the reflections symphony.
as his intentions are clear, i don't have a problem completing the vocals on my own, and it's what i'll be doing as inri043. there may have been a vocal part recorded, but i don't have it any more.
so, the ostrich thing is getting pushed back a release. this is going to be a relatively quick remix, with a simple vocal line. and i'm releasing it as rabit because it's collaborative in the abstract, despite sean not actually existing in the track.
for now, this was the initial forwards version of the song, which is only coming down to me over the space of time via mp3 and a collection of scattered source tracks. there's actual nothing but guitars in this version. it's dated to nov 15, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/lalala-2002-mix
this was meant to be rabit is wolf. sean wanted a song that just went "lalalala". i think his intent was to try and simplify my thought process, because what i'd been doing sounded more like FTIeikdTY7isdD7E5dk!. he was just kind of like "how about.....lalalala.".
it got a bit of an eye roll from me, as you could imagine, but i played with it. he wasn't really that excited about what i did, and it just didn't move forward. there were no further sessions, as he became interested in working with a more conventional early 00s "emotional hardcore" (think at the drive in) style guitarist and i got very involved in a relationship
despite his initial suggestion, i'd consider the result to clearly be of my own doing. so, i took the core of what i did and warped it into the first track on the reflections symphony.
as his intentions are clear, i don't have a problem completing the vocals on my own, and it's what i'll be doing as inri043. there may have been a vocal part recorded, but i don't have it any more.
so, the ostrich thing is getting pushed back a release. this is going to be a relatively quick remix, with a simple vocal line. and i'm releasing it as rabit because it's collaborative in the abstract, despite sean not actually existing in the track.
for now, this was the initial forwards version of the song, which is only coming down to me over the space of time via mp3 and a collection of scattered source tracks. there's actual nothing but guitars in this version. it's dated to nov 15, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/lalala-2002-mix
so, i think that bandcamp is providing the closest thing to a proper business model for independent artists in the internet era. it's not perfect, but it's vastly superior to what something like spotify is offering. those streaming sites are hypercapitalism, in the sense that they're bankrolling a bourgeoisie and giving the artists the finger. you shouldn't support that shit.
but in order for something more artist-friendly like bandcamp to exist, it has to be supported. i'm on the receiving end, and it's far from paying my bills, but i feel i should be supporting it, as well. so, i'm going to be investing a few dollars a month of money i'm making as profit to try and keep it spinning.
this is also going to function as a component of my review presence by drawing attention to independent artists that i think are doing something that's worth paying for. i do quite a bit of scouring and am incredibly selective. so, this page is going to be somewhat of an elite list of totally obscure music in a few months :)
https://bandcamp.com/deathtokoalas
regarding the streaming sites, i'd hazard a guess that google play will drive the others to irrelevancy within a few years because they're paying out upwards of a thousand times as much. i generated 20,000 hits at youtube over 2014. i've turned the ads off because it's not worth distracting people for fractions of a cent; maybe they might follow the ad instead of listening to the song, and then what's the point? but it would be about $20 on that 20,000 hits. yeah. ad revenue for youtube users is basically nothing.
spotify is even less than youtube ad revenue. i'd get pennies on 20,000 hits. google play is about 5 cents a stream - hundreds of times as much. now, i don't know what that means. 50% of a stream? just clicking play? it's about $1000 if any old hit counts. even if half of the hits count, it's worth signing up for.
but, like i say, i think this is a tactic and not sustainable in the long run. and, i don't see a way to drive traffic. rather than my 20,000 youtube hits as a baseline, it's more reasonable to look at my 2500 partial or complete bandcamp streams, which is more like $100. worth paying the signup fee for? not clear, really.
bandcamp maintains the buy-the-fucking-record-if-you-want-to-listen-to-it idea, which i'll admit i'm just kind of attached to. i do all these singles. but i make records, not singles. i'm willing to bend some ways as the technology changes, but in the end i have no intention or desire to modify the nature of the product. the marketing or distribution, sure. but not the thing itself. it's almost more that the streaming sites are borderline useless to me, other than as a way to convert the process of shopping for music into a profit making experience. which is weird.
i mean, i look at youtube as advertising. i'd look at google play as advertising as well. it's not the end purchase point; it can't be. you can talk about models and technology all you want, it can't be the final transaction. so, should i make money by advertising? it's a weird idea. and, the consumer ends up paying to access advertising, which is just as fucked. people think it's a great deal: $10/month for a huge library. but, it can't be the end transaction. so, it's more like $10/month to get access to the store to shop. like a costco type model...
even at five cents a stream, there's essentially no way to live off of this. so, everybody is getting ripped off except the people hosting the site. i just don't see where this goes, unless they plan to shut down youtube altogether....
....in which case, the torrents get even more traffic.
it has to be something like bandcamp, which lets you listen to it as a stream all you want but charges when you want to download it or add it to a library. nothing else is going to get artist support, or be able to maintain independent music.
if you search around online, the best argument anybody has for signing up to spotify is "exposure". but nobody explains what this means. personally, i haven't a clue how signing up to a library with millions of songs is going to increase exposure. rather, it seems like a good way to get your tunes lost. i mean, the chances of some algorithm throwing me up seem pretty remote. the only way to get people to hear things is to market it. i need to give people links. where it's hosted is not important. so, it's just another hosting site, as far as i'm concerned....just one with a really bad payout.
but in order for something more artist-friendly like bandcamp to exist, it has to be supported. i'm on the receiving end, and it's far from paying my bills, but i feel i should be supporting it, as well. so, i'm going to be investing a few dollars a month of money i'm making as profit to try and keep it spinning.
this is also going to function as a component of my review presence by drawing attention to independent artists that i think are doing something that's worth paying for. i do quite a bit of scouring and am incredibly selective. so, this page is going to be somewhat of an elite list of totally obscure music in a few months :)
https://bandcamp.com/deathtokoalas
regarding the streaming sites, i'd hazard a guess that google play will drive the others to irrelevancy within a few years because they're paying out upwards of a thousand times as much. i generated 20,000 hits at youtube over 2014. i've turned the ads off because it's not worth distracting people for fractions of a cent; maybe they might follow the ad instead of listening to the song, and then what's the point? but it would be about $20 on that 20,000 hits. yeah. ad revenue for youtube users is basically nothing.
spotify is even less than youtube ad revenue. i'd get pennies on 20,000 hits. google play is about 5 cents a stream - hundreds of times as much. now, i don't know what that means. 50% of a stream? just clicking play? it's about $1000 if any old hit counts. even if half of the hits count, it's worth signing up for.
but, like i say, i think this is a tactic and not sustainable in the long run. and, i don't see a way to drive traffic. rather than my 20,000 youtube hits as a baseline, it's more reasonable to look at my 2500 partial or complete bandcamp streams, which is more like $100. worth paying the signup fee for? not clear, really.
bandcamp maintains the buy-the-fucking-record-if-you-want-to-listen-to-it idea, which i'll admit i'm just kind of attached to. i do all these singles. but i make records, not singles. i'm willing to bend some ways as the technology changes, but in the end i have no intention or desire to modify the nature of the product. the marketing or distribution, sure. but not the thing itself. it's almost more that the streaming sites are borderline useless to me, other than as a way to convert the process of shopping for music into a profit making experience. which is weird.
i mean, i look at youtube as advertising. i'd look at google play as advertising as well. it's not the end purchase point; it can't be. you can talk about models and technology all you want, it can't be the final transaction. so, should i make money by advertising? it's a weird idea. and, the consumer ends up paying to access advertising, which is just as fucked. people think it's a great deal: $10/month for a huge library. but, it can't be the end transaction. so, it's more like $10/month to get access to the store to shop. like a costco type model...
even at five cents a stream, there's essentially no way to live off of this. so, everybody is getting ripped off except the people hosting the site. i just don't see where this goes, unless they plan to shut down youtube altogether....
....in which case, the torrents get even more traffic.
it has to be something like bandcamp, which lets you listen to it as a stream all you want but charges when you want to download it or add it to a library. nothing else is going to get artist support, or be able to maintain independent music.
if you search around online, the best argument anybody has for signing up to spotify is "exposure". but nobody explains what this means. personally, i haven't a clue how signing up to a library with millions of songs is going to increase exposure. rather, it seems like a good way to get your tunes lost. i mean, the chances of some algorithm throwing me up seem pretty remote. the only way to get people to hear things is to market it. i need to give people links. where it's hosted is not important. so, it's just another hosting site, as far as i'm concerned....just one with a really bad payout.
untitled (vst mix) (for thru)
i decided the vst mix is good after all, it just needs volume....
--
this track was initially written as a folk punk song, but i jumped to the scorewriter with it almost immediately. the expanded guitar demo was written in a scorewriter and then performed, rather than vice versa. it was initially less about explicitly creating a techno song and more about ordering the parts in a way that could be deconstructed more effectively.
the taiko drum part was initially just to keep time; it wasn't supposed to be a part of the song. but, as i built it up i began to realize how interesting it sounded as a techno tune and sort of ran with it.
written over the summer of 2002. remixed in december, 2014. this render is from dec 26, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-3
--
this track was initially written as a folk punk song, but i jumped to the scorewriter with it almost immediately. the expanded guitar demo was written in a scorewriter and then performed, rather than vice versa. it was initially less about explicitly creating a techno song and more about ordering the parts in a way that could be deconstructed more effectively.
the taiko drum part was initially just to keep time; it wasn't supposed to be a part of the song. but, as i built it up i began to realize how interesting it sounded as a techno tune and sort of ran with it.
written over the summer of 2002. remixed in december, 2014. this render is from dec 26, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-3
releasing inri001 in the alter-reality
moving through the alter-reality, i've worked my way up to the release date of my second demo, now labelled as inri002. that's a good chunk of time - nine months - and represents my gestation phase as a musician, which is coming to it's end.
there will be a month long period after this where i cycle through the material, culminating in the release of a condensed mix tape of inri001 and inri002 (called inri003), which has been dated to july, 1997. there will be a two month delay before inri004 ushers in the beginning of my experimental synth pop and cyberpunk phase.
but this is a significant shifting point in the alter-reality. i'll admit i'm a little tired of people pointing to these early demos and trying to compare them to contemporary lo-fi music. it was lo-fi out of necessity, not by design. i set up my promo like this for a reason, part of which was to create that reaction, so i'm being an ass in reacting badly to it. but i'm nevertheless glad to be moving beyond it.
so, there's three months still until inr004. but this is where the cassette demos stopped, and i shifted focus.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-2
there will be a month long period after this where i cycle through the material, culminating in the release of a condensed mix tape of inri001 and inri002 (called inri003), which has been dated to july, 1997. there will be a two month delay before inri004 ushers in the beginning of my experimental synth pop and cyberpunk phase.
but this is a significant shifting point in the alter-reality. i'll admit i'm a little tired of people pointing to these early demos and trying to compare them to contemporary lo-fi music. it was lo-fi out of necessity, not by design. i set up my promo like this for a reason, part of which was to create that reaction, so i'm being an ass in reacting badly to it. but i'm nevertheless glad to be moving beyond it.
so, there's three months still until inr004. but this is where the cassette demos stopped, and i shifted focus.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-2
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
untitled (intended original mix)
ok.
i've decided to keep the intro guitar part out of the 2002 mix, because i'm going to soundscape the fuck out of it in ways that i couldn't have really done at the time and it just doesn't sound good in raw form.
so, this mix is done. the rss will update. i'm back at the three vst mixes for tomorrow.
when this comes up, crank the bass on it....
carefully. it's potentially speaker-blowing. but it's made to rock the low end hard.
that was the hard part, this should be quick from this point.
this compiles all the 2002 files into a mix that is as close as i can get it to sounding as i initially imagined it back in 2002. mix completed jan 27, 2015.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-intended-original-mix
i've decided to keep the intro guitar part out of the 2002 mix, because i'm going to soundscape the fuck out of it in ways that i couldn't have really done at the time and it just doesn't sound good in raw form.
so, this mix is done. the rss will update. i'm back at the three vst mixes for tomorrow.
when this comes up, crank the bass on it....
carefully. it's potentially speaker-blowing. but it's made to rock the low end hard.
that was the hard part, this should be quick from this point.
this compiles all the 2002 files into a mix that is as close as i can get it to sounding as i initially imagined it back in 2002. mix completed jan 27, 2015.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-intended-original-mix
Monday, January 26, 2015
well, i got around this by finding a deleted version and carefully reconstructing it. it's back to where it should be, which tells me there was something wrong with the cubase file. i'm still having a hard time understanding what's going on without resorting to interception, but i do think that cubase can get a little bit weird when you back files up to an alternate drive and that it's a way out of thinking it's the government spying on me. the thing is i'm not convinced.
but something was corrupted, and it's been fixed by going to an earlier version before it got fucked. this basically means i have to finish it before it gets fucked up again. so expect the mix relatively soon. i was really at the point where i just had to mix some synths in before it started sounding like crap - it was basically done. the only other thing is that guitar part which i wanted to cut into a hundred pieces but may have to find some other approach to...
it's very hard for me to explain the following.
1) no latency issues.
2) sleep.
3) latency issues.
4) find old file.
5) modify old file so it's identical to newest file.
6) no latency issues.
how can latency issues depend on the file? that's nonsense...
and they appeared out of nowhere.
as mentioned, there's a pattern here. stuff disappearing. settings modifying. etc.
but i've got a window here, i need to use it...
but something was corrupted, and it's been fixed by going to an earlier version before it got fucked. this basically means i have to finish it before it gets fucked up again. so expect the mix relatively soon. i was really at the point where i just had to mix some synths in before it started sounding like crap - it was basically done. the only other thing is that guitar part which i wanted to cut into a hundred pieces but may have to find some other approach to...
it's very hard for me to explain the following.
1) no latency issues.
2) sleep.
3) latency issues.
4) find old file.
5) modify old file so it's identical to newest file.
6) no latency issues.
how can latency issues depend on the file? that's nonsense...
and they appeared out of nowhere.
as mentioned, there's a pattern here. stuff disappearing. settings modifying. etc.
but i've got a window here, i need to use it...
so, who is the fucker at the mixing desk?
i've let on a few times that i'm conceiving of him as the comic book guy, chowing down doritos that are falling out of his mouth and on to the board and muttering "no, no, this is all wrong - she means to do it like *this*.", which promptly leads me to want to strangle him.
i'm getting the perception, recently, that the surveillance is a little more sophisticated, which is leading me to question my perceptions.
who is the fucker at the mixing desk? i don't know, but it's becoming unbearable and i consequently need to request - again - that this ceases. my time is being wasted, and i don't have a lot of it left...
i spent a good part of the last week on this, and got to the point about friday where i could get a rough mix out. over the last few days, i've been lethargic - partially depressed that the out doesn't sound the same, partially refraining from nicotine. today, i began to notice that the file is skipping very badly and narrowed it down to a latency issue.
now, here's the thing: there was not previously a latency issue. i did not add any effects or buses or anything at all. it's the same file. one does not go from no latency issues to latency issues for no reason.
the one thing that i did change was that i unplugged from the internet....
now, here's the thing that is consistent with the other evidence i've compiled that my audio is connected to an external server: the direct out rendered the way it should, even as the playback sounded muffled and was skipping. that itself is not unusual. but what it indicates is that the processor is picking up extra shit on playback. that it wasn't picking up before. what, exactly?
now, as mentioned, i'm unplugged from the internet. there's no wireless in this machine at all. that doesn't mean remote operation is impossible, but it means that:
(1) it would be slow and
(2) it would require some expertise.
i'm not going to pretend that i know how to do this, but if you check any electronic device manufactured in north america there's a little statement on the back that states "we can remote control this with radio". this applies to everything from your cell phone to your microwave. but it means i'm not talking about a fucker at a mixing desk, i'm talking about a fucker at csis, and the noise and clicking and screwed up mixes i'm getting is essentially a byproduct of being monitored.
the logic may be along the lines of "if she doesn't want to buy a phone, we'll monitor her mixer instead".
so, listen....
....you idiots....
...you can clearly hear that all you're picking up is the music. and, you're interfering in my music production rather dramatically, whether you mean to or not. i'm not attempting to cut you out because i'm trying to hide my riffs and beats from you. i'm trying to cut you out because you're fucking up the monitor on the mix by adding empty space, which is killing the definition and making everything sound compressed.
i tend to be transparent, because i realize it's a better idea for the intelligence agencies to understand what they're dealing with to prevent misunderstandings. for example, i think it's a good thing for them to know i don't own any weapons, because it will prevent any overreactions. so, the idea of being listened to is actually something i'm indifferent to. i recognize the potential for abuse and think it shouldn't happen, but it's not something that really seriously bothers me on a personal level.
but, this is interference, and that's something very different.
i'm not plugging back in until i'm confident that the radio hack has stopped. and, from that point forward, what i want is for the software used to be updated so that it doesn't interfere with the people being monitored. which is probably a good idea anyways.
again: i'm ignoring the stupidity of the fact that you're monitoring a composer with no income and no friends. i don't have the time or interest to drag this through court; that's a waste of my time. i'm just demanding that, if you're going to monitor me, you do it in a way that is non-invasive.
in the meantime, i'm going to have to mix from render. which means i'm going to have to render the track every time i touch the mix. this is extremely time consuming. but you leave me no choice until you fuck off...
the blunt reality is that there's nothing to monitor. i make music, i read, and i eat. i do this entirely by myself. there's no hidden network. i simply don't know anybody.
so, it's not that i'm hiding connections and you need to monitor me to find them. it's that i don't see any use in paying for a device i'll never use. and, that you're basically harassing somebody that is of no use to you.
so, stop.
let me mix....
i've let on a few times that i'm conceiving of him as the comic book guy, chowing down doritos that are falling out of his mouth and on to the board and muttering "no, no, this is all wrong - she means to do it like *this*.", which promptly leads me to want to strangle him.
i'm getting the perception, recently, that the surveillance is a little more sophisticated, which is leading me to question my perceptions.
who is the fucker at the mixing desk? i don't know, but it's becoming unbearable and i consequently need to request - again - that this ceases. my time is being wasted, and i don't have a lot of it left...
i spent a good part of the last week on this, and got to the point about friday where i could get a rough mix out. over the last few days, i've been lethargic - partially depressed that the out doesn't sound the same, partially refraining from nicotine. today, i began to notice that the file is skipping very badly and narrowed it down to a latency issue.
now, here's the thing: there was not previously a latency issue. i did not add any effects or buses or anything at all. it's the same file. one does not go from no latency issues to latency issues for no reason.
the one thing that i did change was that i unplugged from the internet....
now, here's the thing that is consistent with the other evidence i've compiled that my audio is connected to an external server: the direct out rendered the way it should, even as the playback sounded muffled and was skipping. that itself is not unusual. but what it indicates is that the processor is picking up extra shit on playback. that it wasn't picking up before. what, exactly?
now, as mentioned, i'm unplugged from the internet. there's no wireless in this machine at all. that doesn't mean remote operation is impossible, but it means that:
(1) it would be slow and
(2) it would require some expertise.
i'm not going to pretend that i know how to do this, but if you check any electronic device manufactured in north america there's a little statement on the back that states "we can remote control this with radio". this applies to everything from your cell phone to your microwave. but it means i'm not talking about a fucker at a mixing desk, i'm talking about a fucker at csis, and the noise and clicking and screwed up mixes i'm getting is essentially a byproduct of being monitored.
the logic may be along the lines of "if she doesn't want to buy a phone, we'll monitor her mixer instead".
so, listen....
....you idiots....
...you can clearly hear that all you're picking up is the music. and, you're interfering in my music production rather dramatically, whether you mean to or not. i'm not attempting to cut you out because i'm trying to hide my riffs and beats from you. i'm trying to cut you out because you're fucking up the monitor on the mix by adding empty space, which is killing the definition and making everything sound compressed.
i tend to be transparent, because i realize it's a better idea for the intelligence agencies to understand what they're dealing with to prevent misunderstandings. for example, i think it's a good thing for them to know i don't own any weapons, because it will prevent any overreactions. so, the idea of being listened to is actually something i'm indifferent to. i recognize the potential for abuse and think it shouldn't happen, but it's not something that really seriously bothers me on a personal level.
but, this is interference, and that's something very different.
i'm not plugging back in until i'm confident that the radio hack has stopped. and, from that point forward, what i want is for the software used to be updated so that it doesn't interfere with the people being monitored. which is probably a good idea anyways.
again: i'm ignoring the stupidity of the fact that you're monitoring a composer with no income and no friends. i don't have the time or interest to drag this through court; that's a waste of my time. i'm just demanding that, if you're going to monitor me, you do it in a way that is non-invasive.
in the meantime, i'm going to have to mix from render. which means i'm going to have to render the track every time i touch the mix. this is extremely time consuming. but you leave me no choice until you fuck off...
the blunt reality is that there's nothing to monitor. i make music, i read, and i eat. i do this entirely by myself. there's no hidden network. i simply don't know anybody.
so, it's not that i'm hiding connections and you need to monitor me to find them. it's that i don't see any use in paying for a device i'll never use. and, that you're basically harassing somebody that is of no use to you.
so, stop.
let me mix....
Sunday, January 25, 2015
i'm getting this weird "fucker at the mixing desk" vibe again. it's completely disconnected, beyond any possible remote...yet, the sound is noticeably different...
i've decided i'm not fucking around with this. i'm not being careful about it. i'm not waiting for reversals. if i think the mix has been modified, i will drastically alter it. i may blow it up and start from scratch.
i feel i have to take a zero tolerance approach to get the message across: if you alter my mixes, it will cost you a lot of money. so stop.
i will ensure that the time i'm losing in mixing things is being lost, monetarily, by whomever is fucking with me. and, if it means i get nothing else done before i kill myself next month, then whoever is responsible for that will need to be judged by history for it....
i've decided i'm not fucking around with this. i'm not being careful about it. i'm not waiting for reversals. if i think the mix has been modified, i will drastically alter it. i may blow it up and start from scratch.
i feel i have to take a zero tolerance approach to get the message across: if you alter my mixes, it will cost you a lot of money. so stop.
i will ensure that the time i'm losing in mixing things is being lost, monetarily, by whomever is fucking with me. and, if it means i get nothing else done before i kill myself next month, then whoever is responsible for that will need to be judged by history for it....
Friday, January 23, 2015
uploading transitional untitled to the scratch pad
i've uploaded a temporary mix to the scratchpad that represents a properly mixed version of the track as it would have existed had i not run out of ram when mixing it back in 2002. i'm not putting this up at bandcamp because of it's transitional nature; the next mix will take this transition mix as a core and work in the other parts i recorded in 2002. there will be a final mix that adds in some extra synths, and maybe some new guitar parts...
as always with the scratchpad (accessible from the about section), ideas are welcome - even though i'll probably ignore them. this will only be up until i'm done the next mix, which will probably be this afternoon....
as always with the scratchpad (accessible from the about section), ideas are welcome - even though i'll probably ignore them. this will only be up until i'm done the next mix, which will probably be this afternoon....
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